Next Level University

#1377 - 2 Of The Biggest Growing Pains

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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What if the key to unlocking your purpose lies within your deepest pain?  In this episode,  Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros explore this powerful concept and discuss how your greatest challenges can lead to your most profound personal growth. Kevin shares his journey of finding purpose through his struggle with achievement, while Alan reveals his own challenges with relationships.

In this eye-opening conversation, they examine two "buckets of pain" - feeling incapable of reaching your goals and feeling inadequate in social situations. They discuss how developing emotional intelligence, and self-belief is crucial in overcoming these obstacles and finding purpose in your life. Learn how to cultivate courage and vulnerability to better understand trauma, empathy, and the perceptions of others to navigate the often conflicting worlds of achievement and relationships. Tune in, be inspired, and come one step closer to realizing your true potential.

Links mentioned:

Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level U Book Club - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-book-club/

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on LinkedIn, Instagram, or via email

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

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Show notes:
[3:08] Where your deepest pain can come from
[5:00] Another bucket where your deepest pain can come from
[12:16] Courage and vulnerability
[14:15] Alex highlights how Next Level Business Solutions helped him optimize his time for maximum productivity
[16:21] On needing a therapist or a coach
[21:40] Working to achieve your goals vs. keeping friends
[24:45]Knowing your strength and receiving credit for it
[28:50] Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

Best in the world.

Speaker 2:

Is it me?

Speaker 1:

looking for. I need comedy in my life. Man Nice heavy, definitely Nice heavy man.

Speaker 2:

That was your trauma response.

Speaker 1:

Definitely Still is. I know, i'm just not a kid, i'm not kidding, i'm serious, it's not a joke, it's serious, i know.

Speaker 2:

In the back of my mind. It's like don't laugh.

Speaker 1:

It literally is I have this voice in my head that says don't laugh right now. That would be the worst.

Speaker 2:

It's a trauma response.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, just cry through the pain. You know, We all have ourselfs, We're all. We all have our stuff. Oh yeah, What are you doing over there? Look at my blue hands, man.

Speaker 2:

I see them A little weird mood now. I see them All right, I'm going to plug book club in.

Speaker 1:

Book club never gets the shine. It should, you know.

Speaker 2:

That's a fair assessment.

Speaker 1:

This Saturday at 12.30, we're going to give away a Mercedes. Make sure you join book club, Hi man.

Speaker 2:

You want to do this. We're not going to do that. Yes, I would like to do this All right man, We have one hour.

Speaker 1:

We're going to be fine.

Speaker 2:

Three episodes, let's go Three episodes 20 minutes.

Speaker 1:

You ready, here we go. Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we teach you how to level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode. It was episode number 1376. One simple question to ask yourself before you make a decision. Today for episode number 1377, two of the biggest growing pains Alan came up with this idea. It was kind of your idea for this episode. So I feel like two things. One last episode, i tried to say the one simple question to ask yourself before you make a decision and I butchered it pretty badly, so I'm not going to try that again. Two I can't steal your topic. Three, your landscapers are hammering it out there right now.

Speaker 2:

You can do that Now. I can hear It's.

Speaker 1:

OK, You got to do what you got to do. Hey, we all have a job to do. You got to do what you got to do.

Speaker 2:

I'm grateful for them just not in this particular moment.

Speaker 1:

It's OK, it's all good. We're going to power through, like we do, so the value. Why are we doing this episode? What does it all mean? Let's just start and go there.

Speaker 2:

Ok, so you've heard the quote that Kevin says where your purpose comes from your deepest pain.

Speaker 1:

That's Evan Carmichael. I can't take credit for that either.

Speaker 2:

Fair, i don't know where he got it.

Speaker 2:

But, yeah, Your purpose comes from your deepest pain And I've since coached a lot of different types of people And the human condition is the human condition but there's a lot of different nuances. It's kind of like we're all ice cream, but maybe Kevin is Rocky Road and I'm Black Raspberry and someone else's bubble gum ice cream. Ok, so we're all ice cream but we're all different flavors. Pretty cool analogy. When you eat enough ice cream in this analogy, or coach enough ice cream, he says pretty cool, pretty cool analogy huh Wink, wink, Pretty cool ice cream.

