Next Level University

#1385 - You Become What You Say You Are

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Have you ever considered the profound impact of your identity in shaping your reality and how your self-perception could vastly differ from how others perceive you? Buckle up as hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros dive into the world of identity, self-view, and its implications on our success. They discuss crucial introspection and highlight the often undefined line between confidence and arrogance. They explore the challenges of substantiating our claims with factual data and how these situations can help recalibrate our self-perception. They also delve into the evolving nature of identity and the critical role of consistency, and unpack how actions and the influences around us continually shape our identity. Understanding and defining your identity is a crucial step towards aligning with success, so get ready to redefine your perspective on identity, success, and self-perception, and gear up to level up.

Links mentioned:
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700     
Next Level Monthly Meetup #19: "3 Things Everyone Should Know About Their Intimate Partner" on July 6, 2023, 06:00 PM EST - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/ 


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Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

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Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
[3:00] You become what you say you are
[7:37] What you believe in yourself is critical
[10:09] You need an identity and process to achieve specific results
[19:17] Derek Smith shares his experience with Group Coaching and how it can change your life
[20:24] Decide what you want to be and align yourself with that
[25:44] Identifying as someone who does whatever it takes
[29:35] Believe in yourself more
[32:33] Write three things you love about yourself and three things you don’t
[36:59] Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

Had to. Have trouble with the long hair thing.

Speaker 2:

What about?

Speaker 1:

it, that's just. It's just annoying.

Speaker 2:

Oh, throw hat on, never have to worry about her again. Professional. I Need a haircut desperately.

Speaker 1:

Tomorrow. Oh see son next week coach and consultant. Look, ball cap on.

Speaker 2:

I didn't know what C-suite meant until a couple years ago probably. It's fact, i do a lot of C-suite coaching. You know what I mean. No, i don't know what that means. Who came up with that dumb label C-suite?

Speaker 1:

Oh. Know that, but C-suite just sounds Expert tip expert tip pro tip One, two, three, four, five, six.

Speaker 2:

Wow, one, two, three, four, five, six.

Speaker 1:

All right, what are you plugging?

Speaker 2:

Next to the nation. Of course, every time, every time We have too many things Here, we go next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level University, where we teach you how to level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode. It was episode number 1384. The upside of not fitting in today for episode number 1385 you become what you say you are. I used to have a quote I don't know if it was my quote, i'm not really sure What you say you are, or what you think you are, is far more important than what you actually are. Number. I used to say that all the time back in the day.

Speaker 1:

I do back in my subconscious days.

Speaker 2:

Was that my quote?

Speaker 1:

or did I steal that so?

Speaker 2:

you think so?

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Again. I'm sure somebody in in the history of humans has put those words in that order before, but I don't think I found it from them. But that all started originally From the podcasting side of things. I said I was a podcaster. I Thought I was a podcaster long before actually like, was one One of any quote, unquote success, really, if you, if you look back, but the the thought process I had when I was deciding Okay, i think this would be a valuable episode.

Speaker 2:

I was talking to Taren recently and I said, oh, i feel so good, i'm training like a bodybuilder, like I'm training like a bodybuilder, i'm eating like a bodybuilder, i'm a bodybuilder again. And she's like well, you're not a bodybuilder, you know two competitions. And I said no, no, no, that's just means I don't compete in bodybuilding, i'm still a bodybuilder. Right, you could be a runner and not be a marathon runner or whatever it may be. And her and I were joking about it. But then I looked back and I remember there were times where I would go on other Podcasts and they would say, oh, you're a bodybuilder. And I'd be like no, i'm not a bodybuilder, i just like the gym. And that for me.

Speaker 2:

Now, with the new mindset and the new Identity and what I'm doing and I'm training and eating and doing cardio like a bodybuilder You become what you say you are. The second you say I am not that you stop doing the stuff, the stuff that's in alignment, the stuff that that is a requirement. But on the opposite end of that, what you think you are is more important than what you currently are, because if you can adopt the identity in Advance of you actually doing it, that's a really good place to be. You, you are a speaker along before you were a speaker. All right, you, you've been really good at the. What you think you are is far more important than what you currently are. But I know that one of the reasons I'm getting a really good results in fitness and how is because I'm not My identity as a bodybuilder.

