Next Level University

#1534 - Not Everyone Is Supposed To Be Successful

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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In a world where we are quick to donate to charities but often hesitant to invest in ourselves, it's essential to uncover the importance of balancing generosity with self-investment. In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros talk about the need to align personal goals with values and highlight the role of growth in achieving these goals. They caution against blindly pursuing someone else's version of success, stressing the need to comprehend the full scope of responsibilities and challenges that come with it before embarking on the journey.

Links mentioned:
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level Hope Foundation- https://www.gofundme.com/f/next-level-hope-foundation-2023-holiday-event

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Show notes:
[2:20] What success means to you
[9:53] Success looks different to everybody
[14:00] Helen praises Alan for providing safe and empowering coaching services with Next Level Business Solutions
[15:33] Be realistic 
[16:57] Getting the goal is not the only reason
[26:39] Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

Next up on my nation what I'm always they go fund me. We are only $50 from goal. It's the easiest thing we do. Dude, that was fascinating for me, and this will be quick. But I noticed that people in our community are super quick to. They're so generous and I really appreciate it, but they're not as quick to invest in themselves.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's a episode maybe, and again we would have to do it in a way that was less. I don't want it to be triggering, but I do want it to be self-awareness of. This listener was so generous and I'm so grateful, but I've noticed our listeners are more generous with others than with themselves. I think there's a self-worth thing where you don't want to invest in yourself, and I'm all for being generous, but make sure you're also investing in yourself, and I think there's a lesson in there. That's really. That was a moment where it's like whoa, she donated 250, holy crap, that's wild, what a sweetheart. And then she also invested in group coaching. So maybe that could be an anonymous story that we share.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'll write it down son.

Speaker 1:

Okay, cool. But I had a moment with Emilia. I was like our goal fund me always wins. That's why I wasn't worried about it.

Speaker 2:

That's the easiest thing we do. No worry about that at all.

Speaker 1:

Isn't that fascinating how people will be generous with money but they won't invest in the coaching necessarily. Well, it's harder to get someone to invest in coaching than to donate to these kids.

Speaker 2:

There's a lot less certainty Do I belong? What am I? When you give your money away, you're giving it to a cause and you just hope the cause does what it's supposed to do.

Speaker 1:

I know, I think it's just for me. That's something. There's something for me to learn there, because that makes no sense to me. I want to be generous too, but I'm also. I'm not gonna go invest out. I invested me first. I have to. Yeah, my own personal development has to be first.

Speaker 2:

I would donate $100 to someone before I paid $100 for a course for sure.

Speaker 1:

We need to figure out why. What's the difference? I would invest in my own books and then you know what it is. You believe that money solves things. I believe that personal development solves things. That's fair. That's another potential episode, because giving money, that's giving a fish first teaching to fish. That's exactly what that is and, honestly, you need both and that's what you and I have come to realize is listen, the $100 helps right now, but where you put that $100 depends? Equipping someone for life matters more than the $100, but not if they're broke.

Speaker 2:

right now it's almost like $100 and a book would be the best way. Short term. Short term and low term.

Speaker 1:

That would be cool and in fact I do like that. We're gonna add books for babes, because it's not just sports gifts but they'll also get a book, which I think will potentially build a good habit. So I like where it's all going. So, anyways, I dig it, I dig it, but that was fascinating for me to go. Whoa, that's the easiest thing that we do. It's almost like we should say, hey, 50% of your ticket for next level, live. We wanna make sure you invest in yourself, but it also goes to this charity, and then maybe they'd be more likely to do it. Yeah, you know, because they're not as concerned, they're more. They wanna do something good for others more than they wanna do good for themselves, and that's a losing game long term, but it's a short term win and I think it's a beautiful thing. I just I don't think it's sustainable.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's fair, I think at 2024, we should actually get a charity up and running, of course. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

I have it on my list 503C. My mom looked it didn't seem super wild Really.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, when I was down with my mom and Graham, she looked, someone scared me about it.

Speaker 1:

I forget who it was, but they said it's a whole. Yeah, joanna.

Speaker 2:

Joanna, no, joanna. Joanna, the pain. I think yeah, but I don't know if she was doing something different.

