Next Level University

#1667 - One Of The Quotes That Changed Kevin’s Life The Most

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Living in a world that values certainty, we often make decisions based on emotions rather than facts. In this episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros delve into this common human tendency, emphasizing how our pursuit of certainty can sometimes blind us to the truth. By recognizing these patterns, we can transform our mistakes into valuable lessons, paving the way for better choices based on truth and good information. This discussion is a powerful reminder to live a life guided by truth and intelligent decisions.

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For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We're here to support you in your personal development journey.

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Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(3:09) Accuracy Vs Certainty
(5:39) Reality or delusion
(10:15) Transformation will happen through...
(11:59) Confront Ego, validate
(15:26) The scientific method
(22:02) Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/f1FWAQA

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your will. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, Episode number 1,666,. Social media is taking us off the rails. Indeed, it is Today for episode number 1,667, one of the quotes that changed my life the most. Alan is a bit of a book buff, he likes his books.

Speaker 2

I was like where are you going with that man? Kevin and I are in very giggly moods. Just an FYI yeah, marijuana is one hell of a drug.

Speaker 1

You know what I mean Totally kidding, totally kidding, kidding, kidding. No, no, there was a truck, a landscaping truck, outside of alan's window and I'm gonna tell it because I gotta tell it, and we recorded a jet engine, yeah it was very loud.

Speaker 1

We recorded like 14 minutes of an episode and we just had a laughing spree and then alan forgot what episode it was and I had very little value to add. So we canned the episode and and we're gonna make sure this episode is of value, of course, and we're off to a strong start with that so far so good, that other one, you know it was brutal.

Speaker 2

It's gone forever it might have been.

Speaker 1

It probably would have been the funniest episode of ours you've ever listened to, but I, that would have been it. I don't know if there would have been shining endorsements at the end of it. Okay, so alan found Alan found a book called Same as Ever by Morgan Housel, correct. And he said hey, man, read this now. But nicely, because when he comes across a book that he thinks will be valuable for me, he sends it over and says hey, man, I suggest you read this. I think it would be valuable for you and Alan has permission to do that for me based on our relationship. So I said awesome, let me download this. Bad, larry, and it's very hard to explain. It's. The book was like addictive, it's I don't know how to explain it. It was one of those books where you learn a lot about the past and helps you understand more about the future. And it was just. It was very powerful.

Speaker 1

But the quote that really, really stuck with me, that genuinely, I'm not exaggerating. If we interviewed Morgan Housel, I would say this, this exaggerating. If we interviewed Morgan Housel, I would say this this quote definitely changed my life in many ways, the quote, and so much so that I cannot remember it word for word, but the quote was something along the lines of many human beings are more interested in certainty than accuracy, and all that really means is so a really good example would be some sort of wild nutrition claim that you see online. That is just not true at all, but it gives you certainty. Oh, that's why I keep gaining weight because I've been drinking Diet Coke. Oh, interesting, that's not most likely accurate, but it brings you certainty. So obviously humans, myself included I am super focused on certainty. I am someone who likes certainty a lot.

Speaker 1

Your number one need.

Speaker 2

It's my number one need.

Speaker 1

So you chose an interesting profession, then yeah, I would say so being an entrepreneur, but certainty at the expense of accuracy is a really, really dangerous place to live, so I want to do an episode on that.

Speaker 2

Well, it gives you short-term comfort at the expense of accurate data. I love the analogy of the GPS In one of my blogs I talked about. Imagine you get in your car and you're trying to drive somewhere, but you have, and a GPS needs three things I've talked about. Imagine you get in your car and you're trying to drive somewhere, but you have, and a GPS needs three things. I've talked about this before. It needs an accurate destination address. So let's say I'm driving to Kevin's place but I have the wrong destination address. Okay, so that means I have the wrong goal. Number two I have the wrong current address. Let's say I have my address wrong, so I type in his address wrong, I type in my address wrong, I type in my address wrong and on top of that it hasn't updated. So not only do I have a bad connection, but I don't have accurate data about the lakes, the terrain, the roads, the, the detours. What are the chances I'm gonna get to kevin's place?

Speaker 1

sorry the sound. I heard the sound again and it triggered me of the oh yeah laughs yeah, we've got speaking.

Speaker 2

Speaking of that, we we have a lot going on in the background here, so we're powering through of course, this is marathon monday we got this we're doing it. We're showing up for the, for the listening, and so the idea here is you'd much rather grab onto certainty that you're going to get somewhere, rather than grabbing accurate data go ahead.

