Next Level University

#1563 - One Powerful Reframe On Money

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros discuss their financial struggles to a place of abundance. They've learned that money's true value lies not in accumulation but in its potential to uplift and empower. They tackle the often-taboo subject of wealth, examining our emotional ties to money and how a scarcity mindset can hinder our ability to give, embarking on an intimate journey through our financial pasts, present ambitions, and the remarkable impact generosity can have on our lives and the world around us. This conversation is a powerful reminder that the path toward financial freedom is not just about the money in our bank accounts but the generosity in our hearts. By redefining our relationship with money to include a generous spirit, we open ourselves to a more prosperous, meaningful world of wealth.

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Show notes:
(1:33) Scarcity mindset
(2:40) Redefining money
(5:07) Relationship with money
(7:33) Alligned intentions
(10:58) Goal-setting
(14:14) Sense of responsibility 
(16:56) Kim thanks Kevin for going above and beyond in helping launch the Peaceful Productivity podcast.
(17:56) Give a portion and empowerment
(20:37) Personal growth and giving back
(23:43) The power of generosity
(27:45) The cycle
(31:21) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level university, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1562 how asking the right questions will change your life. Today, for episode number 1563, one powerful reframe on money. If you are someone who identifies as having a money block, maybe you are raised in a household that didn't have a lot of money. Maybe your parents villainized people who have a lot of money and that is perpetuated in the media and TV and Movies and all that stuff, and maybe for you you just think money is a bad thing or you don't deserve money or it is selfish to have a lot of money. My goal today is to hopefully at least create an opportunity to reframe that.

Speaker 1:

I was thinking of this recently because for a long time I was afraid or Embarrassed or ashamed to admit how much I valued money. I'm somebody who values money a lot. I grew up without a lot of money. There wasn't a lot of financial certainty and I had the assumption, right or wrong, that if I had money, things would be okay. If I have money, yes, I have more options and more opportunities. It doesn't necessarily mean things are gonna be okay and I found that out in my mid 20s. But we won't go down that, that whole story. Today I Often see an Allen. I've told you this behind the scenes and I've I've mentioned this on this podcast.

Speaker 1:

One of the most frustrating things for me, one of the saddest things for me, is when I see somebody I know put a go fund me up on Facebook. That's usually where it goes up and it's for like a couple thousand dollars for something, maybe it's. I have a pet who needs surgery, or this person's house burned down, or this person was in a car accident and they need medical coverage, whatever it may be. One of the things that frustrates me the most is I can't just pay for the whole thing. Now I understand that's not everybody's goal, that's not what everybody wants to do and to some people that might seem Over, that might seem too much, that might seem like why would you ever do that? That's my one of the things that drives me. It just I don't know. It's the way I am and that's that's always the way I've aspired to be.

Speaker 1:

The reframe that I think could be beneficial for somebody who's dealing with any sort of money block. It's not about making money, it's about giving money. If you're somebody who really really desires to impact people, one of the ways you're gonna be able to do that is to give money or give opportunity, or give clothes, or give shelter or give Whatever give a vehicle, whatever it may be and I know a lot of us have a block around money, maybe because we don't think we deserve it. But do you feel like other people deserve the certainty that money could bring? That's really my. My goal in this episode is to have an open conversation about that.

Speaker 1:

Tara and I, on Christmas Eve, we stopped at Dunkin Donuts and got a couple gift cards for family, and I Remember I'm blessed now where, if I don't want to work on Christmas Eve, I don't have to, and I remember what it was like to work at various jobs where the last place in the world I wanted to be was at work. I wanted to be home with family or doing whatever I wanted to do, and I didn't have that opportunity and the the gentleman behind the counter was just very kind and very respectful and very positive, considering he was working on a holiday, so I gave him a $20 tip and One of the reasons I'm grateful for our business growth. As much as it's nice to have nicer things and have more certainty Is that I can be more giving, and I would argue that that drives me probably just as much as Having nice things for myself. So that's my, my goal, my GM in today's episode is to have an open conversation about that and see what lands.

