#1676 - Is Loneliness NECESSARY When You’re Growing?
Apr 18, 2024
Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros
Have you ever felt alone while trying to become a better person? In today’s episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros discuss how sometimes trying to improve ourselves and chase our dreams can feel lonely. The path to learning more about ourselves will not be constantly filled with cheers or awards. Instead, it’s often about looking inward, being open about our feelings, and sometimes feeling alone. This chat reassures you that feeling alone is a standard part of our growth journey, and you are not alone in this experience.
Digital Asset: Blog Post #16 - How to Build Your Best Self From the Ground Up: https://bit.ly/3UkZG17 ______________________
NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.
For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇
We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We're here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.
Show notes: (5:04) Growth lonely (6:20) Scared to be vulnerable (9:42) What did you get made fun of for? (12:13) Getting used to it (15:54) Loneliness, belonging, and uniqueness (20:11) At NLU, we want you to win! So, we're giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meetup every first Thursday of the month at 6 PM. https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/ (21:18) Hiding the unique to belong (23:38) How do you create less loneliness while alone? (26:29) The essence of resilience (33:53) Experiencing (39:06) Outro
Have you ever felt alone while trying to become a better person? In today’s episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros discuss how sometimes trying to improve ourselves and chase our dreams can feel lonely. The path to learning more about ourselves will not be constantly filled with cheers or awards. Instead, it’s often about looking inward, being open about our feelings, and sometimes feeling alone. This chat reassures you that feeling alone is a standard part of our growth journey, and you are not alone in this experience.
Digital Asset: Blog Post #16 - How to Build Your Best Self From the Ground Up: https://bit.ly/3UkZG17 ______________________
NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.
For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇
We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We're here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.
Show notes: (5:04) Growth lonely (6:20) Scared to be vulnerable (9:42) What did you get made fun of for? (12:13) Getting used to it (15:54) Loneliness, belonging, and uniqueness (20:11) At NLU, we want you to win! So, we're giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meetup every first Thursday of the month at 6 PM. https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/ (21:18) Hiding the unique to belong (23:38) How do you create less loneliness while alone? (26:29) The essence of resilience (33:53) Experiencing (39:06) Outro
Speaker 1:
Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your will. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode, episode number 1,675,. Is All Judgment Bad Today? For episode number 1,676, is Loneliness Necessary when You're Growing? We're asking a lot of questions this week. My apologies for asking so many of questions this week. My apologies for asking so many darn questions.
Speaker 2:
That's the way.
Speaker 1:
Sometimes it's the hyper-conscious way. Change the way you think Questions are the answer.
Speaker 2:
Change the way you act, change the way you live. Change the questions you ask. Change the way you think. Change the way you act. Change the way you live. That wasn't the slogan, I know, but it's too long.
Speaker 1:
That's what we did on the Hyperconscious Podcast. You can't change the slogan. We already went through this. We talked about something recently oh yeah, catchphrases. You can only have one slogan, you can only have one catchphrase To infinity and beyond Buzz.
Speaker 2:
Lightyear.
Speaker 1:
What's your catchphrase? What is my catchphrase? What is my catchphrase? Probably Don't let that bother you that's probably one. That's one. Yeah, I'd say that's the number one. Nice. What's yours, statistically speaking? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's that or I think what would be optimal is, yeah, one of those two. All right, is loneliness necessary when you're growing? I was thinking of this. Alan and I were thinking of episodes. He went to let the creatures out and I was thinking what would be a good episode? Hey, how dare you.
Speaker 2:
What Creatures. They are creatures. We're all creatures. Put some respect on it. We're all creatures. Son Tucker Tauriel, it's Bush Tucker. Wolf Tauriel, Madame Tauriel de Paris, you think I'm going to remember that and Tiger Nala Lily, you ought to put some respect on it.
Speaker 1:
Look, I can barely remember your name sometimes. I don't. You know what I mean. Yeah, in your defense it's that's a lot, a lot. Yeah, it's a lot. Are they? Are they tucker wolf? Are they looking over kingdoms?
Speaker 2:
yes, are they reigning over kingdoms? I got fudge and ace, simple fudge, and that's how different you and I are right there, fudge is a is a food, a piece of chocolate, and ace is a card. You can do tucker tilly tau, if you want tucker tilly tau you call them creatures.