Speaker 1

No, no, I okay, go ahead. No, no. I just In the last episode we were recording, alan forgot what the episode was and I thought you did again because you were stalling and I just couldn't hold it. No.

Speaker 2

I'm just having a hard time. You assume I forget when in reality I'm having a hard time because all I can hear is a jet engine out my window.

Speaker 1

My eyes are crying.

Speaker 2

I want to read something okay.

Speaker 1

Please and for the listeners.

Speaker 2

This is going to be a funnier episode. I promise the value. Here we go. This is going to be extremely long. It won't be that long. It won't be that long. Okay, this is something that I give to my clients. I just got two new clients. I read this to my clients, okay, so I'm gonna read it to all my listeners, all my listeners, all our listeners, and I really think it will be good I do. All right, here we go. The red pill or the blue pill? All right, this is gonna be brutal. Here we go.

Speaker 2

In the classic science fiction film, the matrix, when neo, played by kiata reeves, meets morpheus, the hero hacker played by lawrence fishburne, neo asks morpheus to tell him what the matrix is. Morpheus, the hero hacker, played by Lawrence Fishburne. Neo asks Morpheus to tell him what the Matrix is. Morpheus offers to show Neo, giving him the choice between taking a blue pill and a red pill. You take the blue pill and the story ends.

Speaker 2

You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill. You stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. As Neo reaches toward a pill, morpheus reminds him remember, all I am offering is the truth, nothing more. Neo chooses to see the world as it really is. He takes the red pill and is pounded with a series of devastating truths. His comfortable world is a dream created by machines to enslave him as an energy source. His job and lifestyle, his clothes, his appearance and the entire fabric of his life are an illusion implanted in his brain. In the actual world, taking the red pill causes his body to be unplugged from his feeding pod flushed. I just know Kevin's never seen the movies.

Speaker 1

I have Fascinating no, no, I've seen, yes, I've seen one of them.

Speaker 2

Okay, nice, the first one, the first one, nice. Okay, good, good, good, good. So his job and his lifestyle, his clothes, his appearance and the entire fabric of his life are an illusion implanted in his brain In the actual world. Taking the red pill causes his body to be unplugged from his feeding pod, flushed into a sewer and picked up by Morpheus's pirate ship, the Nebuchadnezzar. As rebels against the machines, morpheus and his crew, and now Neo, due to his choice, live in cramped quarters, sleep in uncomfortable cells, eat gruel and wear rags. Machines are out to destroy them. The trade-off is that Neo sees the world as it actually is and in the end, gets to defeat the machines that have enslaved humanity.

Speaker 2

In the movie, the Matrix was built to be a more comfortable version of the world. Our brains likewise have evolved to make our version of the world more comfortable, aka our beliefs are nearly always correct. Favorable outcomes are the result of our skill. There are plausible reasons why unfavorable outcomes are beyond our control and we compare favorably with our peers, we deny, or at least dilute, the most painful parts of the message. Giving that up is not the easiest choice. Living in the matrix is comfortable. So is the natural way we process information to protect our self-image in the moment. By choosing to exit the matrix, we are asserting that striving for a more objective representation of the world, even if it is uncomfortable at times, will make us happier and more successful in the long run. But it's a trade-off that isn't for everyone. It must be freely chosen to be productive and sustainable. Morpheus didn't just go around ripping people out of the matrix against their will. He asked Neo to make the choice and exit the matrix with him. If against their will, he asked Neo to make the choice and exit the matrix with him.

Speaker 2

If you have gotten this far in this book, I'm guessing that you are choosing the red pill over the blue pill. I always provide that to my clients because that's really what I'm asking. I'm saying I can't promise you any quick results. I can't promise you a ton of certainty, but what I can promise you is you will think more accurately about yourself, about other people and about the world. I'm going to share with you the truth. All I'm offering is the truth, Even this podcast, if you are. If I were to ask every listener, please share this podcast with someone you know, your brain immediately filters through all the people that wouldn't like it. There's a lot of people who wouldn't like this podcast and the reason why is because they don't want the truth.

Speaker 2

Kev, yes, the truth hurts sometimes.

Speaker 2

Most of the time, if you've been smoking cigarettes for 15 years and that's been hurting your lungs and potentially going to kill you, and that's been hurting your lungs and potentially going to kill you, it's very hard for someone to come up to you and say your bad habit and your choice to smoke might have killed you.