Speaker 2:

Well, I think that the part of this episode that I want to jump into, to piggyback on what Kevin saying, is that you're I was actually with one of the team members earlier and we were talking about I'm trying this new thing in 2024, where I'm not asking intentions, I'm. I have this quote that I use where, if you want was what you needed, you'd already have it. So you're coming to me as your coach. I want to ask you where you're succeeding and where you're struggling and then kind of Ask my brain and my intuition where I think we should go. In other words, I care more about what you need than what you want, as much as that might sound hardcore. So what this person I think needed was a conversation about money, and we have her tracking her spending now, which is great. But I said zero to ten.

Speaker 2:

Where's your relationship with money? She said lately it's been going up, but I'd say probably a five. I said okay, when was it the best? She said back when I was working full-time. I was tracking everything, I had a budget, I had spreadsheets, I was on top of it, blah, blah, blah. And then I had kids and my husband went to work. I was a stay-at-home mom and then I kind of fell off. I fell off the tracking, I fell off of making money, I fell off of everything. And now she's on her way back. But we ended up saying, okay, five, where's it headed up or down? She said definitely up. I said, okay, great. So therefore you feel more in control of your own financial future. She said yes.

Speaker 2:

So what I wanna talk to the listeners about here is your relationship with money. Whatever that is zero to 10, just give yourself a rating. What's your assessment? What's your number? 10 meaning super positive. You feel 10 out of 10 in control of money. You feel like you can earn more. You feel like you know where to put it, you know where it's coming from, you know where it's going. 10 out of 10 is someone who has just has such a positive relationship with money. It's a very good feeling when you think of your own money, your own financial future. A zero would be struggle bus. Don't know where any money's coming from. You don't feel in control of your own income. You don't feel like you know where it's coming or where it's going. You feel completely out of control and freaking out. Okay, so, whatever that number is, which way? Is it headed up or down? And when it comes to helping that go up, that's the goal of this episode at least my goal and when Kev's talking about giving, what he's actually doing underneath that is building a better relationship with money. So I, kevin I'm speaking for him, but he's right here I, kevin, work hard so that I can be generous when I wanna be. So I work hard and earn money, which improves my relationship with money, and then I give money generously when it's aligned and that actually is another positive with money.

Speaker 2:

Long time ago, three or four years ago now, kevin's wife, taryn, sent me a long text about John Gottman's work. John Gottman is someone who studies relationships and essentially, in the shortest possible form, I'm condensing decades of research into one little quip here, for lack of a better phrasing. But essentially what it is is there's something called a bid. A bid is if I put my hand out and Kevin shakes my hand, he received my bid positively. So for every five times I ask Kevin to shake my hand and he shakes my hand back. That's five positive bids. A negative bid would be like screw you, man, nope. So my relationship with Kevin has at least five positive associations. For every negative situation. I would say it's actually even higher. It's probably 20 to one. So extraordinary, extraordinary, extraordinary relationships have a 20 to one ratio, meaning there's 20 positive experiences for every one really negative, traumatic, destructive experience, and then 10 to one is like really really good, and then five to one is the minimum to not get divorced. In John Gottman's work again, I'm condensing what I wanna talk about is your relationship with money, and what Kevin is referring to here is that not only does he get a positive bid making and earning money, but earning is the key word Not stealing it, not hoodwinking, not selling something not valuable, but earning it in an aligned way. That's a positive. But then giving it in an aligned way is also a positive. So he's building a positive relationship with money.

Speaker 2:

I've had times in the past where I made a lot of money but I didn't like the way I was making it.

Speaker 2:

I was selling industrial automation equipment.

Speaker 2:

I wasn't doing anything illegal, but I remember going into a manufacturing facility and I actually took jobs.

Speaker 2:

So I sold a lot of manufacturing equipment Machine vision is what it's called and these other people that were checking the products on the line actually were losing their jobs because they were automating.

