Next Level University

#1523 - You Are So Much More Than The Sum Of All Your “Failures”

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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The theme of embracing failure as a pathway to personal success is an unconventional approach to personal development. Today, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros talk about redefining the narrative around failure, presenting it as a tool for success. It will challenge us to embrace our past failures, learn from them, and use them as stepping stones to our future victories.

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Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com 
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

Links mentioned:
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level U Book Club - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-book-club/ 

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Show notes:
[2:45] Two trajectories
[4:58] Alan's formula
[6:45] Mindset shift
[10:55] The duality of success and failure
[14:06] Amanda shares how Alan made her feel valued and supported during their initial consultation call, and how she appreciates his holistic approach
[17:27] Best things are yet to come
[20:38] Do something you're afraid of
[27:30] Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

I can't accomplish those things , it doesn't mean I am a mistake . It just means that that day wasn't the day . Just like you can't assume that you're going to win , you can , if you want . You can assume that you're going to win every time . You can assume you're going to lose every time . I don't know if either of those truly would serve you . So , whatever you're , afraid of .

Speaker 2

Maybe it's rejection , maybe it's failure . Maybe it's speaking , maybe it's podcasting , maybe it's writing a blog , publishing , sending a text , sending a message , posting on social media . Whatever it is , do it . The fear will get smaller and you will get bigger . After the discomfort , you will be uncomfortable . After the discomfort , you will get bigger and the fear will get smaller . That's how fear works .

Speaker 1

Welcome to Next Level University . I am your host , Kevin Paul Mary , and I am your co-host , Alan Lazarus . At Next Level University , we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers .

Speaker 2

We bring you seven episodes per week to help you level up your life , your love , your health and your wealth , self-improvement in your pocket , every day , from anywhere , for free .

Speaker 1

Welcome to Next Level University , next Level Nation . Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University , where we help you level up your life , your love , your health and your wealth . We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode . It was episode number 1522 . We very much enjoyed that episode . Finding more fulfillment in your life today for episode number 1523 . You are so much more than the sum of all your failures .

Speaker 1

The reason I wanted to do this episode is I went for a walk last week and I recorded 19 pieces of content for social media and I was just thinking what are good stories , what are good lessons ? What can I share on social media ? And this thought just popped into my head and I haven't thought about this in a long time . We interviewed Caroline Zanni twice on this podcast . Caroline Zanni is a teacher that Alan and I both had in middle school I believe Health teacher , health teacher Then Mama Z , mama Z .

Speaker 1

And then I ended up dating her daughter for three years and she had this thing on the fridge and I'll never forget this and she was kind of a mentor to me in a way . She was weighing a self-improvement long before I knew what self-improvement was and I'll never forget this . And she was kind of a mentor to me in a way . She was weighing a self-improvement long before I knew what self-improvement was . There was something on the fridge with a very similar title to today's episode . I think it was you are so much more than the sum of your past mistakes , failures and something else , and I remember reading that every day , every time I was there on the fridge , I went to the fridge quite often I was like I'm not sure what I was doing . I was like I'm not sure what I was doing .

Speaker 2

I was like I'm not sure what I was doing .

Speaker 1

I was like I'm not sure what I was doing .

Speaker 2

I was like I'm not sure what I was doing . There was some footage of me talking to Dr and the obstacle is the way . I'm not sure which one it is , to be honest with you . But this is , let me articulate it . He gives his whole story . Most authors do they open with story . They're supposed to . You need to know who you're talking to .

Speaker 2

As a matter of fact , in Book Club , high performance habits by Brennan Brashard just won the poll . Brennan Brashard opens with a little bit of his story , a little bit of why he wrote the book , a little bit of why he's the right person to write this book . That's all great . Kevin just shared those two stories , those two trajectories . One of them is success , success , success , success , success , success . The other one is failure , failure , failure , failure , failure , failure . Neither one is true . The truth is in the middle . The truth is in the drive to five . The truth is the duality of success and failure . The truth is that it was failure and then success and then failure and then success and then failure and then success and then failure and then success .

Speaker 2

And Ryan Holiday , in his book Either Ego is the Enemy or the Obstacles of the Way , I remember him telling his entire story from the frame of success and then redoing it and saying what I forgot to tell you or didn't tell you is boom , boom , boom , boom , boom , boom , and he listed all the devastating things . I had a mentor who betrayed me , I lost this job . I was near mental breakdown . I had to go to therapy .

