Next Level University

#1376 - 1 Simple Question To Ask Yourself Before You Make A Decision

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Are you letting your fear stop you from stepping up to the plate and swinging for the fences?  In this episode,  Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros tackle this crippling emotion and learn how to identify and overcome the barriers preventing you from achieving your dreams. They also discuss the impact of belief systems on your performance and the importance of being open to failure. By recognizing the signs of fear, you can unlock your full potential and seize the opportunities that come your way. Moreover, they share insights on how recent and relevant proof can help build your confidence, allowing you to conquer self-doubt and take advantage of the chances life throws at you.

Links mentioned:
To learn more about group coaching - https://nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/
Next Level Monthly Meetup #19: "3 Things Everyone Should Know About Their Intimate Partner" on July 6, 2023, 06:00 PM EST - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/  
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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on LinkedIn, Instagram, or via email

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

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Show notes:
[1:23] Throwback story
[6:55] The three layers of truth
[12:10] What's the story you're telling yourself?
[18:57] Alex highlights how Next Level Business Solutions helped him optimize his time for maximum productivity
[19:35] Gauging impact
[20:35] Swing and a miss, and the recent relevant proof
[23:30] Optimizing not to fail
[33:36] Self-fulfilling stuck place
[38:56] Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

be hello, hello, hello what you wanna do.

Speaker 2:

One, two, three, four, five, six. One, two, three, four, five, six. Interesting, it worked. Why did that happen?

Speaker 1:

we don't know no idea, we don't know.

Speaker 2:

One, two, three, four, five, six. One, two, three, four, five, six. Now your video is lagging. No, no, no, i think the audio is good, but now the video is lagging a little bit. Do you think you should try to hit record and see what happens on stream yard? would it host it with you? I don't know, i don't have any of this work?

Speaker 1:

I don't know.

Speaker 2:

I guess let's try what's the worst that can happen. We lose the whole damn thing where's the record button? and the top right not for me. Oh, you might not even be able to record maybe that's what it is. I'm not the host yeah, that doesn't matter because Amy can go. Who's Amy logging in from you? oh, i like let's hear it.

Speaker 1:

No, no, i can't record. I said, when you said top right, i thought you meant top right of the. Yeah, that's my bad. You want me to hit record yeah let's see what happens. Let's give it a shot, all right, all right, start recording. Broadcast quality, high definition, 1080p.

Speaker 2:

Local recordings off yeah, well, i mean, we could try that if you want. Local recordings are just. It'll record your end in my end. No, it doesn't matter because we already have that.

Speaker 1:

Without ass at the center, we're good why wouldn't we do that with the video, though? is there any benefit to that? I don't. Vocal recordings is in beta. What is the benefit to that? you might get higher. That means it's going to record.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it might get higher quality but it also is going to Jeff internet, probably more, because you're going to be recording on your end. I'm going to be recording on my end. Do we want to try it? I mean we can. The other question is what type of mayhem is that in post production?

Speaker 1:

it says record locally for each participant yeah, yeah, we can try it.

Speaker 2:

You want to try it yeah?

Speaker 1:

record audio and video or record audio only both. Both ready. I'm ready man, we'll see if the ship sinks.

Speaker 2:

I think it's going to realize, can I? I can smell ice coming okay, i hit record nothing's on fire yet. All right man. So you're plugging meetup, i'm plugging group coaching, i guess knees that's correct all right we should aim for Twommies on this.

Speaker 2:

If we're gonna get two done, we're gonna do Twommies. Oh god, allergic to it. All right, one, two, three, 456. 123. 456. Let's do it. Here we go. Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we teach you how to level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode. It was episode number 1375. Are you on track or off track Today for episode number 1376, one simple question to ask yourself before you make a decision.

Speaker 2:

Alan, this is a throwback story. There was a time in my life I was a young man and I remember I was trying to find a better job. We have heard of my trials and tribulations of the workforce throughout this podcast. I talk about it all the time. But I remember one time somebody said to me hey, kev, the Dunkin' Donuts warehouse a couple towns over is hiring, and at this time I was not making good money and I was like, interesting, how much would that pay? And I think I found that it was like $18 an hour or something. I was like whoa, whoa. That's like way more than I'm making now. I got to do that, but I was always too afraid to go in and get the paperwork to fill out.