Speaker 2

But if I actually say that and it really does get through assuming I build a relationship say it in a way that's kind but truthful you might actually change. I remember when I was 12 years old, I printed out a report it was a scientific research paper that talked about how cigarettes will kill you and my mom quit smoking after that. But that was a big argument and I might have saved my mom's life. She's 63 now and if she didn't quit smoking, you never know. But the truth is, cigarettes kill you. Whether or not you want to face that truth is your choice, and this podcast, every single episode we do, is to help you improve your health, wealth, life and love, and the only way we can help you improve is to get you to face the hard reality Like you know what, maybe I am a little overweight.

Speaker 2

You know what? Maybe I am smoking too much and too often. You know what? Maybe I am a little overweight. You know what? Maybe I am smoking too much and too often. You know what? Maybe I'm not smart enough. Yet you know what? Maybe I am scared to lose my friends. You know what? Maybe I am afraid to fail. You know what? Maybe I'm afraid to succeed. You know what? Maybe I do need to work a little bit harder. Maybe I do need to get a little smarter. From the moment I met you, kev not the moment I met you, because we knew each other in middle school from the moment we got together on this journey, you and I have been facing the hardest realities and helping others do the same, and that's the only way transformation really happens. You don't transform through delusion. You transform through facing the uncomfortable truth. And, unfortunately, if I say there's three quick, easy steps to make a million dollars, that creates a lot more certainty than hey.

Speaker 1

you might end up broke one day if you don't start tracking your finance one of our clients did a social media post recently and it was something along the lines of it was like three things you need to know as a business owner or an entrepreneur, and the first one was there's no work-life balance. For like the first five years, like in the beginning, it's just mayhem. You just kind of got to do whatever it takes to keep the boat afloat and you never know when there's going to be a leak. You know when you're on a boat. You don't get to decide well, it's 6 o'clock, we're good, we'll just drift off to sleep. Sometimes the boat's going to leak at 6 o'clock and you've got to do what it takes.

Speaker 1

Some people might hear that and say, well, that's super hardcore, and maybe that does sound hardcore. But I would say on the other end there's people out there that probably tell you oh, you can do whatever you want and your business will grow. And I would say that's the opposite of hardcore. Whatever that is, that's probably hardcore. On the other end, like hardcore, irresponsible to give somebody that advice. But I understand why, because this is kind of the potential issue with it. If you're looking for certainty, you'll take whatever you get that is in alignment with what you want to believe so you'll. If somebody comes to you and says, hey, I can teach you how to start a business and you'll be financially free in six months, that's a very dangerous thing because if that's the certainty you're looking for, you're not really worried about whether it's accurate or not.

Speaker 1

And I've had I've had stuff like that Not not particularly that, but a lot of the decisions I made when I was younger were based on I won't say it was certainty versus accuracy, but it was lack of accuracy. A lot of it was. It was one of the things I used to do very often and I still have a habit of doing this, I would say is I would make financial decisions based on where I expect to be in five years, not where I am today. It was the certain, the expected certainty of well, eventually it's not. I mean, if I buy a car today, in five years I'll be able to afford it easily, so it's not that big of a deal. But that was just lack of accuracy.

Speaker 2

Well, in reality, underneath that is you wanted. You would rather delude yourself into thinking that buying that car was a good idea than to face the reality that it wasn't why? Because you want the car. What's underneath that? Well, you want status. What's underneath that? Well, you want to be significant.

Speaker 1

Well and. I value cars so that's like I would rather put that money into a car than maybe something else somebody else would, or?

Speaker 1

whatever, whatever it is, or that's the other thing too. When I was younger and I started getting tattoos, I remember people. There was some people in my life who would say, like, oh, that's a bad decision, that's a mistake, you're going to regret that later. And I think oftentimes what ego is is ego is our way to find certainty, like, no, I don't care, even if I don't get the job, I don't care, when in reality, I don't know if that was true or not.

Speaker 2

Yeah, talk to us Talk to me Like what's your truth now? You're more mature now.

Speaker 1

Now I don't care. Taryn and I went to lunch with her aunt and uncle and one of her cousins and I said my next tattoo is going to be a hand tattoo of the cats. I said I'm not. If I'm out looking for a job, something has gone horribly wrong. I don't anticipate that ever happening, so I'm not worried about it. Right, I'm, I'm the boss of myself and I can get a tattoo if I want.

