Next Level University

#1434 - Life Is About Choices, Kevin Interviews Alan On His Story Of Overcoming The Odds

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros talk about perspectives on life, self-worth, and personal growth, as Kevin interviews Alan. They discuss insightful lessons on personal, professional, and business development. They also discuss why stepping outside your echo chamber is crucial and how to recognize and leverage your unique value. They touch on the social aches often accompanying a high level of self-belief and the complexities of being true to yourself in varying social contexts. Hear Alan's sage advice on managing the fears and unease of feeling misunderstood. Get ready to embrace your quirky, authentic self and gear up for a journey toward self-discovery and acceptance.

Links mentioned:
Next Level Monthly Meetup: https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - ​​https://bit.ly/3xffver   


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Show notes:
[3:13] Alan's ozone
[9:42] Ability to project
[14:15] Dealing with being misunderstood
[21:51] Rebecca praises Alan's coaching and the effectiveness of the Peak Performance Tracker in keeping her consistent and moving toward her goals
[22:42] Understanding your weirdness
[28:25] Advice to someone who feels misunderstood
[30:25] What season Alan is currently in
[36:00] Alan's one-minute message for the listeners
[41:48] Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level university, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode. It was episode number 1433. I called it. Rock bottom has a basement, but it was Alan interviewing me on Insecurities. That was pretty much the the big theme of our conversation. Mm-hmm today for episode number 1434 life is about choices. So I am going to interview Alan and One of the things that Alan always says is life, life is about choices.

Speaker 1:

That is something that a lesson his mother gave to him when he was young, so that was what I thought would be an appropriate title. Will we stay on that the whole time? I don't know, but we will see. Alan, you have coached I Mean you've done thousands of hours of coaching calls at this point in your life, some of them probably pretty good, some of them probably pretty bad. In retrospect, looking back, because you've gotten better and better and better as you've, as you've grown, what would you say? And for the listener or the viewer, what would you say? The most valuable lesson You've learned is that you could share with them. That would give them a new perspective on life, or habits or behaviors or beliefs, or whatever it may be.

Speaker 2:

Very difficult question to answer 4500 hours is a long time.

Speaker 2:

That was the point, son. Yeah, I know, I know, I know, let me let me sit with that for a second 4500 hours of one-on-one time with individuals Trying to help them Achieve success, but not success in the way people think of success. I've recently figured out that my ozone is three things, because as you grow and evolve, you look back at your past and you figure out what you, what you're passionate about. You look back and, okay, even when I didn't know I was doing that, I was doing that. Coaching is one of them. But what is ozone for the new audience? Obsession zone yeah, thank you for asking that. Your ozone is your obsession zone, which is? We did an episode recently about where Kevin said what are you talking about on a Friday night? So you're obsessed with contemplating weird shit. Definitely, which is, yeah, which is awesome, and I am too, which is what one of the reasons you and I get along so well. Quite frankly, my ozone I narrowed it down to three things. The first one is personal development, the second one is professional development and the third one is business development, and I'll circle back to your original question in a second.

Speaker 2:

When you are with people one-on-one, there's a theme. There's always a theme and this is probably the most important thing that I've learned through coaching is that everyone Is in their own echo chamber of the way they view the world, because the world is reacting to them. So, for example, this is one for me, but I hope the listeners are thinking of themselves. Excuse me, I Always thought everyone had big goals and dreams. Looking back, I've come to realize that when people are with me, they always talk about goals and dreams, because I'm obsessed with goals and dreams, and and so I lived in a World where I believed that everyone was aspirational, that everyone had big goals and dreams and that everyone cared about Getting better and that everyone wanted to maximize their potential, when, in reality, those are the parts of them that they are Showing me when they're with me, because whenever we're with other people, we Mirror them, we match them, we want to be in rapport with them, we want to. We either walk away and say I don't like that person, or we walk away and say that was amazing and Everything in between, and so the most important thing that I've learned is all of us have a inaccurate perspective of who we are and how the world works, because we are all living in our own echo chamber.

