Next Level University
Confidence, mindset, relationships, limiting beliefs, family, goals, consistency, self-worth, and success are at the core of hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros' heart-driven, no-nonsense approach to holistic self-improvement. This transformative, 7 day per week podcast is focused on helping dream chasers who have been struggling to achieve their goals and are seeking community, consistency and answers. If you've ever asked yourself "How do I get to the next level in my life", we're here for you!
Our goal at NLU is to help you uncover the habits to build unshakable confidence, cultivate a powerful mindset, nurture meaningful relationships, overcome limiting beliefs, create an amazing family life, set and achieve transformative goals, embrace consistency, recognize your self-worth, and ultimately create the fulfillment and success you desire. Let's level up your health, wealth and love!
Next Level University
#1386 - A Brave Thing To Try In Your Relationships
In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros talk about investing in a 'me date' - an effective strategy to level up your relationships, especially the romantic ones. They share insights into the delicate balance of 'me,' 'we,' and 'us' time, and how advocating for yourself can lead to healthier relationships. Learn how to maintain a balanced emotional budget, and why escaping into a novel or movie or having alone time is essential to self-care and disconnecting from stress.
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Website 💻 http://www.nextleveluniverse.com
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Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
- Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
- Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - https://bit.ly/3xffver
- Next Level U Book Club - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-book-club/
- Next Level Monthly Meetup #19: "3 Things Everyone Should Know About Their Intimate Partner" on July 6, 2023, 06:00 PM EST - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/
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Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/
Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com
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Show notes:
[2:14] Come up with a "me date"
[5:12] Body budget
[6:56] Janine talks about how valuable Group Coaching is, what her takeaway is, and why she thinks you should take the leap
[7:35] Why you need a "me date"
[11:10] Vulnerably ask for a "me date"
[13:10] Outro
the gate an hour early. Just put your seatbelt on and if we hit turbulence we'll let you know. Okay, Ready.
Speaker 2:All right, one, two, three.
Speaker 1:Four by six. One to three, four by six. It's gonna be a little delay, but I have to trust that it will catch up during my intro. You ready? Here we go. Next level nation.
Speaker 1:Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we teach you how to level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode. It was episode number 1385. You become what you say you are Today. For episode number 1386, a brave thing to try in your relationships. You can do this in any relationship, but it works really, really well in an intimate relationship if you have a partner. Just quick preface This is gonna be a very short episode because we're running behind and there's a lot going on, but also it's a pretty simple tactic that we're gonna give you. We wanna do better with giving you tactics. That's why we came up. Jerry Ann helped us name the next level nugget.
Speaker 1:So I was talking to somebody the other day and this is a client of mine And this person said I'm really I'm kind of struggling in my relationship because I feel like we just default to spending time together every night. So I'm at home working, my partner is out working When they come home, it's kind of like, all right, let's get dinner and let's watch something on Netflix or let's watch a movie, and then that's kind of the end of the night. And he said I feel like I'm missing. I'm missing a lot of opportunity to kind of be with myself. And I said, well, have you ever thought about doing a me date? And Alan has been doing this. I actually saw Jay Shetty posted about this a while ago And he said you have a me date, a we date, and then you have a date with friends, so like, if you're gonna have three dates a week, that type of thing. And I said have you ever thought of having a me date? Because you have to understand your partner. I know your partner, i've talked about them enough. I understand them. They're not the type of partner who's going to ask for space, and that's okay, it's not a bad thing. I said at the end of the day, right now, what you're doing is you're advocating for them instead of advocating for yourself. So every time they come home, you're advocating for them, because you know they want to spend time with you And, of course, as a couple, you're gonna spend time together.
Speaker 1:I said what I've been doing recently, kind of following the lead of Alan, is when I get overwhelmed or when it's just been a hectic week or when I just need a break. I'll literally just say hey, babe, do you mind if I have a me date tonight? I just wanna hang out, throw on YouTube and just watch something stupid and just kind of turn my brain off. What are your thoughts on that? And she's always super, super grateful because she isn't as forward as I am when it comes to asking for a me date. That really is.
