Next Level University

#1482 - The Fear Of Missing Out And What To Do About It

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Do you ever feel like you're missing out on something better? That's FOMO or Fear of Missing Out. In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros talk about defining your core values and interests to understand what you want versus what you think you want. They discuss the 'the grass is always greener' concept, emphasizing that even seemingly perfect situations have their battles. They also point out how it's essential to consider if we would have FOMO for the process. This perspective helps us recognize the realities behind the seemingly glamorous outcomes and keeps us grounded in our journey.

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Show notes: 
[2:40] What is FOMO and how to handle it
[8:50] FOMO for the good parts
[12:53] Alex highlights how Next Level Business Solutions helped him optimize his time for maximum productivity
[14:44] Have FOMO of the process
[18:29] FOMO over the cake, not the baking
[20:00] A positive reframe of FOMO
[23:02] Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level university, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode, episode number 1481. What really motivates you Today for episode number 1482, happy Saturday, the fear of missing out and what to do about it. So, as I mentioned in the previous episode, we did a FOMO episode years ago and it did really, really well. So it seems like that was something that resonated with the audience and I figured we haven't done one like that in a minute, so let's do it.

Speaker 1:

And when I'm thinking of FOMO, I always think of this. I have had these days where I am sitting in this office and it feels like the walls are closing in on me and I will be posting on Facebook and I'll see someone who is in the Bahamas Sipping a mojito in a nice cold pool somewhere and I have this moment of Mmm, I really wish I could be there and I have that FOMO of I Feel like I'm missing out on that. Or when I see I Saw one of my buddies was golfing today and I had that moment where it was like it's Friday, 67 degrees out. I'm not good at golf. I'm atrocious and it's more frustrating than anything for me. But I had a little FOMO of like, hmm, imagine that just being at the golf course, what do you even? Where's your phone? You don't check your phone or anything. No emails, like well, that'd be like it'd be awesome. So I had a little bit of FOMO.

Speaker 1:

So this episode is the fear of missing out and what to do about it. This is always what I try to do. I Try to sit with it for a second and say don't Allow yourself to get FOMO for something that you don't actually value in the first place. Your mind is really, really, really good at playing tricks on you Really good. I said it in that I don't like golf. I don't really want to go golfing, but my mind is thinking that'd be pretty nice. It would be pretty nice to have a nice easy day, that would be nice. So I think that's where the FOMO comes in.

Speaker 1:

And then, do I really want to go to a tropical island, sit in a pool and sip a mojito? No, I really don't. That's not my style of Vacation. That's not really what I Aspire to, nest, necessarily. So this is what I would say you have to check in with your core beliefs. You have to check in with your interests. You have to check in with your core values. You have to check in with Do I this would be my early, preemptive, next-level nugget Do I like the idea of this thing Far more than I would actually like the experience of this thing, and if you have FOMO over something like that, I think you probably end up regretful if you did it. That's my frame for this episode and that's why I wanted to do it, because I would probably, if I took Friday off and went Golfing, I would regret that hundred percent, 100%. If I took Friday off and went on a great date with Tara and I wouldn't regret that. That would be different.

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1:

So if I was to see somebody out on a Friday doing an amazing date and I had FOMO, that might be more aligned FOMO than somebody at a party or whatever it may be. And here's the other thing too, and maybe, maybe, this will resonate with you, alan, I used to watch. Have you ever seen the movie beer fest?

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm, very low vibe way back, way way back early 2000s that movie used to give me massive FOMO about like going to a party and raging and drinking. I never liked that. I never liked that. The idea of it sounds really good. The practice of it was never something I really enjoyed because I always felt like kind of an outcast. So If the idea of something is creating FOMO but the reality of actually doing it wouldn't fulfill you, I think the FOMO is tricking you.

Speaker 2:

I I remember I heard this story in a book I was reading. I forget which book, but it talked about imagine someone walking on the sidewalk it's a really hot, humid day and they're exercising and they're kind of miserable, but someone else is watching them Looking oh, that looks like such a nice walk. And On that walk that person looks up and sees a plane up in the sky and and thinks, oh, that must be so nice flying over the clouds. But then it zooms into that person and there's like no room and they're cramped on a little airplane and they're eating their peanuts and they open the bag and the peanuts spill everywhere and the plane is hot and maybe the person next to them is sweating and smells.

