#1684 Insecurity Is A Strange Thing - Freestyle Friday

When we encounter high-pressure moments, it's common to question our authenticity and whether the person navigating those challenges is the real 'us.' In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros explore this existential problem, exploring how we can cultivate genuine confidence that isn't reliant on external achievements but rather on a profound sense of internal worth. Transformation begins with the courage to be authentic and the willingness to take purposeful action toward the life we truly desire. This discussion is a raw and intimate exploration of personal adversity, offering a compass to guide us through our peaks and valleys.

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Show notes:
(3:41) Going through and growing through
(7:48) Two versions of yourself?
(11:49) The struggle of being true to yourself
(13:38)

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1,683,. Here's why Getting Better Is so Hard. Today, for episode number 1,684.

Speaker 1 0:18

It is Free Style Friday. My internet is wonking right now, alan, so if I am aware of that, just. But everything should be good on the technological side. What? Two? Two thoughts. One are you going through anything that you think would be a valuable topic to dive into for Freestyle Friday? That's that's first thought. I have a place for us to start where you can kind of think of what you're going through, and then maybe we can jump to that. You and I were talking before this very episode and I said it's wild how much a day or two or a week can shift the way you feel based on what's going on circumstantially in your life. Based on what's going on circumstantially in your life, and we were just talking about how in New England it's early spring, it's a new season, it's going to be 60 degrees today. It was like 65 degrees yesterday. The window's open, awesome. But it's also very interesting how quickly the seasons of life can change. I was in a very rough season. Honestly, it seems like all year so far 2024 has been tough.

Speaker 1 1:30

It's been tough. I had shingles. There was just a lot going on. I was sick for a while, there was a lot going on, but now it feels completely different and it almost feels like that season is completely closed. Now I have a lot of lessons and I have a lot of things I've taken from that season. But it's just wild how fast you can go from one season to another if you if you allow yourself to, I guess, because I could very easily hang on to the last season and look at all the things that went wrong, and I think it's important to do that from a place of learning lessons.

Speaker 2 2:08

But that's kind of what's on my mind for this freestyle front the thing that you asked of what am I going through and growing through is this realization of confidence. I've talked a little bit about it this past week on the episodes. There's a big difference between achievement confidence or competence confidence that's the first bucket achievement confidence, competence confidence, confidence in skills, confidence externally, confidence that you can go do this thing, or so you used yesterday. We talked in yesterday's episode about you running a mile. So confidence in terms of your ability to run a mile, that would be external confidence, in this metaphor or in this example. Bucket two is character confidence, which is character, and who character? Confidence in who you are. And in hindsight, seven years ago, when Kevin and I first started doing podcasts together, we had something called the confidence conundrum. When I say we, it was Kev and the confidence conundrum for those of you who don't know is I'll let you do it. It's the confidence conundrum.

Speaker 1 3:18

Oh man, I haven't spoken about the confidence conundrum in a minute. It's basically the thought is, if you don't believe in yourself, you don't take new action. If you don't get new action, you don't get new feedback. And if you don't get new feedback, you don't get new experiences. And ultimately, you end up in this conundrum of I don't believe in myself enough to prove to myself that I'm actually capable of doing it. And that's where a lot of us this was my life in a nutshell in the beginning I want to do insert thing here. I don't feel like I have enough confidence to do the thing that I want to do. Therefore, I won't do it. Therefore, I'll regret it and therefore, next time I have the opportunity to do it, I'll just look at this cycle and I'll just run this same cycle forever. If you can borrow belief, if somebody can inject belief in you, then you actually do the thing and you get a different result than you expected, thus proving to yourself that maybe it's not as bad as you thought it was going to be.

