Next Level University
Confidence, mindset, relationships, limiting beliefs, family, goals, consistency, self-worth, and success are at the core of hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros' heart-driven, no-nonsense approach to holistic self-improvement. This transformative, 7 day per week podcast is focused on helping dream chasers who have been struggling to achieve their goals and are seeking community, consistency and answers. If you've ever asked yourself "How do I get to the next level in my life", we're here for you!
Our goal at NLU is to help you uncover the habits to build unshakable confidence, cultivate a powerful mindset, nurture meaningful relationships, overcome limiting beliefs, create an amazing family life, set and achieve transformative goals, embrace consistency, recognize your self-worth, and ultimately create the fulfillment and success you desire. Let's level up your health, wealth and love!
Next Level University
#1446 - How To Actually Ask For Help…
Fear or hesitation in seeking help is a common occurrence. In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros talk about why this apprehension exists and how to overcome it. The focus is not on entitlement but on recognizing our needs and respecting those who can assist us. They also talk about choosing the right person to seek help from, finding relationships built on a foundation of vulnerability and courage, and tips on recognizing those who genuinely want to help.
Links mentioned:
Next Level Monthly Meetup: https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course): https://bit.ly/3xffver
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Website 💻 http://www.nextleveluniverse.com
The best way to track your habits is here! Download the app: Optimal - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/optimal/
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Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
- Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
- Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - https://bit.ly/3xffver
- Next Level U Book Club - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-book-club/
- Next Level Monthly Meetup: https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/
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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on LinkedIn, Instagram, or via email
Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/
Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com
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Show notes:
[2:40] Kevin talks about a listener who reached out for a free call
[5:40] Asking for help with humility
[13:56] Tim credits Alan's guidance and the Next Level Business Solutions for the transformative impact on his business
[17:58] Alan talks about a listener who reached out for coaching
[24:16] Seeking people who genuinely want to help
[29:03] Outro
Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level university, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Very important that I get off to a smooth start here, based on how badly I butchered the outro of the previous episode. Speaking of the previous episode, we hope you enjoyed it. It was episode number 1445. Two reasons why people unintentionally hold you back today for episode number 1446 happy frayé, how to actually ask for help. I don't know if it's a, if it's a cultural thing, if it's a fear of rejection thing, but I know a lot of people if it's a maybe a pride thing. There's a lot of people out there that are afraid to ask for help and when I'm thinking of what is made the biggest difference for you and I I've asked you for help many times Mm-hmm, you don't really come out and ask me for help, but I just give you help sometimes when I think you could use it.
Speaker 2:I ask. You ask me when we do a meetup. Yeah, yeah, or we do group coaching or we I always ask Most important win, most important improvement which is usually the improvements Are that didn't land.
Speaker 1:Help me get better.
Speaker 2:You want help getting better? Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's fair. I ask you a lot. I ask you. I've asked you many, many, many, many times for help, so I'm like hey man, how do I In that exact tone.
Speaker 2:it's fun for me, yeah well, I like that. We run an idea off. Yeah, what are your thoughts if I started a podcast? Continue, sorry.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, you're good, you're good. So I thought it would be a valuable episode to do, just based on the fact that you might be out there right now. Well, how about this? I Did a podcast breakthrough session with someone who has listened to every single episode of podcast growth you and at the time there was probably 55 episodes and they said I am just now brave enough to book a free call with you. And I said why did you? Did you think I was gonna sell you on something? Do you think I was gonna be mean behind the scenes? And this person said no, I just.
Speaker 1:I had all the thoughts and the feelings I imposter syndrome, fear, rejection, embarrassment, all that stuff. And I literally, at the end of every episode, say I want to talk to you. If you need help, please don't ever hesitate to reach out. And that was really highlighting for me, because, just because you say it doesn't necessarily mean it lands the way you want it to land. So I was thinking to myself okay, what has helped me ask for help and what could we share with the amazing NLU family? That would hopefully be Be valuable if they're struggling with that? I came up with One, two, three, three ish things. Three ish things, okay. Number one make sure it's the right person. Alan, one of the reasons I ask you for help a lot is because I think you're the right person ask, and I when I say right person, it doesn't necessarily just mean the person has the advice you're looking for. They have the attitude you're looking for, they have the personality, they have the character.
