Next Level University
Confidence, mindset, relationships, limiting beliefs, family, goals, consistency, self-worth, and success are at the core of hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros' heart-driven, no-nonsense approach to holistic self-improvement. This transformative, 7 day per week podcast is focused on helping dream chasers who have been struggling to achieve their goals and are seeking community, consistency and answers. If you've ever asked yourself "How do I get to the next level in my life", we're here for you!
Our goal at NLU is to help you uncover the habits to build unshakable confidence, cultivate a powerful mindset, nurture meaningful relationships, overcome limiting beliefs, create an amazing family life, set and achieve transformative goals, embrace consistency, recognize your self-worth, and ultimately create the fulfillment and success you desire. Let's level up your health, wealth and love!
Next Level University
#1413 - Why EMPATHY Is So Important In Your Relationships
What's the secret ingredient to successful relationships? Spoiler alert: It's empathy. Today hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros talk about this often-overlooked trait in our growth journey. They discuss the tricky waters of judgment and compassion, realizing the power of our experiences and struggles in cultivating empathy. They also touch on moments of self-doubt and how such experiences played out in their lives and helped them be more empathetic.
Link mentioned:
How to Streamline Your Dreams - https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-streamline-your-dreams-alan-lazaros
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Show notes:
[2:03] Growth is really hard
[5:27] Remember what it was like
[11:07] Empathize to the level you experienced
[18:09] Struggling with empathy
[22:45] Eddie expresses his satisfaction with Alan's support in his and his business' growth through the Next Level Business Solutions
[26:50] What do you struggle to empathize with?
[32:46] Empathy instead of anger
[40:18] Everybody is climbing their own unique mountain
[45:52] Outro
Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level university, where we teach you how to level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode, episode number 1412, an open conversation about money all about that. Mula today for episode number 1413 why empathy is so important in your relationships was talking to somebody recently and they said you've grown a lot, you evolved a lot. It must be getting weird when you Look back to your past and you connect with people and you think about all the relationships and you think about old friendships and you you see people that you haven't seen in a long time. And I said why do you say that? And and they said it must be hard for you to to not understand why they're Not growing. It must be really hard for you not to want to push them to grow more. It must be really hard for you. And they said not, they didn't say judge, but they said how you not judge that even a little bit.
Speaker 2:And I said that's a great question. I don't know, I don't really think of it, and I dug, and I dug, and I dug and I said honestly, I have empathy for the fact that growth is really, really, really hard.
Speaker 1:I mean, of course, not everybody's gonna grow to the rate that you do, or I do or if you're watching or listening. Not everybody is gonna grow to the rate that you have because imagine how difficult it's been to grow I. Have empathy for the fact that some people right now growth is Getting through where they are. I really do. I, I don't expect everybody to grow. I don't expect everybody to read. I don't expect everybody to listen to podcasts. I just don't, I don't. I don't know where that comes from.
Speaker 2:Maybe that's just pessimistic, I don't know, but I have empathy for the fact that some people getting through the day is the growth.
Speaker 1:For some people, getting through the day is the mud and, if you can, use empathy in your relationship, so I pulled up the definition of it the ability to sense other people's emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling that, of course, if you're scarce all the time, it's gonna be very, very challenging for you to say you know what, I'm gonna get outside of my comfort zone and go to an event, or I'm gonna get outside of my comfort zone and hire a coach. I completely understand that, now more than ever, just because of how challenging this episode has been.
Speaker 1:So my question to start this episode is On a scale of one to ten, how much empathy are you Practicing towards the people that you care about, and what could you do to increase it if you're not happy with the number that you see when you look in the mirror?
Speaker 3:I Would say for me, kev. Sometimes I do struggle with that. Sometimes I do struggle with why aren't people reading more books? Why aren't people Taking more opportunities? Why are people making so many excuses? I Know some people who grew up in unbelievably difficult situations adopted, beaten, molested, sexually abused that end up creating growth-oriented, magnificent, contribution driven lives, and I know some people who, quite frankly, have had it quite easy, and some of those people who have had it quite easy don't end up doing much with that. And I've also seen both ends of both of those coins too. You know some people that have also been abused and had really tough upbringings that end up doing very little, and some people who had great upbringings that end up doing a lot.
Speaker 3:So it's Every part of that spectrum. I've seen all of that.
Speaker 3:Sometimes I do struggle with that for sure, because when you live this growth-oriented life where you track habits every day and you Our whole world is an echo chamber of growth-oriented gold-dream chasers, and so what Kevin and I talked about prior to this episode that I want to focus on is all I have to do to get out of that place of judgment or being overly critical or being non-empathetic in this case is remember what it was like for me.