Speaker 2:

If you are obsessed with music, everyone else is gonna bring out the part of them that loves music when they're with you, and so you're gonna think that everyone loves music as much as you do and your belief systems are gonna be built on that. And then you're gonna be frustrated when, when certain things don't match that, when you notice certain things that don't match that so far, things that don't match that. So, for example, if I live in a world where I think everyone's gonna achieve their goals and dreams and everyone believes in themselves and everyone Cares about getting better every day and everyone wants to be a good person and no one wants to lie and everyone wants to be the most virtuous version of themselves, and that's the part they're showing me when they're with me, unconsciously and Then I notice people places, things and ideas that don't match that, I'm gonna be Not knowing my own value in comparison. So I think that that's the number one thing I've learned is that everyone's self concept, which is your view of self, and their self-efficacy, which is your, your ability to achieve things in the external world, are always off.

Speaker 2:

4500 calls, hundreds, if not thousands, of people. There's never been a time where someone wasn't inaccurate about themself, how they work, why they work that way, and the world how they work and why it works. Though, how it works and why they. Why it works that way.

Speaker 1:

And us included 100% that's us. We've been leading that charge, hopefully, for the last six years and what's ironic is we're still inaccurate.

Speaker 2:

We're just more accurate than we used to be yeah, what?

Speaker 1:

okay, you've been doing this, you and I've been doing this, but you've been doing self-improvement a lot longer than I. Six, let's just say six years ago I probably asked you this question, maybe not because I probably didn't have the awareness to understand the importance of the question, but Six years ago, if I asked you on episode one of the hyper conscious podcast, what is the biggest thing Stopping people from accomplishing their own unique version of success? What would you have said six years ago? And then, what would you say present day, today?

Speaker 2:

What I would have said six years ago is probably they don't know what they really want, or something about clarity. I Probably would have said people aren't clear. They aren't clear on what they want to achieve. So how could they? I just feel like a lot of people are very directionless. That's my old answer and that's still got some validity. But the truth is underneath that the real reason they don't have clarity is because they don't have belief. So number one is you just don't believe in yourself enough, because if you did, you would find clarity.

Speaker 1:

Has that been a hard awareness for you? Definitely, why.

Speaker 2:

We did an episode recently where I talked about these two little boys at the Next Level Hope Foundation and how one of them I was studying and that's one other through line two is I've always been studying behavior and I was studying these two little boys playing wuffa ball and one of them has a very positive self-concept where the song stuck in their head is I'm amazing, I'm gonna win, I should win, I'm great. And the other one has a self-concept, a song stuck in their head of I'm not good enough, I'm not smart, I'm not fast, I'm not athletic, and you can kind of tell in their energies one of them is probably a little bit arrogant. The other one is definitely insecure and you and I have both been on both ends of that for sure. And I had this moment where I realized that other people believe that the person with the song stuck in their head that they're awesome, that that person needs to be knocked down a peg in order to be helped. And there is some truth to that, because obviously arrogance is not an effective quality. If you think you're better than you really are, you're in trouble when you actually get in the ocean with bigger fish. So I think people assume that you're arrogant if you have a lot of self-belief when in reality, what if you actually just do believe in yourself to that extent? So let me, let me unpack one more thing. So I think very far into the future and I have a lot of mathematical certainty that that these, these things will work, because I've already calculated in my head.

Speaker 2:

Psychologists call this your ability to project. In other words, you don't have to, you know, you look both ways and you project that if you look both ways and there's no cars, you're gonna be fine, you can cross the street. What if I'm doing that 10 years from now and I'm projecting a lot of things that I know are possible and that can happen? And even though I'm off a little bit, I'm not as off as people think, and so I think most of my life people assumed I was more arrogant than I really was because I was always talking about what was going to be, not necessarily focused on what already has been. So, for example, I said I would get straight A's and I did that, and that's not perceived as arrogant because I did it, but I was saying I was gonna do that the whole time, I before I did it, and so I think that anyone who has high self-belief they usually have a lot of pain that comes from social pain because they don't fit in self-belief is very rare.