Speaker 1:I think one of the reasons we don't ask for help as much as we would like to is because we have in the past and it probably backfired, maybe we just didn't ask the right person. If you go to, yeah, if you're lost somewhere and you go to a place that maybe that not so nice part of town and you ask Somebody for help, it might not go as well as if you went to the police station or fire station. You go to the police station, the fire station and say, hey, can you help me find something? I'm sure they will and I'm sure it'll probably be a pretty positive experience, hopefully. So first thing is make sure you ask the right person. Second thing make sure you bring the right intention.
Speaker 1:I was on a podcast recently and At the end of the podcast the person said hey, do you mind sticking around for a couple minutes. I want to ask you some questions. That isn't the best way to go about asking for help, in my opinion. Just that the intention behind it was I am going to get you to help me, not I am going to be vulnerable and be courageous and put myself out there and let you know that I need your help, that I would really benefit from your help. Just that, let me pick your brain. That type of energy versus saying hey, kev, I know you've been on a lot of podcasts and I know you've created a successful podcast of your own. Any tips and tricks you'd be willing to share with me would be really appreciated. What do you have? Any feedback you'd be willing to share based on how the interview went? Versus hey, let me pick your brain on podcasting. Those are just two different conversations.
Speaker 2:One of them, I think I know this isn't the point of the episode, but I think it's important One of them, I think, is someone who isn't willing to put themselves below you, even if it's temporary. And by below you what I mean is it's almost like they're trying to keep the status of where peers and they aren't willing to be humble and vulnerable and say I really need you. They don't. It's vulnerable to say I need you and I never really realized it, but I don't like when people are entitled like that of same. It's almost like you're asking for my help but you aren't willing to admit that I'm ahead of you in a way.
Speaker 2:Is that what it feels like for you?
Speaker 1:That's why I wanted to share it, because if you ever ask somebody for advice that way, you might not get or ask for help. It might not go that well. The person might be turned off and they might not be as kind as you and I would aspire to be. I still help the person, but it was one of those things of I've gotten to the end of episodes and I've said this to many people. You have my email. Email me anytime with any questions you ever have. I mean that because they were very humble in their way of asking for help, versus there was a lot of people that I am not interested in helping.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you don't even say that I would never.
Speaker 1:I would never Based on that way that's not the right way to ask for help. It's almost a fear of vulnerability around putting yourself out there. It's almost like rather than me again hypothetical situation I'm very happily married rather than me meeting somebody and going up to them and saying, hey, I saw you from across the bar. You're very, very beautiful. I didn't see anybody with you and I love your glasses. I'm, kevin, vulnerable. That's a vulnerable thing. Like you're putting a lot of a good amount of thought versus saying like, hey, you're hot, should we go somewhere? That's like an ego way to do it.
Speaker 1:It's an ego way to do it Now again, not apples to apples, but I thought no it is.
Speaker 2:It's the same energy, though.
Speaker 1:It's the same energy.
Speaker 2:You know, what sucks is that that second approach actually works too often to where it makes it, it reinforces it. It seems like confidence.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it does seem like confidence when in reality, it's just being a dick, especially if you're asking someone for help. I know you're not that confident, because you just asked me for your help, for my help. You couldn't possibly be as confident in this as I am. And again, hopefully, if you're whether you're watching or listening you're most likely not the type of person that would do it that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You wouldn't do that.
