Next Level University

#1526 - What Would You Go Back And Change If You Could?

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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What would your life look like if you made different decisions? In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros talk about understanding the power of choices and their impact on our lives. Reflecting on past decisions and considering their long-term effects can be a powerful tool for personal growth. It reminds us that we are the architects of our lives, shaping our future through our decisions.

Links mentioned:
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Show notes:
[2:08] Kevin's through line
[7:21] Changing back the time will change everything
[8:23] What if you made a different choice?
[13:41] Rebecca praises Alan's coaching and the effectiveness of the Peak Performance Tracker in keeping her consistent and moving toward her goals
[17:12] The implications of choices over time
[23:18] What is the next right move?
[28:14] Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level university, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode. It was episode number 1,525, attracting more positive people into your life. Today, for episode number 1,526, happy Monday.

Speaker 1:

What would you go back and change if you could slash? Would you change anything if you could go back and change it? It was just on a podcast right before this and we were talking about my story and how challenging it was in the beginning and not being able to buy Christmas presents for Taran and having Taran cover rent and all of that stuff just Brutal. It was a really good episode but brutal. Going back and thinking about that and after we finished I Told the host I Said we're actually gonna record an episode on a lot of what we just talked about and he said what it? What is it gonna be on? And I said we're gonna talk about if you could go back and change stuff, would you do it? And he was explaining to me, said yeah, there's a lot of things. I think about that all the time, certain things I did in my life. Would I go back and change them? And things are the way they are now. He's very self-aware and this is what I said to him. This is my early, early, early next level nugget. This is the through line for me.

Speaker 1:

A lot of the stuff that I wish I didn't have to go through and I assumed I would want to change if I could is the stuff that I would never change now Circumstantially. I understand that it might not be that way for everybody. I'm talking about Self-inflicted pressure. Right, if, if you get into a bad car accident or something bad, traumatic happened to you earlier in life, that's completely understandable and different. But there there were moments where I remember thinking I do not ever want to have to go through this again. Or there were times where I was doubting everything we were doing. There was times where I was single and I never thought I was gonna find someone. There were times where I Was broke and I couldn't pay the bills. I didn't feel smart enough, I didn't feel good enough and In those moments you think to yourself I Really wish this never happened. I wish this didn't have to happen. Is this really required to get to where I want to get to? But eventually, when you make it through and you get. On the other side of that, you're somewhat grateful for that stuff because when the problem goes away, all the lessons you learned in the solution stay forever and I always.

Speaker 1:

I've really had this thought a lot recently and I've mentioned this in past episodes, but I'm very grateful that we never went viral or or growth wasn't really easy for us. I am grateful for that now on the day to day. I never was, but the reason I'm grateful for it now is I learned so much more than I would have had to if you and I just posted our first video and people said, wow, this is the best ever, or somebody tweeted it out, or whatever it may be. I am more grateful now for the struggles, probably then for the easy times, because I don't really remember the easy time and even now there's a lot of Potentially easy times in our life just because we're more quote-unquote successful than we've been. But there's more challenge than we've ever had to and I'm sure I'll be grateful for that I five years from today.

Speaker 1:

So that really is this episode on a nutshell. If you could go back and change stuff, would you? And what would it be and why? And do you think things would have ended up the way that they did end up. There's that thought slash movie of the butterfly effect, that a butterfly flaps its wings in Japan. What is it, japan? And there's a tsunami in somewhere New York, new York.

Speaker 2:

Butterfly flaps its wings in New York and there's a tsunami in Japan or vice versa.

Speaker 1:

I was to say I was maybe 50% of the way there. That is progress for me. I saw that movie with Ashton Kutcher when I was younger. That's a good reference.

Speaker 2:

actually, I knew you were gonna use it.

Speaker 1:

Were you gonna use it? I have to.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but where are you going? It's a really powerful concept. Were you gonna use it?

Speaker 1:

or did I steal it? I could sense in your being that you were gonna use it.

Speaker 2:

That's true. I was like, wow, he knew, I knew, he knew I was going to talk about the butterfly effect. There's a lot of different movies that I adore that talk about this concept. One of them is Minority Report, which talks about how essentially how do I explain Minority Report If you've never seen Minority Report? It's essentially imagine a police agency that can predict when crimes are gonna happen before they happen, and they arrest people before they happen. And the premise of that movie is really cool, in my opinion, which is, once you know you're gonna do something, now you have the power to change it, and this goes into Destiny and all kinds of different philosophical, esoteric things that I'm not gonna riff on for long.

