Next Level University
Confidence, mindset, relationships, limiting beliefs, family, goals, consistency, self-worth, and success are at the core of hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros' heart-driven, no-nonsense approach to holistic self-improvement. This transformative, 7 day per week podcast is focused on helping dream chasers who have been struggling to achieve their goals and are seeking community, consistency and answers. If you've ever asked yourself "How do I get to the next level in my life", we're here for you!
Our goal at NLU is to help you uncover the habits to build unshakable confidence, cultivate a powerful mindset, nurture meaningful relationships, overcome limiting beliefs, create an amazing family life, set and achieve transformative goals, embrace consistency, recognize your self-worth, and ultimately create the fulfillment and success you desire. Let's level up your health, wealth and love!
Next Level University
#1390 - How Would Someone Else Introduce You?
In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros peel back the layers of self-perception and confront the contrast between our inner narratives and the stories that others tell about us. They share personal anecdotes and experiences to highlight the transformative power of positive self-concept, and challenge you to reconsider the impact of your self-perception on your life. They also discuss the influence of family, friends, and society on how we view ourselves. From examining the different expectations and standards set by those around us, to contrasting celebrities' public and personal perceptions, they emphasize the importance of self-awareness in navigating these often complicated relationships.
Links mentioned:
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To learn more about group coaching - https://nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/
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Show notes:
[3:08] What you think about yourself important
[6:45] Are you overly positive or overly negative?
[14:05] Janine Morris talks about how valuable Group Coaching is, what her takeaway is, and why she thinks you should take the leap
[14:43] On owning compliments
[22:10] Different parts of you have different beliefs
[24:27] What would you defend?
[27:44] Outro
Next level nation. welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we teach you how to level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode. It was episode number 1389. Can you be too positive Today for episode number 1390,? how would someone else introduce you? This is a very interesting thought And I think one of the reasons this is on my mind, Alan, is because you and I have worked together for a long enough period of time where I have actually heard you introduce me to other people. Sometimes you have said things about me that I would not have said about myself. So two thoughts I have in this episode One, the title how would someone else introduce you? That's part one. Part two how would you introduce someone else? You messing up my audio.
Speaker 2:No, no, no that's me right.
Speaker 1:I have no idea How would you introduce somebody else and have you actually told them the things you think about them? Because I think I messaged you yesterday. The other day I said, hey, man, I love you, You're a great business. Whatever it was, I'm super grateful. I try to do that somewhat periodically because I talk behind your back nicely all the time. The least I can do is say something, And I try to do that with a team.
Speaker 1:If we say something publicly about somebody on the team, I wanna make sure I'm actually saying that to them personally behind the scenes. That that's kind of my thought process for this episode. I want it to be a hyper-conscious one, where you're thinking about that When people are introducing you. Does it make you and again, I also made this a blind spot for me.
Speaker 1:I don't know how often other people are getting introduced by people, but it's happening behind the scenes, whether you know it or not. There are people saying you're amazing, you're super smart, you're super consistent, you're the best friend anybody can ask for, whatever it may be. Are you not identifying with those things? Have you owned them yet? Are you comfortable saying them about yourself to yourself? It's, at the end of the day, we did an episode recently where what you think about yourself is more important than what you actually are, And that's kind of along the same line of this, where somebody could be saying the nicest things about you in the world, but if you don't feel that, if you don't own that, it's probably not gonna make that big of a difference, unfortunately, We had a team member who was on a team huddle and there was a post in Next Level Nation about this.
Speaker 2:Do you remember? it was your post and it was what is one thing your friends would say about you when you're not there. And this person actually got triggered by that because she felt like she wouldn't have other people saying very nice things about her. And then the NLU team got together on one of our huddles we do a huddle every two weeks where we all are together, except for the people that are virtual who have to watch it because they're in way different time zones But essentially we just kind of took a moment and we're like whoa, let's all just say one word. that's kind that we believe about Amy And it was Amy, in case you didn't know, surprise, i think, and I said humble people said so many nice things, so much to the point where she actually started crying in tears of joy, and I think that that's kind of a good frame for this episode of.
Speaker 2:I think that it's very easy to think negatively about self, and I think self-concept is everything, and self-concept is nothing more or less than what you believe about yourself. And so I'll give you one example. I have one person I'm thinking of right now, who doesn't think very highly of herself, and I said you're one of the most consistent people I've ever met in my entire life And she was like, well, i don't really identify. it's like I know, but you don't identify as extraordinary, but yet you're extraordinary in this thing. And this person and I had a genuine argument.
