Next Level University
Confidence, mindset, relationships, limiting beliefs, family, goals, consistency, self-worth, and success are at the core of hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros' heart-driven, no-nonsense approach to holistic self-improvement. This transformative, 7 day per week podcast is focused on helping dream chasers who have been struggling to achieve their goals and are seeking community, consistency and answers. If you've ever asked yourself "How do I get to the next level in my life", we're here for you!
Our goal at NLU is to help you uncover the habits to build unshakable confidence, cultivate a powerful mindset, nurture meaningful relationships, overcome limiting beliefs, create an amazing family life, set and achieve transformative goals, embrace consistency, recognize your self-worth, and ultimately create the fulfillment and success you desire. Let's level up your health, wealth and love!
Next Level University
#1550 - Are You Too Selfless?
Just how often do you put others before yourself? In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros discussed how societal norms that equate selflessness with virtue are critically examined, and the need to redraw the boundaries between selflessness and self-neglect is emphasized. We discuss how an extreme tilt towards generosity can sometimes create a warped perception of self-worth, potentially leading to self-neglect. Reevaluate your beliefs, and consider investing in yourselves just as much as you invest in others. It challenges the societal norms surrounding selflessness and encourages a healthier balance between altruism, self-worth, and personal growth.
Links mentioned:
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
To learn more about group coaching: https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/
Discount Code: NLULISTENER
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Show notes:
(1:38) A plane story
(4:26) Generous to others than with themselves?
(5:54) Why invest more in others than in yourself?
(7:14) Sustainable giving
(9:36) The importance of certainty
(12:06) Austin shares his top-notch experience working with Kevin under Next Level Podcast Solutions.
(15:16) Believe that you are worth it
(17:29) Altruism and Self-Worth of a parent
(20:18) Honoring yourself and adding value
(24:31) Outro
Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level university or. We help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1549. It's not your responsibility to fix anyone, unless you decide today for episode number 1550. My apologies if I said the wrong one in the previous episode. I mislabeled it. Are you too selfless? Alan has a really good example story and the reason that we're doing this episode, but I Mentioned this on the podcast a while ago. This was at the very beginning of the year.
Speaker 1:I went to Florida to speak at a podcast event and on the flight home I Remember I was sitting on I Don't. I don't remember the exact way I was sitting in terms of the middle seat, the aisle seat or the window seat, but I remember there was a Parent and a in a son who came and sat next to me and I remember thinking to myself Should I give up my seat for them to make it easier for them? So I think I was on the outside and they were on the inside and I remember thinking Should I just say, hey, do you guys want to sit on the outside? And I'll just sit on the inside near the window, because I'm sure you're you and or your child. You might have to bring them to the bathroom multiple times on the flight. I'm probably not gonna go to the bathroom at all, because I never do on planes. It's just something weird about me. I just would rather sit my seat and suffer. So yeah, do you want to switch seats? I didn't end up asking this person.
Speaker 1:Maybe I did, I don't know, but I remember we did an episode about it after, and it was very much along the same Thought process of am I too selfless for that? Is that me making myself suffer for someone else when I don't really have to do that? And then we dug under that. We were talking about self-worth and self-belief and what is uncomfortable for me and my standards and stuff like that. So I just want to connect that to the episode that we're doing today. Maybe that's an example of what being too selfless quote-unquote could mean for you. But you wanted to do this episode. You had the better example than I did. What is it, sir? I?
Speaker 2:Strong opening.
Speaker 1:I appreciate that very much you're welcome.
Speaker 2:You're welcome I. I do believe that the listeners of this show are most likely heart driven but no BS. That's that's what we are all about heart driven but no BS. And where this originated that Kevin's referencing is we do Philanthropy every December. We have two different initiatives that were connected to and, and one of them is the next level, hope Foundation, and we do a holiday event. We've done it for two years now. It just went really really well. So thank you for everyone who contributed. It was awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome. Anyone who attended. Thank you for coming.