Speaker 2 4:17

And so that was based on external confidence. And I didn't understand that, which is quite alarming, honestly, because we've been teaching confidence for seven years and you were always the one who struggled with external confidence. I always felt like external confidence came very easy to me. What I didn't realize is that there's another type of confidence, which is confidence in who you are, confidence in being your true self, and a lot of people who have been listening for a long time there is sort of a correlation here between self-belief and self-worth. So self-belief is kind of like and you've been saying this for a while, Kev, although it never fully clicked for me until recently Self-belief is your belief in your ability to go and achieve something externally. Self-worth is more of your belief in yourself, in who you are, and so one of them is I can build the castle. The other one is I deserve to live in this castle and I'm going to honor and protect it, and so I think that's what I've been growing through is just realizing how not confident I've been in who I actually am, and so that's been fascinating lately for me to be extremely computer engineer version of alan, because that behind the scenes that's who I really am. I'm, I think I remember I slid a book across the table, metaphorically to Kev, and I said this book. If you really want to understand how I think. This is the book. It's called Rationality by Steven Pinker, and way back in my gambling days in my early 20s, I used to count cards and I've just always thought in numbers and mathematics, and so, anyways, whoever you are, whether you're a computer engineering type, or you're an artist, or you're a creative, or you're into gardening, whatever it is, whatever you are, when no one's watching, how do you learn how to be an amplified version of that, even when other people are watching? And I think that that's where your calling lives, that's where your passion and your purpose and your profit are going to live, and I would much rather you be that true self in the marketplace, in your career, and I think that a lot of us in the past. I'll go quick with this, but this is something that came to me recently too.

Speaker 2 6:20

People always talk about work-life balance, and I never really agreed with that. I always thought to myself why would you do that? You can integrate your work and your life, and especially in the 21st century, when a lot of us work from home, there isn't a huge gap between work and life. So for Kevin and I the commute is 30 seconds. I feel super grateful for that, genuinely. But there's not a huge separation between work and life for us.

Speaker 2 6:45

So way back in the early 1900s, mid-1900s, even 1970s, 80s, there was, I think and I could be wrong about this, but from the history that I've studied, it feels to me, as I've studied, more leadership and corporate and that kind of thing.

Speaker 2 7:03

The structures, managers, systems leaders, corporate, the way careers used to work, particularly in the US but really globally is you're kind of your true self at home or you're your true self at work.

Speaker 2 7:18

So if you watch a show called Mad Men, it's early 1950s era advertising, sort of Manhattan Avenue type of thing in New York City and these awful men not all of them, but these characters are kind of like these.

Speaker 2 7:37

They at home, they're one version of themselves with their wife and their kids, and then they go to work and they're these other shady kind of cheat on you type of versions and so again, that's an extreme example. But who are you really? Are you someone who, your true self, is behind the scenes when no one's watching, like let me, let me phrase this better is your true self, you at work, in your career, or is your true self you at home with your family? Because here's the interesting thing, kevin I think a lot of people are actually their true self at work, like some of the men that I used to work with in corporate were I wasn't a fan of. I think that was who they really were when they were at work, and when they were at home they'd put on a show and pretend to be a good guy that's fair and I'd see these, I'd see this other side of them, because I'm a guy.

Speaker 2 8:27

They think I want to be a guy with them and it's like, wait a minute. So you're like real here in this corporate sales setting, making all this money, blah blah, but you're a fake version of yourself at home. Either that or you're being fake with me, and so all of us have this sort of two versions of themselves type of thing. One is do you feel more of your true self at home or do you feel more of your true self in your career? And so for me, as a computer engineer, I always felt like more of my true self working. No wonder why I love to work. That makes perfect sense now, whereas other people had to put on a show at work, quote unquote. What if that show was actually who I really am? No wonder why I love working makes sense.

Speaker 1 9:10

I I used to have the pleasure or displeasure, depending on, uh the perspective of living with my co-workers for a week at a time. So when I was working with someone, we would be in the, we would leave massachusetts and drive to our job site usually like six hours, so that's six hours with someone. Then I'd go work with this person for eight hours and sometimes I worked with this person for the entire day. Then we would go back to the hotel and we were in the same room. So I would end up. If we stayed up until midnight, I had effectively been with that person for 18 hours that day, and then eight hours, eight hours, eight hours and then another 16 hours. So I really got to see the ins and outs of people's lives.