Speaker 1:

I see what you're doing.

Speaker 2:

Pun intended. I see what you're doing, So I actually didn't mean to do that.

Speaker 1:

but I know, but I own it.

Speaker 2:

So I eventually came to realize that our purpose does come from our deepest pain, which we've been saying. But our deepest pain differs greatly, and usually our deepest pain comes from one of two main areas. Ok, one of two main areas. Your deepest pain if you're out there listening, is either number one, from not being capable enough in terms of achieving the outcomes you want in life, aka goals OK, so if you feel like you're always behind, you feel like you don't have the career you want, you feel like you don't have the business you want, you feel like you don't have the outcomes you want, you feel like you aren't getting the fitness results you want, or the career goals you want, or the salary you want, or that kind of thing. Ok, so if you struggle to achieve your goals you genuinely struggle to achieve your goals your deepest pain is most likely feeling not capable enough. Ok, so this is the side of the spectrum that Kevin is on.

Speaker 2:

He doesn't feel capable enough and he didn't used to feel like he could achieve his goals and his dreams He wanted to drive around the US and win a big way back in the day with his buddies and drive.

Speaker 1:

ATVs, whatever. Whatever the mood, we know, whenever the mood was striking, we would do that thing, ok perfect And he said that but had no idea how to actually achieve it.

Speaker 2:

Wanted to be a professional fighter, didn't know how to do it all kinds of stuff You talked about on the last episode. A job that you applied to that you thought was a gimme, didn't get it. And then there was another job for $18 an hour that you didn't even apply to because you were too scared, you didn't think you were capable And you said verbatim even if I got the job, which I didn't think I was gonna, i didn't think I'd be capable of doing the job. Yeah, OK.

Speaker 2:

So Kevin's deepest pain comes from not achieving his goals not feeling good enough, not feeling smart enough, not feeling enough. Ok, that's bucket one. Bucket two is very different. Bucket two is you actually feel very capable, you feel smart enough, you feel good enough, you feel hard working enough. You feel like achieving your goals is, yeah, it's difficult at times, but it's pretty easy in comparison to most people. For me I'm in this bucket. I feel like achieving things that I set my mind to has never been super difficult, until I started this podcast with you, kev Mm-hmm, because in this podcast with you, achieving I'll give an example achieving a goal of.

Speaker 2:

I want to Get promoted in corporate America and make six figures. That always felt doable and it always felt like it came naturally to me. This podcast, on the other hand, didn't come as naturally to me, because I didn't realize I was talking to the other bucket, mmm. And now, as an older, wiser man, i realize, okay, i'm talking to a lot of people Who their deepest pain isn't my deepest pain. So in this bucket my bucket You feel very capable, you feel feel intelligent, you do feel like you're smart enough, good enough.

Speaker 2:

You know you have to grow and improve, for sure, but that all comes fairly naturally to you. But your deepest pain comes from getting along with others. Your deepest pain comes from being liked or fitting in. So if you're out there listening right now, do you feel like you naturally fit in with others? and if that's true, you most likely struggle to achieve your, your big goals.

Speaker 2:

You're most likely not as good at achievement. You're most likely struggling with self-belief, because it's very common to struggle with self-belief. If you're out there and you feel like you don't struggle with Achievement very much, you feel like you always achieve what you set your mind to. You most likely struggle to fit in, because that's very uncommon and Your deepest pain if you're great at achievement is most likely social pain Not not being liked, people being jealous of you, people trying to knock you down, not feeling like you fit in, being bullied. And if you're on Kevin's end, you most likely get along with everybody. You're easily likable, you're usually fun and funny, but you struggle to achieve your goals and you probably don't feel smart enough or capable enough, and I do think that that is true for every one of us, and I think that There are some people in the middle that struggle with both and that's a whole nother level of challenge.