Speaker 2:But one thing that I noticed is that we have a really, really good track record in our community when it comes to achieving our go fund me goals, which is awesome, and I take nothing from that's nothing short of absolutely amazing. But what I've found a little bit fascinating and this is what we want to dig under is that I think our community Not everyone, but I think our community tends to be more generous with others than they are with themselves, and I think that might be connected to self-worth, and I want to come in with humility with that, because I don't want to guarantee that that's the case. But here's my thesis group coaching, for example, is for listeners, only 97 dollars a month, and I know that that program will change your life and it doesn't really matter if I know that. What matters is if the listeners know that. If you know that, if you don't believe that that's step one, how do we get you to believe this program can change your world? Okay, number two is Even if you do believe that group coaching might be good and might be good for you Are, do you have the self-worth where you are worth it? Are you worth the 97 dollars because our community is so generous with these kids that we donate for and I appreciate that and I take nothing from that but are you as generous with yourself? And I think that that's really what we're talking about here is are you too selfless or are you too selfish?
Speaker 2:I seriously doubt that our listener base tends to be too selfish, because that's not common. I mean, all of the listeners that I've met tend to. They tend to I'll just say some things. They tend to, from my perspective, have more self-belief than they think. They tend to have lower self-worth than what is optimal, and so if you're out there and you're listening or watching this and you think you know what I do, invest more in other people than I do in myself, then hopefully, what you can question is at least challenge that. Why. Why do I invest more in other people than I do in myself? Am I too selfless? Because there's there's really three different avenues you can take.
Speaker 2:I say this to the NLU team often. I say what if what's best for you is what's best for the world and we've done episodes on that in the past and Amy L on the team, amy Leneus she loves that quote. I do believe, and I'll use Amy as an example she wouldn't mind. What's best for Amy is what's best for the world, because she's an extremely loving, extremely generous, extremely wonderful human. Now, I wouldn't say that to everyone, though. I can think of some people from my past that I think are narcissistic and selfish. I think they're toxic and I'm going to call us bait-a-spade. I would never tell them hey, what's best for you is what's best for the world. No, no, no. If anything, you're overly selfish and you could really do with some, some humble pie. That's Avenue one. Avenue two is what I shared about Amy.
Speaker 2:What's best for you is what's best for the world, because you tend to be selfless, over-serving at the expense of self.
Speaker 2:Maybe being a little more quote unquote selfish, aka investing in self, would be better.
Speaker 2:And then you've got this sort of middle ground of someone who invests in themselves, grows themselves, and then, because they grow, they have more to give, and so I try to call it sustainable giving.
Speaker 2:So, instead of just investing in the charity of your choice which I think is amazing what if you invested $100 into your own personal development and $100 into the charity of your choice? That way, you grow and you grow the world in a positive way, and I think that one of them is sustainable and the other one is sometimes martyrdom. And so if you feel like you've been a little bit overly martyring of yourself, or sacrificing of self, or overly selfless at the expense of yourself, then maybe this is something that you can work on and learn to buy the book, or buy the course, or start group coaching, or do one-on-one coaching, or get a therapist, or get that I don't know. Go to that dance class that you want to take or, to your point, the jujitsu gym that you go to, right, I mean, how long did it take for you to actually invest in yourself, something that fulfills you at that level I realize it's expensive.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I think that people who have struggle with self-worth, myself included, sometimes we struggle to invest in ourselves and sometimes we do more for others than we're willing to do for ourselves, and I think that that can be dangerous, if we're not at least on top of it.
Speaker 1:Two things. I used to think philanthropy was some sort of study of the bones Like anthropology, that's paleontology. Well, anthropology is one too. Paleontology is the study of fossils, I believe.
Speaker 2:I believe. I think fossils are bones though.
Speaker 1:Well yeah, but not all. I don't think, right, I don't know, I don't know, but I remember.
Speaker 2:Maybe paleontology is like dinosaurs, right.
Speaker 1:I don't, not necessarily. I don't think so. I don't know anybody who does that. So maybe if we did, I could ask them. But that's nor here nor there.
Speaker 1:Every time I hear philanthropy, it just makes me think of digging stuff up. For some reason it always does. That's part one. Part two I can definitely resonate with this because I think I had a lot of experience with this in the past.