Speaker 2 9:53

What can you bring and this is my curiosity genuinely to me and to the listeners when it comes to were most of these people maybe you pick a hypothetical example, not hypothetical, anonymous example but were they more? What's your intuition tell you? Were they more their true self with you at work or were they more true self at home with their wife and kids? Work for sure, yeah, work for sure. Doesn't that scare the hell out of you now realizing that, isn't that wild.

Speaker 1 10:21

Yeah, and I think that's one of the reasons I felt so different, because one of the first things I did was I found the gym. I was known as the gym guy. Like my boss would say hey, kev, I know there's a gym close by. Because I was, it was like where are we staying? Oh, we're staying in newport, news, virginia. Okay, where's the nearest gym? It was always that for me. That was always how it went and that was a running joke.

Speaker 1 10:41

I feel like I was, I don't know. I feel like I'm kind of I try to be me wherever I go. You and I were having that conversation the other day where it's like I don't, yeah, I don't, I don't really struggle to be myself Really Now, maybe now I do in certain areas, because most people don't want to talk about self-improvement or business, so it's like I don't really got much else I can talk about the Bruins. The Boston Bruins are in the playoffs and I watched hockey last night. I could talk about that. I'm in. So I don't know.

Speaker 1 11:19

I think back then I almost was known as the guy. Think back then I almost was known as the guy the fitness guy who was into deep conversations at work, so I was able to carry over who I was. But yeah, I was alarmed at some of the behaviors that I witnessed. Now again, I was no angel. I loved partying. We'd go out and spend a boatload of money, stay up all night, go drinking, and I had fun doing that. But there were a lot of people were cheating on their spouses the entire time they were working there. That was way more common than I anticipated, for sure.

Speaker 2 12:00

Yeah, that's so unfortunate, it was wild. And then how many of those people are actually telling their spouses?

Speaker 1 12:04

We have a lot of listeners who feel the pain of that None of them Excuse me.

Speaker 2 12:12

That's something that I have come to learn a lot about through the Conscious Couples podcast and working with Emilia and just understanding what women go through. Just from coaching so many different women, I think probably 80 or 70, probably 70% of my clientele are women and that's definitely a thing where these guys put on this show with other guys, yeah, and when they're home. I remember when I worked in corporate there's a couple I'll keep it all anonymous, but I remember thinking they act so macho around me and they, they do these things, they say these things. They're they're talking about you know, this girl in the office who's hot and all that kind of it's like aren't you married with kids? I used to think that, and I wasn't married, so of course, I would think that girl in the office is also hot. So I'm involved in this conversation to an extent, but I always thought it was a little like when I'm your age, I'm not going to be like this.

Speaker 2 13:10

I used to think that to myself, you're like a 40-year-old man. Why are you checking her out? And, by the way, she's way out of your league and your wife must be miserable. I used to think that Either that or you're putting on a hell of a show for me or for her Right.

Speaker 1 13:27

And so again it's one of the reasons I always, I've always struggled with having large groups of male friends is because I don't like to do that. I've never, ever, ever, ever liked to do that. I don't like. I don't like that type of conversation. It's just not for me. It's different between saying, hey, do you see that person over there? She's beautiful, she has beautiful eyes. That's different. You could say that I'm okay with that. It's just like I'm sure Taryn would be okay if I said that, Just like I would be okay if she said that's a handsome man over there. Whatever, that doesn't bother me. But whatever that doesn't bother me. But I think there's difference in the energy with how you say it. Yeah, and it's that. It's like that egotistical.

Speaker 1 14:10

Like oh yeah, she's super hot. What do you think that would be like?

Speaker 2 14:13

It's like no, get out of here with that shit.

Speaker 1 14:14

What are we doing here?

Speaker 2 14:15

Yeah, what are we?

Speaker 1 14:16

doing here, but there was a lot of that. There was a lot of that with some it isn't.

Speaker 2 14:28

It isn't less. And I think the interesting thing too about and again, just speaking from man's perspective, I think guys think that's what you want they think that that's like what's cool.