Speaker 2:So that's why I love coaching, because when you yeah, when you hire a coach, you are inherently humble. Otherwise you wouldn't be. Yeah, I've actually started saying this and we'll move on, but I actually said this on Book Club. I said because Brandon is always like Allen, don't forget to plug, which I asked him to do. Brandon, thank you so much because I keep forgetting. I'm just value, value, value, book, book, book, learn, learn, learn, love, love, love. And it's like oh yeah, yeah, if you haven't booked a breakthrough session yet, please do, but don't book it unless you actually want to learn. If you are coming in there with ego, I'm just not interested. I'm going to show you the door.
Speaker 2:I spent too much of my life and this is what I shared on Book Club. I invested too much of my life into people who really weren't humble. They didn't actually want to learn. I think they wanted to. Somehow they just came in with ego and it's going to be a waste of your time and a waste of mine anyway, because you're not going to implement what I say anyway, that second energy you're talking about of hey, you want to go somewhere. It's entitlement.
Speaker 1:It's.
Speaker 2:I'm hot shit. You should want to come with me, even though I'm the one asking you. It's so broken.
Speaker 1:I've yeah no, that's.
Speaker 2:I'm not having it for anyone who does that, and I think that for the listeners, hopefully you can start realizing that that's not actual confidence, that's fake confidence. Real confidence is honestly, listen, I want to be better and you are better at this than I am. Would you be willing to help me? That's confidence. The other one is just ego yeah.
Speaker 1:And one of the other reasons I wanted to do this episode is because I remember when we were mentored by Dave Meltzer for a while and he said I give out my email all the time and you'd be surprised, nobody ever reaches out. So that's one of the reasons I do it is because I'm not at the point where I can't handle emails yet and he has a team, but same here. If you're listening to this podcast and you ever need help, we will actually reply to you, because there's not as many people as courageous as you who are courageous enough to actually reach out. That's one of the other reasons I wanted to do this episode is I want people to feel empowered and again, it might not be us, it might be somebody else, but I want you to feel empowered to actually reach out and ask for help. I'm excited. I was on a podcast an amazing, just a sweet, sweet human being. We had a great podcast free call after and I said just let me know how I can help you, just let me know what I can do. And she said I will, I promise. She said I'll probably annoy you and I said you're gonna be fine, I promise you're gonna be good. And she messaged me like a week later and said hey, I have a couple ideas. Can I run and buy you? I said, yeah, send me some audio. It was cool. I connected her with one of my clients. They did an interview exchange and now she she has so much more knowledge about podcasting because she asked I love it. I love it, okay.
Speaker 1:Third thing, and then we'll obviously we'll dig deeper. Third thing make sure you actually receive the advice. It doesn't mean you have to take the advice. Receive the advice. You're at least sitting there listening to what the person is saying, regardless of if it's what, if it's what you wanted, maybe you went to get a different piece of feedback, maybe you went to get a different answer. You're not getting the answer you wanted. The person was nice enough to give you, hopefully, nice enough to give you the time of day. Just make sure you receive the advice that they're giving you. And here's the the overall thing.
Speaker 1:I think number one is the most important thing. Make sure it's the right person, because if it's not the right person, I don't know if the right energy matters, I don't know if the right intention matters, I don't know if the right question matters. I really, I think the person has a lot more to do with it than almost anything else and I wonder if that's why we're afraid to ask for help, because we haven't found a person that we feel safe asking for help yet. One of the questions I get asked very often on podcasts is how did you have the courage to reach out to Alan when you were debating suicide, when you're having suicidal ideations? And I said it's not like that, it's not. I said you don't. You don't build an umbrella when it's raining. You build the umbrella long before the storm and you carry it with you in case it rains.
Speaker 1:Alan and I had so many vulnerable conversations before then. That wasn't the first time it was. I was prepared for the storm more than I realized Now. I didn't know that was going to happen, but so much of our conversation before that was vulnerable and courageous that I just felt safe with you. I felt safe to reach out. I knew you wouldn't judge me. I didn't. I wasn't worried about that, I don't.