Speaker 2

I think social media tends to be most of the successes and I think that real life tends to be most of the failures and most of the struggles , and I think that's human nature . You know , I'm dressed up right now and I'm trying to present my best , but all of us , whether we're on camera or not , we wake up in the morning with sleepies in our eyes and exhausted . Thank you , I just think it's important to just remember you can't compare someone else on camera in an interview to you just getting out of bed , and I think that's a good metaphor . But this episode , to me , is a simple formula . Success equals try , fail , learn , try , fail , learn , rinse and repeat , and I think success ultimately comes from that process and failure is a part of it .

Speaker 1

I think failure and success both happen to you . You're not a success or a failure . Those are things that happen to you . Those are experiences , those are seasons . That's really where I want to go in this episode . They're the most quote unquote successful we've ever been . But I'm not a success . It depends on the day .

Speaker 2

Some days are very successful and you're not failing any less than you ever did .

Speaker 1

Right , if anything , I'm failing more , but I think of it . It could even be . You are so much more than the sum of all your successes too , because the successes or failures do not define you . They define times , they define directions , they define moments . But if I said to you who are you , you wouldn't say I'm a success . You would say I am this person or I am a failure . You wouldn't say that necessarily . Now have I been in a place in life where I would have said I was a failure , definitely . But now I understand that it's a time , it's a place , but I'm trying to think of it as a trend line .

Speaker 1

You wake up late . Your alarm clock goes off . You wake up late . You're rushing around . Get in the shower You're running behind . You drop your phone in the sink , because you're running behind . You make your coffee . You spill your coffee on yourself , so you have to change your clothes . You're in another rush . You run out of the house in a rush , forget to lock your door . You have to go back and lock your door . Get in the car , start to drive to work Same amount of traffic as always , but the traffic seems worse because you're running behind . Get to the office and you're in a terrible mood .

Speaker 1

I think of it from the frame of that is looking at it from a negative quote , unquote failure Of this entire day is terrible . If you walk around in life thinking I am my failures , it's probably very similar where it's probably really hard to even recognize success . But I would say the opposite is true . You wake up 15 minutes before your alarm goes off and this is not real . This second one I portray is not going to be real . The sun creeps into your room . You wake up 15 minutes before your alarm goes off . Well rested , feel very good , no sleepies in your eyes at all . Sit up , pivot to the left or right , depending on what side of the bed you sleep on . You slide right into your slippers . You walk into the bathroom . It's running . The shower is running , it's ready . Your towel is out , it's warm , everything's gravy . Take a nice 20 minute shower or whatever it is you choose . You get out . Your hair is perfect , it's you .

Speaker 2

And unicorns fly out of your arse .

Speaker 1

Unicorns fly out of your arse . You make your coffee , it's perfect . You leave and you say , ah , right now , five o'clock , right on time , perfect , cool .

Speaker 2

You ever see Bruce All-Mighty ? Yes , yes , of course . Yeah , this morning . Yes , but you're describing everyone just moves aside while all the lights turn green .

Speaker 1

This is a Bruce All-Mighty moment , that's what we could call it but I would argue that when you get to work , you're probably going to be in a far better mood because everything is gone perfect versus everything is gone terrible . Success , life , emotions trajectory for a lot of us is a self-fulfilling prophecy , and all I mean by that . Not to get too deep . But if you look back and you think you are all your failures , you most likely are going to think you're your failures moving forward too . If you look back and you think you are all your successes , you most likely are going to feel like you're your successes for the rest of your life too . That's the point I want to make in this episode .

Speaker 1

It's a simple mindset shift Looking back and saying I have failed or I have made mistakes or I have not accomplished certain goals . That doesn't mean I am a failure . It doesn't mean I can't accomplish those things . It doesn't mean I am a mistake . It just means that that day wasn't the day . Just like you can't assume that you're going to win , you can , if you want you can assume that you're going to win every time . You can assume you're going to lose every time . I don't know if either of those truly would serve you .

Speaker 2

I don't think they would . I think the goal is optimal and I've talked about this before . I'll never not talk about it , because I think that if you don't understand this one concept , it's going to be very hard to navigate this life . And the concept is the optimal stopping problem . It's Goldilocks too hot , too cold , too high , too low , too light , too dark . Everything is a dance between two extremes . Life is a dance between two extremes . I may have , we've all heard this . It's all relative . Okay , today was today a good day for you ? Today was a good day ? Yeah , okay . Compared to what A bad day ? Yeah , okay . Compared to your best day , was today a good day ?

