Next Level University

#1374 - 1 Thing SO Many Of Us Want But Aren’t Getting

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Have you ever felt truly seen and understood by someone else? In this episode,  Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros share their experiences with this powerful emotion and how it shapes our connections with others. They discuss moments when they felt accepted and supported, as well as times when they felt unseen and the emotions that come with both. They talk about the importance of feeling seen in our lives, how to communicate when you don't feel seen, and recognizing when someone else may be feeling unseen. They also delve into the connection between feeling seen or unseen and how this can impact our relationships.

Digital Asset:  The Triad of Belonging - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Lg-Wd0GU1R-CVFH8eHj9c71qOBzLkEsG/view?usp=drive_link

Links mentioned:
To learn more about group coaching - https://nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/
Next Level Business Consulting - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-business-consulting/ 

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Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

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Show notes:
[3:01] Feeling seen
[5:46] Feeling unseen
[12:03] Owning when you can't see
[15:20] Alex highlights how Next Level Business Solutions helped him optimize his time for maximum productivity
[18:09] Value is contextual
[19:45] Feeling seen makes you more confident
[22:36] Same-sex couples seem to feel more seen
[29:26] Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

Here we go. Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we teach you how to level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode. It was episode number 1,373,. Overly abundant versus overly scarce. We talked about your relationship with money. Today, for episode number 1,374, one thing so many of us want but aren't getting. First of all, shout out to my wife for getting me this mug. It has a picture of Ace in fudge and I drink my coffee out of it.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah, zoom in on it Now.

Speaker 1:

it's kind of out of focus. Just wanna throw that out there. I also have a cat shirt on. It says cat daddies are the real baddies.

Speaker 2:

Facts are facts.

Speaker 1:

It was Father's Day the other day, so Father's Day, Father's Day. So just shout out to my wonderful wife, Tarn. So I was talking to one of my buddies the other day and we were trying to make plans. Alan, you know how that is. It can be very challenging based on the schedules and what's going on and all that happy jazz.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1:

And I said obviously I either got Friday or Saturday, that's it. That's all I got. That's all I'll ever have, most likely Not doing much during the week, friday or Saturday. What are your thoughts? And he said Friday would work best for me. And I said ha, interesting, my last call doesn't finish until, i think, 6.30. I wouldn't be down there until probably eight o'clock.

Speaker 1:

My first call is 10 am on Saturday, so it's gonna be a rough one for me. I said Saturday night though for me I don't work super late on Saturday. We have family stuff on Saturday, so I'm gonna be at Tarn's aunt's house. I could buzz down maybe after that Probably gets you about six, 5.36. What are your thoughts? And he said well, i have baseball on Sunday. I probably won't be able to stay up super late, so let me get back to you. And I was like, ah, this weekend's probably gonna be a wash. And then he sends me a message and he said all right, man, i understand This is. Let's do this, let's have you come down Saturday. He said I realized Friday for you is packed. Obviously I don't want you missing out on any of the business growth. Yeah, you could do calls here, but you're not gonna have your studio, so it's not gonna be a good look. I think Saturday is probably best. I'll just bite the bullet, i'll suffer through it. I understand how important the Friday is for you And I was thinking to myself I feel so seen by my buddy in this, like I feel understood, i feel supported. I feel like him and I are on the same page, though one of the things that I think all of us want as human beings that we're not getting potentially is to be seen, to be understood, to be supported, to feel like somebody actually gets you, and I felt very, very seen in that moment. Alan and I had a conversation either on the podcast or behind the scenes last week And he said the same thing. He said I feel so seen right now. I actually did a Instagram reel on this, because I think a lot of us are looking for this.

Speaker 1:

Couple questions before Alan goes First. What is being seen feel like to you? What does it mean? What are the emotions that you have attached to it? When does it happen? When does it not happen? When is the last time you actually felt seen And who was it by? I think that's an important thing, and if you feel a lack of that. How do you communicate that to the people around you? What is one small thing you could start doing that would help people understand that you don't feel seen? Because this is the thing Oftentimes you don't feel seen until you either communicate it or somebody goes and tries to do something that you're doing.

Speaker 1:

One of the things about Alan and I is I feel very seen as a podcaster because I know Alan does as many episodes as I do. When it comes to fitness, we feel seen because I know what it's like trying to stay in shape and grow the business. It's very easy for us to get along because we feel very seen with each other. Now there are certain things I don't understand about Alan. There are certain things he doesn't understand about me fully, but we're always trying to do our best to make sure the other person is feeling seen. And Alan asked me today. He literally said do you feel fully expressed after one of our business conversations, and I said yeah, we're good, let's go record some episodes. So I understand. Not everybody has the privilege of having people in their lives who ask them that Do you feel fully expressed? Do you feel seen? Yes, go on.

