Next Level University

#1378 - You Don’t Want To Be The “Best” Person In The Room

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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In this episode,  Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros uncover the tremendous benefits of surrounding yourself with people with higher standards than you and how it can lead to continuous growth and self-improvement. Discover the impact of a positive attitude towards those with higher standards and how this approach can elevate your personal and professional life. They delve into the importance of setting high health, wealth, and love standards and the challenges of maintaining them.

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Show notes:
[3:29] Be around people who have higher standards than you
[13:07] What separates you from other people
[14:48] Alex highlights how Next Level Business Solutions helped him optimize his time for maximum productivity
[16:25] Know where you're at
[19:48] Your standards can fall slowly without you knowing
[23:19] One standard fell to allow other standards to rise
[27:42] Are your results going in the right direction?
[31:37] Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

All right now. One, two, three, four, five, six. one, two, three, four, five, six. Wow, it's amazing news. All right, you ready.

Speaker 2:

Nope, okay.

Speaker 1:

Here we go, next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we teach you how to level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode, episode number 1,377, two of the biggest growing pains today. For episode number 1,378, you don't want to be the best person in the room. I had a very serious, intense coaching call today And these two clients of mine they're amazing. It wasn't super intense or super serious. It was serious but nothing negative.

Speaker 1:

I said, hey, i hate to be a pain in the ass, but that's kind of what you're paying me for. You're kind of paying me to be a pain in your ass because I have higher standards than you do when it comes to most of the stuff you do, just because I have to have higher standards in order to get to where we've gotten to. So we were talking about social media and I said I'm gonna say the same thing I've been saying for the last month. We got to start posting on social media. I gotta be a pain in the ass again. And I said you know what we need to do. This is what we need to do. I need one of you to have a higher standard than the other person and I need you to lead. I need you to lead this other person to post on social media. I said I'm gonna keep it real with you. Sometimes Alan's a pain in the ass, sometimes he's a pain in the ass, but when you have a higher standard in something and somebody has told you that they would like to get more results in that, you're supposed to be a pain in the ass. That's kind of how it works. It's just a friendly hey. The speed limit's 65 and you're only doing 50. It's just a friendly one of those of hey.

Speaker 1:

Remember how, at the beginning of the year, you said you wanted X to happen. We're not really, you're not gonna get X with what you're putting in. And I said and we laughed about it, it was a really funny conversation. But I said that's just kind of how it is. One of you has to raise your standards because every time we leave, you go do your thing and then I see you again two weeks later but nothing's changed because I'm not around. The standard hasn't changed yet.

Speaker 1:

So when we're talking about you don't wanna be the best person in the room. We're gonna. Obviously there's gonna be a lot we dive into. But the thought behind this is you wanna be around people who have higher standards than you and you also. Yeah, i mean that really is it, because you're gonna learn stuff. You're going to elevate your own level of self-improvement, you're gonna learn more about you. There's gonna be more opportunities. But here's the thing, going back to the previous episode about achieving goals versus social pain that the two kind of things people deal with when it comes to growth.

Speaker 1:

If you have a negative association with somebody who has very high, oh, your video froze again. I got nervous. Somebody has very high standards and you run away from that, you're not going to reap the Rewards of that. I used to have a fitness coach who his standards were drastically higher than mine. He didn't miss anything, anything, and there was that part of me, anytime I was around him, who I would push myself to the next level just to keep up, and that's not a bad thing. Now, what I never did was I never villainized him for that. So that's again. That's deeper in the conversation. But that really is the goal and I know Because I hired him. You can't. It's interesting. You can't hire somebody and then villainize them for the what you hired them for It's not, that's a.

Speaker 2:

You know what I mean? No, i do. I think that's one of the reasons I adore coaching. Yeah, because it gives me sort of permission to have higher standards than the other person.