Speaker 2:

I, for a long time I was afraid to have that identity because I was a. I was a bro, i was a bodybuilding bro and again, nothing against that. That was a time in my life But I had a lot of pain around bodybuilding. That was a miserable, miserable time Not eating and doing so much cardio and working out every single day and not sleeping well and just, i remember, i Literally remember I was working in a building Might have been I don't, it might have been in New Jersey.

Speaker 2:

It was like I think it was in New Jersey, which at the time is six hours from where I lived, and I Would get so tired that I like literally struggled to walk up the stairs. My legs were so tired that it was hard for me to walk up the stairs and I was climbing up ladders. I was falling asleep at the at the bottom of the ladder, and I remember one time we were coming home at night and I literally Used up a chicken tender as a spoon so I could eat my rice. I use my chicken tender, i scooped the rice up into my mouth and then I was done with the spoon. I ate the spoon, and I was a brutal, brutal, brutal time.

Speaker 2:

So I have a lot of negativity and a lot of negative energy around The label of bodybuilder, but now I'm watching bodybuilding videos. I'm watching when I eat. I'm watching bodybuilders eat. I have this weird thing that when I'm dieting, i watch people eat. I don't know, it's very strange, but I've always done it. So the moral of the story is, i do not believe that I would be as consistent and as Motivated in in getting the results that I'm getting right now if I didn't first say you know what? I am a bodybuilder. I'm going to exercise like a bodybuilder. I'm gonna do cardio like a bodybuilder. I'm gonna eat like a bodybuilder. I'm gonna plan my workouts like a bodybuilder.

Speaker 1:

That has been very, very, very helpful, because I am becoming what I say I am and you cannot get bodybuilder results Without doing bodybuilder things and you can't really do bodybuilder things without holding the identity of a bodybuilder. That's the thing.

Speaker 2:

So what's that for you? if you're, if you're watching or listening, because it's most likely not not bodybuilding, right, but maybe it is, it could be but what is that for you? where you are, only You're only halfway in, like, in your identity. It's like, well, yeah, you know I have a business, but not really, it's not real, it's not serious. that stuff right there is leaking into your identity and your behaviors, probably more than you realize your identity.

Speaker 1:

We.

Speaker 1:

What's the saying? You cannot consistently act Inconsistent with who you believe you are. You cannot consistently behave Inconsistent with who you believe you are. If you believe you're shy, you're going to act shy, unconsciously. If you believe you're an entrepreneur, you're gonna behave very differently differently. If you believe you're a business owner, you're going to behave very differently. If you believe you're an athlete, you're going to behave very differently.

Speaker 1:

And a lot of the world, a lot of people that I coach, they allow the world to dictate what they are and are not. I was on the phone with a client yesterday And we go through this whole exercise And I have this framework that was created by the next level graphic design team. And, by the way, the person who's the head of the graphic design team shout out to Christina is a graphic designer. Kev, you and I are not graphic designers. We don't identify as graphic designers, right? So guess what? We don't graphic design anything. We identify as podcasters. So we become better at podcasting because we podcast more consistently. So this is a really, really important. A lot of people don't know how to change their behavior. They're like, well, i want to go to the gym more. It's like that's not going to work. You can't just say that If you don't identify as I'm a consistent person, i'm super consistent You're not gonna be consistent. Yeah, and this is mostly unconscious, by the way, what you believe about yourself is Absolutely critical. So I'm on the phone with a client And we're going through this and the bottom of the pyramid in this framework, which we will put in the show notes.

Speaker 1:

So so click the link in the show notes. You'll see this if you're driving don't. But it's a pyramid and there's three layers. Very simple, the bottom of the pyramid is identity, what you believe about yourself, period sit next, process, what you do and don't do. Simple, top of the pyramid goals. What you intend to achieve. I Believe, all of your life outcomes, all of them wrote an article on this recently. Also, the link will be in the show notes blog All of your life outcomes, kev.