Speaker 2:

If someone is out there listening or viewing this and you really do resonate with yeah, no, I totally believe in myself and it's not fake and I know it's possible for me and I'm gonna achieve what I want and that all is like real. It's not ego, it's you really feel that way. You're most likely struggling to be your full self around other people. And then, if you don't feel that way, it's probably you're struggling to realize that you don't believe in yourself that much, and that can be hard too. So I think, since your original question, it's been really hard for me to realize how few people believe in themselves, because when you, when you believe in yourself, you don't know that other people don't, especially not when they're faking that they do, especially when they're around you.

Speaker 2:

Everyone around me always had big goals and dreams, but they weren't the same. I'll give you an example. I had a friend and he would always talk goals and dreams around me, always huge goals and dreams like statistically anomalies. But then when he wasn't with me, I'm still talking goals and dreams. He isn't. He's only talking goals and dreams with me, but I don't. I don't watch him when I'm not there, so I couldn't possibly know that. That's not who he really is. And so, as I've aged I'm 34 now that same person I go oh, you, so you, you were just talking. I meant, I meant every word and not from an ego place, and obviously I pivoted and you know I didn't achieve every single like I decided. I didn't want to do X, y, z, but at the end of the day you're in an echo chamber and that's that's why you have a lot of pain is because you're inaccurate you're inaccurate about yourself and others and so that causes pain.

Speaker 2:

So your pain is either I'm convinced of this your deepest pain is either you don't believe you can achieve what you really want, or your deepest pain is social meaning friends, family. They hurt you and they don't get you and you feel alone that it's one or the other. If you fit in and this is probably this is uncomfortable to share but if you fit in easily while being your full self, you most likely don't believe in yourself that much. If you believe in yourself at a level 10 and you really believe you can achieve whatever you want and you are shooting for something that is way beyond the norm, you most likely have really a really hard time fitting in easily and being liked. You either feel really easily likeable or you feel like it's easy to achieve what you want.

Speaker 1:

When we were talking about me working at the gas station and having the fear of being judged misunderstood, really, I think is what it is and then I connected. Well, when I misunderstood from a potential scarce place, I like to create a misunderstanding based on abundance too. So, yeah, I'm a gas station attendant, but I'm also going to be a professional fighter. That was cool, right, that was a really good connection for me.

Speaker 1:

You are somebody who, I would argue, probably has been and continues to be more misunderstood than most people I know. I would argue, just based on who you are and even your ability to project into the future and all that. Do you believe I'm excited for this question? I'm very excited for this question. Do you believe you were more misunderstood when you were younger or you're more misunderstood now? And what would you say to our amazing NLU family when it comes to dealing with the fears of being, fears and discomfort of being misunderstood? Because I think everybody has that to some degree, even if you don't have a very high level of self-belief. We've talked about that a lot. Isn't it weird how the hardest thing in the world to be is yourself?

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

The thing that you were put here to be, quite literally, it's quite ironic. It is so in the past or current, and what advice would you give? Because I do believe there are certain things that the audience will know you don't understand about them. When it comes to not believing in yourself, that's something you have had very few bouts of, but I do believe at a deep level. You know what it's like to be misunderstood and you can definitely add value on that.

Speaker 2:

Do I feel more misunderstood now or more misunderstood in the past? I would say now I'm more aware of how misunderstood I feel. So it feels like it's more now, but I don't think it is. I think I've always felt misunderstood. I just wasn't aware of anything different. So I wasn't really aware of how misunderstood I felt, especially because I was masking it with trying to fit it. So what's a good example of trying to fit in For me? The alcohol thing was my way of really fitting in. The future orientation went away when I drank. You haven't drank around me much, but anyone can.

