Next Level University

#1425 - What Song Is Playing On Repeat In Your Head?

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Share episode

In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros talk about competence and control and how it influences our self-belief. They explore the various areas where they feel in control or out of control to show that these moments play a crucial role in shaping our self-perception. They also discuss the critical role of self-talk and the importance of being balanced and humble about our strengths and weaknesses. 

Links mentioned:
To learn more about group coaching - https://nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/ (Email Alan at alan@nextleveluniverse.com)
#7 - How to Live Life on Your Own Terms: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/7-how-live-life-your-own-terms-alan-lazaros/ 


______________________ 

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com   

The best way to track your habits is here! Download the app: Optimal - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/optimal/   

_______________________

Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume

_________________

We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on LinkedIn, Instagram, or via email

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

__________________

Show notes:
[3:40] Positive self-concept
[7:51] Fixed mindset vs. growth mindset
[13:42] The control aspect
[18:28] Helen praises Alan’s Next Level Business Solutions coaching for providing safe and empowering coaching services
[20:48] Balance it out with self-talk
[25:28] Stay at five
[33:13] In control vs. out of control
[36:56] Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level university, where we teach you how to level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode, episode number 1424. Junk from your past can be strengths in your future. Today for episode number 1425, what song is playing on repeat in your head? Alan came up this episode, so I'm going to kick it to him and then we will see where's the conversation goes.

Speaker 2:

So I wrote. I will never forget this. Kevin and I were at a next level Hope Foundation event and we are playing Waffleball and what I found fascinating is just Spending time with these kids. You can kind of start to see what their self concept is, what's their identity, what do they think of themselves? What do they believe about themselves? We're reading a book called limitless and book club where it's talking about Mindset. It's talking about identity. It's talking about what you believe about yourself. Jim quick, the author of that book, got two really bad concussions when he was younger and he was called the boy with the broken brain quote-unquote and he thought he was not smart enough, not good enough, and I talked about that in any episode earlier this week. These kids have a song Playing in their head about themselves, about who they are. We all do, and what's the song playing in your head is the name of this episode, when, when I was with these two, two boys in particular At this next level Hope Foundation event for those of you who are new listeners, the next level Hope Foundation is a charity that we do To.

Speaker 2:

We have two per year. One is on Father's Day and it's really not on Father's Day, or at least it's not going to be this next year, because we realize that that weekend is really big for Barbecues and different things, and some of these kids have step fathers. The charity is for people who have single parents. Kevin and myself both were raised by single parents. He was raised by his grandmother and his mother. I was raised by my mother and my older sister, so we both had two women who raised us, and so we wanted to start a charity on a day that is traditionally very sad Father's Day. That we used to spend Father's Day together.

Speaker 2:

So that's neither here nor there, but anyways, we do two events a year. One is on Father's Day, one is during the holidays. Awesome, awesome, awesome. We rent out the YMCA and we it's just sports galore there's basketball and there's football and there's frisbee and there's wiffle ball, and it's just awesome, and there's pizza and there's arts and crafts, and it's one of my favorite days. It's quickly becoming one of my favorite days, honestly and there's me sweating All over the place diving on the floor hurting.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah, usually as well, that's there.

Speaker 2:

I took a mean digger this past one.

Speaker 2:

I don't know if you saw it big tree fall hard, but anyways. So I'm watching these two, two boys in particular, and I'll keep this anonymous, of course but one of them has a very, very positive self-concept, and what I mean by that is they think they're a winner. The song playing in their head is I'm a winner, I'm a winner, I'm a winner, I'm a winner, I'm awesome, I'm a winner, I'm awesome, I'm a winner. And you can tell, you can tell. So this kid, quite frankly, is gonna struggle a little bit with arrogance already kind of does a little bit. Okay, the other kid, I can tell, does not have that same self-concept. The other boy that was playing with football was Was the song they were playing, I believe, in their unconscious, their subconscious is I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna strike out, I'm not that good, I'm not that tall, I'm not that great, I'm not that great, whatever.