Speaker 1:

All of my life outcomes, all of our listeners. Life outcomes Are gonna come down to who you believe you are, what you do and don't do and What you intend to achieve. Everything else is a byproduct. If Kevin intends to Create a world-class podcast with millions of listeners all over the world and Has an identity of a podcaster who's also a podcast coach, who's also a podcast consultant. That's a very different life than someone who's a bodybuilder bro, who eats chicken and rice and goes on stage in a mankini, mm-hmm. See, you see how, like everything, kevin, and this is the piece I really want to get to. By the way, one of the reasons you don't identify as a bodybuilder is because you don't think it will land or resonate with certain people that you're trying to reach. You don't want to be a bodybuilder bro anymore, it's true, but you want bodybuilder bro results. Definitely isn't that interesting and I think we're all living in that civil war. Dude.

Speaker 1:

When I was trying to become a professional athlete, i had professional athlete results. I was a freak athlete. I could do triathlons on a whim, i could. I was just. I was jumping. I could dunk a basketball. I Was just a freak athlete. And again, within reason, depending on who you're comparing to, compared to me now, i was a freak athlete, definitely, mm-hmm. I used to call myself a professional athlete. I used to say greatest natural, aesthetic men's physique, fitness model. I was a fitness model, fitness competitor. See those labels fitness model, fitness competitor, fitness coach. My whole world was fitness. Of course, i had better results. This is it. This is the next level nugget. I'm giving it in advance You cannot want results Without the process and the identity that is required in order to get them. I Have another client Recently decided I am an entrepreneur and I want to be a business owner. I had a moment and I said, oh, i Didn't know that.

Speaker 1:

They're like yeah, no, that's kind of recent, because I was like that must be recent, right, because I would have sniffed that out. I can always tell And I said I'm so sorry, i should have known. And they're like, no, no, this is recent. I said that's gonna change. Every conversation we have, the fact that you know you want to be an entrepreneur and own your own business, every conversation we have has to change. Now I Can, i can teach you how to be a business owner. I'm a business owner.

Speaker 1:

That is what I'm doing in coaching more than anything else. It is identity work. Hands down. It is how do I get you to see yourself differently? I was talking about Jesse in the last episode. Jesse didn't see herself as a leader. Jesse leads so many people. You're not gonna act like a leader if you don't see yourself as a leader. If you don't see yourself as a leader. Now you out there listening, Are you a leader? If you don't identify as a leader, you're not gonna study leadership. Right, what is a leader? Someone who influences other people, hopefully positively. If you don't identify as a leader, you're not going to study leadership and try to lead more people and influence more people. So that's really what we're doing on this podcast. That's what I do in coaching. It's like you get people to identify with the things that a lot of people have, outcomes they want in life that are just incongruent with the identity they hold.

Speaker 2:

One of the benefits of me going on other shows has been it helps me figure out who I actually am, in a way, Because yeah, I know I'm a podcaster I say that all the time and I believe that But it's just been a very interesting experience for me to be around so many other podcasters and kind of be like the podcast guy. That really helps me lock it in And this is the other interesting thing. That's been a challenge. You become what you say you are. That's the title of this episode, One of the hard parts about all of this for us. So whatever that is for you is maybe around certain people. In certain times you feel very successful in what you're doing, but then maybe in other times you don't.

Speaker 2:

I had a moment recently where I was thinking to myself. I was at a family event and somebody asked me about the podcast. I was like, how's the podcast going? And there was somebody there that didn't know anything about me, Somebody that I had just met, And I was like, oh, we just had our charity event. It was awesome. And they were like, what's the charity event? And I said, well, we, Alan and I, were both raised by single parents, So we have a next level, Hope Foundation. We do two events a year And they're like, wow, that's amazing. Well, thank you so much. I appreciate that. And then somebody's like, oh, how big is the team now? And I was like, well, I think 17 people now.