Speaker 1

Yeah , but not as good , Right , I'm not going to fall for your shit , sir this is good .

Speaker 2

This is real good . The thing is , it's always going to be relative , it's all . I was actually watching a Harvard lecture recently by a man named Charlie Munger , and he was talking about the science of human misjudgment . And he was talking about the sensory apparatus that we all have can't handle contrast , and he was talking about the study where you put your hand in a hot bucket of water and you put the other hand in a cold bucket of water , and then you take them out and you put them both in the same temperature water and one of them feels hot and one of them feels cold .

Speaker 2

This is why real estate agents will show you two crappy houses and then one decent house , and then you end up buying it . This is the way it works . This is also why Amazon always shows you what the price used to be . You know , 20% off and we just we can't get over this . This is also why it's $497 instead of $500 , because our brain can't interpret that , as it only sees the four . This is why it's $999 instead of $10 . G Drive is $999 , or YouTube $999 . The human brain has all of this challenge with interpreting things accurately . So if you see your life as awful . You're going to feel pretty awful , and is it really awful ? It depends what you compare to . Are you comparing to some people's lives that are really , really , really ?

Speaker 1

awful .

Speaker 2

Or are you comparing it to what you see on Instagram ? And if you think your life's great , is it really that great ? Or are you just not looking around at what it could be ? And so this is the dance that we all have to do , 24x7 , 365 , between success and failure , same deal . Are you a failure ? Are you a success ? I don't think you can be either of those things . I think you are becoming one or more of those things , and I think that , at the end of the day , it's kind of like rolling dice Am I a success ? I would say I'm more successful than I am a failure , but not as successful as I'm going to be , because I've learned from my failures .

Speaker 3

Hi everyone . My name is Amanda . I am a dental hygienist and a mom of two teenagers . I was first introduced to Kevin and Alan about three years ago , so that led me to book a consultation with Alan , and I showed up to that call in the lowest spot that I have been at in my entire life . He is a good human that genuinely wants the best in your life , your future , your love , your relationships , your wealth , and you have the chance to be in the same room or on the same call or have these two in your life in any way , then you are blessed and I'm coming up on my 35th year .

Speaker 2

This is my birthday on Friday and I am so excited because Emilia was like what do you want to do for your birthday ? And we are going to do something . But she asked like what can I make that day special ? Because we're going to celebrate on Sunday ? And I said this , and I meant this . I said sweetheart , it's kind of the same as every other day .

Speaker 2

I designed my life in a way where I adore my life for the most part . Some of it's really hard and some of it sucks , but I don't really want to do anything different . If I wanted to do something different , I would go do that kind of thing . I want to do what I always do , which is work . I want to work on Friday , my birthday . You want to work on your birthday , absolutely 100% , back to back to back to back to back . I'm going to probably put in I don't know 10 hour a day on Friday . We're going to celebrate on Sunday . I'm not going to do a lick of work , but here's my point I actually will do some work on Sunday . I lied , I can't lie . I'm going to do some work , for sure , 100% . But here's my point If you Age one more year .

Speaker 2

What you can do is take the failures from that year and learn from them . What's the difference between a two-year-old and a five-year-old ? What's the difference between a five-year-old and a seven-year-old ? What's the difference between a seven-year-old and 11-year-old ? Wisdom Poopy pants , poopy pants , less poopy pants , hopefully .

Speaker 2

But here's the thing I'm gonna be 35 . You know how excited I am to take the last 34 years of data , awareness , experience , knowledge , skills and invest them into my 35th year . The 35th year better be better than my last 34 years . Here's why I have more skills , more awareness , more understanding , more capital , more team , more leadership , more , more everything . It's gonna be a way better year than the previous year . I know that . I'm gonna make damn sure of it . I'm harder working , I'm smarter , I have more capital , I have more leadership , I have more abilities .

