Douze Points! - The Eurovision Podcast
Eurovision, but not as you know it! Australia's biggest weekly Eurovision podcast, giving you all the dirt, all the drama and all the scathing opinions you love to hear about the Contest we live for!
Douze Points! - The Eurovision Podcast
Eurovision Host City: A Whirlwind Adventure from Malmo, Malamo, Matey- ho?
Want to know the maiden crushing history of Malmo, and your quickest route to Amsterdam's famed Sex Museum? We've got you covered! We'll be your trusty guides as you gain some surprising insights about Malmo's naming history (hint: it involves a girl and a mill). We promise you'll be entertained, educated, and maybe even a bit bewildered by the journey.
So, why not take a break from the mundane and join us on this whirlwind tour of history, humor, and a heaping helping of hope? Trust us; you won't regret it!
#eurovision
So see what? Hi Android Sh dope My�퀸OhFacep 없고 Th belang張 you few things we're gonna get right off the bat. I know there is the terrible things happening in the world right now, but you know what. You know what? We are not here to get sucked into the darkness. We are not here to get sucked into the bullshit and the chaos and the darkness that they want to bring into this world. We are here for light and we are here for love. And you know what Just seems darkness is coming at us from all over. But you know what? It's just playing that same old playbook. We are not gonna give in. We are gonna rise above, because love Trumps, hate Eurovision Trumps, everything. And I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but this is gonna pass. We will make our way. We will push back to the light.
Speaker 1:So, just for now, take a little bit of time. Take some time for that self-care. You need to recharge that batteries. Take a moment out and just enjoy the good things. Remember, life is worth living, beauty is out there. And to all the badness, in the words of Eurovision, we stand united and we say a-bucka-bucka-bucka-bucka-buck, a-bucka-bucka-bucka-bucka-buck. Well said Eurovision, well said Okay. First thing we have to do. Oh my Lord, apparently I am so excited for Eurovision. I might have got a bit excited and told everyone we only have about five months until Eurovision.
Speaker 1:It turns out, they could possibly not be five months, it could be closer to seven months. Apparently, in my excitement, I have confused May with March. I'm just that excited, I'm just that ready. You know what to hell with it? Eurovision can be as close as you want it to be. Eurovision is as near as you need it to be. If you need it to be in three months you know what? Say it's gonna be in three months, then have yourself a Eurovision party, throw on an old Eurovision and live it like it's. It's nineteen, ninety-nine. You do what you need to do. And also, if you have booked your time off for five months, this is the good thing, you know. You want enough time to maybe go back and push it back a couple of months, just in case you need to. Oh, the other thing, I love it. My messages are blowing up.
Speaker 1:Everyone apparently has a different way to say Malmo, malmoa, oh, hello, jason, jason, malmoa, oh, I'll have a performance in that. Thank you, malmo Malamoooola. You know what? I'm just gonna call it the Australian version. I think we're just gonna call it Mado Woo, mado in seven months cannot wait. Malmo, malmo, mato.
Speaker 1:We want to know the important things. Eh, I'm not gonna tell you how many people are in the city. Who cares? The important news we need to know is that it's only a nine hour drive from the Sex Museum of Amsterdam. That technically, if you wanna walk it, apparently you can do it in five days. I don't know, maybe a bit slower if you have a massive boner, or two days on a bicycle. Again, I'm not sure you should bicycle at that moment. You could do yourself an injury. I found out, though, apparently just trying to do a Google, when trying to do the search. How long will it take me to ride my bicycle from Eurovision to the Sex Museum of Amsterdam? Oh my Lord, europe, you dirty pervs.
Speaker 1:You have Sex Museum and Penis Museums all over the place. Obviously, we have the Sex Museum in Amsterdam. There's also a Penis Museum in Iceland, and let's not forget Penis World of Turkey, who runs the world Penis, apparently, according to Turkey. Although, if you're sitting in America, you can't be sitting there smiling to yourself, because you also have Big Dick Lake. That's right, america, you can visit the Big Dick Lake. I mean, you have to have exactly what's there on the package. You've gotta have some big Cajones to just call a lake the Big Dick Lake. It's after myself, you know. Oh, wow, pioneers, a weird bunch. Okay, so we're only nine hours away from the Sex Museum of Amsterdam.
Speaker 1:What else can we tell you about Malmo? Malmo Mateo. The earliest written recording of Malmo as a city was in 1275. But that's the thing, don't think. Ooh, ooh, 1275. It's gotta be very old, an ancient city. You don't know what was mentioned about it in 1275. It could be. Do not, under any circumstances, go to the shit pit called. I mean it didn't, but I'm just saying Research, just in case.