Speaker 1:

My mom said it's like Well, her list was a nonprofit, not a charity. Oh, oh.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's literally A nonprofit.

Speaker 1:

503c is a charity.

Speaker 2:

My mom said it's just literally like a business you go on, you fill up the stuff, you fill in the information, you apply. That's it.

Speaker 1:

Okay, cool. Well, I know that it's tax-free dollars for businesses at the end of the year, and so that's why a lot of charities do a lot of stuff around the holidays, because they know that all the businesses that want to give back it's a win-win of. They want to be generous, but they also are going to pay taxes on that money, right? So if we have, let's say, we made 100,000 and we spent 90,000, that's 10,000 that's going to get taxed. So let's be generous. And, and that's why my aunt donated $500 at the end of last year, right, you know, cuz? And then she said, hey, is, is your a 503? See it? I said not yet and she's like, oh shit, you know what I mean because that, that right, it's free.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, exactly so you can't write it off, so we're gonna figure it out, but again fail forward. Yeah, of course. All right, man, you ready.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, no, I'm gonna take off production team.

Speaker 1:

Sorry about all that, hopefully. Yeah, a little, you learned a little something a little convo behind the scenes.

Speaker 2:

All right, ready.

Speaker 1:

I would say no, okay, just one sec.

Speaker 2:

I was gonna say didn't do that today. Here we go, next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode, episode number 1533. It was yesterday's episode. What's more true now than it's ever been for you today? For episode number 1534 happy Tuesday.

Speaker 2:

Not everyone is supposed to be successful. We did a group coaching Session recently and after the group coaching sessions, myself, alan and Amy do a Breakdown. What did we learn? What can we do to make it better, what went well, and and Alan and I and Amy, we were having a deep conversation and somehow we got to the point where Amy has really helped us understand a Different perspective. Alan and I are obviously Fairly masculine men who like certain things. Amy is a parent who has really allowed us to see a different perspective that we never really fully understood until we got close to the women on the team and we just got a really good breakthrough and a breakdown of Not everyone is supposed to be quote-unquote successful At the same level, in the same way, with the same approach, with the same schedule, to the same amount of time, to the same amount as everyone else.

Speaker 2:

So, first of all, I don't want the title to seem negative. Not everyone is supposed to be successful. All I mean by that title is one you have to identify. What does success mean to you, not what does it Means everyone else that you want to mean to you? What actually is success to you? Is it being a stay-at-home parent? Is it getting married? Is it getting a house? Because you've never had a house before.

Speaker 2:

I remember I told you this, alan I've never, growing up, we never had a home. We always rented. Never had I ever been a part of a home where we actually had a house to ourselves, where we didn't have a landlord, and that's one of the reasons for me it's always been super important to get a house. That was a dream for me at one point To get a house and have my own house and not have to report to someone Obviously have to report to the bank, but that was, at one point, a version of success for me.

Speaker 2:

So that's really what I want this episode to be about. I want this to be an empowering episode that helps us break free of what other people define success as to us and for us and then just leaning into maybe the Potential discomfort that comes with admitting what success is to you, maybe in your friend group, maybe in your family, being a stay-at-home parent Isn't grounds for quote-unquote success. So how do we work through that so we can lean into that more and more? Because the last thing I want you to do is live a life that you didn't design, that you don't desire, and then get the results that you actually don't want, and then you have to maintain those results and then that ends up creating a treadmill that you're running on for the rest of your life. So that is my goal in episode number 1,534.

Speaker 1:

I Was 25, 24 years old and I was up in Vermont I believe it was Stratton Mountain and my company at the time Funded all of us to go snowboarding together. It was team building and we went to dinner every night and it was a lot of fun and it was all the sales engineers and it was the district sales manager and it was the regional sales manager and it was like a Quarterly get together to make sure everyone's on the same page, writing the same book, so to speak. And I'm sitting around this dinner table and it's very, very expensive dinner probably thousand plus dollars for all of us and this company was very generous regarding these outings. They really invested in team building stuff and I enjoyed snowboarding and you know my team had never snowboarded with me before and I've been snowboarding since I was a kid. I was on the mountain at four years old, so it was like holy crap, it was fun. But we're sitting around this dinner and At the time I'm making almost $200,000 a year and I'm in my early 20s and I'm coming off paying off all my school.

