Next Level University

#1494 - Regret Can Come From The Right Decisions, Too

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Have you ever experienced the fear of the unknown as you leave a job or end a relationship? You're not alone. We've all been in those shoes, feeling the gnaw of regret clouding our minds. In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros talk about the stages of a growth journey—from surface-level conversations to the harsh trials of transition, culminating in the ultimate alignment. They discuss how stepping into uncharted territories can be emotionally draining, but remember, it's all worth it. They also touch on how we use our imagination to foresee the future and prepare for the outcomes of our decisions.

Digital Asset: The Growth Journey: https://bit.ly/3S3ILzq

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Show notes:
 [2:20] Uncertainty creates regret
[9:03] Tradeoff of pain and discomfort
[9:58] The Growth Journey
[13:33] Nicole shares how Kevin and the Next Level Podcast Solutions team seamlessly help her with her podcast and provide a fantastic experience. 
[19:29] You have to take the risk   
[26:54] Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode, episode number 1493. Growth can be lonely. Thank you for listening to me complain about my growing pains Today for episode number 1494, regret can come from the right decisions too.

Speaker 1:

I think oftentimes when we're thinking of regret, we think of making the wrong decision and then looking back on it with a new sense of awareness and saying, wow, I really wish I didn't make that choice or that decision. But regret can come from the right decisions too, in the short run. So think of if you have ever been in a relationship that wasn't serving you and you got to the place where either you left the person, you left the relationship, the person left you, you departed the relationship immeccably, whatever. I think many of us have that moment of regret saying, oh no, I think I made the wrong decision. Or maybe you left a job that absolutely made you miserable. I had this moment when I left my job. I had a moment where I said, oh my goodness, I just made the biggest mistake ever and I regretted it for a short time.

Speaker 1:

I think the reason that happens is because when we make a new decision, regardless of whether it's the right decision or the wrong decision, we're faced with uncertainty, even if it's uncertainty of opportunity. I think that's what creates the regret it's uncertainty of I don't know what's going to happen versus the certainty of misalignment, and I really think that is why it's very, it's very common to make emotional decisions. When you regret something because you want to get out of regret as fast as you can, so say, you finally work up the courage to have a tough conversation with your partner and you say hey, I've been thinking about this for a while, I don't think this is working anymore. I think it would probably serve me and it would probably serve you at a deep level if we just went our own separate ways and we found people who could meet our needs in a more sustainable way and I'm sure that's how it usually goes, hypothetically.

Speaker 1:

Hypothetically, let's say that's how you said it, and you have that next day when you wake up and you're moving stuff out, or a week later when the person texts you and says, hey, what's the Netflix password? I don't remember you might have that regret and say, was it really that bad? Though? I mean it sure. It sure was better than me sleeping on the mattress that's on the floor in this new apartment and having no furniture. It was better than that. So the uncertainty of what the future is going to hold oftentimes it forces us to revert to the certainty of something that was misaligned in the first place, and I think that's that's where regret comes from, even when you make the right decision. I had I told you this, alan, for the newer listeners, for the newer listeners Purchased a new car a few months ago four months ago, I think and when I left the dealership, only that long ago, I think it was June.

Speaker 2:

Everything's going by so fast man. Oh, wait so slow, but also so slow. Yeah, yeah, it's like the day-to-day is really fast, but then you look back it's only been three, four months. Yeah, that's insane.

Speaker 1:

I feel like you had that BMW for years, say. But I had a moment when I left the dealership, oh, oh yeah, I was crying because of gratitude. I was like I cannot believe this is my vehicle now. This is the wildest thing ever. I cannot. I just got this thing off the showroom. Oh my goodness, what is my life? And I remember when I got home I was like I just made the biggest mistake of my life. Oh my god.

Speaker 2:

I don't know if I want this.

Speaker 1:

I don't know. I don't know if I'm ever gonna be able to enjoy this thing. I might be miserable every time I get it. Now, greatfully that that hasn't been the case, but I regretted it, even though I know it was the right decision for me. I got to drive that bad boy in Pittsburgh. Yeah, I was terrified when we went to Pittsburgh. Not not, I wasn't terrified of your driving, but remember that the driveway. How sketchy that driveway was. If you live in Pittsburgh, you'll know this better than I. But the way the houses are set up in many neighborhoods in Pittsburgh- there's mayhem it's mayhem and there's just street parking.

