Next Level University

#1367 - Why You’re Not Building Self Belief

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Why is it so challenging for many of us to own our successes and achievements? In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros discuss the journey of self-assigning our achievements, exploring the differences between external validation and internal validation, and learning to trust our intuition and measure ourselves against our personal standards. They talk about the three-step process of developing self-belief, a trait that is an important indicator of future success. They discuss the power of identity and how our experiences can shape it. By acknowledging our achievements and learning from our past adversities, we can build a strong foundation of self-belief and a better understanding of our identity. 

Links mentioned:
Next Level Monthly Meetup #19: "3 Things Everyone Should Know About Their Intimate Partner" on July 6, 2023, 06:00 PM EST - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/   
To learn more about group coaching: https://nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/ 

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Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

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Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

Email 💬
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Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

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Show notes:
[2:22] He wasn't taking ownership when he was doing good
[10:45] The three things that build self-belief
[13:37] State, prove, self-assign
[15:49] Why people don’t self-assign
[17:11] Chad shares how Next Level Podcast Solutions transformed his podcast and provided invaluable assistance along the way
[20:28] Recent relevant proof
[26:22] Don't just chalk it up to luck
[38:03] Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

Hold on now, give us a sec. All right, ready, here we go. Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level University, where we teach you how to level up your life, your love, your health in your will. Alan is making me giggle. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode. It was episode number 1366. The 2d's of Consistency today for episode number 1367 why you're not building self belief?

Speaker 1:

I Was a really good baseball player when I was younger, but I never really felt like it. I never felt confident when I walked up to the plates. I never really felt confident in the field, even though I I remember making some really, really, really world-class plays. I remember Alan. So this is what used to happen I was the leadoff hitter. So for those who might not know baseball people in other countries, people just don't know baseball leadoff hitter, you bat first. Okay, usually the person who bats first is somebody who is fast and gets a lot of hits, because if you get on base, you can run. You're gonna be the first one on awesome. So what would usually happen is I would get on base, i Would steal for a steel second, i would steal third and then usually I'd end up scoring at some point. That usually happened and I was really. I was just really good.

Speaker 1:

I was really good at baseball. I was really good in the field. I remember one time this was I think this was in high school I think we were playing a game and I was on first base. Somebody hit into the outfield. I ran around second base, around third base and then I jumped over the catcher, i did a front flip and landed like on my back on home plate and I was safe. It was a world-class play. It's world-class and of course I would do that.

Speaker 1:

But I never felt it was reckless. Of course That was nothing. I was way more reckless than that, but I never. I never felt Confident. I would. I would recognize myself doing these things, but it never connected to like the reason you're capable of doing what you're doing is because you're a really good baseball player. It never landed for me when I was up to the plate I've you've heard me say this many times I just felt like I got lucky more often than everybody else. I never really connected with the fact that I'm a good hitter. I felt like when I made good plays was like, yeah, i got lucky, you know, and it worked. It worked nicely. The interesting thing is, when I made bad plays, i was like, oh, i'm the worst, yeah, that's, that's my fault, i am the worst. The thing that I wasn't doing is I wasn't Taking ownership. I wasn't self-assigning the fact that, kev, you batted 400, which means you got Four hits every time. You went up to the plate ten times, which is a really, really, really good batting average.

Speaker 2:

You never self-assigned that to yourself as a hall of fame for the MLB.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah and again, i was playing in not I was playing in leagues that definitely weren't the MLB. But yes, as a as a suggestion, if you're batting 400, you are One of, if not the best, players in the league, and if you do that for your career, you're one of the best, if not the best, players to ever do it. So it was, i was pretty good. I was, i was a pretty good baseball player, but I never gave myself credit. Even that is crap.

Speaker 1:

You were Baseball player I was, yeah, but I compared to you know, like Matt was better than I. There was definitely people I knew that were better than I was. What percentage?

Speaker 2:

So what were you? top 1%? Yeah, I would say so Okay, then that's really good.

Speaker 1:

Yes, that's fair.