Speaker 1:

Dad and I have very low expenses and I don't have a family yet. I don't own a home yet, so I bought a $5,000 car and cash and I just kept my expenses really low and I'm just, I'm just investing a ton in the stock market, just banking a lot of money, and I I'm making the least amount of money Close to the least at the table. And there's a big table, probably 10 people, maybe 12 people, and I told them that I had paid off all my debt and I was super pumped because I was celebrating and this seems to be a theme whenever you celebrate your accomplishments People get triggered when you celebrate things that that they aren't doing. I Didn't realize this then, I was so naive. But anyways, the people in the table were like, you know, kind of good for you and whatever, and One of them was like Alan. I don't understand how do you stay motivated if you're not in a mountain of debt, like all of us? And they were playful with it, but they were dead serious. I mean, they were all in mountains of debt, right. New condo, new boat, new blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right, and to me that was just stupid personally, but that's just the way they run their lives, you know, and they all make a lot of money, but they don't really have any of it and so where am I going with this?

Speaker 1:

That was the moment, by the way, that I decided to quit corporate forever, because I realized that when you realize you don't wanna be your boss and you don't wanna be your boss's boss and you don't wanna be your boss's boss's boss, it's like, oh okay, so the ladder I'm climbing is on the wrong building. There's a book by Stephen Covey that talks about the seven habits of highly effective people and he says that what happens in life is we climb these ladders and then we realize when we're at the top of the ladder, we go oh crap, this is leaning up against the wrong building and that's what Kevin and I don't want for you. And that's why we're talking about success, because, in a traditional sense, when I wanted to quit corporate, a lot of people in my life were very, very, very adamant about me not making that decision. Now, on one hand, they didn't know that we were gonna be successful Understandable, most people who start podcasts do not end up as successful as I was back then. These people have since. You know some of them, not all of them, but many of these people have since reached out and said, hey, congratulations, I'm sorry, I was a dick or I'm sorry, I didn't believe in you or whatever. But again, it's easy to do that after we already are successful. But at the time I kind of understand now from a different lens, why they were so concerned.

Speaker 1:

And one person in particular was like Alan, you have the dream. This is the dream. This is what you worked your entire life for. You know, you did well in high school and you got into your dream college and you worked your butt off in college and she's right. I mean it was brutal. I mean it really was bad. I remember in college being so broke and people making fun of me and you know, when are you gonna get a real job? And I'm like well, what's a real job? And they say 40 hours a week. It's like internships are valuable. I'm building a resume. I don't know what you're doing, but I'm gonna make six figures right out of school and I would always get attacked for that and you really think you could. And you know I also hung out with a lot of really non-supportive people. In hindsight, fair.

Speaker 1:

So, anyways, I did that, made six figures out of school and all that and achieved all my quote unquote dreams. But at the end it was like, why would you ever leave that? Why would you ever leave a job making that much money? You have the dream, you did it. You have the American dream, quote, unquote. The truth is and I said this, I said this isn't my dream, this isn't my dream, this is your dream. This is what you think you would want A bunch of money, a bunch of time freedom, because I managed my own territory so I didn't have to punch a time card, that kind of thing.

Speaker 1:

Just because this is amazing from the outside looking in, doesn't mean it's amazing from the inside looking out. And my dream now is to build a personal development company to focus on helping people improve their futures and have a bigger, better, brighter future, versus what I was doing at the time, which is selling industrial automation equipment that actually took away jobs. Instead, I wanna build a business that helps people create jobs and create a bigger future rather than take away jobs. And that's really the lesson for everybody is success needs to look different for everybody, because everybody has different core values and everybody has different beliefs and everybody is uniquely different.