Speaker 1:The way I asked for help, I don't know. I don't think it was probably particularly good. I probably just shared how I was feeling. But I believe it really is the person more than anything. I really believe that now more than ever and I always go back to that quote If you, the level of the quality of your relationships is directly connected to the level of vulnerability in them. If you don't have a lot of very vulnerable relationships, it's going to be very hard for you to ask for vulnerable help. So I do think this could be another one of those conversations around do you have a circle that would actually lend itself to making this easier for you?
Speaker 2:Two stories I want to share that came up that I think are wildly powerful in hindsight. One time Kev sent me over a lead of someone who wanted to coach Kev's like oh no, and we'll call him Scott, We'll call him Scott. We'll call him Scott.
Speaker 2:Because that's his name and this call immediately was just triggering for me. It was late at night, like 8pm. I had worked a long day and I of course wanted more clients, but not these kinds of clients and Kev's like just give him. You know, I've been talking to him for a while, he seems like he might be interested and blah, and somehow the call went from and I don't take calls at 8pm on a Saturday for someone I've never met. Typically, you know, I have a certain service window. You want to book on the counter.
Speaker 2:There's usually layers of humility that need to be earned and I know that that probably sounds wrong, but at the end of the day I need to see humility before I do this. So I trusted Kev. He gives me a call direct line, direct call, and it's actually funny in hindsight. And somehow the conversation went from hey, I need a coach, I need your help, I want you to help me grow my business At least that's what I thought it was going to be too. Hey, why should I work with you? And it was one of those weird conversations and I know our listeners will resonate with the feeling where it's like wait a minute, how did this go from me giving you my time to try to help you to now. I'm like trying to sell you on my value, like one of those weird Miyagi gas lady. And I called Kevin after I was like dude, if you ever send me another F in person like that, I'm going to freak out. And it wasn't that bad. But I was so triggered by this, this A-hole, because he was one of those people of like hey, dance, alan, dance, dance for me. And I even got to the point where it's like I don't think you should coach with me, goodbye. And that was when I was starting to learn how much people do that weird dominance thing where they want to perceive themselves as better than you. I think at the end of the day, he was just a really lonely old guy who really likes to hear himself talk and he really liked the idea of me selling myself to him and it's a weird narcissistic thing that people have. I think it's him feeding his own ego, quite frankly, and I'm not here for that. Like goodbye, take care, Good luck. And now, many years later, I realize that that's what that is. So if you ever feel that energy, just wake up to it and be like wait a minute, why am I even on this phone call Like goodbye? And then here's the cool part you gain so much self-respect and then you just go do productive things that actually bring more demand. Anyway, you know you're better off. You're better off hanging up the phone of the pointless call and then putting in work that actually adds value in the world to people who are humble, and you'll actually win much better long-term that way.
Speaker 2:Okay, so that's number one, and the second story is about Brianna, who's a listener of this show, and I'll use first names only Awesome. Brianna hits me up and books on my calendar and I'm like, okay, cool, awesome, we got on the call. She's like yeah, listen, I make this amount of money, I'm in this career and I'm really thinking about making a shift into corporate. I know you had a lot of corporate experience. What do you think? And we just went into it and by the end of the call I said well, how long have you been listening to the show? Just so I understand. I don't want to reinvent the wheel here. How well do you know me? Essentially Because I don't want to regurgitate a bunch of stuff that she's already aware of. So if I know how many episodes you've listened to, I understand where your awareness is and we can we can not reinvent the wheel. She said ah, it's been been a while. I'm like how long.
Speaker 2:She's like ah, probably like a week, but I haven't missed an episode and I was like, oh, she's like, yeah, I just really struggle with confidence. No, you do not. No, you do not. You booked on my calendar in a week. I have people that couldn't do that after years of listening and that's okay. But she, she just has such high humility. Her humility is so high that she doesn't even think she's that confident. She's wicked confident man, but not ego confident, not like Scott Scott is just arrogant. He's just very entitled and very arrogant and very narcissistical and people probably think he's confident. He's definitely not. This other person, brianna, super confident, and I've actually had some back and forth with her. She's doing these different career moves, she's building resumes. It's awesome.