Speaker 2:

And when Kevin and I were giving a speech In Pittsburgh and we were doing breakout sessions with these kids, we broke a hundred people into two groups and we talked about paradigm, we talked about what their belief systems are, we talked about core aspirations, core values, and what I found so fascinating was how many people resonated with each one of these what I called record, the record playing, the song playing in their head. I said all of you are on one of these ends or the other. Everyone is a little farther, on one end or the other, and I use these hand signals of a record playing. On the right you have people who I'm a winner, I'm amazing, it's all gonna work out, I'm capable, I got this. I'm smart, I can do it. It's all gonna happen for me. I'm gonna be successful. I'm gonna be successful, I'm gonna be successful.

Speaker 2:

Okay, that's, that's the first one. I think the smaller If we were all really honest with ourselves, statistically speaking, I think a smaller percentage of people are in that that area. The other record playing, the other song playing is I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, it's not gonna work out, I'm not gonna make it out of here. This isn't gonna happen for me. I'm not gonna be successful, I'm gonna be a failure. I'm gonna be a failure, I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail. And when you start looking from this frame, you can see that everyone has a record playing, everyone has a song stuck in their head Of a self-concept, their identity. And these two boys, one of them is I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail. I'm not that great.

Speaker 1:

I'm gonna fail.

Speaker 2:

The other one is I'm amazing, I'm amazing, I'm amazing. And I played basketball with one of them. The one that said I'm amazing and they didn't say this out loud, but the one with the record of I'm amazing Made a lot of excuses, and that reminded me of me as a kid. I used to make excuses when I wouldn't win. Oh well, I had the wrong controller, or Well, I wasn't trying that hard, or whatever. And this is when I was a little boy. When I lost at basketball it's because the teams weren't fair or whatever. I remember being a sore loser and it's hard for me to admit that this person is a sore loser, by the way, this young boy. The problem is, a lot of people think they have to tear him down when in reality, what they need to do is try to explain.

Speaker 2:

Listen, you got to take some ownership here, it's not because I'm six foot two that you lost in basketball, even though it also kind of is. But when we were playing basketball together, he's like this isn't fair. He's like very upset. He gets very upset when he loses. Obviously it's not fair. I'm six foot two, 185 pounds. I've been playing basketball since I was his age. Obviously that's true. But what he could do instead is say, ok, maybe I can shoot from a distance instead, or whatever or whatever.

Speaker 2:

The other kid never is like. This isn't fair, because the other kid's expectation of themselves is I'm going to lose. So when they lose they're not surprised, whereas this other kid, when they lose, they have to make an excuse because it's against their belief, it's against the song that's playing in their head. The song that's playing in their head is I'm a winner, I'm supposed to win. So when I don't win, I have to find evidence to why I didn't win, whereas the other kid, when they lose, they don't need to go find evidence as to why they lost. Yeah, I'm a loser. When they win, they have to give you the credit away. They have to say it wasn't me, it was because the teams were. You see how this gets really pervasive. This can really be a make or break situation. There's a book by Carol DeWeck called Mindset. We talk about it a lot on the show. We read it in Book Club. There's a fixed mindset and there's a growth mindset.

Speaker 2:

Now practicality here, Everyone is on one end or the other, and everyone who's a long-term listener of this show knows that I'm on the winner end. Kevin's on the I'm not going to win, end. That doesn't mean that we can't drive to five, that doesn't mean that I can't be more humble and that doesn't mean Kevin can't be more confident. As a matter of fact, as we've grown and evolved and worked together, we've started to realize the pros and cons of each of these sides, and we've talked about the drive to five countless times on countless episodes. But as we grow and evolve, we start to realize this is even deeper than we thought, this is even more common than we thought, and so in the breakout sessions with these undergrads in Pittsburgh, it was which side of the drive to five are you on? Are you the one where it's saying I'm a winner, regardless of what evidence, and it's everyone else's fault when you don't win? Or are you I'm a loser, I'm going to fail, and you give away the credit every time you win? And so, for our listeners, which side are you on? Which side is your tendency?

Speaker 2:

Obviously, with a growth mindset, listening to a growth podcast, you probably are closer to center. But if you were to revert to your training and you were to revert to when you were a little kid. Were you the winner or were you the loser? And were you the failure or were you the successful person? And I'm not talking about anything external. I'm not saying anyone was a winner or anyone was a loser. I know some people who think they're losing and they're actually crushing it compared to most people. I know some people who think they are amazing and they are not at all amazing. It is alarming to see how far that delusion can go. And this is all about a mindset. This is all about your self-concept and your identity.

