In this episode members of the Homeward Bound team share stories with the theme, "Take Me Home." These personal stories highlight the importance of having a home and what a home is. By listening to this episode we hope it inspires you to think of your own stories about home and connection. respectively, the story tellers are Roxanne Thayne, Brooke Hersh, Shari Murray, Michelle Mulford, and Michelle Westerlind.
In this episode members of the Homeward Bound team share stories with the theme, "Take Me Home." These personal stories highlight the importance of having a home and what a home is. By listening to this episode we hope it inspires you to think of your own stories about home and connection. respectively, the story tellers are Roxanne Thayne, Brooke Hersh, Shari Murray, Michelle Mulford, and Michelle Westerlind.
There are as many ways to parent as there are parents in this world. But there is one way to parent that wins every time. And that's doing it intentionally. This show is about helping things go right before they can go wrong. Each episode is chosen to help parents like you, who may be overwhelmed or uninspired. Find the ideas and motivation to give their best efforts to the people and place that matters the most. I'm Dr. Tim, Thayne, author of the book and host of the podcast, not by chance, I believe that a family success and happiness is not by chance. So welcome to the podcast built especially for intentional families. Let's jump in. Okay. As I mentioned in the intro, this podcast is about putting our very best foot forward with the people and the place that matters the most. And I think the place that matters the most is our homes. Today, I want to give you a special treat. We recently had our yearly advance, instead of retreating here at Homeward Bound, we'd like to advance and move things forward. We just had our yearly advance where all the coaches and administrative team leadership team all gathered together this time virtually. And our theme was coming home. And that evokes all kinds of emotions, and all kinds of stories. And what I'm going to share with you today is really a special group, a collection of some of the stories that our team had when we asked them to do the assignment and be ready to tell a story about coming home. Whatever that was, it could be a more recent story in their life or something when they were a child. I hope you enjoy.
Roxanne Thayne:I dream about my past homes a lot. Probably more than I dream about any other subject. Sometimes it's a happy dream. And sometimes it's stressful because we're having to pack up and move and everyone hates moving. Sometimes it's actually sad because I will go in and see how people have messed up the place that I remember. And I wish I had never let my curiosity get the best of me. That way, I wouldn't have ruined the mental pictures and memories that I cherish so much. Despite the danger of tarnishing my golden glow around my childhood, when the father of a family we had grown up with passed away, there was no question that my family of origin was going home. With very little time to plan our spouses and kids decided to stay home. So it ended up just being the originals that went back to Flagstaff, Arizona. We talked the whole eight hours of the drive, hardly coming up for air. Once we crossed the Navajo reservation and hit the pine trees, the excitement relief of being home again was just palpable for all of us. We stayed at the hotel that we had waited tables at to pay our way through college and we went to the funeral home for the viewing. But before we even made it inside, we ran into members of our church congregation, old neighbors and friends we hadn't seen for over 30 years. There was such joy in the reunion that the family of the deceased had to finally come outside and kindly invite us into the funeral. They were just as excited to see us as we were to see them. We told them about the places that we wanted to visit while we were there and asked if they could get up early the next morning to go running around in the forest like we used to as children. And they said yes, only two texts the next morning saying that they felt it would probably be better. If they stayed home to help their mom on the day of their father's funeral. We agreed that that was definitely most appropriate. But my siblings and I went ahead and visited our three homes in the town. They were all intact, and actually beautiful. In some cases that were even improved. We did find our way to the forest trails that we had wandered behind our home smelled like pine and dust. And we felt a deep contentment as we sat on the like uncovered boulders and just visited. Then we took a trip to our elementary school peered through the windows and stood on the black top of the playground. We did the same thing at the important point. We did the same thing at the important parts of our high school. But we skipped the junior high because honestly none of us felt the need to relive that trauma. We went to our church which happened to be open that day and sat for a few minutes in our family's regular pew we reminisced about how our faith was born and nurtured in that exact spot everything seems so much smaller to us now. Or maybe we were just bigger. Later that day at the friend's funeral, we honored the life of a good man. As I sat there, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the people and the places that had contributed to my childhood, and had actually become a foundation for the life and the home that I was building for my family today. Less than 48 hours later, we were back on the road traveling to our current homes. We talked about our blessings of the dialogues from that weekend, and we listened to the audible books from David McCullough, who's our second favorite historian. You see, we couldn't listen to our favorite historian, because that would be our dad, and he had passed on 10 years earlier. However, we felt and saw and recollected him in every location that weekend. I ended the event grateful for one more thing, that my curiosity had been rewarded and hadn't tarnished, but actually enhanced my memories of home.
