Why We Need More Real Intimate Interactions and Sexual Tension AAA Podcast E28

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I was listening to Professor Scott Galloway talk about men, suicide, sexuality, and taking risks on the Diary of a CEO podcast (DOAC) with Steven Bartlett the other day...

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AAA Podcast E28 subtitles english

What do you call a guy with a huge rack who

plays the bass

seriously though.

Welcome to the Authentic Action podcast,

Angel's Authentic Action Podcast.

I'm Angel.

And today I want to talk to you about human

sexuality really.

But also uh what's going on with the

guys?

I was listening to a podcast with

Professor Galloway,

Scott Galloway,

one of the internet's favorite men to love and hate.

And it was recorded not too long ago,

I think,

and I was just listening to it a day or two ago and he was talking about

over achingly this problem of what's going on with the guys

and how that trickles through our

whole society.

So,

um just to sort of summarize and get us all on the same

page,

I think we mostly if not all agree that

women doing better,

having more equality,

all of that is great and nobody is trying to take away the

empowerment that the feminine,

that females um in general,

in the legal system.

And in our society have have expanded into in recent

human history and at the same time,

one of the consequences or backlashes

or I don't know that it's so much of a backlash,

probably a little of,

of all,

little from column,

a little from COLUMN B.

Um But one of the things that's happening now is

that in contrast to women getting more

education,

making more money,

there seems to be a real drastic decline

in men feeling worthy,

feeling like they're enough.

If uh if you look at suicide rates,

they're alarming across the board.

But if you start to really look at the

specifics,

I forget exactly what the statistic is.

But I want to say it's 6 to 1,

maybe even higher men to women that are committing suicide.

And that's in pretty much every subsection and there are

many um and that's not to try to downplay the

the traumas and strifes and struggles that women still

and you know,

that that women are still dealing with.

Um But broadly,

it is to say that as a society,

we need each other.

Men need women.

Women need men.

Again,

I'm speaking broadly,

maybe not every man and every woman,

but I think,

I think it's a,

it's arguable that,

that pretty much all of us do better with some

sort of

I'm pausing because maybe it doesn't have to be a sexual relationship.

I think at certain points of our life,

for most of us,

a sexual relationship and exploring our own

sexuality is one of the most powerful and fulfilling and

amazing parts of being a human.

But I do acknowledge that maybe that's not quite for everyone.

And so I want to be careful uh with my phrasing a

that said,

I could rephrase and say that

human sexuality is one of the most

powerful creative energies

there is in human society.

And recently,

we seem to be dampening that in both

men and in women by way of dampening,

lessening our attraction to each other and our attract

ability.

And there's a whole lot of nuances to this.

And I'm not,

I'm not at all trying to pretend like I have it all sorted out or worked out

or that or that anyone does because again,

I think it's,

I think it's relatively complex.

There's a lot of ins and outs to it maud,

let me know if you get to that reference.

But again,

over achingly as Scott

Galloway,

professor G was pointing out in this recent podcast,

I was listening to much of human

civilization.

Much of what is good,

much of what we call evolution and progress is driven by

men being sexually attracted to women and wanting to get laid

basically.

So,

um recent changes in

pornography and overconsumption of

just all sorts of overstimulation.

I like that.

Professor Galloway makes the point that it's not necessarily any one thing that's

bad or inherently wrong in and of itself in the right

amounts at the right time.

It's the overabundance of things in the wrong

amounts at the wrong time.

Pornography being a great example.

Which can really destroy our attraction and attract ability

towards one another.

So,

um I think that's true of most substances

and things that we can eat and consume and forms of entertainment.

None of it is inherently bad in,

in that we should ban it across the board.

It is much of it is

worthy of a pause of contemplating

how much and at what times and how do we put

boundaries in place for ourselves so that we keep ourselves healthy and so

that we keep our relationships healthy and moving forward in a

little pinky finger asterisk tangent as I like to call

it in order to keep our relationships moving forward in a healthy way,

it should go without saying,

but I'm going to say it anyway that we need to have relationships with

ourselves and ourselves in total

being healthy.

