Next Level University

#1510 - An Open Conversation About Overwhelm

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Overwhelm, though an inevitable part of our lives, can be channeled as a signal for growth. In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros talk about the significance of evolving our systems amidst overwhelm. They discuss navigating the choppy waters of overwhelm, highlighting the importance of seizing responsibility and being proactive to circumvent future distress. Embracing overwhelm can be a stepping stone to a life lived with purpose. By harnessing its lessons, turning stress into growth and purpose becomes not just a possibility but a reality.

Links mentioned:
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level Hope Foundation - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-hope-foundation/

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Show notes:
[4:48] The overwhelm compounds
[6:52] Be proactive
[10:48] Improve your systems
[14:47] Janine talks about how valuable Group Coaching is, what her takeaway is, and why she thinks you should take the leap
[15:27] The overwhelm can destroy momentum
[20:34] Disciplines feed each other
[23:48] Relieve overwhelm
[28:57] Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level university, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode, episode number 1509. What do you do when you feel like you need to change? Today? For episode number 1510, an open conversation about overwhelm. So you've heard Ellen and I say many times in this podcast that we are overwhelmed and I wanted to have an open conversation about what does that mean, why does it happen, how does it show up for each of us and, hopefully, the lessons you can take From our examples based on your own experience for overwhelm. What is what is overwhelm means you? Let me reframe what do you know about overwhelm now that you didn't know about overwhelm in the beginning of this journey?

Speaker 2:

So kev yes let's provide a little context real quick, about what these, what these episodes are gonna be. So if you're a long-term listener, you know. If you're a new listener, hello welcome. We appreciate you. In the past, we used to interview each other every now and then. I'm acting like we did that for years. We did that for like a month and a half. We decided to do these open conversation, kevin decided to do these open conversations, and so this is kind of a new style of NLU episodes. So let's see how it goes. Okay, what was your?

Speaker 1:

question again. My question was what do you know about overwhelm now that you didn't know about overwhelm Earlier, at the beginning of the journey earlier in life?

Speaker 2:

Whatever you want to start from, the first thing is that if you want to Reach a new level of success in anything health, wealth or love you have to take a new level of responsibility, and a Lot of people tell you this when you get older. You know now that I run my own house and have three pets and have a very, very serious, intimate relationship and a business and a team. It's just so much responsibility and and so the higher you want to climb in this analogy to the next level, your next level, whatever that is to you health, wealth or love the more responsibility you have to take, and Then, the more responsibility you take, the more you're going to deal with overwhelm hmm, the season that I'm in is For me, just for me specifically, and maybe whether you're watching or listening, this will resonate with you.

Speaker 1:

Overwhelm for me is there's too many things and I'm under. Acting on all those things I'm not. I need to see a solution. When I can see a solution, my overwhelm does not go away, but it probably gets cut in half. So this week we have we're launching like three podcasts. Potentially we're starting with two or three new social media clients and I'm not really that overwhelmed because I actually have the time in my in my calendar to attend, because we've reformulated Our calendars in a lot of ways three weeks ago.

Speaker 1:

If that happened, I would be, I would be, I would be. Scarce is probably the best way to put it. I even feel lighter here on the microphone. I don't know how to explain it, but when we logged in, you and I were joking. I just feel different Because I am overwhelmed, but it's more constructive Because I have the measures in place to make sure that the overwhelm doesn't compound. I think that's what happens.

Speaker 1:

I had this thought last night and I don't know. I don't have a good Example of this yet, but the pain in the neck is better than the pain in the ass, and the only reason I say that is it starts as a pain in the neck and Then, if you don't take care of it, it continues getting worse and worse and worse, and then eventually it becomes this entire thing that you could have taken care of in the beginning. Sometimes the thought Overwhelms us and we're unable to connect that the lack of action is actually gonna overwhelm us more later. So I've been trying to be way more proactive With clients and stuff like that, because I know it's gonna come back and bite me in the butt if I'm not.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, same if.

Speaker 2:

I had to pick a word over the last Couple weeks, it'd be proactive. Emilia asks me up, you know, every now and then we go on walks all the time Actually, every other day now we've been doing walks together and she'll always ask me these great questions and one of them was what have you been doing at NLU lately that you're proud of? And I would say that I Feel like I'm constantly doing things that my future self will thank me for, like More than I ever have. I've always been pretty future-oriented, but proactivity I've already told the whole NLU team that the word for 2024 is gonna be proactive, because Kevin and I used to run this business the way you run any business in the beginning, which is Fly by the seat of your pants, button up as you go, try to stay proactive, but basically be reactive, figure out what works and what doesn't work, fail forward, learn, grow and and eventually you start running a real business with real momentum, and you can't keep playing that way, you can't scale that way, and I think that being proactive becomes a necessity when overwhelm gets too big, and then the pain of that overwhelm from not being proactive gives you the discipline to be proactive. I'll give you a tiny example.