Speaker 2 14:40

And then we talked about the super bad thing. It's like obviously the mass media also increases that because it is funny at times and Superbad is a funny movie, but it's also got that level of toxic to it. And so, as I mature, I'm grateful, dude, because I remember back then I was in my early 20's, there were some meetings. I remember I worked at a company called iRobot and they do the Roomba and I actually was the. I was doing tests with the Roomba. I and I actually was the. I was doing tests with the Roomba. I used to have to set up these test sites and compare to the Sony and compare to the all the different I think it was Samsung, not Sony compare to all the different competitors and the Roomba is the best, by the way. So if you're going to buy a robotic vacuum, the Roomba I'm not kidding it actually is the best. The marketing, most marketing, is like we have the best robot. I'm telling, telling you, I've done the tests. The room actually is the best robot. We have one actually, which is great, uh, which I got out of the marketing closet, thank you, they gave it to me. They said clean out the marketing closet, so I did, but anyways. So, uh, what was my point of all that? Oh, I was working at iRobot and I remember I had this one meeting that I was like 22, 21 or something and iRobot is a billion dollar evaluated robotics company. So this is very no, 21 year old is supposed to be in these meetings and I was very grateful.

Speaker 2 16:01

I'm sitting there taking notes, taking it all in, and I remember some of these guys and it would be oh, you're supposed to be like a mature professional. Why are you acting like such a dingo? And I remember thinking too like. You don't sound that smart to me and I think that's a unique to me thing, maybe, but there was always that. When I'm your age, I'm not gonna be like that. I always had that. When I'm your age, I'm not gonna be to be like that. I always had that. When I'm your age, I'm not going to be like that. You seem miserable to me. You seem like and again, a lot of the men there in particular and I don't mean to pick on men, but I'm going to talk about this they seemed more comfortable at work than at home. It's almost like at home their wife was the boss. At work, they're the boss, and there's this weird thing going on where you're acting macho at work but you're actually kind of not that macho in life.

Speaker 1 17:04

You know what I mean. I told you this the other day. I saw a post on I don't know who it was. It was a couple that has a coaching business that's based on having a great relationship, much like you and Amelia do, and it was a post about how it was like how to communicate when you know times are going to get stressful, or something like that. And the video was pretty much hey, it was a husband and wife and the husband went to the wife and said, hey, babe, just so you know, I just found out yesterday that there's this really important deadline coming up and it's this Friday. I'm probably going to be relatively unavailable this week, not just physically, but potentially emotionally and mentally. I might not be here, I might be in my head for the entire week and she was like great, great communication and she said thank you so much for letting me know.

Speaker 1 17:54

Is there anything I can do to support you in this time? Awesome. And one of the top comments was nobody would ever talk to their partner this way. This is not realistic and nobody would ever talk to their partner this way.

Speaker 2 18:04

That is exactly what I I said to Emilia before Next Level Live.

Speaker 1 18:08

That was like exactly the conversation, the exact the words, not the. Nobody would ever say this to their partner.

Speaker 2 18:13

Yeah, the words, the communication, the hey. This next month is going to suck. I'm going to be way less present.

Speaker 1 18:19

Yeah, and I think the perspective of that for someone to say nobody would ever have a conversation like that it was almost like they were making it wrong to have those types of conversations.

Speaker 2 18:30

Yeah.

Speaker 1 18:31

And I'm 99.9% sure it was a man who commented on that yeah, You're. I can't imagine you're going to be in a very successful relationship.

Speaker 2 18:40

From your perspective. Now, why do you think that is? Why do you? Because it's easier to poke fun at something than to actually put in the work to become it.

Speaker 1 18:48

I think it's easy to negate something. It seems cool. It seems cool to say, ah, that's stupid, that's dumb. It seems cool. It seems like, ah, I don't care about that type it's that. I just think it's a lack of awareness. It's uh, you ever you knew kids growing up that didn't wear seatbelts. It's like it's not cool to wear a seatbelt.