Speaker 1:

We got to tell your money story at some point. Yeah, definitely We really should.

Speaker 2:

We'll do like an origin story episode. That's going to be a long one. It's going to be a long one. We'll have to do our origin stories. But quick twami Yeah Well, it's never a quick twami with us. I was too afraid to go fill out the application. I was genuinely too afraid to go into the building, find the application and then apply and give them my resume and all that stuff. So I never ended up doing it. I never tried, Just didn't do it. Believe it or not, I didn't get the job because I didn't apply for it Total shocker.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, total shocker.

Speaker 2:

That is what we're talking about in this episode. So the one simple question I really wish I asked myself before I made that decision And this is Alan's. I can't take credit for this. This is Alan's question But are you afraid to step up to the plate or are you afraid to swing? Do you not even want to step up to the plate? Do you not want to swing? What is your thought process when it comes to that? For me, I didn't even want to step up to the plate and I didn't want to swing. I didn't want to step up to the plate and try to get this job. I did want the job, I did, but I wasn't willing to take that chance. I was too afraid. What is the original quote that you started this with?

Speaker 1:

Well, it really isn't what you said. It's naturally, naturally. It's not Naturally, it's essentially are you afraid to strike out or are you not even sure you want to swing? That's better than what I said, meaning. I think that a lot of people I was telling Kev this before we recorded I think a lot of people have goals and dreams and things they want, things they desire, and then their highest self and their intuition says here's the way, here's the opportunity, here's the person, place, thing or idea that's going to get you there.

Speaker 1:

And then there's this moment of courage that needs to happen. And I think what happens is a lot of people have deep fears In this case it was fear of failure or fear of rejection And then they convinced themselves ah, you know what? I didn't really want that job anyway. That is, you're afraid you're going to strike out. You want the job, but you're afraid you're going to strike out Versus. Honestly, i don't even think I want to play baseball. I don't even think I want this job. There's a big difference between this is not aligned and I'm not not doing this because I'm afraid and I'm scared, but instead of being truthful with myself and just owning that, i'm scared and feeling the fear and doing it anyway. I'm going to convince myself of the story that I don't really want the job And this happens all the time with clients of like you know.

Speaker 1:

It's like, well, i want to start that podcast but I don't know, maybe you know, i don't think it'll be worth it. It's like, honestly, i can kind of tell No, no, no, you're scared to record your first episode because you're so afraid to launch it, because you're so afraid of your friends and family judging you. I understand it's genuinely petrifying in the beginning because you do, you get You put yourself out there quite a bit Versus Someone who you know what. Honestly, i don't think podcasting is my thing. You can kind of tell the difference as a coach and It's very difficult because people think that they're like I don't think a podcast is the thing and I'm sitting there going. You are just scared and deep down.

Speaker 1:

And this goes into the layers of truth. So I'll do a little example with Kevin. Oh, boy, my, my girlfriend, emilia, she came up with this. She calls it a tertiary truth primary, secondary, tertiary. So, Kev, you didn't apply. So let's imagine Well, how old were you? I Don't know, maybe 18, 19, okay, so 19 year old Kev. Can I talk to him for a second?

Speaker 2:

you try your best son, There you go right in the character.

Speaker 1:

I love it you can try your best, So I'm bring that ego back right. It's not 19 year old. Alan is talking about oh okay, by the way. Yeah, because if it was, we almost fought, we did we did almost in the football I would have won. It's a story. You, oh yeah, you probably would have definitely won.

Speaker 2:

That's not a probably, it's a definitely yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Well, either way, i think that is true. That is true, okay, but what if we did like a math competition? You would have won. Okay. So, talking to 19 year old Kev, all right, kev, 18 bucks an hour, duncan Donuts warehouse. What are your thoughts?

Speaker 2:

man It is. This is like layer one truth.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. Yeah, my job is not that bad. I don't really want to drive here. It's like it's 15 minutes away. You know the gas stations like two minutes away, so then I'm, it's. that's a half hour a day. I'm gonna have to wake up a little bit earlier. No, not for me, okay, perfect.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so that's a tertiary every truth. That's what we would call the ego, which is just excuses and it's not true. It's not. It's not his deep, actual Truth, all right, so one layer deeper is your secondary truth, which is requires a layer of vulnerability. So let's go one layer deeper. So what? what's underneath that?