Speaker 2:

But the butterfly effect is a movie with Ashton Kutcher for the younger listeners who may not have seen it, because I think this was early 2000s and it was a rated R movie for sure what was it? I mean that was a dark movie. Yeah, because what Ashton Kutcher's character could do is he could read past journals and then go back to that moment in time. So he would write down journals and then, when he was reading his own past journals, he could go back to that actual moment and change things, but then it would fast forward him to the future and everything would be different not necessarily for the better. And so he'd go back in time and there was this one scene where one of his friends were playing a practical joke and they were blowing up a mailbox with a firecracker a big firecracker, and there was a mom holding a baby that they didn't think was gonna come, and the mom holding the baby was going to get the mail, and so one of the people ran out of the woods and said no, no, no, get out of the way, and then they blew off his arms and stuff. So then he was disabled after that.

Speaker 2:

The point is to bring it back to this episode is we all have to understand, when we're doing this philosophical exercise, that when you do go back in time and change something, everything changes. I mean everyone can do this. Think of something in your past that if you had made a different decision, a different choice, everything would be different. I texted Kev this earlier. That's actually perfect for this episode.

Speaker 1:

An example of a casual text I get on a Friday afternoon from Ellen.

Speaker 2:

Well, you had wished me a happy birthday with some really, really incredible words of meaning. Thank you for this, brother, teaming up with you on the Hyper Conscious podcast has been by far the hardest in parentheses, brutal, but most deeply meaningful journey I've ever embarked on, and it's what brought me to the love of my life, which I know could have never happened without you. Thank you for helping me become the man I've always aspired to be. And even that one choice for Kevin and I to team up, the team listening right now, the listeners listening right now how would your life be different if we had made a different choice? That's, the whole world is shaped by these moment to moment choices. We just don't realize the impact of them because of the compound effect or the butterfly effect, or momentum, long term understanding. And so if you could go back in time, what would you change, if anything?

Speaker 2:

I like the exercise because I think it's good to think outside the box. It's scary to think about what you would change, because all my mind goes to is well, I wouldn't change anything. If I change anything, am I not going to meet Emilia? Because if that's the case, I don't want to fucking change anything. I just pardon my fringe, but assuming I still meet Emilia, I would change some stuff.

Speaker 1:

I don't think you could assume that I don't either. I don't either.

Speaker 2:

But I also want to bring this other part where, when you were talking Kev, I thought to myself I would change some of my poor choices, because I mean, what's the point of making better choices if you would never change your poor choices in hindsight, because you don't get the lessons. But isn't there a? Has there ever been a time in your life where you should have known that earlier, or you should have trusted your intuition.

Speaker 1:

I never made a mistake, ever. Oh yeah, that's right, I would change. I'm perfect.

Speaker 2:

I think I would go back. I would go back and I always used to say you have to know better to do better. There are certain things where you don't know what you don't know and you can only learn those lessons the hard way sometimes sometimes, but it didn't have to be that way. I didn't have to binge drink to learn binge drinking was bad. I could have just read a book. I do feel that way and I don't regret. This is an interesting thing and I talked to a client about this behind the scenes recently. I said what's the point of this coaching? Why are you here? In a less attacking way, I can say no wonder why I lose clients sometimes. No, but because I want to improve. I want to have a better life.

Speaker 2:

Okay, how do we do that? And I've done this with you, kev. Behind the scenes, when I'm coaching you, I said what choices need to change the choices of what you learn, what you don't learn, what you watch and don't watch, what you do and don't do. Say and don't say, think and don't think, feel and don't feel, believe and don't believe. Most importantly, believe and don't believe. What you choose to believe is, in my opinion, the most important thing. But what I said is you know, what's fascinating is, I actually have made, I admit and I tell people like I've made awful choices In my life.

Speaker 2:

I'm 35 now, as of today, actually the recording of this today I've made terrible, terrible, terrible choices. I mean seriously bad choices, but I don't think I've made worse choices than most people. I actually think I've made better choices than most people. I just have a higher standard for making positive choices. So it's that weird thing where when someone says I don't really feel like I'm that humble, they're actually really humble. Or those people who are like, honestly, I don't think I'm self-aware enough and I'm just like yo, you're so self-aware, or this other person's like I think I'm a little narcissistic. I'm telling you, if you were, you wouldn't have been saying that Narcissists don't think they're narcissistic. That's why they're narcissistic, and so I think choices is the same way. I'm sitting here saying I make awful choices, but I know that I make choices that are way better than most people and definitely way better than my past.