Speaker 2:

I know what it's like to have an epic monologue and to fumble right at the goal line, so close. So close You almost had it. Better luck next time.

Speaker 1:

Thank you, friend.

Speaker 2:

I don't think I ever really fully understood how unseen I felt. You interviewed me a couple weeks back and you've done it a couple times, so not this past one but the one before that And I said you said something along the lines of a question like what didn't you understand about yourself back then that you now understand? I think I said that I'm deeply fearful Because I never felt afraid of the same things. So, like I'm not afraid of planes, i'm not afraid of certain things that other people are really quite scared of, and sometimes to a detriment, but that doesn't mean I'm not fearful. And so while you can't relate, maybe, to what I'm afraid of, you can probably relate to being afraid, but there's layers of relatability. So, for example, i have one client. Shout out to this client you will know who you are when I talk about you. She is aspiring to be a world-class fitness competitor And I feel very seen by her. Let me explain why. She's shooting for the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of that industry. And so I just feel very seen by her because the amount of dedication and standards that that requires inside of you and the struggles that come with that are like insane. And I can just tell that she gets me more than most people do. She just gets it. It's kind of like another thing that will land.

Speaker 2:

We have a lot of mothers that listen. If Kevin and I you kind of know, we don't really know You're a cat dad man, but that's nothing compared to what parents go through, and I'm a cat dad now, so I now understand When your cats had ringworm. Tariel is literally in our. There's a bathroom right next to my office and she got spayed four days ago and she's got a full cone on and she, you know we're in there every couple hours checking on her. It's a whole thing but it's nothing compared to, i'm sure, what being a parent is, and so if you're a mother, you probably feel seen with the challenges of being a mother by other mothers. And one of the things that's been really cool for Kevin and I is that we have a lot of women listeners and even though we can't fully understand some of the challenges you have, at least we don't pretend we do, at least we're trying not to. It's like what episode did we do recently? Oh, we did an episode recently about fitness. What does it mean to you? Body image, self-esteem? And we just kind of owned like, listen, we don't.

Speaker 2:

I don't know really what the experience is for a woman where most of society is looking at that as your value. And we have team members on the NLU team that they're like blown away by how much I see their value into the future because in their mind they're like I'm, my value goes down over time because I'm a woman and my value is tied to my looks. And they literally have said behind the scenes Alan, thank you so much for not looking at that, and the looks have no, that's not what we're looking at here. Like I'm, you're very beautiful, that's great, but I don't care, you know.

Speaker 2:

And so the point that I'm trying to make here is that I think all of us want to feel seen, and I don't think I understood how unseen I felt as, especially growing up, when and I'll just share this vulnerably I had huge dreams and I wasn't just saying it, i really meant it. And I think that I don't think I ever really felt fully understood or seen or valued for that. And honestly, this is the very hard truth of it If you aren't actually shooting for the top of the top of the top of the top of the top of whatever it is. You really don't fully understand what it's like. I've never played professional football so I have no idea what it's like to be a professional football player and the injuries and the. But I do know what it's like to shoot for something that's very statistically uncommon, and so I can relate to certain people and I just think that landed for me, honestly, more now than ever.

Speaker 1:

It's challenging because it's almost like, if you think about it, from, say, you're 18 years old listening to this, if you don't start communicating your lack of feeling seen, it almost gets harder Because the contrast between who you are today and who you're going to be in five years has already started. That's a very, very interesting thing. In the very beginning, i did not feel seen by a lot of people because you and I are starting a podcast and we're trying to grow a business and we look like losers in the beginning, for sure, and I never really felt seen because most people didn't understand Oh, you started a podcast, that's cute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got that a lot. And again, here's the thing Now I understand, i understand why people thought that. But now here's the beautiful thing When I work with my podcast clients, i feel very seen, and I know they do too.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, like everything you're going to see, i've already seen for the most part. Obviously, circumstantially, things are different, but I don't ever want I don't ever want you not to feel seen. We have a new team member that we brought on recently And she said to me behind the scenes on our little onboarding call. She said it's been interesting to have so many people pour into me at once. She said it's been a little overwhelming, honestly, and it's like you know I understand. You're going to be very, very seen here. Everybody's going to see you and try to learn more about you so you can be even more seen.

Speaker 2:

And, more importantly, when we can't see you, we're going to just own that, yeah.

Speaker 1:

You know what?