Speaker 2:

I'm a little bit nervous to even apply because I don't think it'll be worth it, because I don't I don't really think I want to get the job.

Speaker 1:

Okay. And when you said I don't think it'll be worth it, meaning worth the drive because you don't think you're gonna get the job Yeah yeah, yeah, whereas if you were certain you'd get the job, you would make the drive right. All right, deepest truth, what, what is? and this is the vulnerable piece and this isn't gonna be vulnerable for Kev because he was 19 And he's shared a lot of worse things- Oh yeah.

Speaker 1:

What was your vulnerable truth at the time? Now, looking back like the actual truth underneath all of this facade and ego, I mean the biggest thing was it was that right?

Speaker 2:

I genuinely do not think I'm gonna get this job. I Don't think I'm capable of even doing the job if I did get it. I mean that was the biggest thing is I don't think I will be able to succeed here. I don't. I don't know if I'm good enough to even do this. Everybody here's the deepest truth. Yeah, I'm not good enough everybody that gets this job knows way more than I do. They're way more competent than I am. That that was the layer.

Speaker 1:

One truth, and so that's the deepest belief, which is I Don't think I'm good enough. Yeah, i Think other people are better than me. I don't think I'm good enough, and that's the part we don't want to face.

Speaker 2:

Well, you know, the other thing, the other interesting thing I I forgot about this till recently, like that, that Duncan Donuts warehouse thing I forgot about until like this moment. I just I don't, i didn't think about that. But I applied to another warehouse And it was literally like a give me. It was like a give me job It should have been a give me job and it was like I think it was like nine bucks an hour. I think I took a pay cut to get this, to try to get this job, and I couldn't get that job either. They never even called me back. So I think there was a part of me that was like I didn't get that job. There's no way we get hired by Duncan Donuts for twice the amount of money.

Speaker 1:

Now that you're a business owner, you do realize how ridiculous that is. They probably just hired someone else.

Speaker 2:

Why wasn't it me first? I'm capable. I didn't even look at your resume. I know There wasn't. There wasn't a lot on the resume, i'm sure. But yeah, think of it this way if you strike out, i struck out, i Struck out in that case. You didn't even swing in the other one. Well, of course I didn't want to step up to the plate. I struck out last time. I don't want to do it again.

Speaker 1:

Not interested, I'm not interested because of the pain of the first one.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so this is what happens if Kevin has a deep unconscious belief. By the way, I want to take everyone through what just happened there the the tertiary truth is your conscious story You're telling yourself. So the story Kevin was telling himself about himself is Ah, I don't really want to commute You know it's not for me.

Speaker 1:

I'm too much of a badass for that job. Anyway, that's the ego, that's the conscious mind. Then you've got the subconscious, which is I don't think I'm gonna get the job, so I don't think the drive will be worth it. And then the deep unconscious, the record playing underneath all that is I'm not good enough. And even if I got the job, i don't think I'd be good enough for this and That I'm not enough. I'm telling you, if you relate more to Kevin than me, that's because you probably have a deep belief similar. Mine isn't that. My deepest belief isn't that. I don't have I'm not good enough thing. Mine's different. My pain comes from social, you know, and that's the whole fear of failure versus fear of success thing and all that kind of stuff. So Kevin and I have helped each other grow to drive to five, because his be biggest weakness is my biggest strength and His biggest strength is my biggest weakness. And every strength comes with a weakness and that's a whole nother episode I think we're doing later this week right.

Speaker 2:

We are actually Tuesday.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so like if you think about you being like having this huge empowered strength up here, there's always like a double-edged sword that comes with that you know confidence, but arrogant or Humble, but like overly Modest and never stepping up and sharing your greatness.

Speaker 1:

Like every strength, comes with this, like Challenge with it. And so Kevin and I have helped each other drive to five. But if you're out there, which which part are you on? and, more importantly, to get back to this episode, what's the story you're telling yourself when you have an opportunity, you know And you get offered an opportunity. Are you talking yourself?

Speaker 2:

out of it.

Speaker 1:

You know, are you talking yourself out of it when deep down you really wanna do it, but you're just afraid you're not good enough.

Speaker 2:

I've definitely talked myself out of many, many, many opportunities. I mean less now than ever, obviously.

