Next Level University

#1420 - Another Reason Self-Awareness Is EVERYTHING

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Are you consciously aware of the cause and effect of every decision you make? Whether it's as monumental as Oppenheim deciding where to spend date night, every choice we make, big or small, affects our lives. In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros talk about the intricate dance of choices, with every step having a downside. They delve into the concept of being a grow-giver and how it can strike a balance between achieving our goals and maintaining our relationships. The pain of outgrowing people, the resistance we face within ourselves, and the trade-offs we make in pursuing our goals can be challenging. They discuss making ambitious decisions and how understanding our core values can shape those decisions and their implications.

Links mentioned:
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Next Level U Book Club - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-book-club/ 

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Show notes:
[4:32] Life is a series of decisions and repercussions
[7:22] The Triad of Personal Freedom
[11:40] Unfortunate byproduct of the journey
[14:39] Amanda shares how Alan made her feel valued and supported during their first consultation call and how she appreciates his holistic approach
[15:31] The shift when you choose a goal
[18:43] Relationship vs achievement
[20:16] How your core values shift
[30:42] Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level university, where we teach you how to level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode. It was episode number 1419. One thing a lot of people forget about their goals. I Also forgot Things about my goals as well.

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1:

You thought I, you thought I Jeff the episode the way you looked up there, you know that's what I was going for today. Reps number one thousand four hundred twenty. Happy Sunday. Another reason Self-awareness slash overall awareness is everything. Alan got fired up because he said you love self-awareness and I said hyper-consciousness son.

Speaker 2:

But hyper-consciousness is not just self-awareness, sir. To where it started. That's fair, it's where it started.

Speaker 1:

You want to run the episode?

Speaker 2:

No, I'm just, I'm just Very much teasing.

Speaker 1:

Alan iron. This is our whatever fifth episode, fourth episode, fifth episode today, which I feel like we're you and I've spent a lot of time together today. We're in good moods. We're gonna do this episode. It's gonna be valuable. That's the goal, okay, we?

Speaker 2:

have momentum.

Speaker 1:

We have momentum. It's momentous. Tara and I had a date night on Thursday. Last Thursday we went and saw Oppenheimer and there is a theater near us called chunkies and they have a. It's just different than a regular theater. They have old SUV seats from cars, they have like car seats on wheels. And you, there's a mobile Menu. So you, you do. The QR code pops up in your phone and you can order nachos and beer, and I got a burger and fries for my, for my cheat meal, hot fudge sundae, you can get anything. You want pizza, nice, it's awesome, yeah, and the tickets are super cheap.

Speaker 2:

It's do they? The place we go has this big thing in between us like we. They have recliners and the same deal. It's X plus At Cinnamon Deluxe. It's awesome 3D. We saw Avatar 2 there, but it has this big thing. I call it the snuggle repellent. You can't an arm.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you know, they probably don't want people getting frisky in the movie theater. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2:

Oh, well, do you, do they have it on you said bewick or whatever? No, no, these are the car you used.

Speaker 1:

I just, I think I just said SUVs. No everybody gets their own seat and it's on wheels and you can move it wherever you want. So there's a table and you eat your meal at this table and then you can like turn your seat and recline it all the way back. It's the best. Yeah, it's really interesting. It's a very, it's a very unique Movie, theater and it's cheaper than a normal? Yeah, chunkies.

Speaker 1:

So we went to the chunkies not sponsored. Not sponsored, no, we went to see Oppenheimer and for those who might not know, oppenheimer is a movie about a, a gentleman who is considered the father of the atomic bomb. So there was a lot going on back in the 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and I believe in the early 1940s there was, the world was a different place and everybody was trying to compete in terms of having the most powerful weapons on the planet and the US realized that there were other places that might have the opportunities to build atomic weapons. And this guy said I can do that. And he ended up building the atomic bomb and things happened from there. We ended up dropping two bombs.

