Next Level University

#1672 - Sometimes You DO Want To Be A Big Fish In A Small Pond

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 19:17

The journey of personal development in fitness and martial arts combines physical and intriguing mental challenges. It’s not just about building muscle or mastering techniques; it’s about fostering a mindset that propels you toward excellence. In today’s episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros examine the psychological landscape of being the standout individual in fitness circles—the ‘big fish in a small pond’—and how this status affects personal growth.

Links mentioned:
Next Level Dreamliner - https://a.co/d/f1FWAQA
Next Level Group Coaching - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/
Group 14 starts on (Tuesday) April 16th, 2024. Discount Code for NLGC (30% off): NLULISTENER

______________________

NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

_______________________

Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - ​​https://bit.ly/3xffver
Next Level U Book Club - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-book-club/
Next Level Monthly Meet-up:  https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

_______________________

We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

_______________________

Show notes:
(1:44) Kevin in the gym at a geriatric hour
(4:09) Big Fish, Small Pond
(6:51) Confidence, competence, and momentum
(9:29) Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/f1FWAQA
(10:39) Train, Mindset, Progress
(12:20) Struggling with confidence
(14:45) Self-awareness for accurat

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1671, the Difference Between a Habit and a Task. Today for episode number 1672, sometimes you do want to be a big fish in a small pond. Sometimes you do want to be a big fish in a small pond. I used to be the 5 am guy get up and go straight to the gym, be at the gym by 5.15, 5.20, cranking away. And then I realized that getting six and a half hours of sleep consistently probably wasn't the best for my brain health, overall health and just success.

Speaker 1

So nowadays yeah, it's just, it's not sustainable. It's not sustainable. Nowadays I get up around six. That's what I've been doing lately. Six o'clock Wonderful. I can stay up till 10 with Taryn. We can spend time together, get my eight hours. I'm off to the races I went to.

Speaker 1

So there's two gyms near me. When you sign up for I think there's actually three. When you sign up for one membership, you get access to all three. One is six minutes down the road, the other is 15 minutes down the road. Depending on what I'm doing, depending on what time it is, I'll go to a different gym. They're both 24 hours so I can go whenever. But one gets super busy where it's like I'm not going to go at seven in the morning because it's mayhem. The other one is it's a little bit smaller, it's a little bit simpler but it's not as busy.

Speaker 1

So the other day I went to the gym at like 8, and when I got there there was like five cars in the parking lot and I was like, oh, this is going to be great. There's nobody there, it's going to be perfect. And I walked in and I told Alan. I said kindly, I don't mean this in any negative way, but I said it was kind of like geriatric hour. What does geriatric mean? Does it mean older? I don't know what geriatric means Elderly maybe. I believe it's a unit slash specialty in medicine, I believe I'm on it. So it was a bunch of older gentlemen and a lot of them were just like leaning on the machines, talking. If you're someone who has frequently gone to the gym, you know how different people operate differently. Some people they have their headphones in. They're not talking to anybody. Other people they really like to talk. These are the type of people that really really like to talk. Do you have a definition? I do.

Speaker 2

Geriatric Relating to old people, especially with regard to their health care.

Speaker 1

Okay.

Speaker 2

So An old person who is receiving special care.

Speaker 1

I feel like that definition's like Maybe they should work on that a little bit. An old person Like what does that mean? You know what I mean? I feel like they could work on that a little bit. But this was my point of telling Alan about this and then saying let's do an episode on it.

Speaker 1

For me, I probably shouldn't go to the gym at that time because I'm going to be the most in shape person there. That feels really good, but it's not going to push me to get better. It's not going to push me to work harder. It's not going to push me to get better. It's not going to push me to work harder. It's not going to push me to do the extra sets, it's just it's not going to push me to do that.