Speaker 2

Well, this goes back to the I don't care what people think. The truth is probably okay. I do care what people think, but I'm pretending that I don't because I still want to do what I want to do yeah, Versus being vulnerable and honest and humble is saying I do care what people think and that's going to affect me and maybe I'll be less likely to get a certain job, but I still want to do this anyway. You see how much more mature that is Well that's accurate.

Speaker 2

Yeah, that's much more accurate Versus oh, you know, I don't care at all if I don't get a good job. It's like that's crap. Yeah, everybody wants to get a good job. Yeah, right, one of them is much more layered, and that's what our ego is. Our ego literally protects us from the truth, and some people say, oh well, I don't have an ego. That means your ego is deluding you into thinking you don't. Yeah, and that's like a whole other thing, what is?

Speaker 2

the ego. It's what you think you are versus what you really are.

Speaker 1

Another good thought for this. Again, you probably wouldn't do this because this isn't the way your brain works. But if you've ever had an illness like I, get this weird pain in my whatever my liver, my chest, and you go on WebMD and you Google it or you look on WebMD, usually it's like you're dying, you could be dying. There's there's like the running jokes online of when you google sore ankle on web md, it's you're basically dead. So you should probably you should probably get the will going.

Speaker 1

What's happening with that is you're getting some level of certainty. It might not be the accurate truth and that's that's why it's funny to make a meme about it, because we're getting certainty that isn't real. It's most likely not real and that's why we have doctors and hopefully, where you live in the world healthcare, but that's a really good example of it. That's why being online is so dangerous. That's why having a podcast is so dangerous, because just because somebody is saying something that confirms what you want to hear doesn't mean it's true. Yeah, it might not be. For a long time, we were convinced that excuse me that setting massive goals was that was everything. Set the biggest goals possible and then spend the next 60 years of your life accomplishing them. For some people, that is probably the accurate truth that they want and need to hear. For other people, it's not. It's just not accurate for everyone.

Speaker 2

Yeah, it's only good for people who have ridiculously high sample. Yeah, yeah, which isn't.

Speaker 2

I don't know what percentage of the population it is but One of the hardest things for me is, I think, in terms of bell curves, so I always think in terms of a sample set, a statistical sample set. So, for example, what's a good example of this? Okay, so, so a very small percentage. I remember I read this only 10 of college graduates ever read another book after college and that's that's not, that's non-fiction. So most readers who read read fiction books. Of the non-fiction books meaning truthful books, honest books, not made up books, and again, nothing against fiction books. I love harry potter too, so that's not lord of the rings, harry pot, all that stuff. There's value in fiction as well. But I read this once only 10% of adults after college ever read another nonfiction book and only 10% of those people ever finish the get through the first chapter. And so it's a small percentage of a small percentage, of a small percentage. And I remember I was with one of my mentors and the average CEO in the US the stat shows that reads 52 books a year. And I remember when I was talking to him he said oh, I'm a walking statistic, I read 52 books a year. I read a book a week. And I remember thinking to myself okay, that makes perfect sense. And then there's the whole readers are leaders and that kind of thing. You want to know why I recommended that same as ever book by Morgan Household of thing. You want to know why I recommended that same as ever book by Morgan Household? I watched.

Speaker 2

I was on Next Level Nation yesterday or Facebook and I heard two people in our community shout out to Jerrianne, and I forget who the other one was. I'm sorry if you're listening and I forgot which person it was, but Jerrianne was one of them and someone else. That said book club changed my life, particularly the the courage to be disliked. That book changed their life. The reason why that book changed their life is because it's a very. It forces you to confront the difficult realities of life. It's called the courage to be disliked. Look at the implications in that number one. You're afraid to be disliked. Being disliked takes courage and if you're willing to have the courage to be disliked, then you can achieve your goals and dreams Like. Think about how attacky of a book that is. Yeah, it's such a struggle. The same as ever by Morgan Housel.

Speaker 2

That book is very accurate. Whenever I recommend a book to Kev, I'm always or Emilia or whoever I always say you want to know what I love about this book. It's very honest. It's a very honest book. There are a lot of books out there that are very dishonest. In other words, they're just wildly inaccurate.

Speaker 2

And it's like how do you know, alan, the scientific method? You, kevin and I know how to create a podcast better than we used to because we've done it longer. Every, every inaccurate piece of data we've ever had about how to grow a self-improvement podcast. We, we have faced the hard realities over time. That's why you have to be really careful with someone who's been doing something for only a year, because they just don't know that much. That's why doctors go to school for 12 years. That's why you don't get your black belt in two days. You know what I mean, because you need to face the hard truths of reality.