Speaker 1:

But usually your deepest pain is more social or more achievement hmm, it's interesting because when you're saying that, it's like It kind of makes sense why, if achievement is easy, relationships might be hard, because what's Necessary for achievement is rare and a lot of people aren't gonna like that. Yep, right, unless you're surrounded by people who are focused on achievement. But the people who are focused on achievement Aren't really focused on relationships. Yep, so then that's, that's a whole nother thing. I I was talking to somebody recently. I went on her show and then I did a free call with her and again, i might be a podcast coach, but we talk about all sorts of stuff and this was the first time I was actually capable of recognizing that the.

Speaker 1:

Oh, my goodness, you most likely have been Hated on for most of your life Because we were talking about something and she was, i don't know. She was talking about her neighbor. She's like, yeah, my neighbor hates me. She's always like calling people, it's. She's like I don't know, i don't get it. And I said that's happened to you often, hasn't it? and she said yeah, yeah, and we went into it. I was like you have ten out of ten belief in herself. She runs a high-level financial planning company for what like legacy planning, for what happens to you after you pass on, and she works with Very wealthy individuals. It's like, oh, interesting, okay, but you believe anything is possible. She's again. You know I can do like pretty much anything.

Speaker 2:

It's like oh my goodness interesting, but here's the end.

Speaker 1:

This is the thing Self-conscious, Scarce kev. I wouldn't be able to hang out with that person.

Speaker 2:

No way Yeah and you know what either face the fact that you're not confident or you'd have to villainize her.

Speaker 1:

I would. I would have most likely villainized her in the past. I've said that many times on here and other shows. I don't know if 26 year old kev would like this version of me. I don't think he would. I think you'd be very intimidated, or I.

Speaker 2:

Think you would. I don't because I think your core didn't change.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but it's not about the core, it's about what you see. Your. You have a wonderful core, it's not. It's not that I Never valued your core Yeah, that wasn't it. It was just that's not what I saw. And the closer I got to you, the more I see how much you care and you know why you do this. But I didn't see that the beginning. It's like what do you mean? You? can you're the best? like? what are you talking about? You know, that's all I, that's all I was capable of seeing at the time. And here I am thinking I'm not that good at anything. How dare you, how dare you think you're the best at anything? I'm not good at anything. That it's just There's so much contrast so it's almost. It's almost like you're set up to kind of be angry at the other side in a way. I know that. you know it's like if you have a level 10 belief in yourself, you're gonna and I'm not saying Intentionally, but you might accidentally look down on people and be like why aren't you accomplishing more?

Speaker 2:

I don't believe in myself.

Speaker 1:

Oh, okay, i don't know what that's like. And then, on the other end, people. People might say, oh, how could you be so full of yourself? Well, i'm not full of myself. I just believe in myself, though, that What I see is you're full of yourself, because I don't know what it's like. Very interesting, how it's. Yeah two sides of a Of a coin and it creates pain.

Speaker 2:

It creates pain and you know there's little t trauma and big t trauma, and Your, your trauma is either You find it really difficult to coexist and get along with others or You find it really difficult to be competent, capable and Achieve your goals. And I do believe it is that simple and and here's the thing We've said this many times on this podcast if you want to coach, you need a therapist. I Wanted a coach. I have a therapist and I needed a therapist way more than I needed a coach. If you want a therapist, you need a coach, and I do believe that's because of this.

Speaker 2:

I had this really Profound moment recently where I realized that working harder and working smarter isn't going to do it for me, because those are. That was the paradigm I'm already running. If working harder and working smarter was the issue, now, don't get me wrong. I'm still going to work harder and smarter, of course, but that's natural. I I love that. I love that.