Speaker 1:
What are we doing here? Creatures adds respect. I mean that with the utmost respect. You're a creature. How do you feel about that? I'm alright with it. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's not a judgment, ugh so you need to sit down.
Speaker 2:
Okay, that's what I'm saying. Alright, I'd tell you to sit down, but your chair doesn't work. Oh, how dare he.
Speaker 1:
I am. I'm already sitting down. The problem is I might not be sitting down for long. My legs might come up over my head Because my chair is trying to eject me out out the window For the listeners please, if you like the chair jokes, post it in Next Level Nation and let's all join in whether or not we.
Speaker 2:
Let's vote on whether or not we keep this chair.
Speaker 1:
I'm going to start a GoFundMe in Next Level.
Speaker 2:
Nation for a new chair for Kevin.
Speaker 1:
All right. Is loneliness necessary when you're growing? You said yes, I say no Tomorrow, said yes, I say no Tomorrow for episode number 1,677, it's going to be Freestyle Friday. We hope you have a great day and a great evening. I don't know, I would say, unless you are so blessed to have very, very aligned, growth-minded people around you that have similar core values, core beliefs and core aspirations, you're going to feel some level of lonely. Our aspirations, you're going to feel some level of lonely, and I do think loneliness part of where loneliness comes from is the vulnerability, to share how you're feeling, because you might just think you're the only one dealing with a certain issue and that might feel lonely to you and in reality, you just haven't had the vulnerability, the courage, the opportunity, the necessity, whatever to say hey Alan, hey Kev, hey Brittany, hey, whatever. I was hoping I could talk to you about something Kind of going through something and I was wondering if I could, yeah, run some things by you. I have a story.
Speaker 2:
Please Way back when I think that kids are unintentionally cruel to each other. You ever observed kids playing oh yeah, they're terrible Picture like 9-year-old, 10-year-old, 11-year-old, like that age and they call each other names. It's brutal. When we were little kids I don't know what age I want to say, 12, 13, 11, a couple young, young boys, me and my group of friends, we were riding our bikes and one of my friends made the mistake of somehow saying something about how one time he was afraid to crap himself. I know it's a weird story. He was afraid to crap himself and he ended up just going in a river and just using his hand. I know it's weird.
Speaker 1:
I'll make a point. When you first started the story, did you know this is where it was going to get to?
Speaker 2:
I'm just trying to be more me. Kev. This is going to make a point. I promise we called him and I want to say we. I wasn't really in this but I did unfortunately participate. But I didn't start it. He got called poo hand For the longest time I'm talking like years.
Speaker 1:
It never really goes away Years and years and years.
Speaker 2:
And here's the thing. I know that's funny and it's supposed to be funny, but it also is why we're all so scared to be vulnerable and that's why we feel alone. I do think that growing is super lonely because I came to this distinction. Maybe we do an episode at some point, kev, I'll talk to you about it. But I realized that growing up I had no problem. I was on a podcast recently and I talked about the difference between improvement toward achievement and then self-improvement, and I wrote a blog recently. It's blog number 16. We'll put the link in the show notes. It's all about self-improvement.
Speaker 2:
I wasn't self-improvement oriented, but I was very improvement oriented. So after 26, after my car accident, I had a quarter-life crisis. Kevin did as well, with suicidal ideation. That's the shortest possible version I can give for the new listeners, but essentially what happened is for me anyways is I was achievement oriented and I was improvement oriented. So everything I did, I always wanted to improve at basketball. I always wanted to improve at video games. I always wanted to improve at basketball. I always wanted to improve at video games. I always wanted to improve at academics. I always wanted to improve toward my goals and dreams my career, my resume, my cover letter, all this stuff. I improved my LinkedIn. I was so improvement-oriented, which some people think is growth. Some people think that's a growth mindset and it kind of is mindset and and it kind of is. I had a huge distinction recently and maybe this is silly, but it was like whoa, I wasn't self-improvement oriented that's all it was is it was good.
Speaker 2:
I was gonna say we did an episode on it. Okay, you remember the? I don't think I did, but I didn't know when this happened. But it's very clear to me now. I've been observing everyone. Some people can take feedback if If they're painting. I remember I painted up in Maine for a time and I got feedback on my painting and whether or not I did it well and how to get better.