Um Not,

you know,

100% healthy all the time.

That's not what I'm getting at.

It's not like we can't have love when we're sick and dying.

Even.

It's that overarching.

Most of the time,

most of us need to be healthy and happy in order to over achingly

build a mostly healthy and happy society.

That's what I'm trying to say.

Feel what I'm putting down.

I don't know if that's uh if that's coming out quite

clearly,

but it's pretty clear in my head.

So I'm hoping that it is,

yeah,

attraction,

that magnetic attraction that is sexual energy is the stuff that

actually creates civilization.

It creates actual new human beings.

And recently,

my son,

in fact,

just last night,

my son told me that he is moving in with his girlfriend and it's

the first serious girlfriend that he's told me about.

He's 29.

He's a what they might call a textbook late bloomer.

And I'm so proud of him.

He has just got a much calmer,

clear way of doing things than I have.

And,

um,

and so in that regard,

he's waited,

he's found a partner that he really thinks is,

is of the caliber that he could create a family with.

And now he's moving forward with those next steps to see how that unfolds.

And that's certainly not how I did it.

I was more of the,

uh,

trauma induced trauma inducing

flying by the seat of your pants,

inebriated much of the time,

uh making bad choices kind of camp.

And,

and that leads me to something,

one of my favorite things that,

that Scott Galloway talks about is that he encourages young

people to make more bad decisions to go out and engage in risky

behavior.

And I have to say,

I agree with that,

even though like,

even though what I was just saying about being proud of my son for taking more of his

time,

I was starting to worry and this is the point I'm getting at,

I was starting to worry because he hadn't had a girlfriend that he told me about now,

he's told me that he had at least one other girlfriend,

um,

before this one,

which I'm grateful for.

But,

but honestly,

I am frequently grateful for the many,

many,

many bad decisions that I made when I was younger.

And heck,

I'm still grateful for the times when I have the energy to make an occasional

bad decision.

Still,

I'll,

I'll say it.

I'm looking over here at something.

Um You know,

I think that Professor Gee has a really great point,

which is that the majority of human progress

kind of happens by

I'm hesitant because,

because that's not,

he didn't say this.

I'm saying this and maybe it's not the majority.

So let me rephrase a lot of human progress,

including probably a majority of us,

human individuals,

actual individual,

humans,

like our physical bodies have come about due to

uh combinations of risky behavior and bad decisions,

largely driven by sexual attraction.

Um And again,

I feel like I'm not really giving this topic doing it justice.

So probably it's a topic that we should,

that we should discuss more often and more in depth and with more of

us,

and I have heard other people having this conversation and I'm grateful for it.

And part of why I wanted to talk about it on the Authentic Action

podcast is because it is an important topic.

I feel like I feel like our sexual energy is largely being

squandered and dampened down and

my son telling me that he's moving in with his girlfriend has,

has created such a sense of relief about something that I didn't even know I was so

worried about.

And such a profound reminder of how that's

really the most important stuff that we,

that we learn how to have relationships with each other.

Those dynamic,

messy,

beautiful,

wonderful,

usually sexually driven.

Not again,

not all of them,

not all the time,

but at least at the beginning and at least the majority of them are

often sparked by that sexual attraction.

And I think it's important to acknowledge and important to

think about not letting it

slip away so easily and certainly not just

repressing it and suppressing it and dampening it down.

Um So much in so many ways,

I do trust that nature will prevail and that uh

sexual reproduction has itself figured out pretty well.

So I think I probably am worried for nothing and um

just as my son helped me,

remember when he,

when he told me this great news that he's moving in with his girlfriend.

Um,

yeah,

nature has a way of,

of figuring that out and sexual attraction with its pheromones and its

hormones and its,

its biological clock ticking.