Speaker 2:it was a healthy debate where it was like I don't think I'm very extraordinary and I'm like I can promise you you are in these things. Now, you're not extraordinary in everything, that's okay, no one is right. I mean, i was just trying to do some duct work, if that's what you wanna call it. I don't even know HVAC. There you go and I don't know what I'm doing, and I have no problem with that. I have a healthy relationship with the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing around the house, and I think that a lot of people you either struggle with positive self-concept or you struggle with negative self-concept. So a lot of people think I talk very negatively about myself, but what they don't realize is that I'm trying to live in whatever the truth is, and You know, when I say like I'm an idiot or blah, blah, blah, i think that what I really want to drive home here is that the record that's playing in the background is not Alan, you're an idiot, like the record that's playing in the background is very positive. It's Alan, you can do it. Alan, you've got this. Alan, you're intelligent. Alan, you're capable. Alan, you're blah, blah, blah. And so I have to kind of balance that out, just to get at five, whereas other people they have a record of not good enough, not smart enough. You suck, blah, blah. You maybe have to use positive affirmations to get to the neutral place. And this goes back to the last episode we did, which is like being at five of overly optimistic or overly pessimistic For me, i'm overly optimistic.
Speaker 2:My record playing is everything's going to be great, everything's going to work out, it's all going to happen, we're going to make this work. So Kevin's record is honestly, man, we need to get it together blah, blah, blah. So my conscious mind is trying to say Alan, it's not all just going to work out. You kind of suck at this, this and this. You need to look at your weaknesses and mitigate those, and so just to stay at five. All of us have to figure out whether or not we're overly positive or overly negative about our own self-concept.
Speaker 2:And to bring it back to this person I said you're one of the most consistent people I've ever met. I have evidence, i have actual data. I could show you the people from Strakers, of everyone I've ever coached, and I can show them yours. And yours is consistently higher than anyone I've ever met over an extended period of time. I have the data, it's a fact.
Speaker 2:And she's like well, i just don't think I'm that extraordinary And I said that's you're just wrong. You are extraordinary, extraordinarily consistent, and so, at the end of the day, this is not to debate with her or to make her wrong or anything like that. I just want her to see herself more accurately, because if you walk around your whole life thinking you're ordinary, when you actually are extraordinary in these certain things, i just think that that's not good for you, that's not good for the people you're going to serve, that's not good for the world. I don't believe in delusion, but I also don't believe in delusion in the negative way either, and I think that there's a lot of positive things that other people are willing to say about you that is based on real evidence, not just them trying to butter you up or whatever.
Speaker 1:We had somebody on one of the calls we did for group coaching. When they were introducing themselves, they forgot to take mute off And they said yeah, i am the type of person that would do that. Like I'm such a klutz. I would never consider this person a klutz or whatever accident prone. Whatever you consider that, i think this person is wonderful And I've told this person that many times behind the scenes. But I wonder how many times hearing it from somebody else has to happen before you start to think about it yourself or you start to own it yourself or you start to resonate with it or identify it with it. It's a very interesting thing where some of the people who believe in themselves the least get the most amount of compliments. Isn't that weird?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think there's some truth to when you have high, very positive self-concept, it's almost like people don't want to, they don't think that you need it, they don't think you need compliments.
Speaker 1:And I get why I do.
Speaker 2:We were at the Next Level Hope Foundation and I'm very, very aware of the kids and how they think about themselves. I'm trying to, anyways. And there's one little boy who doesn't have a very positive self-view And there's one little boy who has a very positive self-view. You know probably who I'm thinking of And I'm not making either one of those wrong, but I do know that the way people treat each one of those people is very different, based on what they think is best for them. So, for example, if someone has a really, really positive self-view, a lot of people think, ah, they might need to be taken down a notch or oh, they're arrogant. And maybe there's some truth to that. Genuinely, in this case, with this little boy, that is true, but some of it is rooted in truth, because that nine-year-old I'm talking about anonymously here is actually more capable than most of the other kids, and I think that I think it always comes back to the drive to five. You know, kevin asked me before we did this episode what's your intention? And I think for me, i just hope that everyone can see themselves more accurately, and I think the reason why is Most of the pain in my life that was self-caused had to do with seeing myself or other people inaccurately.
Speaker 2:And I think that as you get older you get more and more evidence And I think you, as long as you're very contemplative, you start to eventually realize you know what. I was delusional about my dad. I was delusional about my mom. I was delusional about my friends. I was delusional about myself. You know, sometimes you're worse than you thought, sometimes you're better than you thought. But if you're taking in what other people are saying about you to you as the only evidence to your self-concept, you're in trouble because those very same people are actually bragging about you behind the scenes. And I have one friend who I know brags about me, you know, behind the scenes, but to my face he would never say anything positive And I think it's because he didn't want to inflate my ego And I think in some senses that's actually understandable. But in other senses he doesn't realize that those compliments would have been really helpful.
