We Argue About Whether Australia will be Eclipsed this Eurovision? - Drunk edition!

Australia’s Eurovision 2026 entry is here, and we’re not pretending to be calm about it. 

We have locked Liz, Sam and Bob in the bunker, water boarded them with vodka and got some far too honest answers. Which raises the big argument, is this a smart, safe pick designed to qualify, or a glossy decision that misunderstands what Eurovision audiences actually reward?

We give overseas listeners a crash course on Delta and the reason she can split a room in seconds. For us, the tension is never “can she sing?” It’s how she reads on stage, how genuine she feels, and whether the performance invites people in or keeps them at arm’s length.

Subscribe, share the ep with a mate, and leave a review so we know which side you’re on.

#eurovision #eurovisionsong contest #eurovisionpodcast #eurovisionaustralia #eurovisionfunny

Transcript

Cold Open And Back In Bunker

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hard.

SPEAKER_00 0:01

It's good and targ, Sam, not good and hard. And you know that. You know that for a fact. Welcome back, everyone. If we haven't already been cancelled, we are back in the bunker for public safety. We're gonna have a couple of drinks and we are gonna review. The Lord help us, we are gonna review Australia's entry into Eurovision 2026. I'd normally accompany that with a woo, but I don't know, we'll find out if it deserves a woo. Uh look, I guess there's nothing else to do but to stare directly into the sun as we say. Bonjour. Guntag. Privet! Hello and welcome to the Deuce Poix Podcast. Welcome back, Seasoned Perts, as we find ourselves back in the bunker, ready to dismantle Eurovision 2026. Now, for those who have been following along, I have been reviewing, discussing, having an opinion on the songs of 2026 and the artists that they are sending. But today is the day. Drum roll. Someone give me a drum roll. Okay, I don't know what that was, but I don't feel that you should have been doing it in the room while we were still here. I feel very uncomfortable by that, Mr. Tarling. Here we are. We are going to review Australia's entry at Eurovision 2026. Now, this decision was made. Now we look, we've been looking at the different countries, how they select people. In the past, Australia has had Australia decides and the people get to vote. Have they always got it wrong? No. But has it been democratic?

unknown 1:54

Yes!

Why SBS Picks Delta Goodrem

SPEAKER_00 1:57

This year, oh Lord, oh Lord, some people in a room. Apparently mid-December, there was an internal selection made where they approached, look, I don't want to say an icon. I don't want to say a performer. Look, someone who lives here. They approached her and said, Do you want the job to represent Australia at Eurovision 2026? And she said yes, because frankly, what else was she doing? I am, of course, talking about Delta Goodrum. Oh, Lord help us all. Who'll be representing Australia this year with Eclipse? Straight off the bat, how are we feeling?

SPEAKER_01 2:41

I don't know how I feel. Like, I don't like her as a performer, not my type of music, not my type of musician. No. Uh, who else would they have picked?

Political Chaos And A Tired Nation

SPEAKER_00 2:51

Like literally anyone. Uh so here with us in the bunker today, of course, we have Mr. Sam Tarling, the original inventor of No, I don't need to wear a shirt in the office. And the one, the only bucket bub, the inventor of who needs to be sober at work. Thank you. Now, the the other thing that we should do is before we introduce, now, Sam, you have very kindly prepared a little rundown of a who is Delta Goodrum to present to our listeners who are overseas, who obviously have no idea who the fuck she is. But before we get to that, we usually do like a rundown of like what the country has been experiencing in the last 12 months since the last Eurovision. Mr. Tarling, how would you describe, what do you think of the peak events that you would describe Australia's last 12 months? How would you sum it up?

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Political chaos, I think. But not just Australia, like wide chaos. Like wondering whether Eurovision will still go ahead. Like with all the shit that's going on in the world, will it still happen? Like, will will we just be forgotten again and left out when they decided to like reform it in next year or the year after or whatever?

SPEAKER_00 4:10

So I think it depends on the quality of what we send. Like if we keep trying to send shit like Montaine, we got lasers, but no talent. No, I think they will rightly not renew our contract. I would have kicked us out after Montaigne rule up to me.

SPEAKER_01 4:27

So or Sheldon. The world has gone crazy.

SPEAKER_00 4:32

We are not equipped to it. And just like the rest of the world, bloody birth rate have just become non-existent. Not only because children are gross, because even the people who don't think they're grossed are like, fuck off, if I can afford one of them. Can't afford myself, let alone a child.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

Having a baby is like expensive, and then you gotta raise it and look after it and provide for it for 18 years.

SPEAKER_00 4:56

And I'm like, Do you though? You know, legally you can just leave them at fire departments, like fire stations. Get a plant, cheaper, probably lives longer, less needy. True. Fire department. That's all I'm gonna say. All right, there is always an option. You know, the the fire department, they have to legally take them, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_01 5:18

It's written somewhere.