Speaker 1

But and this has been something I've been thinking about for a long period of time If you're someone who has never gone to the gym and you're nervous about it and you don't know what machines do what and you're scared of it, and you don't know what machines do what and you're scared of judgment, you do want to be a big fish in a small pond, one of the other gym I go to. If you go on friday morning, there's no one there. And I've thought this for a long time. This is the time to go if you're someone who's insecure about working out in front of people there's nobody there. There's nobody there. So, yeah, more often than not, if you're comfortable with something, you probably don't want to be the big fish in the small pond because it's not going to push you. It's not going to push you to grow, it's not going to push you to evolve.

Speaker 1

But as an example, when I I don't even know what happened, I was injured and then I was sick. There was a bunch that happened, but when I was struggling to be more consistent in fitness, so much was going on I went to the smaller gym because I didn't want to work out next to people that were massive and way stronger than me. I didn't want to. I knew it wouldn't be good for me. I knew the likelihood of me going back and doing that. It wouldn't be good for me. I knew the likelihood of me going back and doing that. It wouldn't be great for me. So I went to the smaller gym. Yesterday at jiu-jitsu, there was only two guys there. One was a purple belt and one was a blue belt. So it goes. White, blue, purple, brown, black. I rolled a lot with the blue belt, who's only one belt ahead of me.

Speaker 2

What are the years typically Like? How long does it take? Oh man, it depends. It's probably, and also how do you even determine when you?

Speaker 1

upgrade. It depends on the place, like some people have tests where they say, all right, show me a head arm choke, show me a guard pass. It depends. It's almost like you get tested on it. It's probably two years to a blue belt, probably another two years to a purple and then it probably takes. I don't know. Let's just say two, two, two, two, two.

Speaker 2

So if you're a black belt. I wanted to be a black belt in Muay Thai or Jiu Jitsu.

Speaker 1

Muay Thai is different because there's different belts.

Speaker 1

Well, how jujitsu and muay thai is different because there's different belts. Well, how long would I, how long would it take me if I really tried in jujitsu? Uh, probably like 10 years. Wow, yeah, it's, it's a, it's a lot, it's a, it's a whole thing. And when you roll with someone who's a like a black belt, it's I don't know how to explain it it's almost like if you've ever played basketball with a little kid, it's kind of like that. I mean, they could just do whatever they want. It's not a challenge for them at all, they don't even have to think yeah, you know, but yeah, but my point of that is usually when I'm with emilia.

Speaker 2

This summer was kind of like that I believe it.

Speaker 1

She's only five, three right, and she's brand new. Yeah, it was fun, but also not fun because it doesn't last thing I want to do is stomp Emilia in basketball. And it doesn't test you.

Speaker 2

Yeah, exactly that's the other thing too. There's no challenge.

Speaker 1

Usually when I go, it's me brown belt, black belt, black belt they're all black belts, which means I am getting stomped. I am the smallest fish in the biggest pond Some days. That's really good, but it's also good to be on the other end, where I can actually roll, grapple, spar, whatever you want to call it with someone who is similar to me, because I can actually see what's real.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

I noticed that when I leave after training with people who are way, way better than me, sometimes it's like I don't know anything and I don't know what to do. Other times, when I train with people who are similar to me, I tend to do pretty well, and then it's like oh okay, all this other work and me getting stomped and being the small fish in the big pond is working. So it depends on where your confidence is in something, and I think it depends on where your competence is and the momentum you have in that thing is what. I would drop my pen to.

Speaker 2

It's the hardest thing ever to self to accurately self-assess. All of us, myself included, have an inflated view of self or a deflated view of self Because we're all okay. If I play basketball with Emilia, who's brand new to basketball and never played, and it's 5-3 and I'm 6-2, I'm going to feel way better than I really am.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 2

But then we played soccer and it was like oh okay, this is a completely different ballgame. She played soccer growing up, so she's like very good, she hammers left and right. It's a whole thing. But like it's almost like at all times you're getting inaccurate data, unless you're with people who are on your exact level, which doesn't so. If you're a big fish in a small pond, you'll inflate your true competence and it'll make you confident. If you're in a big ocean as a small fish, you're going to always feel inadequate, unless you're self-aware Right. So, like if you and I play basketball together, you'll get humbled.

