So the new year has begun and as a weight loss doc, you might be looking to me for weight loss advice. But as always, I am going to give you perhaps not the kind of advice you think you want to hear, but the advice that I know from working with patients for the past 20 years that you need to hear. And I promise you that you need to hear this right now.
Welcome back to Healthbite, I'm your host Dr Adrienne Youdim. I am triple board certified as an internist, obesity medicine and physician nutrition specialist and I help people redefine nutrition to include not only the food that we eat well but all the ways we can nourish ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally.
And before we get started I wanted to share some really exciting news! After being asked for years and years and years to offer my own personal event and I am finally doing it! A transformational event “Ditch the New Year New You Shenanigans: A New Approach to Sustainable Weight and Wellness in the New Year.”
In this course I will help you redefine nutrition - beyond what's on your plate and receive actionable guidance on how to incorporate diet, sleep, movement, and contemplative practices into your daily routine.
We will Discover the profound link between physical and emotional hunger, break through your barriers AND give you a chance to meet with me and ask your questions!!
Stay tuned to the podcast and join my newsletter linked in the show notes to be the first to sign up in the next coming weeks. You can also head over to the shownotes sign up for my newsletter and download my guide. Once you receive it, shoot me an email back and say I/m in to let me know you are interested. Feel free to also let me know what you need. As I am creating the content now I would love to hear how this `workshop will serve you best!
Alright, now let's get back to this week's podcast. And I thought I would talk to you about forgiveness and weight loss. Now before you roll your eyes and say what the heck does forgiveness have to do with weight loss. I am here to show you, it can be everything.
So here is a really common scenario. A few weeks ago, a patient was referred following a new diagnosis of diabetes to discuss weight loss and some of the drugs that would help manage both- his diabetes and excess weight. And he was nearly in tears when he said, I did this to myself. I heard the same thing from another patient recently, who had several failed fertility treatments and was told that losing some weight might improve her chances. She was in tears too. And I have heard some version of its my fault from umpteen patients in the past. And wanna know something, I have felt it too.
But this time it got me thinking. Why are we are so damned hard on ourselves? So maybe it is “our fault” if fault means that we are imperfect. If fault means that you dont do what you are supposed to do all the time. If fault means that you are always on, always perfect, always on it, always always always.
SO let me ask you, who do you know who is always?
Your friends? Your partners? Your heroes? No one is always and if it looks like that from the outside then either they are faking it or you are misguided in how you view these in your mind perfect people. Trust me, in the past 20 years I have worked with doctors, lawyers, therapist, actors, producers, former NBA athletes- no one is always anything.
So lets assume that you are imperfect and that it is your fault, ok, so now what?
You have 2 choices and 2 choices only. You hate on yourself and beat yourself up for letting life get in the way, for gaining the weight, for regaining the weight, for not making yourself or your health a priority in which case you are so busy hating on yourself, you have no bandwidth left to actually do something about it OR you can offer yourself forgiveness.
This is such a profound practice and has profound mental and physical benefits which include:
Allowing you to make peace with yourself
facilitating a feeling of connection rather than isolation.
Allowing for the emotional resilience that is required to make lasting and effective change
All of which can be deeply healing.
So how can you go about doing this, forgiveness practice?
Well I have a meditation for you. And as you know I am a huge fan of writing. And you can definitely transition into a writing practice after the meditation.
Now I am going to give you the instructions. If you are able you can do it now or you can just listen first and run thru the actual practice when you are able.
Start by getting yourself to a comfortable and quiet place. Sit in an upright alert but comfortable position. Close your eyes and start by taking a few deep breaths. Take the in breath thru the nose and be mindful that your belly is soft and protrudes with the inhalation. I know this may seem a little weird at first but basically you dont want to suck your belly in, you actually want to allow it to open our so that your lungs can take all the space that it needs not only the chest but also in the belly.
Now exhale fully out of the mouth. You want to prolong the exhale so that it takes longer than the inhale, really deflating your lungs and fully expiring. Deep inhale in thru the nose, prolonged exhale out. Take some time to engage in a few good breaths. You might notice how good this feels and just stay here for a moment, breathing in and out.
Now I want you to imagine you are sitting across from yourself in your minds eye. Look into your face and say, I forgive you.
I forgive you for (you can add here what it is exactly you are forgiving yourself for) or make it broad. I forgive you for what I have done, intentionally or unintentionally, for letting you down.
Try and bring a soft presence to this exercise.
Now be the receiver. Receive this forgiveness.
Take some deep breaths and direct your attention to your heart.
Breathe in.
Put your hands on top of your heart one upon the other
Hold yourself kindly in your heart.
Give yourself a squeeze as if you are giving your heart a hug.
Now exhale
“I forgive you.”
This may bring about strong emotions. If so, bring yourself back to the breath and to your body. focus on your breathing in thru your nose out thru the mouth.
Be present to yourself in your body, the feeling of your hands on your chest or on your lap, the feeling of your pelvis sinking into the chair, the feeling of your feet planted on the floor. ,
Now bring to mind someone who may have hurt or upset you. Imagine them in the seat across from you in your mind’s eye.
Open your heart to this person and imagine them opening their heart to you.
Now say to them, I forgive you.
Keep breathing and feel your heart space connecting with theirs. Stay there for a moment breathing in and out, staying soft, present and feeling forgiveness flowing from you toward them.
Now ask for their forgiveness for how you may have been complicit, for how you may have played a role in this hurt.
Again feel your heart space connecting with theirs and feel forgiveness flowing between you.
Keep breathing for a few minutes more. Now thank them and let them go.
Take a moment to bring yourself back to your body, back to the present moment. Ground yourself in your chair as you did before. Feel your hands resting on your lap, your feet on the floor. Keep breathing.
Finally extend forgiveness to all who are in need in the world, on the planet, which is everyone. Everyone is in need of forgiveness.
Allow this feeling to grow and expand, in your heart, in your body, stay soft and present breathing in, breathing out,
Now bring yourself back to your body, back to the present moment. Ground yourself in your chair as you did before. Feel your hands resting on your lap, your feet on the floor. Keep breathing.
When you’re ready, open your eyes and bring your attention back into the room.
Once you are done with this meditation, consider taking some time to write about your experience.
Remember that we are all imperfect, that we all have moments, or even prolong periods of time when we act in a way that is or was not in our best interest. When we become aware we have an opportunity to do things differently. And we will only be able to do so if we give ourselves the chance to change to grow and to evolve with an open heart and an open mind. This is not only the kind thing to do, but it is the effective thing to do.
I cannot tell you how many times someones inability to forgive themselves has gotten in the way.
Its not a matter of not knowing what to eat. Or not knowing how to exercise or that they need to move their bodies. Its not even a matter of not knowing that this process takes time and persistence. Often these unhealthy habits have been years in the making. We know we cannot expect to flip the switch and immediately see the results.
We know…
And yet our inability to know deeply. To hold ourselves with kindness and compassion, to forgive ourselves gets in the way.
So I am here to remind you and to ask you, to get out of your own damn way, please.
Alright, thats all for this week. I hope that you found this podcast valuable. If so please head over and leave us a review where ever you listen. And while you are there check out our show notes and sign up for the newsletter. You dont want to miss out when my workshop , Ditch the New Year New You Shenanigans: A New Approach to Sustainable Weight and Wellness in the New Year.” drops.
So excited really so so! See you here next week on healthbite.