Next Level University
Confidence, mindset, relationships, limiting beliefs, family, goals, consistency, self-worth, and success are at the core of hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros' heart-driven, no-nonsense approach to holistic self-improvement. This transformative, 7 day per week podcast is focused on helping dream chasers who have been struggling to achieve their goals and are seeking community, consistency and answers. If you've ever asked yourself "How do I get to the next level in my life", we're here for you!
Our goal at NLU is to help you uncover the habits to build unshakable confidence, cultivate a powerful mindset, nurture meaningful relationships, overcome limiting beliefs, create an amazing family life, set and achieve transformative goals, embrace consistency, recognize your self-worth, and ultimately create the fulfillment and success you desire. Let's level up your health, wealth and love!
Next Level University
#1432 - Are You The Best Partner You’ve Ever Been?
What if you asked yourself the daunting question, "Would you date yourself?" or
"Would you want your children to date someone like you?" Today hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros talk about standards in relationships and the significance of self-awareness. They delve into the concept of self-belief and self-efficacy and their essential role in how we perceive ourselves and shape our relationships. They discuss how recognizing our narratives transforms us into better partners, and how being in the company of people who treat their partners with respect inspires us and sets a benchmark for us.
Links mentioned:
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - https://bit.ly/3xffver
#8 - How to Become a Sales Star - https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-become-sales-star-alan-lazaros
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Website 💻 http://www.nextleveluniverse.com
The best way to track your habits is here! Download the app: Optimal - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/optimal/
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Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
- Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
- Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - https://bit.ly/3xffver
- Next Level U Book Club - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-book-club/
- Next Level Monthly Meetup: https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/
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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on LinkedIn, Instagram, or via email
Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/
Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com
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Show notes:
[2:05] Predicting if a relationship will succeed
[9:33] Would you want your child to date someone like you? Would you date you?
[13:09] Level of self-belief and the security in the relationship
[18:50] Rebecca praises Alan's coaching and the effectiveness of the Peak Performance Tracker in keeping her consistent and moving toward her goals
[20:16] Your capability to attract or sustain a relationship
[27:04] Outgrowing people or past relationships
[36:18] Outro
I love what's happening. Man, this is an audio test. This right here is an audio test, pretty good.
Speaker 2:Let me turn this camera on man, Pretty good.
Speaker 1:How sweet is that.
Speaker 2:Ooh, I'm gonna plug the five. C's what it really takes to get to the next level, because the other course is not done yet.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's facts. That's a fact.
Speaker 2:So that's what I'm gonna plug son.
Speaker 1:Hello, hello, hello, I'm gonna plug. Oh God, the blog, ski the blog eh. The blog ski.
Speaker 2:Word on the street is that's the next big thing in the world. The blog, definitely the best I've actually heard is that someone Alan, I think Alan, that guy's name is Alan he told me it was the best thing ever. It is the best thing of all time, he said actually.
Speaker 1:It is extraordinary, definitely is extraordinary.
Speaker 2:Well then, definitely, maybe, definitely, maybe, definitely, maybe, but having a lot of quesadillas. Yeah, ground turkey quesadilla little cheese.
Speaker 1:Have I ever plugged the one with the how to become a sales star? Maybe once. Maybe once I'm gonna plug that. I'm gonna plug that. I love that Kevin has become a sales star. What he will not tell you is that that's because of the kid. Read my blog, Joking.
Speaker 2:Oh dairy. Oh dairy.
Speaker 1:No, I'm kidding. No, it's definitely not all me, but I would say a fraction of it for sure.
Speaker 2:One percent, I would say is good, perfect About one percent of it, that's one half of one quarter of one percent, one eighth of a percentage. Are you ready to do this episode Sure?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I actually am. That's reassuring, hello.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's do it. All right, man, let's do it, I ain't scared. Next level nation. We're back to another episode of next level university where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your will. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode. It was episode number 1431, one of the best gratitude perspective shifts which actually led us to create on the fly today's episode, Episode number 1432, are you the best partner you've ever been?