Speaker 1:

But there's like this alley behind that has a driveway in the alley. When I say there was no extra room, there was no extra room, it was sketchy risky game getting up there but All of that to say I've left jobs and I've had regret, even though it was 1000% the right decision.

Speaker 1:

I've left the relationships and I've had regret, even though it 10,000% was the right decision, and I've made purchases of things that I do believe were the right decision, but I still had some sort of regret around it. It's the certainty of Misalignment Versus the uncertainty of opportunity. I really think that's what happens if you have regret when you make a positive, constructive decision.

Speaker 2:

Kevin and I talk about heart driven but no BS. On this podcast. We haven't been talking about it as much, but for the new listeners that's Sort of our mantra heart driven but no BS, meaning we're trying to help you, but we also want to help you with unpleasant truths. One of the unpleasant truths that we share in this podcast is if you do what's easy, your life will most likely be hard. If you do what's hard, your life will be Easier. In this case, I think, better, not easier, and Oftentimes I recently did this game. My coaching calls probably sound really funny at this point. I play this game with my clients called true, false, semi-true, and me and my client close our eyes on zoom and and I say true or false, true, false, semi-true and then I just say these statements and it's me collecting data. Really I Blank, am the most fulfilled version of myself that I've ever been True. Okay, I blank in maximizing my potential more than I ever have.

Speaker 1:

True.

Speaker 2:

And then, eventually, there's some semi-truths in there, and occasionally there's a false almost never with a false and the reason why I do that is because one of the questions that I always ask is fulfillment. Now, I think the two best teachers are fulfillment and regret. Right now, we're talking about regret when you make a choice, when you're deeply unfulfilled in a relationship, or you're deeply unfulfilled at work, or you're deeply unfulfilled with that business, or there's something outside of alignment. I believe fulfillment is the soul's recognition of alignment with your highest calling, with your highest potential, with your highest contribution. I really do believe that, and I've got a ton of data to back that up, because I coach people all over the world.

Speaker 2:

Now, my goal with my coaching, essentially, is to get you in alignment Inalignment with your highest self, inalignment with your highest business success, inalignment with your highest fitness success. Okay, so here's the problem, though In order to get you in alignment, we have to break away from the old train tracks that you were on, and the old train tracks that you were on are comfortable. They're the known, they're the certain train tracks, they're the ones that you know, the job that you know, the job that you can do easily, the job that pays the bills, the relationship that you know, the relationship where you're not really passionately in love anymore but you would much rather stay there in comfort than have to get a new place, or buy a new house, or break up the kids and the family or whatever, get a divorce, get a separation agreement, you name it. And so what I'm trying to do in my coaching is essentially bring you into more alignment. But usually when you realign with a new, higher calling, you have to break ties with something in the past and that can be really, really painful. To Kevin's point, even though it might be the right choice, it doesn't mean it's not painful. As a matter of fact, the right choice might actually be more painful, at least short term. So this is my thesis Every choice that you make that is toward your highest calling, aka your best, most fulfilled, rich, dynamic, positive life, I actually think is going to require a trade off, and the trade off is I have to accept short term pain and discomfort for long term gain and fulfillment. And so to your point, kev you leave that, you leave, you leave that relationship or you leave that job, and then you get the pain up front. It's short term pain because it wasn't all bad. Not everything about the job you hated, the money was good, not everything about the relationship you didn't like. And then you're alone, you're in lonely land.

Speaker 2:

So my beautiful girlfriend, emilia, created this thing called the growth journey. It's a digital asset, just picture of mountain, and there's three sections of this mountain. Okay, the first and, by the way, every story, every book, every movie is kind of built on the three act structure and this is sort of the deal. So think of your favorite movie as well. So first is Old World.

Speaker 2:

Old World is not inspiring. It's lower vibe. There's not a lot of goals or aspirations, it's usually surface level conversations. You know how are you good? You know same old, same old. What are you doing this week? And that kind of thing.

Speaker 2:

Time is mostly spent distracted. It's usually with old friends with an old purpose. It's usually a lot of people that aren't super accountable. They don't take a ton of responsibility for their life. Again, I'm reading off Emilia's asset Guilt trips and peer pressure is very common In Old World. There's a lot of guilt trips and peer pressure. It's usually a group of peers or people that are kind of stuck and they don't want anyone else to not be stuck and they don't know that everyone's stuck. And it's the analogy here, as as crude as this might sound, is the crabs in a bucket. It's kind of like all the crabs could get out if they work together, but instead they just pull each other down.