Speaker 1:

That's what people are. That's really what people are paying for. Yeah and why do you? why do you go out to a? This is kind of the analogy I've used Before is what's the difference between McDonald's and the Capitol Grill? Capitol Grill I don't know if the Capitol Grill is all over the place, but in New England It's a very high quality steakhouse. The standards are different Standards. That's all the standards and the expectations and the experience and all that.

Speaker 2:

Now This goes back to the last episode a lot, if you have, and I want to actually ask you a question on this Kev. I Remember how uncomfortable I was when I would work out with my old fitness coach, mmm, because I knew he was Watching everything and observing everything, that I was probably doing wrong And he lifted you know four times as much as me, blah, blah. But I also was super inspired by that and it made me better and it it was really good for me. I think Very rarely do I feel Too far outside my comfort zone, to where it's not productive, and I think that it's good for me to Get around people that have higher standards than you and I, i, i, i also think that that gets more challenging as you grow, if you keep growing and growing, and growing and growing, and growing, and growing And growing. I know that there's certain people out there that have higher standards than us in each area, but I don't know if I've come across anyone who has higher standards than us holistically and it makes sense.

Speaker 2:

We have a holistic podcast right health, wealth and love And I've talked about it before. I have mentors that are wealthy but not healthy. I have you know mentor. That's really healthy, but not wealthy.

Speaker 2:

And then I have healthy and wealthy mentors that are, you know, not in love at all and, you know, take better care of their car. Then they do their own kids. And for me, no, i don't, i don't want to. Meeting by example is everything to me. So. So Later on in life it gets more challenging to find people to Hold the mirror and hold the standard above you, and that's been fascinating. But I want to ask you this What Was it like in the beginning to Surround yourself with so many people that had such higher standards than you in the beginning?

Speaker 2:

Because, well, i don't think that's true anymore. Mmm, in the beginning I mean pretty much all the people we interviewed had higher standards than you, at least at the time.

Speaker 1:

It depends on what we're talking about. There was always this interesting moment Where I would tell Alan We would have a guest on and they'd run like five minutes behind And I always used to say to Alan Ah nice, now I'm in the power position. Remember, i used to say that yeah.

Speaker 1:

I'd instantly get more confident because, i Don't know, yeah, people had higher standards than some things, but when it came to being on time, being a good interviewer, having the right technology, i think we were usually pretty high. Yeah, i mean, do we ever really see anybody who had nicer studios than us, even though we didn't have nice studios? not really.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, not really.

Speaker 1:

or the tech set up Yeah so I don't even think, i Don't even know if I was thinking of that, and then we were really focused on standard of character too.

Speaker 2:

Yes, who are you when no one's watching that kind of thing?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I don't think I felt out outside of comfort with that. Now, money a lot of our mentors had a higher standard of living than we did. That was hard. That was hard. Talk about that, i mean. Yeah, i just I Think one of the reasons it was so hard is because I never really felt like they understood me. You know, like when's the last time you were broke In millionaire person, millionaire mentor? like when's the last time you were broke and you didn't have to think about money?

Speaker 2:

Or every day had to think about money. Oh yeah, and you had to think about money before you did anything.

Speaker 1:

There's been a long, long, long time, but I don't know. I never really connected that to a standard. I connected that more to other things. What they did, it wasn't really a standard thing for me. This, this was something you have been focused more on than I have.

Speaker 2:

For sure I I uh, what I want to share with the listeners. First and foremost, let's talk about standards. For a second, if you have a higher goal, that means you probably have higher self-belief or delusion, okay, and if you do have That higher goal you are. It will require a higher standard.

Speaker 2:

Kevin and I talk about the time when Someone came to us and said Don't you think that's too many episodes and for what we're shooting for, which is 1% improvement per day? No One episode a day is perfect actually for what we're shooting for, and we had way higher podcast standards than that person. It's actually not even close, and I didn't like how someone with lower standards was trying to give us advice. That happens often, actually, and I Don't like to learn from people who don't have a higher standard inside themselves than I do inside of me. Now, i Remember one time I'll never forget it You told me that sometimes you're intimidated to be around Emilia. Hmm, my girlfriend And I do see why that is now Because Emilia has the highest standards internally of anyone I've ever personally met. I know my mom is like always, somewhat unconsciously tiptoeing around her because Emilia is very.