Speaker 2:

I mean, it's like she's a mother, she has a daughter I'm not going to pretend that I see you there, yeah, and I think that that's another layer of support. Like Emilia, for example, she, when she got off birth control and she got off birth control and She was going through the bodily changes that bringing her cycle back and all that kind of stuff, it's like I didn't try to pretend that I understood, like I would just be there and empathize and and honestly, i would just say like I have no clue what that must be like, but that sounds terrible, yeah, and I think she appreciated that a lot more than like the placating of oh yeah, yeah. Well, you know, you've never been kicked in the nuts.

Speaker 2:

So it's like you know that crap, like people do that. Yeah, I think that there's support and seen I think are actually connected to. I wanted to bring this distinction to the table. If you don't feel seen and understood, you probably can't really feel supported. And, honestly, if I don't see you and I don't understand you, how can I support you? And what I think gets us is when we have, you've had someone think they see you One of my favorite things in the entire world. Oh no, I know.

Speaker 1:

Isn't it interesting how I know exactly what you're going to say based on just the fact that you said that.

Speaker 2:

One of my favorite things in the whole world is watching someone try to coach Kevin when Kevin's leagues ahead of that person, because he feels so unseen and it's so fascinating to witness because, honestly, i feel seen in that. Kevin, how many people have you witnessed try to coach me where it's like, listen, many, many, many, oh my God, it's so bad Like I, it's like you see me as this prepubescent little boy who is helpless and vulnerable. Listen, that ain't the truth here. Right, do not try to coach me in these capacities, right. So I love when I witness this happen to Kev, because Kev is much more than most people know, quite frankly, i mean, he's a lot more than meets the eye now, more than anyone can possibly know.

Speaker 2:

Honestly, unless you see it on a day to day basis, i'm the one who sees it Okay, but when you walk into a room, no one knows that. They see you know fun, you know humorous Kevin who's? you know Kev, relatable, likable, right. They don't see world class podcasting, never misses a day, had surgery and still recorded and didn't miss a moment, never mind Take a day off. They don't see that, right, i do, and so they just don't see you accurately. So you feel so unseen and you trying to level set that in the moment is my favorite thing, because there's nothing you can do. It's basically like Kev, this is Kev. This is my impression. No well, you know I, you know I. I didn't have a father, but like you know I, you know I, you know you know I dealt with that and I did therapy, like you know no, i appreciate it, but I'm I'm good.

Speaker 1:

That's pretty much. That was pretty much about on.

Speaker 2:

It's so fun for me.

Speaker 1:

Um, and just so hard to come, it's so hard to communicate, that we went. We went to something recently and we weren't there to be coached. We were there. I don't want to be super specific because I want to respect all parties, but we went to see somebody recently and there was like a mastermind. And the person we went to see was like, do you want to be part of the mastermind? I'm like, yeah, whatever, why not? You know, we don't have, we're going to kill some hours anyway. And it just was very clear. The person who was leading the mastermind did not have the amount of experience we have, that's all. And they, they basically said what are you here for? And I was like, well, we're here to interview someone and they'll go to you at the mastermind for us, like we're just kind of killing time. Like, well, what's your biggest struggle? And it's like, yeah, okay, i don't know Nothing, i don't think anything. You can really help you? I don't want to be egotistical.

Speaker 2:

I love it. This is the energy, this is it.

Speaker 1:

But we're and this is this is the interesting thing. We're more successful in business than you, right, where our goals are much bigger than yours. We're more consistent than you, based on what I just heard you struggling with, again, nothing wrong with that. I have empathy, but like you're not, you can't coach me on this. You can't coach me on this. We do masterminds all the time. We have group coaching, we have clients, but you don't know that.

Speaker 2:

No wonder why you want to be a W man, That's one of the reasons, because people can actually see you.

Speaker 1:

It's very uncomfortable.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's very uncomfortable And hopefully everyone listening. my point of that was not to build Kevin up or me.

Speaker 1:

I hey I'm all for it.

Speaker 2:

But it is true, i do like witness it and it's fascinating, you know. But for the listeners, hopefully, you're relating to when you don't feel seen, because it's like, listen, that's not why we're here And the fact that you think you can coach me in business is alarming, like what am I missing And what do you do? What do you say? Like I'm away ahead of you, like how do you not come off arrogant in that regard? Right, because it's not like you can see our result. It's not like we can compare profit and loss statements here. You know So, and even that it's just one of those things.

Speaker 2:

So hopefully you everyone listening, i know you can relate to feeling unseen. Maybe you're a parent and people who aren't parents are giving you advice, you know. Maybe you're wealthy but no one knows it. Maybe you have unbelievable acumen in something that no one gives you credit for And you know, just because you don't have a PhD doesn't mean you don't know what you're talking about in fitness or nutrition or whatever. So at the end of the day, value is contextual. I know for a fact you felt undervalued at times if you're listening to this show And hopefully you can put yourself more in situations and with people who see you, and if they don't, at least they own that And I'm one of them.