Speaker 1:

And this movie it was heavy. It was a really good movie, but it was very, very heavy and it made you think. So Tara and I came home, we went to bed. It was a later showing. The next day I get up and I was in the shower and I had this thought when I was showering Life is just a series of decisions and repercussions. So the decision that that guy made to be an astrophysicist or whatever he was I don't even know what his actual title was that created the opportunity for him to even be involved in this, and then he ended up making the bomb. He was a big piece of that.

Speaker 1:

And then we ended up dropping the bomb and he was guilty of, he felt guilty of, all that happening. Now, obviously, most of our lives aren't gonna be that serious and that heavy in terms of responsibility, but have you ever thought of how your life simply breaks down to today? I made a decision to go do something. Now I get the repercussions of that, Both positive or negative. I hit snooze, woke up. First thing I did was check social media. Reprecussion of that is anxiety. Potentially. Now I'm more anxious because I started my day with social media Decision. Alarm goes off.

Speaker 2:

I get up.

Speaker 1:

I go to the gym. The repercussion of that is I feel better, I feel more energetic, I feel like I have momentum, I built self-trust, I feel like I'm investing in myself. We often are convinced that we have to take these massive actions to shift things and again, I don't believe that. Do massive actions help? Sure, absolutely. They're also much harder to do and accomplish consistently. When you're making decisions in your life, are you making them on a hyper short-term thought process of I'm just gonna do this because I wanna do it, or are you really thinking there's a lot of repercussions that could potentially come with this? That's my goal in this episode Hyper conscious episode.

Speaker 2:

Cause and effect. I've told clients this behind the scenes, which is, in my opinion, it would benefit you to fall in love with cause and effect. I've talked about that on the show before Everything. A lot of people fall in love with effects, not causes. So, for example, you being in great shape or in better shape is an effect, not a cause Give me a compliment and then took it away.

Speaker 1:

You sly fox. No, no, no, no, it's still a compliment.

Speaker 2:

It's still a compliment, it's just more accurate. I think you are in great shape Again. It's all relative. That's a whole nother conversation. We're not going down that rabbit hole. But you being in better shape than you were a month ago is an effect, not a cause. The cause is sleeping better, hydrating more, tracking your calories, doing more mobility, getting better workouts, taking your supplements. We talked about that. So effects are what we want, but they're not causes, and I just wrote an article about the simple framework. That is exactly what you're talking about.

Speaker 2:

I call it the triad of personal freedom and essentially what it is. In the center there's a star, there's a triangle, and in the center of this triangle there's a star that says choices, and all choices are predicated on these three things. Number one is consciousness, which is just awareness. We used to call it hyper-consciousness, we still do. Hyper-conscious meaning acutely aware. If you Google hyper-conscious, you get acutely aware, acutely aware of self, acutely aware of others, acutely aware of the world, how it works, why it works that way. That's consciousness. That's step one, step one. Step two is capabilities. So Kevin became more aware of why his body was hurting in the gym. So you were having shoulder pain and neck pain and all that. And then you went to a physical therapist who had consciousness and capabilities that you don't and you got higher awareness as to why your body was hurting, which was the reason you weren't going to the gym. Then capabilities Capabilities is where you have to take the awareness and develop actual skills. This is where it's hard. It's just uncomfortable. Developing skills might be one of the worst things ever. It's just brutal. Getting good at speaking, kevin and I we're trying really hard not to use filler words. We let you in behind the scenes because it's important for us to help you understand that we're struggle buss all the time, even if you don't know it. I'm having trouble articulating this right now, and if you think I'm articulate, I appreciate it and maybe I am compared to what I used to be, but this is nothing short of an absolute struggle. It's okay. So number one is consciousness, awareness, raising your awareness. Number two is capabilities and number three is capital, which is money, profitability.

Speaker 2:

Now, simple scenario Kevin and I were heading to Pittsburgh. We're going for a speech. Awesome, let's say hypothetically, the car breaks down. Okay, I don't think it will. It's new. I don't know if it's beautiful BMW. If it does, I'll be surprised, but let's say it does.