Speaker 2:

And To make this more practical, by the way, I was on the phone with a client recently one of my favorite clients, just unbelievable young man, and I said here's the thing I Went from middle school to high school, which was old world, to new world, and that was a really hard transition for me. Then I went from high school to college. That was another old world to new world transition, really hard for me. I remember being like whoa, how do I, how do I do? Well, here I Went from the smart kid to oh my god, everyone's a genius. Then I went from college to corporate, which is another old world to new world transition. Then I went from corporate to entrepreneurship, which was a whole nother level, and so I went through these levels. Right, I went through Middle school to high school, high school to college, college to corporate, corporate to entrepreneurship.

Speaker 2:

I said listen, you're 18 years old, you're amazing, but you jumped from high school to entrepreneurship. So you skipped some serious levels and I'm proud of you and I'm gonna help you every step of the way and I know he can handle it. But don't get it twisted. You are gonna be so lonely right now Because how many other people do that? Very, very few people go from high school straight to entrepreneurship. That's awesome, that's a unicorn level thing. But don't get it twisted. Your peers are not gonna get you. There's not a lot of 18 year olds that are starting companies. You know that's a statistical anomaly, that's a that's a wonderful thing. So just keep that in mind when I'm reading this. So old world is Not inspiring.

Speaker 2:

Lower vibes surface conversations, no goals and aspirations, old friends, old purpose, not a lot of responsibility, tons of guilt trips. Usually people poke fun at your growth and there's a lot of nostalgia talking about the past more than anything, not a lot of talk about the future. And Then the next is lonely land, and this is what Kevin's talking about when he talks about regret. Lonely land is next, which is picture the mountain. It's the next layer, next level. Okay, the first leap of faith risking all known love, comfort and sense of security, sense of self from those you've ever, only ever, known and there's huge perceived social risk to this. So deciding not to go to college, kev, deciding not to go to college and start a company instead with my client big social risk. Okay, now here's lonely land, and this is Emilia's description Lots of mirrors.

Speaker 2:

You're constantly questioning your self-worth. So picture after that breakup, or after that job, or after that whatever. Okay, lots of mirrors questioning your self-worth and questioning your belonging in the world, not really sure who you are. Yet you haven't really found your tribe yet. It's high risk without a supportive community yet and You're reverting back to old world tendencies, habits and communities because it's more comfortable.

Speaker 2:

So, for me, I broke up with the next girlfriend and then I went back and I went back, and I went back because I was so afraid of being alone. Okay, so that's lonely land. And, by the way, this is not unique to you, this is not unique to Kevin, this is not unique to me, this is a human experience. And even if you picture a movie, it's the old world. And then something tragic happens, like in Batman his parents get killed and then he gets kicked into New World and has to deal with lonely land first, that kind of thing. Okay, last last part.

Speaker 2:

Then there's a second leap of faith that's required, assuming you can handle lonely land.

Speaker 2:

There's a second leap of faith that you can embark on, risk of not being worth another leap, but believing it'll be worth it if you do, leaping with stronger confidence and increased faith.

Speaker 2:

So you've survived lonely land and this is what New world can be like, can be if you stick with it, if you can pull through the regret that Kevin was referring to. Okay, focused on attracting your tribe and unbothered by those who try to misalign you, heavy faith in the process and self has led to the component effect of your growth, exponential and sometimes painful growth for those you choose to keep around you from old world. And then you're now a leader with new responsibilities, influence and self power through self-awareness. So Kevin and I will use Kev. He was at an old job. He made six figures six figures, the most money he'd ever made and he decided to start a podcast. Starts a podcast and I don't know, maybe four or five, six months in he's on the road, wants to be podcasting, is still stuck at that job. Texts me with suicidal ideation and again, correct me if I'm wrong about the syntax of the story.

Speaker 1:

I don't know if the timeline's right, but it's okay if it's not.