Speaker 3:Remember when I was drinking too much and too often, remember the mistakes that I've made, remember the weaknesses that I have, and I think that when you really look at all of your, I think that personal development is looking at all of who you are. It's looking at all the good, all the gifts, all the greatness, all the amazingness, all of it, but also looking at all of the weaknesses, all the struggles, all the mistakes, all the failures. I think that that is what creates a holistic, self-aware person, and I think some people are overly focused on all the negative stuff about themselves and some people are overly focused on all the great about themselves, and it's very difficult to stay at five and to look at all of it from a 360-degree lens, if you're only looking at one half of the equation you're only looking at 180 degrees you're not going to understand yourself very well and, more importantly, to the point of this episode is whenever I have felt.
Speaker 3:I had a client once who was struggling to make her bed in the morning, struggling to clean her room, struggling to do even the most basic things I had to take a moment and look back and think back to some of my darkest moments where I couldn't even get out of bed.
Speaker 2:Because, kev, you and I used to talk about how we used to have I used to have tough months tough years, tough weeks.
Speaker 3:I remember I would have a bad week where I would barely accomplish anything for an entire week, and nowadays you and I have tough mornings tough evenings, tough days here and there, but usually we're back at it pretty quick. We get back on the horse fairly fast you know, all things considered. My therapist said I've never seen someone who's been through as much as you've been through, who functions the way you do. But it didn't start out with like oh, yeah, I'm back, oh, I'm back.
Speaker 3:oh, I'm back. I remember it used to take, I used to spend days in bed, and so for me that's what does it. For me is just remember what it was like back then, because nowadays it's not that relatable. I mean seriously, you know it's not that relatable.
Speaker 2:I have a housekeeper.
Speaker 3:We work from home.
Speaker 2:We do seven episodes a week.
Speaker 3:I'm going to hold space. I think Kev's got something going on. Production team just cut this out.
Speaker 2:We're good.
Speaker 1:I heard a loud noise. I thought something happened.
Speaker 2:I think it's scared, triggered, triggered.
Speaker 3:Triggered, of course You're on it, you're on it. I just told the production team to cut.
Speaker 2:I appreciate it. I heard a loud. I don't know ever since I caught Tara joking, I'm like oh, I'm on alert all the time, of course, okay where'd it go?
Speaker 3:Where'd it go? Throw on your super suit, man, let's go. Okay. So production team, I'm going to go back to what I was saying. So for me, that's how I've created empathy is realizing that a lot of what we do and the way we operate now.
Speaker 2:Isn't that empathetic?
Speaker 3:naturally, it's not easily relatable, and some of it is, of course, right. Everyone has challenges and struggles, and I still don't want to do certain things. I still procrastinate certain things. I still struggle with everything that I've always struggled with. I still struggle with it, just to a lesser extent or in a different way, but there are certain things about you and I's lives, Kev, that aren't really relatable to some people. Our challenges are very different. How do we grow a million dollars? How do we build a billion dollar business? How do we serve our clients at a deeper level? How do we make this podcast even more valuable? How do we not say umlike or in between? That's our challenges. Now, there's still challenges, but they're much nicer than the challenges I used to have, which that's my point.
Speaker 2:So for me.
Speaker 3:I remember what it was like to not be able to go to the gym. This would be a perfect example, and this will be the end of my monologue. I remember. Now I exercise every day.
Speaker 2:I can actually say that I exercise every single day for over 500 days now.
Speaker 3:It would be hard for me to empathize with someone who can't go to the gym, who struggles to exercise, unless I remembered how much I struggled, because for me now it is pretty automatic and there's something for you out there listening that's automatic that I struggle with. Maybe you stretch every day. I definitely don't.
Speaker 2:I should need to, I should I wish I could.
Speaker 3:I don't want to say I wish I could. Obviously I can, but I don't. So what's easy for you is hard for me.
Speaker 2:What's easy for me is hard for you.
Speaker 3:That's another lens of empathy, for sure, and what I would say is I remember going to the gym after letting myself go crying in the bathroom and then leaving the gym.
Speaker 2:When I remember that, it's like okay.
Speaker 3:I could see, I could see why, and so for me, that's what I would recommend is it's very easy to lose sight of how hard things used to be If you're not consistently level setting yourself about that. I have an 18 year old client, so I have to put myself back at 18. And I'm blown away by him.
Speaker 3:I'm not blown away by him compared to me, now I'm 34. You shouldn't be as smart as me. You shouldn't be as well-developed as me, you shouldn't be as emotionally intelligent as me. You shouldn't be all those things. You're 18, but compared to me at 18, oh my goodness. So that's how I empathize. I try to go to where people are.
Speaker 2:I've realized recently that I'm not quite as good at that as I thought but I try hard to do that.
Speaker 1:And the interesting, interesting, you haven't really you haven't been where a lot of people are.
Speaker 2:I mean, you have, you've had your own things. You can only empathize to the level that you experience it.