Speaker 2:

You know it's Alan and I and and you know people all over the world It's all virtual And they're like last time we talked to you it was like eight people And I was like, yeah, we've grown a lot. Right, We've grown, we've grown a lot. And I pull up in the new car and everybody's like you got a new car. It's like, yeah, business has been really good And this is like my dream car And you know that's. That was something Alan and I set a goal for.

Speaker 2:

Sometimes it's very weird, If you don't believe in yourself, the reactions you get from other people. Now, obviously this is dangerous, but the reactions you get from other people can help you recalibrate in a way. So I felt more successful when I left. Now I'm not saying that's the answer, But I usually feel I mean the conversations Alan and I have are we're always behind and we're probably always going to be behind forever, just based on the size of the goals. It's refreshing to get the perspective from the other side, because that helps me actually feel successful in that moment. So if you're out there and you have that, that that's just a kind of an example or a story of that.

Speaker 1:

If you're out there and you feel unseen or misunderstood or undervalued, most likely it the way you see yourself is different than the way other people see you, and that is maybe another episode. I don't know, but there's always a huge contrast between how other people see me and how I see myself almost always. You talked about this at the high school speech that we did, where it's like it was hard for you because these kids don't take us seriously. What if it's because the way they see you is so much less than what how you see yourself? I probably is. What if I was just more used to that? Well, i remember you said that Yeah, i'm not expecting them to see me the way I see myself. No one does. Emilia does, that's basically it. You're next, but that's interesting. I don't know what that means. Maybe that's another episode.

Speaker 2:

Somebody asked me recently. They said what's your definition of arrogance? I was on a podcast and I said confidence without confidence. So the confidence of I know how to do something without the confidence of actually knowing how to do it is arrogance to me. And that was just the simplest answer. You know what's interesting about that. The opposite end of that is competence without confidence. That's where a lot of our audiences I don't know what is that self deprecation. I don't know what that is.

Speaker 1:

That's been most of my life is I've been more capable than they identify as Yes.

Speaker 2:

Right. So it's almost like sometimes, when you go get credit from other people, it'll actually help you level set to where you actually are. Yeah, because we are a successful business. I know compared to where we need to be we're not, but compared to what I was capable of creating on my own, we definitely are. Sometimes those reminders it's like I don't. Yeah, i have 17 people is great. Right, we have a very large team. Our team is amazing. We're the most aligned team in the world Ever, so that I can say, like we have, I don't think about the 17.

Speaker 2:

It's like, yeah, it's more than we had last time When I say that we have the best team.

Speaker 1:

I'm not just saying that. I actually have been on many, many, many teams, Yeah.

Speaker 1:

I've studied many, many, many teams and I've trained teams and I've coached business owner. I mean we have the best team, genuinely tools, team and training. I mean we are And I'm not, but I'm saying that based on a lot of data, I'm not just saying that. That's one thing that I found really challenging in my life is I don't want to make this about me, but back to the listeners I'm not just saying stuff, I'm doing it based on data. Like when I said I was a fitness model, I did 42 photo shoots. Like I have the data.

Speaker 2:

I'm not just saying I'm a fitness model, but you did before you, you said it before you started doing it.

Speaker 1:

No, no no, I did. Yeah, maybe you're a speaker, before you were a speaker, but I was speaking. I think it was in tandem. It's not like I'm like I'm a speaker and then I go speak. It's I've already spoken. At that point I'd already given 100 speeches.

Speaker 1:

That's one thing that I've found really difficult, Like I'm not just saying stuff I'm. When I say I'm an engineer, I have a degree in engineering. I'm not just saying I'm an engineer But I have no results that would indicate that and I don't show that necessarily, which I think is a huge issue. And maybe this is back to the listeners. Like when you say you're a mom, people see that you have kids In dream chasing. You kind of don't really have the, the tangible thing to show anyone, which almost means they have to undervalue you in a way. Like so I've gone, I've done 4,300 coaching sessions with individuals all over the world. So when I say I'm a coach, I'm not like 10 calls in Now, 10 calls in, was I a coach? Yes, But my value as a coach is infinitely greater than what anyone knows, And I wonder if that's like an issue And then that's probably how listeners feel too.