Speaker 2:

Better at that too, because I used to not empathize well with people who struggle with self-belief, because I didn't know how hard that must be, and I think now I'm much more conscious of like oh okay, so if that's your struggle, a lot of what I say will probably come off not useful to you, go ahead.

Speaker 1:

I'm sorry, i thought you were done. Alan has switched his delivery. I used to know exactly when he was finished his statement. Now I'm working my way back to relearning it.

Speaker 1:

One of the reasons if you've noticed me, alan, i'm sure you have, but if you watch or listen my self-worth has changed a lot over the last probably year Obviously the last six years, but really the last year. One of the reasons is I'm spending a lot more time with podcasters. Whether it's being on podcasts or coaching podcasters, i feel very seen, and something very interesting has happened. In the very beginning, when I was trying to offer people free calls, a free podcast breakthrough session, a lot of people just weren't taking them. Now it almost happens immediately when I say hey, i'd love to offer you a free coaching session. It's free, i'm not going to sell you anything, i just want to add value. People are doing it. So I feel seen as a podcast guy now too. That's one of the reasons I'm more confident. That's one of the reasons my self-worth has grown. A lot is because I do feel seen the majority of the time. If you think about it, if I have eight calls in a day, five of those are coaching calls or being on other shows. So I feel very, very seen, more seen than I ever have, and that adds up. That adds up over time.

Speaker 1:

Now the question for you, if you're out there, for me it's easy. It's around myself, with people who do stuff similar to what I do Pretty simple podcasting, business, entrepreneurship, coaching. I'm going to be fine For you. What is it? Is it a partner who doesn't understand, maybe, what it's like to stay at home with the kids, or what it's like to leave and come home later? What is that? How do you express that? Is it a vulnerable conversation? Is it leaving little breadcrumbs? Your communication style, obviously, is going to differ from mine. Okay, do you feel seen at work, at your occupation? Do you feel seen in your friend group? That is, it's belonging. That's what we all want. We all want to feel like we belong. We all want to feel safe. We all want to feel like we're on the same page. One of my favorite things in the world is when people I know start podcasts because I know they're going to see me. They're going to see me.

Speaker 2:

Don't they flip the way they see you.

Speaker 1:

For sure Understandable.

Speaker 2:

When you're in a podcaster and then you hear that we do seven episodes a week you have a whole different view of us.

Speaker 1:

Or fitness, Anything fitness related. It's like oh my goodness, I just started dieting. I want to lose X amount of pounds or gain X amount of pounds.

Speaker 2:

Kevin, when you say I bench pressed 75s on incline for 10, you know that. I know what that is. Now that's nothing crazy. To a strength Powerlifter That's pretty impressive to the normal, to anyone who's normal or average or statistically average. This feeling seen, feeling understood and feeling valued are the same And belonging is. There's got to be an equation there of feeling seen, feeling understood and feeling valued. Belonging is in the center. I love triads man Of course.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, of course, that's a really good one. You throw my name on there.

Speaker 2:

Of course Half credit. Do you also love triads? so I can feel like I belong.

Speaker 1:

You do belong but I do not like triangles and triads and frameworks and squares and circles and all the stuff you like as much as you do.

Speaker 2:

Last observation Okay, it's observation. I coach couples all the time now, which is the coolest thing in the world, one thing that I've found very fascinating. So I coach heterosexual couples and homosexual couples, and one thing that I've found very fascinating is that homosexual couples, based on my data brain, feel much more seen. It's fascinating, it makes sense. A woman and a woman, they deal with similar things.

Speaker 2:

Society views women differently than men, and vice versa you know, and It's been fascinating for me to witness, that if belonging is what you crave at the deepest level, i I do think that's an unconscious driver of homosexuality and I don't.

Speaker 2:

I don't have a ton of research. I'm not like a scientist who's researching this behind the scenes. I just coach a lot of people and I make a lot of observations. That's been really cool to see and I'm all for it too. By the way, like, if you want to be a homosexual couple, like I, i think it's actually Positive. I, i think it can be very positive, and is that the right term, by the way, kev.

Speaker 1:

Heterosexual versus homosexual. I don't know if it would be like Opposite sex, same sex, okay.

Speaker 2:

I don't know I don't.

Speaker 1:

I don't know the verbiage. All right, i don't know the verbiage, well.