Speaker 2 19:14

I know that's kind of the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Speaker 1 19:17

I was never really that, because to me it was like I think it's cooler to not pass away in a car accident if I have my seatbelt on, like I'd rather have my seatbelt on.

Speaker 2 19:27

Yeah.

Speaker 1 19:28

I live in New Hampshire. You don't have to wear seatbelts. You don't have to wear a seatbelt in New Hampshire. You don't have to wear a helmet on a motorcycle. If I was ever to get a motorcycle which I don't think I will I would wear a helmet for sure, of course, because why? Not I'm already risking it. I'm already risking it. I think it's the try-hard thing.

Speaker 1 19:52

It's the try-hard thing of like. I told you this at the very beginning, when you and Emilia started the Conscious Couples podcast, I said you're going to get a lot of hate, just so you know. You're going to get a lot of people that and again, it might not be verbal, you might not see it, but there's going to be people who villainize you. I've seen it. Unfortunately, there's going to be people who villainize you for the amount of effort you put into your relationship. Because how dare you put that level of effort into your relationship? There's a thing with that. Just like, how dare you go to the gym every day? Like how dare you put that level of effort into exercise? How dare you do a podcast episode every day? How dare you put that level of effort into your business or your craft? I just think it's one of those things where, when someone isn't doing it, it's easier to make fun of you for really, really really doing it.

Speaker 2 20:40

Unfortunately, I remember when I was young sorry to interrupt you I remember I was kind of a sore loser for a phase, and when I would lose at video games, I would say I wasn't really trying, right, and first of all, yes, and that actually was fairly true, because I wasn't trying that hard, let's be honest. But why not? Why Is that just an excuse because you lost? I think it was more of both. It was more of both. It was more of both. And was I like fully focused the whole time or was I being playful and playing around? Really, what I should have said this is this is the mature version of what I was trying to say back then, but I was too immature to do it. I wasn't playing super competitively, I was relaxing and having fun and running around knifing everybody in in Call of Duty or whatever it is, so you can take it easy, yeah yeah, in the video game, uh, and in this case it was Halo, so I wasn't really playing super competitively as if it was a competition.

Speaker 2 21:44

I was kind of being playful and having fun and relaxing.

Speaker 1 21:47

That would have been a mature version of saying it instead of oh well, I wasn't even trying, it's kind of some people that they lose and they are trying hard and they just say I'm not trying hard, yeah, because that lessens the blow Understandably. I'm sure I've been there and it all comes from this insecurity.

Speaker 2 22:02

I think all of it, dude, I do. I think most macho BS, like you can tell, most macho stuff, comes from insecurity and I think that when you're when, when you're comfortable with who you are behind the scenes, you don't need to do that as much. It doesn't mean you don't get angry, it doesn't mean you don't get frustrated, it doesn't mean you don't ego up every now and then and be like, but you just don't have to worry a ton about it, you're not super concerned. We all know when we get into a bathing suit you can tell, because I've been ridiculously out of shape. I've been extremely, extremely photo shoot ready in shape eight pack and I've been out of shape again. So I've been on every side of this spectrum. I was no natural bodybuilding specimen. This spectrum, I was no natural bodybuilding specimen.

Speaker 2 22:54

And I'm telling you, when I take off my shirt now, there is that moment of oh, I'm not like as ripped as I used to be. Yeah, but even when I was really ripped I still had a little bit of that. There's still a little bit of insecurity. And then when you look back on the videos or the photos, it's like why was I insecure about anything, I mean holy crap, right, but again, it's all. I think that that's the way life works. Everyone out there, if you're really honest with yourselves, you are insecure in a bathing suit. Everyone is to some extent Okay. To some extent. The percentage is bigger or smaller depending on your mental state, emotional state, physical, physique. So there are times, kev, where you would have loved to be in a bathing suit because you were in great shape. I remember we played bags one time and you might not have taken a breath the whole time. The dude was ripped just eight packs.

Speaker 1 23:46

That wasn't my. I was never insecure. When I was in really good shape, I was not insecure at all.