Speaker 2:

The point that that story is trying to make land is the grass is always greener, and Kevin and I we interviewed someone I don't remember who said this. I really don't and I think it's a saying, but the grass is greener where you water it. And so this idea Kevin mentioned this earlier the idea of going golfing might be something that I have FOMO for or think I desire, but actually golfing is frustrating. I used to golf as a kid. We live near a golf course. It's super frustrating. Slice the ball into the woods and even that person who is sipping a mojito next to the pool, kev travel is a huge pain in the ass. It's a big difference.

Speaker 2:

It's such a pain in the butt the airport, the flights late, the delayed okay, new flight You're sitting on a plane for seven hours or whatever to get there and then you check into your hotel. It's travel is remember. Every post you see on Instagram or on Facebook, every success that you see someone celebrating was created by someone who had to crawl through the mud to get there. That's just a fundamental principle. And when Kevin mentioned earlier the idea of golfing is more fun than actually golfing, or the idea of being on that tropical beach is more exciting than actually being there, what he really is saying is that I remember when I was in my mid-20s and is actually towards my late 20s and I was dating someone who did some modeling, and I only hung out with this person for a short time, but I remember saying you like the idea of being a model more than actually being one, and what I mean by that is that you're actually really insecure and you don't like being on camera and you don't like posting those photos and you don't like the negative comments that you get and you don't like this. You don't want a life like this. You like the idea of being a model more than what it actually takes to be a model, and I think that a lot of us fall victim to that same idea.

Speaker 2:

It's like, okay, I wanna be in the NBA one day, national Basketball Association, but do you wanna play basketball? Every holiday and every weekend? Those kinda games just got started because that's when people watch basketball, that's when they're home, so all the athletes the professional athletes, the baseball players, basketball players, football players a lot of them are gone every weekend and every holiday, and the reason why is because that's when most people are at home watching television. The market is watching TV when they're home during Thanksgiving, so all the football players are on the field. That's gotta suck. That's gotta suck. And then all the travel, being away from home nine months out of the year. The point is is that, yeah, being a professional athlete is probably really awesome. It probably is but there's stuff that comes with it that definitely is not. And so if you're gonna have FOMO, trust me, you most likely have the FOMO for the good parts. You don't have FOMO for the crappy parts, and there's always crappy parts underneath the good parts, because that's the way it works.

Speaker 1:

It's one of those surface level things. You see the pleasure. You don't see the stuff that created the pleasure, necessarily. Or you see someone's version of pleasure which isn't really your own. That it's the perspective of. You see a moment of pleasure and you assume you'd be feeling the same amount of pleasure as that person in that moment. And I don't think that's always the case, can you? I don't know.

Speaker 1:

I suppose if you got really honest with yourself and said, okay, well, I do feel like I'm missing out on something. What is it that I'm actually missing out on, is it? I don't feel like I have the abundance to do something like that, okay. I don't feel like I have the close enough circle where they'd come travel with me, okay. I don't feel like I have the confidence in my body to post that picture like that, okay. I think there's a lot of lessons from FOMO, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's that thing. It doesn't necessarily mean if you were to throw a dart to hit the board, it would hit that board and be like that's the exact thing I have FOMO about. It's me being on a renting a cabana in a beach city somewhere in South America, drinking every day, with no responsibilities in this and this and this and this. It might just be the things that make that up. There was shout out to Heather if Heather is listening, I did a podcast pre-call the other day with someone named Heather's very, very sweet, and she said I got a little insecure.

Speaker 1:

So when I realized you were coming on the show, I was like, oh cool, kevin has a great story. I think that'll be a powerful episode. But when I researched you and found out how successful you guys were and how successful your show was, I got pretty nervous and I was like trust me, I am the least high maintenance person you're gonna meet. I am just a regular dude. You're gonna be fine, you're gonna be absolutely fine. And at one point she said my goal is to be where you are five years from today and I have had a week. It has been just a tough week for me. It's been a tough week for the kid.

Speaker 1:

A lot of feedback and it gave me perspective of you're having FOMO, my day-to-day, where I have FOMO of some of the stuff you're probably going through right now, because I know what it was like Six months in. It was a simpler time now. What I trade that, no, I love where we are, but it's almost like Can you really have FOMO for something that you've really deeply Experienced and you know the positives and negatives of I don't know? To Alan's points like yeah, I have a client right now who lives in Bali. They live in Bali for like three or four months out of the year.

