Next Level University

#1459 - How Much Do You Trust Yourself?

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Occasionally, situations call for tough decisions, requiring us to trust our instincts or seek external advice.  In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros talk about the importance of self-awareness and humility and how they play a vital role in decision-making. They discuss the fine line between confidence and competence, and how understanding this difference can impact our decisions. They emphasize that it's okay to seek help, to listen to outside feedback, and, most importantly, to trust in our abilities.

Link mentioned:
Book a FREE call with Alan - https://bit.ly/3Wr6clL
The best way to track your habits is here! Download the app: Optimal - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/optimal/
Optimal Step-by-step Tutorial - https://youtu.be/twXmXFWG0Co

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Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com   

The best way to track your habits is here! Download the app: Optimal - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/optimal/   

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Show notes: 
[1:28] Kevin shares why they didn't leave for their trip
[8:23] Vulnerability in asking for help
[12:32] Nathan expresses his appreciation for the invaluable coaching services he received from Alan
[13:04] Leave the nest
[15:56] Level of confidence
[22:08] Check your level of self-trust
[25:46] Outro


Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode, episode number 1458. Are your expectations creating frustration Today? For episode number 1459, happy Thursday. How much do you trust yourself?

Speaker 1:

So, as I have mentioned in Wednesday's episode and, I believe, tuesday's episode, I'm supposed to be in Belgium. I think we'd actually be in London or Paris today, I don't know, but Taryn and I did not end up going on our trip. So we were supposed to leave Monday the fourth and I got a text from my mom on Saturday, the Saturday before, and she said hey, your grandmother fell. I found her on the bathroom floor when I got home from work and she broke her hip. And I told Taryn and I was like my grandmother fell, mima, and she broke her hip and she said what is this? What does that mean for everything? I said I don't know, I have no idea yet. I don't, I have no idea. This is the first I've gotten of this. I don't know any of this means yet. She's getting surgery tomorrow. We'll kind of see from there.

Speaker 1:

So she ended up getting surgery and after her surgery. Her heart rate was going all over the place. Her blood pressure was super low. She ended up getting not just pneumonia but double pneumonia. So she ended up getting moved into the ICU. So Taryn and I went and visited on Sunday. So we drove down Sunday morning and we spent some time down there and after seeing my grandmother and thinking to myself, okay, what I mean? A lot of things could happen here. Double pneumonia for somebody who's almost 90. That's not good. How old is Mima? 86. Soon to be 87. I believe she's either 86 or 87. And obviously that's pretty serious and when you're in the ICU that's not a good sign. The ICU is that's where you go when things are really, really bad.

Speaker 1:

So we left, taryn and I left, and we got in the car and we were driving home and I was shook. I was like I don't know. I don't know what to do. We obviously this is a piece of it, right we invested a lot of money into this trip and I'm afraid of that and I don't want to let Taryn down. I'm afraid of that and I don't want to let my family down. I'm afraid of that. So there's a lot of things going on in my mind and I told Taryn. I said I don't know what to do. I don't know. I can't imagine us not going on this trip, but I also can't imagine us not being close in case something happens. And I'm going through what would I regret more? And I'm just trying to figure it out.

Speaker 1:

So we ended up I got ice cream that night Because Taryn's like, why don't you get some ice cream on the way home? I'll run into Whole Foods and get you some ice cream. And I was like, yeah, the sweetest. And I said I'm going to call Alan. I got to call Alan and get some input and she said I figured you would. I figured at some stage you'd call Alan. So I called Alan, I texted him I think I texted you and said hey brother, I got something. I got to ask you. I think you're at the lake, but I'll call you in if you answer your answer. So I called Alan. He didn't answer because he was at the lake. And then I left him a voicemail and it was something along.

Speaker 2:

I don't even think I had my phone on me. Yeah, yeah, no, no worries.