Speaker 2 23:51

Zero percent. What is the percent now?

Speaker 1 23:55

a lot more than zero. Uh, but that's just it. Well, I just wanted to throw it out there because I don't know if that's everybody's experience.

Speaker 2 24:04

I don't know it's not Kev, it's not that's, that's a you thing. No one, no one rips their shirt off. Not insecure at all.

Speaker 1 24:13

Dude, no one, I was also I mean they pretend to I was wildly insecure in other aspects of my life, but not with my body. I'm not saying I was not insecure. Trust me, I was the most insecure. That's why I was doing the thing I had the most significance in. I don't know. Now it's probably like I don't know. Now it's probably like I don't. 25 right now, probably higher than that, like 40, and even that's lower than most.

Speaker 2 24:35

You work out consistently for 16 years, like that's something that I always pick up on. When I'm in public, I can always tell how insecure someone is with their physique. That's just something I've always picked up on. I used to be so insecure with my physique and then I became a fitness model and all that and I I became less insecure and now I've gotten some of that insecurity back, but it's it's here's my point of the whole thing.

Speaker 2 24:57

It's what do you do with that insecurity? Do you let it in and feel it and then stay centered, or do you ego up and pretend it's not there? Yeah, the ego up and pretend it's not there, I'm convinced, is why try hards get attacked. It's like you're insecure, that you're not hard working, so it's easier to poke fun at that person who's trying than it is to actually face the fact that you're actually kind of lazy. And I'm just convinced that that if you can overcome that thing, feel the insecurityize that it's real, try to feel it, let it in, be vulnerable and centered, I'm telling you, let the humble pie in. You can always grow from that place. It's so ironic. The person who's willing to face the most hard truth is the one who ends up in shape. I was watching a Greg Plitt video yesterday. The dude was in such insane shape, man.

Speaker 2 25:56

I know we gotta jump. He passed away when he was 36. He's a motivational speaker and he's a fitness guy and he's very motivating in the gym. I'll give it that. The rest of his character I'm not convinced is anything positive, but he's extremely motivating and he's in unbelievable shape.

Speaker 2 26:14

And he was talking about his measurements. He was talking about measuring. Like he said, take a picture of yourself, put it on the mirror and then, on the backside of the picture, write down your measurements. Remember you and I have taken measurements when we did a shoot together Okay, so bicep, waist, all this and he said and say that person's gone, now I'm going to go into the future. And then, a month down the road, take another picture and then do your measurements again. And then take another picture, do your measurements again. That feedback. It's almost like if you can face the insecurity of being out of shape, you'll end up in shape. If you can face the insecurity of not being a strong speaker, you'll end up a strong speaker. If you can face the insecurity of being emotionally immature, you'll end up emotionally mature. It's this paradoxical thing that hopefully is helpful for everyone.

Speaker 1 26:58

Well, we talked about that a little bit yesterday. When you go to the gym to get strong, you realize how strong you are not, and then you have the opportunity to. You just got to keep going, though. If you stop going, then if you, you decide I don't feel like I'm super strong and I want to make sure I can take care of my kids. Right, I just had kids. I want to make sure I can, I can bring them up the stairs, whatever. Whatever it is, whatever the scenario is, I don't have kids, so I don't know what that's like. But you go and then you realize, wow, like me, in the run, I'm way less in shape than I thought for this thing. If that stops you from going back, it's not going to get better, it's going to get worse.

Speaker 2 27:39

Well, when you felt that insecurity, that feedback, what did you do with it?

Speaker 1 27:45

That's the make or break moment man, I said I obviously need to run more. I'm going to go for a run today. Today, I'm going to go for a run. It was that. It was just okay. This is where we are. That's it. It was right, wrong, indifferent, good, bad, great, better than or worse than expected. This is the truth of where we're currently at, and let's just sit with that. I'm not happy about it. But's the other. What do I do? I just have to get better at it, that's all. Of course, I'm not good at. I haven't run in years. I couldn't tell you. I went for a one run earlier this year, just to like see how things were flowing. Before that I could not tell you. The last time I intentionally went for a run.