Speaker 1:I was very quick to invest in someone else before I would invest in myself and for me, I think it's because I knew what I was going to get. So I would much rather give someone $100 or donate to someone's GoFundMe for $100 than buy a $100 course for sure, still to this day, to this day, because I know what donating, I know the feeling that donating will give me versus I don't really know what that $100 course is going to give me. So I think certainty is one thing. If you're more certain, the feeling you're going to get when you give something away rather than receive something for yourself, that's something to experiment with and see what that feels like. And then, even to your point, it's really hard to invest in yourself if you don't believe in yourself. Yeah, definitely, and I have. I definitely understand that too, because in the past it would be really hard for me to spend. Let's just say how much is an audible subscription per month? $14.99,.
Speaker 1:I think so even that in the beginning it was hard for me to say, well, it's $15 a month, I don't know what books am I going to read. This was so much uncertainty around whether or not it was actually going to help me to the degree that I thought it would. So I definitely I understand and I resonate more with this topic than I thought I would, because in the beginning I didn't have any belief in myself and when I would buy books and I'm not saying you don't have belief in yourself whether you're watching or listening, I'm just saying that this was my experience and maybe it'll resonate with you where you are. So I'm going to do it by books and I might regret it right after I buy it if I really hope I get my honey's worth out of this. And now in retrospect You're gonna get $15 worth of value out of this, most likely, yeah, even if you just learn one thing. That pays off. But I understand that at a deeper level than I ever have.
Speaker 1:And here's the other thing too I've never paid for a coach in this department. I've had you the whole time. I've never paid. I've never paid for a coach. I've never paid for a coaching session, never paid for a mentor. I've never paid for podcast help. I never paid for any of that, so that's another thing is Maybe it's just something where, when you don't have experience with it, you're a little bit more gunshot.
Speaker 2:I Would also say I mean if you, if you don't, I mean think about all the things that have to align for you to pay for a book or pay for a coach. I was talking about this earlier because I'm actually coaching. The team on coaching is really cool. Jerry and Lizzie and Amy L shout out to them and I said, think about. So. I was on the phone, the phone, I was on zoom, I was on zoom on the land with.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was on a landlady payphone. I was on a payphone the other day. No, I was on zoom with a young man who's 16 years old, who was listening to our podcast. And yeah, yeah, and he said I, I found out that you coach an 18 year old and I was like, yeah, totally love it. One of my favorite things in the world If that person is listening, you know who you are, love it. Just ask me so many Existential questions about life. It's the best I get to philosophize, but anyways.
Speaker 2:So this person reached out, booked on my calendar half hour and we talked and when he found out the price, he was like I don't know, I think that's. That's like a day's work for me. Again, he's young, he's 16 and it's not that much. It really isn't, but anyways. So my point with this is I was talking to Amy, jerry and and Lizzie earlier and I said I want to coach this person. I know this person will benefit. I'm certain of it, and I do believe that if I had me at his age, I mean it would have changed my whole world. Okay, so I already believe 10 out of 10 that I'm the right coach for him and I believe 10 out of 10 that I want to do this because he's humble, he's eager. He came with questions. I'm pumped. So how do I make this happen? I Know what's best for him, but that doesn't matter. He doesn't know what's best for him, so I asked the question. I said how do I get him to believe that this will be worth it? Because I know that it will be. I know that he'll make more money. I know he'll be more successful. I know he'll have better relationships. I know that he'll be healthier. I know that, at 35 years old, I've learned so much the hard way that I could teach him and, yes, he'll learn some things the hard way, but I guarantee you that I can help him and guide him in ways that are far beyond his current comprehension, and I know that it'll be worth the price. I know that doesn't matter. He doesn't know that, and so I talked to them about this and I said here, think about this. This is what has to line up.
Speaker 2:So, in order for you to coach with Kevin if you're out there listening or watching in order for you to coach with Kevin, you have to believe in an OU. You have to believe in Kevin. You have to believe in yourself enough to believe that you're gonna implement what Kevin tells you. You also have to believe it'll be worth it. And you have to believe that Kevin is the right fit for you. And you have to believe that Kevin's the best coach for you, for the best price compared to everyone else who you might be able to coach with.