Speaker 2:

Now automation is happening regardless of whether or not I do it or someone else does it, but I would rather be a part of the solution than the problem. So, yeah, I used to make $12,000 bi-weekly, but I wasn't doing it in an aligned way, so my relationship with money wasn't improving, even though my bank account was. Now, when I earn money selling, group coaching or whatever it is it's something that I believe in so deeply that it actually improves my relationship with money. And then, when Kevin and I do really well at the end of the year, we can be more generous. When we're winning now, the world wins, now the team wins, you can be more generous, so it's a luxury to be generous. And then, when you are generous now, you're creating an even better relationship with money, and so some people have a very toxic, negative, destructive relationship with money. Other people have a really positive, constructive, generous relationship with money, and we're hoping to help you get on that end more.

Speaker 1:

I don't know if this is before, I don't know the order of this, but long before I was ever an entrepreneur or a business owner, and probably long before I was ever making any decent amount of money, one of my goals was to go to the mall. This was back when people went to the mall. People don't go to the mall as much as they used to, but go to the mall around Christmas time or around the holiday time and buy a single parent's entire cart. Or maybe around Thanksgiving, go to the grocery store and buy, and they don't have to be a single parent, but just someone who looked like they could use the help. And I don't mean that in a judgmental way, just in a way of trying to find someone who would benefit from some level of financial assistance. That's always been a goal of mine, long before I ever had goals of building a business with Alan or any of that. What is the way I can do that relatively stress-free? I can use that as inspiration to rebuild my relationship with money.

Speaker 1:

I have regretted a lot of things that I've purchased for sure, and I've spent money in many, many stupid ways over the 34 years I've existed on this earth, but I've never regretted donating to something or giving a tip to someone who deserved it, or any of that. The only regrets I've ever had was I couldn't leave more. That's like the big thing for me. I am upset that I couldn't give that person more money. Now again, that's a fine line and you can take that too far and that might not be healthy. I'm not saying my relationship with money is ideal or positive. It has its things for sure, and I'm sure there's reasons I like to take care of people financially. But if I'm able to take that and turn that into the most positive version of it, I'm probably gonna work harder than I would if it was just for me. Even if you said, even if I said well, I want to. My goal is the next, however many years.

Speaker 1:

I don't want Taryn to have to work. I want her to be able to do what she wants. If she wants to work and go do what she wants to do, she does it. I'm probably going to do more for us than I am just myself. I want to be able to give opportunity and, yeah, certain level of opportunity to Taryn. But I want to make sure that when we get Instacart and the person's awesome.

Speaker 1:

I can change their day a little bit, not necessarily change their life. That's a goal eventually. But again, you can take that too far. But just that $20,. This is what I said to Taryn. I said $20 probably isn't gonna change that kid's life but and she said, well, it might change his day, it might change his attitude, it might change the conversations he has for the rest of the day or the way he interacts with people or the way he looks at people who drive nice cars. That might change something. And I said, yeah, that's a really good shift. So I'm not saying you have to donate a million dollars a year to something, but if you find yourself struggling with your relationship with money, your mindset around money, maybe saying well, if I had the goal to do more for others, what would that do with my relationship? Because we know we will often do far more for others than we'll do for ourselves. I don't think money is any different when it comes to it.

Speaker 2:

Well, this goes into a deeper conversation about responsibility, and I was on with a client earlier today. Do they call it boxing day in Canada? Oh, you did know that. No, that's not a US thing, right, or is it? I was like we're gonna box. She's like no, no, no, boxing day.

Speaker 2:

So, anyways, for any of the Canadian listeners, I apologize for my ignorance, but I didn't know what she was talking about. She's like the day after Christmas, helen. I'm like okay, we're awesome. So, anyways, we were on the phone and I said zero to 10, how much responsibility do you take for the bigger, better and brighter future of your family? She said 10. I said, okay, this other person that you're having challenges with in your extended family, how much responsibility do they take? She was like, oh, mm, she's like yep. I said unconsciously how much? She said maybe a one. I said that's why, that's why.