Speaker 2:

Kevin and I have very low consciousness. Neither one of us knows much about cars. Okay, so we don't know how cars work or why they work that way. We don't have any capabilities to fix it whatsoever, because none of us have ever really worked on cars for the most part you more than me, but you know what I'm saying. And then, third, we don't have a ton of extra capital to be investing back in the BMW. We do. But let's just say in this analogy, we don't Now imagine you are a world-class mechanic, kev.

Speaker 2:

You know how cars work and why they work that way. Awareness, consciousness. You've been working on cars your whole life. Taking them apart, put them back together like that dude you watch on YouTube. So consciousness and capabilities at level 10. 10 level consciousness, 10 level capabilities. Let's say we're rich, level 10 capital. Now, all of a sudden, we know exactly what the issue is. We order the parts, we fix it rock and roll, we're off to the races, we get there on time in Pittsburgh. Again, this is just a hypothetical. In the first scenario, we don't have the awareness or the capabilities or the capital. So we're screwed. We're absolutely screwed in that scenario. We don't have any choices. If you have level 10 consciousness, level 10 capabilities and level 10 capital, you have tons and tons and tons of choices, and those choices have repercussions to Kevin's point. Last piece of this. Now imagine our podcast breaks down instead of a car.

Speaker 1:

We have.

Speaker 2:

You and I have level 10 consciousness, level 10 capabilities in podcasting and we have capital, so we're going to fix it quicker. I'm a computer engineer. You've been doing podcasts and troubleshooting with podcasters all over the world for years and years and years, and we have enough capital to fix it, because fixing podcasts actually doesn't cost that much. Are you with me? That's choices. Now to your point. Every choice you make has repercussions, and the choice that I'm talking about, and I think you're talking about in this episode, is are you making choices now that will benefit your future, or are you making choices now that will actually trap you later because they're not expanding your consciousness, your capabilities and your capital?

Speaker 1:

I got a message from somebody this morning. It was, I think it was Friday or Saturday, but I just I got back to it today and this person said hey, I miss you. I hope you're doing well. I just want you to know I was thinking of you and thinking of our friendship and, yeah, it's just all love. I miss you and I hope we can reconnect soon. I sent this person an audio message today and I said I miss you too. I love you. There's no hard feelings, it's all love.

Speaker 1:

This is an unfortunate byproduct of the choices that we have made in terms of our ambition. This is not a surprise to me. I knew this was going to happen when I made the decision to do what I did and you made the decision to be a business owner and really shoot for the stars. This is an unfortunate byproduct of that. We made the choice to do something that requires a lot of our time and our energy and our consciousness and our focus, and there isn't a lot of time for some other things, and that's just par for the course. This is what I said to this person. I said this isn't the first time it's happened to me. I'm used to this. This is normal. This is normal. This might be one of the first times that's happened to you where you've had somebody in your growth bucket drift away a little bit, but this has been pretty normal for us at this point. But at least now you can make me in this situation, I can make the decision, an informed decision.

Speaker 1:

My awareness is that if I say I set a different goal, so we want to have the most successful podcast slash self-improvement company on the planet, that's what we want to do, and then say I also want to be the most in shape person on the planet, that is going to, I'm going to have to get rid of a lot of the things I'm doing right now and that's not even humanly possible for me to do. So I'm not going to do it. But just as that example, that choice, the repercussions are I spend less time with my family, I spend less time with Alan. I risk not accomplishing the podcast, the podcast self-improvement thing, and I risk not accomplishing the fitness thing. That's really how I've been trying to think of this lately.

Speaker 1:

And it doesn't even when I said an unfortunate. An unfortunate byproduct you and I don't spend that much time together anymore. It's an unfortunate byproduct of the journey. You're doing the same thing, I am and I also believed you're probably the most fulfilled you've ever been. So I don't know if it's actually that unfortunate. I mean, I miss you and I'm sad, but I'm happy for you. I'm happy that you're crushing it, I'm okay with that. So it might not even be an unfortunate byproduct, but knowing going into something and knowing okay, for every positive that comes out of this, there will be at least one negative Equal to or greater than, greater than or equal to, there'll be more or at least, a negative. For every negative there's a positive hidden in there. We're just going to find out what it is.

