Take Me Home Pt. 2

In part two of the mini Take Me Home series we hear some more stories from the Homeward Bound Team. Dawnie Williams, Lyle Nelson, Kayla Anderson and Erin Kitterman all share stories of home and family. During this Thanksgiving, it is good to remember what makes a home for us and to express our gratitude for it. 

Transcript

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Dr. Tim Thayne: 0:04

There are as many ways to parent as there are parents in this world. But there is one way to parent that wins every time. And that's doing it intentionally. This show is about helping things go right before they can go wrong. Each episode is chosen to help parents like you, who may be overwhelmed or uninspired. Find the ideas and motivation to give their best efforts to the people and place that matters the most. I'm Dr. Tim, Thayne, author of the book and host of the podcast, not by chance, I believe that a family's success and happiness is not by chance. So welcome to the podcast built especially for intentional families. Let's jump in. Hi, everyone. It's great to be back with you today. And I'm excited to be able to share some more stories from our recent advance at homeward bound. As you know, from the last podcast, we are talking about stories that people have around the idea of coming home. And they're pretty powerful. Just the other day I had a chance to listen to the last podcast and Talmage had spliced in a few of these stories there. And I was blown away by my team's just depth and variety of stories that they came up with. I think you'll laugh, you'll cry. You'll appreciate it'll touch your heart in different ways as you listen to those stories and to these that you'll hear today. This week, you'll hear from Donnie Williams a long time. Team member here at Homeward Bound really one of the first you'll hear from Lyle Nelson, one of our great coaches. You'll hear from Kayla Anderson, someone that's helped us on the administrative team. And the last one is Aaron Kinderman, who's one of our young adult teen mentors. I hope you enjoy.

Dawnie Williams: 2:04

Moms are the keepers of important or meaningful stuff. At least my mom was her stuff occupied every inch of her dresser boxes against the wall in the office and eventually totes found in every closet of the home. When my mom passed away this past year, she slipped away so suddenly, there was no time for two way communication, no time to go through her stuff together to understand the value it was to her. Soon after mom passed away, it was time to empty out the family home so it could be sold. It took much longer than it should have because five siblings means five different opinions on what is important to save, and what things we should sort through together or individually. We were all grieving in our own way and letting go of things was harder for some than others. The five of us are only eight and a half years apart. Our memories of growing up differ as much as our opinions now, old debates surfaced, but so did laughter and reminders of parents who did their best and succeeded if you asked me at creating a home where kids enjoy coming home. As adults, we wanted to celebrate birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas at home. even long after mom and dad quit hosting we took our turns hosting but in their home. These last eight years or gatherings have taken on a new look. Rather than gathering as a group. We went on individual visits where each of us took turns doing grocery shopping, preparing meals, taking care of laundry, spring cleaning, being a taxi for doctor's appointments, and just visiting to have eyes on them. We even brought grandkids to see them because they so rarely got out of the house. I think this is just the cycle of life and it happens without giving much thought. As the house became more empty. We realized how long it had been since we had all gathered at home at the same time. We decided that before the home was sold, we wanted to spend as much time there together as possible. We planned a few sleepovers and carefully planned out our family favorite traditions to enjoy in the home one last time. From the familiar knock on the door to Sunday dinner eating out and banana splits around the kitchen table. We wanted to do it all again. My brother brought over the 1971 Ford truck that our parents had purchased brand new. All five of us drove that truck in high school. And back in the day the truck and camper were the means for all but a few of our family trips. We went for a drive in the Ford walked around the neighborhood sharing stories of sneaking out and always getting caught and what life was like when each of us became old enough to work in my parents restaurant with them. Bowling was a family tradition. So we met up at a bowling alley and got takeout from some favorite local places. We sat around the kitchen table talking late into the night until finally we slept on the living room floor lined up like you'd expect to find siblings. Fast forward a few months and although the house is sold, we are still going through mom's boxes of stuff. I'm finding checks when gasoline costs 26 cents a gallon On, I found my mom's wedding ring which had been misplaced for four years. I'm listening to audio cassette tapes, hearing my parents young, strong voices and my visiting grandmother's being interviewed by us kids. I'm reading letters between my mom and her grandmother and aunts, I'm getting to know my mom and understand her piles of stuff in a way that I never thought possible. In doing so I have a new love and appreciation for her and her stuff. My siblings are all getting together on a video call once a week now to share these findings and to decide what to preserve. In spite of losing our parents, we are still coming together in a new way and in new homes.