Speaker 2:

That sounds pretty cool.

Speaker 1:

That sounds pretty cool. I've heard a lot of cool things about Bali, indonesia. That's like a really nice place. And she messaged me. She texted me today and said hey, I can't, I can't meet Saturday. I I'm really struggling with the time difference between myself, you and my co-host, because I'm 12 hours ahead. My co-host is 15 hours behind me and you're 12 hours behind me. And she said I can't wait till I leave. Then I got a text message later and she said good news, I'm leaving this weekend. You know how many people want to go to Bali, so many people, so I do. I think it's that perspective of you really don't know the downside of something until you Experience it for long enough. Now I'm not telling you not to try things. I think we should all try stuff. I think that's an important part of life. You figure out what you like, what you don't. But I Would say FOMO is not necessarily a good measurement for how fulfilled you'll be doing something. That's another excellent nugget.

Speaker 2:

My next level nugget is when you, when you see Something on social media or something out in the world. This is a simple example. I Was at the lake a month ago with Emilia, her family and then her little sister's boyfriend, jonathan, and he gave me a lot of compliments when I was shirtless by the lake. They called me muscles and I appreciated that and that's awesome and I work really hard for that. I work kind of hard for that.

Speaker 2:

No, I'm kidding, but when someone takes their shirt off at the beach and they're ripped or they're in great shape, it's easy to have FOMO. Why wouldn't you? By the way, being in shape is the best thing ever. It's amazing and, trust me, I've been wildly out of shape. So I'm saying this from the place of being on both ends, presupposing you actually think I'm in shape. But why wouldn't you have FOMO if being in shape, being in shape is awesome, a lot of the things that is required of you to actually build that. So he said muscles, you know, awesome, that's great. You weight train. I appreciate it and I appreciate the FOMO, and I know I would have FOMO too back when I wasn't in as good of shape and I'm not saying Jonathan's out of shape, by the way. So, jonathan, if you're listening, don't worry. But my point is, of course, you're going to have FOMO of the result. The results are awesome. The results are awesome. I was on the pontoon boat and there was this other group of youngsters. I say youngsters now. Oh my God.

Speaker 1:

I was thinking the same thing.

Speaker 2:

Right. There's this other pontoon boat and this dude on this other pontoon boat was jacked, ripped, really good physique, very inspiring, and I had FOMO, for sure, a little bit. And then I was like, oh okay, but that dude's also in his early 20s. That dude probably works out two hours a day and he's probably tracking calories. He's probably doing bodybuilding shows and he's probably I mean, he was real lean, he was lean, I'm talking eight pack. You can see every. He's hungry, yes, exactly Super hungry. He probably doesn't drink. He's probably the only one on that boat not drinking and I just know what it takes to get that.

Speaker 2:

So when I have FOMO, I also try to look at what's the process underneath that, because it's easy to see someone in shape or see someone in a great relationship, or see someone who's wealthy and be like, oh, fomo, that must be so nice. But you've got to understand the process to get there. The climb from one level to the next level, to the next level, to the next level was probably pretty terrible and I just think, if we can remember that and this will be the last thing I'll say this is the real next level nugget. I think it's dangerous to choose a result where the process is something that you don't enjoy at all.

Speaker 2:

Now, I don't enjoy every part of my day. I don't. A lot of it's difficult, a lot of it I don't want to do. Sometimes I want to quit early or start late. That's the truth. But when I'm coaching it's something that I it's almost like you have to reverse it and say I kind of dislike coaching less than I dislike other stuff. Even when it sucks, even when it's hard, I still kind of like it and I'm always grateful after I do it. So, whatever results that you have FOMO of, try to look at the process and say would I have FOMO of the process to get that? Because most likely no. I mean, going to Bali sounds great, but the actual getting there is probably terrible and it's like a 15 hour flight, or something.

Speaker 2:

That's what I'm saying. No one wants to go on a 15 hour flight.

Speaker 1:

I'm sure some people yeah, I'm not the one.

Speaker 2:

Same yeah, you don't like planes at all.

Speaker 1:

I can't imagine being up in the sky for that long.

Speaker 2:

I can't fall asleep and wake up there. You could I'm sure you could pull it off 15 hours. I'll probably wake up eight hours. I'd wake up after an eight hour sleep and they'd be like I'd be like how much more till we land Eight more hours.