Speaker 2:

I'm trying to think of what's a good example of this. You make a choice to achieve a new goal. Immediately the moment you make that choice, everything you say, think, do, feel and believe has to shift just a little bit. I have a person I'm thinking of that I coach and she decided she doesn't want to lose weight anymore, she wants to put on muscle. Now, oh, pretty much everything we had her doing Not everything, but almost everything we had her doing has to shift a little bit, has to change. I Agree with you.

Speaker 2:

I don't think it's possible to have a positive, rich, dynamic, amazing dream goal life without Downside. I've talked to Kevin a lot about how challenging it can be to relate to people who are not into growth and not into. We did an episode recently on empathy and it's not that I can't empathize because I remember my life prior to being into personal development. I, for me, personal development saved my life in so many ways physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. But it can be difficult to coexist with people who aren't trying to grow or maybe not into personal development and that can be very, really lonely sometimes. But that's isn't that just the downside, like you can't expect everything to be positive about it. Yeah right, it's like I told Kevin outgrowing people was my least favorite part of this journey.

Speaker 2:

I have one client who is outgrowing people. She, she and I were on the phone this weekend and she was. She got this new job and and she's crushing it. She doubled her income awesome. But she's gone back to her old job and they said goodbye and they had dinner or lunch I think it was lunch and she was so sad Because she doesn't want to leave them behind. But she also knows her intuition has told her that she's outgrown that place and that she is now feeling like a Big plant in a small pot. You know, a plant can only build, can only grow so big in this small little pot. So you have to repot the plant into a bigger pot and Unfortunately, a lot of the other people do stay at that other level.

Speaker 2:

This is next level, university, the past level. When you get to the next level, sometimes you have to leave behind the person's places, things and ideas on the previous level and that's my least favorite part. Hands down, I hate it. You don't seem to have as big of a challenge with that, which is okay. I think your bigger challenge is getting to the actual next level. For me it's once we get there it's like, ah damn, you know, you know that that hurts my heart, that every relationship has had to sort of change and shift. And now we have less time, not more. Now we have to work harder, not not. You know, nothing gets really easier. Excuse me, I wouldn't say nothing. Certain things get much easier and then other things get much harder, and that's a whole nother episode. But yeah, I think for a next level nugget for everybody, it would be Are you prioritizing relationships or are you prioritizing achievement?

Speaker 2:

There's a go getter mentality and then there's a go giver mentality. I think go getters tend to be focused on achievement. I think go givers tend to be focused on relationships. And I think if you can become a grow giver, that can change everything. And and what a grow giver is? A go getter? Just achieve, achieve, achieve, get, get, get. All good. That's where I started and then I shifted from go getter to go giver and it was give, give, give until I was completely broke and then eventually I grew into a grow giver, which is I'm gonna go become more, earn more and then give more, and that feeds on itself.

Speaker 2:

But the choices you're making, about who you want to be, about what you want to do with your career, about whether or not you want children, about whether or not you want pets. You know back to this person. She is excited for this new job and way Outside her comfort zone. And when she went back into her comfort zone at her old job she knew she had to leave, but she also was sad about it. And that's the downside. There is no upside without a downside. I actually think that's wicked naive. I really do.

Speaker 1:

My next level nugget would be a, an old-fashioned pros and cons list. Anytime you make a decision, what are the potential pros, what are the potential cons? The problem is if you don't have the awareness, if you only have the awareness for one or the other. But if you, I think if you start practicing it, it's a good practice to have one of the reasons I'm not as Connected to Outgrowing people and it doesn't affect me as much as because I knew it would happen, like this was all I knew this was gonna happen. I'm certain of it. They just had to. Of course it's gonna happen. I wouldn't be friends with myself from six years ago. We don't have anything in common. I can't expect me to be friends with somebody that I was friends with six years ago if they haven't grown either. Right I so interesting.

Speaker 2:

That's just a lot.

Speaker 1:

It's just logical to me now. Do I still know people from that version of Kev? Yeah, but we're never gonna be. We're most likely never gonna be super, super, super close, and I'm okay with that.