Speaker 2:
Some people are good at taking feedback when it comes to painting or a craft or building a house or doing carpentry or whatever you name it, but they're very bad at taking self-feedback. I didn't start taking self-feedback super well until after 26. And I didn't. I don't think I was particularly statistically bad at taking self-feedback, but I definitely wasn't great at it. And to bring this full circle, one of the reasons why it was so cruel that he got called poo hand is because I know it's so hard for you. I'll stop the laugh. It's just so bad. But here's the thing. The reason why we don't want to be vulnerable is because when we were vulnerable and we said something stupid, we got so attacked for it. We got so made fun of even stupid though like that's I.
Speaker 1:
I think that's a reframe. You said something that was outside the realm of normalcy for other people maybe.
Speaker 2:
And then kids what do they? Do they grab that one thing you said and they just rib you for it.
Speaker 2:
They just consistently make fun of you. That's what it is. I'm convinced that being made fun of when we're younger, whatever you got made fun of so everyone out there listening I found this to be gold in coaching. I want you to try to go into your past. When you were a kid. What did you get made fun of for? Whatever you got made fun of for by your parents or your aunts and uncles or your friends or or your extended family or your colleagues or co-workers or teachers.
Speaker 2:
Think of times of embarrassment where you were made fun of. That's where shame lives, and there's a lot of research on this too. I'm not just talking. Shame lives where you got made fun of and whatever you got made fun of for it creates what's called an exile and you just basically are hiding it all the time without even knowing it. This is unconscious conditioning, and so to your point kev of is growth lonely.
Speaker 2:
That's why not a lot of people want to look at that. Not a lot of people have the courage, the humility and the vulnerability to say I don't think I'm smart enough. That's not so. I probably shouldn't use that example, but it's very hard to put yourself out there because you got so made fun of in the past Because it feels like you're still going to get made fun of and maybe you will around certain people, quite frankly. But bullies mess us up.
Speaker 2:
I always wondered why I hated bullies so much. Now I know why it holds us back. I'm convinced bullies hold people back more than any other single thing Because they make fun of you for who you are and then you basically spend the rest of your life running from who you are and I don't want that for anybody. So I didn't mean to go off on some crazy side tangent, but it triggered in me when you were talking, kevin. It is lonely. Personal growth is lonely because you might be one of the only people who's willing to look in that deep, deep, deep mirror and overcome those deep exiles.
Speaker 1:
I've told this story before and again this. It wasn't a big deal for me because I was kind of I was kind of used to stuff like this but I was in Maine with some friends of mine and we were out sitting on the dock, uh, partaking in a in a joint a marijuana, cigarette and I I, we were looking up at the sky and it was beautiful and I said isn't it weird? I did the thing I do. Isn't it weird that we're on a rock spinning through the universe and nobody ever thinks of that, like we're all thinking of this moment, when this doesn't matter really in the grand scheme of things, and if gravity ever decided to take a day off, we'd float off into space and perish and everybody just laughed at me. But I had a moment of well, that's. I mean, I've been doing more growth in philosophy, for lack of a better phrase. Maybe that's why I'm weird in this situation. I don't know. I like that. I like that about myself. That's something I I'm proud of.
Speaker 2:
I'm proud of being weird in that that's the opposite of shame.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, yeah, the way you reacted to.
Speaker 2:
That was so positive.
Speaker 1:
I'm, I'm some, I think I'm somewhat no-transcript Because I've been doing things very different than everybody else for most of my life. I'll never forget when I was working at the hospital. I was working 11 to 7, and I'd work, I think it was like Monday through Friday, but I'd have like every other Friday off or something. So like sometimes I'd have weekends but all my other friends were like at college, I think and here I am, like working a real job for lack of better phrasing and making my own money and trying to save and all that stuff, and like it was a really important.
Speaker 1:
It's not going to sound like it because I probably don't seem that responsible as a human being now, but it was a very important time for me and my responsibility. I had to be at work at 11 o'clock. I'd work till seven. I still wanted to exercise, I still wanted to go for walks. I remember I used to work 11 to seven and then I used to go to what was the golf course on that big hill in Douglas? Was it Flametos, or is that the one near?
Speaker 2:
you Hold on.
Speaker 1:
Edgewood, yeah, edgewood. I would literally go straight from the hospital, I would rent a cart and I would play golf by myself. Seven o'clock in the morning I was the only person on- the golf course. Really, yeah, yeah, yeah, I did that for a while. There was a season in my life where I was Good for you, I would go straight and play golf. I liked it.