Speaker 2:Like think about how hard it is to align all that. We wonder why sales is so difficult. I mean, otherwise, you have to take a huge chance. What if you don't believe in Kevin? You don't believe it'll be worth it. You don't believe in yourself or your own brighter future. Why would you ever invest?
Speaker 2:And so, to bring this to back to self-worth and self-belief, which is where we started of what if you're willing to invest more in others than yourself because you don't believe in yourself enough or because you don't believe you'll be worth it, why would someone invest in a company they didn't think was gonna grow? And a lot of this is unconscious. If I buy stock in a company, I believe that it'll be worth more in the future. I believe it'll be worth it. And so people don't take action.
Speaker 2:So we get stuck in this conundrum of I don't believe in myself and I don't believe I'm worth it. So I'm not gonna invest in myself, which what Makes you believe in yourself even less, and now you're even less worth it. And so you get stuck in this cycle. But yet you see other people's potential, but you don't see your own. And hopefully that mirror gets flipped in this episode and you say you know what? I am investing more in other people than I am in myself. Let me flip the script. Let me invest in my own personal development, let me grow, and when I grow, now I can have more to give. And I think that that's a virtuous cycle, that if you do that, you will build self-belief and self-worth, assuming you get the right coaches and the right courses. Obviously, if you get hoodwinked or you do something that isn't valuable and is a bag of air, so to speak, it's like opening the chip bag. We've all done it. We've opened the bag of chips and there's only a third full, and it's still delicious. Devastating news devastating.
Speaker 1:You and I aren't parents, but we have many parents on the team. Everybody on the team that's a parent is a mother Maybe one father, one father, and I can't claim to know what that's like, but I imagine, if you wanna talk about selfless having a little one, you and I got a little taste of it.
Speaker 1:Next level of Hope Foundation running around with kids and one of the parents said to me is you get a chance to eat yet? And I said, no, I'm not gonna eat. I probably won't eat until this is over. Just because I'm running around with the kids, you eat. You probably don't get the chance to eat when you wanna eat because you're so selfless. You're taking care of the little ones.
Speaker 1:So I just wonder if that has something to do with it. Potentially, if you're a parent out there and you identify as someone who must be selfless because you have little human beings that are relying on you, maybe that's crossing over to other areas of your identity as well. So I would say that's something worth. That's something worth exploring also, because I can only imagine you have a little one, two, three, four, five years in and all you know is being selfless for that creature Creature, the human, little human. But I just I think of little kids as little creatures in a cute way, not a weird way. So I wonder if that might have something to do with it. I don't know, because I've never experienced that. I don't have that experience, but I can imagine that probably plays into it as well.
Speaker 1:So this is a very, a very hyper, conscious and explorative episode where it's a good opportunity for you to sit down and say okay, when's the last time, when's the turn is doing singing lessons. She's been doing singing lessons, something she's wanted to do. She came to me and said hey, what do you think? I said, sure, that's gonna fulfill you, do it. That's awesome. What is your version of that? What is your version of jujitsu? What is your version of singing lessons, art classes, whatever?
Speaker 1:It may be that the reason you're not doing it is not just because of finances. Maybe finances is the comfortable place you're willing to go, where you say, you know, 60 bucks a month for this spin class. Just, I Don't know, that would be really stretching it when, if there was $60 a month for something else, completely unrelated, you'd be willing to do it. So maybe that's just a layer, one truth. So dig into that, do you don't? Do you not feel like you deserve it? Are you afraid to let yourself down or you're afraid to disappoint others? Sit with that. That's my next level nugget. This is one of those internal searches. We can talk about it and maybe something will break free, but it's gonna be what you do in your free time after this episode. That, I really think is the the most valuable piece.