Speaker 2:

So this past week Tucker and Tauriel both pooped in their crate at night. We've been doing awesome at getting to bed early, so we have a shut off at 10. We put the babies, the fur babies to their crates. They're all crate trained. They all sleep in the same room. It's a nice, beautiful crate too. It's not like a crappy one, you know. You need to make that clear. Well, it is crappy because they pooped in it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, true.

Speaker 2:

And essentially 10 o'clock shut off, emilia and I are in bed, hopefully sleeping by 10 30, not always, but most of the time and then we wake up first thing in the morning and I like to go do a jam session, to go do like a productivity jam session 90 minutes of just focused effort, writing systems, whatever Proactive thing I could do or reactive thing. Lately Tucker's been sick for some reason. He's been doing diarrhea a lot and so there's been like two or three nights where we call it a poopy morning. It's like, okay, we got to clean and him off in the shower. She's, she's, you know, doing the crate, all that, and that happened with Tauriel as well, and so that happened three times. We were doing really well with sleep. They were in their crates longer because of that.

Speaker 2:

Now I have to be proactive and make sure I now I have a new system the moment I wake up I immediately go up, grab Tucker on, you know, take the cats out. They all go to the litter box. Hopefully not wake up their mom, because we're protecting him. He is asleep here and I take Tucker out front immediately and then Tucker's going to come to my office until Emilia gets up, because essentially what happens is Tucker will always wake her up Like right out of REM sleep, right out of deep sleep, and we don't want that. We want her to get the best sleep possible. We've talked about her memory challenges and how her brain's actually gotten unbelievably better. Her memory's gotten unbelievably better. So, but here's my point we were so reactive for a while, and the consequences of that reactivity was so high that now I'm going to be disciplined every single time because I we just can't function that way anymore.

Speaker 2:

And so, to bring this back to overwhelm, which is the theme of this conversation, you set this new goal to get to this next level, you have to take more responsibility. To do that, that responsibility creates overwhelm. That overwhelm creates the necessity to innovate and to change and to improve. And so, whether it's that simple of okay, the first thing I do is take Tucker out in the morning and let the cats out of their crate. It can be that simple. It can be that simple. One more tiny little thing I don't know if your cats do this, kev, but when there's dishes in the sink, my cats will eat out of the sink. They'll eat stuff.

Speaker 2:

Luckily, that's not the case, because I'm trying to soak the dishes to make sure that they're not, you know, because we do not chose with cheese. It's awesome, and you know as well as I do, if you don't soak those, the cheese is going to be stuck on them for weeks. Yes, you know the deal. And so I put a little dish soap, soak them no big deal. And so Taoriel is trying to eat the dish soap. She's trying to eat the the drink out of these bowls because she thinks it's food when in reality it's dish soap. So that's not helping the diarrhea issue.

Speaker 2:

And so, basically, now we have to be proactive and always put the dishes in the dishwasher. I'm the kind of guy, the kind of guy who doesn't want to do the dishes right away. I want to eat my food, put them in the sink and leave them there until the morning, straight up. I don't want to do dishes at night. I just don't. Now, it doesn't matter, gotta do it. You got to put them in the dishwasher because otherwise Tariel might get sick and I can't have that. So the point is, is that overwhelm actually serves you if you can innovate and by innovate it's just a fancy word for improve your systems? It can be as simple as dishes or getting Tucker up in the morning. It can be. It doesn't have to be. When I say systems, I don't mean complex AI algorithms. I mean genuine habits, systems, processes, little things that can make a huge difference.

Speaker 1:

Out of my today will be maybe like a 13 hour day. Today's a long day. I've probably, and I probably will, spend three and a half hours in WhatsApp. Oh yeah, man that. So you might hear that and say, oh my goodness, that is overwhelming. It definitely. I've done it long enough where it's not as bad as it used to be in the beginning. Yes, it would be the most overwhelming thing ever. But the other side of that coin is I spend 30 minutes once and then there's so many things that need to happen. When I wake up tomorrow it takes me five hours to do. That is what I'm. That's the kind of the, the phase of overwhelm, or understanding overwhelm.

