Next Level University

#1502 - We Judge OURSELVES More Than Others Judge Us

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Insecurities can feel like a burden, creating fear and holding us back from fully enjoying life. In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros talk about transforming these insecurities into strengths and using them as stepping stones to personal growth and fulfillment. They discuss how we often judge ourselves more harshly than others do. By setting big goals, owning our insecurities, and shifting our focus from self-consciousness to others-consciousness, we can turn our fears into strengths and embrace life with grace and ease.

Links mentioned:
Next Level Monthly Meetup: https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

The best way to track your habits is here! Download the app: Optimal - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/optimal/
Optimal Step-by-step Tutorial - https://youtu.be/twXmXFWG0Co 

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Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com   

The best way to track your habits is here! Download the app: Optimal - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/optimal/   

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Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on LinkedIn, Instagram, or via email

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

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Show notes:
[1:30] The unsaid agreement
[3:13] Take pride and have fun outside your comfort zone
[4:46] Others-conscious vs. self-conscious
[5:21] Making insecurities lesser
[7:41] Choose your mountains
[8:25] John talks about his phenomenal experience working with Kevin and the Next Level Podcast Solutions team
[9:41] Most greatness is built in insecurities 
[11:02] The fear of judgment
[13:14] Activate your drive
[14:16] Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level university, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode. It was episode number 1501. The thing that makes you the happiest also makes you the saddest. There was a question mark at the end that I didn't Annunciate properly when we did the episode, so there's a question mark, saddest. Okay, today for episode number 1502, we judge ourselves more than others. Judge us. Tower and I went to a wedding last weekend and I knew Two people there three people, I guess, other than that, not a soul. Four people because I knew tower, and then three other people and I was dreading the part where I have a full belly. The dance floor gets cleared out, the music starts to play and I am expected to shake it, baby, shake it.

Speaker 1:

I was very much not looking forward to that moment. I don't like those moments very much. Shake your tail, feathers. I don't know how to dance, I have no rhythm, I have two moves and it's not good. Neither of those moves are good.

Speaker 1:

So I was very insecure and I was thinking about it, I was catastrophizing and and the music came on and I went and shook my little tail, feather. And here was my thought. Here is my thought the whole time. One, it's almost there's almost an unset agreement that when you go on the dance floor, you're gonna look like an idiot and everybody's gonna look like an idiot, but nobody's gonna say anything to each other about looking like an idiot, mm-hmm. And that that was my thought process of look, everybody's thinking about how they look. They're not thinking about how I look. 100%. Everybody is probably more afraid of they are probably judging themselves more hard than I would be judging them. I'm definitely judging myself Way more critically than anybody else is, and I had a blast. That is the most fun I've ever had at a wedding. I had an absolute blast.

Speaker 1:

Now, did I have a whiskey? Maybe, maybe I did have a whiskey. Did I have two whiskies? Maybe I did have two whiskies, but by the time that the dancing was happening the whiskies had worn off. I will admit that I did have two whiskies earlier. They had worn off by the time we were dancing, but I had a blast. That Would not have been able to happen if I didn't have this conversation with myself.

Speaker 1:

I was really afraid. I'm telling you I was. I was nervous. That is one of those things I haven't Going back to overcoming. I don't know if overcoming is a real thing. I haven't overcome that yet. There are certain places where I fear judgment and that is one of them. A big social environment like that, that is one of them. But I had that conversation with myself and I said look, kev, nobody cares about you as much as you care about yourself not in a negative way, but nobody cares. Nobody's looking at you as much as you're looking at yourself from the outside. Nobody cares. Everybody's thinking about themselves. Everybody's sweating their butt off. A lot of these people probably hammered. They're not gonna remember any of this tomorrow. Why don't you use this as an opportunity to get outside of your comfort zone and Take pride in the fact that you're gonna have fun. Take pride in the fact that you're gonna do something that scares. You take pride in the fact that it's gonna be uncomfortable, but discomfort is a good thing. So that's my story for this episode.

Speaker 2:

First and foremost, talking about insecurities here, fears. I'm insecure that I forgot to turn my fan off, so my fan is on right now. If you can hear that, I apologize. It's cranking.

Speaker 2:

Kev I remember, early on, you and I Way, way, way back, probably six, seven years ago, you said what are you thinking about when you go to the bar? Because you had wanted to go to a bar and not drink, but you were insecure at the bar and you wanted to fear chase. You remember said conversation, of course. So we go to the bar, kevin drinks.