Speaker 2:

Now it's just like huh we'll find a way to figure this out. But I've had so many conversations, especially early in coaching. Two things One I remember telling you very early in this that I wasn't gonna coach. I was like I'm not a good coach, i don't know how to coach, i don't wanna coach, i don't like coaching. The truth was, i just didn't feel great doing it yet I wasn't very confident as a coach. I was always scared.

Speaker 2:

I even had a breakthrough recently where I've been saying this to clients, because a client came to me recently and he was like I feel like I should be so much more prepared for this call. And I was like you're good, i don't even worry about it. You're good, don't worry, we're gonna get to where we should get to. And then we're gonna figure it out. And I said, but transparently, vulnerably, i am coming out of a phase now where I assumed every single call had to be 60 minutes on the button. It couldn't be 45 minutes of value, it couldn't just be a check-in to make sure everything's going smoothly. And then I had a couple of those happen where two of my clients were at the car dealership and they're like hey, we're good, we just wanna check in. I wanna thank you for the last call, like we're good we're, and I said, okay, well, i have a couple ideas. I'll send them to you in the in an audio, but usually I would attach that I'm not a good coach because I didn't find a way to make 60 minutes worth of content.

Speaker 2:

That's one of the it was in my head of I'm not good, i don't wanna do it right Like I. That was something that I dealt with for a long time, a really long time. But I've seen that with other people, where they get the opportunity to get like a promotion and then they convince themselves no, i don't even want this. What do you mean? that's what we were talking about at the beginning. You've said you wanted this for the last year, but I understand. Obviously it's sometimes the thing you want scares the hell out of you when it becomes the thing you're actually capable of getting.

Speaker 1:

I know How did you step up to the plate so many times with coaching, even though you didn't feel good enough? I don't know, because I remember those conversations and I remember being like dude, i don't know man, but again, i also didn't know that. that was my thing at the time.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I don't know, just like everything else, I don't.

Speaker 1:

I think possibly, like you say, you didn't know you could do it, but yet you still do it, and I think that that's I don't mean to interrupt you, but it's more rare than I think you realize Probably seriously, because Bianca does this too. It's like she doesn't believe she's gonna hit her goal weight, but she still, like, does all the work, because I think she believes that. I know she'll hit it mathematically And I just don't understand how, how could you show up so much and so often when you don't actually think it's gonna work? The proof For me I don't do things that I don't think are gonna work.

Speaker 2:

I look at the proof, i look at the. I'm telling you for me I did an Instagram reel on this The most, one of the most powerful things for me is the recent and relevant proof. It's just, we did an episode yesterday. I did a coaching call yesterday. I'm gonna try to do a coaching call today, let me see kinda how it goes. That's, we did a speech yesterday, like you went. So Alan and I have a very well compensated speech coming up And I'm not, i'm not nervous at all for that. I don't. Whatever, it's gonna be fine, i'm not worried about that at all. But that's just because we've done enough speeches. At this point, i feel like we've done enough in-person speeches where I feel comfortable. I'll be nervous, but I you know what it is, i know the flow of it. The night before I'll be terrified. The day of I'll be terrified. I'll be super serious. I'll be very focused Once we step on stage, that'll be the peak of my nervousness and then from there it'll go down.

Speaker 1:

It's interesting. I'm the opposite I'll not be concerned at all and then we'll do it, and then after I'll get the pain of that. That could've been way better. You're like you get the pain in advance and then after it you feel like a million bucks. I'm the opposite I feel fine up until and then after it I'm like, ooh, we need to do better And that's okay. I think it comes down to this belief system, stuff in our unconscious right, because the record playing in Kev is this is gonna go horribly wrong. Unconsciously, the record playing in me is this is gonna be amazing And even sharing. That is scary for me, by the way, but I'm wrong because it never goes 10 out of 10. And you're wrong because it never goes zero out of 10, except for once.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but even that, even that it wasn't Made it work, yeah, we made it work. And here I think the interesting thing about it all is usually I don't even know how to explain this It's almost like, although I don't have a very high level of belief, i have a very high level of standards for what I deliver. So it's almost like, in a way, i'm kind of setting myself up for anxiety and then over delivery, in a way, and it's almost like you, your standards are super, super super high. You don't think about it before. Really, you're like, yeah, it's gonna be fine, even though the last one wasn't fine and the one before it wasn't fine, but it was fine for me, but for you.