Speaker 2:

But even that, even even now take the ownership.

Speaker 1:

Well it's it's different because I never self-assigned it, so it's really hard to self-assign What it's it's hard to do it in In retrospect, in retroactively.

Speaker 2:

Why you don't want to self-assign? that sure is it? because fear of not wanting to appear arrogant.

Speaker 1:

I think it's just. I'm so disconnected from what it used to be like that I don't Remember it anymore. I don't remember.

Speaker 2:

Is there anything from your childhood that you have self-assigned as you were awesome like that you can honestly share with us?

Speaker 1:

I, yeah, i was very, very, very athletic, like I taught myself how to do back flips. I Was a very, very athletic human being who was just. I knew You and I were talking about this We're talking about like intuition and I said you know You ever do stuff on the trampoline and you just know how your body moves. You know if you throw it a certain way. We used to do like back flips off of rocks into leave piles And I used to do back flips off the monkey bars and all types of stuff. So yeah, i was a very athletic child, all right.

Speaker 2:

Why is that so easy to self-assign, but yet the baseball thing is not.

Speaker 1:

Because I don't know if there's any measure Against it. So, being athletic, it's me against me. Number one, it's not competitive Number two, and there's there's not a lot of like formal tests for it.

Speaker 2:

So interesting. There's not a lot of formal tests for a lot of things.

Speaker 1:

So there is for baseball, right, there is for baseball. It's almost like me self-assigned?

Speaker 2:

No, but that wouldn't make sense because you're getting all the credibility External validation from baseball Yeah, but that's the interesting, Yeah the interesting thing is the the external credibility Does not matter unless you believe it.

Speaker 1:

So the point of this episode. Real quick. Just let me make sure this lands the point of this episode. We're talking about Self-assigning, so giving yourself the credit that you deserve based on the fact that you did something really positive. Right, i was not. I was not doing, i just want to make sure I got that out Why?

Speaker 1:

Because I never. Okay, think of it this way. My mom made me play baseball when I was nine And I didn't want to play. I want to play soccer and I was really good at soccer. I was better at soccer than I was at baseball. But my mom's like, well, you should really play baseball. And I remember like crying and saying I'm not playing baseball. But I end up playing baseball and the first, the first year, i ended up making the all-star team and that was the first time I ever played baseball. I, this isn't something like I wanted to do. I played, i made the all-star team and then I made every single all-star team from then on Little League all three years. What does that mean?

Speaker 2:

Just statistically, so that the listeners can understand for people who don't know baseball You're one of the top Depends on the all-star team. I mean, when you're younger it's like Who do the coaches vote?

Speaker 1:

the coaches vote for like the best player on each team, so that usually the best player from each team went to the all-star team. One or two, one or two, not just one, depends. Depends on the league too, and in Little League, who knows, who knows? You know, i don't know. I maybe my mom paid off one of the coaches, i don't know It could have been it could have been anything But.

Speaker 2:

I do know I got.

Speaker 1:

There was a couple like travel teams. I got scouted for I was in your play on another team. A couple, a couple threats.

Speaker 2:

It's very, it's very possible. It's very possible, it's very possible. I'm good.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but I ended up yeah, i pretty much made the all-star team Every single year and then high school. It's a little bit different, but I was all like I was in the paper Fairly often for you know, batting average or getting hit, certain been at whatever being successful, like that was. I have my grandmother made me a book with like all the cutouts of all the stuff, all the articles. It's awesome, but I never gave myself credit.

Speaker 1:

Okay you didn't answer me. Why, well, you took me off the rails, you, son of a, b, why, i don't know, Because I don't think I chose in advance to be good at it.

Speaker 2:

Okay, but you think with soccer you would have self assigned.

Speaker 1:

I think so.

Speaker 2:

You know what I've realized? This is such an interesting thing. I don't want to go down this rabbit hole too much You will, you will.