Lyle Nelson: 5:44

Hello, I'm lyle I grew up in a small community in Hawaii called a willow. It's on the Big Island, North side. It's a very, very small community about 600 people with its small General Store and our small church that we were heavily involved. You know, I knew everyone that I grew up with, and everyone knew me. And that was that was sort of the deal with with the town that I lived in. Our house was up in the mountain side. We had about two acre property with the eucalyptus forests. And so I spent a lot of time on my adventures outside. And our neighbors were ranchers and our neighbors down the mountain more sugar cane workers. So that was that was a community I was used to, there was no streetlights, there was no real intersections. The roads were barely paved at night, it was always quiet star shone bright. And there felt like there wasn't a whole lot of people in the world. At 13 My dad ended up having a project in Bangkok to work on their airport. And so we had to uplift our life and everything that I knew, to move to Bangkok. And you know, we were also leaving behind my brother who went off to college and so that was that was something I was going to miss beyond my small home and where I knew everyone and our you know, our the countryside that we had, and our our house to, to move to Bangkok and to move to a small apartment. And so the things that I noticed the first day that I was there very first day were the amount of traffic crazy traffic four lane roads use the six lane roads, constant honking, some so many knives and just it was sensory overload. And it was also slightly odd or slightly more humid. So it just it felt it felt overbearing was my first impression of Bangkok. And really 8 million people in that city. So to go from 600 people to 8 million people and not know anyone, no friends just know my parents. I felt really anxious in that first couple of weeks and really tried my best to stay in our apartment and not go out and not venture out the first month that I was there, but there were a few constant things my parents brought over from from Hawaii that never change. We always had dinners together, we always made dinner, we always there are chores, wash the dishes and whatnot, those things stayed the same whether it was in our house and polo and our apartment in Bangkok. And we still did grocery shopping together. But instead of our small general store their occasional long run to Costco on the other side of the island, we went to the local soup supermarkets and knows how to its own new sights and smells and, and a lot more people different language there too. And also, instead of family trips to the beach, or going to the Volcano National Park or, you know the the other many national parks that we have in Hawaii, we took we took trips out of Bangkok, to the beautiful countryside. And I really started to learn to appreciate the culture or the language and I certainly started my love with Thai food that I have to this day. There was also the constant expectation of going to school doing my homework, my parents talking to my teachers being invested in my report card and and who who my classmates are which I ended up making two best friends. My parents always, always wanted one of them to come over and always allowed me to go over to their house. And they were far more adventurous than than I which I needed. And they lived there a year before I was even moved to Bangkok so that helped. And so we took tax These together we took took tux, which are converted motorcycle cabs all around the city. We do what most teenage boys would do, whether it's in the States or, and in a city like Bangkok, we go to the movies, we go to the arcades, we find junk food, played laser tag hanging out in the malls, just the malls look a little bit different. Within months, I felt far more confident in my new and bad environment. In fact, I learned to love living in Bangkok more than I love living in polo, believe it or not, and I love I love where I grew up. And this new environment couldn't be more opposite than the one I knew. So how and why did I grow? Well,

Unknown: 10:45

part of that was my parents consistency, and, and routine. And, and, and making sure that I had everything that I needed, and that they were invested in the things that I were was into. And so what it really came down to was love, they were consistent about love. And I've always felt that. And I've always knew that. And from there, I was able to grow from there and embrace my new environment. So to me, what what is home, it's not just a place, it's a lot.

