Next Level University

#1467 - A New Reframe On Judgment

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Ready to shatter your understanding of judgment? Discover how being judged can actually mean being noticed, leading to recognition and appreciation.  In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros talk about the idea of how our personal growth can be both noticed and judged. They discuss that our perception of others' achievements and criticisms is often a reflection of our personal beliefs and insecurities. This idea might seem challenging to digest, but it's one that can unlock profound self-awareness. The ability to understand how our perception of others is influenced by our own insecurities and beliefs can be a powerful tool for personal growth.

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Show notes: 
[4:57] It takes time
[6:23] Staying in the comfort zone
[9:01] Noticed, recognized and appreciated
[11:51] Bianca, the co-founder and COO of Evolve Ventures, talks about Alan's unwavering support as her coach and the profound impact of mentorship on her life
[13:29] Pouring belief into someone else's dreams
[18:41] Don't villainize inspiration
[23:01] You can't matter and avoid criticism
[25:35] Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level university, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode, episode number 1466 what your boundaries teach you about yourself. If you didn't listen. Your boundaries Teach you what is important to you, what you value more than the thing that you're setting a boundary towards today. Repsa number 1,467 a new reframe on judgment.

Speaker 1:

We were on a team meeting Two weeks ago yeah, two weeks ago, because it's every other week and one of the things that we talk about often on the team Trainings or calls or coat I'm sure you do with coaching calls as well is judgment. How, in our community, on the team, growth is Normal. It's normal to be growing. It's normal to be trying to understand your ego. It's normal to be vulnerable. All of that is just normal. That's day-to-day life, especially on the team and our business.

Speaker 1:

And Somebody was talking about how they've grown a lot, but they've actually gotten villainized for their growth, and Alan said something along the lines of well, one day They'll notice, one day They'll actually notice how much you've grown. And then we had this conversation around if you are getting judged, you probably are getting noticed. But I think there's three layers of Judgment and I think the three layers of judgment are noticing, so being noticed, being recognized and then being appreciated. So when we had a conversation about this when I came down, you're like give me an example. I don't really understand, like help me, help me get this to land. And I said I don't know, I don't know if I have a good example. The best example I can think of is when Taryn comes home. Say Taryn leaves and goes and gets her hair done. She might come home and say hey, do you notice anything different about me?

Speaker 1:

It's my dad should get her hair did. I might say, yeah, yeah, your hair is different, your hair looks different. Something about it is different. I notice that it's different. The next layer of that would be me saying oh yeah, I can. I can tell that you got blonde highlights. I can tell that you got curls. I can tell that you got whatever. Right, I don't know, I'm not a hair expert and the Appreciation is I think it looks really, really, really good. That's the best I've ever seen, your hair. I love that. You should do that more.

Speaker 1:

A New reframe on judgment is if you're being judged, you're being noticed but you might not be recognized and or appreciated yet. And If you do get to the point where you're getting judged and You're starting to get noticed and then you stop doing the thing that brought the judgment in the first place, you may never get to the place where you're recognized or appreciated. We got a lot of judgment in the beginning of this. We got noticed. Somebody said this on the team yesterday. They said I went to a, a get-together, a. Well, I don't remember what it was. Was it a party or a?

Speaker 2:

I don't remember what it was somebody went to a get went to a.

Speaker 1:

Engagement party, engagement party. So somebody on the team went to an engagement party. They popped their head in to say hi, and One of their friends was very honest with them and was talking about how there were people there talking crap about him. Oh, he's gonna do this again and he's gonna do that again and he's gonna do this and oh, I wonder what he's up to now. Blah, blah, blah. If he Allowed that to stop him from doing what he's doing with us and being on the team, that would be. Just he got noticed for doing that.

Speaker 1:

Eventually, a Year, two years, five years, five years down the line, that person will most likely not only recognize all of the growth, but they will probably appreciate it too. But it just takes time. It takes time. We've said this many times. You're, you're gonna be judged. Sometimes it'll be positive. So if you listen to us and you like what we talk about, you are judging us, but maybe you appreciate us. Where somebody else might notice our podcast and we just might not be for them, I would argue that we're all that way to certain people and we're appreciated by some, we're noticed by others, we're recognized by some, but if the second, you get the judgment because you're being noticed, you run away from that. Unfortunately, you're probably never gonna see the upsides of being judged in the first place.