Speaker 2:

She's very well put together, Yeah and she's always watching how you treat people and and you know She's just a very well put together, virtuous human. I Was talking to my therapist earlier and I was just saying like I don't understand why so many people villainize her. She's like the sweetest person in the entire world. I've lived with her for almost two years and I've never once, not once, seeing her do a negative thing that hurt anyone or anything. She won't even kill a spider. She wants me to like grab it and put it outside, you know, and it like she never litters, she picks up trash. She's just the sweetest person in the entire world.

Speaker 2:

But I came to realize one of the reasons why she gets villainized Is because it's this standard thing. I think that people get frustrated with people who hold such a high standard Because it's kind of like what we talked about in the last episode of And on this episode being a pain in the ass. Hmm, if, if she's beautiful and hard-working and intelligent and educated and a sweetheart and virtuous and generous and wealthy, that's got to make people feel insecure, yeah, and if their response to that is negative, i guess it. It doesn't make it right, but it does make sense And I've felt that when I first started living with her She has higher standards for learning than I do, like she'll read more books And I would like watch a movie. And I remember feeling like a little bit of guilt of like she's studying while I'm like Watching a Disney film here And I remember having that, ah, that's a little bit of pain in the ass, a little bit, it's like because I don't want to feel bad for the one thing that I love, that I want to do.

Speaker 1:

But I also had.

Speaker 2:

That second moment of this is what I want. She makes me better. She makes me want to be better. She inspires me, and so it's this weird duality of can you inspire others without holding a Better standard? I don't know if you can't.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's a great question. I mean, what separates you from other people? It's kind of your standards If you find that you're nicer, if you would self-identify as somebody who is really nice. if you're listening to this, you probably have higher standards than the way you treat people because, when you don't meet that standard, you feel bad. So it's almost like that.

Speaker 2:

And you probably think a lot of people are mean.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, probably, it's almost like a self-regulation thing. Your standards determine what is in alignment and what's not in alignment. But that's why being around certain people is so valuable, because it's almost. The interesting thing is, for many of us we don't really get to see someone. We only get to see what someone's created. But then when you spend time around someone, you actually get to see the standards that have created the thing. Yeah, i think that's a very big cheat code, because it actually shows you what's behind the curtain. Now here's the interesting thing It goes both ways. You and I have met people and said, oh my God, how the hell did they get so successful?

Speaker 2:

How did that happen? They're not a good person Through martini lunches, Come to find out.

Speaker 1:

You don't have to be a good person and be very successful, depending on what you're doing. That's really the interesting thing. I don't know. I think maybe in retrospect I would have changed the title of this because you don't want to be the best person in the room. because if you're the best person in the room, then you're not able to leverage other people's standards for your own benefit.

Speaker 2:

Everyone has a higher standard in something, but I think what you can do this is what I try to do is I try to find the standard. We talked on a recent episode about a mastermind group that we were in that Kevin was struggling to be coached by someone who. That was really fun for me. But I actually went to the one arena where he had a higher standard than me, where he had faced a lot of the stuff about not having a father and his relationship with his father. I should say I hadn't at that point had the courage to message my stepdad. I went to the one place that I knew he was ahead for sure, because that's how you grow. What I realize now in hindsight is that's dangerous, because if you're always going to the one place that you're the weakest, people will perceive you as that. So he saw himself a little bit as a mentor after that and it was like no, no no, but that one area.

Speaker 2:

Then after that he's like do you want a business mastermind? It's like, no, not really. I mean, if you want to coach with me, we can, but no. And again, as arrogant as that might have sounded, it's important to know where you're at. You've got to know where you're at. I want to share this as well.