Speaker 2:Ellen and I were driving in Pittsburgh and I said hey, I got to ask you a weird question and I said really hear me out, because I know what you're going to think when I first say it, but really hear me out. I said would you date? Insert mutual friends name here, and this is a man we're friends with. I said would you date blank? And I said just let me explain for a second. I said I know we've talked many times about how I'm always trying to guess whether or not, predict whether or not relationships are going to succeed. I think this is one of the ways I do it. I try to put myself in the position of somebody's partner and I say would I ever date that person Male, female, whatever that person identifies as Because I am trying to think of the standards that I have and how I would like to be treated and I wonder if the person is treating their partner right. So that's what I said to Alan. I said would you date this person? I know you're attracted to women, and this is a male, Take that off. Based on their character, based on the way they treat their partner, based on the level of trust that you have in them, based on their history, Based on their humility, their vulnerability, all the things, would you date this person? And Alan said that's a really interesting way to look at it.
Speaker 2:Going back to one of the previous episodes, I am thinking of things from a weird perspective Oftentimes, because I think there are ways that you can really really change your perspective on something and almost take yourself out of Thank you for watching. In a way, take yourself out of your own thoughts. I know that's very convoluted and all over the place, but the reason I say that is you might have somebody who's a really good friend of yours, but it doesn't mean you would want to ever date that person. I Would date you not physically, but if you were my partner, I could see how you would be a good partner to me. That's what I'm talking about in this episode. It's very hard. It's very hard to explain. I've never explained it to anybody other than Alan and when I explained it.
Speaker 2:I think it was just much easier to do it on the fly. So that that really is my, my thought process Around why this episode came to be part one Kevin just ask Alan out. Yes, no, I'll just write it on a card and send it over. I just think that's a very Creative way to look at it. Well, I remember oh no, no, you're good, please save me.
Speaker 1:I Came up with a new phrase recently of I'm not going to save you, I'm going to serve you.
Speaker 2:Well, save me, serve me, whatever it is, make the pain stop.
Speaker 1:The uncomfortable, very, very hard to explain something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you've never explained just in real time, but I think the as long as you're, whether you're watching or listening, you understand the, the point. That's my, that's my goal here.
Speaker 1:I feel that way often, so I empathize a lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you just went through.
Speaker 1:I repeat because I have some many, some many. I have so many weird thoughts that, trying to explain that you merely earlier you know she's like, are you good? I'm like, yeah, it's just Monday because I'm trying to get this and I just pointed to my brain out In a way that actually lands so that's anything here nor there. Kept remember when you said imagine you have a daughter. Would you ever want your daughter to date that man? That was another Frame to look through of. Oh, definitely not, or well, this was there.
Speaker 2:This was the real frame. Would you want your child to date someone like you? That was another frame.
Speaker 1:Yes, would you?
Speaker 2:want, if, if your, if your child came home one day and again, I know these are all weird thoughts, but and the person was a spitting image of the way you treat your partner Would you be excited for that relationship, would you co-sign that relationship or would you say, oh shit. I feel, bad for my child.
Speaker 1:That is a good way to take yourself out of yourself to then analyze yourself Deep you, me and I were talking recently.
Speaker 1:Deep, you, me and I were talking recently and somehow we were talking high level about how I think in my past I've been hoodwinked a bit by persons, places, people, people, friends, family, xyz. I do think that people are trying to be truthful, but I do think that they can only be truthful to the extent that they understand their own truth, kind of like you can only meet your partner as much as you've met yourself. That sort of quote that's gone around instagram and I realize that that's more powerful than I thought. Kev, if I'm, if I'm unpacking my stuff In myself and contemplating myself constantly and I find out that the real truth of the matter is xyz, then I can share that with you. I think that a lot of people Are unintentionally deceitful, not because they're trying to be deceitful, but because they don't actually know the true motives underneath their actions. So that's neither here nor there. You, me and I were talking about that and I've definitely been manipulated, slash, hoodwinked at times by people in my life, and one of the reasons why is because I have these rose colored glasses that I want to see everyone as amazing Underneath all of that. She was saying the reason why you've not been hoodwinked by certain people because her and I, since we got together, we've been able to see Each other outside of the frame. So, for example, I've helped her realize that she's being manipulated by certain people by letting her know oh, that's that person's lying about that, that person's not. That's not true. And she's done the same for me and we were analyzing that this weekend and we figured out why we are able to see it when we're not the person that quote is. It's hard to see the whole picture when you're in the frame, when I'm seeing her Be hoodwinked or manipulated quote unquote I. It's obvious to me, but I'm also not the one being hoodwinked, and it's obvious to her when I'm getting hoodwinked and I do want to make this clear that this isn't the point of the episode, but the question that you brought up in this episode. It's a way for you to get out of yourself for a second to objectively look at yourself, and that's what I really want to land here is how objective are you At looking at the reality of the way it works, at looking at the reality of the way in which you treat your partner, the way in which you operate in the world, the way in which you're honest with yourself and with others, the way in which you're virtuous or not.