Speaker 2:

I want to add one criticized, because what Kevin's really articulating there very well is You're getting noticed no matter what. When you're doing something different, when you're doing something significant, when you're doing something Outside the norm, it does get noticed and you might get recognized and appreciated for it by some people, or you might get criticized by other people, and if you are not willing to be criticized by some people, you'll never get recognized and appreciated by others. And I think that that's kind of the frame is we all stay in this little comfort zone of, well, I Don't want to do something that's too far out of left field, because I don't want my peers to ostracize me or to criticize me, but also because of that, I'm not actually Recognized and appreciated as much as I want to be either. I Think that's an interesting thing, kev is, we want to have an impact, we want to Help others, we want to make a difference, we want to live a life of significance and of meaning, but in a way, it's impossible to do that if you're not willing to Take both sides of the pendulum and say, okay, I'm gonna go do this podcast, I'm gonna go do this speech, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna start posting on Instagram these, these reels that I think are Valuable, but I know I'm gonna get criticized by my family. If you want to have an impact on one side, you're gonna have to get criticized on the other. It's impossible for you to act in a movie or Create a feature film or start a podcast without some people criticizing you, whether it's behind your back or not.

Speaker 2:

Brandon on the team, you wouldn't mind me sharing this. He's the one who went to that engagement party and His friend, who really cares about him, sat him down and said listen, some of the people here are making fun of you behind your back and he said it's okay, it's, it's okay. You know. You can tell me it's all good because this other person didn't want to hurt Brandon. Brandon is doing a miles for mindset challenge. I think he's coming up on a year a Year, every single day, of running a mile. He calls it miles for mindset. So he runs a mile a day and he thinks about his life, which is awesome right so.

Speaker 2:

I right, unbelievable. So I notice that, I Recognize that and I appreciate that because the work ethic to run a mile every day for a year is insane and I appreciate work ethic. For people who don't appreciate work ethic that might just get criticized. Why would you ever do that? What's the point? That's so stupid. You think you're awesome, but whatever it is. But if if Brandon wants to get noticed, recognized and appreciated by someone like me or someone like Kevin, he's gonna have to risk being criticized by his past friends. And I do believe that it is impossible to have a positive impact Without some small percentage or large percentage of the population criticizing.

Speaker 1:

I Wonder if you could connect, noticed, recognized and appreciated to different levels of confidence. So this is a philosophical question can you? Can you really appreciate something you don't understand? Only to the level that you understand it right. So you go to. I'm just adjusting something here up top. I'm trying to. I'm trying to. We're still dealing with a lot of audio issues. So there's just a lot of I'm trying to. We're still dealing with a lot of audio issues. So there's mayhem over here. Still, if you go to an art museum and you see a painting and you don't Appreciate that, you're not gonna understand it. And I'm saying that to myself.

Speaker 2:

No, the other way around.

Speaker 1:

If you don't understand it, you're not gonna appreciate not gonna appreciate it, yeah right, and I think I would say I Would say, if I was five year ago or six year ago, kev, I might have noticed Brandon, for example, and that might have triggered me. And that's where the judgment comes from I'm triggered that you're doing something that I don't know if I can do and rather than say, hey, man, you're really crushing it, dude, that's awesome. I really. That inspires me to do better. The the person unfortunately decided to make fun of him because Whatever is going on, better about them not doing things.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, where somebody who Looks up to Brandon would appreciate that. For sure, I appreciate that. I think that's awesome. That's amazing. I'm not out here running a mile every day. I think it's awesome, not gonna do it.

Speaker 2:

Well, let's dig into that, because I Think there's a fundamental thing here that I've never fully understood, but I'm starting to starting to, which is, to me, when someone's doing something positive, like running a mile a day, miles for mindset, like on what planet is that not awesome for everyone In my head? Because when I was a little kid, I would have looked up to a man who did something like that. Hmm, I Would have. I was looking. I mean, when where I grew up, there was no one who ran a mile a day, there was no one who was into personal development, there was no personal growth whatsoever, you know, I would have always been inspired by that kind of thing. I think I've always been inspired by achievement and inspired by People that do great things. Yeah, why do you believe other people aren't?

Speaker 1:

What is a mirror for inspiration is also a mirror for lack of belief, for stagnation, for regret, this. I was on a podcast yesterday and we were talking about ego and I had this. It just made sense, for not for the first time, but it made sense at a level that it never has before. I said the ego is really good at protecting you from things that you're not ready to see yet. Yeah, it's really good at that. That's probably what's happening. Maybe Underneath that oh, is he still doing that miles from mindset thing? Maybe there is a, there's an unconscious thing of.

Speaker 1:

I have my own trauma that I haven't figured out, and Brandon is very clearly working through his own stuff. I can't, I cannot Throw positivity at that. Yet I Can understand that. Like I said before, self-improvement. Before all this, before the podcast, I was the guy who used to say it must be nice, it must be nice to have that car or whatever it is. It wasn't because I was negative, it wasn't because I was toxic, it was because I didn't believe in myself. And if it's very hard to pour belief into somebody else's dreams and you don't believe in your own, and I think that's just, that's just what it is?

Speaker 2:

Is it an envy thing underneath all of this? Is it is. Is that person deep down unconsciously jealous that Brandon can Can do something like that?