Speaker 2:

For me, it's courage and vulnerability, and brunet brown talks about how you can't have courage without being vulnerable, and so It's emotional intelligence, it's emotional regulation, it's courage, it's vulnerability, it's Understanding trauma, understanding what it does to your body, understanding Other people's perception of you, understanding empathy, understanding other people who don't have self-belief and what that might be like. So I feel very strongly that The medicine that will cure one patient will actually harm another. And that's why this podcast is challenging, because We're trying to give you both doses For both sides of both coins. Only one coin, but it started cooler the other way, right? Oh, and it's interesting. So if you're on Kevin's side and you feel like your deepest pain is, honestly, i don't know how I'm gonna achieve my dreams, you want a beach house and you don't feel like you can get it, i don't. That's not my deepest pain. You know, if I wanted a beach house, i would have one, and I know how arrogant that comes off, but it is true, i could have afforded one back in my early 20s. You know, i think that's not my issue, but that might be yours. So here's what you do hire a coach who doesn't have that issue. They'll teach you how to do it. They'll teach you how to. I can teach you how to get a beach house. I have clients right now that are Going to have a mansion in the mountains. I've taught them exactly how to do it. They're saving a thousand bucks, like every single month each. It's unbelievable, you know. A thousand bucks total, so 500 each, but I think they're ahead of schedule. I think it might even one that the point is. It's not that difficult, in my opinion, to Saved by a mansion, and I'll share this with our listeners.

Speaker 2:

Giving a speech that I think would be valuable in front of a hundred people, personally I feel like wouldn't be that challenging. But giving a speech where every one of those hundred people would like me at the end of it feels genuinely impossible for me. And you want to talk about self-belief. I have no belief that that's possible. I don't even think I could do it if I tried at least not staying me. There's gonna be someone in that audience who just hates me, just doesn't like me, thinks I'm arrogant or full of it or cocky or whatever. And eventually and that's the social pain, right, if you're easily liked, you're probably Don't have any pain associated with that, but you're probably scared to give a great speech. You're probably afraid your speech isn't gonna be good. Usually, yeah, less than ever, but It's interesting the other side.

Speaker 2:

That's all I'm saying is go.

Speaker 1:

I wonder I wonder what side is easier to work on.

Speaker 2:

They're both pretty pretty challenging, i think, but again, of course I'm gonna put that.

Speaker 1:

Well, i mean, they are. They both are. I'm just thinking to myself, i don't know, is it?

Speaker 2:

interesting how you got a therapist and you needed coaches. Well, I definitely got a coach and I need.

Speaker 1:

I definitely, i definitely need a therapist at the time too. Yeah, fair, but that you said something recently on an episode. You're like Kev. I think it's time for you to get therapists. Like Alan I it's not. I'm not afraid to get a therapist. That's not why I don't have one, i'm not afraid at all. That's not why I don't have one. I'm not afraid at all. Zero, there's no part of me That's afraid of that. It's just, it was time and I didn't have insurance. I don't want to pay out of pocket. That was really the. The truth I'm not afraid of. I'm not afraid to talk to a therapist at all. Would you be afraid to get a coach? Um, no, i don't think so. I don't think so. I've. We've had enough at this point.

Speaker 2:

No, but you were in the beginning.

Speaker 1:

In the beginning I was afraid to do both.

Speaker 2:

Pardon my friendship with the kids listening. I know a lot of our listeners have children that listen You were shitting kittens before the Evan Carmichael coaching calls Definitely.

Speaker 1:

But that's understandable given how those went Well, and it was that's Evan Carmichael That I know to you. I know TU I still have that moment For those listening, evan Carmichael.

Speaker 1:

If you don't know who he is, he's a big YouTuber and he's very well connected and one of the most successful people in our industry. And I can send him a DM right now and say hey, evan, what's going on? And he'd get right back to me Like we're buddies now. That's weird. For me That's super weird, super, super, super weird. I never thought that was gonna happen. You know it's weird. So I had a very interesting moment. I want to share this with the audience because I think this is very valuable.

Speaker 1:

I did a podcast pre-call recently and the guy logs on and he's like outside The Wi-Fi is terrible. And he's like are you coming on my show? Am I coming on your show? Like what's the deal? And I was like we don't have guests, so I must be here to be on your show. He's like sounds good, awesome, let me walk you through what we do here. I was like sure, let's do it. And he said what I usually do is you'll come to me with a problem and I'll consult with you live and I'll help you, try to solve your problem. What do you think? And I was like no, no, no, no, can't do it, can't do it. I said I am so afraid of sounding arrogant in this moment. I apologize, i do not want to come off as arrogant. And to his credit, he was like no dude, you're good. And I said, but I don't need your help. Like I'll go to Alan.