Speaker 2

That whole saying of get humble, stay humble or be humbled that's what that means. It means listen. If you think it's safe to drive drunk, go do it. See how that goes. It's a terrible idea. The statistics show that it's a terrible idea. It's arrogant to think that it's not. Oh well, I'm different. Okay Well, you also might get killed. You might kill someone else.

Speaker 2

So again, I know, I'm very, very I am, I'm very committed to accuracy and usually we talked about this in the last episode. I think we didn't end up airing it, but I don't know if it was the last episode or the episode that actually did get aired. The most attractive information is usually not accurate. I think that was the draft episode that we said that. I think, yeah, that was the one that didn't see. I think so, yeah, yeah, it's like the extremes. Yeah, the extremes do really well. Yeah, exactly, oh, believe in yourself, no matter what. You can achieve anything. You set your mind to Think about how extreme that is Seriously, yeah, yeah, you set your mind to Think about how extreme that is Seriously.

Speaker 1

Yeah, yeah, like really think about that, but it feels really good. You can achieve anything you set your mind to.

Speaker 2

Yeah, it feels really good, it feels good but it's not accurate.

Speaker 1

But I think it's an easy certainty to get attached to Exactly.

Speaker 2

But if you jump off a cliff hoping you can sprout wings and start flying. Flying, yeah, you're in trouble, and that's what I want to talk to you about, kev, because, dude, behind the scenes, you are so in the front of the scenes too, but behind the scenes you're very, very. This is something. I don't know if you know how rare this is, but you're very honest about reality. You don't like. This is a thing you don't kid yourself about much. I don't know if you understand how rare that is, you like no, I, I, I have.

Speaker 1

I call myself a realist. I've said that for a long time. You used to say I was pessimistic and I said I don't think I'm pessimistic, I think I'm realistic, I, I've always. I was overly optimistic. I've always thought.

Speaker 2

Of course I thought you were pessimistic. I I appreciate it.

Speaker 1

I don't know I don't know what it means, necessarily, but I appreciate it can share.

Speaker 2

Why are you so realistic, like what's the benefit to that? Because, dude, there's no. Okay, you've got pessimistic, you've got optimistic and then you've got the center. The center is realistic.

Speaker 1

I don't think there's any benefit in hiding from the truth. I just don't why. Because you're only hurting yourself, really, you're only hurting yourself, really, you're only hurting yourself. Nobody really cares about my truth. Really, nobody could, possibly or should care as much about my truth as I do. If that was the case, then I don't know. I think it would just be a very empty place to live. If I didn't care about my truth or the, then I don't know. I think it would just be a very empty place to live. If I didn't care about my truth or the truth, I don't know. I don't know if I have a good example.

Speaker 2

I care about my Even. That is rare to admit. You just admit it and no one cares about my truth.

Speaker 1

That's very hard for people to admit. I don't think anybody should. I used to. I used to be so lonely I would do anything for a text back. I remember getting ghosted by all the girls I wanted to date. I remember that. I remember how hard that was. And now it's like I don't know, it makes sense. It makes sense. I was a needy man who didn't really have that much value to give. I probably wasn't a great partner. It's like all right, cool, that makes sense. I don't know. I don't think I'm that important. I don't think anybody needs to spend time on me. I don't know. I think I'd rather just be honest than let down.

Speaker 1

I think that's a piece of it for me. I spent a lot of time really wishing people that I cared about deeply would grow a ton.

Speaker 1

I was like ah, they're going to come with me. That's why, from the beginning of you and I working together, I would say, alan, that person's not coming. I'm sorry, brother, but I'm telling you, I've experienced this long enough that person's not coming. The reason I knew that is because I had the same thing that I experienced and I wanted people to come with me. And eventually it got to the point where I said, if I'm being honest, it's not going to happen. The odds of it happening are so low. It's not going to happen. The odds of it happening are so low. It's just not worth it. It's just not worth it, and that's kind of how I think about it. Like, if there's a 1% chance of rain, are you packing an umbrella? Probably not. No, no, I'll take my chances. It's not going to rain. It doesn't rain when it says it's 1%. That's why truth matters.

Speaker 1

I know you can make a good decision. Well, that is the baseline answer I would give you. But I just think that for me and I'm not perfect at this I have things, trust me, I have things when it comes to this. But you're only kidding yourself if you live in any delusion and it's hurting you. It's not hurting you right now. We've done the episode the easy choice and the right choice. We've done that episode many times. That's something I used to say all the time. The easy choice makes you feel really good in the moment, but it comes back and bites you on the ass eventually. The right choice is the one that might suck in the moment, but you'll thank yourself for it in the future. I don't know when. It might not be for a year, it might not be for five years, it might not be for 10 years, I don't know.