Speaker 1:There's a reason why next level university can be a hard podcast to listen to. Number one it's very esoteric. There's a lot of really powerful ideas, but it's difficult to explain them and it's not always the most fun show in the world. I understand that. I do think Kevin's funny. I think we laugh, we have a good time, but at the end of the day, we're here to get better.
Speaker 1:It's a big mirror, and what I mean by a mirror is we've all been in that situation where we've not been in shape and we look in the mirror, or we look at that picture on instagram, or we have a friend who tagged us in a photo that was unflattering on facebook and we just go oh no, no, that's not no, that can't be what I look like. That's what we're doing here. We're trying to use these questions To look in the mirror to see the accurate truth of the way in which you really are. And there's two questions on the table here. Number one Would you date that person? Number two if you had a son or a daughter, would you want your son or daughter to date someone like you? Those are the two questions on the table, and all of this came from the frame of Are you the best partner you can be?
Speaker 2:And another question is would you date yourself? That's another question. Would you date someone like you? I love that question. I really do. It's a challenging question, but if you can sit with that humbly and say, no, not lately, that's I mean. Yeah, that's a bad feeling and it probably sucks in the moment, but if you do really want what's best for your partner, it would be beneficial to have that question.
Speaker 2:We were talking when we were prepping for this episode, and I don't really hear a lot of content like this, where if you're listening to a self-improvement podcast, you're probably improving. So one. Maybe you are a better partner or the best version of the person that you are to your partner and you don't know it yet. That's a possibility. Another possibility is you're the best partner you've ever been, but you have low self-worth and your partner doesn't understand it. Maybe you're not getting treated the best you've ever been treated.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of intricacies to this. Maybe your partner is not the best partner they've ever been. There's a million ways we can go with this, but at the end of the day, the main thing that you can control is how are you growing and then what are you doing to bring that back into your relationship. We were talking behind the scenes and this has always been a focus. I won't say it's always been the sole focus, but this has always been what I would say a higher focus for me than your average person. I've always been thinking about how do I treat my partner, whoever it is the best of my ability. Here's the thing I didn't always have the same abilities I have today.
Speaker 1:Can we talk about that a little? The first part is wanting to be the best partner you could be. That's intention. That's great. Yes, yes, and I always use the analogy of you can want to climb Mount Everest, but if you really want to do it, you have to go train, you have to get the best coaches, you have to condition your mind and your body and your heart and your soul and you have to condition your lungs. There's a lot of work you have to do, because I do believe that on some level, there are people from our past that really did want to support us. I think they weren't capable of it.
Speaker 1:This has been a new frame that I'm uncomfortable sharing, but one of the reasons why I have. I was doing a relationship talks, coaching call with a couple and one of the partners in the relationship asked me how do you have so much certainty in your relationship, how do you have so much security, how do you know that you're what's best for Emilia and that she'll never leave you? And I tried to share this in a way that didn't come off wrong, but I essentially said I know Emilia, I know her level of self belief and her level of aspiration and her goals and her dreams and I know what it requires of me to be a great partner. And I know that most men and Emilia likes men, she likes the opposite sex. So I know that other men would have a really hard time being with her and not being wildly insecure. So essentially what I said is that my level of self belief what clinical psychologists call self efficacy is high enough to be with her. But it wouldn't have been in the past.