Brooke Hersch:Hi, this is Brooke and I'm going to tell you a story that I'd like to call couples therapy. Now to strengthen the marriage. Some people invest in counseling, go on regular date nights, attend retreats, other people lose their keys in a river. Now this is the summer of 2019. For the first time both of our daughters are we at sleepaway camp, we decide we're going to make, make the most of it and have a week vacation somewhere. Well, and the hustle and bustle of life. A week vacation turns into a weekend away, which turns into one night of camping. So we go camping at Garner State Park which is about three and a half hours from Austin in the middle of nowhere Hill Country, Texas. It is absolutely gorgeous. It's a place of spiritual significance to the Native Americans. It was a site for the Army Corps of Engineer New Deal era construction project and has this really cool outdoor dance hall that brings in locals from like all over the area. So we have a day of camping. We haven't. Excuse me, we have a day of hiking. We have kit we camp at the par check out the dancehall all of that. The next morning, the plan was to pack up all of us pack up our campsite, put everything in the car, and then go to being on the Freer River. Now ladies out there where are we tend to put our valuables when we're going to spend a day on the water to try to put a little ziploc bag right up there on the top of our bathing suit. safekeeping, right. Well, in the spirit of compromise. The spirit of edifying my partner, perhaps a temporary lapse in judgment I defer to his wisdom and agreed to put the key in the pocket of his new swim trunks seems reasonable. So we venture out on our float. We're enjoying the serenity of the river. Admiring just how special this place is. This is absolutely gorgeous. We talked about how to bring our kids here one day. So my husband spies a rope hanging from a tree and decides to play Tarzan. He swings your let's go he lands in the river. He comes up successfully. Our car keys do not. Now after a couple of aspiring hero dives to try to find our key so the bottom of the river, no dice. Now we have literally nothing on us. We are wearing our bathing suits and our water shoes. It is early afternoon in rural Texas. On a Sunday. We have to pick up our kids from sleepaway camp the very next morning we are on a clock on the clock. So my husband and I we snack all the time on daily hassles but man put us in a crisis and we are unstoppable. So after a brief moment of grieving that we can't finish this float we swing into action. We go to the park store, return our tubes. We enlist a mom daughter pair to help us out. They are lovely. They get on the phone trying to find us a local locksmith. Mom is on her phone calling her contacts the daughter lends us her phone. We have two phones going they find a local locksmith about an hour or so later that's willing to come out to the middle of nowhere to pop our lock and get in our car. So Brian's work in the locksmith angle I am working the insurance guy angle because we are also simultaneously trying to find a tow truck to come out there. Again, middle of nowhere, Texas on a Sunday afternoon to tow us to a local dealership. At this point we come to find out that we need to get to a dealership to get us a new key fob that can be correctly programmed to our particular car. Not all dealers ships have this particular part in stock. So there's some effort there to find the right dealership that has the right part to get our car there. Cut to insurance guy I'm speaking to, he starts telling me his story of his spiritual experience at Garner State Park on his boy scout trip in high school. He knows exactly where I am, and the constraints upon us. He kicks it out the change wife to a senior supervisor, and they find a tow truck. A couple of hours later, it's getting dark, the tow truck comes to get us the locksmith guy had come a bit earlier pop the lock, we're able to get out are things able to get into dry clothes, able to get our phones. So we're waiting for the tow truck guy he gets there. We take about a two hour drive to car dealership. From there. We take about an hour and a half Uber ride from the Toyota dealership back to our house in Austin. Now this is a completely tricked out disco, Uber, it was a fancy car Uber I've ever been in. So we had this party Uber to get us home. We get home well after one o'clock. And one of the saving graces of this is I happen to have our extra key in our bag, to our house into our other car. We get home, we get to sleep, we wake up and we're able to get our kids at camp the next morning. There were so many angels throughout the story, strangers that helped us that paired with us in our mission here to get home and take care of our family without bickering without undermining each other and lifting each other up supporting each other staying calm using humor along the way. We work together and we got the job done. So when we hit snags in our relationship, we remind ourselves that this kind of partnership is within us somewhere