Speaker 2:

I don't think I ever have I don't think I've ever drank around you ever. Yeah, I was after.

Speaker 1:

Not after a little party days.

Speaker 2:

I missed the damn boat you and I hung out when we were in middle school I wasn't drinking yet, fortunately, and then we hung out after 26.

Speaker 1:

A couple years later. Yeah, I stopped drinking.

Speaker 2:

Was I drinking the night that we, when you were at the party, summerfest? I don't believe so I was very drunk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I stayed up all night.

Speaker 1:

I was playing volleyball, I was drowned in the lake. I made some dumb decisions.

Speaker 2:

I was very drunk. It was a good time. It was a good time. 3 am on the dock with Kev.

Speaker 1:

Drunken. Imagine the conversations we would have had.

Speaker 2:

Seriously. So the thing that comes to mind to explain this is when I would drink. It would take away all future orientation. So when I was a little kid, it was always goals and dreams. When I played Halo, I wanted to be the best Halo player in the world. When I played Diablo 2, I wanted to. I created an online marketplace where we bought and sold items. When I was 12, you know, when I was studying computers, I built my own computer with my friend and we talked about a company we were going to start called Laskor and it was going to be. We talked about the video games. We were going to create Musket. The American Revolution was when I talked about it.

Speaker 2:

And I'll never forget that story of me and my best friend at the time and my mom at the table and she was just fueling the fire like letting us go. And that's one thing I'll give my mom. Is she always? She always encouraged. That Didn't do everything right, definitely not, but she always encouraged dreaming and goals, always Fortunately. And so with alcohol, all that went away. With alcohol, it was like the best way I can describe it is all of the future goes away and all that matters is right now. And for me, that's.

Speaker 2:

95% of my thought processes are usually about the future. You know, I mean NLU is. If anyone is has gotten a lot of value from NLU in your life thus far, this is the very beginning. We're probably at one percent, not even of our true potential, in my opinion, and so the impact we're going to have is going to be way larger than what you've experienced thus far.

Speaker 2:

And even saying that is uncomfortable for me, very uncomfortable for me, because it's actually way lower than one percent Mathematically speaking. But when you're such a weirdo and you've always been such a weirdo you don't really feel understood ever, so you don't really know what it's like to feel normal, and Emilia has always been really weird and super future-oriented the only person I've ever personally met who is more future-oriented than me and even that is very uncomfortable to share as well. I want to make clear that's very uncomfortable to share that because that even that sounds so goddamn arrogant, but it is my truth. I'm looking for people that are future-oriented. I have been. My whole life I've been looking. It took me 30 years to find Emilia, and Kevin remembers conversations behind the scenes where I didn't believe she existed and you didn't believe she existed either.

Speaker 1:

Good luck sir.

Speaker 2:

She did, which is awesome. But yeah, to answer the original question, I would say I feel more misunderstood now, but it's only because I'm more aware of the feeling.

Speaker 1:

Okay, what would you say to the audience about this? Because this is the interesting thing. I believe everybody is weird. I think everybody's a weirdo.

Speaker 2:

Just in their own way. Yeah, to what extent? Yeah, it's in their own way, and to what extent, yeah, and do you lean into it?

Speaker 1:

I've always loved talking about weird stuff, even though I've been laughed at. It's just. I think the justification that's helped me is oh, you just don't, yeah, you just don't think about that stuff. That's okay, cool, no worries, I'm always thinking about that.