Speaker 1:

It's definitely an issue. How do we bridge that?

Speaker 2:

Were you a coach before the first one.

Speaker 1:

No.

Speaker 2:

You didn't identify as a coach. What did you identify as? And I mean, I, I'm, I'm genuinely curious because I remember you saying like I was a speaker when I was giving speeches in my driveway. So that's, that's where I was coming from with that. I think that's wonderful, Not a bad thing, Well there's layers to the identity.

Speaker 1:

I wasn't a successful speaker when I was giving.

Speaker 2:

Right, but you were a speaker.

Speaker 1:

All right, this is good. I went into my consciousness, into my future self. This is what I'm doing And this ties to the last episode, by the way, because you might not be able to do this. So I was a successful men's physique athlete before I won my show, because I went into my own future and saw that version of myself and then aligned my current version with that. So but I don't say it publicly until after it's manifested- Like.

Speaker 1:

I'm not saying I'm a professional athlete, but I can go into my own future, decide whether or not I want to be a professional athlete and then align with it or not. And if I did decide I want to be a professional athlete, i would probably share behind the scenes with certain people like I'm a professional athlete. or I would say I'm going to be a professional athlete And and that's probably more of what it would be is I'm going to be a professional athlete, which to most people would sound arrogant. right, yeah, probably, probably.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

That's all I'm doing is I'm going into a future potential and then saying I'm going to do that Similar to go quick about this. but we did an episode where it's like you know, kev, how certain are you you can get subway tonight? And you were like 100, 100%. I said how certain are you can get subway and eat it in five minutes? You're like not certain at all. Okay, so you, what did we do? We went into the future five minutes from now, realized that you can't bridge the gap. You can't go get subway, pay for it and eat it in five minutes. I mean, if you can, you should be in an eating competition more than a podcaster right.

Speaker 1:

Professional eater, which is another label, But in five hours of course he could, And what we essentially said is manifestation is the same thing. So me saying I'm going to be a professional athlete, I'm just going into my future, saying, yeah, I could totally do that, And then deciding to do it and then aligning with it, And maybe we do another episode about aligning with the future potential And I can talk about that. That's what I'm basically doing always, which is why I'm never I want to say never I'm rarely as shocked as you are when we when good things happen, because that was already when, when good things happen.

Speaker 1:

But, like certain successes that we've had, you've been really like blown away by, whereas I'm like, yeah, no, that's awesome And I'm grateful, but, if anything, that actually took longer than I thought.

Speaker 2:

That's a you thing, i think. What are other people doing? I assume most people are probably on my end. If you do something long enough to understand that you are it, it's like now it makes total sense. If you said, hey, kev, how do I become the podcast guy? It's like simple. You do more podcast episodes than anybody else, you build a successful business and you coach more people than anybody else and you will be.

Speaker 1:

It's just a matter of time and making the right connections and you look at what I used to say. But what did you think about?

Speaker 2:

that I never thought that was going to be a thing. I didn't know that was what my future. Going back to it was two episodes ago It was Friday's episode 1383. I don't know, i just I was like I guess I can get better at this. I don't know what the future that strategy?

Speaker 1:

It goes back to the stumble upon thing of like if people call you shy. You might identify as shy when you might not.

Speaker 1:

Maybe it was a shy moment, maybe you had a tough. You know, it's the whole when you're a kid like, oh you're so good at math, so then you identify as good at math, so you do more math, yeah. And then you end up better at math because it's a self-fulfilling prophecy We're all trying to. That's what identity crisis are. I mean, kev, you and I talk about growing pains, part seven, episode. All it is is a constant identity crisis. You know what I've realized about you Patronizing Kev? after you get the BMW, you have to like realign your identity with it. For me, my identity was aligned with it before. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2:

I do.