Speaker 1:

There's probably some to that. Yeah, it's. It's very clear that he's trending upwards. I Mean, if you looked at it, brandon's trajectory For over the last what do we say three years. He started an LU in December of 2020. Yeah, coming up on three years, he's a different human than he was in the beginning. Right, some people are gonna wreck, notice that and say, oh, he's changed. Oh, I missed the old brand. That's gonna happen. I think that's gonna happen, no matter what. Yeah, other people probably recognized and said, wow, that's awesome, good for him, good for him. And then there's probably people who appreciated it because they're actually benefiting from it. Maybe that's another thing too. It's very hard to I won't say it's very hard. You might find it challenging to benefit, to appreciate something you're not benefiting from, especially if it's directly impacting you and your own self-worth. I Would, I would argue that's one of the reasons you get villainized as much as you do. It's just it's hard to. It's probably hard to appreciate you if they don't understand you. I Appreciate you more as I understand you more.

Speaker 1:

In the very beginning, the I didn't appreciate you or recognize you. I noticed you like, ah, this guy is on the beach again and he's always talking into his phone. What are we doing here? What's happening? Then, when I interviewed you I was probably before that, when I started hanging out with you and you and I would spend a little bit more time together and go to the gym I started to recognize you. It's like, ah, there's more to this dude behind the scenes, interesting, okay. And then, eventually, when we started to get to the gym, eventually, when we started working together, I started to appreciate you more. Maybe that there's something to that. If I, if I have fallen victim to noticing, recognizing and appreciating others based on the understanding I have of them, I can empathize with anybody else who has done it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I've told that story before. I know we get a jump. I've told that story before about when I was in one of my darkest moments. I was a sophomore in college and I was drinking too much and too often and I wasn't into fitness and I was frail and it was just a time in my life where I wasn't taking care of myself. And there was this guy's name was Matt and he was so inspiring and he was jacked and he was good-looking and he was charismatic and he was funny and he was a good guy and he was wealthy and he came from a wealthy family and he had this beautiful girlfriend, he had this awesome life and I was super inspired by that. But I remember when we first saw each other, I was in such a dark place and he was such a bright light that I actually had to like go and kind of sulk. I had to like leave the room. And I never villainized him, though I never did. There was never any part of me that was like oh f him, he's just a cocky asshole. It was not that. It was sad for me, happy for him. What would it take for me to be like that? And then I started going to the gym after that, you know, and ten years later I've shared the story.

Speaker 2:

Before I was at a wedding and this was when I was a fitness model, fitness coach, fitness competitor and I ran into him still jacked, still a good-looking, still hilarious and a good guy and he's like dude, those fitness shows you're doing, oh my god, I could never do that. And I was like Matt, you're the guy, of course you could do that. In my head it's like, oh my god, am I like inspiring you? Now this is, this is a trip, because he doesn't know, but he was so much of my inspiration, you know, and I tried to tell him that I was like Matt, of course you could. I mean, come on, man, you could probably step on stage right now.

Speaker 2:

You know, obviously not right now, because we were at a wedding, but I never villainized, but I do get, I'm starting to get, I'm trying to get that. The reason why is because I did believe in myself. It's not like I believed it was impossible for me and to me. I was always looking for inspiration. I've always looked for inspiration everywhere and I like bright lights. That's why I wear the star around my neck. Is we all need inspiration. All the time I'm, I'm consistently looking for inspiration. That's why.

Speaker 2:

I have so many books behind me those inspire me. All the time. I have, you know, a Kobe Bryant book. I I respect his work ethic, so Kobe Bryant's work ethic inspires me. I just always am looking for inspiration. But the interesting thing is that if you're villainizing people that are doing incredible things and, trust me, if you're gonna villainize some someone, villainize bullies. Villainize people that are toxic. Villainize people that are suppressing people. Villainize people that are attacking people. Villainize people that are that are trying to overly be dominant and toxic toward others.

Speaker 2:

Villainize bullies, but don't villainize inspiration, I mean we need more of that, I think, and that's again, that's my belief. But I could see. I don't even know if I can say it out loud. I can't, I can't see it. I've never. I don't know. I've villainized bullies for sure. That's not hard. I have some people in my head where it's like, oh, you are the worst, but never Matt. That's the man, big fan, huge fan. Want to see him win. I don't know. That's just, I don't know. I've always been someone who needs inspiration from other people, always.

Speaker 1:

Well, I think there's abundance. There's abundance in that If you're in a scarce place, maybe it's not as easy to find that. I can see it. I can see it. I don't support it, but I can understand why somebody would be there. I can. So what do we do about?

Speaker 2:

it. What would someone in that position do if you find yourself villainizing?