Speaker 1:

Last night, tara and I were watching suits and I've been partaking a lot in marijuana lately as I've been talking about it very openly on here, and one of the reasons I like indulging in marijuana is because I think about the deepest. I don't see anything at surface level. Almost nothing do I see at surface level. So we're watching a show called suits and they have a lot of these multi-cam shots and you and I have talked about this in the past. I said hey, man and I came up with this when I was high one night. I said, hey, when they do a multi-cam, when they switch from, just picture this in your mind I'm talking to Alan and the cameras on me, but you can see the side of Alan's face. Yeah, I talk, and then Alan starts talking and it's not actually what Alan is saying. It's from a completely different scene. It's not aligned.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

So I said to Tara and I said how many takes do you think it takes them to get through this actual scene, knowing that it's not just one shot? Yeah, it can't be one shot because the cameras don't line up. And she's like what do you mean? And I explained it to her and she said I've never thought of that. And I said I can't unsee it when I watch these episodes. That's all I think of, that is all I can think of. I'm weird like that. I want to know the behind the scenes. So a tangent. But I do believe everybody, whether you're watching or listening, you're a weirdo and that's awesome.

Speaker 2:

I love that for you, as long as you love that for yourself I would say you're a weirdo to the extent that you don't fall in the middle of the bell curve. And I'm going to explain a bell curve quickly. I know most people do understand bell curve, but if you don't, no worries. So a bell curve is a statistical. If there's a thousand people in a room, there's a very, very small percentage of people that are millionaires and there's a very, very small percentage of people that are in abject poverty.

Speaker 2:

So I don't know, maybe it's two people out of the thousand or 20 people out of the thousand that are millionaires and then 20 people out of the thousand that are in abject poverty and, by the way, abject poverty is predicated on a statistical understanding of the global economy at that time. So a bell curve is the masses are always in the middle. The most popular TV shows, the most popular restaurants, they're in the middle. So, for example, all the energy drinks, red bulls in the middle. You know, zoa is a rarer energy drink, so it's on the higher end of the bell curve, it's on the higher quality, but it's also more expensive. Everything is kind of that way.

Speaker 2:

Another example that I think will be relatable is you know, if there's a thousand cars on the road, only 10 of them are Ferraris. Or you know $100,000 cars and then only 10 of them are also absolute junk, less than $1,000. So if you are, you are weird, and this is the irony. You're weird in something. You're really weird in something. I'm not that weird in food. I like the same food that most Americans like.

Speaker 1:

I'm not weird in that. You are weird because you eat the same thing every day. Yeah, that's weird. That is weird. That's even even within the normal. There is weird.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I think everyone to the extent that you own your weird is the extent that you will be fulfilled, but you have to go against wanting to fit in in order to do that. So I'm convinced and would you rather fit in or would you rather be yourself? That's a question that you should ask yourself forever. And I, I joke and I talk about when I was in college. I lost myself because I was what someone else referred to as the most popular kid on campus. Even when Kevin and I went to the speech in Pittsburgh, there was a fraternity brother of mine there that was surprised. My name was Alan, because in college it was Laz. My last name is Lazarus and it was Laz. So he was like, okay, I guess he's called Alan now. No, that's my name, that's my actual name. That's not now, but I was Laz in college and that's how everyone knew me.

Speaker 2:

And I lost myself because I was friends with everyone. I was fitting in with everyone. Therefore, I wasn't living true to who I actually am Now. That doesn't mean I was always inauthentic, and this is the nuance. It's a duality. You have to hold both things simultaneously. I was bringing out the part of me that authentically does love movies and authentically does love classic rock and authentically does love food and authentically does love alcohol and authentically does love whatever. So I wasn't inauthentic. I was just putting a part of me that could relate out there, and I think we're all doing that.

Speaker 2:

But if you do that with too many people too often and you're not stopping and being alone, you lose yourself. You eventually don't know who the hell you are, and I think a lot of famous people struggle with this because they end up becoming this identity of what everyone wants them to be, because they have to in order to be authentic, because they have to in order to stay marketable. But they lose themselves, usually like it's very hard for them to. I was watching that. Have you seen that documentary about Jennifer Lopez? It's called halftime. It's she turned 50. So and she did the halftime show for the Super Bowl. It's really powerful. But I can understand why people lose themselves. You, you are essentially, the world sees you this way and that's what you have to be for your career. But then you have to silence all those other parts too often and you do. You lose yourself, and I've been there in a very, very small extent, obviously not the same extent as Jennifer Lopez. But I remember in college feeling that way. I remember feeling like I have to be this all the time. I always have to be on, I'm everyone's best friend, I'm everyone's go to for parties, I'm everyone's go to for everything, and you eventually just lose yourself and lose your identity. And it's a very, very dark time. And I think that because I had so much self-belief, I felt like I could handle it.