Speaker 2:
I liked it Just went hit a quick nine.
Speaker 1:
No, I would play 18.
Speaker 2:
By yourself yeah.
Speaker 1:
I'd play 18 by myself, good for you, man, I didn't want to go home Now, I'm not laughing making fun of you.
Speaker 2:
I'm laughing because that's very unique.
Speaker 1:
I didn't want to go home and I've just worked all night. I'm supposed to go to sleep. I don't want to go home and go to sleep at eight o'clock in the morning. Were you any good?
Speaker 2:
at golf? No, no, no, no. Is that why you?
Speaker 1:
played alone. No, no, so I this is funny, this is a funny story. Uh, my uncle, my uncle Chuck, rest in peace. Rest in peace, uncle Chuck. Him, myself and one of my buddies went golfing one time and I think we were on like the third hole and I said honestly, f it, I'm leaving, I'm taking off. And my friend was like, dude, you can't leave me here with him. And I said you can leave with me if you want, or you can stay, I'm taking off, I ain't playing golf anymore, I'm done. And he stayed. I think he actually stayed and played with my uncle. My uncle was better than me and he was better than me too.
Speaker 1:
But when I was working at the hospital, dude, that was brutal I felt so alone. I felt so alone because I'm on in the opposite schedule of everybody I know. At that time was I like super single. Yeah, I was super single at that time. Fitness, I was still doing fitness, but I felt super alone. I think the hard part about growth is usually growth is not in the same exact trajectory. So even if somebody is growing at the same rate as you, they're growing in a different way than yeah, different direction potentially yeah, so it doesn't feel like when I, when I was growing and making a bunch of money.
Speaker 1:
I'm sure I felt lonely in that, but maybe I didn't feel lonely in other ways. I was so lonely physically because I lived so far away from everybody, but emotionally too. I remember I would get home same thing. I would get home from work. I wouldn't even go home, I'd go to the gym. I would go to the gym at like two o'clock in the morning after a seven hour ride from New Jersey and an eight hour workday. I would just go to the gym because I didn't want to go home and go to sleep. I remember walking. It was the worst. So I was gone for a week at a time. So I'd usually turn the, even in the winter I would just set the heat at like 65 or 60. I'm not going to be here, I don't care and I'll never. I don't know if I'll ever forget the feeling of walking in and just it was freezing and it was so quiet, just like the silence, and energetic silence too. There's just nothing there, it's just super quiet. Not another soul there, brut, brutal I'll never forget that.
Speaker 2:
I'll never, ever, ever forget that ever. How did you okay? What did you learn from that? I think I created most of my loneliness do you okay, out of fear, or because I manufactured so much belonging I didn't even mean to. I didn't know that I was doing that. But I don't care, I've never really felt super lonely.
Speaker 1:
I don't think I care about belonging.
Speaker 2:
Not as much as other people, that's for sure, but that's because your core wound is different.
Speaker 1:
I think that's the thing.
Speaker 2:
Like of course I Not smart enough, not capable enough.
Speaker 1:
Of course I experience loneliness. It's not something that focused on not being. I think there was a part of me that kind of liked it.
Speaker 2:
Agreed. That's why you keep attracting it. That's like so interesting. That's why you it's no one goes and golfs alone. I'm not making that wrong. Nobody does that it's not common, that's not normal, not at seven o'clock in the morning man.
Speaker 1:
I'm not making that wrong Genuinely man, I'm not making that.
Speaker 2:
No, I don't genuinely. I just this is the the lesson, instead of me just poking it kept. The lesson in this, I think, is the stuff that's weird about you is what's unique about you. There's, there's data there. You never told me that story before I get lots of stories baby, if you had told me that, I would have analyzed it upside down and sideways and we would have figured out something about you probably wouldn't tell you.
Speaker 2:
Most likely, yeah, freudian analysis, the. The truth of the matter is is everything that's weird about you that you're hiding is connected to what's unique about you that you've probably even made fun of? Or you think it's weird, or you think it's wrong. And what if it's not? What if it's not weird or wrong? I was. I built my own computer when I was 13 I never used to talk about that.
Speaker 2:
I know every part of this computer, like I know how to build it. What do you think that is? You think it's weird? I think you trigger other people's insecurities. Maybe it's weird, maybe they're not interested.