Speaker 2:You hear me say this all the time. I say this on the team. I can. I can understand to the level that I can understand. I don't know what it's like to be a mom. I have no idea what it's like to birth a child. I have no idea what it's like to watch four kids at the same time by yourself. I have no clue. I can contextually try to grasp it, but I'm never going to get all the way down.
Speaker 3:I'm never going to get there, because that is never going to be my experience. I think that's humility plus. It's interesting. It's almost like admitting you can't. Empathize is a form of empathy.
Speaker 1:It means you're trying.
Speaker 2:It means you're trying, every everybody. If you're watching or listening, you are on the top of one hill. You've made it to the top of a hill, but it doesn't mean you're at the top of the hill. There's another hill to climb. And when I I work with a lot of early podcasters For me.
Speaker 1:I remember that.
Speaker 2:I remember what it's like to not be able to get guests. I remember what it's like not to be able to get on shows. I remember all the other. Forget that. I'll never forget that.
Speaker 3:I have so much empathy for that. Why do you think you?
Speaker 1:are so good at remembering that. Because there's probably a part of me that doesn't feel like I deserve what we have, not from a self-worth piece, but just a again. All of this has been quite a surprise in many ways. Every time at 1400 and 13, every time I do the intro, it's like how, how are we at 1400 and 13 episodes?
Speaker 2:I don't want to say it every time. If you're listening, you'll get annoyed if I say, wow, another. I Said it one of the last episodes of the climb to 1500.
Speaker 1:It's like shut up Kev.
Speaker 2:Everybody knows. You say the intro every episode but, that. We were we were going through the stuff, the other day and it's 600. I bet on other 600 other shows or something that it doesn't. When I say it doesn't always land until I think about it's like wow, that's something.
Speaker 1:I'm the first one. Yes rock bottom syndicate well, the first one technically was yours, your, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, he put up quotes my podcast yeah my YouTube channel.
Speaker 3:But yeah, conversations change lives come to say the name. Stations change lives when they're hyper conscious. I Think that's what it is for me.
Speaker 1:I don't, because I know how challenging it's been. I don't expect you to yeah, I Don't expect anybody else to do what we're doing. Not that I don't believe you can. There are people out there that can do what we're doing for sure hundred percent. I just don't expect you to want to do it. Why would you want to? Hmm, why, why?
Speaker 2:would you want? I know, it's not for everybody.
Speaker 3:I remember I had the moment with Emilia and it was a morning. No, no, no, it was an evening. It was an evening and I asked her. I said how many things have you done today? And I knew she had a long day I can always tell like a long, just day. I Said how many things have you done?
Speaker 2:today.
Speaker 3:That were not really difficult, that you actually wanted to do. She looked at me laugh, zero. I Knew like, of course, all she does is delay gratification, delay gratification, delay gratification. She is a machine machine and I do the same thing. So it's, and I said you ever wonder why we ever don't see Our own value or, or more importantly, why we expect other people to be like that. You ever wonder that. I asked her that. She's like because think about it, you know how hard it's been to become you. Can you possibly expect anyone else to ever do that? And she's like no, as a see, we don't think. From that frame, though, and if you're out there listening, hopefully you can. You can have that moment of gratitude for self of. Gratitude for self of if I were to really break down the amount of effort it's taken for me to become this man. Oh, I mean.
Speaker 3:Yeah you couldn't possibly expect right that.
Speaker 2:And then there's the capability of. There is any, it's different right, because not everybody's, even humanly capable of that.
Speaker 1:That's the other piece.
Speaker 3:That's something I don't fully Know how to articulate either, and I don't fully understand either. But but then there's the other side of this coin and this is where I struggle, because I'm holding a different duality than you are. There's the other side of the coin, which is, honestly, I'm one, one millionth of what I should be in my opinion. So it's hard for me not to project that onto other people, and I don't mean one, one millionth, that was a little extreme. But I would say I'm at probably seven percent of my true potential. I thought about that the other day. I'm probably at like seven percent of what I'm truly capable of, and I think that that probably comes off wrong, because I'm not saying that I'm not proud of myself, but the compound effect of my effort. I'm only 34, I'm still at the beginning, so you know I was. I Really do think of careers and, like your life's work, being Most people, the best work they do in the world is usually in their 50s and 60s and so I've been planning on that my whole life.
Speaker 3:So I'm not even close to, I Don't feel like anything we're doing is even close to what we will do, you know. But again back to the empathy piece. I think that's why it's challenging to empathize, because I Do believe people this is what it is, kev.
Speaker 2:I believe people are way more capable than they're demonstrating genuinely I.
Speaker 3:It's hard for me not to be. If you were letting your potential slip, I would be disappointed, I think a little bit. Well, that's what I would, because you're capable of so much more. It's un, I think I've always been. We had a person in high school and you I'll keep this hypothetical, okay, I'll keep this anonymous, rather, kev, you'll know who I'm talking about. This person broke every running record that our school had, mm-hmm you know, exactly what I'm talking about.