Speaker 2:

And Emilia I'll talk about her quickly. She was her sisters. I always pick her family's brain about her because I wanna understand her from a 360 degree perspective. Again, weird, I know, but I asked her sister one time. Her and me and her sister, her little sister, ella, had a lot of really good conversations and I said what was she like in high school? And she's like, oh, most popular girl in the entire high school, like I was living in her shadow, all this stuff.

Speaker 2:

Emilia was in every club, she was academic, she was amazing, she's beautiful, she was bested athlete in every sport, all that stuff. And I just had that moment of okay. So she went through in high school what I went through in college and that's one of the reasons we understand each other is because we gave too much of our light away to too many people and we lost ourselves. Both of us and we both believe in ourselves to a fault. And if that doesn't land, I understand. But whatever your weird is, you almost have to protect it. But don't exile it, don't shun it, don't? You have to let it shine. But you can't let it shine so much that you give it away to everyone.

Speaker 1:

Would you say the same thing about being misunderstood? Is that the advice you would give for somebody who's afraid of being misunderstood?

Speaker 2:

I think the advice I'd give to someone who's afraid to be misunderstood is people can only understand you to the extent that they understand the human condition and to the extent that you allow them to understand you. And the other, deeper layer of that is you can only be understood to the extent the other person has experienced it.

Speaker 2:

So if you're not a podcaster, you can't actually understand us to the extent that a podcaster can in podcasting. So we do seven episodes a week and if you're a podcaster, your response is how is that even possible? How, how do you do that? That's what I would have thought at the beginning. Definitely we were doing one a week and it was struggle. It would have been like how, how is that possible? If you're not a podcaster? You don't even think about it. It's like okay, cool, is that even good? I don't know. Right, and that's my point is if you feel misunderstood, you're always gonna be. You can only be understood to the extent that the other person understands themselves. The other person understands your experience. The other person has experienced what you've experienced and the extent that you actually let them in, which requires vulnerability. So you're gonna be misunderstood, no matter what. You might as well embrace that.

Speaker 1:

That's the first time I've ever said that without I think it's a powerful, especially powerful now because it's something you're currently doing and we all are the team. Right now, the theme that the team is going through is letting go of people who will never really understand you at the level. They'll never really understand the real you, the real authentic version of you. Yeah, and a lot of people are having the pain of saying, oh, you know what I understand now that I'm probably gonna have to let this relationship, friendship, family member go. So I do believe it's a very timely example what we always go through seasons. We're always going through different seasons growth seasons, boundary seasons, whatever it may be. What is the current season you're going through and what has been the most important lesson you've learned in that season, in this season?

Speaker 2:

The current season I've been going through. One of them would be the realization that most of my day-to-day experiences I'll give a tiny example that I think will articulate it- Can you just slide back for the mic a little? I think you've moved.

Speaker 1:

We're trying to keep Alan a fist away from the fist length away from the mic.

Speaker 2:

so yeah, that way you don't have to hear my nose whistle. So this is a perfect example. Everyone, when you're on Instagram or you're on Facebook, or you're doing a training, or you're doing a course, or you're reading a book, there are certain things that will resonate with you, that you'll share with someone, and what you share with them indicates how much they understand you. So, for example, kevin and I are business owners. I'll send him. There was someone, donald Miller, wrote a book called the business made simple, and he said something on Instagram that I really resonated with and I shared it with Kevin because I know you'll Know why it resonated with me and it will resonate with you to an extent, and it's something that I tried to share with you. Okay, so my point of that is yesterday I I found this graphic that You'll laugh when I tell you this, kevin. I found this graphic that shows the globe and it shows the percentage of the economy that each country is Mm-hmm. Did I send it to you? Mm-hmm?