Speaker 1:I think that's a challenging thing because my initial fear was what if it hurts her feelings? what if she thinks I don't wanna spend time with her, when that's not the truth? I do wanna spend time with her. I just need a minute to myself. I spend so much time here and in front of people that sometimes I just need to recluse. So I understand why it can be a challenging thing. It's scary. You're putting yourself out there. it's vulnerable. You're afraid of hurting your partner. But you don't know, your partner probably needs the same thing. They probably want some space and maybe they don't have the courage to ask yet. So that is the simple next level nugget for this episode. Come up with me dates, come up with a we dates, and then if hanging with friends and family is something that's super important to you, you can also have kind of whatever, that is, a we plus date or something.
Speaker 2:With Emilia and I. We do Tuesday nights our me dates and then if, for whatever reason, we decide to pivot that, then we change it, and if you need an emergency me date, you can do that as well. One example she had group coaching that was late, and then you also. So I have it on my P performance tracker me time and I have we time, and then I have TNT time, which is Tucker and Tariel, and it's like a one, a zero or a 0.5. And I've been getting a lot of zeros lately on the me date. So now I know, okay, i need a me date, probably pretty soon.
Speaker 2:The other piece of this that I think is more important is your partner doesn't necessarily always love to do the same things you love to do. So, for example, i love movies. I've said that many, many times, absolutely adore them. And, by the way, i actually figured out one of the reasons why I was reading the book we're reading in book club How Emotions Are Made, and it talks about body budget And what body budget means essentially is feeling pleasant or unpleasant. And what she suggests, if you wanna be emotionally well, is to actually escape for a short time into a novel or a movie And I never heard this before, and she said it stops you from ruminating on your own problems and it lets you escape into the story and the narrative and the problems of a character. So right, it's an escape. But an escape is a bad thing if you're escaping your problems forever. Right, if you're avoiding your problems like perpetually, that's not good. The bugs will take the garden. But I think that's why I fell in love with movies is because growing up I had all these challenges and I was overwhelmed by my life and some of the things that I was going through, my step, that I'm a mom not getting along things like that, that I escaped into movies And it gave me a release. It gave me, it got me out of the anxiety zone, it got me out of my own life for a minute and it got me dreaming of what could be, and I think that there's value to that. So, anyways, i love movies, absolutely, adore them, always have, ever since I was a kid.
Speaker 2:And Emilia loves them too, but not nearly as much as I do. She would much rather escape into a great book, and so she has this little section in the corner of our bedroom that she set up, really nice for her sort of me dates. And then I have a huge TV. Sometimes I use that And then other times I use my laptop with my focus cap. I have this focus cap. It's like a hat that has blinders on And it's just you fully immerse into whatever it is that you're watching. And so the point that I wanna make here is that one of the reasons why you need a me date is because you probably have a core value That is being neglected, not because you're purposely neglecting it, but because your partner and you don't necessarily share that same core value. I don't want to misalign Emilia, just like you, with UFC or fast food or whatever. You don't want to misalign Terrence diet and get her watching. You know dudes or girls fight each other and she enjoys it.
Speaker 1:She does enjoy it.
Speaker 2:She's not as much as me, yeah, not as much as me, obviously, but yeah she's learned to enjoy it And that's great, but she doesn't want to do that every night. No right, Oh, you never do it by herself.
Speaker 1:That's how. That's kind of a telltale sign of Something that somebody is doing for you. If they, if they, if the person probably wouldn't do it by themselves, odds are, you're the The magnet to them doing that thing.
Speaker 2:It's a great point. Speaking of a tactic, emilia would watch movies by herself, but not nearly as much, yeah, not nearly as much. And so, yeah, that's what it is it's. The me date is awesome because it's like I am gonna take this time with what I want to do And I'm not gonna worry about anyone else for a goddamn minute. And I say goddamn minute because sometimes in life, right, you've got pets, You've got a house, you've got a partner, you've got listeners, you've got coaching clients. I had one of my clients say they started coaching and they're like I don't know how you do it, man, i've got three clients. I'm losing my mind. I'm like, brother, brother, now I want you to take that number and I want you to multiply it by I don't know 15. That is what I'm doing, and, and if you're losing your mind, now trust me, brother, you're gonna want some serious me dates out of it but that's the thing Kevin and I podcast.