Speaker 2

I just don't know if we think that way . I was such a failure at 17 years old , but I wasn't more of a failure than other 17-year-olds , but I was failing at everything . Compared to me at 34 , and at 37 , my 34-year-old self will be a failure at everything , and I think that that's the duality we all have to hold . When you get older , you should be getting wiser . You should be getting better , you should be getting more effective , you should be using your time more intelligently , you should be taking on more responsibility , you should be more emotionally intelligent . And again , a lot of shoulds there . But I think that's what life is it's this constant progression of growth and contribution and this ability to improve as you go , so that the years do get better and better and better , and so that hopefully , you have a little bit more success than you do failure , knowing that you're always gonna be failing forward .

Speaker 1

Simple next-level nugget for me Simple , maybe , different than usual . Reality can be very , very heavy , but as humans we can make it far heavier or far lighter depending on our mindset and our perspective and our belief and our reflection and all that stuff . So maybe today's next-level nugget is an empowering dust yourself off , get up and get after it today , because no matter what you've been , no matter what you've felt , no matter what direction you feel you've been trending in , today is a new day and it's a new opportunity and it could be one of the great days you look back on in the future . So , yeah , that was a really great day . I made a lot of progress that day . Maybe it's one of the days or the first day that I gave my first speech ever . That's something I'll never forget or going meeting Terran , or reconnecting with Terran , alan messaging Emilia you never know . The beautiful piece of this is we are the authors and the editors and the publishers of our own books , and that means you can change the story right now if you want .

Speaker 1

Last thing before we go there was a quote . I shared it one time . It's not my quote , I found it somewhere and it was something along the lines of isn't it magnificent , that isn't it ? I'm going to get the quote right if I'm going to say it isn't it magnificent that some of the best days of our lives haven't even happened yet ? And that's a very , very , very positive spin where the polar opposite would paint a completely different picture . Isn't it super depressing how some of the best days of our lives have already passed this by ? That's what this episode is in a nutshell , so that all of that is my next level note .

Speaker 2

Before we go . You mentioned earlier , kev , that you felt like a failure . Yeah , yeah , definitely , and I have a theory as to why that is and I want to vet it up against your awareness live here , having been on both ends . So my theory and I knew Kev back in the day is that you were avoiding failure so much that you ended up more of a failure . And once you embarked on this hyper-conscious journey , you started to seek failing forward and getting outside your comfort zone , which is actually why you've ended up successful .

Speaker 2

So , in a way , I think people who avoid failure end up feeling like failures because when you avoid failure , you're shrinking . You avoid talking to that person , you avoid getting rejected , you avoid reaching out , you avoid giving that speech , you avoid starting that podcast , you avoid writing that blog , you avoid publishing it . I talk about my first YouTube video Awful . When you're avoiding failure , you're actually perpetuating feeling like a failure because you're going to keep shrinking and shrinking and shrinking and shrinking . Versus what you did is go to the mall and talk to strangers and start a podcast and go to a Brennan Brashard event and get on a plane even though you were scared and give a speech even though you didn't think you were good enough to give a speech . You started playing to win instead of hiding and playing not to lose , and I think that that's actually why you've become so successful , in my opinion , I think that's a big piece of it .

Speaker 1

All I was saying with the failure thing is there were times in my life where my expectations of myself were far higher than the results I had in my life and I didn't know how to get there , Because right now , theoretically , my expectations of myself are far higher than the results I have . But I kind of know how to get there . Like well , we're just not there yet and once we get there , my expectations will shift . So I'll never really get there , but at least I feel like I'm on the path to getting there . Back gas station Kev .

Speaker 1

My expectations of myself were so much higher than my current reality I didn't know how to create a new one . I think that's why I felt like a failure . I was thinking of this the other day before I went to bed . I remember I was working at an HVAC company eating , ventilation and air conditioning and I had no right work with this company . I didn't know what the hell I was doing . I was tired because one of my friends was dating the daughter of the owner . This was the company where you had to race to the bank Because the cash somebody's check would bounce every week .

Speaker 3

And I remember I was Two out of three . Two out of three get paid .

Speaker 1

I never , my never , bounced because I went straight to the bank . I was smart . This was before mobile deposit . This was back in the day , probably 2000 . When there was physical banks 2009 , maybe 2008 , 2009 . I was driving to a job . I don't think I had a car . I was using my girlfriend's car . She had an old person Buick . Nothing against you if you drive a Buick , but this was for old people for sure .

Speaker 1

And I had to stop on the way to this job and I had to get gas with quarters . I don't know . I don't think I was just super broke , I don't think I had any money . I remember I think I have like $4.00 in quarters here . I don't even know if that's going to get me to the job and back those times . When I look back it was like , oh my goodness , this is absolutely brutal . But here's the thing . Now I get to talk about it and laugh about it because we kept going that's all . That's why I can't help it .