Speaker 1:

I remember when we used to do our live podcast episodes, we would have a session after with the team and they'd give us feedback and I usually got pretty good feedback and you usually got pretty constructive feedback. But I think it's because the team knew you wanted feedback, so sometimes they'd give you feedback. That wasn't necessarily there and I didn't get a ton of construction around my feedback. But I remember I said this to someone. I said I understand the performance went well. I understand that you think I did a good job and I appreciate that very much, but you don't know what I was thinking the whole time. I care more about the way I'm thinking than the performance, because the way I'm thinking is going to dictate the performance anyway. Really, I'm either going to think this is going to go horribly wrong and surprise myself, or I'm going to think I'm going to crush this and then I'll probably do better. Honestly, as long as I prep for it, as long as I do the things that I used to do in order to get there, I told Alan before this episode I was thinking I was making my coffee and I was thinking this episode. And I remember when I did the fire academy, talking a lot about the fire academy.

Speaker 1:

For some reason, when you get to the end, you take a written test and then you take two practical exams. One is different skills that you learn and acquire through the fire academy Tying certain knots, throwing ladders, certain stuff. And then the second practical is putting out a fire. And the rule of thumb is the second practical you can't fail, it's just procedure. They just have to see you do it. The written test you can fail, and the first practical you can fail.

Speaker 1:

I had very high belief in my ability to do the written test Because I was towards the top of the class in the written version, if I remember correctly. But I remember the day I went to take the first practical exam I was literally thinking to myself just don't fail. You're going to fail, you are going to fail these. Just do not mess this up, try to get through this. And I failed two things. You can only fail one. I failed two, so I actually had to go back and retake it. The first thing I failed was tying a knot around a certain nozzle and it was the worst feeling in the world. It was in slow motion and I knew the second I started. I was like I do not know how to do this.

Speaker 2:

I am in trouble. Isn't it timed too? You have to do it in like a minute or something.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and there was no way. There was no way I was doing it Longest minute ever.

Speaker 2:

It was longer than a minute.

Speaker 1:

We got to the point where he said we're past a minute, but you could finish if you want.

Speaker 1:

Okay, no, I don't need to finish, obviously, and then I made a dumb mistake on something else, where you're blindfolded and you have to crawl through a dark room and you have to maintain contact with the wall the whole time. I messed something simple up. Then I knew I knew better. I just I was just nervous. I was so afraid to fail. I was not in control. I didn't feel like I was in control of the outcome. Where I did a summit not the most recent one, but one before it and I had this moment when I finished where I thought to myself whoever is doing after me, like whoever is the person up after me is in trouble, Because I am going to crush this, and I crush this for sure, my early next level and I'll get in this episode for you, if you're whether you're watching or listening what is something you have high belief in?

Speaker 1:

that where the record, where the song is saying you're going to do great here. For me, it was the gym. Even when I didn't have a lot of belief in many areas in life and I didn't have a lot of confidence in many areas of life, the gym was always a place where I felt really good because I had a lot of reps, so I always felt pretty good there. If I go work out with somebody, I feel like I'm probably going to be able to hold my own. All right, I am in control here at least.

Speaker 1:

What is something where you're starting to transition from I feel out of control to control, and then what is somewhere where you just feel like you're completely out of control. I think that control aspect is a really good way to look at it, because you're coming to terms with the fact that, a I am in control of this situation and I can influence it, or B no matter what I do, it's not going to go my way anyway. That's really what it is. If I show up and I have my glove and my bat, I'm going to win, or I really hope the pitcher isn't great and nobody hits a ball my way, because if they do, stuff's going to go wrong. Those are two same exact game Could be the same exact position. Nothing from the external would suggest this, but if you have that thought process going on, that's going to dictate everything.

Speaker 2:

There's an empowering solution to either end, and when we were doing the breakout sessions with these 19, 20 and 21 year olds, I kept going back to the drawing board, to the front of the room, and saying whoa, okay, I just realized that, yes, everyone is on one end or the other in terms of what song is playing, but there's opportunities for you to be on the other end in certain circumstances. So to Kevin's point you mentioned earlier to me Kev Gohkarts. You said I'm a good driver and I'm good at Gohkarts, for whatever reason and I went to play Gohkarts once or do Gohkarts, rather, with friends and I knew I'd win. It's because you know that, you're aware that you're competent in driving, and you're aware that you're competent in driving and you're aware that you're more competent than others in driving. So in the micro chasm for lack of better phrasing of Gohkarts, kevin actually does have high self-belief. But in the fire academy, you went right back to your training of I'm going to lose, I'm going to fail, I'm going to strike out. This isn't going to work Right.