Speaker 2

I don't know. Well, at one point, I know we got to jump soon. You were pretending to be confident when you weren't. You were pretending to be fulfilled when you weren't. You were pretending to be successful when you were, but but not really a ton in terms of long-term future stuff. And then you just you and I I got in a car accident. You had suicidal ideation. We, we just got honest with ourselves. We got really honest with ourselves. I stopped pretending after that. There was no more pretending after that. Mortality it was. It was like listen, if you're unfulfilled, accept that and then build from there.

Speaker 1

Well, I think it's because it reveals how uncertain everything kind of is. Like what are the odds that you get into a car accident and die at 26? Like what are the odds of that? Probably pretty low all things considered, but like it almost happened, Maybe higher than we want it to be. That probably pretty low all things considered, but like it had it almost happened, maybe higher than higher than we want it to be.

Speaker 2

But like 40, so at the time it was 42 000 people a year die in motor vehicle accidents in in this country, so 300 million people at the time.

Speaker 1

I I like looked up the stats but that's also why?

Speaker 2

because I want the truth, that's why I love math kev, that makes sense I love statistics just because it's it's the only way to look at the truth like you. Why I love math, kev? That makes sense. I love statistics just because it's it's the only way to look at the truth like you can. I don't know. You can pretend skin cancer doesn't exist, but you're gonna get it if you don't wear sunblock. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, and I just think that we would rather be certain in the moment than accurate, but it's so detrimental to our long-term decision-making. And you just turned that around and I think we did too. I did too, and we're not perfect by any means but we're seeking.

Speaker 2

We took the red pill, dude.

Speaker 1

After, after oh sorry, go ahead.

Speaker 2

I didn't mean to interrupt you, no after that suicidal ideation kept for the new listeners, Kevin, in our mid-20s, we call it our quarter-life crisis. You and I decided to commit to whatever's true. If you're smart, own it. If you're not, get smarter, Own it, Own it. There's something that taking responsibility like. Even in that excerpt that I read, it's easier to believe it was outside of your control than to look at your own poor choices.

Speaker 1

Dude, I made so many bad choices. But that requires something to look at, it requires belief, it requires something I don't know what it is- that's the conundrum.

Speaker 1

It's as you get more confident on the other end, I know, but I think it's this challenging thing where you have to prove to yourself that you can handle the level of truth that you're going to get, and it starts with one thing. Whatever that one thing is One of the hardest things for me and, again, maybe trigger warning, I don't know. I know it's weird to talk about, but when I was really thinking through, like, am I addicted to porn? That was super hard for me to admit. Yeah, because it was like what is that? If I say I'm addicted to porn, then I can't watch it anymore. I'm like what if I want to watch it? Right, and what if I can't stop? And what if I can't stop? That was super challenging, but it was the am I going to be able to? Because it's not just.

Speaker 2

But the irony and the paradox is you couldn't quit until after you own it. I know, but when?

Speaker 1

you own something Because you kept after you own it, I know, but when you own something, you're not just owning the moment, you're owning the history of the thing, Imagine somebody in their 50s, Imagine somebody who had a child and they weren't great to that child.

Speaker 1

And they have that realization. They have the opportunity for that realization when they're in their 50s or 60s. It's not just oh yeah, I wasn't a great parent, it's oh, and now I can play back that time that I was at the birthday and I wasn't great, Like all of that. I think it just layers and layers and layers and layers and layers, and that's why it's so hard. And I think that's why it's harder the longer you wait, Because there's more momentum in the other direction. We did an episode on that recently too.

Speaker 2

Yeah, if it wasn't for facing mortality that was the best way I could describe it is. I just faced all the truth all at once and it was so traumatic, but it was also so transforming, and that's why I think therapy is so powerful, because that's what therapy really is. It honestly is just let's talk about what's real, let's try to figure out what's real.

Speaker 1

That's all it is.

Speaker 2

There's all the different modalities. There's internal family systems, there's cognitive behavioral therapy, there's CBT, there's DBT, there's ACT, which is acceptance and commitment therapy. There's all these different modalities of therapy. There's shame, there's guilt, there's trauma. There's little t trauma and big T trauma.