Speaker 1:

Last night, pop came over for dinner and he left at eight and I went through my WhatsApp messages just sitting on the couch. I was like, let me make sure everything's good so I can go to bed knowing that nobody's waiting on me for anything. When I woke up this morning, I wasn't worried about it. I checked WhatsApp later than anybody else really ever sends messages. Now, some of the team is on the West Coast, so they're hours behind, but I wanted to make sure I woke up to smoothness, not mayhem. I'll do the same thing tonight. We have a team call until 7.30. The last thing I'll do is check my WhatsApp.

Speaker 1:

That is that proactivity. It is. It's overwhelming to go through WhatsApp and to be there as often as I have during the day, but it helps me the next day. So, again, you might not have a business and you might not be on WhatsApp and all that. What does that look like for you? What is that for you? Is it last night I put my Jiu Jitsu stuff out, so when I get up this morning I could just leave that proactivity, because what happens in the morning is when I wake up, the cats are trying to wake Taryn up and I'm trying to be quiet and not make a ton of noise and it's sometimes it's hard. So if I make my life a little bit easier with less resistance, I'm most likely going to do the thing.

Speaker 1:

What is that for you? Again, there's a million different examples of that, but what is that for you? Last thing I don't really have a good visualization of this, but that really the theme for me, for overwhelm is you can either spread it out. It's almost like a discomfort, an uncomfortable 10 minutes versus the getting five messages that wreck your day because it's like ah shit, I should have caught that. How do I miss that? I'm okay with diving 10 feet down and then coming back up, diving 10 feet down and then coming back up, versus having to dive 100 feet down and live there for a while. It's just different. It's a different level of stress. It's a different level of pressure.

Speaker 1:

So what is that for you? Do you do? Would it benefit you? Let's say you do your grocery shopping once a week? Would it benefit you to break it up to twice a week and do Instacart or something, so you don't have to worry about it? It's not as overwhelming. Friday at the end of the week you got to get the kids and you have stuff planned for the weekend soccer games and all that stuff. Fridays are always super hard to get groceries. What if I switch it to Monday? That type of stuff. I think the two reasons we get overwhelmed are there's just too much stuff and not enough time, or what we're doing is not sustainable. There's seasons of overwhelm. That's natural. It's going to happen. I think overwhelm happens with growth. But if you find yourself being overwhelmed about the same thing over and over and over again, it might be a sign that what you're doing is not as aligned physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, time-wise, energy-wise as it once was.

Speaker 2:

It's almost like this is the cycle Set a new goal, new level, take more responsibility to get to that level, start doing things toward that goal, start to gain momentum. Momentum creates overwhelm and then the overwhelm eventually destroys momentum if you don't innovate. And so you either burn down or you improve your systems to where you can actually play at that new level. You know I've often said this before. I'll never stop saying this, because I think it's the world's biggest lie. I think the world's biggest lie is that success makes life easier. That doesn't mean I don't want everyone to try to be more successful. I actually think shooting for success is going to transform you into the person you've always wanted to become, and that's how you impact other people. So I think the whole world would be a better place if everyone had dreams and goals. I really do. That's obviously what I know you believe.

Speaker 2:

But success does not make life easier. It makes certain aspects of life easier. So Kevin and I talk about how we were broke and our first studio was in my mom's basement, or my sister's old bedroom, then my mom's basement. You know Kev talks about how he couldn't afford Christmas presents for his wife Taryn not in her's wife at the time, but his girlfriend Taryn, now wife, and those are awful challenges to have. And again, even those in hindsight are not as awful as some people's challenges. Some of the stuff going on in the world right now talk about perspective, right, but challenges are inevitable when you get more successful.

Speaker 2:

When we had five NLPS clients or five coaching clients or whatever now we have 55. It's not easier for Kevin. It's not easier, it's exponentially more challenging. But you also can get exponentially better. And you don't wake up and have 55 clients and yeah, it's all good, we're good, it's all good. You incrementally get overwhelmed and then innovate your way out of it. And then get overwhelmed and then innovate your way out of it and then get overwhelmed and then innovate your way out of it. And then eventually, kevin and I have had funny conversations behind the scenes when we're burning down. It's like how does Apple do it? You know, it's like Tim Cook is the CEO of Apple and it's the biggest, one of the biggest companies in the world. How does he not die of overwhelm? You know?

Speaker 1:

I can imagine.