Speaker 1:

Damn. Now what? Yeah, that's rough. That's all you had there.

Speaker 2:

That's the end of the next level nugget.

Speaker 1:

That was a really good next level nugget, because that's kind of the direction I was going to go. I was trying to think of a what is it when you FOMO, f-o-m-o, like, what is that? When you have letters that represent the word, you don't have the whole word? Acronym, acronym, homonym, acronym, I believe, acronym, I think so.

Speaker 1:

Okay well whatever it is, I was trying to create one for the desire to achieve results. I don't know, I'll have to think about it. Let me think about it. But I would second that we, often we have FOMO over the cake, not the process of baking it, usually Because you don't get to see that, unless you like baking in which case you get both Then you're winning, then you're winning. Then you're winning yeah, and that means that's your thing. I don't like baking, I do like eating.

Speaker 2:

I have a client who a team member actually shout out to Laura Loves baking Awesome. I love eating Perfect. But if she loves eating and baking that's a win-win. So in the dream, if you can find those things, you're going to be in a much better spot for sure.

Speaker 1:

Speaking of great spots. To be for sure, as Alan said, please join our private Facebook group, next Level Nation, if you haven't yet, I know. This month, so September we are off to a giant start in terms of listens and views More listens and there's a lot of new listeners. So if you are interested in finding a community of like-minded people who are into growth, they're into understanding themselves at a deeper level, self-awareness, all of that stuff Next Level Nation is a wonderful place for you. It's totally free and the reason the group is private is not to be exclusive, to keep you out. It's to make sure when you get in the group, you feel safe, you know that there are not going to be people judging everything you post. And I know a lot of us feel like we're different. We feel like, oh, I'm into growth and I'm into evolution and I want to talk about weird stuff, but I don't always feel safe doing it. I promise Next Level Nation is a safe place to do it. Link will be in the show notes below.

Speaker 2:

I thought of a reframe. Okay, fomo, fascination of missing out.

Speaker 1:

Woo Interesting Right, so every time you get FOMO six out of ten.

Speaker 2:

I'm fascinated. It's FOMO. Whenever, whenever any of our listeners or viewers get FOMO, be fascinated of missing out Meaning. What is it? I used to call it chasing your envy. What is it about that that you actually do want? I like that and what is it about that that you might not want?

Speaker 2:

So for those of you who have been with us for a long time, you know we've done 11 groups of group coaching. For those of you who are new listeners, we do a program called group coaching. It is a 90 day program. It's six biweekly sessions. We are actually bringing back biweekly office hours. There's an assistant coach. There's Kevin and myself. It is a very, very, very, very valuable program.

Speaker 2:

Group 12 is launching on Tuesday. Okay, these sessions are every other Tuesday, starting on October 10th, which is this upcoming Tuesday, At 6pm Eastern Standard Time. Again, we record them and we upload them to a private Google Drive folder only for the group members, In case you were to miss a session. We hope that you join us. If you are interested, we put the promo code in the show notes. It is NLU listener. All one word. That'll give you 30% off. It comes to less than $97 per month for the three month program and we promise you that you will make your money back and then some over the long term with what you learn in the program. One of the modules is wealth creation.

Speaker 1:

So imagine this so office hours for those who might not know, kind of like a reflection session. I think we should name it Reflection session.

Speaker 2:

I think we're calling it connection call.

Speaker 1:

Whatever it is, office hours is just an opportunity for you to meet with Amy or Jesse Amy, in this case, I believe, amy, the wonderful Amy L and go over what you've learned and what you've practiced in between the calls. So, for that $96 a month, you're going to end up getting a call every single week, which is wild. So imagine that Not only so you're getting a call basically for $25, but you're also getting all this extra knowledge, access to the app, private WhatsApp group, all of that stuff Very, very affordable, because we want to make things accessible to all of our amazing family members at NLU. So tomorrow for episode number 1400 and sorry, yeah, 1483. I didn't update it yet, so I'm just winging it.

Speaker 1:

What's the most powerful thing you've learned about yourself recently? Alan and I had a deep ass conversation last night after the monthly meetup and I learned something about myself that quite literally changed my life in the blink of an eye. So I'm very excited to share that and hopefully, when you leave tomorrow's episode, you will know something more about yourself, because self-awareness is an opportunity for growth. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you at NLU. We've got a fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2:

Stay fascinated of missing out Next time on Asia.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host