Um does have its wonderful way.

But the thing is you got to get outside,

you got to get somewhere where you can be in physical proximity together.

And I'm so grateful that my son met his girlfriend at a game.

He's a gamer but he goes to physical tournaments and they met at a

tournament,

um,

and they go to tournaments now and that's a beautiful,

wonderful thing and they can sit and play together and go travel together

and then meanwhile discover things like yoga and raising chickens and

with a little luck perhaps raising baby humans pretty soon.

It's so exciting.

I,

um,

yeah,

I think love is a beautiful thing.

Human sexuality is a beautiful thing and a very,

very,

very powerful thing.

And so,

yeah,

I want us to remember that and another

thing I want to talk about related to that is our human imperfection in all

of this.

But before I get into that,

I want to pause and remind you to check out our sponsors,

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interactions,

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Thanks for checking out our sponsors and now back to our

regular program back to the show

as Gary V would like to say,

I want to talk about something that Esther Esther Perel

talks about.

Often.

She's my favorite.

A mar is she a marriage counselor?

I think she is psychotherapist.

Anyhow,

she talks about relationships a lot and she has a best seller.

You may have heard of called Mating in Captivity.

And she talks a lot about infidelity and the struggles of

monogamous partnership and,

and poly amorous partnership.

Just those struggles of intimate partnerships and

marriages and how natural it

is to struggle,

how natural it is for us to run up

into trouble into problems when we're dealing with our

sexuality,

when we're dealing with our partners,

when we're dealing with our partners,

sexuality.

And I wanted to bring this up as I'm bringing up the idea of

male suicide and male sexuality being dampened and female

sexuality being dampened and sort of left out in the cold

due to this whole equation and the way it all fits together or doesn't fit

together as the case may be and I think it's important to keep in

mind that it take some work to have relationships that

anyone who's ever had a really

admirable relationship that you might look at and go like,

oh,

I wish I had that.

If you ask them,

they will tell you.

It's taken some work.

There's been some ups and downs,

there's,

um,

things to figure out,

there's things to work out.

It takes communication,

it takes being willing to get things wrong and then apologize and try

again and get things better the next time,

just like with any worthy endeavor.

And I think human intimate relationships have the capacity to

be perhaps the most worthy endeavor that any of us

could ever hope to have.

And that being the case,

they might just be the most challenging most.

Uh yeah,

the most fraught with the

potential for suffering and strife and all the things that

we often would really rather avoid.

And which is why,

you know,

which is why loneliness is such a prevalent problem and

loops back around to why suicide is such a prevalent problem.

So many of us are feeling so disconnected and so lonely.

And that has so much to do with our

misinterpretation.

I think of what it takes to have a healthy relationship.

We have these high expectations of ourselves on each other and,

and then somehow that translates to us settling for much,

much less than we probably could or would want to

and I think we can do both better on both of those fronts.

I think we can raise the bar

when it comes to how we treat ourselves and each other.

And I think we can lower the bar when it comes to

the level of perfection that we're expecting from ourselves and each other.

And a lot of that means that we're going to have to get better at

apologizing,

I think,

and get better at self reflecting and looking at where

we,

where we owe each other an apology or ourselves an apology.

Sometimes I had to do some of that myself recently.

Um Yeah,

you know,

a big,

a big clue that you're starting to work through some of your own BS is I think

when you start to see the obvious irony in

those internal accusations,

if you're anything like me,

maybe you have an internal narrator that

tells what I like to call shit stories.

Sometimes mine pretty regularly and uh

and left unguarded,

left undisciplined that shit storyteller will tell shitty stories about how

me and everyone else around me is a shitty person and

we don't deserve better.

We deserve all the bad that we're getting.

And um we bring the bad things on ourselves and

a it's just been getting,

you know,

there's a myriad of shitty stories,

I'm sure you've,

I'm sure you've heard them all.