Speaker 2:

And so in this exercise, would you go back and change things? I would drink less, definitely. I would do less drugs, for sure. I would read more books. I mean, come on, I just books are life changing. I would read so many less, so many more books, and I'll share this very briefly. I looked at Facebook and I've said this before. Kevin thinks this is hilarious because this is pretty correct.

Speaker 1:

You've got to get it right too. Sometimes you mess up. I'm going to try.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I know, because I always mess it up. So back in the day Facebook was only for college kids and you needed a college email to get on Facebook and so there was no adults on there and I posted it was Alan is blank way back. It wasn't a status, it was just Alan is chilling, alan is chillaxing or whatever which is relaxing and chilling. So I said Alan is. And it was a post that said I read about the dangers of drinking, so I quit reading, which is honestly just hilarious. But I was in my early 20s and I was partying and I thought it was hilarious so I posted it. So not only did I think that was funny, but I actually thought it would be funny to post it. And so I've come a long way and I would probably change some stuff.

Speaker 1:

I wonder, I wonder, when I was, I was probably 17. How old are you when you're a senior in high school? 17 or 18? I think I'm younger. I think I was one of the younger ones in the grade August, so I was 17. My buddy and I. Do you remember Sparks? You ever have a spark? Yeah, sparks were like the early four loco before they banned them yeah they had the amount of calf I don't know.

Speaker 1:

I think they had like 200, 300 milligrams of caffeine and they were like 10% alcohol and you were only supposed to drink two. I think we used to kill four, eight of those. I don't know how. It was wild. But I remember one night and this was a school night, I think this was like a Wednesday night, that is so reckless my buddy and I went up to the town park and we got hammered. We were hanging out I don't know who. We were hanging out with a couple of girls and that's the night that I hit myself in the hand with a knife. Don't know why I did it. I do know why I did it. My girlfriend at the time was mad at me and I think I wanted attention and I didn't realize how sharp the knife was. I mean, this was evidently the sharpest knife ever of all time. It was unreasonable. You can see.

Speaker 2:

He's trying to show it to the camera. Yeah, I don't think they can hear you. Oh there, yep, you can. You can see the scar right there, the scar.

Speaker 1:

But I hit myself with a knife thinking it was gonna be fine. And then the next thing I looked down and it is like gushing blood, like squirting blood all over the place and I was like this is not necessarily ideal we have some Not to mention your heart rate was probably pretty rough with all the sparks.

Speaker 1:

Mistakes have been made. Now I just wanna put a graphic disclaimer. If you're, what's the word? What's the word Queasy? What is it Queasy? Yeah, if you get queasy with stuff, maybe skip 25 seconds. My buddy comes up and I'm in the bathroom and I'm just gushing blood in his sink and he takes hydrogen peroxide and pours a bottle of hydrogen peroxide into this open wound. That is just. It was absolutely brutal. So then I went home and I wrapped it up and I just went to bed and I was like, well, this is gonna be fine in the morning, no worries. And I woke up in the morning and I looked and I was like, oh, no we are in some trouble.

Speaker 1:

So then I told my mom or grandmother. I said, hey, I dropped a knife on my hand last night. Drop. So I unintentionally a knife came out of the sky. I dropped it. I think we should probably go get stitches and they're like were you drinking?

Speaker 1:

or not, I don't even know what that is. I don't even do that. I've never even done that. So we go, I go to the hospital and they're like, oh, you need to go see a specialist. Like this is not. You didn't just cut your hand Like you cut tendons, and I was like what.

Speaker 1:

They're like yeah, you have to go to like a specialist. So we went to a specialist Again, graphic warning and there was somebody that was training to be a nurse or a doctor or something and they said, do you mind if they come, like watch me do what I do the exam? And I said no, no, that's cool. And they proceeded to take tweezers and put them inside my hand and open up my hand to make sure there was nothing in there, and the doctor's assistant or whatever they were, they had to go lay down. They almost passed out. They're like I need to go lay down. This is terrible.

Speaker 1:

And then, I got stitched up, they put me in a cast and that was the end of my baseball career. I was a senior. We were supposed to like win the championship that year. I was a captain of the baseball team and I remember going to school the next day and I showed my coach and I was like, hey, I'm done. And he laughed. He's like, oh, come on, stop, stop. Yes. And me I was like no, no, no, I'm seriously done, I can't, I can't play. And he was pissed at me. Of course he was. But moral of the story, hypothetically speaking, say that didn't happen. Well, the story is don't drink sparks.