Speaker 2:

I was with Kev at the Next Level Hope Foundation this past weekend and it was so much fun. It was way more successful than we thought it was going to be. It was amazing. It was fun work. Thank you so much everyone who contributed. And I told Kev I said and I wish that I had told you this in the past, because you used to be the guy Like Kevin was the fitness guy.

Speaker 2:

I mean, he had the highest standards. You were always the most in shape, you were always the leanest, you were extremely athletic, you were super hardworking and you used to inspire me. But I never went and told you that And, ironically, what I ended up telling him was when, basically after Next Level Hope Foundation, i kind of cried behind the scenes a little bit of dude. I used to feel like your standards were higher than mine and I don't think that's true anymore, and not to take anything from you, but I had another moment during that moment of well, i never really told him how much he's inspired me before, at least not maybe as much as I should have.

Speaker 2:

But I think that that's one thing I want to get across here is Kev, you used to inspire all of us 100% in fitness And it was hard to lose that a little bit of like okay. So Kev's standard is not what it used to be And it's gone way up in business, way up in relationships, way up in everything else, way up in money, way up in character, but it's gone down in fitness because that used to be a big part of your whole world. And that's what I want to share with everyone is you are inspiring people with your standards. They just might not be telling you because I didn't tell you. I mean, i'm sure I was showing it, you know, i'm sure you did.

Speaker 1:

I don't, i don't know if it was ever that straightforward, but I'm sure you showed it in other ways. I just don't, i don't remember.

Speaker 2:

I don't think I hit it. I definitely don't feel like I'm the type of person who hides my admiration, but I don't think I was like hey, kev, like you inspire me constantly And you've made me better in fitness because of your own standard, and I don't like people who don't lead by example. I don't, i don't want to, i don't. For me, you were a big part of the people that I looked up to in fitness. It was you, matt and Nate, and it was hard for me to lose that. Nate and I aren't as close anymore And that's my by choice, matt and you. Your standard isn't the same as it was, and it makes sense because you've both evolved as men. But I I'm trying to hold a higher standard than I used to hold, and that's challenging because I used to have all of you kind of raising the bar for me And now I have to raise my own bar, which is way harder.

Speaker 1:

Well, and then we had, we had a conversation, and I said Alan, it's not my job to inspire you. I didn't say it like that, that no, i know it was like.

Speaker 1:

I think that's the next step. And here's the interesting thing too. It's. It's interesting how I don't know if your standards will ever go from like 10 to five overnight, but they can slowly change negatively without you knowing. Yeah, it's like 10 out of 10 standards, like 9.6. And then eventually, that's the I mean. That is. The truth is, i'm not happy with where I am, physically Definitely not, and I have my, my goals and I'm on now. But it's yeah, there's no way 26 year old Kev would ever let 30. Well, 27 year old Kev looked the way I do today. No way.

Speaker 1:

No 26 year old Kev say I don't know, get your shit together, probably.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's the only 26 year old Kev had lower standards. correct me if I'm wrong. in everything else, Yes, definitely Okay, but he had much as I entered in fitness.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Speaker 2:

That to me same My I look at my 28 year old self best shape of my life And I had lower standards back then for who I spent time with lower standards for my habits, lower standards for business, lower standards for character, lower standards and they weren't low standards, but they were lower than they are now. My fitness standards were higher And to me that is deeply painful. Yeah my 28 year old self would kick my ass. But it's hard to get it together, man. Yeah, how do you?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, because it's almost like, and we always find a way to talk about belief. It's not that I don't believe I can ever look like I used to, but you know I believe it'll be worth it. Yeah, i don't know if I'm willing to do what it takes. That was so hard. Oh yeah, it was brutal. I can't imagine doing that And what we do, and everything else today.

Speaker 1:

So I've been dieting for three days, eating 1780 calories a day. I've been eating 1780 calories a day. I've been eating 1780 calories a day. I've been eating 1780 calories, i think, right now. And today I opted for extra sleep. I got a 91 sleep score. I needed it. I haven't been sleeping super well. I've been getting up. It's been just getting back into the gym is the whole thing, go figure.