Speaker 2:

But here's the thing we talked a little bit about detaching from outcome. Make sure you take the right amount of responsibility, all kinds of stuff but for the purposes of this episode, when you take more responsibility, you have to become more so. In this episode, kevin is not only taking responsibility for his own financial future, but he's also taking responsibility for a portion of Terrence, financial future and for being generous to other people, which means he has to become more, and when he becomes more he'll earn more. And so this is kind of the unsung, unwritten rule of personal growth. You basically take on more responsibility. I mean NLU. I'll share this courageously with our listeners. Nlu is not taking responsibility just for our success. If that was the case, we would just focus on our success, we would have stayed in corporate, we would have done our thing right, we would have taken care of our families. Whatever. Nlu took on more responsibility than that. It takes on the responsibility for our listeners' success Not all of it, it's on you too, right, but and for our communities' success and for our clients' success. And so when we do that, it is more responsibility and it's more burdened and it's more challenge and it's more difficult and it's more pressure. We call it aligned pressure, privileged pressure, aligned overwhelm, but it also is squatting heavier weight and we become stronger because of it.

Speaker 2:

And when we become stronger we earn more. Because when you grow, you have the potential to increase capabilities and consciousness and therefore earn more capital. And when you earn more capital, then you can be more generous with it. And so as we grow, we earn more, and when we earn more we can be more generous. And so, whether it's five cents out of every dollar that you earn, if you make $100,000, now, you can donate $5,000. And it doesn't have to be $5,000 to one charity. It could be $100 here, $100 there, $50 there, $20 there. It can be tips throughout the year. It doesn't have to be this big monumentous thing, but there's no reason why you can't earn a certain amount and then take a small percentage of that and then be generous with it to people you want to help. And I do think that if you do that, you not only will earn more but the world will be a better place, and I think that we're all doing that.

Speaker 2:

For Kev, it's more generosity with money. For me, it's more equipping. It's I'll buy a book for any kid who wants one. I mean, we do books for babes every year and we donate books to kids. We literally traveled to schools, we wrote handwritten letters and we brought these boxes of books to these schools, and some of these schools were not nice. They were very, not nice. Very not nice is the description, but it gave me so much perspective, because it's like holy crap. I mean, kevin and I definitely weren't at the best schools in the world by any means, but better than these ones for sure. And so to me I want to give back and be generous with consciousness and helping people grow and helping people learn and education.

Speaker 2:

Kevin likes to be more generous with money. We always say give a man a fish, teach, teach him for a day. Feed him in a. No, what was it? Hold on. Give a man a fish Feed. Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. I'm butchering it. Give a man a fish or a woman. Give a man or a woman a fish feed he or she for a day. Teach a woman to fish feed he or she for a lifetime.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

Kev always said why can't we feed them while we teach them? And that was a new perspective for me, because to me it was like listen, instead of giving them 20 bucks for a tip, give them a book that's worth 20 bucks. That'll earn them 200 or 5,000 or 10,000. I mean the compound effect. That book has earned me so much money. I'd rather equip you than just give you money. But to his point, sometimes money solves some short term stuff that allows someone to free them up to think long term, and I've really driven to five on that with you, kev.

Speaker 1:

I have. And I understand why we both do what we were given.

Speaker 2:

I was given education and not necessarily just given money. You were given money and that helped. And now I give you education. You give me money. I'm joking, but at the end of the day, all of this is a giving, altruistic cycle, yin and yang, and you must earn in order to give, and when you do you'll create a better relationship with money, you'll become more and then you'll have more to give. And it's this wonderful upward trajectory, hopefully and I'm sure there was a scarce time in your life where someone was there for you in either generosity with money or generosity with their time or listening- or teaching you or whatever, because, again, alan and I are talking openly about money.

Speaker 1:

That always makes me a little bit nervous because I don't want I can hear it in my mind of well, I'm worried about paying for lunch. The last thing I'm concerned with is how big of a tip I leave. And trust me, I understand, I completely understand. I've been there and I'm not saying you have to think the same way I do. It's just, this is helpful for me. It's very beneficial for me to come with this frame of mind. It's just, it's always helped me and it fills me up giving, giving money or donating it, whatever it is. I don't want to just say giving money, but that's usually the way it goes for me. Giving a big tip to a waiter or waitress or an Uber driver or an Instacart driver, whatever it is. That is just something that has always filled me up, that fills my cup. That fills my cup and it inspires me to do more so I can do that again and think of it this way.