Speaker 2

But when you go through life pretending that you don't have a responsibility, it's not my fault that I had my dad die. It's not my fault that I had a stepdad leave and take his whole family with him. It's not my fault that you know all these things happened, but it is my responsibility to find a way to make all that work. I told my mom recently. I texted her. I said I don't agree with everything. In my childhood I said this directly to her and, just like you, don't agree with everything in yours, but I'm grateful for what I made of myself through all that and we had a really powerful moment. And I'm not asking anyone to be perfect. I'm not perfect.

Speaker 2

I made so many mistakes. I remember my ex-girlfriend. I texted, I DM'd her. I just said listen, I'm sorry, a lot of that didn't have anything to do with you and I just owned it and I know that there's got to be there's something to be said for that of like. I don't think I was a horrible human being. That's the irony too. It's like the people who own it usually are the ones that weren't even that bad. It's this weird paradoxical thing of I say literally you'll never hear someone own their own poor choices more than Alan Lazarus. I'm telling you, I made so many poor choices, but I don't think I made worse choices than anyone else.

Speaker 1

No.

Speaker 2

But that's the irony right. I made worse choices than anyone else. Yeah, but that's the irony right. You don't even think you're that truthful with yourself. Well, because I know.

Speaker 1

I could be more.

Speaker 2

It's like hilarious, that's, that's exactly. Yeah, that's all the reason. It's that paradox. Everything's a paradox, man. I feel so strongly about that. It's like Kevin doesn't think he's that honest with himself and that's why he's so honest with himself.

Speaker 1

I like think I made terrible choices and statistically I didn't you know what I mean, but like that's why I made good choices is because I owned that I didn't. Yeah, yeah, I don't know yeah, I know I understand.

Speaker 2

Everything feels so paradoxical. Yeah, and you and I didn't start facing the truth, the honest feedback, until after, after our mid-20s and dude, everything has transformed since, and I just hope I hope that all of our listeners Also go on that journey with us, because that's what I think, that's what NLU is really about. Underneath it all, you can transform, despite the inevitable truth that we all make poor choices. You can make better choices and when you do, you'll have a higher probability of a bigger, better, brighter future. And I'll just always talk about that, because it's just what matters, I think. I think that's how the world changes.

Speaker 1

I agree, I agree, I just know it's just challenging. I think that's the piece is. You and I were doing our pre-meeting today before we got on the mics and you said, hey, give me, give me some stuff about me. I was like what do you mean? I don't know, just give me some stuff that I need to work on. It's like okay, but that's it's rare. It's rare to be able to give that to someone. It's not a even you, even you know I was uncomfortable doing it. It's like I don't like this. I don't want to give you potentially negative feedback, but over the years and years and years of you facing truths, it just gets easier to face.

Speaker 2

Well, I need the data. How am I supposed to get better?

Speaker 1

if I don't have the data. But your ability to take the data on now is different than it was six years ago or seven years ago, of course, because there's less ego. Well, that's, it's not, oh, you're saying this about me. It's oh, you're saying this and it could be for me. And I think those are just two. But I understand somebody out there listening who might say I'm not at that place yet. I completely understand that. One of I completely. I completely understand that. They're one of the and this is going to be a longer episode. We're just going to roll with it.

Speaker 1

One of the reasons I left my personal trainer job for those who know the story, I paid $1,000 to get out of a contract that I signed that I said I would stay there for a year Is because one of the things they wanted me to do is they wanted me to give people like the truth that was not accurate. It wasn't an accurate truth. It was if you don't make different life decisions, are you really going to be around to see your grandkids? These people were not at the place where they needed that level of truth. For me, it was like you're using yeah, you're like overly using fear.

Speaker 2

Yeah, I don't want to do that to manipulate them. They're not. What if they're not ready for that?

Speaker 1

you're only. You're thinking about me selling a 36 session package. I'm thinking about what are they going to do when they go home like I'm not, I don't care about the package thing like this is. This is heavy stuff. We're saying to people here is not everybody's ready for that level of truth, and that's always been the thing is, the level of truth is dependent on the level of the relationship. It's dependent on how well you know the person.

Speaker 2

It's all way, way deeper than that and it's also dependent on where that person's at, not only in that moment emotionally, but where they're at in terms of their emotional maturity, their personal development set point. Like you and I talk about that all the time You're 34 years old, 35 years, old 34 years young son, 34 years old, 34 years young. Yeah, try again, but the level of feedback that I can give you that's constructive is much larger than when you were 14.

Speaker 1

100%.