Speaker 1:

It makes sense why some people love Disney movies and some people don't. That's okay. This world will be really boring if everyone is identical and everyone was the exact same. And so what is your unique flavor of success? Our next meetup is about this. But I love this topic because just because I had everyone else's dream doesn't mean it was mine, and you can say, for anything that happened to this world is because it wasn't for your social Slow-M pursuit. If I wasn't able to trust myself, we would not be here right now, Because everyone and I'm telling you, everyone thought I was an idiot for starting a YouTube channel slash podcast and going all in on my dreams and I didn't think you're an idiot, sir.

Speaker 2:

I appreciate that. I didn't know you very well at that point. If I did, I probably would have thought you were an idiot.

Speaker 1:

But they really did. They, you know, in their opinion it was like that is the worst idea ever. And I disagree strongly. It was the best idea ever. I mean, our life is ten times better now. I.

Speaker 2:

I had a really valuable Point of growth recently. Tara and I were driving somewhere together. It was late at night and I Said I had a moment today, or I I don't know what to think of it yet and she said tell me more. That's what she says, tell me more. And I said I overheard these two guys in the gym and I said this isn't from a place of judgment, this is just from a place of Exploration. But they were so happy about the fact that they only had to work like five hours a day at their job, even though they got paid for eight, and I said it was just really hard for me to connect with that and she said, well, maybe that's just what they're into right now, maybe that's just what they value. And in my mind it's like, yeah, maybe it. Sometimes that scares me for what their futures might look like. I have empathy for the fact that that's what you want to do, but it scares me at times because I wonder If you're aware of what that's gonna create in the future.

Speaker 2:

I remember when I worked. So I used to work third shift at a hospital. I worked over nights and it was brutal. Shout out to anybody who works over nights. My goodness Props to you, because it it was brutal, and I used to work with a guy named Adam and when I used to work together, big fan, and One night we were setting up the conference room for a meeting.

Speaker 2:

That was the next morning and we turned off the lights and we just sat there for a while. We both fell asleep. So I was like sleeping in the corner, for I don't know, even know how long this might have been for hours, and at the time I thought that was awesome. I was like hell, yeah, that was pretty successful night had a nap. I used to go in the linen room and read magazines when I was in charge, I used to write songs, couldn't really search on your phone. It wasn't like it is today. I don't know if they blocked the Wi-Fi, but at that time I was super, super excited that I only had to work a few hours a night.

Speaker 2:

But I think, as my definition in my goals, my definition of success change and my goals towards success changed, my Approach and my view of that type of stuff had to change too. So I'm trying to make sure that I balance the empathy of if, if I gave someone my position in life and said, hey, this is what I do on the day-to-day, go crazy and you can get all that. You can have all the results Too. You have all the results, you can have everything.

Speaker 2:

I understand that a lot of people they wouldn't enjoy that. They might like it for a week, they might not like it at all. They might say, well, you don't really have any time to do Any of the beneficial stuff that you're getting from all the quote-unquote success you have. Well, maybe that's just what success looks. It looks like for me. I'm of the opinion, now more than ever, I Don't really. It's a balance. It's such a, it's such a juggling act. I Want you to be as successful as you want to be, but in a way I don't really want you to be more successful than you want to be, because if I tell you to be more successful than you want to be, you might end up doing things that you don't want to do.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and then?

Speaker 2:

you have to do more of them later to maintain it. To maintain it. That's the hard thing is. I wonder if it's. I Wonder if it's better to just not get the level of success that you think you want but don't actually want, or To get it and then be able to take your foot off the gas and decide later. I, really I, I wonder. I think that's kind of a paradox, but I just want to make sure my point lands for this episode, because I I don't want it to come off as I Negative or anything again. We're all about dream chasing. I want you to chase whatever dreams it is you you desire, but I also I want you to be Realistic with what actually matters to you. If you value family more than you value money, I want you to have more family than you do money. Can that present challenges later in life? Absolutely, a thousand percent. A thousand percent.

Speaker 1:

But there's a way to do it, because you can always be with an intimate partner who's more fair? On career and money.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and then you can be a stay-at-home dad or stay-at-home mom.