Speaker 2:

You probably reflected and said how we have to do way better. It's it. But we, you and I this is the interesting thing, alan, i will do the same speech on stage together Right, it's very different perspectives. Obviously. This happened in Wisconsin when I was like dude, that was awesome, we crushed that. You're like dude, that was terrible. And I was like, no, no, no, that was our best Performed one. We did.

Speaker 1:

I'm certain of it.

Speaker 2:

I know it, i'm certain of it, because I can tell based on going off of Delivery.

Speaker 1:

Okay, deliver me, i'm going off of impact.

Speaker 2:

I know, but that's that's you and I. In a nutshell, i'm not worried about impacting. I'm worried about because I think the level, the level to which I perform, is the level to which I'll impact.

Speaker 1:

That's my belief yeah, but for me and this is, i don't want to go too far off the rails, but I Think that you connect, if I deliver well, i'll impact well. For me It's not that way, because I've had speeches that I thought I crushed, that didn't. People didn't like yes, fair, that's fair because and that's why for me It's like is it well received? because I, when it comes to the, the value of the actual speech, if anyone really Heard what I was saying and took it in, it would be very valuable. I don't feel. I feel like the knowledge and the expertise is there And the it's, the, it's the. Does it actually land for them? That's that's what I don't think I'm very good at. So I have to base it off that, because if I just base it off what I think, that's, i'm gonna think it's a great speech because It is really valuable, but it's not necessarily valuable for them at that, because they're middle school students.

Speaker 1:

Yeah so, like you know, i can give a neuroscience speech, but if it doesn't land for the middle schoolers, it doesn't matter well, this is a I don't want to go too far, yeah else here, but this is a really good.

Speaker 2:

It's just another layer for you. If you're listening of, okay, what happens when you decide I Do want to step up to the plate and I'm not afraid to swing, and I want to take a swing, and then you miss then what I get, then It's like there's another layer of okay, how do I approach that? for me, i, i mean, in the first warehouse job I didn't get it, so I didn't want to step up to the plate again. I Didn't want to set up. I didn't want to. I didn't want to step up with pain. Yeah, because I struck out.

Speaker 1:

I Struck out when you struck out, though, because that's what I think we got it swinging a miss Swinging a miss. Does it mean that you're not good enough? Is it? is it evidence to the proof?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's what it is right, it was a gimme job. I mean, it was like a very, very basic warehouse position where I Should have got the job.

Speaker 1:

But all you know, they just hired someone well.

Speaker 2:

I'm sure they definitely hired someone else.

Speaker 1:

It wasn't me for a gimme job. They're just gonna grab the first application off the top.

Speaker 2:

I was shiny though I'm here to deliver.

Speaker 1:

But what if? what if and this is for our listeners if kev unconsciously Him not getting that job means he's not good enough, Of course You're gonna avoid any evidence to that course. So it makes sense. But you that'll also keep you stuck forever. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

It's. I'm telling you the the reason, this cycle, the recent relevant proof thing. Okay, think of it this way Say you have an opportunity and you don't take it because you're afraid you're gonna fail The next time. This is what's gonna happen if you're looking at the most of recent proof, so the most Time appropriate proof. So last time I had the opportunity to get a new job, what did I do? and the relevant proof of like, what did I actually do and what was the result? last time? I didn't try and I didn't get it. You have to break the cycle between I'm gonna do the same thing this time. Then I know that's not the recent relevant proof You're looking for actually disproves That what you did last time is the way to do it. Just like, okay, we. I bombed a speech one time. I showed up with a flash card with five points and I was like this is gonna get me through 45 minutes, it's gonna be no problem. 15 minutes in, there was kids doing push-ups on the floor.

Speaker 2:

That's the easiest way, easiest way to almost lost to say and I almost lost, and Okay, next time. The most recent proof. So now I get another speech. The most recent proof is The last speech I did. Right, that's, it was three months ago. Okay, the most relevant proof is last time I did this I approached it negatively I need to change that. And Then I prepped really, really, really hard That. Now, why did I bomb that speech in the first place? because the first speech I prepped a ton for. The second speech my recent irrelevant proof was last one wasn't that hard. This is gonna be fine. Wrong, son, you're wrong.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that was a lack of humility. It was. Yeah, I think this is very vulnerable for us. I know we get a jump. I think you're optimizing not to fail more than you're to win.