Speaker 2:

No, I can't imagine, I don't know, yeah, but the truth of the matter is is he didn't start there. The guy's probably in his sixties and he, he obviously worked his way to be able to mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually handle that. And so everyone deals with overwhelm. I have, I coach one mother who has four kids, another mother who has two kids, another mother who has four kids, and they one of those mothers has her own business and four kids. I can't even. I mean, how do you run a business and have four children and run a household and try to be in shape and try to be in love? It's like, yeah, it feels defeating, it feels impossible sometimes, do you?

Speaker 1:

find it? Do you find that when you're not doing fitness things that normally Wouldn't overwhelm you do? I woke up today. I slept like garbage. I didn't get a 60 sleep score. I could not sleep for some reason, I don't know why, and I got up and I went to jujitsu this morning Six o'clock class. I got home at 7 15 and I hammered it. I Hammered stuff. It wasn't that I have to go do this, it was like I get to go do this and I'm grateful that I get this opportunity and it just started momentum for me and I feel like when I'm not doing that there's there's like a pillar, and when you're not doing the pillar I think you're, you get shaken easier.

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm, I would say it's so weird, kevin. We've never really talked about this, so I'm kind of liking this open conversations. You ever have those days where you know you're letting it ride Definitely yeah, I have those days every now and then where I know I'm I'm messing up. We all know. You know, you're just kind of like you know what nah, watch another jujitsu video.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, let me just you know another episode of friends. I made that joke in the recent episode about that. I was letting it ride I'm. When she went to South Carolina, emilia did and and she helps me stay disciplined. We help, we are our accountability partners, we're life partners, we're Fitness partners, we're business partners, we're. I'm so grateful I have someone as disciplined, if not more disciplined, than me, because when she left it was like, okay, not the same game, not the same game. So I was just letting it ride.

Speaker 2:

Now here's the thing To answer your original question, kev. There are certain pillars that when you don't do them, you start to fail, you start to screw up, you start to get complacent and lazy. What's a good example? Fitness would be one of them. When I'm not weight training, yeah, I definitely. Disciplines they, they, they feed each other.

Speaker 2:

When you're on point, you have momentum and you want to stay on point. I mean it can be as simple as I'm filling the pets water glasses consistently. We all know you see the water glass empty or the bowl water bowl is empty. Are you in the season of life where you're like do it now. Do it now, baby, fill that thing. Or are you like I can't, even I can't, I can't do it. You see, the recycling, the girl, I can't, I can't do it, I'm just not gonna do it.

Speaker 2:

And Everyone has been on both ends of that spectrum and you go, it goes in phases. We, I think we crave oscillation. I think sometimes we need to burn down. I think sometimes we need to let it ride. I think sometimes we need to let the laundry pile up and sometimes we need to say screw it. You know, to certain things, to certain things, you can only have so many non negotiables. But I would say, when, when you have your select few things that you're doing, fitness is a pillar for you, kev, when you're on point in fitness, you're more on point in everything. When you're letting fitness ride, you're not the same man and I've seen it, I've witnessed both and definitely same same here.

Speaker 2:

So for you, listening, maybe it's not fitness, maybe it's yoga, maybe it's meditation, maybe it's reading first thing in the morning, maybe it's mobility, maybe it's Taking the dog for a walk, getting outside. For Emilia, it's getting outside, she has to get outside. It's like a that's her supercharger. It's like charging her iPhone or charging her Tesla. You have to get her outside. If you don't, she'll just start to lose With me. I need a goddamn movie every now and then. It has to be a good one. It can't be a crappy movie. I can't stand crappy movies. I need it. I need food, and I need to sit there and do nothing and just watch a film and immerse myself. In the same way, I need to do nothing and just watch a film and immerse myself in someone else's life instead of my own. I need that so desperately. But you can overdo that and so, yeah, long story Long wait to answer your question, kev. But yes, fitness is a pillar for sure same.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's, it's. You can chain together things. I Don't know how to explain it. When I got back from, when I got back today 7, 30. I felt great different than when I lift, because I wasn't. I'm tired in a different way. It's different. I don't know how to explain it, but I just felt. I just felt there. I felt on my brain was firing because I just learned a bunch.

Speaker 1:

Yeah today's class, I and again, I know you maybe you don't do jujitsu, but just for reference it was an hour drilling class where we did the same move an hour, a Saint, the same thing for an hour straight. So it was just I'm I'm just learning this at a deep level. My brain is it was like oh wow, this is awesome, I'm on. Then I get to train with a black belt today who is has no business training with me.

Speaker 2:

I'm obviously they see you get the blood flowing. Man, your brain's on fire. Yeah, yeah so good you got to get the heart pumping.