Speaker 2:

And even that's a, that's a good layer of awareness when you're going in. I just want you to have whatever success means to you, not because I said, look, you should get up at five o'clock in the morning and go to the gym and do this and do this. I'm trying now more than ever, when I'm on these microphones or being interviewed by someone else, to say look, this is what works for me, I Like getting up early, I like going to bed early, this is what I like doing. I want you to choose. I don't care if I'm on here as a as a guest quote-unquote expert on somebody else's podcast. Please take everything I say through a lens and through a filter and figure out what actually lands and resonates with you, and I think this is just a friendly reminder of that today, in this episode as well.

Speaker 1:

We talked about those two things that I want to share. I know we got a jump soon Two things. One is Whatever goals you choose, make sure that getting the goal isn't the only reason. Make sure that growth is at least part of the reason, because If the goals are high, growth is going to be required, and if it's for growth, then you're going to actually get a lot of benefits along the way, because you're Going to grow a bunch along the way, versus if it's just for the goal and growth isn't what you really want, you're basically going to delay gratification all the way until you actually get the goal, which you might not ever get, quite frankly. Yeah, okay, so that's number one. Number two is the three Rs. I actually have the graphic design team creating an asset right now for this, but essentially it's a pyramid with three levels, and this is next level, university. So it's level one, then two, then three, going from bottom to top. Picture a pyramid with a star at the top and level one. Level one is Responsibilities, level two is roles and level three is results, and so a lot of people myself included, particularly in fitness Back when I did so, as of yesterday yesterday was Sunday, as of us recording this, and I went back through every now and then every couple years.

Speaker 1:

I just go through all of my social media, all my past, all my past photos. I just kind of reassess my entire existence. And I went through all my old fitness stuff, all my old fitness photos, all the modeling photos, shoots I did. I did 41 different fitness shoots where I was shirtless and in way better shape than I am now, which is just so frustrating for me.

Speaker 1:

I don't like getting worse. It's not like I'm not putting in effort. I'm 635 days in a row of consistent exercise, but back then fitness was my whole life, so half hour a day and exactly gonna do it, compared to when that's your whole world fitness coach, fitness competitor, fitness model. Now, the good analogy here is when you do a fitness show, you reach a level of success. This is to Kevin's point. You reach a level of success that isn't sustainable. And so then you see the picture on stage You're fully tanned up, you're underneath the best lights ever, you're ripped out of your mind, you have an eight pack or a six pack or whatever, and then after that, there you go. Now you peaked.

Speaker 2:

Now you peaked. Until the next time you compete.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's all downhill from here, and so that's what Kevin's saying when he says I don't want you to reach a level of success that you can't sustain or that you never really understood. Now I learned a lot, I grew a lot, but I'm still basically always up against that, and now I'm 35 and that's gonna be even harder than it used to be. Now I digress back to the three Rs Level one responsibility. Level two roles. Level three results. If I want those same results, I have to take responsibility in advance for everything that comes with it, meaning the two and a half hour workouts I used to do, the hour of cardio at night before bed. The tracking calories every single day, tracking macros every single day, tracking micronutrients every single day. The supplements that I used to spend a ton of money on, all the protein shakes and protein powders. Protein shakes suck. I don't even like them. I don't do protein shakes anymore, can't stand them. Now you can't want a result, unfortunately, without also wanting all of the responsibility that comes with it.

Speaker 1:

Last piece, I had one of my clients who said I want your life, I wanna be CEO, I wanna start my own company, I want all the challenges and all the growth. I said I understand what you're saying and I really appreciate it. I think that's awesome. They use the word protege. I wanna be your protege. But you do not understand what you're asking for. You've never led a 20 person team. You've never worked out every day for two years while leading a 20 person team. You've never had an intimate relationship and run three businesses between the two of you and stayed in shape and run a household and had pets and run a 20 person team that's exponentially growing, and done social media every day for nine years without missing within reason. I've missed a couple times, but you've never.

Speaker 1:

I know that you think you want that. I know you think you want the responsibilities that come with that, but you don't actually know what you're saying. And yeah, maybe you need to go find out, but I'm telling you right now it is so much different looking from the surface, looking from the outside in, than being in it from the inside out. And I'm telling you right now you think you know how hard my life is. I'm telling you right now you don't, and I'm not saying that to make me look special. I'm saying that so that you don't make your life and set your life up for something you're going to regret, and that's really what Kevin and I are saying Make sure that the level of success that you aim for is number one congruent with what you value, and number two, the responsibilities that you know will come with. That is also what you're going to want as well.