Speaker 2:

Okay, you were in Lonely Land of Elwere. You were kind of stuck between two worlds. Definitely you wanted to be doing the podcast, but that was also scary because you didn't have money. You weren't making money from the podcast yet, but you were making money from Old World, yes, and you wanted to make the leap of faith and you were basically stuck in Lonely Land where you're still working in Old World, the old job, but you're also trying to go into New World, which is this podcasting thing and the new industry and personal development and all that stuff.

Speaker 2:

And so one of the examples of a story that Kevin shares is going to the Brenda Burchard event and that was basically something that helped him ignite New World and realize that he does have personal development and that there are people and he does fit in and that kind of thing. So that was a big trip for us. And then eventually he quits his job and goes all in on the podcast. But then there's another form of Lonely Land which is being broke and not knowing how to make money, and he stuck with it, stuck with it, stuck with it and then eventually now he lives this new world where he next level university is the new world. We've rebranded from hyper conscious to next level university. For those of us who are new listeners, and now all of our dreams can come true here. But if he had stayed at that old job? There's no way that's possible. But when he did leave his job, there was definitely that Lonely Land moment of oh my God, I might have just made the biggest mistake ever of all time.

Speaker 1:

Uncertainty and extreme certainty, I think, create regret, because all all you, if you have regret in the moment of something you've done in the past, is because you have extreme certainty that it was the wrong choice. It's just, it's now I'm certain. It's like oh, okay, yeah, that was. Yeah, that wasn't the right choice, okay, I really should have done that differently.

Speaker 1:

Or when you have no certainty of what the future is going to hold, you cling on to the certainty that you once had, and I think that's that's the unfortunate reason why many of us stay in situations that don't serve us, myself included in the past. For sure, because you've heard the quote the devil you know is better than the devil you don't. That's all they're saying. All they're saying is the certainty of unhappiness is better than the uncertainty of who knows what, even though logically it's not, but emotionally it makes sense. Emotionally it makes sense To a degree, I guess. I mean if you said, I don't know, you're gonna put one hand on the stove and there's four burners, so you gotta put one hand on the stove and the one you put it on is burning you, and I said really quickly, you can put on any other one you want. I can't tell you if it's gonna be hotter or colder. It might actually be hotter.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to bet you probably would you probably tested out. So maybe it's not as a logical slash, as un-emotional.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but what if you said you have to keep your hand on the new one? So let's say you have?

Speaker 1:

a warm burner.

Speaker 2:

Let's say you have a warm burner that's kind of hurting you but it's tolerable. And then there's three other burners. One of them is hotter than that one, That'll actually burn you. One of them is awesome and the other one's freezing cold and you have to take a risk and say, okay, I can't tell you which burner it's gonna be. It could be hotter, it could be freezing cold and even more painful, or it could be amazing, and that's that whole grasses always greener thing, but the first one would have to be burning you though.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, slightly, but maybe it's like it's like reasonably burning you versus the new one might actually really burn you?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's like boiling. I'm curious to know.

Speaker 2:

Further, the really really hot one is going to be really really hot, but eventually it's going to get nice and normal Because at the end of the day, the new job, the new career, the new entrepreneurial endeavor, the new business, the new relationship, lonely land is going to burn you and it's going to be super painful, but eventually.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. It might be wonderful Eventually the water cools down because you heat up. Exactly In a way In this analogy at least, I don't know if it works that way, where'd? It go. I'm very curious to know what the numbers would be If you put 100 people in that situation. And obviously there wasn't going to be any massive pain you're not going to get physically injured but I'd be very curious to know what would the breakout of those 100 people would be, because I think that would be a very interesting study for sure.

Speaker 2:

I would encourage everyone. What did you?

Speaker 1:

say Maybe one day we can do it. We can find 100 people and conduct a study.

Speaker 2:

We'll conduct a study. We'll make an R&D department and we'll conduct a study.

Speaker 1:

Is that research and development? Yes, sir, nice. You know where I learned that from no, but long before I was this business owner that I am the dark knight when he talks about where all the money has been going R&D. Then I was like, oh, what's R&D? Oh, research and development, that man's good, it's education. You dig Speaking.

Speaker 2:

Put your next level, nugget good stuff. Oh my goodness.

Speaker 1:

My next level nugget would be that the uncertainty. If you feel regret, even though you believe at a deep level you made the right decision. I would argue that you're more, you're currently more nervous about the future uncertainty than you were. The unaligned uncertainty of what you just left, and it's completely understandable. It makes total sense. We've all experienced it in some way, shape or form.