SPEAKER_00 5:21

Eh, baby. They have to take it, yeah. They know the assignment. I think that's the we're not having a good time. We're having a bit of a bit of a downer, and we don't know what to do with ourselves. So the people at SBS and the powers at B went, what can we do for a nation? To rub salt in the wound. Let's get Delta. A nation is crying out in the darkness. Let's kick them while they're down. Big Delta. Delta fucking goodrum. This is one of the main reasons I actually sent you a message today, and I'm like, Sam, would you like to do the write-up and the expose on Delta Gudrum? Because I'm trying to write it, but every time I start writing about Delta Gudrum, somehow the world cunt just appears on my screen. So maybe I'm not the person for this expose.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

No.

Delta’s Career And Public Image

SPEAKER_00 6:20

Shall we say? Alright, would you like to introduce to the world Delta Goodrum?

SPEAKER_01 6:26

So, those who don't know Delta Goodrum, she actually started singing at the age of 15. She released her first single at the age of 15. She was in the Australian TV series Neighbours.

SPEAKER_00 6:39

Everyone. Everyone.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

Everyone who went on to sing or act started off in either Neighbours or Home and Away. But her character, Nina Tucker, which is like the most Aussie bogey.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

You were making that name up. No, that's Tucker. Nina Tucker.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

Yeah. That was her character. They actually wrote it especially for her. And this was her character.

SPEAKER_00 7:00

Oh, cunt.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

And I was worried about swearing too much. Her character was your typical high school Bogan girl who, you know, who thought, you know, she can sing, she can dance. And they they created a character especially for her. She's kind of been in in storage, and now they've pulled her out, duffed her off, and thought, yep, let's let's bring her in and use her for uh for Eurovision. Go back and watch, not that you will, episodes of The Voice where she was a judge. When she was meant to be listening and deciding whether to to turn around and support that artist, she made it about herself. Oh, made their performance all about her. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:42

It was all about her reacting to the audience and being like, it's just it was never about the performance.

SPEAKER_01 7:48

She took it away from the actual performance. From the performance.

SPEAKER_02 7:50

I stopped watching it when she became a judge because I just about you.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Yeah. You you've had your time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:59

This is someone else's time to show off their skill, their talents.

SPEAKER_00 8:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:03

Let them do it. Yeah. Support, encourage.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

But she had to steal that sunshine. Don't make it about you. Yeah. See, it's what I get. And it's like when she did have her hits, let's be honest, it was pre-pub. A lot of it was it was being bought by pre-pubescent people who didn't know better. All right. Literally, all they had was like the telly tubbies and then Delta. And they didn't realize.

SPEAKER_01 8:24

Her demographic was definitely young tweens, teenage girls. Uh-huh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:29

Um, and and that's what shits me because she is musically fucking talented. Like she can play the piano really well. She like she does have a fucking. She's like she does have a fucking voice on her, and it's it is quite impressive, but she's just she comes across as such a shitty person. Like definitely.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

Is she the Australian version of JLo? Oh yeah, there's yeah, yeah, I could see that. Just you know, like just abusing waiters, uh beating the help, making Ben Affleck lose the will to live.

unknown 9:03

Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

Delta Goodrum is a very divisive figure, shall we say? There are pre-pubescent, and there are some in the gay community who are very much in love with her. And the rest of us, look, we want to take her out to a Burning Man festival and put her in to the Burning Manifire.

SPEAKER_02 9:22

And I just and I and I I because I like I do appreciate her musical talent, I really do try to like her, but every single time I see her, she just slaps me in the face and does something where I'm like, oh fuck. It's it's not about you. Yeah. Just shut up or calm down. Or the the showboating that she does jumping around or standing on chairs or trying to like it's she's gotta be the centre of attention. I'm like, nah. But you know what?

SPEAKER_00 9:51

But it's not like in a good like showmanship kind of kind of way. It's like drunk mother of the bride.

SPEAKER_02 9:57

Yeah, everyone needs to be looking at me, paying attention to me.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

Yes. Even her interviews, they feel like they are all staged, rehearsed, and there is nothing genuine about her. Nothing that comes across as genuine. You can't relate to her because she is putting on an act every single time.

SPEAKER_00 10:18

You know what? I I have to pull you up on that because I would disagree about there's not one genuine thing because I genuinely think she's a cunt.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

You you've mentioned that once or twice tonight. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:32

I'm so feeling good about my language tonight. Like I'm just putting that out there. Because I know I was swearing McSwear face on the last episodes, and oh when did Bob become the role model when the the well-behaved were okay?