Speaker 2:

It depends on the things.

Speaker 1:

Now I understand that it depends on the things for me, like um, do you think most people are optimizing not to fail, and I'll explain what that means.

Speaker 2:

I would say so. If you don't believe in yourself, you're you're most likely optimizing not to fail.

Speaker 1:

Okay. What optimizing not to fail means is You. You're, you're basically making decisions unconsciously. That will minimize the risk of you looking bad or being rejected. If I just want to share this, i don't do that. If I did that, we would be in serious trouble because Most of the things we do, we look bad and get rejected, yeah, and so just hopefully our listeners can flip that script. You've done a good job at that, but You're not teaching how to do it.

Speaker 2:

I don't know how to teach it yet, honestly, because the Allen, the way I learned is you just put me under massive pressure and I just survived. I'm not saying that's wrong, that's what needed to happen. So for me I don't have the, i don't have the playbook yet Like I understand it's small things, setting small goals, keeping small promises. I understand that. And like, self assigning the good stuff that you do, owning the stuff that you're not that great at yet, like that's all important. But I don't know, because I was just put under a massive amount of weight and it was like lift this lift is the podcast Speech.

Speaker 1:

Did you do that yet The?

Speaker 2:

So Brandon got us a no, I have a call with them tomorrow.

Speaker 1:

a podcast community Yeah, I'll talk to us about that real quick, because I'm not gonna be there.

Speaker 2:

I'm not worried at all about that.

Speaker 1:

But what's ironic is that, in order to get to a place where you're not worried at all, it took you 1400 episodes, 1400 episodes.

Speaker 2:

That's the interesting thing is. Look at the proof I have. Here's the interesting thing. This is the interesting thing The the conversation I'm so for for context. There's a group with 40,000 members or something and Brandon reached out and said hey, now this is Kevin, he's a podcast coach and all this. He'd love to add value, do a speech, whatever. I don't know, i don't know what's gonna come of it, but They are thinking more about my results than who I am. That's the only reason I'm even getting this meeting is because of this podcast. It's not me. I'm not gonna, i'm not going to Take that internally and say, oh, they didn't want to do the call, i'm terrible. It's just Because they're. They're basing that off the podcast. More than anything, the results we have. The results we have are one of the reasons we get the opportunities we get.

Speaker 1:

I Don't know how that's any different. That's always the case, right? Yeah, well, it's not when you don't have any results, because then you, then you own it as your own in a way, you do an episode on that at some point, because that goes back to like Are they judging? It's almost like you treat it differently When it has to do with you versus external things. You know, i mean, yeah, and maybe that's holding people back. I don't think I separate those Like. The podcast is our work.

Speaker 2:

That is a reflection of who we are, but they're not gonna listen to the podcast, they're not listening to the no, no.

Speaker 1:

They might Some of the audience will.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, but it's not. I'm I feel really good about this. I'm not worried about that. It's just when people I've gone on so many podcasts where they'll be something they say that's a tell that they have no idea what I do. Somebody yesterday said I really enjoy listening to you and your guests. It's like, well, I know you don't listen to the podcast because we haven't had guests in like two years.

Speaker 1:

Again bold-faced lies. Yeah, it's okay, no worries, i understand. Maybe they went to an old one, who knows?

Speaker 2:

They didn't. I could tell by the way they said it.

Speaker 1:

But that's okay.

Speaker 2:

Whatever, i don't care, but I know they're not actually listening to the show. I know they just see the results of the show.

Speaker 1:

It's that interesting Why does that change For anything for you? Why does?

Speaker 2:

that, because, if anything, i'm gonna over deliver In my mind Okay, if you've never heard me speak, if you've never heard me, Coach, oh, so you know, they have low expectations. Or Kind of. I think their expectations are probably under.

Speaker 1:

Meaning you're gonna over deliver.

Speaker 2:

I think we're better than our results actually show. Okay, you know like, yeah, we have 1400 episodes and we'll be over a million downloads this year. Awesome, that's great, but, like I, but my deep belief is we should be way further along in terms of our competence. I think we're really good at what we do, humbly, that.

Speaker 1:

Okay, what would be the case if they were expecting, you know, Like what would be the opposite. I don't understand.