Shari Murray:I've done a lot of schooling but honestly, it seems like my brain is really mostly full of song lyrics. So when I heard the Take Me Home theme for this story I immediately saying take me home country roads to the place I belong. Because if I hear a song and I know the lyrics, I'm compelled to sing it. My brain had a field day that day after thinking about take me home because now is compelled to play that inner iPod that I have in my head. a playlist of songs about home. Next to love home seems to be one of the top five song theme choices. One of my favorite singers Brian Vander Ark from the 90s band the verb pipe and my he is my favorite story is a story for another time. But he sings you write what you know and you know what you're right. And home is certainly something we all know. Crazy thing about songs about home is that they rarely have to do with a physical building or a place on a map. I've noticed that most songs about home are about people about feelings and usually include the word belong or the idea of belonging. Daughtry Bon Jovi, Simon and Garfunkel Ed Scheer and Michael Buble, a, do Disney's Hercules and The Little Mermaid, there's hymns there's country music, and even Ozzy Osborne, the Prince of Darkness, things about coming home and belonging. In my 52 years of living 47 Actually 48 of them now are 47 of them were spent in Michigan. I was born there, kindergarten to high school there. I went to college there, I met my husband there. I was married there, my kids were born there, all my family is there. Michigan is my home. So let's go back to that idea belonging. Rhys, I went back to Michigan to take my daughter to college. And when I was there with friends and family, they asked me, What do I miss most about Michigan? And my answer, honestly, is not very much. I miss fall trees. And of course, I'd miss my friends and family. But Michigan is not where I belong anymore. How is that even possible? Because take me home isn't about the house she grew up in. It isn't about your hometown. Because I've spent way more of my life out of Battle Creek than I ever did in it. It isn't geographical. It isn't a place on the map or GPS coordinates. homes where you belong. Home is the place that holds the meaning. Obviously, I still have connection to Michigan. Don't get me wrong. Michigan will always be a part of me. But where do I belong? I feel like take me home can be in Michigan, for example. More than the city I grew up in. Ann Arbor is the University of Michigan. It's where I found my future life when I was 19. I discovered social work which became my career. Most importantly, it's where I met and fell in love with my husband. And Arbor feels like home The places I see there have stories that have tremendous meaning, and are the connections to one of the most transformational times of my life. But it feels like home. It's not home. Because now when I think of going home, wanting someone to take me home, I don't think about Michigan. I think about Las Vegas, Nevada. It's a weird place to live. And often people ask, Where in the strip to live? Are people even saying they didn't realize people actually live in Las Vegas? Yes, we have houses and schools and stores and even churches. It's surprising to me that Nevada has become my home. The shock of Las Vegas being my address, but it shouldn't be. My husband moved around as a kid about every two years. He can't answer the question. Where did you grow up without a list of cities and states. But he always had a home. Billy Joel says it best. Yes. Again, song lyrics. Wherever we're together, that's my home. Home is where our heart belongs. And for me that is with Jim and Jenna and Brendan, my dogs and cats, and being surrounded by the things that have meaning only to me. Like my 50 year old Winnie the Pooh, who my husband calls piece of blue, the random collections of things you see on my shelves, and laying around my home. When I wish for take me home, this is where I go. It all makes sense now, and I don't believe it's coincidence to know that the state song of Nevada, which I'm learning the lyrics to, of course, has this as it's closing mine. Home Means Nevada to me.
Michelle Mulford:Just a few days ago, on Sunday, we were gathered together at my parents house to celebrate all of the October birthdays in our family. I think we have quite a few I think we've got like 14 or so. But our brothers and sisters and all their kids were there. When we get together, it's over 40 people, because there's eight kids in my family. And to an outsider, my parents house isn't super spectacular. It's just a small regular house in a more rough part of the Salt Lake Valley. And they've lived there for over 30 years. But as we were there on Sunday, towards toward the end, we said a family prayer and Parker, who was seven was asked to pray for all of us. And what he said in his prayer kind of touched my heart. He said, Please bless us that we can come here a lot. And I've thought about that since then. And especially in light of our theme for the advance. Take me home, I've just thought about what is it about a home or a place that would make someone feel that they wanted to be there a lot. And my parents don't have a ton to offer. As far as wealth goes. They don't have this state of the art toys and technology or even like awesome food every time we're there. But I think what makes someone feel like they want to be at a place or at a home a lot. I think it's a feeling, maybe a feeling that you belong, or like someone has your back place where you're notice when you walk in and missed when you go away. It's kind of hard to describe. Maybe it's just a magical thing. Helen Keller said a quote that I just really love. And she's just said the best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. And I feel that way about a home to feel good there. You don't have to be wealthy or have like pristine furniture, big screen TVs or exciting activities planned every time you're there. I just think our ultimate goal is to create a place that speaks to our hearts that focuses on those simple virtues of love and kindness, and time, and companionship and respect. And I'm grateful that my parents have created a place like that for my kids and for me and for my brothers and sisters and for our kids. Because it is it's a place where we want to be and I'm just so grateful for that.