I,

I'm willing to bet that you're probably,

you've probably told yourself at least most of the same ones I've told

myself,

if not all of them,

because I've talked to enough people in this,

in this life so far to know that that's sort

of a default situation in the human

mind,

especially given our current state of programming.

But perhaps even without that programming,

you can look back at,

at old documents and see that the human mind has been struggling with

similar,

you know,

similar

tensions between our ego desires,

our egoic desires,

our brain chatter,

our logical side and our

in our broader scope,

like what you might call your higher self,

that self,

which is part of life on a grander scale and

cares more about legacy and,

and,

and the future that we're leaving our Children and the systems that we're building for,

for our children's children's children's Children

and all those beautiful things.

I'm looking at the time over there again.

Um Yeah,

I guess I should start wrapping this up and not that there's any

hurry.

And I think that's an important little pinky finger asterisk to throw in

while I'm thinking of it is that there isn't any hurry that it's important

to take your time.

And at the and at the same time,

it's important to get started.

Don't just wait,

don't just stall.

Don't just be stagnant.

Start ask somebody out

work,

start working out and proving yourself if you're lonely,

join a group,

find an interest.

If you don't have an interest just try something and then decide if you

hate it or you like it and move on from there.

It's really about just taking action,

which is,

which is what the authentic action podcast and the authentic Action

Academy is really here to

promote and hopefully instill more of in you.

Is this idea that the master fails more

times than the beginner or the novice has even tried.

So you need to not be afraid of failure.

And in fact,

I would,

I would do you one better and say you need to embrace failure.

You need to look for failure,

not for failure's sake necessarily.

Although sometimes that might be a good way.

There's,

it's been a great many people who've developed confidence in sales and in dating by

just looking for the no,

they call it.

And that can be a great strategy because every no is you

learn something with every no,

especially if you're not emotionally attached to it,

you're not attaching yourself worth to it.

You're just going out there and trying it out and you're going to learn something.

You're either gonna,

you're either gonna have a success.

Triple,

ding,

ding,

ding,

ding of success,

or you're going to have a failure.

Ding,

ding,

ding,

you failed and you learn something and either way that's success in the long run.

Because even if you,

you know,

if you just ding ding ding of success in the long run,

if that's all you do it really doesn't help us progress.

You don't learn anything,

you don't evolve,

you don't get to anything new.

You don't get to the good stuff.

And I think that is really what Scott Galloway was talking about or is

talking about.

I've heard him talk about it more than once when he's talking about getting out there and taking

some,

some risks and engaging in,

you know,

potentially regrettable behavior,

especially when you're young and you have a better chance of surviving it.

I often have have said that I am so grateful that I

did so many risky things when I was younger because there are so many of them

that I wouldn't survive at this stage of the game.

Um And that's just,

that's just a fact because I did a pretty good job,

I'll pat myself on the back of engaging in risky behavior,

uh,

potentially catastrophic behavior,

even which I don't necessarily recommend.

But I do a test that those are the

experiences that I got the most out of.

It's like the level of

potential catastrophe

does seem to correlate sometimes with the level of potential,

just potential full stop.

I suppose the potential for growth,

the potential for learning the potential for epiphany.

And you know,

that said,

I think many of us have had

some sexual relationships that we might look back on as

not wise or not necessarily healthy.

And at the same time,

part of our unfolding,

part of our evolutionary process.

Hopefully,

that brings us closer to being healthy and happy and sane

enough to have those healthy happy partnerships where we can raise a

family together.

I did want to,

I did want to mention in this ramble that I really,

I think that while a single parent can raise a

child,

I was a single mother.

I'm a second generation,

single parent.

My mother had me out of wedlock and I had my son out of wedlock.

And I really think people should

partner up and get married if possible before they have kids.

And that's a strange thing to hear myself say.

And,

you know,

I'm not that big on the

religious aspects of marriage.