Speaker 3:Okay, I Was not a good athlete. I was. I was Pre-pubescent, little I couldn't believe. I was on the cross-country team. I couldn't keep up with this dude to save my life. He was world-class, could have been the Olympics. Amazing broke every record at every track we went to, for every long-distance race the mile, the two mile, the 800, everything he 300 crushed everybody at everything he didn't need. He could have gone to school at any college. You once With a free ride, and back then for me it's like I don't even know if I'm gonna get to go to college because I don't have any money.
Speaker 2:So for me it's like.
Speaker 3:I can't believe you could squander that like why would you squander that that's such a?
Speaker 2:gift now.
Speaker 3:Who am I to project myself on?
Speaker 2:to him.
Speaker 3:Maybe that's not what he wants. But at the end of the day, he didn't train that hard. In my honest opinion, he was pretty lazy and I don't think he did much. I still, to this day, I think that in some ways he has squandered his potential, and that is my honest truth, and as harsh as that might sound.
Speaker 3:I Think that's why I struggle with empathy. Empathy at times is because I think I believe in people so damn much. I believe in people so much so it's hard for me not to see wasted potential, and that's true for me too. But again back to empathy. I Think that's why you're so different in this, because you aren't expecting people to Grow every day for the rest of their life. I Want to live in a world where everyone does grow every day for the rest of their life.
Speaker 2:That doesn't mean that they're gonna and that doesn't mean I can't empathize, but I think you and I are on like different ends of the coin here.
Speaker 3:I Just believe in human potential such a deep level, and I don't know wherever that lands for everybody.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a challenge. It's a challenge. My goal is, if you're watching or listening, think of someone. What do you think of when you look at people who aren't growing To the degree you are, and what's the natural tendency? Is it while that person is insert thing here? I used to have that. There was a part of me that used to put my standards on other people. I how I said this when I was talking to this person. I said it was just the 4th of July and I had a moment where I Would look on social and everybody's away at the beach doing their thing and you.
Speaker 1:I was at your house, you and I were recording on the 4th of July because our equipment was Jeffed and I said the old me would have said, ah, they're losing momentum and and that made that the truth right, they're not Not maximizing their potential to the level that they could, but they probably don't want to. Okay, you do, you, I understand, of course you don't want to there's a reason it's a holiday.
Speaker 2:There's a reason nobody works on. I'm not nobody. There's reason most people don't work on holiday.
Speaker 1:That's the way it's set up. That's the way it is. So when I see that it's just my perspective now is I complete yeah, I completely understand now.
Speaker 1:It doesn't mean you can't want better. It doesn't mean I don't want better for these people. It doesn't mean Any of those things. It just means that I understand, I Remember what it was like to not have any belief in myself and have no where to no idea where to start, and I remember that, that, and I think there's a part of me that knows, if you weren't there, it would be different. I don't know what, in what way, but I've had a mentor every day for the last six years. I didn't, I haven't had to pay a dime. I mean, I paid with pieces of my life, but but I that was very much a coincidence I said the right thing. I said the right lies at the right times and you believes me.
Speaker 2:And here we are six years later, we got a business and I've been running that, running that system forever.
Speaker 1:But that I think that's why I have empathy, because what if you didn't pick me? What would happen to me? I don't know. Think about it, you're. You're one mistake away from a completely different life, one mistake. Yeah, you know one fight outside of a bar where you you'd knock somebody out and they crack their head on the pavement and die and you go to jail. That's one decision, one bad decision in one moment of weakness, under the influence of one substance.
Speaker 2:You know I have now again. That's very extreme.
Speaker 1:I'm not you know, but I and now I'm starting to have an understanding of how one thing turns into five things. You turns that turns into where somebody is today. And then there's also that piece of me that I work with early podcasters all the time most of them are gonna be us they. They don't want to be us. And if I want them, if I want them to be us more than they want to be us, they're not gonna stay with me for very long Because that's not what they want and I'm not saying they're not capable.
Speaker 1:Some of them are not capable.
Speaker 2:But some of them are, some of them are capable. Definitely, I work with some very capable humans.
Speaker 1:But I also work with people who just they're not cut out to do what we're doing the way we're doing it.
Speaker 2:That's okay.
Speaker 1:It doesn't mean they can't be successful in their own night when I have, I try to hold that perspective, because Going back to the ideal versus realistic what's realistic for you and I and what's ideal for you and I might be Might seem impossible for somebody else, or what's realistic or ideal for somebody else might be completely different for us. I just I'm just really trying to sit with that, more now than ever. I.