Speaker 1:I can see that, though I know I've said before, I can understand why people it's hard for them to root for you, Not because you don't do amazing work and you're not heart driven, but I think when you look from the outside and it's like well, you know you're gonna be fine. I need some. I would like some compliments.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that does make sense. That's never landed in the past, but it does now. But I also I think that I want you to know, and I know you know that, but for our listeners to those people, remember those people aren't getting complimented by anybody.
Speaker 1:Well, we've experienced that. We've known some very, very, very attractive human beings and they were some of the most insecure people ever because I'm sure any of the love they got was probably not a heart driven level of love. It wasn't like, hey, I just want to let you know like you're an incredibly beautiful human. It was probably like, hey, you're hot, you're sexy or whatever. Oh yeah, yeah, I think that's a good insert, positive, potentially negative thing here. This is an early next level nugget, because we're only like maybe a little more than halfway through the episode here. But what would have to happen for all of the compliments for you that you get to land? Because here's the interesting thing You can think about somebody who maybe didn't have a lot going on early in life, or somebody who works really hard but didn't get a lot of results.
Speaker 1:They probably got lifted up a lot. I think at some level we think it's fake or we think it's pity or whatever it may be. Last night I was so Terrin said hey, I would love for you to braid my hair. I was like what She's like, I don't know. I feel like it would be fun. I would really enjoy that. I was like all right, let's do it Quick funny moment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. Emilia asked me last night because I'm growing my hair out. She said are you ever going to do a man bun? I would love to braid your hair, I don't know, There's a lot of braiding going on.
Speaker 1:So I finished working We were watching something I ate quick and she said do you want to do it now? I was like, yeah, what do I do? She's like we'll just pull up a YouTube video. I was like, all right, cool, this person on the YouTube video. it was a really good video. So I spent probably half hour, 45 minutes practicing and we got to the end and she's like you did a really good job, babe, you're the best. I was like, oh, okay, no way, you're not really serious. You're obviously lifting me up because I did a terrible job. I didn't say that, but I was thinking it. One later she went to bed a little bit earlier than I did, than I came in, and she's like I want you to know, you did a really good job. I'm not kidding, you did a really really good job. And I was like oh, did I really? And she said, yeah, you did a really good job for your first time. And I was like, oh, okay. And then I owned it For your first time, for my first time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, no, no, i'm not a professional. But that's the cool thing. That's the cool thing, context matters, because if that was your 50th time, she probably wouldn't have said a great job.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's fair. But if she didn't say great job, would I ever have got to the 50th time? That's a great point.
Speaker 2:That's a great point, I wonder.
Speaker 1:I'm sweating profusely right now because it's hot in this office and I'm still wearing my.
Speaker 2:It's actually better than it was earlier. I'm still wearing my gym clothes. from this morning It's been a day to say the least. Kevin was up in the attic trying to fix our ventilation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was a whole thing. I just wonder. I don't know, man. I know for a long time, if somebody gave me a compliment, I wouldn't own it because I didn't believe it. You can't own something you don't believe in. What did you think they were doing? I thought they were pitying me. I thought it was pity. I know you probably don't have too much going on, so let me give you this little win.
Speaker 2:Because you don't believe it about yourself. So it just bounces off. It's like the trampoline.
Speaker 1:You can't imagine that somebody else believes something about you that you don't. It doesn't make sense. They have evidence. Yeah, Right, right. What I always used to say is I don't have your limiting beliefs, I have my own unless I'm far from perfect, I have my own.
Speaker 2:I don't have any limiting beliefs.
Speaker 1:But I don't see yours. When I'm working with somebody or when I meet somebody, I don't see your limiting beliefs. I only see what is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's objective. Yeah, versus biased And a snapshot.
Speaker 1:It's also a snapshot.
Speaker 2:This is why, when you go around family members, it's so fascinating to see your intimate partner with their family. It's always been such an interesting study for me whenever I'm in a relationship And I've been in relationships since I was 11 years old No, no, no, well, i had whatever Serious relationships wasn't until probably 16, 17 maybe. But the point is is, i would always find it fascinating the way their family saw them versus the way I saw them. I've always found that really because they're just seeing them as a little kid still They don't know how not to.
Speaker 2:It's like I get it When I'm a father. I'm sure it's going to be hard to see my children as not children when they were children for so long. And like I do get it. but the way that you see yourself and the way that your family sees you is almost always inaccurate because it's an old version.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's what you share with them. That's kind of the other thing too. Is you The level to which somebody understands you is truly the level to which somebody can compliment you because they actually know you?