Speaker 1:

It's something along the lines of explaining the situation to Alan and then saying I don't do, what do I do? I don't know what to do. And I ended up sitting with it and thinking and it was actually Taryn who really helped because she, when she came back in the car, she said I think we should cancel the trip. And I said you really want to do that? She said I think we have to. I think that's the best thing. She said I'm good with it. If you're good with it, we'll try to recoup as much money as we can. We got to be here just in case something happens, because I know you really regret that. You'd really really regret that. So we ended up, we ended up canceling the trip and I texted my mom and told her and I told my grandmother. My grandmother was mad at me, even though I knew she wouldn't be eventually. But the reason we're doing this episode and the reason I called Alan is because I didn't trust myself to make the decision.

Speaker 1:

In the beginning. I was thinking I don't know what would Taren do. Okay, that's what Taren would do. Okay, what would Alan do? I called Alan to see what Alan would do. I almost called Matt. I was going to call Matt and see what Matt would do. I was just looking for direction. I was looking. What I really think I was looking for is somebody to say the decision you want to make is okay, regardless of what the decision was really. But I did want to stay and that's where this episode came from. How much do you trust yourself?

Speaker 1:

It got to the point where, when Alan didn't answer the phone and Taren gave me her opinion, I said you know what? I'm going to text my mom, I'm going to text my grandmother and I'm going to say we're not going on the trip. And I knew my mom would tell me to go. I've never been. My mom doesn't guilt me into things. My grandmother doesn't guilt me into things. They tell me to go do my thing. But my mom was like you have to go. You have to go on this trip. Go on this trip. You'll regret it if you don't go on this trip. And I said I don't care, I'm not going. You guys can both be mad at me. I don't care, I'm not going. I have to do what's right for me and I believe this is what's right for me and I believe this is what's right for our family at the end of the day. So I didn't end up going and now Mima's out of the ICU and she's in rehab for a hip. So things are looking up and I'm very, very grateful for that.

Speaker 1:

But the thought is I had that moment where I said I just have to trust myself. And in this moment, me trusting myself is sending a difficult text message to my mom and saying look, I know you might be frustrated, I know Mima's going to be frustrated if I don't go on this trip, but Tara and I have already talked about it. We're good with it, we've come to terms with it and we trust the decision that we made and that's the way it's going to be Now. Compare that to I don't know three years ago, when I would literally text Alan and say hey, man, I'm about to send an email to a potential client. Can you look it over before I send it? Or hey, alan, I got a contract for the venue or something. Can you please take a look at it before I pay it? Or whatever it is.

Speaker 1:

I was always looking for support, direction, whatever it may be. Many of the times I was doing that. It was the right thing to do, because you had way more experience in that, so that made total sense. But now I send emails every day and involving amounts of money and all sorts of stuff. I don't really talk to you at all in the day anymore, and that's changed a lot. That's the thought in this episode. Do you trust yourself enough? Do you trust yourself too much? Do you make decisions without consulting people? Should you consult people more? Should you consult people less? I consulted people that I trusted and I ended up landing on the answer that I felt was right. But I can imagine in other scenarios, a less developed, mature version of Kevin might have made a different decision based on not wanting to reach out and help or reach out and ask for help. So that is today's episode on a nutshell.

Speaker 2:

So many things unpacked there, kevin. The first one is the level of humility, courage and vulnerability that it takes to ask for help. I think that's rare. I think it's probably rarer than I mean even you just admitting openly that you used to ask for support or help before sending an email. That's a very yeah, it's a vulnerable thing to do, a courageous thing to do.

Speaker 1:

You've sent more emails than I have, right? It made sense to me.

Speaker 2:

No, it does. It makes perfect sense and I appreciate it. It's just so weird, because most people wouldn't want to put themselves in a position where they have to admit that they're less competent than someone else in order to get help, and so I think what I wanted to share on this episode is the pendulum.

Speaker 2:

Here we talk about drive to five all the time. On one side of the pendulum you have people who don't believe in themselves enough and they don't believe they don't trust themselves, they don't have self-trust, they don't they don't trust themselves to make the choice. And then you have people on the far right side which trust themselves, regardless of their competence or their awareness or their capabilities. So I often use the example of a car. If my car breaks down, I trust my mechanic. I don't trust myself at all because I know my awareness in cars is zero. If this computer were to break, I would trust myself at probably an eight or a nine. And then I have a couple people that I would reach out to if I couldn't figure it out. I think this is all self-awareness. I think you had to have the self-awareness of I'm ready to make this choice and the humility of I'm going to ask for help as well, and so I do.