Speaker 1:

Don't drink sparks and play with knives and the dumbest things I've ever done. I was so ashamed of that. My mom and grandmother were so pissed at me when they found out that I was drinking because they said I wrecked their. They loved watching me play baseball, so they were. So everybody was angry my teammates, everybody was. It was terrible, stupid, stupid. But what would have happened if I did really well that year? We won the championship and then I went to college and played baseball. So I don't know what would have happened. I never would have worked at the gas station, I never would have worked at the hospital, I never would have been a personal trainer. I most likely never would have done any of those things, got the job that I got, and I probably never would have reconnected with you. That's wild.

Speaker 1:

So, again, hindsight is 2020 and I'm sure you could play this game with anything but as much as that sucked. And also, let's be real, I don't the recency bias of it was 15 years ago, or.

Speaker 2:

However, long no yeah 17 years ago, but that's one thing that I don't think a lot of people understand, and I think that's so important. I really wanna drive that home, hopefully in a more powerful way. Given this situation, what are you saying? Not more powerful than you? I mean more powerful than I ever have before. Okay, well, speak for yourself then, piggy, backing off your story. By the way, that's what I'm saying here. The implications of a choice increase over time or decrease over time or decrease. You're killing me.

Speaker 1:

I look, talk to me. No, no, no, I'm sorry, I apologize. What do?

Speaker 2:

you mean by decrease or decrease?

Speaker 1:

This has caffeine in it so I'm hopped up on. Usually I don't. I'll have caffeine first thing in the morning.

Speaker 2:

A couple sparks.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, I was.

Speaker 2:

I've shot down a couple of spots. I shot on one before you came. No, no, I'm sorry, I apologize for interrupting Go Good. No, what you meant. What did you mean by? I think, the implications of a choice always, always, increase over time. What I mean by the implications of a choice Okay, kevin does that stupid shit where he cuts his own hand Dumb, dumb, love you.

Speaker 1:

Wicked dumb. Yeah, the stupidest. Okay, and I've been there.

Speaker 2:

Definitely I've got some doozies in me for stories. I mean, we're not going to do that today, but dumb, definitely All right. When we make unintelligent choices, to be kind about it, the implications of that choice compound forever. Forever 15 years later is why it's such a big deal. Your whole life would have been different. Now you love how your life turned out, so of course you don't want to go back and change that. But let's say you hated where you ended up. If you were miserable, hating your life, if we had had the same conversation back when you were on the road, hating your life being left by your ex walking to the car and going back in those stories.

Speaker 1:

Some of your favorites.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, my favorites, you would say I really, I really wish that maybe I had done baseball, you see how, when we end up. That's why I say because I ended up with Emilia and I'm so unreasonably fulfilled and it's the best thing that I've ever personally experienced. Of course, I don't want to change my past, because if I change my past, am I still going to meet Emilia? If I had certainty we would still have NLU and I could still meet Emilia, I would change a lot of stuff, man, if I didn't have certainty that we would still have NLU and this amazing team and this amazing community and, most importantly, meeting Emilia Smith, if I didn't have certainty, I wouldn't change anything. But that's the philosophical question. And so do not make the mistake that most people make where it's like, oh, this choice doesn't matter.

Speaker 2:

Kev me deciding to show up on this episode today has changed the trajectory of my entire future. And five years, 10 years, 15 years and this is the best analogy that I could possibly come up with and I didn't come up with it that I could possibly steal is if you have a plane on a tarmac in Boston and you're flying to LA LAX and you are only one degree off you end up, I don't know, 200 miles off course. So the longer the distance, aka the longer the time perspective, the longer the time frame, the farther off or on you end up. And so your day-to-day, moment-to-moment decisions, kevin and I, changing. He's CSO, chief Sales Officer, I'm CFO slash CEO, slash CFO. Now that one choice. I told you our future just got so bright. I don't know how to explain it. I'm just connected to the future and I know that this was the move, and you know it too intuitively.

Speaker 1:

I believe it was my suggestion.

Speaker 2:

It was.

Speaker 1:

I know things.

Speaker 2:

You do Okay for the listeners. What is that next right move? What is that next right choice? Do you have to leave your partner because they're toxic? Do you have to stop watching that show that you just constantly waste your life at? Do you have to stop drinking like I did? That one choice. If I hadn't stopped drinking.

Speaker 2:

I was on Book Club. I Jerry Ann's in Book Club. She's my executive admin and I said this openly. I said, listen, if I didn't quit drinking, that one choice. And I was partying on the weekends, I could never have an executive admin like Jerry Ann. She'd leave me in a harpy and she was nodding her head while I was saying it. I know that Jerry Ann's incredible. She's not going to let some loser partying on the weekends lead her. And I'm not trying to be unkind, I used to party too. The point is, is that one choice to quit drinking has allowed so many other things to manifest? And what's that choice for you? What's that next right choice? And the implications over time are truly unbelievable. Heavy one today. Yeah, I knew when you were talking. I was like we are in trouble.