Speaker 2:

This is why most of us and this is my next level nugget this is why most of us don't transform until we hit some sort of massive rock bottom.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we usually don't change until the pain of not changing is great enough, and sometimes that takes too long. So sometimes you might have to manufacture your own pain, and Emilia and I are talking a lot about something called a pain agitator. She says she wishes we could have an app where you could type in your habits, like what you do on a daily basis, and then it could tell you where you'll be in five, 10, 15, 20, 30, 40 years, and then it will give you the pain or the pleasure in advance, so that maybe you can make that move now. Think about smoking cigarettes, something as simple as that. If I could show you what that's gonna do to your lungs in 20 years, you would probably quit.

Speaker 2:

But we can't necessarily project that far into the future. Not everybody can. So I'm convinced that that's one of the things that has helped me tremendously is I just look 5, 10, 15, 20 years in the future and I go, oh, I have to change this. I mean, we just had a conversation right before this where I have to make a change. I know that because I'm not gonna hit my goal if I don't, and it's the pain of that. It's great enough to actually make the move. So that's my next level. Nugget is pain agitator Pain agitator Next level nation.

Speaker 1:

As you know, every single month, the first Thursday of the month, we have a free monthly meetup. It will always be free. I can't anticipate ever wanting to charge money for it, who knows? But yeah, I doubt it. This month for our 23rd, so almost two years in a row. How to communicate a vulnerable truth? Thursday, november 2nd, from 6 to 7 Eastern time. This is one of those opportunities where you can just show up and be yourself. You don't have to have your camera on, you don't have to participate, you can literally just be a fly on the wall if you want. Or you can say you know what, I'm going to go in with the intention of getting outside of my comfort zone and maybe I'm gonna ask a question in front of the group. Whatever it may be, these calls are not recorded. They are totally private. So you can be safe, you can be vulnerable and you can be your authentic self. If you, how do we? I always forget the email you or is the link in the show notes? The?

Speaker 2:

meetup always. Link will be in the show notes.

Speaker 1:

Good sir, it always, it always jests me.

Speaker 2:

We have a landing page on the website for monthly meetups. Yes, Yep.

Speaker 2:

And then there's a little form where you put your name in your email and then it emails me. Link will be in the show notes. Long story long, the link will be in the show notes. Also, if you, similar to that other client that I anonymously described, want to start, grow or scale your business, monetize your business, I help a lot of business owners from all different industries, all different countries, all different backgrounds. I've, at this point I've accumulated over 100 clients. I know that, and not all at once, obviously over the course of my coaching career, but the majority of them have been either business owners or aspiring business owners. So if you are looking for that, I can help you. Kevin and I have started and grown our own business. We're going to surpass the half million dollar per year mark eventually probably mid next year, most likely and we didn't get there because we didn't know what we were doing.

Speaker 2:

I got there because, yeah, we kind of didn't know what we were doing but we learned along the way.

Speaker 1:

I got there because you told me what to do. So, Okay, perfect Well.

Speaker 2:

I've been studying business since I was a little kid. I'm obsessed with it. I always have been, and I'm going to help you grow your business and achieve your dreams. So please email me, alan at nextleveluniversecom. My email is in the show notes. Just say hey, I want in, I want you to be my business coach. I promise you seriously, statistically speaking, I am the most affordable business coach I've ever personally seen, to a drastic extent. So it is more affordable than you think. Please reach out.

Speaker 1:

Tomorrow for episode number 1,495, we are creeping up on 1500. Next week we will be there. Should you fake it till you make it? I now more than ever think that the vast majority of people that you see on a day-to-day basis are probably faking it more than you realize. Someone asked me yesterday on a podcast. They said what makes you guys and your business different? And I said we try it to the maximum amount to lead by example.

Speaker 1:

The reason we do an episode every day is because we want to be in the pocket of our audience every day and if we say you can get a little bit better every day, I better be there trying to help you get a little bit better every day. So I would say we're on the very, very low end of faking it till we make it. But that hasn't always been the case for me. When I was younger I'm sure I did. So we'll dive into that tomorrow for episode number 1,495. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and an NLU. We do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2:

Keep learning from regret. Next elimination.

Speaker 1:

Boom. Good one, it was a good one. It's a good little topic.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host