Speaker 1:

I believe that a vodka Red Bull, if I do recall correctly.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, just one down from my place. I'm hoping, man. Yeah that place. I'm sure what was the name in that place.

Speaker 1:

Oh man, I think it was either. I think it was the peddler's daughter, I believe. Yeah, it's a weird name.

Speaker 2:

Did you have anything else to add?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, no, yeah, I had one vodka Red Bull down from my normal seven. Yes, that's all.

Speaker 2:

Down from my typical seven back then. And I remember you and I had a conversation on the hyper conscious podcast back then and it was about what are you thinking about when you walk into a bar and like, are you thinking about I'm the man or do you think you know I'm so confident or all that stuff? I said honestly I'm not really thinking about myself. I Said I'm others conscious, not self-conscious I. I think that the opposite of self-conscious is others conscious. I think others conscious means you're focused on Facilitating a good time, you're focused on achieving a goal. You're focused on I Mean even right now I'm.

Speaker 2:

My focus is not what's on my face. My focus was on the fan. That's why I called the elephant out in the room, because I just want to get it out of the way. Oh crap, left my fan on be vulnerable my bad 1502 episodes and I'm still out here. Jeff, it's so interesting. You and I talked about this recently. The person who owns their insecurities is actually less insecure. When you hide insecurities, they get bigger. When you reveal insecurities, they they get smaller. It's one of those weird dualities, one of those weird paradoxes. And so Right now on the podcast, my focus is not on what I'm insecure about. It's on adding value, it's on the goal, it's on the outcome, it's on the approach, it's on what I'm saying, what I'm not saying, what I'm choosing to say, and I think that when you have goals, when you have, so, you at the wedding, your goal was to have as much fun as possible. In order to do that, you have to dance and for.

Speaker 2:

Taren to have as much fun as possible. Exactly others conscious. See, it's bigger than you. It's bigger than you and when you make it bigger than you, you get bigger. That's got to be one of the best principles in the world.

Speaker 2:

I was talking to a client yesterday. I said listen, we're all climbing mountains. Some of us are climbing Mount watch, use it. Some of us are climbing the Appalachian trail. Some of us are climbing Mount Mount Everest.

Speaker 2:

I looked it up earlier 6,338 people have climbed Mount Everest. I Said what's the Statistics on that? What's the? So what percentage of the population has climbed Mount Everest? I did the math. I did 6,338 divided by 8 billion. I rounded up I don't think it's 8 billion yet, but we're headed there for the global population and it's point 0, 0, 0, 0, 7, 9 percent of the population. And the reason I was actually saying this and this is actually vulnerable for me to share, but the reason I was saying this is because I Wanted to figure out why some of the personal development content doesn't resonate with me and I realized that no one's making content for point 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 7, 9 percent of the population Right, and so on this show, we're trying to make it relevant to our listeners.

Speaker 2:

And If you have a podcast on how to climb Mount Everest, you're only gonna reach, you know, 10,000 people. And so, anyways, to bring this back, we're all climbing mountains. Whatever mountain you're climbing, climb it. Well, you don't have to climb Mount Everest. You can climb whatever mountain you choose, but make sure it's a mountain that forces you to face these insecurities that we're talking about here, and make sure it's bigger than you. It needs to be bigger than you. That's what others consciousness is about Self-conscious people, and we've all been there. It's about us.

Speaker 2:

I talked about, at a relationship talks event, how I'm insecure. I was insecure in the past about my nose. I broke my nose really bad. I actually went to graduation with my nose on the other side of my face. In a basketball game I got a headbutt and I lost the symmetry in my nose and, as a model, symmetry is one of the most important things scientifically for good looks and I was really insecure about it. So I would wear this hat, thanks, I would always wear a hat because when the light hits it a certain way, it's crooked. And now, instead of hiding, instead of hiding my nose under a hat, I just owned it. I was like, okay, perfectly imperfect, and I think that that's what you do. You're not going to be a good dancer. There's two ways to be not embarrassed on the dance floor. You go take dance courses.

Speaker 1:

Or I know some people that are Matt. Matt is a good dancer.

Speaker 2:

Well, he's probably practiced and I bet you it's out of fear of embarrassment. I don't know. He can move. That dude can move. You think it just comes? Yeah, yeah, yeah, most of our greatness is built on insecurities. I mean, dude, one of the reasons we get good at stuff is so that we're not embarrassed. That's why you and I get good at podcasting.