Speaker 2:

The opposite.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, like what would make you, what would make you scared of this, where you aren't sure you want to swing, or if you tell yourself a story you don't want to swing, If I was going up against, if there was me and four other speakers who were more quote-unquote successful than us. That wouldn't affect me at all, i know, but it affects the audience.

Speaker 2:

I just want to understand why It affects the audience. It's not that it affects me necessarily, i just understand how it affects the audiences. What I say will be the least valuable, even if it's the most accurate And again, for the audience, we're digging layer. This is a layer of a layer, of a layer, but this is A lot of this is the thought process. You have your own. It's not in podcasting, we just talk about podcasting. It's the thing that we practice the most, so you're still optimizing.

Speaker 1:

not to lose that I would In a way, yeah. So let's say it was you, James Clear, Tony Robbins, Mel Robbins and Ed My Ladder, whatever And you'd be more scared, Definitely Why.

Speaker 2:

Definitely, because I'm not the podcast guy anymore. You Not compared to them, i'm not.

Speaker 1:

I don't feel like. I feel like, if anything, i would do better.

Speaker 1:

Because I would be pumped that I have. Maybe And I'm not saying I mean the audience wouldn't necessarily think I'm better. I'm not saying that because I think obviously perception matters, but it's just interesting and I think what I'm trying to do for the listeners to bring this back is Maybe Kevin and I having authentic conversations like this can help you see where you fall in this. Because, kev, that My fear would not increase or decrease whatsoever in both of those scenarios, hmm, it wouldn't change anything for me. I would just go do my best and Yeah, and then afterwards realize that I sucked and get better.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'm trying to avoid that.

Speaker 1:

You're trying to avoid sucking.

Speaker 2:

More than more than necessary. Yeah, of course, no reason to take an L, just take an L.

Speaker 1:

But L's are our wins.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but you can also win and take an L.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, because there's a percent amount.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, i see, yeah, it's like I want a 75% w and a 25% L. That's a per 80 20. Give me 80%. I do, you want 99 one I know, but I, i know, that's not, you realize.

Speaker 1:

It's not possible?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but it's almost like for you You're the opposite, like you're good with 80%, l, 20% When it's like. Well, i like the way I said that word. That was really powerful. Like everything else, though, probably for the trash, when neither of those are really true.

Speaker 1:

You know what I found out. you're optimizing for, i Think, the way the audience will receive it, but also the way you feel about your own performance. Definitely, i'm not optimizing for the way I feel about my own performance. I'm optimizing for long-term mastery, hmm, which is whatever is gonna get me to be a better speaker ultimately, which is probably why I get excited to speak next to them.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's fair because that's gonna make me better. Hmm, even if I suck in the moment, i don't care about that, that's fine. I just want to be a better speaker ultimately. So it's just time perspective, i think, underneath all this. Yeah it's almost like you're trying to protect From failure. I'm trying to ultimately succeed, And so I have to fail more in the along the way and you're, which almost like you're capable of receiving more failure too.

Speaker 1:

Yes, because that, because it will keep it won't stop me from continuing right, and that's what we've talked about in the past too, so maybe we should. I think something in this should be an episode. I'll ask.

Speaker 2:

I'm gonna have to listen back to figure out what exactly we again. This. This is a. I Don't know if there is a better representation of how to understand yourself at a deeper level other than to have a conversation like this, because, even though it wasn't directed towards you, if you're watching or listening, that was really Alan and I Exploring our awareness in real time and it's like, oh interesting, that's how I've gotten to where I am, that's how Alan's gotten to where. Okay, what can you take away from that? if you resonate more with me than Alan, you most likely are under with self-belief Yeah, most likely and I would argue your goals are probably too big right now and that's why you're not taking action on them.

Speaker 2:

Because I never would have done my first speech that soon. Never, never, never, never, never. The second speech I ever gave Was on a giant stage on the 14th floor of a fancy hotel in Florida With Eddie Panero, evan Carmichael, catherine Nash, never. What happened? that never would have been the second speech I did, or second time on stage. It wasn't really a speech, was an interview never.

Speaker 1:

Yeah it's, it's wild. You were you know. Yeah, it's, it's For the, for the listeners. Where do you fall in all this? Are you? because, if you think about it, that's a self-fulfilling stuck place? Yeah, because it's almost like you have to do something outside of what you would normally do In order to get proof that you never would have got because you obviously were capable of it. I mean, i have the proof, we did it right. So I always say this and I'm joking, but I also mean it like obviously I was more accurate about you.