Speaker 1:I often joke and a lot of people think I'm self deprecating when I'm saying this. I'm not. She's 28 years old when I was 28, there's no way I'm serious. There's no way I didn't have. I wasn't developed enough as a man to be with a woman like her at that stage.
Speaker 1:There's a reason I'm 34 and she's 28. Because she's way more mature at 28 than I was. Me at 34 can totally be with her and I feel very confident in that. So that one of the things that gives me security and I hope I don't too too much of a tangent here, but one of the things to answer that question that that person asked me it gives me security to know, in a way, how hard it's been to be with someone who's so confident, who's so attractive, who's so next level. I know that it would be really difficult for other men to be with her, so I'm not concerned ever about that, if that makes sense. And so to ask you the question, kev, what was it like when you used to not feel capable enough, even though you wanted to be a better partner?
Speaker 2:You didn't know how, because I think a lot of people are there, quite frankly, yeah, the reasons I wasn't capable of being a better partner is because I was Incapable of getting over my own insecurity. So very much what you said. I just didn't feel. I didn't feel like I had the confidence of the certainty or Whatever it was. But most of that was internal. I don't know if any of my partners would have ever known that I Probably, if anything, I probably made up for that in many of my gestures Planning dinners and buying stuff and trying to be really thoughtful Because I had a moment on a podcast recently where we were talking about relationships and I said at the end of the day I don't, I do not believe there's a man walking the planet whose could possibly be better about, better for Tara than I.
Speaker 2:I don't yeah that I'll go toe-to-toe with anybody on that.
Speaker 1:I Don't believe that I was trying to articulate and I said where did you get that this?
Speaker 2:yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's the question that I would like you to try to answer. If your game, how did you, how did you earn that? I?
Speaker 2:worked on myself for the sake of working on myself. I worked on myself for me for many, many, many, many years and Having a successful relationship is a very, very positive byproduct of that that. I just worked so hard on myself so I could be confident. If I can be confident myself, I can be confident any relationship I'm in. If I can be secure in myself, I can be secure in any relationship I'm in if I believe in myself. I can believe in any relationship I'm in as long as I know that that partner and I can work on things together. But that was it.
Speaker 1:I've never asked you this publicly or privately. I don't think. Perfect, do you Story time quickly, kevin and I, way back in the day, before the hyper conscious podcast, before conversations change lives, we're in New Hampshire, we're in his Subaru, we're working out together. I had in a Chipotle, we just got to work on it. He was dating Taren at the time and then he talked to me back when he considered me a wise mentor and he still does. I'm just being playful, but he was talking to me about whether or not I think he fucked that up Pardon my French, for any kids live listening and I said, yeah, it sounds like you did. Quite frankly, I think that you got scared that she was too developed for you and so you left her Because you couldn't handle being with someone of her caliber and of her standards, and I think that, fast forward I don't know if it was a year or two, but you grew into the man that could be with a woman like her.
Speaker 1:I was talking to someone about this recently. I said you got to understand that, kevin and I. I appreciate how great you think we are and we are whatever. I appreciate that we are great, but what you don't understand is that we have women in our corner that have such ridiculously high standards that we can't be less. They, they won't tolerate Anything less. So we have more necessity than most men do.
Speaker 1:I've never raised my voice to Emilia, but I also know that if I ever did, she would never tolerate that. And I don't mean it's not like she couldn't forgive me or blah, blah, blah, but if, but, if I was constantly disrespectful, she would never be with me, and I know that that helps me be a better man. It's like more necessity, you know, and I think I remember when you were with Taryn Not the first time, but the second time I was single and I remember that you had to hold a higher standard For how you are, are as a man. That I did back then because I didn't have anyone holding me accountable Like Emilia does now. Yeah, can you go into that stuff?