Speaker 3:Think one of the reasons I struggle to Articulate how I feel on episodes like this is because I I Think I'm scared to share the truth that I have, which is I don't know how much I Can empathize with not believing in myself. Right, that's fair fair and that's scary to share, because that's a big piece of the puzzle that I that I don't really know what it's like not to have. I have had moments of self-doubt that were brutal. They were so bad.
Speaker 3:I remember there was this one short time in my life I was with an ex-girlfriend of mine and she is a very beautiful, supermodel-esque, gorgeous human and I remember I was so insecure that I I was like so scared to lose her. And I remember there was like a week where I was so vulnerable and so scared and I even got to the point where I couldn't compliment her because I was so scared. And For me that's the closest to self-doubt I can relate. You know, don't get me wrong there have been bouts of that, but it's never lasted more than a week. I remember one time I was sitting by the lake with one of my friends and I said I just don't feel like me and what I was really sharing is I'm doubting myself all the time. I feel so doubtful. It doesn't feel like me. And he even said yeah, this is very unlike you. It's like without self-belief. I don't feel like you can. I don't know it's, it's not the same life you know, because you you've been on both ends.
Speaker 2:This other end is is amazing now, don't? That's why I have empathy I think.
Speaker 3:I think that's one of the reasons I struggle with it.
Speaker 1:It doesn't I can't have empathy.
Speaker 3:It doesn't mean I don't have empathy. I mean I'm. I'm gunning for everybody to chase their dreams and become better and have the best life they can possibly have, and you will never find evidence to the contrary of me trying to help people grow towards their dreams and achieve their goals. That is what my whole life's been about. No, but I do struggle when people are Squandering their potential, and I told you, amelia, that I said wasted potential has always bothered me, always, has always. Now I said but the truth is it bothers me and myself too. It's not like I'm just projecting on everyone else. I. It bothers me and me, and I think to some degree and hopefully this is an excellent nugget that we didn't expect here that means it's my calling you. If it bothers me, that means it's like the environment bothers you immediately, like the, the, the fact that we're ruining the earth. It bothers her and I said, sweetheart, it's supposed to bother you.
Speaker 3:It's part of your calling. You know it's supposed to bother me when people squander their potential. That's who I was born to be. That's who I was born I. I am helping people maximize their potential. Of course, when people are squandering it, I'm gonna be bothered just like it bothers you when people get bullied.
Speaker 3:You know that's part of your purpose, that's part of your calling and I think that if we can, just If we can, tap into that emotions, the emotions of how upset you were about the, the kitten. You know it's like Emilia and I are thinking like, okay, charity, how can we save more cats, all that kind of stuff. Now that's more connected to her purpose than mine, but it's because it it gets in your heart and so I don't know how that connects to empathy, but I do know that I, whatever you struggle to empathize with you, is probably your gift.
Speaker 3:Hmm, I mean what? What do you struggle to empathize with?
Speaker 1:there's got to be something. What do I struggle to empathize with?
Speaker 3:Like what frustrates you about people or the world, arrogance there you go. Humility is your gift, then.
Speaker 1:I, I'd like to think, so I try, but like.
Speaker 3:Arrogance frustrates you. Do you empathize with arrogant people that hurt others? You don't empathize with that. You're not supposed to. I think, yeah, you can't. That's somewhat what I feel like. That's fair a little bit with people who are are squandering their potential because they, they're kids and their kids kids, they're all. You know. I grew up in an environment with very little personal, with no personal development. I'm not gonna say very little. I grew up in an environment with zero personal development and it hurt me and my loved ones and that's you. There's something to learn here. If there's anything you struggle to empathize with, I can promise you it's connected to your calling in some way and it's not. You can tell, even in this conversation. It's not from a place of hate, no, no. It's not from a place of how dare the?
Speaker 2:person we talked about earlier. It's not. How dare they. They're not deserving of life.
Speaker 1:None of that, no, no, I actually would love to help that person. It just doesn't make sense to you. It doesn't make any sense right.
Speaker 3:To me it's like, oh my god, you could have. I mean, you could have been anything you wanted, you know.
Speaker 2:And how could you possibly?
Speaker 3:squander that. But again, that's that's my calling, so of course I'm gonna feel that way.
Speaker 1:The trampoline it's, it's when, when something, just you cannot get it. You just do not understand. We say trampoline, it just bounces off, this bounces off. There are certain things where I'll say it and how it's like I do trampoline, I don't, it just bounces off, it doesn't land, and there's certain things he said to me but it lands for me, because I've been it, I know what it's like.
Speaker 1:I know it's like to doubt myself before every speech. I'm convinced that that is one of my purposes. One of my purposes to be the guy who's just never believe in himself, who teaches other people who don't have ten out of ten belief in themselves how to actually believe in themselves not just saying why, when I send you a speech by, I sent Kevin a speech by Tom bill, you and Kev said I'm telling you he had level 10 self-belief.