Speaker 1:

I didn't send it to you, okay, I?

Speaker 2:

sent it to Emilia Because she and I one time had an argument, a healthy debate, about the global economy. I study economics. I always have, I'm obsessed with it. I love numbers. The point that I'm making here is that I know she cares about that as much as I do. And and then later, later that day, yesterday, I'm doing a training and in the training, with Steve Jobs's org chart at Apple, and the org chart is quantum, it's it's it's not hierarchical, it's Steve at the center and then he reports to these people and Tim Cook, the current CEO of Apple, is On the org chart, which is fascinating because obviously he was promoted the CEO after Steve Jobs passed away and then it's like a ball that ripples outward. It's a quantum org chart. No, businesses have quantum org charts. I Knew Emilia would love that, so I sent it to her.

Speaker 2:

And To answer your original question, the season I'm in is realizing how, how little of what I care about and what I need to focus on that's better. It's not just what I care about how little of what I have to focus on to get better Is relatable to other people. That's the chapter I'm in. Is the mourning, the loss of that in advance. So, for example, all my friends from high school, I still love them. I still have love for them if they were listening right now. I love you. I hope the best for you. I want to see you win but and it is a but but I know that I'm not going to be able to be there for you in the way that you need, because what I am is so different than what you want. And that's okay. That's the chapter I'm in, and that's taken me 34 years to get to a place where I'm like you know what I'm not really valuable to that person. In the same way, it's like.

Speaker 2:

The best analogy I have is imagine I'm a rapper, but I'm I'm. I'm singing in front of a country Audience, an audience who hates rap. Imagine I'm a rapper and I'm in front of an audience of a thousand people that doesn't that hates rap. They know they not only don't like rap, they actually think rap is the problem. They think rap is what made the world go to shit. That is how I feel sometimes around certain people and it's not against them, it's not against me.

Speaker 2:

The chapter I'm in is I'm not what they want. I'm definitely not what they think they want. What they want. I might be what they need, but they're not aware of that yet. So that's okay, I'm not gonna try, because if I try, what I used to do is Try to be the version of me, that that they would like or that they would enjoy or that they would want, so that I could eventually be more of me, and that was a losing game. So the chapter I'm in is mourning the loss of being relatable To most people, and that doesn't mean I can't relate. It just means I'm not gonna go out of my way to to try to Help people who don't like rap, so to speak.

Speaker 1:

Okay, we have five minutes left. Rapid fire, it's only one thing, but rapid fire, this one thing. And the reason I I give you this is because a lot of people give me this at the end when I'm on podcasts, and this is very much. I'm pretending I don't know you, you're not on this show. This is a regular interview. I'm interviewing you. I'm interviewing you One minute. You have one minute To leave the audience with the most powerful thing you can. But if you go over one minute, I'm coming to your house and I'm taking Challenge accepted.

Speaker 2:

People say life is about the journey, not the destination. While I understand why they say that, it's very inaccurate. The destination you choose in advance dictates most of the journey, and driving from Boston to LA is very different than driving 30 minutes south. So you need goals. You need goals. If you don't have goals, you don't have direction. If you don't have direction, you don't have clarity. If you don't have clarity, you don't have consistency or momentum. And if you don't have momentum, you're not going to have great results. You're going to feel lost, you're going to feel directionless. And, by the way, you're not going to have goals if you don't have self belief.

Speaker 2:

Two things that matter most in the world. Number one is self efficacy, also known as self belief. You can build it. You have to start small. Say you're going to accomplish something, you have to go, do that thing, no matter what it takes. Keep the promise to yourself. And then you have to self assign it. When you self assign it, you build real belief, not ego. Now you can aim a little bigger and it's like a staircase one stare at a time.