Speaker 2:

Here's what I will say. I apologize if I mess the verbiage up Same sex couples. I have noticed a drastic increase in the sense of belonging. That I will say, and I think they just feel seen and more understood because they're the same sex they have more in common, you know, and that's been fascinating to To witness makes sense.

Speaker 1:

I Was looking it up, but I'll look it up after and then you and I'll have a deeper, deeper understanding for the next episode. Yeah, i just think, at the end of the day, a Lot of us feel like outsiders in our lives, you know and that, think about it. That's why, probably, i would guess, athletes date a lot of athletes, actors and actresses date a lot of actors and actresses. Because you feel seen. You can understand, imagine, imagine, being.

Speaker 1:

I saw something, i heard something about some very famous pop star Whose partner was struggling to date them because they were sick of them being on the road so much. It's like look, that's kind of what you signed up for. So I bet you, neither of those people, feel seen. I want you to stay home and spend time with me. I want to go out and do my thing and add value to the world and entertain the world. Neither of those people feel seen. Most likely that relationship is not gonna last. Yep, i would say that's a really good indicator of whether or not a relationship is gonna last agreed, i have to write that triangle down.

Speaker 2:

You're gonna do it right now. We're gonna, we're gonna teach, of course, we're gonna teach that at relationship talks.

Speaker 1:

Conscious couples look at that.

Speaker 2:

So what was, it was seen, understood, valued, and then belonging is the center.

Speaker 1:

Look at that live, live on the podcast. A new framework has been created.

Speaker 2:

What will it be?

Speaker 1:

called. The triad of belonging of course, simple yet profound.

Speaker 2:

No, i'm serious, Even if it's pretend good see, look at that.

Speaker 1:

Well, well done. If you're looking for something profound in your life, tell him. And you're you're looking to get to the next level. Whatever that next level is life, love, health, wealth, any of them, all of them. July 11th 2023, one week after the 4th of July, if you're in the US and you celebrate that, we are starting our 11th round of group coaching. So, at the end of the day, maybe you're looking for belonging. We can help you feel that you're going to be around people who want to grow. And I said this to this, this new team member. I said look, your goals, your dreams, your aspirations are never gonna be too big, ever on this team. It's not possible, because I'm guessing Alan and I's are probably larger than yours, if they're not more power to you.

Speaker 2:

But usually they are us.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and then you'll inspire us. Group coaching is designed for this. It's designed for you to finally feel like you fit in. Well, i'm not talking about group coaching, am I? Yeah, i'm talking about coaching. I know we have the the meetup on July 6th as well, but that's that's why we designed it. Alan and I didn't always feel like we had people in our lives who understood us, and we created group coaching for that reason. If you're interested with a discount code, 30% discount code We'll give you, and, as of being, ninety six dollars and sixty cents per month. So just reach out to us. Kevin at nextleveluniversecom, alan at next level universe, calm, and what I am talking about is group coaching.

Speaker 2:

Excellent work. Thank you so much. Thank you. So if you go to the website, the link will be in the show notes. There's something that I do called next level business consulting that I don't talk about enough, but this is the very first three sentences on the website. I'm just gonna read them. Have you always dreamt of starting your own business? Maybe, maybe, okay.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

Do you want to help people in a way that's sustainable?

Speaker 1:

Yes profitable.

Speaker 2:

Yes, yes, okay, okay, yeah, both of them. Third one ready. Next level business consulting is for passionate people who want to help others, but they do not yet Know how to build an actual business. If that describes you, please reach out. I've helped so many people start businesses. If you have a big dream Underneath, that is most likely starting your own business, or your own charity, or your own nonprofit Which, by the way, the way you run those three things is very, very similar. So if you need help, please reach out. It is. I can promise you as a business consultant. It is more affordable than anything you'll find in the market.

Speaker 1:

It's wildly Affordable based on the value you'll get. Thank you, brother. I am biased, though, because you're my business partner, so, but I think it's good and your.

Speaker 2:

Business consultant.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, i, but yeah, in my business, because I've also been coached by other business owners and let me tell you It wasn't always great. Let me see how much I can butcher this outro. You ready, mm-hmm? Okay, tomorrow for episode number 1375. are you on track or off track? I believe, as of the launch date of that episode, there'll be a hundred ninety two days left in the year, so we're almost halfway through the year, which is wild to think of. Have you checked in on that? Are you close to where you should be? Are you way behind? Do you even know? we're gonna talk about that for next Episode as always.

Speaker 1:

I'm excited for that one as well. Do I know what I'm gonna say? Not really well, we figure it out? I sure hope so. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2:

Keep showing the world who you are so you can be seen. Next level nation nice.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host