Speaker 3:I never even noticed. To me it was like I thought he was doubting himself way too much.
Speaker 1:Oh he, he. This was the tell. He Either sat outside his professors Classroom every day and offered to take him to lunch, or something ended up taking him to lunch, and that's not something somebody who doubts themselves does. That's movie shit. I'm watching suits right now and suits is just. Everybody has ten out of ten belief in themselves in that show. It's wild and they all do stuff like that. They wait outside of the judge and they bribe them with, you know, money or whatever, tickets to the opera, whatever it may be. They all have ten out of ten believe in themselves. But that's why they have the job they have. That's why they're the most successful lawyers in New York.
Speaker 3:Well then you have a Unique opportunity to I do to get places To, to have a platform to share with people. I mean, kevin's the reason why we talk about self-belief so much. I didn't even know. I Actually am alarmed at how a few people talk about it in the industry.
Speaker 3:I know why the people who end up successful at the highest levels have level 10 self-belief and they have no idea. Other people Don't. And one of the reasons why is because a lot of people are faking it. Real talk. A lot of people are faking self-belief. You, you included. You used to, you know, pretend you had high self-belief when you were around people.
Speaker 1:If you listen back to the old episodes, there's a lie. I heard something the other day and I couldn't even listen. It's just there's ego. They're not negative. I'm better than everybody else. Ego. It's like I need to puff myself up in order to actually feel like I belong where I am. That the imposter syndrome. I need to overcome the imposter syndrome with Putting walls up.
Speaker 3:Ego is what it was back then when you interviewed me. I know we got a jump.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know how long, just you know spend hours these.
Speaker 3:Well, we started at 9, so I think it's like a half hour plus. You also left for a quick minute. So, you had to when you first interviewed me. Last question, I Didn't know you weren't confident.
Speaker 1:I Don't know if I was. I Was confident enough to set up my podcast stuff and interview you and then put it on the internet. I think there was a level of confidence there but not what you were portraying Probably not.
Speaker 3:I think that that has been a big blind spot for me, because to me it looks the same as the way I feel right and in.
Speaker 3:I've come to understand in my wiser years of my 30s that most people think they believe in themselves more than they really do, or they think they believe in themselves less than they really do but either way, they usually hide that in public because I Think from a primitive perspective, if you, if you portray low self-belief and vulnerability when you feel weak, you most likely are in danger to be bullied or picked on. Or it's like when we were kids, when the weakest kid on the basketball court or on the football field always got picked on. You know, Hmm.
Speaker 3:I think it's still kind of that and again, I'm still trying to figure all this out. But I would say very few people have level 10 self-belief and their actions actually match that behind the scenes. That's been a fascinating study for sure.
Speaker 1:What a deep episode. Again, you never know. You never know where this is gonna go. Let me see here. Last thing we're already, it's already a long episode, but I wanted to add this to it.
Speaker 1:I said this. I said I think I said this on a podcast when when I met my dad so quick, I didn't know my dad. I didn't meet my dad until I was 27 and I saw him. I knew him when I was younger. I saw him when I was younger, but I wasn't old enough to know this is my father. I didn't, I didn't know. When I saw him and and I saw how Unevolved he was for lack of better phrasing, instead of getting mad at him, I had empathy for that. That's where I went, not not right away, but it was pretty quick, pretty quickly after seeing him. It was. It was a shift of oh my goodness, yeah, you're. You haven't grown at all, you're just, you're kind of a big child. I have empathy for the fact that I kind of, in a way, understand why you weren't around. I do, it makes sense. You weren't capable. You weren't capable of getting your own life together, never mind helping me with mine. Of course you weren't around.
Speaker 1:Of course I have empathy for that and then empathy led to forgiveness. Yeah, okay, now it makes sense. No, again took 27 years and I like to think, as I think, of myself as a fairly mature man and I've worked on myself a lot, but it started with me empathizing with the.
Speaker 3:is there no part of you that Wonders why he didn't take a little more responsibility and and do something better?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:No, no, it didn't happen. They could have, but a lot of things could have happened, right, I know, because it was hard. He chose something. He chose hard in other ways in Going against the law and getting arrested and doing whatever else he did.
Speaker 3:Do you think he has self-belief?
Speaker 1:No, I Think he used to, based on the stories I've heard.
Speaker 3:But again it could be delusional self, I don't know, or you go, or whatever I'm sure there was ego, but that would be hard for me because I think I Try to take such responsibility for my own life, like if you, me and I were to have a child, I Would do Whatever I need to do to become whatever I need to become to do its best and and but again, Maybe and I know that you said this to me one time and I'll never forget it it was why You're just really smart.
Speaker 2:It's not that other people aren't smart you know, you know, you're just really smart and I appreciate it and it's just hard to think that frames. I don't walk around thinking I'm so smart, you know. I mean, I do know it intellectually, but it's just hard to. Give yourself that.