Speaker 2

I just laugh because I always told Kev when it was the worst . I always said we're going to look back on this as the best . Yeah that's fair . And you were like , no way , this is the worst . You know that's funny , but yeah , no , that's pretty low .

Speaker 1

It wasn't great , but that's what .

Speaker 2

I .

Speaker 1

The stuck feeling for me and maybe , whether you're watching or listening , it resonates with you . You can connect to this . But it was my expectations of myself were drastically higher than my reality . I just didn't know how to change my reality .

Speaker 2

The next level nugget that I would give is try to flip the script . Try to actually stop playing to avoid failure . You're going to fail , no matter what . Jk Rowling says this verbatim in her Harvard commencement 2005 . She said you may never fail on the scale that I did , but some failure in life is inevitable , unless you live so cautiously that you avoid it all together , in which case you fail by default . So flip the script , like Kev did , and just seek failure , seek getting outside your comfort zone , seek rejection , seek the thing that you're afraid of , and then the fear dissipates and you get bigger and the fear gets smaller . And if you can keep that up , I'm telling you do something you're afraid of . That's my next level nugget . Go , do something you're afraid of . If you're afraid to message us , send us an email . Alan at xleveluniversecom , kevin at xleveluniversecom .

Speaker 2

Do something you're scared to do and the fear gets smaller . After you do it , you're like , okay , I'm a little bit bigger now . I had to shield bump some podcaster earlier . She was not aligned and I had to say no , I'm not doing that . I was afraid to be a dick , but I had to speak up and say no , I'm not going to pay you to come on your podcast ? Absolutely not . At the end of the day , some people are that way and it's not aligned for me and I was afraid , but I did it anyway . So , whatever you're afraid of maybe it's rejection , maybe it's failure , maybe it's speaking , maybe it's podcasting , maybe it's writing a blog , publishing , sending a text , sending a message , posting on social media whatever it is , do it . The fear will get smaller and you will get bigger . After the discomfort you will be uncomfortable , but after the discomfort you will get bigger and the fear will get smaller . That's how fear works .

Speaker 1

We have had several new amazing NLU family members . Join Next Elevation , next episode . I'll look so I can give you a shout out . I don't have my phones over here and it's a whole thing finding it , but if you have not joined our private Facebook group yet , please do . We would love to have you a safe place where you can be your authentic self , where you can talk about what matters to you and you can grow to your next level life . As always , link will be in the show notes . Why don't you take it easy over there ?

Speaker 2

That's my bad . I just went to my Audible account to look at high performance habits by Brendan Burchard how extraordinary people become that way . This book I said this to one of the team members earlier I was like this is a real book , as opposed to the fake books we've been reading . No , no , no , here's what I'm saying . This is thick . This is decades of research .

Speaker 2

Brendan Burchard put serious love and research and due diligence and excellence . This book is excellent , so so good . You can always tell how valuable a book is by the size of its appendix . You immediately get to tell me that this book has a huge appendix . So the very first chapter is just the introduction . On Audible , it's 54 minutes . I just bought my paperback version . It's coming in tomorrow . I recommend either Audible or hard copy . I typically do both and I use the hard copy on the actual meeting . So if you're not in book club yet , the link to register will be in the show notes , and high performance habits by Brendan Burchard has officially won the poll and we will be doing 10 weeks in a row of high performance habits and it's definitely an excellent book . I haven't read it in a long time . It was published in 2017 and it's going to be world class , real good .

Speaker 1

Tomorrow for episode number 1524 , the 5Ms of next level motivation . We did an episode on this many , many , many moons ago , so I thought we have a lot of new NLU family members . It might be time to revisit , and now we have had so many new lessons and stories and examples that we can probably make it land more powerfully than ever . So that will be what we talk about tomorrow . As always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you , and at NLU we don't have fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow .

Speaker 2

Keep failing forward . Next level nation .

Speaker 1

Thanks for joining us for another episode of next level university . We love connecting with the next level family .

Speaker 2

We mean it when we say family . If you ever need anything , please reach out to us directly . Everything you need to get ahold of us is in the show notes .

Speaker 1

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow .

Head Shot

Alan Lazaros

Host
Head Shot

Kevin Palmieri

Host