Eclipse Review After Watching Live

SPEAKER_00 10:48

Tantrum showed up and just too new. Alright, so here we are. We are in the the deadrums of a world gone crazy. We're gonna take a moment. We are gonna watch the official vote video, have a listen. It's a Delta Gudrum eclipse. Like, who knows? Maybe we'll be one over. This maybe we've about to be the most amazing, fucking powerful three minutes of our fucking lives.

SPEAKER_01 11:19

Three minutes and 13 seconds.

SPEAKER_00 11:21

Fuck me. That's it. I'm out. I'm out. All right, all right. Play let's play this shit. All right. And the crowd goes mild. We have just watched the official film clip, and then we thought, you know what, we're gonna look at one of the live at the Eurovision parties just to sort of get an idea of the production. How are you gonna sum this one up, Bob? What? Me first. No. You!

SPEAKER_01 11:47

You're Bob.

SPEAKER_02 11:49

There's only three of us in the bunker. Oh, I know, but I started by saying, don't ask me first. No, that's okay. Well, I will be the probably only positive-ish, well, more positive than the two of you, I'm assuming. Look, uh I mean, it's Delta. I'm not a fan of hers. So I don't love it. But at the same time, I'm a bit torn because I don't hate the song. And I don't think it'll be like it's not, you know, my jam. But I don't hate it. You know, like it's not Montagne, it's not Gojo. I can't hate on it too much because I hated those songs.

SPEAKER_00 12:24

So this is only the s like the third layer of hell as opposed to like a montane seventh layer of hell.

SPEAKER_02 12:30

Yeah. I mean, uh, it's you know, for me, it's got a bit of a beat, a bit dancy. It's, you know, it's not depressing. I I I don't hate it. I don't hate it. And I think it will do well enough. Ugh.

SPEAKER_00 12:45

I know. Now I'll pass over to you to to unleash hell. What do you think about Sam? Did it did it do well for you?

SPEAKER_01 12:53

I pretty much agree with Bob. I reckon that this will place in top 10 easy.

SPEAKER_02 13:00

No! I mean, it'll definitely get to the finals. Yeah. Oh. Which is more than we can say for some of the last fucking entries. So I think it will do well overall.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

Oh, will they? This this song hooks me straight away.

SPEAKER_00 13:14

I thought I was gonna be alone on this. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

Like the dancy club type. I'm like, was not expecting that. But like I enjoyed it. And then when she ran over to the piano and started doing like the almost classical opera style, I'm like interlude? Yeah, it was kind of like not what I was expecting. And I'm like, it works.

Dance, Piano, Gimmicks And Chances

SPEAKER_00 13:34

No, but it no, that's like that's the old trick of like, what do I do when like I have a performer who has no rhythm whatsoever? What do I do? Oh, I'll sit him down in front of an instrument. So it looks like, oh, she's playing the piano. No one will know for the minute that she's at the piano that she has no rhythm whatsoever. But she does have rhythm. She's musical. Does she I think you can like play a tune and not have rhythm. I draw my my reference for this, and you know what, we're gonna put a link to it up on Facebook. Now, the reason I think most pe Americans in particular are gonna know Delta Goodrum, and some of them are gonna know Delta Goodrum because I believe it was at a Beyonce or Justin Timberlake concert. I'm not sure it was somebody, and they were rocking out on stage, and a member of the crowd actually looked filmed in like one of sort of, you know, the expensive seats to the side, a video where they were mocking the most uncoordinated, I have no rhythm whatsoever, white girl trying to dance to Beyonce and completely missing every bid. So that sort of went across like TikTok. Everyone's like, ha ha ha! White people really can't dance, they have no rhythm. And then someone in Australia saw it and went, oh my god, that's Delta Gudrum.

SPEAKER_02 15:04

So there's a difference between not being able to dance and being fucking uncoordinated and not having rhythm. Like if you play classical piano, you have like you know timing. Yeah, not being able to move your body to said rhythm is a whole other fucking like issue.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

Like, watching that though, when Delta Delta moving and the way she moved, all I could think about was Lorreen and Tatum.

SPEAKER_02 15:29

She reminds me of a praying mantis. She reminds me of a long praying mantis that's just kind of just like awkwardly weighed in our hands around the place. Like her limbs just kind of flail. She doesn't really know what to do with herself, and it's just kind of yeah, it's just it's awkward to watch. Like musically, if I could just close my eyes and not look at her, I'm like, oh yeah, this is a catchy song. And then you see her moving and doing stuff. I'm like, ugh.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

And she keeps throwing her like her hand in the air, and you can tell in her mind she's mentally high-fiving herself because she is convinced she is fucking killing it while the fucking crowd looks on like who is this fucking uncle?

SPEAKER_02 16:09

To be honest, whenever I see her these days performing with the whole hand dress and everything, yeah, in my mind, I believe she thinks she is Australia's Celine Dion. Oh, 100% she wants to be Celine. No, not thinks. She is believes she is Celine Dion, but Australian format. Like that is how I I I believe she sees herself.