Speaker 1:

I do So it's like don't let the world tell you what you're gonna be. If I did that, I would have been in serious trouble. I think it's belief more than the world.

Speaker 2:

I just didn't have the belief that it was gonna happen. Not the world. The world has been telling me that I could be successful for a long time. You know, people have been telling me that I can be successful. I mean, if anything. I'm a story of the other side where people have just been saying like, yeah, you could be successful. You've been saying that since the beginning all our mentors.

Speaker 1:

Don't you think they're accurate? They were more accurate than you.

Speaker 2:

I still find that hard to believe. No, because I don't know what this would be without you. You're a wild card, so it's hard to imagine. Would I be grossly successful? Most likely. No, I'm just kidding, I don't know. I don't know what it would. I don't know.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so for our listeners. So there's a reason I call myself Kitchen Man. That's a you thing.

Speaker 2:

That's a you thing. You literally were a chat man for a week and then this week, on the call, you're like ah, i was chat man last week. This week I forgot to do it. I think that's a you thing more than anything.

Speaker 2:

I think you change your identity fast and then you I think I do the behavior long enough and then it becomes my identity. I think we're just different on that And I think I'm probably closer to most. I would guess I'm closer to most humans, okay, which is why for most people, the identity part is so hard, because most people don't do something long enough.

Speaker 1:

Right right.

Speaker 2:

If you start a podcast, you do 15 episodes you're never gonna feel like and then you quit. you're never gonna feel like a podcaster ever. You're gonna have shame around the fact that you started and quit And you're gonna quit And then you're gonna quit her. Yeah, and then you're gonna stack that with like well, i had a YouTube channel too and I quit that.

Speaker 1:

One of the reasons I worked with you originally, Kev, is because you had never quit kid as your Instagram handle Meaning you identified as someone who does whatever it takes, but that was based on my past, not my expectation of future.

Speaker 2:

I could take a beating. That was where it came from.

Speaker 1:

If you're driving the future looking in the rear view mirror, you're gonna crash. That's not my quote, so I'm not an author yet, but I'm definitely a writer. You know what I mean? I write pretty consistently, so I'm like a writer.

Speaker 2:

What's the difference? I'm a blogger. What's the difference between a writer and an author? An author published a book. Well, that's a published author, right? Yeah, so it's like the label, not a lot of nuances. yeah Yeah, the labels are interesting, but here's the difference, though.

Speaker 1:

I know I can be an author if I wanna be Right. Right, It's just. I would just have to decide to do that and then just align with it. I hope our listeners understand the value of this. This is identity. Work is where all the gold is.

Speaker 2:

It's very hard to do If you identify as never being wealthy.

Speaker 1:

you're not gonna just stumble upon wealth, Right.

Speaker 1:

You have to identify in advance as someone who's gonna be wealthy. And it's a decision. I know that sounds overly simple, but you kinda have to decide, like, no matter what it takes, i'm gonna be wealthy. And then you have to decide what does wealth even mean? Like I have a client who, literally, we have a statement What do you want out of this coaching? He said I wanna learn how to create a $50 million, 50 million pound he's from the UK 50 million pound net worth. And I was like, okay, perfect, every call, every call. All we're doing is just aligning with that Everything he's doing. So I'll give you a tangible example.

Speaker 1:

He was investing 500 a month And he had a bunch of cash on hand just in the bank. I think he had like 20 grand in the bank And I was like what are you doing with this money sitting here? Put more in your investment account. This money's just sitting here wasting. You don't need it, right? You have low expenses, just. He's like well, how much? And I'm like bump it a couple hundred a month. You know, put more in your investment account. Diversify, don't put it all in one thing, because you know and again, i'm not gonna go down the investor road, but the point is is he's gonna succeed? It's just a matter of time, and if people knew how possible it was, it's very possible to become wealthy Like that. It's not that difficult. I don't know, i don't wanna be unkind here.