Speaker 2:

Here's the thing I coach. I've coached a surprising amount of baseball players. Dude, i'm telling you there is a correlation with fear of failure. Baseball is all about don't make errors and don't strike out. Dude, i'm telling you There's a correlation of people's. their fear of making errors and making mistakes is higher. Baseball players have a high fear of making mistakes and errors. Dude, that's got to be conditioning, that's. it makes sense.

Speaker 1:

It makes sense Probably. yeah, i mean, if you asked me today, what am I? I'm a really good driver. I feel like we were talking about. we were talking about cars that drive themselves.

Speaker 2:

So why are you self assigning that but not baseball? You didn't decide to be a great driver.

Speaker 1:

I don't know. I kind of did consciously Okay, because I know I'm in control.

Speaker 2:

But baseball same deal.

Speaker 1:

It's the exact same concept.

Speaker 2:

But I didn't feel in control. Oh, i didn't feel in control. So, for the listeners, this is the the triangle that I believe will change everything, if you really understand it. Because Kevin and I have been talking for six years now trying to figure out what makes the difference in people's lives, what. What makes one person have a, have a sibling, and they both have the same childhood maybe abusive childhood And one ends up world class and the other one ends up struggle, bus. And that's not uncommon, by the way, that's like common, like what makes the difference?

Speaker 2:

Self belief is the number one, most important indicator of future success, i believe, as long as it's true self belief and it's built and it's not ego. And we'll get into that. Self belief is built if and only when these three things are present. I think this is my current thesis, my current hypothesis. Number one is state, not state like the state you're in, but like stating that you're going to do something. So I, kevin, paul, mary, am going to do a back flip And you decide in advance to do it. Kevin, you remember that court case you and I did in high school.

Speaker 1:

Why are you going to, why are you going to shovel up old stuff? I got him, man, I got him.

Speaker 2:

So Kevin and I were in law class together. Alan's still salty about this, by the way.

Speaker 1:

If Alan won this court case, we might not know Alan Lazarus the way we do today. So I actually altered time in the best way possible, of course, altered history.

Speaker 2:

Kevin was on the jury And his best friend now, i realize, and someone he lived with at the time, i think.

Speaker 2:

Was the alternate, the other lawyer in this court case, and I promised there's a point to all this, so bear with me. In this court case mock court case I dressed to the nines, i'm in a suit And the client that I represent that I'm defending is a woman who had done some drugs during pregnancy And she was being accused of first degree murder, which means she decided I'm going to kill my kid, not true?

Speaker 2:

She ended up being convicted of first degree murder Because this jury was being led by a popular kid named Kevin, who doesn't think he was popular, but anyways. So the opposite of first degree murder, or the difference between manslaughter and first degree murder, is manslaughter. Is what she really should have gotten, which is I didn't mean to kill my kid, I was negligent. I just did drugs while pregnant, which you know you're not supposed to do, so it's manslaughter. She didn't try to kill her child. So, anyways, state is the first step. You have to premeditate it. You have to decide in advance I'm going to get good at baseball. Or decide in advance I'm going to be a great podcaster, or decide in advance I'm going to do a backflip, whatever. So state, state's number one. Number two is prove it, meaning do whatever it takes to actually prove to yourself that you can do what you said you were going to do. So I'm going to do a backflip, and then you have to go prove that you're eventually going to do it, even if you fail along the way, if you eventually lock in and prove that you can do it. That's step two. Step three is the most critical, and I realize now that not everyone's doing it. I was on the phone recently. This person is so extraordinary And she sees herself as so ordinary. She's like there's nothing extraordinary about me. And I'm telling you, i'm certain that's not true. I can name the things you're extraordinary at. What does extraordinary mean? Above average? You are more consistent than anyone have ever met. That is extraordinary. But she doesn't self assign it. So again, state, prove, self assign. Self assign is the third step. So Kevin says I'm going to do a backflip, goes and tries, fails a couple of times, eventually does a backflip. Once he does the backflip, does he unconsciously self assign it? Does he go see? I told you I could do it. That's me, i did that. I'm awesome. Now that sounds arrogant, but inside of our own mind that has to happen.

Speaker 2:

One of the things that I'm very, very grateful for in hindsight is that I did a lot of stating, improving and self-assigning. I decided to get great at math. I decided to go to WPI, i decided to start a podcast. I decided to be successful. I remember being really poor when my stepdad left our family and I decided to be wealthy. I remember making the choice. I said I'm gonna do whatever it takes to be wealthy, and that took me off the rails when it comes to certain things. You know, i lost who. I was in pursuit of that and now I'm more aligned with my core values and I started personal development, all that stuff.

Speaker 2:

But the point is, the self-assigning thing was never an issue for me And this is the thing that I'm gonna share, even though I'm very, very scared to share it. I got here because of me. Statistically speaking, the people who grow up in an environment that I grew up in, they do not make it here. Statistically speaking, this is an anomaly, but it's because I decided to make it here And I do self-assign that I mean no one else did it right Now. I had certain mentors, i had certain teachers, i had certain advantages. I grew up in a free country. I get it okay, i do. But I decided to become successful. I decided to be an entrepreneur, i decided to go to WPI, i decided to get great grades in school, so it was all state-proof of self-assign. So here I am and I have a lot of self-belief. But I want that for everyone.

Speaker 1:

I don't wanna keep it all to myself.

Speaker 2:

I want everyone to have self-belief. I think more people having self-belief would change the world, and so hopefully our listeners are able to self-assign. Last piece, i figured out why this person isn't self-assigning And she's like listen in real time. I'm like I don't know the answer. I said try you might know. She said okay, so maybe the reason I'm not self-assigning is because when I put when I self-assigned yeah, that was me and I decided to do that when the outcome is bad, or when I get judged, what does that mean about me? In other words, if she just well, i guess I just got lucky If she doesn't own the work, own the result, own the blog, own the YouTube video, whatever it is, then she doesn't have to get criticized.

Speaker 2:

So it's separate from her. If you don't own it, you don't have to fail. You don't have to be a failure. Whereas think about this, kev if I didn't get to where I am today, i would be a failure genuinely in my own mind, because I decided to get here and didn't, so I would consider myself a failure genuinely. I've told you that I've failed at so many things in my life. I am a massive failure in so many ways, but I'm also very successful And I hold that duality, so I hope that our listeners can do the same.

Speaker 1:

I think there's an aspect of control when it comes to belief, though, too, i think there's an aspect of. I know I can handle my own in this situation. I think there's a piece of that that it's almost like, but again, i guess that's the question. Does it come from belief first?

Speaker 2:

You have to prove that you can handle yourself.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but sometimes you prove it from just doing the reps before you believe it. One of the reasons I'm a good driver is because I got a job that forced me to drive six hours every week. I drove through New York City and I drove to.

Speaker 2:

I drove. What are you doing if you're not state-proved assigned? What's the formula you're running Prior to six years ago?

Speaker 1:

Get results I don't know get results and then something leaks into your identity. Hopefully, hopefully. I don't know, i really don't know. I mean I've always been a really like, a really good driver I'm very conscious of. I don't, i'm not. I look, i see brake lights a mile ahead. I'm always looking to see where people merge. My eyes are all over the place when I'm driving, but I don't know if that's just because I've. I mean just for context, for the listeners, i used to drive six hours Sunday afternoon. I would drive from Massachusetts to New Jersey, from Massachusetts to New Jersey.

Speaker 2:

Did you think you were a good driver before that? Like when did you decide I'm a great driver? You know what I mean? It's just interesting. This is all identity stuff.

Speaker 1:

So for our listeners.

Speaker 2:

I want you thinking about your own identity here, like are you consistent? Are you amazing? Are you smart? Like when did you decide that You gotta?

Speaker 1:

reflect on this. I think when you start to feel like you can control it is when you start to self-assign it.

Speaker 2:

You can't get to the place where you can control it until you practice it.

Speaker 1:

Well, I know, but I think Which you won't do if you don't believe in yourself. Well, it depends on what it is. Some of us have to do stuff every day that we don't necessarily design. going back to our previous episode, It's like you know, I didn't want to drive, I just had to. I didn't want to drive the trailer. I remember ride drill. we had a big, we had these big vans and we had this big trailer.

Speaker 2:

Did you think you could do it before you did it?

Speaker 1:

Yes, but only because I had driven a truck before.

Speaker 2:

So I So it's almost like you're forced to do something you don't believe you can do and then later on you eventually realize that you can do it.

Speaker 1:

So it's almost like you get yeah, you get a level of proof and then you can build on the proof recent, relevant. That's how I've done it I look at the most recent and relevant proof of whether or not I can do something.

Speaker 2:

So when you said that it took you 160 podcast episodes to feel like a podcaster, that never lands for me whatsoever Understandable. But I want to understand why. Why it doesn't land for you. Why 160 episodes? All of a sudden it's just like I'm a podcaster now.

Speaker 1:

I just finally felt confident as a podcaster. I think I'm comparing a lot to other people. I think that's part of it. Because, I don't-.

Speaker 2:

Who was a podcaster before you?

Speaker 1:

I was probably. I mean our friend circle at that point was a lot of podcasters. You know we're hanging out with Mark Metri a lot back then. I think that early.

Speaker 2:

Now you do realize that he also wasn't that confident, right? Yeah, yeah, that's fair And compare like who's more confident in podcasting? now, probably me.

Speaker 1:

I'm like more reps, more coaching. Yeah, it makes sense. But again, that's the interesting thing, i didn't decide. I didn't decide to get confident, i just kept doing it. That's really. And again, i think I'm probably different in that I don't think that's the usual way, but for me, alan, this is the best analogy or, i guess, the best story for this. So I was making $15 an hour doing home renovations with one of the guys, big Z, big tattooed metal singing guy, the scariest human you'll ever see in your life, but maybe the nicest person on the planet, great dude. He used to have me over for breakfast all the time. He's a great guy. I worked with him renovating houses, graduate the fire academy. I'm all out of money. There's no more houses to renovate. I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Speaker 1:

I ended up getting this job in this weatherization industry. I met my boss for a job interview And he's like hey, you got a really great personality, you're gonna fit in here. We'll be leaving in like a couple of weeks, awesome. I get a call from my boss. He's ready to go. We're going to Delaware. We live in Massachusetts at the time. Delaware is like an eight hour ride. I get into a vehicle with my boss, who I've met one time. I drive with him. Imagine how awkward this is An eight hour drive with a man you just met to move into a house with a bunch of strangers I didn't know to do a job that I had never done before, making $50 an hour.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker 1:

Why did you do that? I wanted to be successful son.

Speaker 2:

That was it. No, I think you didn't want to be a failure.

Speaker 1:

No, no, for me it was the money. I remember when I went to like a it was kind of like a trade class for this And we got to the end and the lady who brought me in I was up in her office doing kind of the exit interview And she's like yeah, we have a really good opportunity for you. And I was like all right, let's hear it. She said, well, first of all, they're based out of Boston. And at this point I lived like an hour outside of Boston And Boston was I'm not driving in Boston, you're nuts. And she's like so it's in Boston. And I was like I'm not interested. And she's like well, there's also a lot of travel involved. And I was like well, i'm definitely not interested. And she's like but you can make, you know, $60, $70 an hour. And I was like I'll give it a shot, i'll give that a shot, yeah that was it.

Speaker 2:

I'll give it a shot.

Speaker 1:

And then when I met my boss and he told me, when he said you're on, like, you're quote, unquote, hired, he's like but just so you know, you're going to be making $10 an hour less than everybody else. And I was like I knew there was a catch. I knew there was a catch And he's like so you'll be making $50 an hour. And I was like what? And he's like, yeah, you'll be making, And that was it. That was it for me. If I believe it will be worth it when it comes to that stuff, I'll do it. If I don't believe it will be worth it, I'm not interested, It's just got to be worth it.

Speaker 2:

So many things don't become worth it until you do them for a long time.

Speaker 1:

Well, that was interesting, that was instant gratification. Yeah, yeah, that was instant gratification, luckily, That's such a dangerous game.

Speaker 2:

It's interesting that you and I have partnered up. Bring it back to the listeners. So how do they build self-belief? You have so much self-belief now, right, i mean.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but nobody gets to see me. On the day to day, i think, yeah, i have a ton compared to where I have so much more self-belief than I ever had. It's weird for me to lie. I did a podcast pre-call the other day And for some reason, this person called me. They're like hey, can I have your number? And I was like, eh, i don't really, i don't give up my number, but, whatever, i'll do it for you. And it was very clear that like, oh, you're terrified to talk to me. Like this is nothing for me to have a conversation with you over the phone.

Speaker 2:

This is nothing.

Speaker 1:

I do this all the time. That was interesting for me, but that's just based on the fact that I've done that. I don't know however many hundreds of times at this point.

Speaker 2:

So then, how do you help the listeners get more self-belief?

Speaker 1:

You start with where you are. I think the self-assigning part is big, because if you don't give yourself credit for it, it doesn't help your credibility with yourself. Maybe that's kind of the piece of the self-trust, the control aspect. If you feel out of control, it's very, very hard to believe you're going to do well. Very, very, very, very hard to feel like you can believe in yourself in that moment. So it's almost like where do you? what is just outside of your control? What's just outside of your control?

Speaker 1:

I'm not good at this because I always go way, way, way, way, way outside of my control. I just let things go And it's like I'll try to figure this out, even though I don't believe I can. I'll just suffer until I do. I don't think I'm a good example. With that I mean that job thing. That was one of the hardest things ever Traveling eight hours to a house And I couldn't afford to eat. I went to the grocery store and I got deli meat And I just had sandwiches all week because I had no money. There was no other option for me.

Speaker 2:

Do you think there's value to stating and proving, even if it's small? I do State, prove self-assign, like I'm going to do one episode I do, but but you and I were talking about this today.

Speaker 1:

How many people do you know that you used to spend time with? who used to state, state, state, state but never prove? I don't know if that's the way to do it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, i didn't know You need all three. Yeah, i think you need to state, prove and self-assign. Or if you don't state and prove but you are getting results, you need to at least say it's not just luck.

Speaker 1:

You definitely need to self-assign. Yeah, because if think of it.

Speaker 2:

If anything, I consider myself fairly unlucky. My father passed away when I was two years old. I've had a lot of pain and hardship in my life. I don't consider myself lucky. I do when it comes to living in a free country. Like being born in the biggest economy on the planet is lucky, but everything else is not lucky. Like genuinely these people. I don't like the whole luck thing. It's not true, kind of Did you work hard at baseball? Did you ever miss a practice? You probably never missed practice. Right, i didn't work as hard as I could have, no, but did you ever miss practice? No?

Speaker 1:

OK, But I never. I didn't work as hard as I should have Knowing what I know now, you know, like Mixed martial arts it was a joke how much I worked at that. in retrospect I could have been really good. I was good, i was, i was already pretty good, but I, i Didn't, i didn't Go after it more.

Speaker 2:

Yeah you know, because you didn't understand that stuff we talked about on the show.

Speaker 1:

I didn't know I needed it if you say, you say, if you have, this is the interesting thing, if you have somebody in your life who lights you up, i wonder, and I would be willing to bet It's most likely because they help you self-assign. You've done that. Yeah, yeah, you've done that for me for a long time.

Speaker 2:

Oh, what is?

Speaker 1:

what is borrowing belief? Just somebody else saying like, hey, let me shine this light on you that you refuse to shine on yourself because either you're embarrassed or you have negative, a negative association with giving yourself praise. It's yourself so that's part of it to be around people who Allow you to self-assign.

Speaker 2:

Do you consider yourself Lucky or unlucky in life?

Speaker 1:

last question I don't, i don't really think about it If I say lucky, if I believe I was lucky to get that the job. I Was very lucky to get that job. Just circumstantially It's a very rare job, very, very rare, rare, rare job.

Speaker 2:

Okay, what about baseball In retrospect? that wasn't luck.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, in retrospect It was. I was talented, was a talented baseball player, but that's only now because I I could say that about podcasting. I'm not lucky, if anything. Quite the opposite when it comes to this, but that's okay, i don't care, i don't want to be lucky, no wonder why you're good in belief now.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you now believe you're unlucky if.

Speaker 1:

It's just, and the fact that we made it here is a miracle. Yeah, it feels like it doesn't it.

Speaker 2:

That's why you have so much belief, but in the reps.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, of course, in the reps. You can't, you can't really do something 1400 times and not believe in yourself. It's a some degree, i would imagine, you know.

Speaker 2:

I don't know.

Speaker 1:

I don't know but I think that's a huge part of it. You can't it's very hard to replicate the, the reps, yeah so what are you done?

Speaker 2:

this?

Speaker 1:

You Figure out what is just outside of your control, where you know you'll be okay. I Think I don't know if I can think of a better Here. This is last thing I'll say. And, yeah, this I think I'll try to make this land Tara and I Went to, we did a date day yesterday. There's a lot of port towns near where we live. We're on the east coast of the US, we live in New Hampshire and we went to this. It's called Newberry port. It was wonderful. We ate lunch, we went for a walk. We were walking by these two ladies and they were getting ready to take a picture under the tree and I was okay, you want me to do that for you? and She's like, yeah, i'd appreciate that very much. I was like it's probably gonna be terrible. I can't guarantee it's gonna be any good, but I'll do it for you. And I like did a little photo shoot.

Speaker 1:

You might say, kev, that requires a lot of confidence. That requires a lot of belief. I just know I can figure out the situation. I'm not worried about it. Number one, they're more insecure about it than I am. Right, like they're. They're more insecure about it than I am just taking a picture. It's not that big of a deal.

Speaker 1:

I'm really good with people. I can self-assign that I can have a conversation with these. Things can be fun, i can make them laugh, and I don't really care what anybody else thinks, because everybody Wishes somebody would come up to them and say hey, do you want me to take this picture for you? So in that scenario, i felt like I was in control, even though I was out of control. I Don't know if that'll land, but I think that's a bigger aspect of this than Your. Your.

Speaker 1:

You have so much belief that, even if you don't feel like you're in control, you don't really care. In a way, you're just like I. Whatever, i don't know It's. We're different. You're different with this, but so many people are so and again, myself included so certainty driven Where do we need to go? What time are we leaving? What should I pack? How much should I pack? When are we coming home? We're you know, then, like there's so many details that need to be checked off in order to have that level of control met, and I think that's a big piece of belief too but I I do believe I know we got a jump.

Speaker 2:

I do believe that one of the reasons why it appears like I'm So confident Is because I've done things similar a thousand times before and proven to myself that I can handle myself.

Speaker 2:

That's fair, and that's why the dark moments behind the scenes that no one sees, that are really, really hard, are where we grow, because it what is, practice right, it's controlled failure, it's, it's, this is, and I do think this is true I my adversity became my advantage, because with some of the things that I dealt with when I was young, everything else feels really easy in comparison.

Speaker 1:

I have proof if I survived that.

Speaker 2:

I mean, making a million dollars is gonna be easy in comparison. So I think a lot of it is Proving to yourself that you can. I think of it as this you know awareness and capabilities When you're. I don't have any confidence that I can fix a car, but I. But if you gave me six months, i could easily become an excellent mechanic Within reason, depending on who I'm comparing to, but like I could learn how to fix my car for sure. It's just I believe in my ability to adapt and learn and grow. So when you believe in Your ability to grow and adapt and change and evolve based on proof of the past and that's what I hope This episode lands on instead of Alan's, i again, or whatever, i hope that everyone goes.