Speaker 1:Now, according to Wikipedia, the original name of the city meant gravel pile or one hill. Again, there's having too much imagination calling it the Big Dick Lake. There's not. On the other hand, having not enough imagination and calling it the gravel pile. There is one myth that the gravel pile actually comes from a more gruesome tale where a young maiden was once. Well, she fell into a mill. Ah, as you do fell into a mill and was ground up in the mill by the huge, chunky stones where the town square now sits. The name, some people argue, comes from Malmo, which translates to ground up maiden. And if you go to the town square today, apparently there is a millstone that was placed there in 1538. Oh lord, it's a terrible tragedy and I know you want to remember the poor girl, but maybe we can remember it by calling it Victoria or Victoria's Smile, not ground up woman, lord. Okay, hopefully things get better for the history.
Speaker 1:By the dawn of the 18th century, malmo Molo Maceo had grown to have about 3,000 inhabitants. However, due to wars and the bubonic plague, the population dropped to 1,800 by 1727. Oh, it's not looking good so far. But is it the Black Plague? I think we all forget. After the Black Plague, europe was just mostly empty and I think the few people that were around just didn't want to go near any other people. Oh, to be honest, it was me. After all, the lockdowns happened. Oh, after six months of sweet bliss, working from home in my pajamas, never having to interact with another human being. Oh, it was so hard to go back to public transport. Ah, but over time the city has managed to grow.
Speaker 1:There's actually a ridiculously large amount of young students at university. So hello, if you're into young, fit, smart people, then this could be the place for you. I mean, I say that, but hopefully the young, fit, intelligent people are also into you. If they're not because you're 90, stop hanging out with the students. It's not cool, dude. It's not cool.
Speaker 1:All right, you're planning your holiday. You're going to go to Malmo, maceo, malmo, what should you be prepared for? So I looked it up. What's the weather like in May? Apparently the record high 29.6 degrees Celsius. Okay, that's bearable, I know. For a lot of people who are used to it, a lot cooler. That seems very shocking. Remember, in Australia we can get up to 50, 29.6. We still have James on the record low. It once got to minus 4.5. It's like crawling into your freezer. So just remember that when you're packing, either 29.6 or minus 4.5. Although, okay, with global warming you are likely to enjoy both of those temperatures in the same day.
Speaker 1:The city wants to assure everyone who gets, though, don't worry, you're going to have so many options to travel around. There is actually a train that runs every 20 minutes, hourly, late at night, connecting Malmo to Copahagan and the Copahagan Airport, which is only about 35 to 40 minutes away. Yay, so you don't have to get there and worry about an expensive cab ride, although Malmo does have its airport, although it's mainly used for domestic Swedish destinations and low cost carriers. Oh, someone's being a little bit airport judgy, as long as they get you there. Yeah, just to let you know, approximately 40% of all the commuting is done by bicycle and there's about 410 kilometers of bike paths. So get your little gams, get your little legs in action. Cycling is the key. Remember, only two days by bicycle to the Sex Museum. You're also going to find the head of the IKEA headquarters. So I guess that depends on how you feel about IKEA.
Speaker 1:I know some people are weirdly obsessed with IKEA. This could be the place for you Go see the mothership, throw yourself around in their giant ball pit. But I think the thing you have to know is the city of Malmo and Copahagan are the main locations in the television series the Bridge. That's just all I'm gonna say. Oh my lord. It's had like 100 million, billion Contrillion views around the world. It just seems to be one of those shows that just crossed all the barriers. I know they show it here on SBS. That shows our Eurovision performances huge show, huge around the world. If you're a fan, get yourself a fancy Raincoat and then you can get some glorious photos of yourself with a torch just standing around Recreating episodes, just looking at detective looking Contemplating Lee at the city, like if I was on a bicycle. How much time would I have to kill him and get on his bicycle and get back to the sex museum? The other thing I'm just gonna say it with your revision heading it's not too soon to start booking Accommodation. In fact, maybe do it now, before they start jacking up prices.
Speaker 1:I just started looking at some of the really beautiful, just places that you could stay in Malamo and I'm like, oh my god, this is really nice. It's really nice just clicking on places at random that showed up on Google Maps. Oh my lord. One of the things that I definitely recommend is, when you go into Google Maps, there was a section that has reviews. You have to read it, as I've recently found out. Oh my god, people actually review public parks. How insane is that. But honestly, people had given very detailed reports like I love. I love this park. There are three ventures, there are two seats which are comfortable for sitting for 30 minutes. One woman looked at a park and just given it one star and just went. Trees and some plants, that what else do you expect from a park, as well as his nature I was just like a dirt open field. Surely the beauty of nature deserves more than a One star, apparently, oh my lord. But apparently, what could do with a Review? I clicked on one because I just I loved the name and I saw the name and I went oh my god, this is totally where I would stay. Luckily, I hit the review button. There's a place called the rut and Ragnar Now allegedly this is Olivia Bonnard 14 days ago, beyond the fact that the hotel is not clean and poorly maintained, cigarette but and used razor found on the empty towel dispenser in the toilets.