Speaker 2:I just think that a lot of what we thought, a lot of what I thought was wrong and what I thought was the person at the bar saying, hey, you want to get out of here? That's confident. I honestly think it's not. I just don't think it is.
Speaker 2:I think, if anything, it's entitlement and it's arrogance and it's dominant energy that wasn't earned versus the humility to say listen. I would really appreciate your help because I know that you've had a really successful career in corporate before the podcast and I'm considering making a jump and I looked at your LinkedIn and I really want to pick your brain. That's a very humble energy versus hey, why should I work with you? You shouldn't. You should leave this conversation and move on with your life, because I'm about to. I just don't want to deal with any of that stuff and, as a younger man, I would have fed into it, and fed into it, and fed into it and at I think it was like 30, at 30, I just started being like you know what? No, this is, this is over like click, but I'll help Brianna all day, you know, to a detriment.
Speaker 2:Someone who comes in with that level of humility, that level of taking action, that level of research, that level of thoughtfulness, I'll help those people all day. And so if there's any listeners out there who really do want help and Are willing to be uncomfortable and say you know what it's not weakness to ask for help, it's actually strength, it's actually confidence we will be able to sense like you're more confident than you think. Most people aren't willing to Put themselves down, quote, unquote, a peg in order to actually get help. I had dozens of mentors before I was successful Dozens, I'm not even kidding. Maybe even more than that. I Asked every person I met.
Speaker 2:We interviewed hundreds of people and asked them questions with tremendous humility. At one point we were writing notes we had five pages of notes per episode and then one of our friends reached out and said hey, you guys really need to. That's a, that's a bad credit hit. You know, you guys are amazing and you shouldn't be interviewing some of these people. And he was right in some regards, and then also not in others. But At the end of the day, humility looks different than I thought and I hope that that can illuminate Something for our listeners and the last thing this would be my next level nugget.
Speaker 1:I Believe the right people Actually want to help way more than you would think. One of the reasons they do what they do is so they can help you.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm and it doesn't mean they'll, you know, they might not be able to get back to you right away or whatever it may be. I was in the gym. I love helping people in the gym. I'm sure you've seen me do it. I love helping people in the gym. I'm a huge fan.
Speaker 1:I Was in the gym a couple weeks ago and there's this and I don't want to assume her age, but there's an older lady and I've seen her for as long as I've lived up here. I've seen her for probably over the past couple years, two years and and she was doing an exercise and I saw her and we started talking and I said I can show you if you want. I said it's up to you, I don't want it, I don't want to Infringe on you, but I can show you a Variation of what you're doing. It might target the muscle you're. You're looking to work a little bit better and maybe less elbow pain. She said, yeah, sure, I'd love to see. Then I showed her and I was jazzed. I was super happy.
Speaker 1:I love, I want to help, I would love to help. I'm always. That's why I was a personal trainer. I'm I. I always want to help. I want to help people wherever I am, so there's a lot of people out there that probably do want to help, and that's why I go back to. If it's the right person, you're probably gonna be much safer than you actually think genuinely.
Speaker 2:Last piece of this might Emilia said. She said, alan, you want to help people so badly that you'll even help people who are just trying to dominate you. And Because you want to help so badly, they're actually taking advantage of that, when all they really want to do is inflate their own ego. And Ever since she said that that was a while ago I've I've started to notice that. So when you do ask for help, make sure it's not someone like that, because genuinely asking for help is actually dangerous. There's a reason. It requires vulnerability, because when you ask for help, someone can very easily take advantage of that.
Speaker 2:And I just want to make sure that you're Pick someone who's high vibe and who's virtuous and who's humble and who really knows what they're talking about and who really it's an energy thing who isn't dominant if they're overly dominant and weird about it, you've got to. You got to let those red flags you know, alarm, sound the alarm and don't risk it. And I wish that I had someone to give me that advice when I was younger, because in hindsight I had dozens and dozens of mentors. Some of them were amazing in hindsight and some of them I never should have asked. And If I could go back in time, I'd say, alan, keep an eye out for the people that just want to inflate their own ego versus actually sincerely want to help you and Just trust your intuition more. Speaking of help, that's my next level nugget. That's your next level nugget. I assume it as much. Hold on.
