Next Level University

#1585 - Is Your Regret Real?

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Have you ever stood at the crossroads of a life-altering decision, your heart heavy with the weight of potential regret? In today’s episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros delve into the powerful emotions accompanying the pursuit of progress and the transformation it can bring. They explore the possibility that regret, rather than signaling a mistake, might just be the growing pains of realignment with our true selves. They also discuss the sacrifices we usually make on the road to success, which might hurt now but promise a brighter future.

Links mentioned:
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level Dreamliner - https://a.co/d/f1FWAQA

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Show notes:
(1:30) Candid recounting about the nature of regret 
(5:02) Pain of sacrifices precedes rewards
(8:14) From the known to the unknown
(10:09) Two ways to view regret
(14:31) Alex highlights how Next Level Business Solutions helped him optimize his time for maximum productivity.
(15:09) Understanding the motives behind our actions
(18:27) The best teachers
(23:13) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin:

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode. It was yesterday's episode, episode number 1,584. Nobody knows what the hell they're doing. That fits very well with the way I feel today, for sure.

Kevin:

Today episode number 1,585 is your regret real? I've told this story before, but I think it's one of the best and most relatable stories when it comes to regret, and I just want to start this off by saying I think for many of us, regret is a realization. So let's just think of that. As I tell this story, I was in a relationship. Alan always laughs when I talk about these stories. I don't think this one's one of those. But I was in a relationship. I hope not. It wasn't great and I had those moments of look, I'd probably be better off if I was single. I'd probably be better off if I wasn't committed to this person. I don't really know if this relationship is great for me. It's definitely not the most positive relationship I've ever been in. I mean, it wasn't anything too terrible, but even that right Doesn't sound great.

Alan:

So it's not too terrible. Hey, how's it going in your relationship? Well, it's not too terrible. How's the snake here?

Kevin:

It's not terrible, it's not too terrible. All right, I'll get the chicken. I'll never forget this. I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I was texting with this my girlfriend at the time and I remember I sent the message and it was like, honestly, let's just not do this anymore. We both know this isn't going to work. We both know this is not going to last. Let's just not do this anymore. And she's like, yeah, ok, that was all right. Cool, that was easy, easier than I expected.

Kevin:

But then I had that moment of regret of I don't know. I don't think it was that bad.

Alan:

Did I just make a?

Kevin:

giant mistake. Did I just make a giant mistake? Same thing happened when I left my job. I had that moment. Humans are so good at justifying things after we take action. I had that moment of was it really that bad? Was I really? Was my mental health really that bad? And for those listening, maybe at the first time I was having suicidal ideation. So, yeah, my mental health was not in a good space. Was it really that bad to travel? I stayed in some sketchy hotels.

Alan:

Yeah, it was pretty bad.

Kevin:

Was it really bad crawling through addicts with asbestos when it was like 130 degrees up there? That wasn't very enjoyable. So the reason I led this off with I think for a lot of us, regret is a realization. Regret for a lot of us is a realization that things are changing and we're going from misaligned certainty to potentially aligned uncertainty. And I've said that before when we've done similar episodes.

Kevin:

But how many times have we made a decision, had that regret and then not followed through with the decision and then been stuck in the same place that we've been stuck in and eventually, usually we go through some big enough change or enough pain and then maybe we're willing to push through the regret. So, yeah, that's where I want to take this episode. Is your regret real? All I'm saying with that is I think a lot of us get regret or feel regret or have regret when we take an action that is more aligned than not. But we have that moment of questioning ourselves Is this right? Did I make the right decision? Was that partner really that bad? Was that job really that bad? We have a way of saying, well, now that it's gone, I miss it, even though when I had it I didn't really want it in the first place, so that's where I want to take this episode.

Alan:

So the pain of the trade-off always comes long before the benefit. I think that's what makes life so difficult. Whether you lose a client, or you lose a relationship, or you lose. It's almost like, okay, I want to start a new fitness regimen. The pain comes long before the results. The trade off is I'm gonna trade. I'm doing a blog right now on the 5s's of success. We've talked about them before, but the first one is sacrifice. The sacrifice comes long before the benefit, long before success. It's actually the very first of the 5s's sacrifice. Sacrifice almost never feels good. I think all progress comes down to giving something up now for something better later.

Kevin:

It's really hard to do that, yeah it's brutal, especially if you don't know if it's gonna work.

Alan:

That makes it 10 times harder. What's a good example of this? I've been going on a lot of podcasts lately. It's been really good, it's been enjoyable.

Alan:

And again enjoyable is probably the wrong phrasing. I think some have been good, some have been bad. There have been a couple hosts that were ding-dongs that I really regretted, but I think overall it's been good for me. There's a big difference between me saying it's been good for me in terms of my craft as a podcaster, my desire to serve, my ability to stay myself in all these different dynamics to answer the questions, and I do believe it's been good for all the listeners. It's been good for the hosts as well. Obviously, we've worked on our craft a lot. I think we can add a lot of value on a podcast, but my point is that there have been moments and shout out to Laura.

Alan:

Laura is the one who leads the department of other media and she's asked is this too many? Are you going on too many or do you want to dial it down? Do you want to dial it up? I'm always trying to dial it up or down and lately it's been. I've been really overwhelmed. I've been having trouble getting it all done and there have been a few moments of is this worth it? Should I dial this back? Should I consider going on less shows?

Alan:

And it comes down to I either level up or I decide to go back, to go backward. So I think all progress comes with a trade-off. There's no such thing as something for nothing, and whether it's Kev leaving his partner and then afterwards being like I don't know, isn't that courage? And that's when courage comes in and goes no. Trust that you made the right call, trust yourself, trust that this is going to be better, even though right now it's brutal. And if we can hang in that, if you can hang in the storm, the other side, if you can hang in the storm, can be really, really, really good. It can be. And if you can't hang in the storm, it's going to be tough and you're going to have to go back to the previous level.

Kevin:

How many yeah, that's really it for me how many decisions have we made and then gone back on because we felt the regret in advance, but all the regret was saying was look, you're going from the known to the unknown. That's really. And again, at least in this example, do I have things I regret? