Next Level University

#1371 - It’s Almost Impossible To Succeed With The Wrong People

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Imagine being held back on your journey to success by the very people you've surrounded yourself with. It's a tough reality, but in this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros help you break free from those limiting relationships and embrace the power of positive connections. They share how the wrong people around you hinder your progress and reveal the difficult process of letting go of long-standing friendships that no longer serve you. Find out how to surround yourself with the right people who can help you reach your goals and maximize your potential. Learn why it's crucial to nurture these relationships and say "no" to activities or people that don't add value to your life.

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Show notes:
[3:20] Look a the people you are with
[6:57] Are you on a winning team?
[10:02] Does your circle want to see you succeed?
[13:18] The best way to get out of a hole is to stop digging
[15:19] Chad shares how Next Level Podcast Solutions transformed his podcast and provided invaluable assistance along the way
[16:20] Belief is a big thing
[21:39] To get to the next level, let go of the last level
[28:19] Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

I'm on sec here.

Speaker 2:

What are you plugging?

Speaker 1:

Next level nation.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to plug group coaching.

Speaker 1:

Next level nation is the play for me right now. Ready Yep, Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we teach you how to level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode.

Speaker 1:

It was episode number 1370, a vulnerable dive into the fear of success with one, Alan Lazarus. Today, for episode number 1371, it's almost impossible to succeed with the wrong people. Success is hard enough, never mind when there is dead weight or somebody pulling in the opposite direction behind you. So you and I were talking before this episode and I said we're not old. You're 34, I'm 33. I'm not old, but at this point you and I have a good amount of life experience. Things are drastically different today than they were 10 years ago for us, And there's just been a lot of perspective and a lot of contrast and a lot of studying of humans between our early 20s and our early 30s. And I said to Alan we have a group of humans in mind for this and this isn't a judgment, this is just a data set an observation I said isn't it interesting how those four people all probably make very similar money.

Speaker 1:

They all are not in relationships, they all are not super happy or fulfilled with life And they are the four people they spend the most time with. Isn't that interesting? Isn't that super interesting? Now here's the other interesting thing too If you've been friends with somebody for 15 years, it's really hard to break that friendship. So it's almost like the more time in you have in a friendship, the more challenge there is to get out of it. Honestly, the more time you have in a friendship, the less likelihood of you breaking that friendship, the more resistance there is. There's just so much built in.

Speaker 1:

I was on a podcast the other day and it was a podcast for young adults transitioning into adulthood And the guy who interviewed me was in his early 20s and he said what advice would you give to somebody my age or a little bit younger? What are the important things? And I said, honestly, at your age, it is the people you surround yourself with, because it's really hard to break away from those people later And we always used to get that I feel like that person is hanging out with a bad crowd. I remember hearing that all the time It was like it's not that big of a deal. Now, when I look back some of the people that were closest to me that are not doing well in life right now I remember thinking to myself they're not hanging out with good people. I remember somebody I was close to. I remember he started hanging out with people that were like drug dealers and just not quality people, and I remember thinking to myself that's dangerous. We're playing a very, very, very, very dangerous game. And here's what really really made that challenging. I'm not going to go hang out with him and these people. So he lost me as a friend. I had to leave. This isn't healthy for me. I was like I'm going to be here.

Speaker 1:

Then I was probably replaced by position with somebody similar vibes, similar activities, similar aspirations, whatever it may be, and that wasn't positive for him. But you don't know that at the time. At the time, there's a lot of people that have pride in the fact that the people they've been around or the people they are around, there's a million songs, the same ones, the same crew, the same people. You see people like Kevin Hart, who becomes famous and then gives all of his friends an opportunity, a lot of his opening acts are his friends Cool. I love that. I think that's awesome. But that's probably more rare than you'd think.

Speaker 1:

Or he just feels like he should be doing that. Not necessarily that that's what's best for him. It might not be what's best for him. It might not be based on similar core values, similar core beliefs, similar aspirations that they're really good with their families. It might not be that. It just might be. Look, you were with me through the the tough yards. I feel like I should give back to you And not. That's not good for most of us, because for most of us, we're not going to be Kevin Hart And we're going to need to focus on making ourselves holistically successful long before we can give back to anybody else. So the goal, the point of this episode is that success is hard enough. Fulfillment is hard enough. Having a successful relationship is hard enough, never mind if it's with the wrong person. If you're with the wrong person, it's going to be close to impossible And that is an unfortunate hard truth of life.

Speaker 2:

I remember I was in a relationship with someone who I was trying to help at the time And I broke up with this person and we still hung out for a while trying to figure out whether or not we wanted to make it work. And I now understand that if you feel like you have to make something work, it probably won't work Because most likely. I remember I had a mentor who said, alan, just don't do anything. That feels too unnatural, and this mentor had been divorced And he realized in hindsight that He was. He was too, he did too many things that didn't feel like him And then inevitably, over time, you become more of who you really are And I think that there's this interesting thing of like people don't change, it's like no, they can change. I think that we more are a certain we uncover who we really are over time. But I digress. So I was having a conversation. I will never forget this conversation as long as I live. This is one of the most authentic, vulnerable, hard truth conversations I've probably ever had with someone And I remember really really sitting there and just I was on the phone, i was driving, i think I was parked somewhere because of how powerful this conversation was And I essentially said like, are you on a winning team?

Speaker 2:

And I asked the question not because I wanted to be unkind, but because I wanted to see if she could understand the downside or the detriment of the people she surrounds herself with, because none of them are blatantly bad people, that's not. That wasn't the problem. But so I went deeper, next layer. She's like well, what do you mean? And I said well, i just intuitively, i can feel it in, like I'm on a winning team, like all of my friends, all of my acquaintances, all my colleagues, all of my. You know, at that point we were friends with Anthony Trucks and we had Eddie Panero and we had all these. I said, all of my friends, mark Metry, like they have dreams and goals, they're very, they're very growth oriented. I don't think I have any friends or any close associations or close influences that don't have huge goals and dreams. And she's like oh, interesting.

Speaker 2:

And I said, and I want to be kind with this, but I also want to try to help you, and this is one of the very few conversations where I felt like I actually had the permission to be the guide. But anyways, i said are you on a winning team Meaning like how many of your friends? and I actually asked, like how many of your close, closest friends and family and people you spend time with like have big goals and dreams? And she's like just just you. And I said don't you think there's something wrong with that Like? doesn't that alarm you? Doesn't that concern you? And I said, to be completely frank here, you're the only person in my entire life who doesn't have big goals and dreams And I'm not going to lie to you. I want to try to help. Like it's noticeably different. It's noticeably different with you than the other people.

Speaker 2:

And so what I hope to bring to our listeners here vulnerability number one is self-belief 100%. If you don't have self-belief, you don't believe in yourself. You're, you're going to really struggle a lot, and that's why we talk about self-belief constantly. That's why we're teaching people how to build it. That's why we're focused on building it ourselves. But what I want to share with the listeners is I didn't struggle a ton with self-belief. I struggled a ton with what we're talking about right now to a alarming extent.

Speaker 2:

If I could talk to my younger self, i would say you need to look around and you need to ask yourself some tough questions And you need to say is my circle what's best for me?

Speaker 2:

Do my friends and family genuinely have sincere goals, dreams and aspirations?

Speaker 2:

Do they really want what's best for you?

Speaker 2:

Do they really believe in you as much as you believe in yourself? Do they really want to see you win? Do they really want to see you flourish? Do they really want to see you succeed at the level you intend and want and genuinely desire to succeed at? Are they? are they climbing high mountains? Are they growing to their full potential? Do they care about their own potential? Are they trying to contribute to the world in a positive way? Do their actions show that? Do their words and actions match? I never wanted to look at the truth because I didn't want to be alone and I thought I would be, and fortunately I'm not. But we've also built the entire business and community around growth, which is awesome, but also, i think, in some ways vulnerably. That was the only way I could think of how to grow to my maximum potential without being alone. You know, you and I have been peak performance partners for six years and I never would have guessed back in my early 20s that Kevin Palmieri would be the one saying you know and now we're brothers.

Speaker 1:

Well, that's such a rare thing too. It is, but that's I mean. You and I are just a very rare partnership. Somebody said that the other day I was talking to somebody and I was like no, we don't fight. What do you mean? No, it's like we want what's best for the occasional field bump. Well, you have that, but that's normal.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's normal.

Speaker 1:

It's not like there's never been a time where Alan and I have had something happen, where we're like I'm not gonna talk to Alan for a week.

Speaker 2:

It's never happened.

Speaker 1:

I talk to Alan every day, every single day. For the last six years I've talked to you in some way, shape or form, oftentimes more than I'd like to on those days, just because you and I are on meetings all day. But I said that to somebody the other day. I was like no, it's different. Alan wants me to win and I want Alan to win, and everything we do is based on the business winning so we can accomplish what we're actually trying to accomplish.

Speaker 2:

It's not about me, it's the mission. It's bigger than you and I. It's not about me, it's not about It's always been bigger, yeah, and I think that because of that, we can put our egos aside, our names are on it, but it's not about us.

Speaker 1:

I know It's not about us. One of the I said this on a podcast the other day. I said I think a lot of people overcomplicate this. They're like how do you attract positive people into your life? Start by getting rid of the negative people in your life And I guarantee something weird is going to start to happen, because you're going to say, wow, interesting, i didn't realize that person was holding me back as much as I originally thought. Or you're going to say, wow, i really appreciate this other person. I didn't realize they were pouring into me as much as they were. The best way to get out of a hole is to stop digging. You've said that a million times on this podcast. Like that's step one. Step one is to stop digging. I'm in a different position than you because when you and I reconnected, i was like, ok, that could surround myself with him for sure. And then Matt was already my buddy And Matt's into growth. Well, you had a hell of a circle man.

Speaker 2:

I'm blessed. That was really strong. Yeah, i say that all the time. I'm blessed Me, taryn and Matt. that's a hell of a triangle to be a part of. I'm very, very blessed, and the team, all three of us were more a growing through than you back then.

Speaker 1:

Definitely.

Speaker 2:

And that's. I hope that you can share that with the listeners, because without that dude, no way.

Speaker 1:

No, well, for me it hasn't been hey, go surround yourself with amazing people. It's been make sure that the right people are getting the right attention. And for me it was cutting. It was reallocating time, not necessarily cutting people out, because I still have people in my life that used to be in my life. It's just not the same. They're not in the same role. They're just not in the same role that they used to be. For me it wasn't. Once I found you and Taryn and Matt, it was almost like now I just have to protect that. Nobody gets inside of that. That doesn't belong inside of that. But I also understand that's not. A lot of people want to find the right people. Once I found the right people it was like all right, just hang on to those people, make sure you do not lose those people And make sure everybody else is in the role that they should be. Yeah, i know that can sound hardcore. For sure It definitely can, but it's a necessity. It's a necessity.

Speaker 2:

And, honestly, here's the thing Depending on how big your goals are. Yeah, if you want to maximize your potential, if you really want to do something special, if you want to achieve whatever your dreams and goals are, your chances of actually achieving them increase by a drastic probability when you start to Eliminate negative people. I think, eliminate negative people is more important. I would agree go find positive people.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, because you might. You might if you have five people in your life that are holding you back and not putting belief into you and you Reallocate time with them, you might try something you've never tried before and that right, there is progress. And maybe when you go to try something you never tried before, you meet somebody positive that you never would have met before Because you never would have gone there. And then you, something happens from there and that person introduces you to one person and that you never know. You never know what can happen, you just never know. But That really belief number one, this is such a big thing And you and I have seen this. Like You know, we look back at the people we used to spend time with or the people that They spend time with today, and it's like you're, you're in trouble, you're in trouble.

Speaker 1:

I, when you and I went and spoke in Wisconsin, i Wanted to say this, but I didn't have the courage to say it because I didn't want it to come off as arrogant or whatever it is. But the older kids, a lot of them, were just like F, this, this self-improvement thing, is garbage. We're out of class, let's just celebrate. And I just wanted to say, look, i understand, the stuff that we're talking about right now Is not cool, i promise you.

Speaker 1:

I know a lot of people who wish they started this stuff, including myself When I was your age, and the people who now understand the value of this are the people who are more successful And the people who don't. They're in trouble and I just don't want you to be in trouble. I don't want you to be in trouble because the people that you're surrounding yourself with today, your success, is way more connected to them than you realize. It is way more connected, alan. Success is connected to me in ways, if you're watching or listening, you don't understand. Advice versa, if Alan decides he wants to stop this, i'm in trouble. I am in trouble. I'm gonna have to figure out a lot of stuff. You know when Alan talks about yeah, we went hiking and it was dark and we almost fell off the cliff. It's like you, hey, man.

Speaker 2:

No, how about no?

Speaker 1:

It's maybe soft that I didn't.

Speaker 2:

I didn't fall off a cliff, if you get eaten by a bear we're in trouble. I got bear spray, son You're any more than that. I'm not even convinced that stuff works, though You ever seen those things Yeah, I have.

Speaker 1:

You'll spray in your eye.

Speaker 2:

You think they're gonna stop from eating you you cannot take those on a plane, it turns out I'm kidding, i didn't try to take Kev the, the five people you surround yourself with, the 10 people, the 15 people, the three people Who you choose as an intimate partner Every single day. I remember I was at dinner with Bianca. This was years ago. I mean, we were just just becoming close friends and I was mentoring her. This is before she was a client. Now She's been a long-term client in many capacities question it in fitness B if you're listening. But anyways, i Remember I had this interesting conversation with her where I was still trying to explain some of this stuff and that she was new I mean, she was really early in the personal development journey and I Essentially said she had a huge crush on someone that we both knew at the time. I'll keep that part anonymous and I said how often do you think about that person?

Speaker 2:

You know she's like all day, every day, and I'm like, okay, i know Now is that a good thing or a bad thing in terms of is this person a positive influence? is it constructive? Is she helping inspire you to become a better person, to become more disciplined, more virtuous, more incredible, more inspiring, more Hardworking, more smart, working more, whatever right is she? is she Inspiring you to become more? and she said yes and at the time, 100% yes, because this person, quite frankly, was beyond Bianca's personal development set point at the time And I said, okay, weird question How often do you think about me And and.

Speaker 2:

I'm not fishing for compliments, i genuinely just want to understand. She said I don't know 15, 20 times a day. I said, okay, now is that constructive, right? my clients some of my clients will be listening, they're like you're in my ear all the time and I said good, good, that that means that these principles, these guidelines, these, these things are are you're questioning. You're questioning what your other influences are trying to tell you is best for you. And and One thing that I think maybe I'm scared to share but I want to share, is that I do believe That all the people that are that are clients or group coaching members or on the NLU team.

Speaker 2:

While I can't say I've always been perfect, i can't say I've always been kind, i can't say that I haven't been a pain in the ass, what I can say is I do believe this. I do believe that I helped you grow. I do. I Had a hard conversation with a team member recently that I Said I know that that hurt and I'm sorry, but I care about your growth. I Do. And and I had a coach who was hard on me, who I Thanked after years later, years later. At the time I didn't get it, but years later he helped me grow more than any coach ever has, and he told me things I wasn't ready for that. Now that I'm 34 It's like oh yeah, 100%, whereas back then it was like of course he doesn't want to coach someone who Didn't get it and who needed to hear that stuff, the stuff that you really need to hear. Sometimes your ego won't let you hear it. Sometimes you aren't ready for it. There's that hole. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. If you want to get to the next level, you're going to have to let go of the last level, particularly when it comes to your associations. When I first had my very first Peek Performance partner so many years ago, he said you want to know your problem. That guy And by the way, he was right. He was 100,000% right. Here's how I know When I left that dude and got that dude out of my life, guess whose life got way better Mine?

Speaker 2:

I use the analogy of AirPods. Promise last thing. When you lose your AirPods and you try to go back to wired headphones, it is like, oh my God, i took these for granted. That's how you know the value of AirPods when you try to go back And it's not noise canceling And it's like I'm not wearing AirPods now, but it's the best thing ever. That's what it's like to lose an incredible influence. That's what it's like to be like you know what? Damn. I really need that book back. I got to read the compound effect again. I need that back. I need that back in my life. I really need that motivational video again. I really got to listen to that motivational speaker again. I really got to go back to those videos where I was motivated in fitness. I got to go back to ATHLEANX and start learning how to get stronger and how to do proper form in the gym again, i miss ATHLEANX. I miss getting massages. I miss you know. That is the positive side.

Speaker 2:

But what's weird the opposite flip side of the AirPods is sometimes you get rid of something or you lose something, or you forget about something, or you. I have a. Kevin gave me his old car And I used to drive my Subaru And the Maz does not great Kev. But I'll tell you what, man. It's 10 times better than my Subaru, maybe not 10. It's two times better than my Subaru. The point is is it always works. You know, i have Bluetooth now, but I don't have to do the little work around. It's just way better. It is, it's way better. That's the same thing that's gonna happen when you have the courage to trade in for lack of better phrasing Your associations that are negative and toxic. And here's the thing You don't know how toxic they are until you get out. When you get out, you realize oh my God, i can't believe, i tolerated that And that's called growth. But you'll never know if you don't have the courage to do it.

Speaker 1:

I remember I got, like I don't know, six hours of sleep on average a night for like four years straight And I just got used to it. And then when I started, when I became an entrepreneur and even then I still wasn't great at this I'm really good at this now. Now is the best I've ever been at consistently getting a good amount of sleep, and my brain can tell the difference for sure. $4,000 bet will do that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, right, that'll. do it, Okay, okay.

Speaker 1:

But now it's like when I notice I didn't notice before because it had been so long since I had gotten eight hours There was no contrast. I'm telling you, contrast is everything. Contrast is everything. Now, when I get eight hours, i can tell. When I get six hours, i can really tell And I still think I'm somewhat high functioning on low sleep. But that's just reps on reps. Last thing I gotta go because I got a coaching call.

Speaker 1:

I've said this many times, but I think it is always appropriate in episodes like this Are the people in your life the best from your past or the best for your future? Unfortunately, sometimes we outgrow things, people places, things, ideas, feelings but we hang on to them. I'm not telling you to get rid of people, but I do think it would probably benefit us all to reallocate time. And sometimes it's the people closest to you. Unfortunately, that's kind of how it works, because those are the people that have the most influence. So that is a question I would ask yourself if you are listening a painful, potentially painful question, but an awareness building question.

Speaker 1:

And, at the end of the day, new awareness is new opportunity. If you are looking for people like this, people like you, people who are into growth, people who are open to the tough conversations, just people who wanna get to the next level. Please join our private Facebook group, next Level Nation. It's private for a simple reason because we want you to feel safe. Not that you have to be a business owner or whatever the most hyper-conscious person in the world to get in. We just wanna make sure that everybody there is part of the community and feels safe to be themselves. That is why it is private Private to be inclusive, not exclusive.

Speaker 2:

Supportive community, a respectful community. That's the only rule in Next Level Nation is you have to be supportive and inclusive and you cannot be disrespectful to other people. That's it. That's it Okay.

Speaker 2:

So maybe you're out there and you're feeling like other people are getting ahead of you, maybe other people are growing more. Maybe you're on social media and you see these inspiring leaders all over the world chasing their dreams and their goals And you're like you know what? I'm ready. I wanna get around a group of Next Level people. I wanna get around a group of people that are ignited, that have goals, that have dreams. Maybe at the beginning of this episode, you were sitting there going. Am I on a winning team? Am I really on a winning team In five years from now? am I gonna be grateful that I stayed with this team, that I stayed with this group of people, that I stayed with these friends, or is my future self gonna thank me because I got around some next-level people?

Speaker 2:

Group coaching is designed around to this exact framework. If you don't believe in yourself, that's where we got to start, but after that, it's your influences. Let this team of people, this group of people group 11, let it influence you, let it ignite you. I'm telling you, kevin, and I have the cheat code. You know how we stay so motivated and inspired. We're constantly surrounded with motivated and inspired dream chasers Every day. This is our whole world. We're so blessed. Come join us in that. Reach out to Kevin or myself. We have a promo code for listeners. Only Email me, alan at nextleveluniversecom, kevin at nextleveluniversecom, say hey, i'm in for group 11. Give me the promo code please. I will send it to you. It comes to less than $96 per month for the three month program. It's a three month program. You can do it. Sign up today.

Speaker 1:

Tomorrow for episode number 1372, what does fitness mean to you? We got called out by somebody on the team that we haven't been doing enough fitness episodes or, i guess, health episodes. We do a lot of mental health, emotional health, spiritual health, all that, but we're gonna do an episode a little bit on physical health. So join us tomorrow for that. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, we're so grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU We do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2:

Surround yourself with next level people, next level nation.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host