Speaker 1:
What do you think like, regardless outside, for me, or for you, for you, what do you think it is? Do you think it's weird? Do you think it's awesome? You think like, regardless outside, for me, or for you, for you, what do you think it is? Do you think it's weird? Do you think it's awesome? You think it's unique, like what do you think I think it's awesome? I think it's awesome. What are you? I think? What are you afraid other people would? What were you afraid? I won't suggest that you still are I don't know.
Speaker 2:
I I would say it just isn't something that builds belonging. So I probably just didn't, unless I was with a computer engineer, like I built a computer in college with some of my college roommates. They're the techiest, geekiest people you can imagine. I mean it's and I loved it. I used to literally drink with them and then get them debating with each other so I could learn. It was the best. I loved it. I would just ask them questions and just like sit back and debate. And I learned so much in college because these are like take the smartest people you've ever met and then get them to debate each other while drinking. I mean you want to have a good time. That's, that's my. I didn't know that that's what I was doing, but that's what I was doing.
Speaker 2:
I remember in college I'll be brief about this but I went to college and I was the math and science guy in high school, straight A's, blah, blah, blah. And then I went to college and I got the physics award in high school. So go me right, awesome. And then I go to college and we finish in two weeks what we did all year in high school and I was like, oh yeah, this is a different game. This is a different level. It's kind of like if you're playing in the minor leagues in baseball and then you go up to the major leagues and there's a 95 mile an hour fastball and you're like I am screwed, I'm screwed, I'm going to say it, I'm fucked. So I'm sorry. If any kids are out there, my apology. I know a lot of our listeners have kids in the car. I'm so sorry. Here's the thing. I had that moment of I'm going to lose all my scholarships. I'm going to lose all my financial aid. Like I cannot. I need to find the smartest humans I can find and I need to squad up. I need to squad up with the most brilliant humans I can find Because computer engineering was so ridiculously difficult. Like Worcester Polytechnic Institute is one of the best technical colleges in the world, it was so alarmingly challenging. I mean signal analysis. These courses were effing brutal. Now I'm also really smart. I was the guy who could party all night and get straight A's in calculus. So I'm playing with a very high ability in this area and I was still like what in the F right Granted, I partied in college.
Speaker 2:
If I had the habits I had now, I don't think college would have been that difficult, quite frankly. But I was again more friends, more fun, and so I found the smartest kids I could find. I taught them how to party and they taught me how to study, because in high school I didn't have to study. I, I just kind of could win without trying that hard, um, and rest on my laurels a little bit. And I, I I say that tongue in cheek because I did. I do think I tried a little harder than most but, truth be told it, it did come easy, fast forward.
Speaker 2:
What's the point of that whole story? You, you, you do hide the things that are unique out of want for belonging. I think that you did something different, kev. You were like I want to be unique. Yeah, I like I want to be a fighter when no one else wants to fight. I want to be a podcaster because that seems unique. I don't want to go to college because everyone else is going. I want to go and travel instead of what everyone else is doing. I think you've always wanted to be unique. Well.
Speaker 1:
I think I wanted significance. That's one way to get significance. I think a lot of people just get significance. It gives negative significance.
Speaker 2:
Yeah. I think in some ways maybe you were super relatable naturally, so you wanted to be unique. I was super unique, naturally, and I wanted to be relatable, and I think we're finally at a place now where we're gonna be our true self. Yeah, at least to a more extent than before.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, for sure, and I think it's less lonely. Definitely, I think it's less lonely. But I also want to create.
Speaker 2:
How do you create less loneliness while alone? If you can be alone and not feel lonely, I feel like everything else is great. Yeah, I feel like that's. That's where personal development. I remember one time I had a friend who said personal development is personal and, as silly as that sounds, it's so profound. It's you and you, and if you don't have that dark time of loneliness, it's going to be really difficult for you to find out who you really are. And some of us are so distracted all the time we just don't.
Speaker 1:
I don't know if I have a good answer, because I've been with you the whole time, so I don't know.
Speaker 2:
I haven't really had to be alone, alone, but you used to be alone all the time.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I've been a lot of your life. My growth was different. My growth was different. It was like I felt like when I got the job that facilitated me, making good money, I felt like a man for the first time ever. I was like I'm a grown man, Like I have my own place, I have my own car, I have to pay my all my own bills. I'm like responsible for me. I don't see my. I see my family, like once every couple months, maybe in the height of my travel. I would pretty much only see my family on holiday, so I might see them three or four times a year. It's like I'm a man, but I don't know.