Speaker 2:

And so I want everyone to identify two things. Number one which end do you tend to be on? No, win is 100%. 0%. I'm not 100% confident? No way. I mean house projects. I'm telling you I go docile, I don't know no idea. Dude, the AC issue we had. I had no idea what I was doing. That's okay. I just don't. I didn't do heating and cooling very much. I've never really done a ton of house projects. I don't really know much. It's okay. I don't really care, quite frankly.

Speaker 2:

But I know a lot of people internalize that stuff, and that's a whole nother conversation about identity. When I'm not good at stuff, I don't let it bother me, like if I wanted to get good at it I just would. That's a whole nother conversation too, and we'll go to that in a second. But a lot of people allow failures to become a part of who they are. If failures were, let's say that we speech, we bombed the speech, let's say we bombed the speech we didn't. But let's say we didn't Pittsburgh. I'm not going to let it affect my identity. It doesn't mean I'm a bad speaker, it means we gave a bad speech, and most likely there's things we weren't aware of. Oh the. So that doesn't mean I'm a strong speaker either, though. So you got to be careful with this. But here's my point.

Speaker 2:

Two things. One, which end do you tend to be on? Do you tend to be on oh my God, I'm going to fail? Or oh yeah, this is going to be awesome, I'm going to win, I'm going to crush this? Which end do you tend to be on? And then part two is where's the time? You're on the opposite end. That's self-awareness, right there. I'm on the opposite end with cars.

Speaker 2:

I am useless to an alarming extent. It's like I don't know how to do this. I call AAA or I call whoever, and the truth of the matter is, is competences underneath that? A lack of competence, a lack of control? If you think you're an extraordinary basketball player, I'll tell the story briefly.

Speaker 2:

I played a lot of pickup basketball growing up. I always felt like in Uxbridge, the little town that Kevin and I grew up in. I always felt like I could win the game if I really wanted to, because I didn't really have to try that hard and I could still just, even if we were down a few points, it didn't really concern me. We're still going to win. I won most of the pickup basketball games Not all of them, but most of them. I felt very in control there, but I remember I played in Venice, venice Beach, california.

Speaker 2:

I lived in LA for a short time in my early 20s and it was no, it doesn't matter what I do. I was playing with this one guy. I tell this story. He was D1 Yukon and he dunked on me in sandals. He dunked on me in a big fish dunk. There's nothing I can do. I'm trying to. You think you're good when you're playing in a small town big fish, small pond and then you're not very good when you're playing against D1 Yukon players. So it's all relative.

Speaker 2:

But what I'm asking for the listeners is where are you at in this? Because if the song is playing, you're not good enough. You're going to fail. You have to have a very different training program than I do, and I use this example. In our speech I said a lot of people think I have negative self-talk. What they don't understand is that I'm actually balancing out my song that's playing. So for me, I'm very optimistic. I'm a very optimistic person and I think things are going to work out. I think we've got this, for Kevin and I work really well as a team because I'm like we got this, we're going to do this, we got this, we got this. Kevin's like we're going to fail. We're going to suck, this is going to be bad, so we balance each other out. He has what I call productive paranoia. What?

Speaker 2:

I don't want to say I call it that. There's a book by Jim Collins called Good to Great, and productive paranoia is one of the powerful frameworks that they talk about in an empowered leader. Despite all of the character traits about an empowered leader in that book I feel like I resonate very strongly with, except for that one. I think I need more productive paranoia because if I'm always presupposing things are going to go well, I'm not going to be as diligent about being proactive, crossing my T's and dotting my I's ahead of time. So Kevin is very productively paranoid, but we've talked about this many times. If he's overly paranoid, he won't go. If I'm overly optimistic, we'll bomb. So we all need to balance ourselves out with our own self talk. If you're on the record end of it's going to work out, I'm going to win. It's all going to be great.