Speaker 2:This is a generous time of year the holidays and I love the generosity. But if you're investing a ton of money into other people as much as I adore that just ask yourself you know you're willing to spend a hundred bucks on that gift for that loved one. Are you willing to spend a hundred bucks on your own personal development? I, I want to see you grow. I want to see you become better. I want to see you investing in yourself. I just do, and and I know that people investing in their own personal development, their own self-improvement, their own, their own passions and their own purpose and their own growth, their own personal growth, is gonna be what's best for the world. So I encourage that. I'm not saying not to be generous. I'm saying be as generous with yourself as you are with others, and I think that that's gonna be a Much bigger, better, brighter future than what would have been otherwise.
Speaker 1:And I'm not saying that you should Invest in us.
Speaker 1:I'm biased, so I do think you should, because I think everything that we offer is super aligned, based on what you hear on the podcast.
Speaker 1:But whatever it is for you, if it's a book, if it's a course, if it's a coach, therapy, a counselor, a therapist, whatever it may be physical therapy, personal trainer Whatever it is, even if it's not and are you related, do it if you think it will benefit you in the long. If you have not yet joined our private Facebook group, next level nation will have the link in the show notes, as we always do, but it is a group of humans who have similar core values, similar core beliefs and similar core aspirations to you. These are people who want to be more authentic, they want to be more vulnerable and, most of all, they want to get to the next level. Whatever that means for them doesn't mean growing a massive business or becoming a millionaire or a billionaire. It means getting to the next level of their life. So if that resonates with you, link will be in the show notes, as always. We would absolutely love to have you there.
Speaker 2:This young 16 year old that I was on the zoom with the interwebs with was pumped and excited to grow and to learn and I asked a question. I said how did you, how did you become such a growth mindset when you're 16? Because I had more of a fixed mindset than him at 16, for sure. And he said my mom, my mom puts on the podcast In the car every time we're in the car and I was like that is so cool. But anyways, when he heard the price you know he doesn't make a ton of money yet he's young and he got scared and I am going to audio him and I'm gonna say maybe group coaching is more aligned. Group coaching is much more affordable than one-on-one coaching. That is for a reason. I do believe One-on-one coaching is more customized. I do believe it's deeper. I do believe for people that want to get to the next level, I do believe that's the best option. But there's something to be said for being on a team of like-minded people for a cheaper, more affordable price, and when I say cheaper, I mean more, more affordable. We've worked really hard on this program. The amount of value that this program will give you for the price point is wild. It's wild. So with the promo code NLU listener, you can go to the website, click the link in the show notes NLU listener. It comes to less than 97 dollars per month.
Speaker 2:Okay, if you've been Curious, if you've been out there like I really want to get a coach or I really want to do this, but I'm not sure I and you're feeling like you don't want to invest in yourself or you're unsure, you're reluctant, give it a shot, check it out. A team of 10 like-minded people. This is our 12th group. We're about to close. 13th group, january 2nd. A team of 10 like-minded, heart-driven individuals ready to get to the next level Health, wealth and love. This is a very well-polished program. At this point, take the leap of faith. Worst, worst, worst case scenario. You pay for one month, you hate the program and you tell Kevin and I Okay, that's the worst case scenario.
Speaker 1:Sorry, that's why I was laughing. Kevin just broke, your chair just broke, yeah.
Speaker 2:All right, so invest in group coaching. We're going to buy Kevin a new chair. No, I'm kidding. If you've had the itch, if you've had the itch but you're afraid to invest in yourself, please have the courage to give this a shot. Okay, worst case scenario, it's a month. Okay, $97,. So give it a shot and the link will be in the show notes.
Speaker 1:My goodness sorry about that. Tomorrow, for episode number 1,551, what would happen if you started honoring yourself first? So, similarly in line to what Alan said, my chair's all, jeff. What if what's best for you is what's best for the world? I think we're going to go in a direction similar to that. I'm not really sure because it was an Alan thought, so I don't remember exactly the story for that episode, but, as always, we'll make sure we add value and maybe you'll get a giggle or two also.
Speaker 2:Most likely.
Speaker 1:I think it's convenient.
Speaker 2:Whether they're laughing at us or with us. Either way, my chair.
Speaker 1:I almost did an ass over tea kettle. Almost just happened here. I almost went backwards. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.
Speaker 2:You are worth it. Have a nice journey.