Speaker 1:

Maybe you don't have an ultimate goal of how much money you want to make in your life. If you don't, don't worry, most people don't. I have thoughts about how much I want to give in my life as well. That's something that really, really drives me. So, as much as I want to have a certain amount of money in the bank, I also want to give a certain amount of money, and that drives me.

Speaker 1:

It might not drive you to the same degree, but maybe there is somewhere you could tap in that would be inspirational. So the last thing I want is someone to hear this and say well, I'm struggling to pay the bills, never mind Leave a big tip. I completely understand nothing but empathy for that. I'm not saying that you should adopt my mindset when it comes to this, because it has its flaws, just like everything else. It just is something that serves me. It has served me for a long time and maybe there is some positive spin that you can put on it for yourself. But, as always, filter it through your own experiences and, probably most importantly, your own circumstances.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think this is connected for all of us with, however you're called to serve, whether it's money or whatever the very last thing I'll share Going to those schools, those inner city schools, and bringing those books in with the handwritten letters. And it changes you because we all have so many challenges and so many difficulties and there were parts of my upbringing that were really not good. But, as a 35 year old man who now has a business and a team and a great place to live, and it's just when you go back, when you go back to seeing how little some people have, it changes you, it drives you. It drives you. Thank you it it.

Speaker 2:

Emilia and I drove in a nice, beautiful Tesla with our nice clothing and we brought boxes of books, brand new books, beautiful books to these schools. And I just walk into these schools and it's just like holy crap, whoa, look how far we've come. And it just drives the hell out of you. It's like let's do more, we can do more, and I just think it changes you and you have to do something like that. Whatever that is for you, for me it's education. It always has been, it always will be For you. Maybe it's to Kevin's point. Maybe it is donating an extra tip, making someone's day, someone who's working on Christmas? Whatever it is, you've got to have it. That'll drive the hell out of you, and when it drives you, you'll become more, and when you become more, you'll have more to give. So figure out whatever it is for you and I'm telling you dial that up.

Speaker 2:

Dial it up. It's not a bad thing, it's a good thing. Some of these schools were awful and it was just like holy crap, I am so lucky, I'm so blessed and I worked super hard to get here. I don't take anything from that. It's not like I started here right, but wow, if it wasn't for my education, no chance I would have gotten here. So that just drives the hell out of me.

Speaker 1:

You know, we'll have it on you for kids one day.

Speaker 2:

For sure, for sure.

Speaker 1:

Right, and it's because of that stuff Even if you were just to do it on an energy level, I find that the happiest people that are the most positive are also thinking of the people, their impact. It's really easy to be a dick. It's very easy to be a dick, it's not hard. But if you're, I like to think of other people when I'm out in public and I like to make people laugh and I like to make people smile, and my goal is just to, if they can have a little bit more of a positive day, that's awesome, Regardless of how my day is going, I try.

Speaker 1:

I'm not, again, I'm not perfect. I'm not a saint. I have my days, trust me, but I'm trying to do it as much for the other person, if not more, than I'm trying to do it for myself. And so, even if we're not talking about money maybe it's just energetics I think there's something to be said about that too. Now, again, you don't want to obsess over the way people view you or you don't want to obsess over the level of judgment you're getting, but if we just had a mindset of I'm going to go out today and with my personality, with my energy, with my presence, I'm going to make someone's day. That's the same thing I'm talking about in terms of money, but that's just with energy. So, even if it's, even if for you money isn't the thing and you're not, you're not, you don't want to have that conversation or you're not in the place to have that. Yet I think, with the energy, with the personality, with the positivity, that's the same, the same type of thing.