Speaker 2:Yeah, sometimes you need, you need necessity to level set your character. I don't I again, I don't ever think I was. I had a bad character, but I had certain immaturities for sure. I would say ignorant, more ignorant things. I would make more ignorant jokes. I would watch more ignorant shows. I would just more. I was less developed. I would just less mature. I was less I don't want to say less deserving, but in a way, yeah, if you think about what was I capable of? Attracting and setting up a better character. I was capable of attracting and sustaining. So there's two ends, really there's two ends of of how that can happen. When I first started dating Taryn, I was bodybuilder, broke, have jacked, I was in really, really, really good shape, but I also was somewhat of a deep thinker, believe it or not, more so than, again, I would say, your average person. I attracted her but I couldn't sustain it and I knew that, why she was.
Speaker 1:I agree.
Speaker 2:I just want to know she was way more mature than I was. She was way more of an adult. She wanted, she was capable of having deep conversations more than I was. Yeah, I wasn't developed enough.
Speaker 1:My. Do you think that you sabotaged it? Because you knew that and you rather?
Speaker 2:okay, yeah, yeah, I think I bailed because I knew it wasn't. I didn't feel like I could handle it. It was different than anybody I'd ever been with before. So that's being able to. I almost lost my train of thought. That's why I took such a long pause. That's able to attract but not sustain. Yeah, I want to be able to sustain.
Speaker 1:Well, the shiny stuff is is what attracts? Being in shape? Yeah, six figure income, but it can't sustain. This is the thing, man. What attracts someone? There's a big difference between picture someone selling a course, that the course is terrible but they have great marketing it you. You can't sustain the client because the client gets behind the scenes, sees that you're not really what they thought and then they leave. It's a lot of it is like that. We don't talk about dating a ton anymore. But that's what dating is in. In the beginning everything looks great. Yeah, that's because you're showing your best, showing your best and then when you get behind the scenes, it's like oh, okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is different than what you marketed, for lack of better phrasing, and Sometimes with Emilia I'm not even kidding. This is the, the I don't want to say the one time yeah, probably the one time where it looked amazing when I first met her. But it's way better behind the scenes in every regard and luckily she feels the same way. But that, I think, is a good analogy too, of what attracts someone does not sustain someone. You know, kevin and I starting a podcast, anyone can do that. Sustaining it for six years, that requires a whole nother level of character development and emotional intelligence and vulnerability and humility and uncomfortable conversations and virtue. It's the hardest work in the world, in my opinion.
Speaker 2:One of the things I'm most grateful for is that Taren doesn't care about my success in terms of it doesn't. It doesn't mask anything, it's not a band-aid for it, it doesn't matter. Yeah congrats on having I don't mean it in this way, but congrats on having a successful business. That's great. I still expect you to be the man that you were at the beginning.
Speaker 1:I love that I.
Speaker 2:I am a huge fan of that because I think people do sight of that. Oh, I'm successful, and blah, blah, blah. And then you. Then you start to slip up with the way you treat someone and you get away with it. That'll never happen in my relationship.
Speaker 2:What you I'm grateful for that's because that's not why it started. It's not why it started. It started because I don't know. I mean it started it started because we found each other attractive and then we this is what really happened I was dating. So at this point, yeah, I had left my job and I was dating and I was trying to find someone because I'm in my late 20s and I remember thinking, all right, I'm done with this dating thing. I'm an entrepreneur. I need certainty. I have very little certainty in my life. I don't want to date around, I don't want to do all that stuff and we're a self-improvement company. I want to be able to talk about relationships. I want to have a real relationship. So I was dating. This is after you had already broken off the first one.
Speaker 2:This is years after that.
Speaker 1:So just for timeline, you were what age when you first met Terry? Probably 27. And then, later that year, you started the podcast.
Speaker 2:Maybe I was 26.
Speaker 1:I think 26,. Brother, I was probably 26.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I tell my story so much, but there's so many numbers, probably 26.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:That was the reason. That was the reason.
Speaker 1:Because at that point I was 27. How many year?
Speaker 2:old, are you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, cool. And then you're in your late 20s. Now. This is after Lonely Land, this is when you have grown and developed a lot, after the anxiety and the panic attacks and all that stuff. And then you eventually I remember you being like, I remember this, you saying I think I'm going to hit Taryn back up.