Speaker 2:So let me get this straight, Kev Yeah, You see yourself inaccurately because you've always been yourself and you've grown, but you don't necessarily lock in those new things. Fair jingle are around people a lot like your family and long-term friends that can't see you accurately because they're still judging you based on a past version. And then, on top of that, you're only able to get feedback based on what you're showing your friends and family, which is pretty much based on what they're seeing you as The other, and there's also an element of their standards versus mine.
Speaker 2:So it's almost impossible to see yourself accurately unless you're seeking out doing that.
Speaker 1:I think it's a real, real, real challenge, because either people are going to This was kind of it in the preamble Either people are going to treat you I don't want to say better or worse they're either going to over, They're going to expect over what you're capable of or under what you're capable of, Unfortunately. I just want you, if you're watching or listening, to be able to own whatever your truth is.
Speaker 2:You remember when you and I were at Next Level Live and we were in the bathroom and just turned to my right, kevin's at the urinal And we're like isn't it interesting how we're just a couple of guys in a bathroom but when we go out there we're a big deal, just for today. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you said something along the lines of how you had contemplated that of famous people who they just go to the bathroom and they're just regular people just peeing, and it's just funny because at the end of the day, i think famous people are seen so much more than what they really are because of all of the hype and all that. And then they are probably by their family and people have known them their whole life. They're probably seen as still less than they really are. I think about a Beyonce right. It's like is her like sis? I don't know if she has a sister or brother or whatever.
Speaker 1:I don't think she's a sister. I think her sister Solange, i believe, is her name, and she also is a singer, i believe.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, fair. So I don't know, but I do know that her sister probably sees her as her sister, not as Beyonce, and I think we all of this has to do with, like, the way, the way your friends see you, the way you see yourself, and then the compliments you get are all data, but none of it is really the whole data.
Speaker 1:One of our favorite quotes, like one of our next level used to be a hyper conscious quote, but one of our next level quotes the closer you get to somebody, the closer you get to the truth. To the truth. I would say the same about yourself the closer you get to yourself, the closer you get to your truth. I think again, this is just another reason why self-awareness is so important. Now let's try to play footsies. Full disclosure. I have sandals on with socks.
Speaker 1:Again, it's been one of those days The closer you get to yourself, the closer you get to your truth. And then I think that's when you can start to say you know what? Yeah, i am, i am pretty good at this, or I you know what? I'm really not that good at this. The level this is another thing. I won't make it a quote, but the level that you can own your losses, i think has to do with the level you can own your wins. You'd have to imagine it would be beneficial to start on one end, like do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2:I just had a moment. Have you ever had someone come up to you and say that you talk too negatively about yourself?
Speaker 1:No, I think you get that more than I do. Okay.
Speaker 2:I think the reason why is because they see me higher than what I'm saying to myself. But what they might not know is that I actually view myself really positively. But in that moment I'm trying to communicate to myself. It's almost like what's a good example of this How do I make this land? Imagine you have a friend who talks super negatively about you behind your back and you think super positively about you all the time, and then you meet with that friend and then they kind of get you to five because they kind of say, honestly, you're really not that great here, here and here, and you're like well, i am great here, here and here.
Speaker 2:I think all of us have a student council for lack of better phrasing where in our heads we're talking to ourselves and I think we have different parts talking to each other. Like there's a part of me that thinks I'm amazing at communicating, like seriously, world, like one of the best, excellent, excellent communicator. But right now I don't feel good at communicating. This is like brutal. Do you know what I mean? But that's always happening simultaneously, so I think they're only hearing one part of me, right? So when I say I'm a terrible communicator, no, no, no, i'm not a terrible communicator compared to other people. I'm a terrible communicator compared to what I want to be and compared to what I'm capable of.
Speaker 2:And I think that you asked my intention. My intention is to help everyone maybe understand that different parts of you have different beliefs and different friends have different beliefs about you And it's almost like none of it is true and all of it's true. So you kind of have to wean through all of it and try to figure out you know which fish you want to grab and which ones you want to give. Back to the fishing analogy.
Speaker 2:To the water To the water, and your self-concept is your responsibility. If you want to feel bad about yourself, it's not hard to do that. Just go look at everything wrong with yourself. If you want to feel good about yourself, all you have to do is ignore all the bad and look at only the good. But if you ignore all the bad, i'm telling you you're not going to improve.