Speaker 1:

Hmm then you were about yourself, because you're obviously you. You are more capable than you thought. I mean, isn't that obvious now?

Speaker 2:

yes, but again there's the fine line of Some days I didn't know if I was gonna make it. Yeah, so I don't know, like I don't know. That's why sometimes I say I don't even know if I Some. It's weird for me to be where I am Because looking back it's like dude, you know how much anxiety I had to go going and doing that speech. That's true.

Speaker 1:

God, it was brutal.

Speaker 2:

I bet and like Taren is there Traveling with us to Florida, the team is flying in. I'm picking people at the airport Like I don't know what the hell I'm doing wild time. We're broke.

Speaker 1:

We're taking quantum leaps. those days It's wild. It's wild, but I'm sorry It's 2020 hindsight is 2020.

Speaker 2:

I hope this was valuable to you if you're watching or listening. I know this is a little bit different, but This is a very hyper conscious episode because it's not to Alan's point. This is why growth is so hard, because you kind of need somebody there doing this with you. Imagine if I just did a soul, if I did a solo episode, i would. None of that would have happened.

Speaker 2:

Yeah that would have been. This is my story about Dunkin Donuts. Oh, maybe I would have connected. I applied to another warehouse and I didn't get it. That would have been the flow of the episode versus Kev. Can you explain this, alan? This is my. You need somebody. You would benefit from having somebody in your life who you can talk about deep shit with, pardon my French.

Speaker 1:

Definitely, as long as they actually want what's best for you, regardless of themselves, which find someone with high self-belief who is humble which is very hard to find, by the way It is, but this community has a ton of people that have high self-belief that are humble. We have some team members that are so much that it's it's crazy.

Speaker 2:

We have very exciting news. We have, as of last night, group 10 for group coaching ended. Group 11 is starting on July 11th and we have redesigned. It was Alan, myself and the wonderful Jesse on a call last night redesigning the entire Itinerary of this group coaching. So we are very excited. Ground up Redesign based on feedback, based on the last 10 groups. We've done this many, many times. We want to make sure it's as valuable as humanly possible. So if you want to be one of the first 10 people to experience this new group coaching style, please click the link in the show notes. It starts July 11th. We have a discount code for members of next-level nation, the amazing community. Just reach out to myself and or Alan Kevin at next level universe calm. Alan at next level universe calm, and ends up being, i believe, $96.60 per month after the discount code. So please reach out.

Speaker 1:

So if you have an iPhone, imagine going back to the very first iPhone and comparing it to the one you have. So this is the iPhone 14 in front of me. So that means 14 iterations of iPhone have come out, and the very first iPhone was 2007, when Kevin and I graduated high school, and in comparison it would not even be close. That's what group 11 imagine. That's the iPhone 11. We have revamped this thing and redesigned this thing and improved this thing. I mean, the curriculum is just world-class. We really hope you join us and Brenda, we hope you join us again. I think she's gonna do another round, all right. We also have a monthly meetup on The first Thursday of every month, which is going to be July 76.

Speaker 2:

I think it's July 7th. I know July 6th, you're correct.

Speaker 1:

You're correct July 6th, and I'm gonna read you what's on the website. The monthly meetup is a way for you to get to know the next level family, ask questions and Increase your knowledge in key areas of your life. Also, the monthly meetups are not recorded, nor posted anywhere. That is to create a safe space for everyone to learn and reach the next level. The reason those are not recorded is because it's it's a place where you can talk about things very vulnerably, very honestly, very openly, that your maybe you have shame or or guilt, or if you don't talk about the real stuff, you never solve the real stuff. And It's a safe space where people do talk about the real stuff that going through family challenges, intimate relationship challenges, you know, self-belief challenges, self-worth challenges. I hope that you join us for our next monthly meetup. The link to the landing page will be in the show notes tomorrow for episode number 1377, 2 of the biggest growing pains.

Speaker 2:

We have talked about growing pains so many times on this podcast. Whether it's our own clients, people, we know. But we kind of broke down growing pains into two Categories, two buckets, so we will talk about that tomorrow. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow. Well.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host