Speaker 2:

You know what? What if I started believing in myself and my own abilities more, Then I would do more, and then, yeah, you will fail more. I'm not kidding, i have failed way more than most people in way more areas than most people. I mean, i didn't figure this relationship thing out, intimate relationships until I was 30, like I literally failed for 30 years and Eventually I figured it out, and now we're still figuring it out and but 30 years of failures a long time, and If it appears like I'm so confident, it's just because behind the scenes I've been failing and struggling for so long, and I hope that I do think that's true for everybody. I mean, if you look at who was an amazing mechanic, i guarantee you they were screwing it up for Years and years and years trying to figure it out. You know, when you first started that job, i bet you you were pretty terrible, honestly, oh yeah, definitely you probably sucked Yeah everyone sucks at first.

Speaker 2:

I think that we just have to learn that and Believe in your ability to grow. That maybe that's it. instead of believing yourself, believe in your ability to grow. I.

Speaker 1:

Think that's a really good frame. Okay, i do, i don't know. I now more than ever, i think confidence is your. I think Brennan Bershardt said it's your ability to figure it out. I to know that you can figure it out. Everything's figure-outable Eventually.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, keywords eventually, because if you think you can figure it out quick, you're in trouble. Yeah, yeah But.

Speaker 1:

I think it's in that moment of oh my goodness, I don't know what's happening, how do I figure this out? I think that's confidence. The most confident person steps up and says, yeah, I can probably figure it out. That's it, That's all it is.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

That's why you're a natural leader, because you're more confident, you believe in your ability to figure it out. So you'll step up, or I normally wouldn't. I'd shell up. Now, here's the thing. If I'm in a room of podcasters, i'm going to say I can probably figure that out. Right, that's it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, i just have more Behind the scenes, yeah, and the reps, yeah.

Speaker 1:

The reps. My belief is appropriate for the amount of practice I put in. Yeah, Hopefully It's a good one. I'm glad we did this. Same brother, Where you mentioned a mechanic. We're actually going to talk about a mechanic on next episode. That was a very, very nice segue. Next level nation We have. Excuse me, I said nothing.

Speaker 2:

What was that noise? I don't know.

Speaker 1:

Oh, okay, i think I might use a half sneeze. Yeah, it sounded like you scratched your face against the No, it has just nuzzle in the mic.

Speaker 1:

If you are looking to get to your next level, whatever that means to you, and you're not in a place where you can afford coaching or group coaching or courses, whatever it may be. Our next free, completely free virtual meetup is three things everyone should know about their intimate partner. July 6th 2023, 6pm Eastern Standard Time. Again, it's totally private. It's behind the scenes. You can show up and ask questions, you can have your camera on, you can have your microphone on or you can be a fly on the wall and just experience what it's like. We would love to have you. You are more than welcome and we always love meeting the amazing NLU family behind the scenes.

Speaker 2:

All right, Imagine I'm like, hey, i want to build a garden. I have no awareness in gardening whatsoever and I have no capabilities. Okay, awareness and capabilities. I would be terrible and I probably could not make that garden. It would take me a long time, i would fail forward. I'd probably take me five seasons. I'd have to read books. Group coaching is designed to raise your awareness and to raise your capabilities. Here's why, when you have higher awareness and higher capabilities, you're going to be more confident. To Kevin and I's point on this episode, like his awareness and his capabilities in podcasting, is really high. That's why he can coach so many podcasters and why we're going to be successful. Blah, blah, blah. Group coaching is designed to give you the freedom to choose and to be confident, because it's supposed to raise your awareness of self, your awareness of the world and your capabilities. Group coaching group 11, july 11th Reach out to us. Alan at nextleveluniversecom, kevin at nextleveluniversecom, say Hey, i'm in. I want the promo code, less than $96 a month for three months. I hope you join us.

Speaker 1:

If you know anything about me, you know I watch weird stuff on YouTube occasionally. That is the motivation, inspiration for our next episode. I come across these people who are doing really cool stuff and they get to live their dreams, and then always inspires me Tomorrow for episode number 1368, hard work beats talent. This episode is based on somebody that I recently discovered who is quite literally living their dream, and that is their motto, so I thought it would be a very, very good episode for us to do. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU We do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2:

Keep self assigning, next time on nation.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host