Speaker 2:And I have some things about my family that frustrate me, because it's like why did we ignore so many of our challenges? Like I wish we had just faced some of this stuff. And if all you do is look at the positives, you're going to be delusionally positive. If all you do is look at the negatives, you're going to be delusionally negative. And if all you do is have friends that are negative, you're going to be delusionally negative. And if all you do is have friends that are positive, constantly affirming, you're going to be delusionally positive. And so it's almost like you have to have this chicken soup for the soul sort of feedback loop of constantly figuring out where you're at and who you are, and as you grow and evolve, you're just going to have to redo that. So hopefully I didn't overwhelm everybody, but that's why you and I have been so blessed to have these conversations, because we're trying to figure out who we are, who the listeners are, what is aligned and what isn't.
Speaker 2:I think NLU, in a nutshell, is a lot of that. It really is just kind of like reassessing Okay, we're off our GPS, we took a wrong turn. Okay, maybe I'm not that strong of a speaker, maybe I am a little arrogant, maybe I am humble Holy crap, am I humble, like that kind of stuff? There's a lot of that going on at Hyperconscious, you know, next Level University, and I think that when you think accurately that's my thesis, i'm convinced When you think accurately about yourself, when you think accurately about others and when you think accurately about the world, you can flourish within it. I think it's delusion and distortion that messes us up.
Speaker 1:I would say one more Next Level nugget Kind of. It's kind of an awareness thing What position are you more likely to defend? So if somebody came up to you and said, hey, you're really good at blank, and you had to sit with us, not just say, oh, no, no, I'm not. No, like what do you really feel? What would you defend? if somebody said, hey, you're really consistent, Would you say, no, I'm not. Here's a list of reasons why. Or would you say, yeah, no, I really am. Here's a list of reasons why. What would you defend? Because, yeah, some people are going to tell you you're better than you are. Some people are going to tell you you're worse than you are. Sometimes, when they tell you you're worse than you are, it might be one of those things where it's like, well, I've been working on that a lot, but I don't feel like I've been making the progress I want, Or it could be. No, that's something I've been working on like really, really, really often. I think that's something I've actually really come up with, Even when you say that you're defending that position.
Speaker 1:That would be my next level nugget, Just like if you were doing it with somebody else. If somebody came up to you and said hey, I want to tell Jen, I want to tell Christie, I want to tell Bob, I want to tell Andrew, whatever in a certain name, this secret. But I don't think I can trust them. Your defense would be no, no, I've told that person a million secrets and they've never, ever, ever, ever. They've never even brought it up again, Nevermind told somebody else. You're defending that position. If you can do that with yourself, you're going to be in a really, really, really good place.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and would you defend yourself as much as you defend other people? And that's a self-respect thing, and that's all another episode.
Speaker 1:We have to go because you have a coaching goal. Yes, that's fast, and I have to drive to my homeland after this, your homeland.
Speaker 2:The drive to my home, the homeland of your.
Speaker 1:Yes, the old homeland, Next level nation. if you are looking for people who are going to keep it real with you, and if you're watching or listening to this, if you're in the community, i'm willing to bet that there are a lot of really, really good things about you that you have not owned yet. If you're looking for that, if you're looking for positivity, if you're looking for good vibes all of that happy jazz please join our private Facebook group, next Level Nation. The link is in the show notes below.
Speaker 2:And if you want to look at both the good things and have feedback from people who want to help you. They're going to help you see yourself more accurately Both good and maybe uncomfortable. Right, it's not like I have someone reviewing my blogs right now. Shout out to Lizzie. I want what are the three most important wins and what are the three most important improvements. I want constructive feedback as well as praise. You know what did you love bright spots and what didn't you like, and group coaching is perfect for that.
Speaker 2:Group coaching is kind of like being on a team where it's like listen. We all have flaws and weaknesses. We all have unique goals and dreams. We all wanna think and look at ourselves accurately and we're gonna help each other do that. Here's some frameworks. Here's some group work. Here's what we're gonna do, and so group coaching is launching on July 11th. This is group 11. We've done 10 iterations. We just posted in Next Level Nation actually that we've graduated 100 members, and so you can go and look at those comments of all these people of what they got out of group coaching and which group they were in. I used to have all the names memorized, but I do not anymore. I have lost track. But it is $96 a month for listeners who reach out. Alan at nextleveluniversecom. Email me, i will get you the promo code and you'll go on the website. It'll be next $96 per month. Next Level Group Coaching.
Speaker 1:Tomorrow for episode number 1391, a reframe for new problems. This is something I've been saying very, very often behind the scenes and I've been saying it on other podcasts as well, so that will be a very, hopefully, good episode. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU, we're not a fans, we have family. We'll talk to you all tomorrow.
Speaker 2:See yourself accurately Next time on Nation.