Speaker 2 28:29

It was probably when you and I did the six minute mile all those years ago.

Speaker 1 28:32

And that was in like 2019. So I haven't run intentionally for five years. Why do I think I'm just going to get going and it's going to be fine? It's not, most likely. I went on a podcast, I went on two podcasts or three podcasts this week and I haven't been going on other shows. I noticed a difference for sure. I had a moment where I said, oh my goodness, I'm not as good as I was before.

Speaker 2 28:58

I had that moment.

Speaker 1 28:59

Yeah, it was weird. It was weird, but same thing. I was going on 15 shows a week and now I haven't gone on shows in a couple months. Of course I'm not going to be the same level of articulate or storytelling or whatever. I think that's an important thing to understand.

Speaker 2 29:16

This is why coaching is so valuable. I know we've got to jump.

Speaker 1 29:19

We're going to have to do our other episode another time, I think. So if we want to go a little longer, we can.

Speaker 2 29:24

Okay, Okay cool.

Speaker 1 29:25

Yeah, I little longer we can okay, it's not the end.

Speaker 2 29:26

Okay, cool, yeah, I think that's good, all right. So this is something that came up for me. This is one of the reasons why coaching is so valuable. If you can find a humble coach who's ahead of you in a given thing, they know where you're at because they've been where you are. It's the whole black belt, blue belt thing. So when you were going on 15, 20 shows a week, you would come to me and say I can tell you haven't told your story in a while. You weren't trying to be a dick, you just knew that you were ahead of me and you knew what was making the difference yeah I remember we had coach michael burt on our show.

Speaker 2 29:57

This was years and years and years ago and I I respect coaches, the coach coaches. That's good branding for him, that I respect michael burt's work. I respect his work. I love his clips on Instagram. He's the one person that, when I see his clips, I never miss. I need to hear it. It's great, so, and I think he's very centered too. He's hardcore, but he's centered. It doesn't seem like a lot of ego, it's good, but anyways.

Speaker 2 30:21

So when we had him on our show, we asked him as young, naive, early coaches, we want to know why to hire a coach. I think I asked this question. You were probably too scared to maybe look dumb. I asked the dumbest questions. It was great. One of the cool parts about our show early on is we built a lot of credibility with really incredible people because I was willing to ask the quote unquote dumb question that everyone else is scared to ask, because the quote unquote dumb questions are actually where the gold is. And so, anyways, the quote unquote dumb question that I asked was why would I hire a coach? Not from a place of, I'm presupposing I don't want one. I'm saying convince me. I want to be convinced of what the value is. He says I know it sounds silly, but I know how to do it and you don't, because I've done it.

Speaker 1 31:16

And.

Speaker 2 31:16

I was like how profound is that? It's literally like I know how to do it because I've already done it. You don't know how to do it because you've never done it. Let me teach you how to do it. And and it goes deeper than that because, as someone who's ahead, you can tell where the other person is. When you were going on less shows than me or more shows than me, you could tell I was behind and you didn't want to offend me, but you did want me to know so I could improve. When I'm going on more shows than you, I could tell the difference. When I work with Emilia, I can tell the difference In business. We're just ahead.

Speaker 2 32:01

Something happened yesterday that was new for her, not new for me, in in business. Something happened in both of our businesses yesterday. She's never experienced that before. To the extent that I have and I've experienced it 15, 20 times my reaction, her reaction, were so different and it was so cool because it was like I remember I used to react that too. That way too. It's like don't worry about it, it's all good, this is going to keep happening, just here's what you do and we it. And she did what I used to do, which is overcorrect, and try to, and I just just just nip it in the bud. It's move forward, it's not a big deal.

Speaker 2 32:36

Anyways, the the the value of all of that is these, these people, if they're humble and if they're honest and if they're candid about how they got there, because a lot of people got there and don't actually know how they got there. So, if they actually have a strategy and a method that works because they've done it and that will also work with you, because some people it won't work. Like I can say, I can tell you my strategy on how to run a six minute mile, but it's not going to work because I'm six, two and you're five, five and so that doesn't translate. But I can give you a strategy on run a mile a day for for 14 days, then try a mile and a half, then go from a mile and a half to two.