Speaker 1:

If you're having a bad day and you're going out, one of the best ways to try to improve your day is to try to make somebody else's day, because you're not as focused on on you. We've done this before. If you want to be less self-conscious, be others conscious. Now again, you could flip a coin, because I'm going to say this a million times yes, you can take that too far and unfortunately I know a lot of us have.

Speaker 1:

But that would be my next level nugget. It doesn't just have to be about money, because I know money is such a it's such a challenging topic not only to talk about, because the last thing I want to do is is come off as someone arrogant or someone conceded or whatever it is. But I know we all have a different relationship with it, and somebody who's talking from a frame of a certain relationship might come off a certain way to somebody who has a certain relationship and it's just very challenging. So even if we said, from an energy perspective, when you go out you might be having a rough day, but if you wanted to make the person in front of you have a better day maybe a better day than you're having that is something you could flip it to as well.

Speaker 2:

I would say Next level nugget for me. I appreciate it. Very good episode, Okay, strong work. I think it needs to be in the right syntax, but I think it's an unbelievable thing. The syntax is simple. This is my opinion, my belief.

Speaker 2:

Number one focus on your growth first. When you grow into a better version of you, the whole world gets better. Number two give, Give. And number three make sure. Well, I think number two would be improve the quality of your life. So, number one improve the quality of yourself. Number two improve the quality of your life. And then, number three give, give back and then let those feed each other. See how that's a cycle, and as long as it's your growth, first, it's sustainable. Right, I grow my income, I improve my quality of life, and then I give, which makes me want to grow even more. It's an upward, it's a beautiful thing, it's a win-win-win and it's doable and it's sustainable. And it's what we were never taught. It's what we were never taught. I had no idea. I was just running around unconsciously not knowing how to do this as a kid and fortunately, as adults, we've kind of figured it out, at least in terms of Figured out some stuff In order. I would say we figured out a lot more than we started, A lot more than I expected.

Speaker 1:

And here's the thing if this episode for you, it's not the right time, throw it in the garbage and revisit it later, but I do think there's something there for all of us. I do. It might not be the same for me and for Alan and it is for you, but I think there's something there and even if it helps you look at your relationship with money from a different perspective, I would say that is a positive spin. So there's always something to take away, even if it's not the intended thing. Yes, kev, yes.

Speaker 2:

You remember the grow giver. Some people are go getters and they're selfish, and some people are go givers and they end up martyrs because they over give at the expense of self. And the grow giver is someone who grows first, then gives and then grows more and then gives, and then grows more and then gives. So be a grow giver.

Speaker 1:

If you are also looking for your people, you're looking for a positive community. If you're looking for positive content, if you're looking for a place where you can be yourself and you don't have to worry about being made fun of or whatever you're dealing with. Please join our private Facebook group, next Level Nation, a positive group of people who want to get a little bit better every day so they can leave their unique impact on the world. We're all dream chasers in our own way. You don't have to be a business owner, you don't have to be an entrepreneur, but if you're someone who wants more out of life, next Level Nation is for you. Link will be in the show notes, as always.

Speaker 2:

If you'd like to be around more grow givers similar to Kevin and myself, group coaching is the place. Group 13 starts on January 2nd. The link is in the show notes. Use promo code NLUListener. All one word. It comes to $97 per month for the three months. Very, very affordable for a reason Ten like-minded individual, 90 days. There is six sessions with Kevin, myself and you. Different sessions, wealth, health, love. Then there's connection calls every single week in between. You're getting 12 sessions for $97 a month for the three months. It's wildly affordable on purpose. Ten like-minded people, private WhatsApp group you name it Guidebooks. It's a well-polished product at this point. If you're a new listener and haven't heard about it, check it out. The landing page is in the show notes. If you're a long-term listener, you've heard about it about 8,000 times.

Speaker 1:

Now is the time Maybe it's time to give it a shot. Tomorrow, episode number 1,564. Sometimes going backwards isn't actually going backwards. I was talking to someone today about this and it reminded me of a funny story now, but at the time it seemed like the end of the world. So I will share that tomorrow, in tomorrow's episode. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2:

Become a grow giver, next time on Nation.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host