Speaker 3:I guess Maybe I'm just really responsible. I don't consider myself that responsible.
Speaker 2:But. But I guess I'm pretty responsible in comparison to like you know your dad or whatever whatever, whoever you ever do, but yeah.
Speaker 1:A global business say you're pretty responsible, yeah, fair maybe you're not as responsible as you need to be to get to where we're going, doesn't?
Speaker 2:it doesn't mean you're not responsible. Definitely not.
Speaker 1:Doesn't mean you're not on the higher end. This is good for the listeners. This is for the listeners. Okay, if you're 7% to 100, it doesn't mean your 7% isn't higher than 80%, and if you're the same, for you if you're out there just because you're Okay, how about this? Maybe you just started your side hustle dream chasing, whatever that means. Just because you're 1% to accomplishing your dream doesn't mean somebody else who isn't dream chasing isn't 10% to their goals. Their goals just might be smaller, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And if they are.
Speaker 1:Everything looks a little bit different.
Speaker 2:I have to have this Alan.
Speaker 1:I. I had to have this Because nobody is nobody really wants a podcast like we do. Again, when I say nobody, I mean very statistical, a very small statistical amount of humans, but of course not most of the people we met that were podcasters are not gonna do what we're doing and that's okay. I Don't expect them to. I Don't know if I don't expect them to.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I know, but but in the other end of that tunes, if they if they aren't taking level 10 responsibility, they can't expect level 10 results and that I do think that some people Say they want that house on the beach or that beautiful body, but they aren't also taking the responsibility Necessary to actually eventually create that and I think that there's usually a disconnect between those two, but that's also growing up.
Speaker 3:I mean I. I didn't know If.
Speaker 2:I had known how much effort it was gonna take.
Speaker 3:I Learned over time as we went on.
Speaker 2:I knew it would be difficult.
Speaker 3:I did not know it would be this challenging and it was definitely challenging in different ways than I expected.
Speaker 2:So at the end of the day, it's all a growth journey. I don't, you don't know what you don't know, but you're going off what you think you know, and then, years later, you I wrote this on a blog that I'm gonna talk about, but I Said it. When I look back at me in high school, I thought I knew a lot and I did compare to other high schoolers, but I don't know anything compared to what I know now. And in five years from now I'm gonna feel the same way.
Speaker 1:You know, you and I look back at episode 200 and we were.
Speaker 2:It's so fascinating, we were like intelligent, hard-working people you know, with fairly decent self-education, but yet we, in comparison to us, now it's, it's alarming, isn't it? But that's, that's life, right, you're?
Speaker 1:all it's all relative. It's all relative to. That's what I have is to. That's why I have empathy for somebody who's at episode 200, because they might not want to Get to episode 1400.
Speaker 3:That's why got fair Right right.
Speaker 2:That's why well, I would say, this has been eye-opening for me in a good way same same.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the good little drive to five for you and I.
Speaker 1:The coin with Kevin. I it's good, yeah, yeah, well, and I want to make sure that the when Alan says he doesn't, or he struggles to have empathy and you already said it, but I just want to reiterate it it's not from a. I don't want to have empathy, it's a. I just don't Understand what that's like, because Alan's always been hyper driven and maximizing potential. We had a conversation earlier and we gave you, we gave 1% feet or feedback to each other, and he's like what do I got for you, kev, what do I got for you? And he's like well, I don't know, man, I feel like you were a little sad that you weren't able to watch UFC on Saturday and I was like no, I wasn't really, I was just teasing, I wasn't. I just I said that on the podcast because it was funny, it wasn't a big deal. The truth is, you have a full day Saturday. God forbid I miss 45 minutes of UFC at noon on a Saturday as a business owner.
Speaker 2:It was.
Speaker 1:It was a. It was a pleasant treat to be able to sit down at noon and watch a little bit of UFC before you and I recorded. But my expectations are not that I'm gonna be able to watch the nooner UFC's for the rest of my life, so I want to make sure I put that out there.
Speaker 3:Yeah, this is good.
Speaker 1:My next love a nugget. Everybody's climbing their own personal, unique mountain. Just because they're at the first base camp and your base camp is different doesn't mean they're not struggling at the level you are, that Everybody's capabilities are different. To some people, mount Everest is easy They've done it. To other people, mount Everest is impossible not impossible would be the most challenging thing they've ever done. But they have their own personal mountain where they're at the first base camp. They're saying I don't know if I can get to the top of this thing. I don't know if I can get to the top of this thing that we all have choose your mountain, choose your mountain, choose your journey. Let other people choose their mountains and choose their journeys. That's my next level.