Speaker 2:So there was something that happened before that. So before that, I remember meeting someone and this person was into martial arts. And this person I was like, oh my goodness, this could be the person, for sure, this could be the person. And I remember spending time with them and I don't know, the energy just was off. I don't know how to explain it, but this person's energy in retrospect I didn't notice it at the time, but this person was like very, very confident, but I would say to the point of delusional self-worth.
Speaker 2:And I remember after that I was like I am never going to find someone, because even I didn't even feel understood by this person who I thought was going to understand me, because they had really big goals and they seemed super ambitious and they seemed super conscious. And I remember saying I don't know, I don't know, am I just? I'm, maybe I'm just going to be the bachelor, I'll just be a guy who has friends who date people and get married, and I'll be at their wedding and all that? I don't know, I'll be the cool uncle. I don't know. And then I remember I don't know if it was who was there? It was me, you and one or two other people and I remember saying I don't know what's going on in her life, but I do know Taryn would get me. I don't know how to explain it, but I know she would get me because she got me long before I was me and she knew me long before I was this version of Kevin.
Speaker 2:I was not very hyper-conscious before and I said there was always I don't know how to explain it there was always a thing, there was always a thing, and I know she'd get me. And then, yeah, that's when I reached back out. I waited, though, because she was dating someone so I didn't want to message her. I think I messaged her and just said, hey, I hope all is well. And she said everything's good. And then I looked and she was dating someone. I was like, okay, I'm not going to message her anymore. And then eventually that petered out and I reached out to her after that. So yeah, but I am a big fan of the fact that the success of this business doesn't matter in my relationship.
Speaker 1:And there's so many implications to this. I know we got to go soon. There's a lot of parallels that I just drew in this conversation about outgrowing people. I mean, luckily Teran outgrew that other guy and luckily Emilia outgrew her past relationships, and I just think that that's what happens. Right, you could attract her but not sustain her, sustain the relationship with her. She goes off and continues on her journey. You go off and continue on your journey, fail forward, fail forward, fail forward, figuring it out, learning, growing and then eventually, when you're ready, you feel like you're ready and you reconnect and now you're both growing together, same. I just think it makes sense. We just hang on to things for too long and I know you've been saying that for a while, but it it's landed in a new way for me and I hope for our listeners too Personal growth, personal development.
Speaker 1:I coach couples all over the world at this stage. I coach so many individuals and I can always tell if their intimate partner is growth oriented. That I can always tell. And I'm convinced that the number one reason people don't grow to their full potential is because they're so deeply fearful to lose the people they love, and I know for a fact that was the case for me, and so you almost have to mourn the potential loss in advance. And to bring it back to the original part of this episode Are you the best partner you can be? Would you date yourself If you had a daughter or a son? Would you? Would you want them to have a partner like you? Look in the mirror Because one of two things is going to happen. You're either going to go you know what I'm not being a great partner and I want to do better or you're going to be like I'm an amazing partner and I'm not being treated at my true value. And whichever one it is, there's something you can do about it, and I hope that you do.
Speaker 2:One more layer slash question. Would yeah I mean it's kind of along the same lines but would you, if you looked at your friend group, would you be proud to date your friends? That's a really good question. Tara and I were talking one time and we were talking about some people, some new people, that we met. She knew before I did and I said do you want to know why I like their two heterosexual relationships? I said do you want to know why I really like the men in that relationship? Because I can tell they treat their partner right.
Speaker 2:That's the one thing I look at. I can find a way to be friends with somebody who treats somebody nicely. I cannot find a way to pretend to like somebody who doesn't. I'm not interested, I'm done. One if I see it, I'm done. I don't want to be part of it. You're just not my people and that's okay. You have growth to do. I've been there. But the people I like to surround myself with are people who are really positive for their partners. I love that. I love that. That's so important because that is motivational, it's inspirational, it's positive. You want to spend time with those people. But I can ask myself that question. The answer is for the people I spend the most amount of time around. It's yes, for sure, and I think that's a really good measuring stick.