Speaker 1:I liked the fact that she had to emphasize that it was on the empty towel dispenser. Whoo-hoo, slap, slap. Baseboards covered in crumbs. What are you doing to get down to look at the baseboards? It's just, you know, ventilation blocked with tape. We have found my two friends and I had at least 60 capital letters bed bugs on our box spring. I hope that's not a metaphor. I hope she means the mattress, but so they were on her box spring, the footboards behind the mirror as well as on the floor. Why are you looking behind the mirror? Ok, noticing the ones on the mattress behind the mirror just seems a little much like hard work.
Speaker 1:In shock, I noticed the member of staff that evening who came into my room and minimized the importance of the problem by repeating to me that I had to remain calm, saying another one bites the dust Every time he killed a bed bug with his spray. Oh, oh, oh, did I run a show? Oh my God, as much as I am disgusted with this place, I kind of love it. Another one bites the dust. Does that make it better or worse? Yes, so they complained. There are bed bugs behind my mirror. Sir man comes up. Another one bites the dust. Spray your room full of spray.
Speaker 1:We would not offer any other replacement rooms or other linens. We wanted to use the washing machines, but they were taken over by this member of staff who immediately used one of them for his work clothes and the other for the infested curtains. We had no choice but to sleep through the night when we discovered these bed bugs. Incidentally, on the day of our arrival the rooms were not ready and were cleaned upon our arrival. Don't go to this hotel. Oh, I'm sure it was just an isolated and matthewskay one week ago. It was a really awful day. I have bed bugs now, so never, ever recommend this hotel room. One service, one location one. The year ago the reviews seemed better. So it seems everyone, even the bed bugs, are getting to. Malimo, mulmo, matheo, maybe stop looking now, maybe read some reviews, maybe take some bug spray. But that's not all. I've been thinking about this Eurovision. You know what else I've been thinking about Dadi. It turns out Dadi also has a little something on his mind that he wants to share with us. I help him. Wanna buy?
Speaker 2:it now. You wanna throw. You wanna go to my store and buy it now. Some people say you shouldn't buy it now. But to those people I say hey, buy it now. And if they go right ahead and buy it now, they will have bought it now. So Buy it now, buy it now. You wanna throw it to to buy it now, so buy it now. You wanna go to my store and buy it now.
Speaker 1:And if they go right ahead and buy it some more and buy it now. So buy it now. Oh my God, I love Dadi. Everything that he does is amazing and just makes you wanna sing along. But okay, so you've got the new album, you've got that out. You want us to go buy it? Is there anything else you wanna tell us, dadi?
Speaker 2:Tell you that I'm doing the tour in North America. Guarantee to be historical Take. It sold Really really fast. There are already some sold out shows. So I am gonna add Orlando Ooh me. And Tampa, atlanta I like it Nashville I'm at New York, san Francisco and LA show I'm watching from Phoenix, austin, houston, dallas I don't know that the tour is looking pretty sexy. So, to recap, I'm going to Old Idaho, tampa, atlanta, new York, philadelphia, washington, new York, new York, boston, new York, toronto, chicago, milwaukee, minneapolis, Denver, salt Lake City, seattle, vancouver, portland, san Francisco, tlac, los Angeles, los Angeles, phoenix, austin, houston.
Speaker 1:Dallas. I don't often tell people to follow other people on social media, but if you do not follow Dadi on something you really need to. Oh, he is guaranteed to bring that light and that joy into the world. I don't know, it can feel hard, but just keep holding on to that light. Even in the darkness, there is that silver circle. Ah, the world's maybe going to hell, but you know what? At least homes will suddenly become affordable again. Sure, it looks like we're going to live in a zombie, hellish, apocalyptic nightmare, but hey, you know what that means Free parking. But in the meanwhile, just remember we only have seven months. Possibly five months, possibly a week, possibly it was yesterday, I don't know, but there is always a new revision coming and that has to bring a smile. So in the meantime, try to be nice to someone, even if it's just yourself. Don't stress we have seven months to figure out. If it's Malmo Malamo, malmo, meteor, let us know what you think it should be.