SPEAKER_01 16:32

But that's like why I made the comparison to her and Lorreen, like, because Lorreen is Eurovision royalty.

SPEAKER_02 16:38

Royalty.

SPEAKER_01 16:40

And I think that's what she's trying to like mimic and not aside to them. That she will be. She will be. Yeah. But looking at the costume that she was wearing at part of that clip when she was at the piano and looking at the way she moves, I was thinking it's Lorene. This is Loreen. But with even less talent. Stop hating on Lorreen. She is a goddess, okay?

SPEAKER_00 17:01

I'm looking at Lorena.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

Shut your fucking mouth.

SPEAKER_00 17:04

I'm looking at Delta and what she and like and what she's bringing. The thing is, it's Eurovision. It is absolutely littered with attractive, tall, blonde women who can like play a musical instrument. She doesn't even get her tits out. Get your titties out for your country, bitch! But I'm a little bit of that.

SPEAKER_01 17:23

I agree that she needs to do something different to stand out. And I think, you know, having the piano isn't different. Adding the the dance element isn't different because every second artist now does that. But chucking in that bit on the piano where it's kind of almost opera classical. Classical, I think kind of mixing it up, trying to like Lindsay Sterling mix up different genres. I reckon it'll be top ten.

SPEAKER_02 17:48

Uh-huh. And Liz, what's your thoughts and opinions of this?

SPEAKER_00 17:55

What a c I don't. You know what? I don't I I think it's gonna be another year. I don't think we're even gonna make the grand final because frankly, there's a lot of other long, fake haired people gonna be doing the same old kind of song. But you know what? At least they're gonna get their titties out. And titties bat up!

SPEAKER_02 18:17

They do. I am disappointed she's not getting it.

SPEAKER_00 18:19

It's Eurovision. I want I want everything out. I want your titties, your cha-cha, your chocho. Get them all out.

SPEAKER_02 18:24

I mean, yeah, I don't know about that. But yeah, I'm a little bit sad that she's like completely covered up. Like, at least get your titties out.

SPEAKER_00 18:31

Something! Just there. Or uh that's why she's wearing like the dress that we can't see anything, because it will reveal the praying mantis, as you said, living inside her skin.

SPEAKER_01 18:45

But you're saying get your titties out. Does she have titties?

SPEAKER_00 18:47

I mean, not a lot, but on principle, all right, stack and rack them. Get some tape in there, get some padding, do something. Even get a drag queen prosthetic titty.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

Anything. That w that could be her gimmick, her schmick, whatever makes her stand out.

SPEAKER_00 19:05

There is a she's a that she's the chairman of the itty bitty titty committee.

SPEAKER_01 19:10

No, there is a drag queen called Delta Goodrim. She could pull, she could pull Gulta Delta Goodrim out on stage with her. That could be her shtick. Make her stand up.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

You mean as if she rips back like the completely floor-leg drag like Delta Goodrim is under there?

SPEAKER_01 19:26

She could turn around to go and play the piano and the drag queen Delta Goodrim is there playing the piano for her. I mean, or something, something like that. Yeah. Bit of fun.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:35

Oh, look, I mean you don't sound convinced, you say yeah. I just think Well, you're not saying cunt, so it's always a good take.

SPEAKER_00 19:42

Yeah, thank you. With 18 different wars, you know, in active happening on the planet. I think this is the last thing we needed to do to the planet while it was down. Like, I am so sorry, you're please don't kick us out of Eurovision. That's all I can say. No, no, I reckon it will. No. No. No. No. You reckon, Sam.

SPEAKER_01 20:11

I reckon. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

I mean, don't get me wrong, like her manager is gonna be at home, like dialing her number 10 times. The rest of the world, not so much.

SPEAKER_02 20:20

No, it's a cat, it's catchy. It's catchy.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

She's getting 12 points from the UK.

SPEAKER_00 20:23

Yeah, well, that's not saying a lot. It's only 12 points. Yeah, oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 20:29

It's 12 points more than the UK got in previous years.

Predictions And Bunker Goodbye

SPEAKER_00 20:33

I mean too. Oh, all right. So we are, you think, sending the catchy equivalent of COVID to Eurovision 2026. We have two votes to one saying she's going through versus she's not going through. What do I get when I when I win? I mean, obviously not Eurovision, and we just get public shame, but it's before or after we get cancelled. Oh, we're so getting cancelled. All right, you know, fuck you, Delta, you're a talk too much about Delta Goodrink.

SPEAKER_02 21:06

Yep. Did you fart?

SPEAKER_00 21:10

Yeah, sorry, it came out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:12

I was like trying not to laugh. And I'm like, I heard that.