Speaker 1:Speaking of help. Our next monthly meetup Is Thursday Tonight Friday no, it was yesterday, yeah, friday, sorry, sorry, I'm looking at the email with email was wrong because I Jeff the date. Yeah, it's tonight, it's Friday, so if you're listening to this tonight, is it? Is it the second First September 1st? Okay, so this is Thursday September 1st, that's why. Okay, friday September 1st. What does what?
Speaker 2:are you looking at?
Speaker 1:I'm looking at the email that came a minute ago. It was a while, oh yeah, yeah, that's that's on me because I Jeff's when we did the library.
Speaker 1:It's Friday, september 1st 2023, 6 pm Eastern time. We are talking about Dealing with the fear of judgment and rejection. So if there's any piece of you that when you think of asking for help, you're afraid of being judged, again I don't, I genuinely do not believe the right person will judge you. If they do judge you, it will be in a positive light of wow, good for you for really getting out there and Pouring into yourself and being courageous and brave. If your fear of, if you have any fear of rejection, again, if it's the right person, I'm sure they're gonna take the time of day We've. We've I'm sure they're gonna take the time of day we've. We've Talk to a lot of people and there's been some people that definitely have I Don't want to say upset me, but I definitely was less impressed after getting to know them, but I just don't think they were the right people.
Speaker 1:We've we met some really amazing people who are very, very successful, who Will get back to you. Evan Carmichael is a great example. I have clients all the time who say you know anybody big that would come on the podcast. I, evan Carmichael, said reach out to him, send him a video, he'll get back to you, are you know? He won't, no way. He most likely will. He gets back to Everybody. So, yeah, that's the meetup how to, or sorry, dealing with the fear of judgment and rejection. Friday, september 1st, 6 pm, eastern time. Well done, sir. Not really, but thank you, I appreciate it.
Speaker 2:You're welcome, Okay so this how do I follow that up? That's excellent. No, this episode was about how to actually ask for help. I'm trying to go to the heart here, hmm, how to actually ask for help. It requires a tremendous amount of humility, courage and vulnerability, which we are gonna talk about later this week. Taking a course shows humility, but it requires a little bit less risk, especially a free course.
Speaker 2:We have a free course called the next level thrive. The next level five to thrive. The next level five To thrive. And behind the scenes, by yourself, in private, you can learn the fundamentals that got Kevin and I here and that will require a lot less Vulnerability and courage of coming to us directly. So it's a free course. There is no risk. The only risk is you not doing it and not getting more clarity, more consistency, more commitment, more confidence and more community and learning how to do that. It's a really, really, really powerful course. It took 24 hours of Kevin and I's time 12 for mine, 12 for his to put this together for everybody, and then there's a workbook, or a guidebook, rather, that comes with it. It's a great, great, great opportunity for you to become more consistent in the direction of your dreams. So it's not a get rich quick scheme. There's none of that here at MID.
Speaker 1:How to make a million dollars in two days.
Speaker 2:How to make six million dollars in six minutes of your time yesterday. Yeah, no, none of that. It's the next level five to thrive.
Speaker 1:You should really check it out.
Speaker 2:It's okay, man, you should really check it out, and that's why it's going to be right next to our speaking, our speaking course.
Speaker 1:It'll be right next to that on the. It'll be the right of that tomorrow. Goodness For episode number 1,447, one trait that sabotages relationships Health, wealth and love. We're going to talk about love tomorrow. We did a little wealth earlier. This is this episode. Today was kind of health, mental health, confidence. So that's what we're going to talk about tomorrow. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.
Speaker 2:Keep asking for help Next up on Nation.