Speaker 1:

Ask yourself why. Is this a me thing or is this a them thing? Is Brandon terrible because he runs a mile every day and decided to name it miles for mindset and has other people running? Is that terrible? That's a terrible thing? No, that's not a terrible thing, but it might make you feel a certain way about yourself. It might make you feel a certain way, and that's okay. It's okay to feel that, but you got to figure out what that feeling means to you. That's what self-awareness is. That's what self-awareness is Like Alan.

Speaker 1:

There's been times where you're will be on an interview and it's like oh, alan is much smarter than I am. That's not your problem, that's not your fault, it's not a bad thing. Why is that bad? But it can feel bad. For me, it doesn't mean it really. Is that why?

Speaker 1:

Asking yourself why I've been doing that a lot, luckily, gratefully, over the last, however many years, and that's that's a common thing for me is is this a me thing or is this a them thing? Are they making me feel a certain way or am I feeling a certain way because of something they are? That's worked really well for me, but you got to sit with it Because I think the initial, the initial thought pattern is Alan's, it's Alan's fault, he's the worst. And then eventually, maybe it's it's Alan's fault, I don't know, maybe maybe it's his fault, I don't know. I got to sit with this and then eventually it's.

Speaker 1:

I feel a certain way when Alan says this, but let me look into what that actually means. And then eventually it might be. I get insecure around Alan because of blank Right and then eventually it's. I'd really like to share with Alan that I get insecure around him because of blank and then eventually the insecurity goes away because it's not real. And you've already talked about it. I think that's kind of you and I's relationship in a nutshell. Over however many years the last 46 years we've been together working you know what I mean.

Speaker 2:

Do you dig it, I do. It was good, no.

Speaker 1:

next level nuggets though there was a whole thing was an excellent nuggets that understand. My next level nugget is understand that if you're being noticed, you're probably on the right track. We this would be my next level nugget Would you rather be judged? Or and when I say judged I mean recognized, seen, appreciated, noticed or not? I would argue most of us would like to be noticed because we get significance from that. But for all the significance you get, there's going to be an unfortunate downside in the beginning and throughout. We're appreciated by many of you who listen to this every single day, and I'm eternally grateful for that. We've also gotten some very negative reviews and there are certain people who are not for us and we're not for them. So that's my next level nugget.

Speaker 2:

My next level nugget is after my car accident, when I thought I was going to die and I didn't, I had my second chance that my father never had. I remember sitting in an armchair contemplating my life, wondering if I mattered, like if that was it, would I have mattered? And my next level, nugget, is you can't matter and avoid criticism, because if you matter, you're going to get noticed. And if you get noticed, some people who are in a dark place are going to criticize and other people will be inspired. Like you know, I'm grateful Matt was jacked. It inspired me, it got me in the gym, it made me better and I guarantee you some people were criticizing him for sure. Of course, how dare you be so awesome? You know that kind of thing, but for me that's never resonated. So hopefully, hopefully, all of you can, all of us really can find inspiration in things like Brandon's doing, because that's how the world's going to be a better place, for sure.

Speaker 1:

Next level nation. If you have not joined our private Facebook group yet, called next level nation, go figure, please do. We'll have the link in the show notes in all of our communities, whether it's the monthly meetup, group, coaching, all the stuff we have going on. But especially next level nation, this is where you can be yourself. This is where you can talk about the fact that you've run a mile every single day for your mindset over the last year, which is world class. There's not a lot of people that are doing that. We have really connected the dots to the fact that a lot of people are afraid to share the amazing things they're doing because a lot of people are noticing and then tearing them down. Next Level Nation will never be a place where you have to worry about that. We're all about love, we're all about support, we're all about kindness and we're all about giving you the credit that you deserve. So please join if you haven't yet and you are interested in feeling those feelings.

Speaker 2:

We had several team members who have come up on over a year of exercise and they purposely didn't post about their year 365 days in a row of consistent exercise because they were afraid to be torn down. So Next Level Nation is the place where we don't allow that. We have booted people. We will continue to boot people. No bullies allowed. No bullies allowed. Also, we have just finished, by the way, congratulations to Group 11. Ignite, they just graduated and Group 12 is starting on October 10th. It's a group of 10 like-minded people. Again, no bullies allowed. If you want to be better, get around better people. It's going to be magnificent. So the link will be in the show notes. Also, you can email Kevin or myself, alan at nextleveluniversecom. Kevin at nextleveluniversecom, ask for the promo code. It's for listeners of this show and it will give you 30% off, which brings the price to less than $97 per month for the three months, tomorrow for episode number 1468, where is your self-esteem really coming from?

Speaker 1:

We did an episode on self-worth, self-esteem a few months ago and we said, you know what, we should probably do a part two of that episode at some point, and I figured now is as good a time as ever. So we will do that tomorrow for episode number 1468. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2:

Go get noticed. Next level nation Nice, that's good.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host