Speaker 1:

So I went to the gym at like after our podcast this morning. I had a block and I was going to go to the gym. I'm going to get some boxing in and do some cardio. I come back and I have a meeting immediately. I'm still wearing my gym clothes. Right now I'm still in my gym clothes that I was wearing earlier. What I wear when I box, i just wear a big t-shirt. So I come back, i'm on a meeting immediately. I walk in the door, i put my stuff down, i come into the office, i shut the door, i turn my stuff on. Two minutes later I'm on a meeting. Then, after that meeting, i have a half hour between my next call. So I made food I need to refuel. I literally had four minutes after I finished my meal to like go to the bathroom, refill my water and get on my next call. It is so humbling.

Speaker 1:

It is so humbling to try to do everything, and I like working out in the morning, not at night. Being in shape feels like a full-time job. It really does.

Speaker 2:

And again.

Speaker 1:

I understand this is like a, you know it's not a super. It's probably not a super easy problem to sympathize with. I understand it. In the grand scheme of things, there are much bigger problems, But I want to be in better shape. I really, really, really do. It's just the standards fell to allow other standards to raise And I don't know, Is there another way?

Speaker 2:

I don't know. If you look at the amount of time in a day, right. so you sleep eight hours you should, i think and then you have 16 hours left Where you allocate. that time and effort has to be spread up, right. If you and I order pizza, we only each get half, or I get 80%, you get 20%.

Speaker 1:

Well, that's probably what's for best right now. You know what I'm saying. You're going to have 80%.

Speaker 2:

Well, i am in a pole, but the? The answer is but it's and this is another episode, so we won't go down the rabbit hole here. But it is possible to work smarter in less time and be more effective in less time, and to design your life to where fitness becomes a higher standard than it has been lately. Yeah, yeah for sure. And I don't want us blaming COVID we've talked about this too much. But after COVID, that's when the slow standard slipping happened for both of us, and as your standard slipped, so did mine. And all I know is are our standards going in the right direction? And so that's the question for the listeners Where are your standards for health Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual where are your standards?

Speaker 2:

Are you around other people with higher standards than you? If not, why not? Where are your standards for wealth? Are you making more money today than you used to make? Are you making less money today than you used to make? Why might that be? And then love, are your standards ridiculously high for your relationship? Or have you let the law of familiarity creep in? and now you're five years in and it's not as big a deal, but it's slowly slipping, slowly slipping, slowly slipping, and you don't want your partner to wake up one day and go. You know, honestly, you're not really treating me the way you once did. Our relationship doesn't have the fire and the passion it once did. It is so difficult to holistically hold standards And Kevin and I are empathizing with that because we feel the same way. It's so difficult, it's difficult to succeed in any one of these areas, never mind all three simultaneously.

Speaker 1:

The fitness thing used to be very easy. It wasn't that hard Back then. It didn't seem that hard. I was putting in more effort, obviously, but there was less things going on. It's just, yeah, it's so interesting.

Speaker 2:

It is One podcast a week.

Speaker 1:

it's not as difficult, it wasn't no, a couple coaching calls one podcast you know, a little call of duty, little call of dude ski. You know a little weed every day. It'll smoke a little weed every day. You know, whatever It is, what it is Little mobility. I did a lot of mobility, But So standards.

Speaker 2:

What's the next level?

Speaker 1:

lesson. I'm gonna share that in a second. Here's the interesting thing I have been less productive this week, for sure, 100% in the business. Now I've been making sure I'm moving the right needles and I'm very conscious of that. But I've noticed like, oh, my goodness, i'm definitely not the same. I can't keep up with like because that's so. Now what has to happen is I have to re-raise, i have to raise a new standard for business, paired with fitness, paired with my relationship, cause now that's two hours a day that I'm losing for the gym or whatever mobility.