Speaker 2:

I believe some people out there never ask for help and they desperately need it. You know they're, they're struggling, they are addicted to drugs or alcohol, maybe they're addicted to food, they have a problem, they need a therapist, they need help, but they're too prideful, too stubborn, too arrogant in some cases to ask for help. They don't have the level of humility, courage and vulnerability most important vulnerability to be like listen I, you've done really well in this arena and I am not doing well. Can you please help me? And I think on the other end there's people who are super competent, super amazing, and they totally should just trust their own intuition and they should move forward and Shout out to Jerry and Jerry ends my new executive admin and I told her. She said we were on the phone earlier. I said, jerry, and I would rather you ask for forgiveness than for permission.

Speaker 2:

I'm momentum over everything I said. I understand that you're going to fail forward. I know you're going to make mistakes. I don't care, it's not a big deal. I would rather you not sit there and wait to make a choice like just, you are amazing, just run with it, just go with it. And if I notice something that is off or that I wouldn't have said or wouldn't have done, or I think you've made a mistake or something wasn't optimal, I'll just bring it up. It's all good, most likely 90% of the time you're going to make the right choice and we're going to gain momentum because you're not going to be sitting there waiting for me because, quite frankly, I'm not going to be able to respond as as much as you're going to need. And so I think that's.

Speaker 2:

The question here is, I think early in the journey, kevin was probably not confident enough and probably didn't trust himself enough, and now you trust yourself all the time and, I think, probably the right amount, because sometimes you still ask for help but other times you don't, and I think all of us need to check in with where am I in this? Emilia? I'll ask her for advice pretty regularly actually, and then she'll usually give me advice of what do you think you know, what do you think you should do, or you already know the answer. And then other times it's not that it's you know, I think you should probably do this, and it's going to the right person at the right time and it's knowing when you already know the best choice.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I would say one of the reasons I feel like I've evolved a lot in the last year, year and a half, and one of the reasons is because I've been able to leave the nest for lack of better phrasing, where you and I used to do, we would do an episode together every single day. We would do a live podcast every single week. So we were doing that together. That was pretty much a speech Group coaching together every other week. We meet up every single month. At least one team call whether it's out here, jeffing or the team huddle every week and for a long time we were interviewing guests together. We were going on shows together. We were doing speeches together. We were doing events together. When I started to do my own thing for lack of better phrasing, I didn't have to check in and say, hey, what do you think of this? Now, there are benefits to that, for sure. There's also detriments. I probably made mistakes that I wouldn't have made if I was still doing it with you, but that I really think there is a key to this that connects to confidence that I never really understood, if confidence, if a piece of confidence, is being able or having the capability to figure something out, because I think that's a piece of confidence. How confident are you can pick this lock? It's like I could probably figure it out. Okay cool, you're probably somewhat confident. If somebody is there and you have to use them as training wheels, I think it's hard to build the confidence until I won't say it's hard to build the confidence. You can build confidence that way, but it's not until they give you the push and you're on your own on a bicycle and you're staying up by yourself that you understand how it really works. I think because I've done. I went to Florida by myself to do a speech on podcasting. I never, I never expected that. I loved it. I loved doing it by myself because I felt like I could trust myself. I can go to the airport and do all that and do this Airbnb and do this rental car thing and go to the venue and all that. That's going to be fun. I've done this enough times. I don't know what that means, whether you're watching or listening. Maybe it's time to check in on that when.

Speaker 1:

Imagine this. Imagine you get a new job and you only get one week of training and it's not enough. When you start going on your own, you don't trust yourself at all and you don't think you know what you're doing, or you end up getting eight weeks of training and by the end of it it's like I know what I'm doing. I don't need this person to train me. Where are you in your life and where are you experiencing this? For me, it all happened by accident with this trip. That's where a lot of this came from this guy. I have a lot of trust in myself compared to what I used to. If I didn't have that experience, I don't know if I would have checked in on this. My next level nugget would be where can you check in on this for yourself and what kind of progress or lack thereof do you see?