Speaker 1:It is a good, the best measuring stick. Let's just say if I had used those measuring sticks I would have made some choices quicker.
Speaker 2:Some choices quicker.
Speaker 1:So yeah, for our listeners, this is probably a heavy one, particularly if you have a lot of people in your life that maybe are not of the highest character or of the highest integrity, or of the highest desire to be supportive or helpful, or. And then also the cool thing is is when you ask these questions from these different frames, you're gonna see the true value of certain people. It's not always the loudest person in the room who's the most successful. It's not always that person who's the most valuable. It's really important to know that, and I think that in society that's so focused on shiny objects, it's not always the most attractive. You know girl or guy that's got the best character, and sometimes it actually is, which is interesting, but not always, definitely not always. And I think if you want to have a great, fulfilling life, you can't build it on shiny objects. You really can't.
Speaker 2:You have to build it on tried and true fundamentals of good people, who, who work on themselves my next level, nugget, would be if you are expecting your partner to be the best partner that they've ever been, that starts with you trying to be the best partner you've ever been. Now, obviously, there are circumstances where yeah, there are a lot of circumstances, but I think you can control what you can control and, at the end of the day, the easiest thing to influences ourselves.
Speaker 1:So that would be my next level of my next level nugget would be I say this to the NLU team, sometimes certain members of the NLU team I say I hope that at some point you get to the place where you're seeing yourself the way NLU sees you. What if we see you more accurately than you see yourself? What if we see your value more accurately than you see your own value? And what if you are around people who don't see what we see because they're not looking from a personal growth lens and, don't get me wrong, I know they're showing us parts of themselves that are probably the more aspirational parts, but still, that would be. My next level nugget is I hope. I hope that the people in your life see you as positively and that you see you as positively from a personal growth lens as we would if we were to meet you.
Speaker 2:That we talked a lot about community in this episode, not just the people closest to you, but friends, family, as well as intimate partners in our free course we have on the website. So if you go to nextleveluniversecom, I think there's a drop-down at the very top that'll say next level five to thrive, and there also is a drop-down I think it says courses. There's. There's something there as well, totally free. Just go on the website. We'll also have it in the show notes. But it is the five C's the things that have really helped us get to the next level, the things that we have coached on and seen as the most valuable things. I don't give them away, like Alan does, because you got to go find out for yourself you got to earn them.
Speaker 1:According to Kev, yes, the five C's are. I wrote a blog recently called how to become a sales star, and it starts out explaining why sales is not a bad thing. Sales gets a bad reputation because some sleazy people are deceitful and they lie and manipulate and they make things look better than they really are and all kinds of stuff. That is not the case. That doesn't have to be the case with you. A lot of you out there want to chase your dreams, whether you want your friend to come to the movies with you, or whether or not you want to start that new business, or you want to start that podcast, or you want to grow a community online, or you want to write a book. No matter what, you're gonna have to sell yourself. Sales is influence. You're gonna have to influence other people. It's not a bad thing.
Speaker 1:The only difference between positive impact and manipulation is pure intent. That's a win-win, not a win-lose. Manipulation is someone else trying to get you to do something at the expense of you for them. Positive impact is what we try to do on the show, which is find a win-win. Yes, it's good for us, yes, it's good for an L you, but it's also good for you, it's good for the world, it's a win-win-win-win-win-win scenario. I wrote a blog called how to become a sales star. It will help you think differently about sales and help you open up in your sales abilities so that you can actually start influencing more people and becoming the leader that you're meant to be tomorrow for episode number one thousand four hundred and thirty three.
Speaker 2:Rock bottom has a basement. Alan is going to interview me because we have been saying that we were gonna talk about our stories. I know sometimes we go into a little bit and then we don't go into it all the way because we're trying to stay on task and on point and on theme with the episode. So I will do. Alan's gonna interview me on Saturday's episode, I will interview Alan on Sunday's episode and we will be able to reference them as kind of our inception origin stories. So that will be tomorrow for episode number one thousand four hundred and thirty three. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and an L you. We don't have fans, we have family.
Speaker 1:We will talk to you all tomorrow would you date you next time a nation, nice?