Speaker 3:Definitely, definitely. My next level nugget is going to be where do you struggle to empathize? There's something in that that is your purpose. You know I cannot empathize with bullies, Cannot? It's. There's no excuse. That means I'm supposed to not be a bully and call people out who are being mistreated.
Speaker 2:Call the bullies out.
Speaker 3:There's that whatever you struggle to empathize with. There's a reason, and I think underneath that is a deep belief in something. It's a belief in something I believe so deeply in your potential, if you're listening, that I would have trouble empathizing with you not maximizing it. I know I would believe in you.
Speaker 2:I can promise you if you get on the phone with me.
Speaker 3:I will believe in you more than other people do. Definitely I will. I that's, I will. I might even believe in you more than you believe in yourself. Even if I'm wrong, I promise you it'll be beneficial, so I'm not selling you a coaching car right now?
Speaker 3:What I'm doing is, if you do struggle to empathize, there's probably something underneath that that's aligned with your calling. You know immediately. See someone littering she cannot stand it. See someone not recycling she cannot stand it. See someone hurt an animal she cannot stand it. It's, it's a. She couldn't stand the fact that we found these kittens on the side of the road and that woman that I talked to was like oh yeah, happens all the time. Like these are little kittens, they're all going to die because of your neglect.
Speaker 3:She there's. There's something underneath that she's she's supposed to help animals. You know there's, there's something in there and it's not a bad thing. I really don't think it's a bad thing as long as you don't. As long as you channel it properly, obviously, you can go off the rails and you know, be holier than now and say you know, this is the way the world needs to be and you know you had a channel at right, but I do think there's something in there. What a deep episode.
Speaker 1:I did not know when we started this we were going to be doing a 40 some odd episode.
Speaker 2:I did not expect that, but same.
Speaker 1:What we did, it was. This is a very you and I, figuring out our beliefs and thoughts and feelings. Live.
Speaker 3:A lot of those this week yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to bring the fire. Next level nation. I am super excited about many things and I know you. There's a lot going on behind the scenes, but we have the next level. Are we going to call it the Dreamliner?
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, the next level dreamliner.
Speaker 1:The next level dreamliner. So this is going to be we're actually going to have a physical product.
Speaker 3:Sounds like a boat. That sounds like a boat. Come on, that's on the next level dreamliner we're going to ship on Swab the poop deck.
Speaker 1:We are going to have the next level dreamliner, which is going to have a planner and it's going to have a calendar and there's going to be a thing for gratitudes. Just imagine all things NLU in a book, a planner, a thing for you to follow day in and day out. Right, I know a lot of us like to write things down and we like physical things. We're going to give you one of those.
Speaker 2:When is it coming out?
Speaker 1:I don't know In the near future. I'm super excited for it. The NLGD team. What can I do for you, sir?
Speaker 3:January 1st 2024.
Speaker 1:That's what's coming out. Yeah, oh, my goodness. Yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 2:The next level draft design team is working on it.
Speaker 1:The CEO. You know the stuff, I know the money, that's it.
Speaker 3:We're going to need some money to get some money.
Speaker 2:I'm sure we are yeah.
Speaker 1:We'll keep you informed and I'm sure I want to do some sort of giveaway. We'll do some sort of giveaway when we're getting ready to launch and we'll give some away to whatever we'll do reviews or something. But my cat scratched me today. It's itchy, but yeah, I'm super excited about that. So we will continue to inform you. No links or anything yet, because it doesn't exist, but I'm super excited about it and I hope you are as well.
Speaker 2:Also speaking of next level dreamliner I wrote an article that is in perfect reference to the term dreamliner. It's called dreamlining.
Speaker 3:I actually called it objective streamlining and then Kevin was like Alan. That name is terrible.
Speaker 2:I didn't say that. I didn't say that. Yeah, yeah, he didn't say that.
Speaker 3:He said Alan, have you ever considered dreamlining instead of objective streamlining?
Speaker 2:And I was like no, I hadn't, let's do it Fast forward, fast forward, fast forward.
Speaker 3:I wrote an article called how to streamline your dreams. The link will be in the show notes. This is blog number six. I don't know why I keep calling it an article. It's a blog, blog number six how to streamline your dreams. Check that out. And that is a little teaser for what you can expect from the next level dreamliner.
Speaker 1:The yacht cruise to Costa Rica tomorrow for episode number one thousand four hundred and fourteen how your crutches are holding you back. We used to. We did episodes about this a long time ago, where the Instagram filters and the pictures where you can paint on ads, abs and stuff like that, and there's just so many new ones coming out. I wanted to do an episode on that. Yeah, again, heart driven, but no BS. That's what that episode is going to be. I know we've been doing some very deep ones this week. That's going to be a gentle kick in the butt as well, but that is why you listen to us. So that will be tomorrow, on happy Monday, as always. We love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and an NLU. We don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.
Speaker 3:Keep on empathizing. Thanks for vemos타.