Speaker 2:

I think that everyone's on the end of overly confident or underly confident. We've talked about that countless times on this podcast. Some people are more confident than they probably should be. They're more confident than they are competent. I've been on that side many times. And then other people are less confident than they are competent. In the beginning you were less confident. No, no, no. You were probably pretty on point with the level of competence and confidence. We joke about the email and sales call where we lost a big client. I had said don't do that. You did.

Speaker 1:

That's fun for me. I got this dude, I'll handle it 1500 or nothing.

Speaker 2:

There's the door. Oh okay, See you Never talk to us again. That's just hilarious to me, honestly. But now I think you're more competent than you are confident in some cases. The podcast thing for sure, I knew you were going to crush it. Everyone's either over or under. All you have to do is ask yourself I think you know, I think you know the marathon. I was less competent than I was confident. The half marathon was easy. The full marathon was awful. It was like so much worse than I thought. So I was more confident than I was competent. I think now in podcasting, I'm probably more competent than I am confident.

Speaker 2:

And one thing that, yeah, thank you. I think it's a weird end for me to be on on the drive to five. I'm not used to this end because it's like I intellectually know I'm a strong speaker, but I'm also more aware of how far I have to go, so it's been interesting. But Check in with yourselves. Where are you at with these things? And If you think you're more confident than you are competent, you probably should humble yourself and ask for help. And Then, if you ask someone who is aware of where you're at, they're gonna tell you you, you're good, you got this, like I did with Jerry in, or like I've done with you. There was a time in our journey where it was like dude, you're good, you don't even have to ask. I remember you and I were about to go on Evan Carmichael's YouTube channel and I was like Kev, I don't think you need notes, man, don't worry about notes, it's canvas. And I said you're ready, you are, and I think we did a really good job. I was terrified.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And it went well. I think it went well. Three back Excuse me for context three back-to-back interviews, supposed to be four. No notes, lights, camera action go back to back to back to back and I think we did a good job. But if we had started out that way and just been like odd, Kev. No need for notes, just roll in. I feel like that would be arrogant.

Speaker 1:

I Went on a show recently where it was very. It was that the person was like I know I'm a strong interviewer, I know I'm really good at this, and it's like the truth is, you're not as good as you think.

Speaker 1:

Yeah you're not, you're not nearly. And again, I'm not gonna say that because I don't. I don't want to be rude and it's not my place to say that, but I've also met people where I get off. I Said that to somebody the other day. I was like you're amazing at this. You got to believe in yourself a little bit more. Yeah, you're good, you're good. Stop over thinking everything you do, you're really good at this. You're really good at this.

Speaker 2:

And that's another reason you're not just saying that you have the data exactly. That's why I try to tell people it's so important.

Speaker 1:

I don't have your limiting beliefs, I have my own. I have my own limiting beliefs. I'm not saying I don't have any, they're not yours. Yeah, they're not yours. It's.

Speaker 1:

That's why outside feedback is so important. If your thought is, I could never find a partner and and somebody around you knows how amazing you are, they say what do you mean? Of course you can. Just because you haven't yet doesn't mean you never can, especially if you continue doing things the way you are. You might never, but you you got to put yourself out there. Come on, what are we doing? Let's go out. That's wonderful, because that person doesn't have the same limiting beliefs you have. So that's another Beautiful thing of having people around you. That's that's why the community is so important, because I could have reached out to a bunch of people. I chose to reach out to one and Taryn to, because I trusted that, and I've reached out to those people for their opinions many, many times before and I haven't been steered wrong, to my knowledge. I'm sure I Heard things I didn't want to hear, but it doesn't mean it's wrong.

Speaker 2:

What do you think? Why do you think most people don't do that, don't ask for. I Don't think that's common.

Speaker 1:

It does feel like going back to what episode was it? Tuesday's episode? Hiding from something doesn't make it go away, it does, it seems. It seems weak. I could see how. I Could see how somebody from the outside perspective would be like oh you got a text. You got a text, alan, to see. I Could see how that would come off as a weakness.

Speaker 2:

You don't have to, though you are choosing to, and I think that's the important distinction is yeah.

Speaker 1:

It's not like I can't move forward without texting Alan.

Speaker 2:

No more like I want his input. Yeah, but it's a pattern, it's a pattern.