Speaker 2:

Alan knows I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it.

Speaker 1:

And I said you got to understand. I know and here this will sound arrogant and I know that saying it, I know you have like seven businesses and you're a multimillionaire, but we're going to be where you are in a few years. We're just not there yet. It's not that we don't know how to do it. I don't know how to do it. Alan knows how to do it And maybe I know more than I used to, obviously, But all it is is time. It's just the time perspective of you don't necessarily know what I don't. You're just further along And I had to say that. I was like I'm sorry if this sounds arrogant, but we're going to be fine. The issues that we're having are not most likely not the issues that you had, because our goals are bigger. That's all Right, And we're not trying to do what you're doing. That's okay. I'm not making that wrong. But it would be wildly, It would be a little reckless for me to let you coach me live.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Because it's not real. I would have to make up a problem That You love. When that happens, you and I go somewhere and somebody is. I think we talked about this in a recent episode. Here's why I struggle, because I literally have to Watch you dance around it.

Speaker 1:

I have to make up a problem. It's not a real problem. That it's not real. If I have a problem, i come to you Now is Alan the end-all, be-all wizard and knows everything? No, obviously there's stuff he doesn't know. But would I trust Alan more than anybody else? Yeah, that's why we're business partners, right, like I have to believe that. But that was very weird for me, because here's what happens. I normally would have fond and just done it and said like yeah, okay, that's good, that sounds good because I'm here. What was?

Speaker 2:

the problem you were going to come up with. I don't know. I was thinking You have one in the chamber.

Speaker 1:

Marketing. Usually, i just think marketing. Yeah, i think we need help with our marketing Marketing.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

But it was really hard for me to.

Speaker 2:

Oh, that would have been brutal if you did that, i know, i know.

Speaker 1:

I do value relationships. If I was afraid to look bad, i was afraid to hurt his feelings, i was afraid that he wouldn't like me. That was all going through my head, and I send Alan an audio. I was like he'd be so proud of me, because that's the opposite. I don't like doing that. I don't like that. That sucks. That was your truth, though, yeah, but that's also the truth that I haven't been brave enough to share many times over the last six years.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, hardest thing ever. That I agree with.

Speaker 1:

It's brutal, it's super hard to share. I think that from the perspective of It's almost like It's interesting One of the things we pride ourselves on is putting wind into the community sales But also we share the fact that when you Maybe you eventually will go from not being really good at relationships and not knowing how you're going to accomplish your goals to really understanding how you're going to accomplish your goals, and then it gets weird on the other side too, because then it's like oh, this isn't necessarily what's best for this relationship. I'm never going to talk to this person again.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, very weird. There is a rolling theme. I know we got to jump. There's a rolling theme that when you come on the NLU team I didn't mean to rhyme that, but it's working That you are going to lose all your friends. And we're being playful.

Speaker 1:

There's some great jokes over here.

Speaker 2:

You know, We've got some really good jokes. Yeah, what we're really doing is masking the pain of the truth That if you What the truth underneath that is, when you come on the NLU team, you're going to start growing exponentially And you're going to start focusing more on your goals and dreams and less on your relationships. And the non-growth relationships are most likely going to slip away More than they were before. And that's just the way it works. And so if you're more focused on achievement than you are relationships, you're most likely going to attract other achievers. If you're more focused on relationships, you're most likely going to surround yourself with people who are not achievement-oriented and then become even less achievement-oriented. So it's almost like all of us have to get outside our comfort zone and try to surround ourselves with at least one person in the opposite bucket. So let's have that be the practical thing.