Speaker 1:
I was so attached to my goals that I was okay with sacrificing whatever that meant. When I hit the initial rock bottom, my partner left me. I was broke, I was lonely. I remember thinking well, this is the time for me to go accomplish something, and what I want to accomplish is I want to make as much money the most money I've ever made in my entire life. That's what I want to do, because I don't want to make as much money the most money I've ever made in my entire life. That's what I want to do, Because I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be here where I don't know how I'm going to pay my bills. I don't want to be here. If something happens to my car, I can't afford to get it fixed. I don't want to be here. I don't want to do that.
Speaker 2:
I don't want to do goal, so it didn't feel as as lonely. Was that the first time you had that goal orientation like that? Yeah, that's yeah. Ever since then you've had a lot of goal orientation. I was the opposite. It was like for me I was always goal oriented and then I had to flip the script and figure out who I was.
Speaker 1:
I never felt like I had the opportunity to accomplish goals. I say it jokingly I was lucky to get that job. I didn't get that job based on qualification. I didn't get that job based on anything. This is what happened. Quick before we go.
Speaker 1:
I was dating, okay, so I was a forklift operator and a truck driver. Okay, I worked for my uncle. I was talking to one of the guys I worked with, lance, and he's like what do you want to do? Like, what do you want to do with your future? And I was like I want to be a firefighter. I feel like that'd be awesome, that would be super cool. I, you watch tv and you see firefighters and paramedics and they just seem like so competent, they can do anything. I, I want to do that. And he's like well, you got to get on a volunteer squad. And I was like all right, let me see what that entails.
Speaker 1:
So I went to Uxbridge, I went to the fire station. I said, hey, how do I do this volunteer thing? And they said we actually have a. There's a training coming up in the next couple months and we're taking people. And I was like all right, cool, I'm in. And I went to my job and I said, hey, I need to be off early Tuesdays and Thursdays and I can't work Saturdays Because it's Tuesday, thursday and Saturday. And they said, cool, too bad, not gonna happen. And I was like, alright, cool, well, I quit and I'm gonna go do this. And they said you're gonna quit without a job and I said I do it all the time, yeah, but I do it all the time, yeah, I'm gonna be fine, we'll figure it out. So then I ended up going to the fire.
Speaker 2:
The kid who has no self-belief has sneaky self-belief, I guess. So weird. I just don't. I don't like that, or you're reckless.
Speaker 1:
I don't like people telling me what to do bothers me. I bother. People tell me I can't live my life the way like. I can't get out of work early. I want to be a firefighter and you can't just let me get off work early. For three months I'm trying to like better my life and better the community.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, but I have to make my deliveries you know, oh, oh, sorry, sorry for sorry.
Speaker 1:
I'm gonna go. My bad that's on me.
Speaker 2:
I should have known better well, you know what places like that do. They try to keep people where they are.
Speaker 1:
And again, it's a business. It pisses me off, I know, I know. No, no, it still pisses. I know. Same straight up. So I left. Yeah, so I left, so for you. So I went to the fire academy. I worked with my buddy, zach, the big tattooed guy who's the scariest looking human but the nicest dude ever. I worked with him renovating a house and then after that I was getting ready to graduate the fire academy and I had no work and I had the realization at that time that there's no way I'm going to be a firefighter anytime soon. The list is so long. Yeah, military and police get it first. Yep, there's. This is like not going to happen. Most likely my.
Speaker 1:
The person I was dating at the time, her aunt, worked. One of the things she did was she helped people get better opportunities for jobs and there was this job fair going on in Framingham, mass, which is like 45 minutes from where we lived, but that's the town I actually worked in at the time when I was driving for the truck place. I worked in Framingham. That's where I worked, so I kind of knew Framingham pretty well. She said you should talk to my aunt and see if there's anything you might be interested in for the truck place I worked in Framingham. That's where I worked, so I kind of knew Framingham pretty well. She said you should talk to my aunt and see if there's anything you might be interested in in this job fair. And I said, all right, let me see, I'll give it a shot.
Speaker 2:
How small did the world feel back then? So small?
Speaker 1:
Is it so different now? So small get offered. That's the one I'll take Most likely God.
Speaker 2:
that's so different than what it is now. It was brutal, Even you with Framingham well, I knew Framingham. Look at how much certainty there's such a pattern of you needed certainty.