Speaker 1:

So I can see if somebody said, oh, you got a text, alan, oh, you're gonna text Alan again. I can see how somebody would would see that and think of it as Weakness, but I do. I think it's a strength, because if I'm making a better decision, isn't that a good thing? I think so. Maybe I have looked weak in the week in the past, but I don't think so because I think that was the right thing to do. I don't I don't know how to send an email to a mentor who I Don't know. I've never had a mentor before I and I don't send emails that often I'm gonna bomb this whole thing. I'm gonna take this right off the trail. See her, if you let me do this. So yeah, there's there's a reason. There's a reason. There's a pilot and a co-pilot and there's a reason. A new pilot doesn't fly the plane by themselves. There's a reason. There's reasons for all of that because they're not ready. They don't have the, the trust yet. They don't have the trust to handle the situation yet.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so check in. What's your level of self-trust? Is it more than it should be and you should really Humble yourself and get some mentors and get people that know more than you around you or is it not enough? And you, you're ready to fly? I think that's the next level, nugget Talking a lot about flying.

Speaker 1:

Tomorrow's episode, I'm gonna talk about flying as well planes, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Trains and automobiles.

Speaker 1:

You know it, next level nation if you are looking for a coach.

Speaker 2:

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. You didn't give a next level, I get.

Speaker 1:

I get my next level nugget early, son. Oh yeah, you're probably floating off in allen land, you know. I don't remember what I don't remember. I was in flow. Exactly, I was in flow, but whether you're watching or listening, you remember I gave you one, but probably about 13 minutes in so, because I had an 11 minute epic prologue, monologue, monologue, and then I went into my next level. Nugget, you were probably I don't know what's for dinner tonight. You're probably thinking about the crock pot. I'm chicken or rice tonight. What do you have it?

Speaker 2:

That yeah. Is it ready? Is it cooked?

Speaker 1:

The rice is not that's what I can tell. Kitchen. Yeah, you can tell that's how I. Next level nation big leg day tonight. Okay, good for you, good for you. Big, big chest day for me this morning. Next level nation. If you are looking for a coach, you should reach out to allen. Hmm, I've had many coaches Not as many as allen. I've had many coaches and I am blessed because I have had every day free coaching for the last six years. I've had to pay with pieces of my sanity Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual for sure but allen's the best coach I've ever had the opportunity to be on the other side of a coaching call with. So if you're looking for a coach and you listen to this podcast, I would suggest allen. Even over myself, believe it or not, I'm a darn good coach, but allen connects dots in ways that I am just not capable of doing. So we'll have allen's free 30 minute link in the show notes, and if you've ever wanted to connect with allen behind the scenes, now is a great time to do it.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, brother, you're very welcome, thank you.

Speaker 2:

I uh it's my favorite thing in the world helping people succeed so I hope that I get to help you succeed and whatever that success means to you. It's not. Everyone has different goals, so I have completely forgotten what I'm plugging you're gonna talk about. Oh, the app, oh my god, optimal. So another thing that I do every single day other than Mentor and coach kev and mastermind with kev, which I guess isn't really every day, but it's pretty off pretty much, pretty much every day, if you want to track habits and this is something we do in my coaching as well so if you want to coach with me, we will be tracking habits.

Speaker 2:

Fyi, so we have an app called optimal, and the idea of optimal is to Essentially make sure you have optimal habits in the direction of your goals and dreams. I use it every single day. If you go to my instagram story or my facebook story, every single day, you will see hashtag habit tracking, hashtag 1 improvement per day and you can see the screenshot of the green light, yellow light, red light. Did I do it? Did I kind of do it? Did I not do it? It's simple, it's clear, it's powerful. So click the link in the show notes to check it out. We have a whole landing page, we've got a video and you can download the app and track your habits.

Speaker 1:

Tomorrow for episode number 1460. It'll be a happy frayé, one powerful way to overcome your Fear. We've talked a lot about fears and how, for most of us, fears become a fence that we do not ever get to the other side of. So hopefully in tomorrow's episode, we can help you get on the other side of that fence. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at nlu we do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2:

Trust your damn self. Next civilization.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host