But I think that the,

I'm hesitant but I actually think that the legalities,

the,

the formal ritualized aspects where you promise

to stay,

stay together and stick it out in front of your friends and family and you maybe

even legally obligate yourselves to each other and entangle yourselves up

in a way where it is difficult to get out of it when you would really

rather walk away.

I think there's actually value in that because it forces you to grow through those

times where you might be failing and where it might be hard and where you might

otherwise walk away.

And I think that Children,

and again,

I'm speaking broadly speaking,

there are always exceptions to every rule or every

generality.

And so I wanna,

I wanna stress that I am not trying to put any single parents down.

I,

I did the best I could as a single parent and many of my friends did and

are doing that as well.

And I,

and I give you all kudos.

If you're out there as a single parent,

I know your struggle,

I'm sending you love,

you're doing a good job.

And it's,

it's not impossible by any means to raise a healthy,

happy human being.

And part of the relief that I felt recently when my son told me he's moving in with his girlfriend

and I reflect on how he's bloomed so slowly is that I think,

oh,

you know,

generationally speaking,

we do make changes each generation,

each time each of us has choices and we can choose to

do better or we can choose to do worse.

Sometimes our choices don't quite work out the way,

you know,

we think they're going to or,

or there are many,

many factors in play that we don't know about,

we don't see.

And so things don't always work out the way

that we think they're going to based on our choices.

Um,

still,

and also I think it's very important to do our best to make

the best choices that we can.

And to keep both of those,

do those constructs in mind,

the individual,

your own life,

your own health and happiness,

your own story,

your own unique attractions and

desires.

And also the broader big story of life

itself,

of humanity at large.

And how we keep this,

this infinite game going,

how we keep propagating healthier and healthier systems of

helping how we promote

healthier relationships with ourselves,

with each other,

with our Children in our children's lives and our grandchildren's

lives so that we can,

so that this whole thing can keep going.

And even if it,

as it does,

as it will surely change and evolve and probably look

very,

very different as A I is coming into the picture.

As robots are coming into the picture,

as human sexuality continues to evolve,

as we are developing different ways of

playing with our own genetics and um

developing different goals that we,

you know,

like space travel and different kinds of longevity.

It's all fascinating.

It's all exciting and I trust that as we go through it,

if we continue to just keep giving ourselves room

to pause,

reflect,

pay attention to our desires,

pay attention to our

calm coherent knowings,

pay attention to each other as men and women,

as fathers and mothers,

as sons and daughters.

I trust that we can continue to move forward and enjoy each other.

Enjoy those sparks that happen

so delightfully.

So naturally,

I think that we're better off as individuals and as society

with partnerships with healthy relationships.

And again,

not always,

not all the time,

not,

not without like,

I also think it's important to have time apart.

I think it's important to know the pains and struggles of failure in

order to really appreciate the deliciousness of successes,

as I was saying at the beginning.

So I'm not trying to say,

should never fail.

I am saying get out there and get some on you make some bad choices.

But then think about the choices that you've made,

apologize where it's necessary and

take that chance when it comes down to it and tell her that you love her.

Tell him that you love him.

Do do the best you can to take the leap when it

presents itself.

Ride it out when you need to.

Don't forget that life is much too important to take it too seriously.

So lighten up whenever you can.

And on that note,

I will remind you one more time to check out our sponsors,

check out the description if you would like to get on my mailing list.

And um there should be a link somewhere

depending on where you are listening or watching.

I encourage you to subscribe,

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share with your friends and family.

Leave a comment.

Let me know what you're thinking.

Uh Let me know what you think I could do better,

what I'm doing.

Well,

all those things I really,

really appreciate,

I also really appreciate you for being yourself and for letting me be

me.

I'm Angel,

the artist A K A Zala,

the art Angel,

A K,

a Anti Angel.

This has been the Authentic Action podcast.

And what do you call a guy who has a

huge rack and plays the bass,

a musician?

But don't,

you're welcome.

C for now.

Yeah.

Do you?