Speaker 2:

Last thing not everyone is supposed to be financially free because not everybody wants to do the things that might be required for them to actually be financially free. Not everybody should have a family because not everybody is willing to do the things required to be a good parent or a good partner or a good spouse or whatever a good leader of the household, whatever it may be. Not everybody should do a fitness show because not everybody is willing to do, or is healthy for them to do, what it takes to get on stage. That's really what I want to land for this episode. I want you to shoot for whatever it is you want, but I really want you to actually want it.

Speaker 2:

The last thing I want you to do is to get a result and say, oh, this isn't it. Now I have to put on the charade for the next 10 years because everybody around me sees this result I have, and now it's part of my reputation, now it's part of my self-worth, now it's part of my confidence, now it's part of my lifestyle, it's part of my identity. I just don't want that. That's really the big takeaway that I guess that would be the next level nugget for me. What is your next level nugget quickly, good sir.

Speaker 1:

Mine would be to second what you said because, to circle back to the original story and Kev, I didn't understand this then. But I hate travel. I don't know if hate is the right word. Yeah, I don't think I like travel at all. I'll say that I don't like traveling at all. I never have. I don't know if I ever will. I had to travel so much for that job. I managed all of Western New England. I was driving all around Connecticut 90% of the time. I was driving up to Vermont, to GE. I was all over the place and in hindsight I just couldn't stand it. I don't like being in the car for that long. The only thing that I loved was the books that I got to listen to. Just remember you don't want what you aim for to create a life you don't want. That's my next level, nugget.

Speaker 2:

Next level nation. If you have not yet joined our private Facebook group, appropriately named Next Level Nation, please do so. We have been hearing from so many of you. Shout out to Nicole, who emailed Alan and I, kali or Kaylee, who's been posting in Next Level Nation commenting on stuff. Just shout out to all of you If you are looking for a group of like-minded individuals, if you are looking for a community and I think that's really what we're all looking for at the end of the day, next Level Nation is open. It is a safe place to be yourself and it is a great opportunity to meet other people who are into growth at the level you are. As always, link will be in the show notes and we will see you there.

Speaker 1:

Also. Thank you so much to our community. We have one of the most generous communities ever.

Speaker 1:

It's wild. Thank you so much. We set a goal to raise $500. Kevin and I matched the $500, so we already donated the $500. We're almost at goal. That makes a thousand total. For the Next Level Hope Foundation Holiday Event on December 10th, we are renting out the YMCA. You can go to the GoFundMe page. The link is in the show notes. You'll see the video from last year. It was awesome. This year we're partnering with Books for Babes. There's going to be a big box of books for the kids as well, in tandem with all the gifts, and it's going to be mayhem in the best way. But thank you all so much because we're only $50 away from goal. Whether it's $5, $10, $25 or $50, we really, really appreciate it. Every little bit helps. Thank you so much for how quickly we got to goal because we're coming up on it. I think we're 13 days out.

Speaker 2:

Yes, shout out to each and every one of you. Again, I would put our community up against any community on the planet. I am so grateful and we are so privileged to have the amazing humans in our corner that we do, I would say, locally and in real life, but also virtually around the world. So thank you all. We are super, super grateful. Tomorrow for episode number 1,535,. Is there a way to use comparison in a positive way? We talk about comparison often and I think comparison has been villainized for many appropriate reasons, but we will talk about that. Can we use it in a positive way, tomar? What are you smiling about?

Speaker 1:

I just have this image in my head. I think we talked about this last week of $1,000 worth of pizza and you in the corner. It was hilarious In like a Santa hat or something.

Speaker 2:

I would have a full belly. I'd dress up like the Grinch, throw it over my shoulder and drag it on the hallway to the locker room.

Speaker 1:

That is funny man.

Speaker 2:

As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and an NLU. We do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 1:

Thank you again.

Speaker 2:

We appreciate. You Talk soon, nice. I totally forgot what the episode was about.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host