Speaker 1:
That's what I knew. So I went to this job fair and I learned weatherization. And all I learned really was, as somebody who's doing weatherization, you seal up holes in homes, in the attics, in the basements, you keep the good air in the bad air out. That was the simplest form, and they taught us how to use different stuff. And I was like all right, cool, I get to the end of that training and I go kind of do like my exit interview and the lady said we have someone we want to set you up with. It's like one of the best companies. You have a great personality. I think you're going to fit in perfectly. And I was like all right, cool. And she said there's only one downside. And I was like, of course there is. Of course there is.
Speaker 2:
They're located in.
Speaker 1:
Boston and it requires you to spend a lot of time on the road. And I said I'm out, I'm not driving to Boston every day. And she said you'll make anywhere from $40 to $60 an hour. And I was like I'm in, let's do it, I'm in, whatever Part of me did not think this was ever going to happen.
Speaker 1:
No, there's no chance this is going to happen. No, are you kidding me? I just came to this job fair for two weeks, learned a couple things and now I'm going to make $60 an hour. What do you think I? I was born at night, but not last night. So I'll never forget that's fun for me. I'll never forget I was at the movies with one of my friends and I was broke.
Speaker 1:
I don't even know how I afforded to go to the movies. I have no, no idea where the money came from. And my boss my future boss called me and he said hey, we're, we're coming for an interview. I want to talk to you. I was like all right, cool.
Speaker 1:
So I went and met my boss. I put on the finest khakis and button up shirt I had and he had me working Like. I went, met him for like 10 minutes and he had me like moving stuff around. He's like all right, man, I like you, you have a great personality, you're in, I'll call you when we're leaving. We have a job starting in Delaware in a couple of weeks. I'll call you. It's like all right, cool. So he called me a couple of weeks later and he said hey, we're shipping out Friday or Saturday, whatever. Meet me at the office, pack your suitcase. And I was like all right, cool. And I told my mom and grandmother I was like I'm going to live in Delaware for a week, so we're going to see, kind of see, how this plays out. I'm going to go live in Delaware.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, yeah. So I drove I think it was, I don't know eight hours, ten hours, with this guy that I've met one time this is the second time I've ever seen this person in person and we drove to Delaware together and then we I moved, we rented a house as a company and I moved into this house with like seven other strangers that I'd never met and then I proceeded to learn a job that I had never done. But I remember when I got my check for the first time I'll never forget I opened up the pay stub and I think I made. I was making $50 an hour because I was on probation, because it was I was new. So I was making $10 an hour less than everybody else and I was like I just made $2,000 this week that it used to take me a month to make. That this can't be real. And then from there it was like nothing else really matters, and back then that's a lot more than now.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, it was a ton, by the way it was a ton.
Speaker 1:
So long story short, I had no right getting that job. Really, I got lucky. I did. I got lucky. I was in the right place at the right time with the right attitude. That is the one thing I'll give myself is I had the right attitude.
Speaker 2:
Right place, right time, right attitude, right workup. Yeah, show up on time. You came correct. There's other things.
Speaker 1:
I know.
Speaker 2:
I know, I know Right. And now that you're a business owner, you know how challenging it is to find reliable people. You were reliable.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, yeah, but all that's a big thing. All I'm saying with all that is it just like yeah, whatever I'm in.
Speaker 2:
I mean, what does that have to do with loneliness? I don't know, no.
Speaker 1:
I'm kidding, no, no, well.
Speaker 2:
I was trying to circle it back, but I think we've lost what we were talking about.
Speaker 1:
To your point, I wasn't that lonely because I felt like I was actually chasing something for the first time.
Speaker 2:
And you weren't that concerned about being lonely. That's another thing. I think you're right about belonging not mattering.
Speaker 1:
I'd rather be successful than be surrounded by people who I just kind of get along with. I don't require a lot of attention. I like five people, three people, five people. If I can have like five really close people, that's. I think I'm just realistic in that.
Speaker 2:
It's good self-awareness For all the listeners to make this more relevant to all of you. Are you someone who has been really concerned with not belonging and deeply fearful of being alone? If that's the case, you probably are being held back by your peers, at least on some level. Yeah, because you're afraid to sail away, you're afraid to live in delaware, you're afraid to whatever, whatever that job opportunity is. Or are you on the other end where you don't mind being alone at all, but maybe you're not networking as much as you could or should and putting yourself out there and participating?