Speaker 2:

I'm still embarrassed and to add value because we're climbing a mountain of impact. But my point is is, Kev, there's two ways. You either decide to be a great dancer and to be a dancer and to add value dancing, or you decide to overcome your insecurity, or you practice dancing for your next wedding. And I think that if you're not going to practice dancing for your next wedding, just own the fact that you aren't a great dancer and do your thing.

Speaker 1:

So Alan and I have been talking I'm going to pop off in a couple of minutes. Here We've been talking about I'm going to go back to Jiu Jitsu and I'm super excited, but I'm also terrified. For sure there's a part of me. It's just going into a new environment where 99.9% of the people could be better than me for sure, and again, I'm sure I'll match up with people who are similar skill wise.

Speaker 1:

But I had that moment of oh, I'm going to get judged. Luckily, the martial arts community is one of the most respectful. Especially the Jiu Jitsu community is very respectful more often than not and I read a lot of reviews in this place but there was a part of me that had that thought. This is really what helps it land.

Speaker 1:

For me, if you're afraid of, if you're afraid of judgment, there's two things. One, you're not fully right with yourself yet, where you have the correction of when I leave here, I'm going to go home and everything is going to be totally fine. I'm going to be very certain in who I am as a man. It's going to be fine. This is only a moment. This is a moment of judgment. This is an experience, this is a situation, this is a scenario Go back home and it'll be fine. Maybe you're not right with yourself at that level yet and there are certain arenas where I'm not. Obviously, the wedding was a good test. I passed that test. I know I'll pass the Jiu Jitsu test as well, but I think it's one of those things where-.

Speaker 2:

Which one are you more scared of? Jiu Jitsu or dancing at a wedding?

Speaker 1:

Dancing at a wedding. I've done Jiu Jitsu, so I'm not really-. I'll pick it up quick. We'll be good. We'll be good. And there's also other things I know. The more humble you are in a martial arts setting, the more respect you get. You don't have to be good to get respect. If you're humble, you're going to be fine. That's one of the keys of martial arts. So if you're a humble person and you're willing to learn, you're going to do great. I think there's also a thought of this is how I'm supposed to look, versus this is how other people are seeing me. I think that's where the judgment comes from. Look at this person. This person's breaking it down. I can't do that. That's how I'm supposed to look. No, no, no. You're not supposed to look the same as everybody else. You're supposed to look the way you look.

Speaker 2:

And then the last thing is you ever see that movie where they break into dance and there's a scene I forget what comedy where they're like yeah, go figure, Every single person in this movie is a professional dancer, Something like that. You know what? Ah, damn. Probably a teen movie or something I don't know. Oh, that's an old school, that's a throwback.

Speaker 1:

I've definitely. Maybe I've seen it, but again, your memory is better than I. Last thing before we go, this is my next love nugget If your expectation of yourself, if you don't know what your expectation of yourself is, you're probably going to fear judgment. If you don't know what to expect from yourself, how could you ever not be afraid of what everybody else is expecting of you too? That would be my next love nugget Something to chew on.

Speaker 2:

I'm reading a book right now called Flip the Switch by Michael Burt, and it's all about activating your drive. It's all about drive the science of how to ignite your motivation in your drive. There's five activators. He calls them. One of them is embarrassment. I just wanted to share this little nugget. Fear of embarrassment actually drives people, and I've used this before, but not everyone, most people. I said this once and someone was like I didn't work out before my wedding. I was like, ah damn. I used to say everyone works out before their wedding. Most people work out consistently before their wedding because they're afraid of embarrassment. They're going to be on camera, they want the wedding video to look good, they want to look good at their wedding. They want to feel good at their wedding. There's a lot of motivators At the end of the day. One of them is embarrassment. So, kev, your fear of being embarrassed at this Jiu Jitsu gym is going to get you to be more humble, to work harder, to motivate you to learn more. Maybe you'll watch some videos or whatever that's done.

Speaker 2:

You already did.

Speaker 1:

See you already did.

Speaker 2:

I'm convinced that fear of embarrassment can drive you or it can shut you down, and I hope that it drives you. It's my next level nugget Right on.

Speaker 1:

All right, we get a pop because we both have stuff to do. Nextle of the nation. If you have not joined our private Facebook group, nextle of the Nation yet, please do. It is a great place to be the authentic, vulnerable version of yourself and maybe, if you're afraid of judgment, it's a good place to test the waters of that judgment. Tomorrow for episode number 1,503, happy Saturday tomorrow. Your deepest fear also creates your biggest strength. So we're kind of going to piggyback on what we talked about today, so I'm excited for that one as well. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2:

Keep owning your insecurities Nextle of the Nation.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host