Speaker 2:

Second piece self worth, also known as self concept. How you see yourself is dictating everything you do and don't do, say and don't say, think and don't think, feel and don't feel. All I'm doing in coaching is mostly those two things I'm getting people to aim a little higher by seeing themselves a little better and then proving to themselves that they can do it. And then everything starts to build momentum and all of a sudden they end up with these huge goals and dreams. And then you see them and they have these huge goals and dreams and you think I could never be like that. No, you could. They started just as small as you did. Maybe you can't be exactly like them, because we're all unique, but you can be more than you are now, no matter what.

Speaker 1:

Very well said. If you, if Alan went over a minute, please screenshot it and send it to me on Instagram and I'll. Maybe I'll send you like a $10 Amazon gift card or something. I'm sure he went over. That's why I tested it. But very, very good answer, strong work. Thank you, brother. Yeah, congratulations on being interviewed by the one and only Kevin Paul Mary.

Speaker 1:

I don't know he's evidently he's a big-time podcaster. No, I appreciate the vulnerability, I appreciate the transparency and I think it's important to come at it from that approach, because I know we don't always go as deep as You're capable of going when we're talking about stuff, because we want to make sure it lands with the audience. And, yeah, you've studied this a lot more than I have, so We'll let you run, you know.

Speaker 2:

I appreciate it. I that's one of my biggest challenges.

Speaker 1:

I'll be brief about this but it's gonna be one of my extremely brief like 30 seconds brief.

Speaker 2:

Okay, one of my biggest challenges is I Don't know how deep I've gone, and it's hard to transcode Everything that I know in a way that's gonna help people. So thank you for letting me go deep and of course this is awesome.

Speaker 1:

I enjoy this very much. I want to get to a cadence where we can do this every week or every month, I don't know yet. I just I Want to do it. I just don't know what it looks like yet and we've done things in the past where it was okay. It's gonna be motivation Monday and we didn't really like that and I don't I don't whether you're watching or listening. I don't think you really liked it either, depending on Basing on the numbers that we saw. So maybe we'll try to figure out something.

Speaker 1:

Next level nation. We talked about the fear of Judgment a little bit today. Being misunderstood, our next monthly meetup is oh my goodness, I jeft it, it is. So I'm gonna be away in Belgium for half of September. We usually do our meetup the first Thursday of the month. I'm not gonna be here for the first Thursday or the second Thursday. So this is what we're gonna do.

Speaker 1:

We are going to do our next monthly meetup on Thursday, september 1st, and that monthly meetup is dealing with the fear of judgment and Rejection if you're a dream chaser, anybody you're most likely gonna come across or against the fear of judgment and rejection, whether it's asking somebody to be a client, asking somebody out Trying to get somebody to Do something with you, whatever it may be. We're all going to face that. So that is what that monthly meetup will be about Totally free. It is totally behind the scenes. You do not have to participate or you can participate all you want. Link will be In the show notes. I don't know if we've created it yet, but link will be in the show notes. We'll make sure it is.

Speaker 2:

If you enjoy this show and you love what we talk about, if you enjoyed that Interview. There's so much more. There's so much deeper. At NLU, we go deeper on other things. We have online courses, we have one-on-one coaching, we have group coaching. We have all these different things. We have an online course that's completely free, which I think is a great next step Totally free, free, 99. It's called the next level five to thrive. It is the fundamentals that have gotten Kevin and I here and these fundamentals are what we still use today. So it's called the five C's. I'm not gonna give the five C's away Because you got to go Find them yourself, but these five C's we still check in on today. We still are trying to be ten out of ten in these five C's and there's no way, if you took away these five C's from Kevin and I, there's no way we would be where we are today 100%.

Speaker 1:

Tomorrow for episode number 1,435. One powerful health awareness. You may not know yet I've been diving very much into fitness and nutrition. Just because that is the season I am in, bodybuilder kev is back, so I want to do an episode on that. We will do it tomorrow for Monday's episode. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We'll talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2:

Keep making good choices. Next definition Boom.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host