Speaker 2:

You need humble pie and you need to be paranoid. You need to get an extra posing coach. You need to get an extra wealth coach. You need to get a therapist. You need to be on time. You need to really eat humble pie, say you know what. It's not just going to work out, because it's not. By the way, don't learn that after the fact. It's not just going to work out. If you're on Kevin's end and you're like I'm going to fail no matter what, and again that's not what you're doing but if you're on that end of the song, playing is you're going to fail, you're going to fail, you're going to fail. Be careful. You might not try a lot of stuff. You might not, and that's why that quote comes in of if you knew you couldn't fail, what would you try? That never resonated with me.

Speaker 2:

It's never once resonated with me. It's like I would be doing exactly what I'm doing right now. I don't do anything, presupposing I'm going to fail.

Speaker 1:

A weird life.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, right, yeah, I mean, I do it presupposing I'll fail forward and eventually succeed.

Speaker 1:

You said that. I don't remember the exact phrasing of it, but it was you can't attach it to your self-worth. The result what if you do well?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's a great point.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 2:

I feel like at some point, don't you?

Speaker 1:

If you're transitioning from somebody who is not believing in themselves and it goes wrong, you can't just you can't say I'm the worst ever and I could never be successful. But in that, that's what's happening to me now, where I do feel like I'm really strong speaker. I know there's a ton of room for improvement and I know I'm not the best, and this is fun.

Speaker 2:

Obviously, you really. You literally just said I do feel like I'm really strong speaker.

Speaker 1:

I'm a really strong speaker. That is fun for me. There you go. That's great. There's room for improvement, yeah always always. But what was your question? I have to give myself, I wonder if you have to let. You have to let some of the results seep into, offset the self worth.

Speaker 2:

This is the biggest challenge that I'm currently facing in life, right now. What percentage of the credit do I actually give to myself? I was talking about this on Book Club yesterday. I told this story about how Kevin and I, early on, got offered Even that. No, I got offered a million dollars. You know see, it's like Kevin and I know it was me, but I don't care.

Speaker 1:

I would have taken it son. Yeah, yeah, yeah exactly.

Speaker 2:

So that's how I know it was me, because Kevin would have taken it in a heartbeat. I don't want investors. So if you know that's, I don't want investors. I don't want anyone's hands in our cookie jar.

Speaker 2:

The reason I didn't take the million isn't just the deserved factor, but I do think that played a part. I'm big on earning things. I don't. I don't want to just be given a million dollars, I want to earn a million dollars, but I also know that I struggle with what's referred to as a deserved factor. But I also think other people are held back by their deserved factor, because I think all of us are inaccurate.

Speaker 2:

Here's my point you either think more of your life outcomes were a result of you, or then that then really were, or you think less than what really was. So Kevin and I give a speech. Okay, if you're on one end, you probably think it was because of your prep and because you're amazing and because you put in the reps and you earned it and you're a great speaker, whereas someone else would say, well, it's because we had great people in the audience who are resonating, it's because of my speaking coach and it's because I read a lot of books that are amazing. That taught me how to speak well. Both are true, both are semi-true. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2:

Was I a naturally inclined orator or speaker? I would say to some extent that's true, but I also didn't write all the books that I read on how to communicate effectively. I've read books on books, on books and how to communicate more effectively. So is it all me? No, I'm standing on the shoulders of giants. I am. I'm standing on the shoulders of the work of all the people that have done this prior to me. I've watched hundreds of TED Talks and I've read dozens of books on how to become better at this, but I'm also the one reading the book, and so I think that everyone hopefully the only way I've ever been able to articulate this is stay at five.

Speaker 2:

If you're really down and out, you've got to build yourself up. You have to. No one else is going to do that for you. You've got to get some self-esteem back. You've got to start small and say look at what I'm doing, look at what I'm earning. If you've got a big head and you think you're effing awesome and that you're going to crush forever, you're in so much trouble and Humble Pie is coming. Give yourself the Humble Pie in advance. I've been working really hard on that over the last few years.