Speaker 2

And that's the thing right. You don't guide a seven-year-old the same as you do a 12-year-old, the same as you do a 15-year-old, and it's so. That's leadership, I think, in a nutshell, is trying to figure out how to. I remember at the event Next Level Live. Last thing I'll share someone asked how do you help someone grow? And I said that's been the question. Number one lead by example. You have no ground to stand on if you're not doing it okay. Number two build a relationship that is bigger than the feedback. My relationship with you has been built over years and years and years to the point where we have a level 10 relationship. I can give you level 9 feedback, yep, but if I try to give you level 9 feedback the first time we hang out, I'm gonna hate you.

Speaker 2

You're gonna hate me when in reality, deep down, maybe there's some truth to it, but I just don't have. That's not fair. You know what I mean yeah it's not. It's not like your place. You can't just go up to a stranger and be like hey, have you considered that you might be? Blah blah, blah, blah, blah. That's not smart.

Speaker 1

You've got to build a bridge first. Yeah, it's a dangerous game.

Speaker 2

But on this podcast. That's why it's so hard. We only have a certain level of relationship. That's why I talk about my clients. I have a certain level of relationship with them and I have a certain level of relationship with them and I can share certain things that they've asked me to share. I had one client say be as hard on me as you are on yourself. And I remember thinking to myself I don't know if that's constructive and I think there's a level, for you know, you're not going to treat an NBA player the same as a Peewee basketball player, just like, if you're in mixed martial arts, you can't spar the same with a seven-year-old as you do someone who's been doing martial arts for 15 years, right, so yeah, and you will rise to the level of the truth that you can handle. I do think that's true, I do, but you have to. It's a staircase, it's not a trampoline.

Speaker 2

You can't skip 50 steps, and if you do, that's what the car accident and what the suicidal ideation it's it the whole phoenix burns down all at once and that's very traumatic. But instead of that, why not just kind of build a staircase and then just take a little bit more feedback, a little bit more feedback, a little bit more feedback, a little bit more feedback, and then eventually you just become that you. You get bigger, I think, instead of your ego getting bigger. I think you personally get bigger, better and brighter, like a transformer, I'd say. You do transform.

Speaker 1

Kevin Kahn. What are they called? Some of them, you know the Transformers Decepticons.

Speaker 2

Kevin Kahn, and then the Autobots Jeffbot. I'd be the Autobots You'd be.

Speaker 1

Jeffbot and I'll be the Autobots. You'd be JeffBot and I'll be KevinCon. Love that Perfect. Did you give a next level nugget? I'd really hate to drag it on for another 5 to 12 minutes with this next level nugget, but I'll give you the chance.

Speaker 2

We gotta do it Next level lesson is see what the next layer of truth is and if you have the courage to face that, there's transformation on the other end, if you believe in yourself and have enough self-worth to to really make change mine would be just be careful where you get your certainty, because if the certainty is not accurate, you're you're hanging on to something that doesn't really exist, like a guardrail that isn't real.

Speaker 1

It's just not going to keep you up, it's not going to hold you up, it's not going to support you. It's just not real. So I think we're all guilty of making that choice, and the less we make it, the better off we'll be. If you what's today? This is Tuesday's episode. So seven days from today, we are having our next round of group coaching. What is it? 14? Group 14? Yeah, group 14.

Speaker 1

If you have been hearing about us, talk about it for a long period of time I've been talking about it for many years at this point and you've missed out on previous ones, or you've been interested. It's a really good way to get an extra layer of truth. So group coaching is very much. Look, we're going to hold up some mirrors. They might be challenging, but you have nine other people to help support you, as well as Alan, myself and Amy, who is our assistant coach. So it's a great opportunity to learn more about yourself and learn more about health, wealth, life and love. With the discount code NLULISTENER, you can enter it at the checkout. It ends up being $96.60 per month, wildly affordable for the amount of calls you're getting, and it's getting better every time. We have a lot of people who have had really good results, so we'd love for you to join if you're interested.

Speaker 2

We have been doing that program for 200 years.

Speaker 1

This will be three and a half years, 200 years, I believe.

Speaker 2

It'll be three and a half years by the time group 14 ends. So we've been improving it and iterating on it. We've been finding the right level of truth in the right way Health, wealth, life and love. We really hope that you join us. It will be life transforming.

Speaker 1

Tomorrow for episode number 1,668, one way we overcomplicate things. I had a very simple thought recently. I thought it might make for a decent podcast episode, so we will test that theory tomorrow. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family, and we will talk to you all tomorrow. Keep it real Next Level Nation.

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host