Michelle Westerlind:I am an unlikely wrestling mom. And I didn't grow up watching wrestling. I didn't even know anything about the sport. And I couldn't even tell you when I first started watching who was winning why they were winning or why the ref in the center of the ring was raising his hand at various times during the match. But my husband grew up in the Midwest. He and his brothers were all wrestlers. And so when I had my boys that became a language we spoke in our home and we became a wrestling family. The story I want to share with you today happened to you years ago, my youngest son was a senior in high school. He was on the varsity team. He was a captain of the team. And this was the year that all of his wrestling dreams were going to come true. He had worked so so hard to get where he was at. And he had a lot of big goals ahead of him. So we had the first rule of the year, we it was a home duel, we were at our own high school gym. And we were really excited for him. And we walk in. And it was amazing. There was a giant crowd of people, usually there's about seven people at a wrestling event. This time, we were dueling against a rival high school that was just right down the street. So everybody was local. And we had a giant group at this gym. And it was really exciting. Now fun thing that happens, when it's a home duel to add to the hype, each wrestler gets to choose what they call a walkout song. And the purpose of this walkout song is to try to intimidate your opponent to try to say, Hey, I'm going to shake your hand and then I'm going to crush you. And I'm going to win. And this is an example of what a walkout song would sound like. So as the wrestlers walk out to shake hands, they've got this really fun, upbeat song that the kids get to choose, that kind of shows kind of what they're going to do and what they're all about. Well, we got to the point we, we would win, and someone else, the other team would win. And we would win and the other team would win. And so the points were really, really close that this particular tool got to the point where up to 170 pounds, the weight, my son wrestles, and he started to walk out and we're excited. We didn't know his walkout song was a big surprise for us. And after all these really like heavy beat songs, he starts to walk out. And this is the song that we hear him. And the crowd literally laughed. Everybody in the crowd started laughing because it was such an unusual thing. And if you pan around and look at the gym with everybody giggling, you stop at me, and I'm crying because what they didn't know. And what you don't know is that song had special significance for me. You see Caden is that he has an older sister who's two years older than him. And she had been gone for about six months. And she was living in West Virginia, and she would be living there for the next 18 months. And then before she was able to come home, he would be leaving home and be gone for two years. So essentially, these two kids wouldn't be seeing each other for about three years. And they were very, very close. They loved each other very much. And so this was his little homage to his sister. She loved to watch him wrestle. And she wanted to be there, she was sad, she couldn't be there. And so it was a really tender moment, it was a really great thing as a mom to see this connection between my son and my daughter, and the bond that they had. Anyway, fast forward, we started wrestling, we got down to business. And in wrestling, you may not know there's something called Blood time where if the ref sees one of the children start to bleed, he will stop the match. And they will wipe the blood off the mat, the wipe the blood off the athletes. And during this time, while they're wiping all the blood from all the places, sometimes they'll play that the blood type song or that walkout song again. And this is what they did. And for whatever reason, there tends to be a lot of blood time when my son wrestles he enjoys a good crossface. And so they started there was some blood time during this particular match. And they started playing that take me home song by John Denver. And the most amazing thing happened instead of people continue to laugh when it got to the chorus, everybody started to sing both, you know, sides, the rivals, the rival high school team, our high school seq team, everybody started singing country roads take me home to the place I belong. And the thing where it crescendo the most was where it said I belong. And I looked around and it was kind of this magical moment in this sweaty hot gym where there was something that really spoke to me that said, in a crowd in a moment before everybody was yelling and everybody was divided. This song kind of brought everybody together this thought of belonging and going home was kind of this universal concept that we all believe in. And as I've thought about that moment, isn't that what we all want? We want to belong, we want to belong to something or to someone to a cause or to a group. And it was a beautiful reminder that in a world that's often divided, we can create a place of belonging in our own homes. I learned that lesson in a dark sweaty gym full of high school wrestlers and their families, a most unlikely place.
Dr. Tim Thayne:Parents, your time is valuable and I'm grateful you spent some of it with us. What you're intentionally doing in your home life isn't firing and unmatched in its importance and long term effects ask yourself what am I going to do because of what I've learned today