Speaker 2:

I. But then you also say it's so interesting because you also are like a lot of the success that we're having. You're like I didn't expect this. See how all of that is totally exactly what we I had planned on. None of that.

Speaker 2:

None of that for me, it strikes me as surprising. Yeah, whereas for you you're consistently surprised. I think it's the opposite for me, where the success part doesn't surprise me. What surprises me is how hard it's been to continue building relationships along the way and and the people that we've outgrown. It's been very hard, but I also, for some reason, didn't anticipate that as much. I don't know why. I think that's interesting. It's. It's gotta be beliefs. We have different beliefs. Well, it's one of your.

Speaker 1:

One of your biggest fears. It's probably also one of your biggest blind spots. I'm very confident in my ability to create a deeply meaningful, fulfilling relationship with someone. If I, if I choose, I've always been. If I, if I choose, I've always been I'm very blessed where I haven't really had a bunch of friends who have left me. It's just been hey, I'm growing, I'm gonna go this direction. I still love you. I have love for you. It just we just can't spend as much time as we used to.

Speaker 2:

I don't know. Yeah, it seems like a certainty thing because I feel the same way about achievement.

Speaker 2:

I don't, I don't feel super concerned about our ability to achieve. It's still really hard and the level that we're talking is it depends on the level. Obviously, certain things are Gonna be way harder than I thought, but what's what's way harder than I thought on this journey is the relationships. That's been way harder than I thought, but that obviously means that I had a blind spot, you know. So it makes sense and I think for our listeners, which side of that are you on? Are you? I Do believe, everyone's. This is not necessarily the point of this episode, but I think it's important. I do believe, and I didn't learn this until recently this is a breakthrough for me.

Speaker 2:

I believe everyone's deepest pain either comes from relationships or it comes from not being able to achieve. I'm like pretty convinced of that. Usually, I know some people that are just world-class achievers. They can just achieve, achieve, achieve whatever they want within reason, but they struggle to get along with people. And and then I have other people who are really good at getting along with people, but they, they feel very lost. They don't, they don't feel like they can get that home on the ocean, you know. Hmm, and the home on the ocean thing, I'm not concerned really, that's gonna happen. I'm gonna make that happen. But I've been so hurt so many times in the growing growth journey of outgrowing people and the hurt that comes with that. It usually is messy and muddy and you know past friendships that went sour and stuff. That stuff sucks. I hate that stuff. You know the achievement stuff is awesome. That's all awesome. Yeah, big fan. The relationships are the struggle.

Speaker 1:

Well, we all have. Everybody has their own. I don't want to say kryptonite, but Everybody has their own resistance, at least if you're aware of it.

Speaker 2:

That's a start, so you're more confident in having a magnificent relationship than you are getting a home on the beach. Okay, if you're on Kevin's end, you most likely are good at relationships and maybe not as effective at Achievement. If you're on my end, and most of your pain comes from relationships, you're probably pretty good at achieving what you want, but aren't as good at Getting along or building relationships.

Speaker 2:

I would say that because I make sense right, because if you're, if you're achieving, you know, if you're an Olympic athlete and you're going for a gold medal, you're gonna have a really hard time building relationships. Yeah, because you're busy, too busy, and if you're really focused on building relationships, you're probably not achieving that much. I know that sounds hardcore, but I'm serious, that's a thing. And unless you're in sales In which case you can be very successful, because sales is about building relationships and, honestly, that's a lot of what you're doing too, so I'm not making that wrong, I think. I think it's good for all of us to kind of Figure out where we fall. In this awareness, self-awareness, we go back to the root self-awareness.

Speaker 1:

But I would yeah, I would say pros and cons list simple. Anytime you make a decision, what are the potential pros, what are the potential cons? We don't know. I don't know was the potential con of Starting a podcast? Starting a podcast, you're gonna show up. I have a zit on my face right now. That's a con. Yeah, you gotta show up on video even when you don't look good cool.

Speaker 2:

What are the pros? I noticed looks like a piece of your facial hair.