Speaker 1

I beat you one time. If you and I squat together, I'll get humbled. I beat you.

Speaker 2

I beat you one time In knockout one time.

Speaker 1

And, by the way, we were going to 10. That's all I'm saying.

Speaker 2

I think it was actually twice, so I think I won eight out of 10 rounds.

Speaker 1

All I'm saying is I won.

Speaker 2

Poor Derek. Shout out to Derek. Derek had a tough day.

Speaker 1

That was tough, a rough one.

Speaker 2

I don't remember I don't think Derek won a single time.

Speaker 1

I remember I beat you and I was like that's what you get Knockout knockout.

Speaker 2

Yeah, whatever, I'll take it, moral victories or no, I can't even dribble I don't help you, like I don't know how to dribble.

Speaker 1

No basketball, ain't it. For me, it's all good it's.

Speaker 2

At the end of the day, that's the thing we we try to. We try to focus on where we're good and we try to avoid where we're not good, because feeling like a beginner sucks, but you never become an expert until you feel like a beginner. I remember I used to say this, and I don't say it anymore because I don't think it makes as much sense as I used to think it made sense, and one of my friends made fun of me for saying this. He's like that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. I used to say if you want to get better at chess, you just go lose at chess.

Speaker 2

And he's like that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. And I'm like no, no, let's, let's unpack it right. You play chess. Let's say kevin beats me at chess. I figure out why he beat me and then I go figure out what to do differently next time. Like that's, that's how you get better at stuff. You go suck at stuff, yeah, but that's only if you have self-belief. And so I think that's probably why he said that.

Speaker 1

Most likely, either that or he's just well, he, you're not my favorite person in the world you know what I'm talking about. Of course I do not my favorite person in the world. You definitely would beat me in chess. That, um. I talk a lot of trash when it comes to chess, but I don't remember much of anything. You gotta be very focused. You lose focus for a half a second. The the horse has taken your, your, your, your, whatever your bishop. That bishop's gone.

Speaker 2

You can't even make a joke about it.

Speaker 1

That horse, that horse is galloping away with your bishop and there's nothing you can do about it.

Speaker 2

Well, I think that being willing to suck at stuff makes you really good at stuff eventually.

Speaker 1

As long as you're focused on improving.

Speaker 2

Yeah, as long as you're focused on improving and building self-belief, but that is the caveat is, if your self-esteem is too low to keep going, the last thing you want to do is go get stomped.

Speaker 1

Well, that's when you first. I know I'm talking about jiu-jitsu a lot. I love jiu-jitsu. It's so hard not to talk about stuff you love. One of the first classes I ever did, there was another kid who was there for the first time ever. He had never done grapple and I partnered up with him because I there was a part of me that knew like, if you partner up with someone who doesn't know you're new and I'm sure everybody would right Because again, the place I go is awesome, but you might you might get so frustrated you might not come back.

Speaker 2

Yeah, I remember when it was like a start, but you might get so frustrated you might not come back. Yeah, I remember you also don't want to take it easy on them too, because that's insulting as well, yeah, but taking it easy is relevant yeah it's, it's it depends, like if you can't do the warm-up, the rest of the class is gonna be rude.

Speaker 1

so it's that it's almost like here. You practice on me, and because I already know, I know what we're doing, I've done, I've done it before, like I know what we're doing. You practice on me Because I know what we're doing. I've done it before. I know what we're doing. You practice on me. Do you need a break? Are you good? That it depends. It depends on and there's the ego that gets involved with that too. There's so much that gets into it. But if you are struggling with confidence, be the big fish in the small pond.

Speaker 2

Yeah, just don't live there forever. Yes, because that's not going to serve. Yeah, exactly, and then if you do actually get in a real fight or whatever, you know it's a metaphor, but then you're going to get your butt kicked and you get all the feedback at once If you're a big fish in a small pond for too long, I know we got to jump, but I went to la and I lived there for a time and we played at venice beach, and so, for those of you who have ever been to venice beach, it's where the best basketball players in the freaking world play. Uh, it's wild. I mean, they're dunking from the foul line. I'm not kidding, it's. It's why I I would never be there.