Speaker 2:
experiencing in experiencing sports and sports teams and clubs and toastmasters, whatever it is you know. So that's good self-awareness for everybody. And to answer the original question, my next level lesson is this Personal growth is personal and therefore lonely. Try to find other people on that journey and it will be less lonely. That's it.
Speaker 1:
Mine would be something I've said before. Would you rather be the most aligned version of you and lonely or more misaligned and surrounded by a bunch of people? Growth is a really good suggestion that you're on the right path towards something Agreed. Sometimes it's better to be that than it is to just be surrounded by noise or surrounded with noise and I'm not saying that the people in your life are noise, but I do, I think a lot of us. We crave attention and we dress it up as love. Yeah.
Speaker 2:
Or we crave attention at the expense of fulfillment. Yeah, deep one.
Speaker 1:
Deep one today. Good stuff, yeah, yeah. Thanks for listening to my story everyone. I appreciate it very much.
Speaker 2:
That's funny, man Delaware who knew hey, I'm going to go live in Delaware. Okay, good luck.
Speaker 1:
I might not even come back. I don't even know I might not even come back. I don't even know where I'm going. I have no idea what any of this is. You know what I mean. I'm sure my mom and grandma thought I was crazy Of course.
Speaker 1:
I'm telling to be making $50 an hour. There's no way they believe me. They almost thought I was nuts. I may never come back. Next Level Nation. If you are looking for a place where you're not going to feel lonely in your growth or I'll say you'll feel less lonely in your growth I can't guarantee you won't feel any loneliness. Next Level Nation is all about that. That's why we have a Facebook group. The Facebook group originally started as a place that Alan and I would have enjoyed as people trying to grow and feeling like we didn't really fit in anywhere. So if you're interested, the link will be in the show notes a safe place to be the authentic version of you 100% no bullies allowed and it is a safe, safe, safe space to be your own weird.
Speaker 2:
Speaking of safe spaces to be weird, we are. We are reading a book called the Psychology of Money the Psychology of Money I'm holding it up for those of you on YouTube by Morgan Housel. It is the book that won the vote. There were seven books. Thank you everyone who voted. It won with 44% of the vote, which is pretty intense considering there were seven books. Super excited for this. Kevin's read this book. This book is a very honest book. I always think you know zero to 10. On the 10 end, you've got an overly confident, overly fluffy, overly optimistic book that is motivating and inspiring, but sometimes it's a little bit eh, I don't know.
Speaker 2:
And then the zeros are very pessimistic, dark, nothing's going to work out overly pessimistic book. I would say this is a four. Most self-improvement personal development books are on the overconfident everything's going to work out. You can manifest your dreams like a little bit fluffy, feel good. This is going to be different, but it's not a bad thing. I think it's going to be a breath of fresh air for all of us to hear someone who's very honest about the data and who's very honest about the psychology of money and your relationship to it. So I hope you join book club, click the link in the show notes and, uh, we're doing two chapters per week. This Saturday, 1230 PM, eastern standard time, is the first two chapters tomorrow for episode number 1,677.
Speaker 1:
It is freestyle Friday. We've gotten a lot of really good feedback on freestyle Friday, so thank you to everyone who has given that feedback to us. I told Alan a couple whenever we started. I said I feel like we got to go, we got to do something freestyle. You and I should just talk, we'll come with, just come with a thought and see what happens. And I am grateful that you're enjoying it out there because it's one of my. It's my favorite episode, for sure of the week.
Speaker 2:
Well, some would say Kev that lives. I've never heard anybody say that in my life. Never in my life have I ever even heard those words put in. There was a podcast slash youtube channel.
Speaker 1:
One time I looked on the called. Yeah, I looked I couldn't find it on the podcast called conversations change lives I searched all the podcasts I had my first guest was awful I searched all the podcast apps. I couldn't find. It never came up.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I don't know so for the new listeners, I had a podcast called Conversations. Change Lives way back, and Kevin was my first guest, and so that's what that joke was.
Speaker 1:
Alan had a podcast before I did YouTube channel, but yeah, I won't give it to you. It was going to be a podcast. Well, I was going to be but I'm not yet.
Speaker 2:
You know what I mean Used to be's, ought to be's, should be's and could be's. Don't produce no honey. Yeah gonna be's and gonna be's, gonna be's also.
Speaker 1:
As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and, as Excuse me, at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you.