Speaker 1:

No, but it's not, but I'll, maybe I'll paint it. I'll paint some hairs on it. That's a, that's a con. There's there's so many more pros, but Maybe I core values.

Speaker 2:

Come in.

Speaker 1:

Sorry to interrupt you, but yeah, no, you value, I won't.

Speaker 2:

I might have to know if you value Having an impact and having a voice more than you Dislike having zits on your face. While recording that you see how core values Shift, whether or not it's a pro or a con.

Speaker 2:

No you know, like for you, for example, you never had a ton of friends. Or if you did it, you you Only had like, really a couple close friends when you and I first started this business, right, mm-hmm, whereas I had a ton of friends at 26. I had, I remember I was like, how am I gonna do all these weddings? You know now I've been in no weddings Uh God, brutal. But If your core value Isn't having a ton of friends, then obviously that's not gonna feel like a huge loss For you, you know. And so, yeah, I didn't mean to interrupt you, but core values come pretty powerfully into this because, yeah, make a pros and cons list, but vet it up against what you value most. It's fair, because the cons aren't gonna feel like cons and you used to say not everyone should be an entrepreneur. This is why, if you value family above everything else, do not be an entrepreneur. Yeah, that's like a really bad idea, honest, unless your family is doing it with you, in which case that's also possible. But good.

Speaker 1:

No, no, that was. That's good. I think that's a really good connection, and that was pretty much the end of my thought anyway. So pros and cons list. Pros and cons list and core values list see what, see what crosses, see what doesn't. Yeah, that's my next level. I.

Speaker 2:

Next level nation.

Speaker 1:

I thank you, thank you. Thank you so much for that. You're welcome. Who knew go into the movies productive. But hey, burger and fries I got for a movie theater. Oh my god, the fries sweep the other fries. Oh my god, nice, yeah, that was really good hey.

Speaker 2:

Yeah rotten tomatoes? Yeah, five. How many stars? What do you think? Thumbs up, thumbs down, what do we got this movie.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, oh, I believe it's got a 93 or 94 on rotten tomatoes. What do you think that Really think?

Speaker 2:

the kid should definitely. Yes, you should see it. Listeners you recommend, I think, everybody should see it.

Speaker 1:

Okay, wow, yeah, it's a great movie. It's great, it's directed, the acting is great, some really good actors and actresses in there. It's a great. It's a. It's an important, impactful story to learn about. Sure, what up based on a true story based.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, period piece is what they call that. Yes, it's a period piece. Christopher Nolan directed it. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna have to. Take a night. Take a night.

Speaker 1:

All right, nice elimination if you're listening to this and you want to go to the movies with Alan. No, I'm just kidding. We have a private Facebook group called next level nation. There are amazing people in there positive people, people tracking habits, people trying to get into the habit of tracking habits, people who are very clear on their goals, people who are also trying to get clear on their goals. If you feel like you could be impacted and positively impacted by more positive people, join next level nation. I.

Speaker 2:

Didn't have anything planned for this, so I'm going to revert to book club. Book club you can't go wrong, I'm telling you, if you want to come in, get smarter. Next level books with next level people. Jim, quick, limitless metal learning, learning how to learn more effectively. If Knowledge is power this is his quote, not mine if knowledge is power, the ability to acquire knowledge better is even more powerful, as your superpower is what he says. So, jim, quick, limitless new book, one chapter per week every week, saturday 12 30 pm Eastern Standard Time. The registration link will be in the show notes. It is a powerful place to get around growth-minded people. If you feel like you don't have enough people into growth, you don't have enough people in your life who love books, this is the place. It'll hold you accountable. It'll get you reading more tomorrow for episode number 1421.

Speaker 1:

What do you really care about the most? We touched on it a little bit with the core values and We'll go deeper into that. This is Alan's episode. Alan wanted to do this one, so we figured we give him one. One out of seven, one on seven.

Speaker 2:

One a week, one a week, that's it we're gonna give him give him a cookie, as always.

Speaker 1:

We love you, we appreciate you, we're grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we did not have fans, we have family and we'll talk to you all tomorrow. Keep it up next.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host