Speaker 2:

You know, if you're out there and you feel like your deepest pain is social, you're going to have to find someone who can help you be courageous and vulnerable around others And who is a safe space for you to share your truth with. Like, honestly, i don't feel understood or seen valued in this friend group or whatever it is. If you're on the other end and you feel not capable enough and you feel like you Don't know how to achieve your goals. Find someone who's a rock star at achieving what they want. I mean, i know that in the beginning, kev, you knew you. You had more certainty in my corner because you knew that I Was achievement oriented and that I had a High probability of achieving what I set my mind to.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and so it's a really good play. That was a good play and I I wonder if people are doing that enough. I mean, you just got to get around winners Because they they'll rub off on you, you know, and you're not gonna lose your ability to be great at relationships. You're gonna keep that part of you and and you're gonna evolve it into the better life that you want.

Speaker 1:

Oh, and you can practice teaching somebody else, right? I didn't know how quote-unquote good I was at that until you and I started talking and you would ask or say like, hey, you're really good at that. It's like, oh really, i don't. I don't know, i'm you, i'm just used to doing things this way, just like you're used to doing things your way. That's the other thing too. Some of us don't even know what our great strengths are is because we've never been around somebody whose strength is our Weakness, whose weaknesses our strength that, and then they give you credit for it so much self-discovery in that, because it's like, oh, you're like really good at that, but that's really partially because I suck at it, you know.

Speaker 2:

So of course I'm gonna know, where, as if you're around, a bunch of people that are similar to you. They all have that strength probably you know.

Speaker 2:

So, hmm, yeah, it's interesting, but but it's hard on the ego because There's a part of me out the last thing I promise There's a part of me that envies How likable Kevin is. And I had this really very real moment, at next level live, of like I'm never gonna be as likable as him And I don't think I'm supposed to be, i don't know. I'm never gonna be as relatable and as likable, and There's a part of me that has always wanted that, because I've always felt like it wasn't easy for me to get along with other people, and I also had a similar moment where it was like well, i'm also better at achievement than him and I believe in myself more. And It's not like and I think in some ways you might be jealous of how, how confident I am Definitely. And it's just that weird thing where it's like you want my confidence, i want your likability and honestly, i don't know if you can have them both. Mean, maybe you can I don't know but, not unconsciously.

Speaker 1:

I think you have to consciously do it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you have to practice the thing that you're you know, Which is drive to five.

Speaker 1:

I Want to do something. Maybe, i don't know. I'd like to make this maybe a recurring thing, because you, you did it you said like this is the tactical takeaway. Maybe we can have like a next level lesson. But the next level lesson is the, the takeaway that you do. I just can't think of anything else that starts with L Next level.

Speaker 1:

L something that starts with L, that's taking action. Maybe I'll do some research, but I think a really good first step is Next time you Come across somebody who is the opposite of you, catch yourself in your thoughts. Catch yourself in your thoughts because If you automatically say that person is bad or that person must be blank, that's a really good place just to redirect that thought and that's just a simple place to start. So that would be my little next level lesson. I like that next level lesson.

Speaker 2:

I do too. Yeah, Well done sir. I appreciate that very much next level, lethargic, of course you would.

Speaker 1:

Next level nation. If you listen to us every day, if you, well, first of all shout out to you, if you listen to us seven times a week But you most likely are into growth You wouldn't listen to us and you you probably wouldn't like either of us if growth wasn't something that was important to you. If you are struggling with the relationship side of things, join our private Facebook group, next level nation. You'll feel like you belong. You'll feel like you can actually post stuff that you really believe. You don't have to hide Behind an Instagram profile or a TikTok profile. You can actually be yourself. You'll belong as yourself and that's what we're all looking for. So link will be in the show notes. Next level nation Facebook group.

Speaker 2:

Belonging is feeling seen, feeling Understood and feeling valued. That is what we try to create at next level university, next level nation and also in book club. We're reading a book called how emotions are made right now. It is a deep dive into emotional intelligence. So if you want to join us, it's every Saturday at 12 30 pm Eastern Standard Time. The link to register or the link to the landing page will be in the show notes tomorrow for episode number one thousand three hundred and seventy eight.

Speaker 1:

You don't want to be the best person in the room, so that actually connects nicely to what we talked about today. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU We do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2:

Keep growing through your deepest pain. Next level nation.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host