Speaker 2:We're in front of these cameras. We're constantly a next-level nation. We were with team members and community members and clients and we love that That's. I would never want that not to be the case. This is the life we designed and we adore it. But I'm not gonna lie, man, sometimes it's like I do not want to do my hair, i do not want to be in front of a camera, i do not want to see a human, i don't want to see any humans, and that's what a me date is for. When you get to that point where it's like I just need to be alone, that's when you can take a me day and you can do it guilt-free, because it's a thing and it's good for you.
Speaker 1:It's very good for you tonight. So we're recording this on a Saturday and And Taryn asked me yesterday, she said, hey, can we clean the house today? And I was like, yeah, yeah sure, she's like deep clean, you know, do all the laundry, all that stuff. And I was like, yeah for sure, and Today we're gonna do that together. Now I wouldn't consider that a we date, but it is she. She enjoys doing stuff like that together. And then tonight I'm gonna watch UFC. So we have leftover homemade pizza, low calorie. You drop your stone? Yeah, we, we have leftover homemade pizza that we made last night when pop pop pop came over and I'm gonna eat that and watch UFC tonight. But that's kind of the plan, right, we're gonna have a we date, productive we date, and then we're both gonna have a me date and then tomorrow we have far you tonight, 12 out of 10 excited. And then then next week We are sorry then tomorrow we have a we date.
Speaker 1:So every Sunday we go do family stuff. It's like we. I wake up, i'll check WhatsApp, i'll move a couple rocks for the business, i'll work out, and then I'm with Taryn for the entire day. So, yeah, i think it's just important. It's just important, because it's probably not something that ends up happening a lot by accident. You, you want to be with your person or your family, whatever it is. This works with family too.
Speaker 1:I said this to somebody recently. I said when I Had roommates in the past, i would do this. I would just say, hey, it's not that I don't want to hang out tonight, but like I'm gonna go watch a movie in my bed, i just need, i just need to be for a minute. This is something I've been doing for a long period of time, but it's. It does take a level of courage to do it, so I would challenge you all the next level, nugget obviously figure out a way to vulnerably bring up the desire for me dates and Kind of see how it goes because the other person might be like oh, you don't want to spend time with me, no, no, no, it's, it's, yeah, i just want some time alone.
Speaker 1:There's a big difference between and I want you to have some time alone.
Speaker 2:That's actually why this is an issue. I want to spend time with you every day, so we always spend time together, that kind of thing. One last thing Kevin I know we got a jump quickly, okay you, for those of you who are out there listening, who are not in a relationship, or maybe you're lonely I have one client who actually struggles to be alone and she's actually giving me a check mark every day, or an X for five minutes spending time alone. If You struggle to spend time alone, this is probably something that's really uncomfortable like the idea of a me date.
Speaker 2:And then there's the opposite side of the spectrum of maybe you're spending all your time alone and you're super lonely.
Speaker 2:If that's the case. You need a we date, you need a friend date, you need a family date, and so the key here is to drive to five. If you're only ever in front of the camera or On social media or with other people or with your intimate partner, of course a me date is gonna be what you need. But if you're constantly alone, like Kevin used to live in New Hampshire and he was a recluse for weekends at a time Where you didn't talk to humans.
Speaker 2:I do miss it sometimes really important for you, of course, right, it's really important for you to maybe get out of the house and and, and, and see, you know, yeah, see some humans and, yeah, interact I would say so with the world.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I would say so. All right, we get a hop because we have a team training in one minute tomorrow for episode number 1387. The problem might be deeper than you think. I had a really, really big breakthrough with one of my podcast clients last week, so we'll dive into that. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you. That NLU we did on a fans. We have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.
Speaker 2:Enjoy those me dates next overnight.