Speaker 2 33:14

Here's what you hydrate, here's how you drink. Here's the macros you gotta carb up. Make sure you've got your car so I can give you the strategy. It's not going to be apples to apples, because kevin's a different physique than me, but it can be super valuable and and I know where you're at, more jacked. I would say more jacked. Yeah, that's fair Nice, I accept that.

Speaker 1 33:33

I accept that.

Speaker 1 33:35

All right, anything else we want to talk about before we pop on out of here? Oh, quick question. And again, let's not run it too too long, because I don't want this to be too long of an episode. How much, how much, I don't want to phrase this. Okay, the other thing I noticed about when I was going on so many other podcasts is the external feedback actually helped character kev, not just confidence but not just confidence and competence, but character deep level ke. I went on a show the other day you went on the same show, I believe.

Speaker 2 34:10

Yeah, shout out to.

Speaker 1 34:11

Sarah. Sarah had so many wonderful things to say about me. She was so kind and it was amazing and I felt so good. I left that interview saying, wow, I'm awesome, I'm like a really good person. Yeah, obviously that's dangerous because you can take that too far. But that's another because you can take that too far. But that's another topic and maybe that's a deeper conversation how much the external world can impact internal. But you can't be fully dependent on that, because if you're fully dependent on it, it doesn't. It's a dangerous game to play. I think it's a really good supplement. It can be supplemental, but not the main course yeah, any thoughts on that?

Speaker 2 34:50

the thought would be kev sarah happens to be very honest, very humble, and it was a wonderful interview and it she's a wonderful person like that's very clear at this stage and and we're saying that based on meeting people from all over the world, thousands of people the problem with allowing external feedback to dictate how you view yourself is that, let's say, she wasn't a wonderful person and she was actually deeply insecure and how amazing you were actually triggered her insecurity and she felt like she had to lash out and put you down.

Speaker 1 35:22

Instead, I'll pretend I didn't hear it what would that do to your self-worth and your self-concept?

Speaker 2 35:28

Yeah, probably, and so that's unfortunately what happens when you start getting really that much better than people is that you trigger their insecurities and if they're not emotionally intelligent, like Sarah is, they might allow that insecurity to create ego and lasho. And then you that's why I think my character confidence was so low, partially because I was not proud of myself and some of the choices I made. But the rest of it, a lot of it was I triggered insecurities of ego, macho-driven men who then lashed out at me, and not just men, but actually just people in general. And so you got to be real careful about external validation and I agree it needs to be a supplement, not a. It needs to be a data point and to be a supplement, not a, it needs to be a data point and you need to understand where it's coming from and why.

Speaker 1 36:11

Before you can kind of let it in Agree with that, all right, if you have not yet joined Next Level Nation and you're looking for a group of like-minded humans who are into self-improvement, into growth, into positive stuff, link will be in the show notes and we also have a meetup on what date, you know these things May 2nd May 2nd.

Speaker 1 36:31

It is how to level up your money. Our meetups are kind of like a deeper dive podcast episode, where we have a presentation that we do in Canva. We really put a lot of time, energy, effort and focus into making them as valuable as possible, but they're one of the few things that we do that's completely private, so it's not recorded. We go deeper in these things, not super, super deep. You don't have anything to be afraid of. But it's a good opportunity to go deeper and if you've never done coaching, it's a good introduction to what something like that might look like. We'll have the link in the show notes 6 pm on May 2nd, tomorrow for episode number. I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 37:09

I'm all over the place 1,685.

Speaker 1 37:12

You hear people talk about empowerment a lot. You want to be empowered. What is empowerment, what actually is empowerment? Because there's a fine line between being empowered and being ego-driven or arrogant and humble and humility. Where does that all play in? So we'll talk about that tomorrow. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2 37:36

Stay the real. You Next Level Nation.