23: Don't treat people how you want to be treated

Why is the common idea to "treat people the way you would want to be treated" wrong? All is explained by ex-FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss in "Never Split the Difference"

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Speaker 1 1:35

Why is the common idea to treat people the way you would want to be treated so wrong? All is explained by ex-,FBI, hostage negotiator, Chris Voss in Never Split the Difference.

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Welcome to the bite-size sales podcast where we believe that sales is the most important team and a B2B company, that the sales team deserves great sales skills training, but usually doesn't get it, and that taking bite size steps each day to get better at your craft is the best way to improve results. I am your host, Andrew Monaghan, and I'm using my experiences and B2B sales to bring you simple, actionable ideas every day to help you get better

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If you had the same experience growing up as I did, you were probably told many times to treat people the way you would want to be treated yourself. Well, not so fast as Chris Voss wrote in his book Never Split the Difference. Reading directly from the book. A CEO once told me he expected nine of 10 negotiations to fail. The CEO was likely projecting his beliefs onto the other side. In reality, he probably already had matched with someone like-minded one of 10 times. If he understood that his counterpart was different from him, he must surely would've increased his success rate from the way the prepare to, the way they engage in dialogue , the three types the Goshi ate differently. So before you can even think about bargaining effectively, you have to understand your counterparts normal. You have to identify their tie , but opening yourself to their difference because when it comes to negotiating, the golden rule is wrong. The black Swan rule is don't treat others the way you want to be treated. Treat them the way they need to be treated. So there you go. From the book, the three types that he is talking about are analysts, accomodators and assertives and if you buy the book, he's got a link, a great link to a cheat, a cheat sheet that helps you determine exactly what the other person you're working with is like. Now I've recently had my eyes completely open wide. The power of using disc to quickly assess what style someone is and then being able to change my communications for them to be most effective and work in their style. This is exactly the same idea. Some people just need to be communicated with a certain way. If someone is all about the specifics, the numbers, the details, a step by step the plan, then you can go at them with big strategic ideas cause just going to lose them. They're going to doubt you. They're going to be suspicious of you. You're not talking their language essentially. And it's the same the other way around as well, right? If you go with detail at a person who likes big ideas, you're going to bore them and have them come complicated and confused by all the minutia that you're talking about. So the action from this is the challenge yourself to snap out of the old habit of feeling great about an interaction because you felt great and start thinking about the best way to communicate with each of your prospects or customers before you go into the meetings. It's okay. You fully a little bit uncomfortable when you're doing this cause you will, you're going to use someone else's style to communicate on not necessarily your own, but so long as you're using the most effective communicating style for their needs and their preferences. You will be much more effective.

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if you liked this episode, please share it wide and far spread the word. I get energy from seeing people download and use this content, so please just take 20 seconds to share with anyone you think would like it to

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The episode is sponsored by unstoppable dot. Do most sales teams are not trained effectively in the skills and mindset they deserve and these are the most important people in the company. It's no wonder that only about 50% of reps make quarter every year. Unstoppable is a service that helps sellers and leaders get great at the skills and mindset they need without taking time out of the field. It exists because if the sales team has the right skills and mindset, they thrive. They are confident

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and they performed much better. Find out more and even get a free sales book@bitesizesales.com. Now, to wrap up as Brian Gumbel , chief revenue [inaudible]

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officer at Sai sense may or may not have one set training without implementation is just entertainment and preparer entertainment when Monahan does it. So make sure you take action on what you learn and keep getting better every day. This world does not need more sales BS, so don't create any more . Be great at the fundamentals. Be honest, be real. Be yourself. Just do not be us. And finally, I'm setting off as the great Joe Sexton would by saying, gone to sell

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