Kayla Anderson: 11:27

When I think of home, I think of my family, I think of me and my husband, I think of kids running around our house, soccer games, dance class, and family dinners around our kitchen table. Ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to be a mom when I grew up. It even says that in my elementary yearbook when they asked all the sixth graders what they want to be when they grow up. In March of 2019, my husband and I decided it was time for us to start having kids. We started trying but things didn't seem right with my health to get pregnant. So I went to see a doctor to make sure everything was okay. I have diabetes and some thyroid issues. So I didn't know if that would complicate anything. They ran some tests and decided to put me on some medications. Every month, I was supposed to take the medication and get a blood draw to make sure all of my hormone levels were okay. So that's what I did. We tried to have kids each month I take my medications, get my blood drawn and take a pregnancy test. Each month the tests would come back negative. So we kept trying and trying. It got to the point where I was taking pregnancy tests and not telling my husband because I didn't want to get his or my hopes up. One day, I realized that it was the earmark for when we started trying to have a kid. That was so discouraging. After taking all of those medications, getting my blood drawn and going through this whole process, month after month for a whole year, I gave up hope. I got so frustrated that my husband and I felt so strongly to have kids but couldn't. I felt like a failure as a woman. I felt lost because being a mom was my life goal. And it seemed like I wasn't going to be able to accomplish it. And I felt daunted because now I had to come up with a whole new plan for my life. At this point, it seemed to me that I would never become pregnant. So I stopped seeing my doctor, stop taking all the medication she prescribed to me and stop doing blood tests each month. Because what's the point? Although I gave up hope of becoming pregnant, my desire to be a mother and raised children never left. My heart longed for a kid, for our family to grow. And for our house to feel like a home. My husband and I started talking about looking into adoption or maybe going to a fertility clinic. We decided to think and pray about which decision we should move forward with. As we took time to look into each option and really think about it. I started showing some signs of early pregnancy. I didn't want to get my hopes up still. So again, I took a pregnancy test without my husband knowing and boom. There was a digital test that showed unmistakeably that I was actually pregnant. What I had hoped for my whole life and had come to the conclusion that wasn't possible for me to achieve had finally happened. I now have an almost 11 month old crawling around my house, making messes everywhere, and sometimes crying for no apparent reason. But I have my kid I'd been hoping for for more than a year. And those family dinners I've been wanting and hopefully still some soccer games in the future.

Unknown: 14:49

I first started across country because I didn't want to do volleyball. The day before tryouts and so that whole summer I had been doing volleyball and then I have did not want to do it the same day that cross country started. And so I was like, Well, I gotta do something. And so I joined cross country with no summer conditioning and no experience and never really hearing about it other than negative things. And my first race was a week later after I started. And so I ran that race with a very false idea of how long it would take or how I would feel, didn't feel good. And I didn't know how to pace how far to push myself how successful I could be, or how to prepare. And so throughout that first season, I learned so much cross country has taught me so much about myself and about how life works. And you'd never think it, but it did. And I've been able to apply so many of those first season lessons to my life and use them to help me get closer to where I want to be. So here are my top three lessons from cross country. One is that nobody looks good while racing, you don't have to look like you're doing great. Everybody's in the same row. Everybody's running their own race. Nobody's worried about whether if you look like they're worried about like, how well they're doing in their own race. And so that has kind of taught me to have more of a mindset of like, well, what am I doing? What am I? What do I need to get better at? What am I needing to improve? What do I need to like, feel better. And so this just taught me to worry about myself a little bit more and kind of internalize the idea that everybody's worried about themselves more than they're worried about you. And then the second one, is that everyone does better with a pacer. They guide you through big groups with different paces, that can be confusing. They are there to struggle with you and motivate you. They're running their own race, but they're helping you through yours, too. And they just help you do better, we all do better. With the help of others in life, supporting and encouraging each other helps everyone it helps you to know that you're there to support someone and that somebody needs you is so helpful to know, sir is that not every race is going to feel the same at all. So just like every race is no experience, where what you eat matters, what you did that day, what you did that week, etc, all of that matters. Not every day is going to feel the same, not every week, or every experience is going to feel the same. Because every day is different as different emotions, different energy, different contexts. And that's okay. It's okay to embrace that it's okay to have ups and downs. And we're not robots. So it's, it was super important for me to learn that and to really work on like, internalizing that, which I'm still doing. It's okay to have ups and downs, which is crazy, I know. But by my last race, I was able to run it with one of my teammates, and finish with a PR for both of us a personal record. But like about a minute, which is a lot. I was able to push myself without burning myself out and embrace my sweaty, tired self doing my best. And be proud of myself for that. Like cross country, every race is a loop. And that's great because you know where to go back to and we're home bases, you know where you're going. And if I apply that to my wife, then I definitely say I'm somewhere else like the back of the loop. I'm not very close to home, not very close to the beginning, either. I'm somewhere in between. And that's all right. That's something I've had to like learn and be able to accept that it's okay that I don't know everything is good. It's good that I've learned a lot. And it's good to recognize that. But I have a long way to go. And so with all the lessons that I learned in life and throughout cross country, and 1000 of other ways that I learned. I think that that's how I'm going to make it home eventually.

Dr. Tim Thayne: 18:54

Parents, your time is valuable and ungrateful. You spent some of it with us. What you're intentionally doing in your home life is inspiring and unmatched in its importance and long term effects. Ask yourself, What am I going to do because of what I've learned today?