Speaker 1:

That would be the next, the next level nugget for me, because I feel like these are, these episodes are dangerous ones because they they do remind me of the old days and I feel like we could do three hours on this. What, what is the pillar for you? What is the constructive pillar that relieves Overwhelmed to some degree? Because I think when we get overwhelmed, oftentimes we say we need to do less. Maybe we need to do more, align things? I don't know, it depends on you. I can't. When I get overwhelmed, I don't not want to work out. I want to work out more, because it's something I have control over, it's something I have certainty and it's something that I feel Like I'm actually good at, I can succeed at. When I'm losing at life, I want to win at things that I can actually win at. What is that for you? Does any of that resonate, or do you feel like maybe you're in a different season, or Maybe you don't know yet? Maybe you don't know what the pillar is?

Speaker 2:

so I would say explore that my next level nugget is Kevin calls it privileged pressure, I call it aligned overwhelm. My next level nugget, part two it's a duality on one side of the coin. Everyone's overwhelmed. You're not alone. Everyone's overwhelmed with something. I mean health, wealth, love, goals, dreams, aspirations. You're gonna be overwhelmed a lot of your life and to think otherwise is just not real. It's, it's false. It's not true, despite what social media might make it seem like. The second part of that is Just like you Lift heavier weights to get stronger muscles, you can lift heavier, overwhelmed to get stronger resolve. And there's a book behind me called essentialism by Gregory McKeon, and and tagline is my favorite tagline in any book the disciplined pursuit of less but better and Heat. What he doesn't mean is shoot for lower goals. What he means is Stop doing things that are not aligned. If you're gonna be overwhelmed, at least have it be person's places, things and ideas that are that you're passionate about or that are really necessary.

Speaker 1:

Next level nation if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed. Oftentimes in our private Facebook group there is a lot of light-hearted Comedy and humor and sometimes there's serious stuff, but it's usually a good way to start the day in a positive mindset and Sometimes you get some laughs too. So shout out to Amy and the team. But Amy is curating most of the content that goes in there and the team is Participating as well. So if you have not yet joined our private Facebook group, next level nation, please do so. The link will be in the show notes below. It's a great place to start your day right. Maybe that's what you do first thing you do, even though honestly I probably suggest against us social media the first thing in the morning. Probably ain't it, that's probably not the right answer, but if you're already on social media, at least be a part of a positive Facebook group.

Speaker 2:

Shout out to Nikki at the YMCA. I was on with her earlier and we were locking down the final logistics for our next level hope Foundation holiday event. We do it every year. We did it last year, we're doing it this year, we're gonna do it every year from now on. It is December 10th. We do not yet have the go fund me set up or the landing page yet, but we will very, very soon keep a sharp eye for that and any contributions we would really, really really appreciate.

Speaker 2:

The next level hope foundation was built on a simple idea. Kevin and I grew up with single parents and we didn't have fathers and we know how challenging it can be from a first hand to try to raise kids alone, and so the idea of the next level hope foundation is to inspire, motivate, educate the kids who don't have fathers or don't have mothers or don't have caregivers or have single caregivers. I should say, and and also to you, make the holidays, which were traditionally sad in some cases for those who do have single caregivers, into something really, really fun, into something really really fun. So we do two events a year. One is on Father's Day and one is In December a holiday event, and it's an inclusive holiday event too, by the way, so we're not sticking to any one holiday in particular. It's an all-inclusive, global thing. So it's December 10th.

Speaker 2:

Keep an eye out, because the GoFundMe and the landing page will be soon, and if you are a single parent or know a single parent in the greater Worcester area, you can attend, you can RSVP. We give the kids gifts last time it was footballs and and you get to pick, as a parent or as a caregiver rather what gift you want your kid to get. It was absolute mayhem with the kids all Rushing in, kevin and I trying to guard the boxes and get the right gift to the right kid. It was actually really cute and we'll have a video coming out on social media soon. You'll be able to see all the mayhem.

Speaker 1:

Tomorrow for episode number 1511. What does purpose mean to you? Oftentimes, a question I get is how does someone find their purpose? Long before you discover something, I think you have to know, you have to define it. Before you can discover something, you have to define it. So what does purpose even mean to you? Not, how do you find your purpose? What does it mean? What does it mean to you personally? We're gonna talk about that tomorrow. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and an L you. We don't have fans. We have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2:

Stay aligned in your overwhelm next elimination Boom.

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Alan Lazaros

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Kevin Palmieri

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