Speaker 2

I don't belong and I got reverse dunked on off the backboard. It was just it brutal and he was in sandals and I played a lot of basketball growing up. I'm very good relative to pickup basketball in a small town.

Speaker 1

Yeah, uxbridge, massachusetts. Very good, yeah, so there's caveats.

Speaker 2

I'm a very, very strong basketball player in a small town for pickup basketball, right, so it's all relative and if you're a big fish in a small pond for too long, you will get all the feedback eventually and it's it can be. It can be really devastating, honestly yeah, but it's it's.

Speaker 1

That's the hard part is it's devastating in the other way too, when you're when you're a small fish and you go to a really big pond and you don't think you can do it and then you just stop doing it. Yeah, you know, it's like it's that it's so hard to figure out that. I think that's why self-awareness is so important, because you can accurately identify how confident you are. You can accurately identify well, am I kidding myself Like I'm going to go do this thing? Am I kidding myself or am I kidding myself Like I'm going to go do this thing? Am I kidding myself? Or am I kidding myself into thinking I still need to stay in the kiddie pool Because I don't have enough belief? It's like it's such a hard thing to get to, but that's why it's so important.

Speaker 2

That's why action is so important, because when you take action, you get feedback.

Speaker 1

That's why I want to do a grappling competition.

Speaker 2

Because I want to see, I want to see. I bet you you'll do better than you think.

Speaker 1

Last time I did worse than I thought. I did a grappling competition when I was like 19. Maybe younger, maybe like 18, 19. And I got stung. I think this time you'll probably do better than you think.

Speaker 2

Maybe I think this time you'll probably do better than you, maybe Because you might be underestimating the compound effect of mastery. You're much more mastery driven than you used to be.

Speaker 1

Yeah, no, it's. I'm also much more. I'm less ignorant, less ignorant. When I have information, it's like last time I gassed out Like you know, when you get that burning in your lungs so bad that you can't stand up that, and then it's like now go, that person wants to choke you. Now go wrestle them, like mm Darn Darn. I just wasn't prepared, but I think I want to come see this honestly, it's in New Hampshire.

Speaker 2

I might, I might, we'll see. Whatever, whatever, throw it on my MIT list, I'll let you know, yeah yeah Right, you'll probably get pushed.

Speaker 1

Well, I'm not able to do that this week.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

All right, we'll let everybody go. What's your quickly? What's your next level?

Speaker 2

lesson Quickly Next level lesson At the beginning of consistent and once you start getting good, you need to transition to focusing on challenging yourself I would yeah, I would say, choose the appropriate amount of feedback you're ready for.

Speaker 1

That's what I would say. If you are interested in next level group coaching, we have a new session, a new group. For the first session, starting on Tuesday, 6 pm Eastern Standard Time, with the discount code NLUListener, you'll get 30% off. It ends up being $96 a month and you get four calls a month. I cannot imagine a more affordable way to dip your toe into coaching or to come back and do it again, maybe for a second or third time. We've had people do it multiple, multiple times, so that speaks to the result. And going back to last episode, if you do not have your next level dreamliner and you want a new one for the next 90 days, I have mine. Handy. Alan has his as well. We'll have the link in the show notes. We're on Amazon. We made it Mama.

Speaker 2

We made it Tomorrow excuse me Get the paperback version because it comes in two days.

Speaker 1

Yes.

Speaker 2

The hard copy version is more expensive and I have the hard copy. I do love it, but it takes two weeks. It's because I'm making it Kevin's personally making it.

Speaker 1

I'm in the shop making it. Ah, another order came in. Bing bing, bing, something rings in the office and I put it together All right, here we go. Tomorrow for episode number 1,000. Please hold 673. Here's why getting credit from other people matters so much. Alan had a story from one of his clients that we will share, anonymously, of course. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2

Stay consistent Next level nation.

Head Shot

Alan Lazaros

Host
Head Shot

Kevin Palmieri

Host