Speaker 2:

You have to focus on using tasks. Yeah, and we won't get into that because I don't, we won't get into that on this episode, but we should at some point do an episode about group coaching. We did peak performance productivity last night. Let's pick the biggest small nugget from that and try to do an episode, cause we just revamped the whole curriculum, but I do think there's some. We haven't done a productivity episode in a long time. You're missing it Definitely. I don't know, and it sounds like you might need a little, a little pick me up.

Speaker 1:

Dare you, i probably do. Well, we redesigned my system of success recently, so I'm actually capable of executing against it. Speaking of group coaching, we have another round starting on July 11th. Excuse me, sir, yeah, you have forgotten the next level lesson. Oh, yeah, yeah, the next level lesson, my apologies. I would say sit down and, under health, wealth and love, what was your standard? What was your standard at the beginning of the year? or what's your standard now? And ask yourself are the results going in the right direction? in the wrong direction? And if your standard was higher at the beginning of the year and now it's lower? that's why, again, same. I know that I'm not proud of what I've created physically, but it's interesting how, over time, it lessens a little bit. So that would be my-.

Speaker 2:

And then you wake up one day and you're like oh, my God Yeah yeah, oh my God, what has happened? What has happened, but it also happens in the other direction, when you're slowly increasing next level, next level, next level next level And then all of a sudden you've got a brand new BMW.

Speaker 1:

It's trying to successful business 170 pounds is my commitment. I had a moment today where it was like, oh my God, i'm so hungry, but I I need to do what I need to do. I need to do what I need to do in order to get the result I want.

Speaker 2:

Do it for the Belgium waffles, my friend.

Speaker 1:

The Belgian waffles Yeah.

Speaker 2:

I'm going to have a lot of Belgian, not.

Speaker 1:

Belgium, belgian, i know man Group coaching Round 11, starting July 11th. We have completely revamped it and said Okay, what is the best stuff that we can teach And what's really going to land, inspire, impact, what is going to create the most change? That is really the ultimate goal for us. I want it to be a positive experience where you learn about yourself, you learn about other people and you leave every call with a tactic, but also an understanding of yourself. If, if you sat me down and said What's made the biggest difference between Kev old Kev six years ago, and this Kev, it's self-awareness, and we talk a lot about that understanding yourself at a deeper level. When you understand yourself, you understand everything else. Just, that's just the way it works And, like Alan said, we'll talk about money and relationships and productivity. I'm very excited because we revamped it and I had quite a large you know I had quite a large responsibility in the revamp.

Speaker 1:

I feel pretty good about it. So July 11th, group 11 link will be in the show notes. Please reach out to Alan, alan at next level universe dot com or Kevin Kevin at next level universe dot com. We will give you the discount code and it ends up being $96 and 60 cents per month, i believe.

Speaker 2:

Only for listeners Yes, only for listeners. Please reach out. So we have a blog. So if you're out there and you're looking around at your life and you're saying, i'm not as healthy as I want to be, i'm not as wealthy as I want to be, i'm not as in love as I want to be, i just wrote a blog called how to create the life outcomes you actually want. On the last episode, we talked about the two pains Either your deepest pain is social and you feel unlikeable and you feel like you know you don't get along with others easily, or you don't feel like you achieve your goals very easily. This is for the people who feel like they struggle to achieve their goals. That's why I wrote this article. It's this blog, this blog, the next level blog. The link will be in the show notes how to create the life outcomes you want. It will definitely, i promise you, it will get you thinking differently and get you more direction towards your goals And it will help you create the outcomes you want.

Speaker 1:

Tomorrow for episode number 1379,. Are you using your imagination to your advantage? One of my favorite quotes ever of all time that I think I created. I'm sure a human has put these words together in this way before. But your reality becomes the parts of your imagination, your imagination. You hold onto and pour into the longest. That's both positive and negative, right, if you're imagining negative things happening, you might not even take action or you might end up getting negative things. So we're going to dive into that. For episode number 1379. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow. Keep those standards high.

Speaker 2:

Next up on Nation.

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Alan Lazaros

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Kevin Palmieri

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