Speaker 1:

I would say that the level of feedback that you can give yourself is directly connected to the level of competence you have in something. You never get a project from a four-year-old that's popsicle sticks, glue, cotton balls and say this is the ripest piece of shit I've ever even laid my eyes on. I can't believe you presented this and this was an A plus. This is brutal. You didn't even spell the words right. You never do that right Because the competence of that individual is not super high. Because they're four. They're four. I don't even know if you do that when you're four. I don't know. I don't remember my childhood projects, but if you're somebody who has studied, Can you imagine a comedy skit like that?

Speaker 1:

Of course I can. That's where I've already created my mind. I picture that on like Saturday Night Live or something you know, you have to be harder on yourself in many ways because you have a higher competence in whatever it may be. I really I believe that's something that would be a next level nugget. I would say that's a good next level nugget If you're Okay, If you leave the next level Hope Foundation event saying I am, I am something special when it comes to basketball.

Speaker 1:

And you were just playing with three 11 year olds, that ain't it, that ain't it. But if you're playing against somebody who is as good as you and you hold your own, okay, that's something. If you're playing against professionals and you get a butt kicked, okay, that's where you can kind of say, oh, I need to get way better. Whatever it is, the competence there has to be something said to the level of competence, the level of practice, the level of exposure to something, the reason, okay. This is why it can be hard for Alan and I to speak in front of audiences, because I know the record playing, I know the song playing in Alan's mind.

Speaker 1:

So I said at that speech, in front of all the kids, everybody. I said well, I told Alan recently he was fat, not a shape, and Alan chimed in and he said no, no, no. What Kev is saying is he knows that I'm not up to my standard. We're good. He didn't mean anything negative by it, but in my mind the song that you're playing is I need to get better, I need to get better, I need to get better. And anytime I lose you, I see you lose sight of that. I try to help you correct it 100%.

Speaker 2:

And nobody else knows you're because you actually care about what I care about.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but I care about you.

Speaker 2:

I know you want to succeed. I know you know I want to succeed and it's not going to help me. This is why affirmations can be dangerous. Some people don't need more affirmation, they need a level set. They need you to be like listen, that ain't it. You're not going to win. This is one of the hard parts of coaching. When you hire me as a coach, you're paying me for the truth. You're paying me for an accurate perspective of self. And if you want to be Tony Robbins level speaker and you're saying um and like and you know between every you're in trouble. You're never going to get there.

Speaker 2:

I had one, I told tell us one client who's a multimillionaire, very successful. She's like I don't really want to work, I don't want to work that hard. I said, well, you're never going to be Brené Brown level because she told me she wanted to be Brené Brown level impact and that's that's what I'm shooting for. It's like, if that's what you hired me for, if that's your dream, I'm going to tell you what it's going to take. You're never. No way, you don't want to work. She she grinded her face off for 15 years. You're never going to just be Brené Brown.

Speaker 1:

Well, that's another record, though the, the. I think songs can switch too. They can.

Speaker 2:

Songs can switch depending on the seasons, but but the song needs to be optimized to the goal. Yeah, and that's why people think I have negative self-talk. What I really have is a farming, unconscious self-talk that needs to be level set with my massive goals to stay at five. And so Kevin saying I'm fat, he doesn't think I'm fat compared to like do you know? I just want to make sure this lands. It's not like he actually thinks I'm fat. No right. He thinks that I'm out of shape compared to what he knows would benefit me to eat the humble pie to get to where I want to go. He knows that I'm off track.

Speaker 1:

He knows I'm off track and he knows that saying that will get me on track compared to your truth, yes, yeah, exactly, everybody's truth is a little bit different, a little bit off, yeah, and then, and then there's just there's a layer under that of the real truth. But your truth is different because you're you want your long-term truth to be different.

Speaker 1:

So you got to go deeper on that the truth that you have right now is different than somebody else's truth, and that they have right now because you want your truth in 20 years to be in the best shape ever.

Speaker 2:

I mean, I want my reality to be different 20 years from now. Therefore, the truth that I right there, this is a fact. It's a great opening. Scientifically speaking, the the no-transcript challenging the uncomfortable truths you will have to face in the now is predicated on how big you want your reality to be in the future.

Speaker 2:

I'm going to say that one more time, and this will be my next level nugget, and then I'll shut up. If you want to be an Olympic athlete in your future and that you want that to be your reality, you have to face more uncomfortable truths now. That is, you will only achieve the extent of the uncomfortable truth you can handle in the moment. But that's the training ground of dumbbells that are 5's, then 10's, then 15's, then 20's. I mean when I was 8, if Kevin was like, hey, you're fat, that would be just mean Definitely.