Speaker 1:

This is going to be heavy, but that's what I wanted it to be. I wanted it to be heavy, well in that case mission accomplished. You have to think. You have the awareness, clarity of what you want in your future and you have the choices of are you willing to do the things that you need to and stop doing the things that you shouldn't? Really, when you become aware, clarity is amazing. Yeah, clarity is amazing, but it's also heavy, because when you know what you should be doing and you don't do it, it's a choice.

Speaker 2:

It's a choice. Yeah, and it eats it. It can If you don't.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it can. So I'm glad this one's a heavy one, because I think it's important to sit with this and say what? Let me look back and what am I doing right now that I would want to change? That's my next level, nugget. What are you doing right now that you might want to change in 10 years? Again, it's impossible to answer fully, but it does create an opportunity for perspective and maybe you can go from there. I've been watching a lot of videos on. I know I talk about jujitsu all the time, but it's just I don't do many things and it's one of the few things I do, so that's what I got.

Speaker 2:

But I say, talk about it, man. I talk about movies all the time. I know, I know it is what it is.

Speaker 1:

But jujitsu is known as, like, the gentle art, but it is terrible for your body. I mean, you're going to get injured and I already thought to myself if you already have potentially. Yeah, something happened to my shoulder, my surgically repaired shoulder, I don't know. In 10 years, if you said, kev, you've gone through two knee surgeries, would you still do jujitsu? It's like, yeah, I think so.

Speaker 2:

Okay. Well then, there's your decision In my mind.

Speaker 1:

I don't. I mean, what am I going to do? Just not do anything, because it what if I get hurt?

Speaker 2:

I don't want to live that way. That's not right.

Speaker 1:

I don't want to live that way. And my, my grandmother always just say like, oh, be careful. You know, when you go snowboarding you're going to be careful. Like, oh, I am going to be careful, but I'm going to go do it. I crack my head and maybe I get a concussion. What else am I? Maybe, maybe, wear a helmet.

Speaker 2:

I do, I do wear a helmet. Yeah, I'm not good enough to not wear a helmet, I mean, I definitely.

Speaker 1:

I did get a concussion I definitely beat your ass down there, but I'm not All right, we got to go. We got to go. I want to. I want to respect the audience's time. See, I throw the humdinger.

Speaker 2:

That's how well I, that's how well I know.

Speaker 1:

Alan, I know I can give him a little poke, yeah, okay, there's a couple of things you can say.

Speaker 2:

That's not one of them. Now we have to go. That's how he's going to get me to go with him.

Speaker 1:

We do have fun, don't?

Speaker 2:

we yeah.

Speaker 1:

All right. Next level nation. If you haven't joined our private Facebook group next level nation yet, please do. It will have the high quality 4k footage of me beating Alan down the mountain. No totally kidding Alan would smoke me at all things on the snow, but if you're looking for a group of like minded individuals. Maybe for you, one of the things you would go back and change is not getting around more growth minded people. Now is an opportunity to make sure you do not make the same mistake.

Speaker 2:

Showed out to the amazing Bianca. She said happy birthday, alan. Thank you for being the extraordinary human being you are and completely changing my life. I'm beyond grateful for you, the reason I'm sharing that is. At the end of the day, what I'm really helping my clients do is just make better choices. If you tell me what your goals are and what your dreams are, I'm going to tell you what choices need to be made now in order to get to that trajectory. That's my skill, that's my gift and I want to give it to you. So, if you are interested, please book a call with me. Alan at nextleveluniversecom, email me, say hey, I just want to book a free session. I would love to meet you.

Speaker 2:

Meeting our listeners is one of the most important things we do. We love to get to know you. Please, please, please, reach out. There's no strings attached. You come on the call and you decide you know what, screw this guy. I'm not doing this. I don't want to coach. Totally fine, totally fine. I'm just grateful to have met you, to understand you and, honestly, I adore this. I love helping people achieve their goals. That's my favorite thing in the entire world, and I learned that more and more each year.

Speaker 1:

Tomorrow for episode number 1527, who is it time to let go of? So we were actually just talking about this a little bit in this episode, so that is very coincidental, but that is what we are going to talk about tomorrow. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2:

Keep making positive choices, next time on nation.

Speaker 1:

Boom, strong work. It was a good episode. The kids are back.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host