Speaker 2:

It's the time, it's the time thing, and consistency, it's the time and consistency. I'm getting ready to go on a show later today and I was literally looking and it's all about entrepreneurship And I was like what do I have? Because it said, like we believe all entrepreneurs have a unique edge. I was like what is my? edge, because I'm sure they're gonna ask me that It's like probably extreme consistency, definitely.

Speaker 1:

I just show up, your edge is resilience. You just can grind and work hard like really hard, even when you're not sure it's gonna work. Most people don't have that. I'm almost certain things are gonna work, so it seems like I'm really hard working. I'm just maybe more aware of the downside of not being Like. It really does blow my mind Like how did you do this if you didn't know it would work? It's pain.

Speaker 2:

Pain mostly, and I'm not suggesting that for you. If you're listening, that's probably not the answer. The amount of pain I've been through is just a lot. It's been a lot, but I signed up for the-.

Speaker 1:

What's the next level?

Speaker 2:

nugget. The next level, the next level, nugget, you think of that? Pretty good, hold on, i haven't done it yet. I know I hear you taking deep breaths getting ready to go off on a tangent. We're 28 minutes in, we're out here chaffing. Oh, you can do yours, i'll do mine after.

Speaker 1:

Okay, i just feel so. I just want our listeners to believe in themselves more, because most of I mean I have another client I'm thinking of. She wanted to be a personal trainer And I was like you can do that, right. I mean, think about your personal trainer. Like what do they have that you don't? Like there's nothing logical about that. Like there's no reason why this person can't become a personal trainer. It's not like that's an impossible thing to do, right? She's like, well, i don't know. It's like okay, just go get certified. And she's like well, I would love to get five clients. I was like, okay, no problem, by this time next year you'll have five clients and you'll be a certified personal trainer. She's like, really, i'm like yeah, of course, that's not even gonna be that difficult. Honestly, i mean you have a year, right? I know that that sounds arrogant to all of the listeners or to some people. I'm telling you I'm accurate in this. There's no reason why you can't be a personal trainer. There's a bunch of personal trainers.

Speaker 1:

Don't let the world tell you what you can and can't be. You know what I mean, dude. If I did that, i would have been screwed, i was told. I mean most of what people said about me was not positive. I found a way to be like no, absolutely not, i'm not gonna be that. You think I'm gonna be that, i'm gonna be this? My whole life has been like no, i'm gonna be an engineer. It's like really, you think you can be an engineer? It's like, of course, tell me why I can't be an engineer. You know what I mean. Doesn't that make no sense?

Speaker 2:

Yeah and no Like. Could I be an engineer? Of course, well, could high school kev have been an engineer? Of course I don't think so.

Speaker 1:

You just have to get away from the people who No, it could For me.

Speaker 2:

I just I didn't like school very much, so I don't think it would have worked, if you got around me.

Speaker 1:

you definitely could have been, It's fair.

Speaker 2:

Well, we don't like each other. I don't think it's not that simple for most people? I don't think, because it's the you always had the belief.

Speaker 1:

Can I be a professional basketball player? I would say absolutely not.

Speaker 2:

You just can't, statistically speaking, yeah.

Speaker 1:

You're not gonna be in the NBA. Mugsy Bogues is the shortest ever to play and far better than you.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, right.

Speaker 1:

But I think that that's what happens. We're kids and we get pigeonholed into these little identities that aren't. I mean, dude, when you're 15, there's very little you can't accomplish, given enough time.

Speaker 1:

Now there are some exceptions. Some people have disabilities mental, physical, emotional. I get that, but for you, kev, your brain is more than smart enough to be an engineer. I'm an engineer and I'm certain it is Now. you would have to work a lot harder than some of the people I know because they're more gifted in the intelligence arena. I'm not trying to be unkind to you.

Speaker 2:

No, no, you're good, you're good.

Speaker 1:

But of course you could be an engineer. Will it be as easy as being a personal trainer? Definitely not Getting an engineering. Becoming an engineer is a lot harder than I think most people realize, Unless you're freaky smart.