Speaker 1:

Right, and then I ripped up your presentation as well.

Speaker 2:

Also that would be bullying, that would be bad. But if I'm 26 and I'm doing a fitness show and Kevin knows I'm going to lose if I don't get my S together because I'm eating pizza on the regular, he's going to say Alan, you're not going to win, you're in trouble because he's trying to help me actually win. But that's also presupposing I really do want to win and I'm not just saying it. And that's one of the things that's so challenging about coaching and so challenging about podcasting and so challenging about the self improvement space is because everyone has a different level of uncomfortable truth that they have to face in order to get to their unique goals and dreams. And that's why I like one on one coaching so much, because I can completely customize the truth or the discomfort of the conversation to the level of the individual, based on what they're shooting for and where they are now.

Speaker 1:

We went deep. It was a good one. It was a good one. I already said my next love of Nugget. I would say where and what arena is there a positive, affirming song playing? In? What arena is there one that's transitioning from maybe a negative song to a positive one and where is their arena? Or what is the arena where it's negative? And I do think control is a really good way to look at it. What do you feel like you actually have control in? Where do you feel completely out of control? If you feel completely out of control when it comes to making more money, I'm willing to bet that you have a very scarce mindset around money. Same with health, same with relationships. If you do not feel in control of attracting and sustaining a partner, I'm willing to bet the song is probably very negative.

Speaker 2:

Understandably. So Wherever you feel most out of control is your insecurity Fair Fair. I feel very in control of my ability to give a great speech. I feel very out of control of my ability to get the audience to actually like me. Kev was the opposite in the beginning and now we're both driving to five. But for you, wherever you're the most insecure is most likely where you feel the most out of control, and the solution to that would be trying to become a little bit better in that area.

Speaker 1:

Speaking of getting a little bit better, becoming a little bit better in that area life, love, health and wealth. Our 12th group, our 12th round it's hard to say 12th group of group coaching, but it is the 12th group is starting on October 3rd 2023 at 6pm Eastern time. I'm not going to say standard either, because you're not saying Eastern standard time anymore. If you are looking for more clarity which is an episode we're going to talk about later this week or a topic we're going to talk about later this week If you're struggling in your relationship, if you want help with finances, group coaching is a great way to get all of that done.

Speaker 1:

It's far cheaper than working with us one on one. You get nine peak performance partners built in and there's a lot of extra necessity and accountability. It is cheaper than you think. We have a discount code for you if you're interested. So just shoot Alan an email Alan at nextleveluniversecom and just say, hey, I want the discount code for the 12th round of group coaching. He will send it over and you'll be off to the races.

Speaker 2:

I wrote a blog recently that addresses one of the problems that I've come to realize many of our listeners, many of my clients, many of the community members struggle with. A lot of us don't really like being told what to do. We don't like feeling trapped, we don't like feeling like we don't have choices. So I wrote an article that was built on this very simple framework called the Triad of Personal Freedom, and it's three main things. The first one is consciousness. You know that this podcast, if you're a long-term listener, started as the hyper-conscious podcast, which is awareness awareness of self, awareness of others, awareness of how the world works, why it works that way.

Speaker 2:

The second one is capabilities. This is skill development this is getting better at what you do. And the third is capital, which is wealth, money. This is health, wealth and love. So I wrote a blog about how, if you increase your consciousness, you increase your capital and you increase your capabilities in a given arena, you're going to have a lot of choices. So if you feel trapped, there is a solution. If you feel trapped, click the link in the show notes. I can promise you that you will have a deeper understanding of how to get personal freedom in your life if you read this article. I worked very, very hard on it.

Speaker 1:

Tomorrow for episode number 1426,. This episode came from Alan stealing my brownies. Discipline is much harder without this. He stole my brownies. Do you believe it? No, I told you. I told you I wouldn't paint you with that. I wouldn't paint you on that light.

Speaker 2:

That's what we're going to be talking about tomorrow.

Speaker 1:

It was only three, I got too many. Anyway, we'll talk about it. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, we are grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2:

Keep exploring yourself. Next level nation.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Alan Lazaros

Host
Head Shot

Kevin Palmieri

Host