Speaker 2:

I'm glad I picked podcasting Yeah.

Speaker 1:

That I'm glad.

Speaker 2:

My next level nugget would be this I would I think it would be beneficial to sit down and write out. Write out three pieces of your identity that you love, write three pieces of your identity that you don't love and then, under each of those three, just write one thing you can do to strengthen or leverage it more, like oh, i love the fact that I'm so consistent. All right, cool. What's one thing we can be more consistent on that would bring more value and awesome. One thing I'm shy, okay, cool. What's one thing you can do And you can literally start tracking the habit? For me, it was fear chasing, getting outside of my comfort zone and starting a conversation with strangers. I still do that.

Speaker 1:

And now I'm not shy Do I identify as someone who's courageous? Yeah, okay, because you've done a lot of courageous things.

Speaker 2:

I said this on a-.

Speaker 1:

It's almost like you have to go purposely get evidence to the contrary.

Speaker 2:

I think that's the answer And I think that's why it's so hard, because there's that gap between I know I can do this or no. I think I can do this and I know I can do this, and there's a gap between I think I can do this and there's no way I can do this, and I think that's where a lot of us get stuck. I did a pre-call yesterday for a podcast And it's interesting because I literally this is just my thing. I do it on every call pretty much When the person comes in the room I'm like singing, i'm humming, just because I wanna keep my energy up. I mean, I'm tired. This is like my eighth call. I wanna keep my energy up And I said it's interesting. I used to identify as shy and afraid to meet new people. I do that all day now.

Speaker 1:

That doesn't bother me, Especially on a year. It's always possible. It's just our mind limits us because we can't see beyond our current identity sometimes And you can practice that. I just don't want the world to shape people into what they don't wanna be.

Speaker 1:

Don't let the world tell you who and what you are. You tell you who and what you are And I'm very passionate about that. If I was gonna give a TED talk, it would be on that. It would be on self-belief and self-identity. I mean, there's people in the world right now that the world sees them as men and they wanna be women. That's okay. I don't let the world tell you what you are. You tell you what you are And I'm all for that. I think that's. this world would really suck if they could tell you That's like. the opposite of freedom is. like Kevin, you have to go to work at a factory because you're a blue collar factory worker and you can't be anything else. Can you imagine?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, because there's parts of the world where it's like that. I dislike that strong, same same. But I can definitely imagine and empathize. 100%, yeah, 100%.

Speaker 1:

I hope that people break free of whatever the world has tried to box you in. Don't let the world box you in. That's it.

Speaker 2:

I would concur with that Next level nation. Obviously this is a deep one, Longer one 35 minutes. I told Alan we had 20 and then we just powered through, like we do. If something in this episode resonated with you, please share with us. I would love to hear on social media email. Whatever I'm at, Never Quit Kid Alan's Alazarus88. We love hearing from our community. You're never bothering us, It's not annoying. I love, genuinely love, connecting with the next level you family. So please reach out anytime. If you ever hear something on an episode and you have a breakthrough, I'd love to share it, or I'd love for you to share it, because that just helps inspire us. And if you ever have any questions about hey, you were talking about this, could you go a little deeper? We are always there for you. So our social media links are in the show notes So you can click on them in there.

Speaker 1:

Belonging is the most important thing in an intimate relationship, which I used to suck at, didn't understand it Feeling seen, feeling heard, feeling understood, feeling valued. We have a monthly meetup on July 6th at 6 pm Eastern Standard Time. It's completely free. It is on the three things everyone should know about their intimate partner. If you don't know your partner very well, they probably don't feel valued, and if they don't feel valued, that's not good Nichekeet. So I hope you join us and the link will be in the show notes to register.

Speaker 2:

Tomorrow for episode number 1386, speaking of relationships, a brave thing to try in your relationships, not only intimate relationships, but also any relationships you have with humans, which I'm sure we all have many of. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you. And at NLU we do not have fans, We have family. We'll talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 1:

Believe in yourselves more. Next level nation Boom.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host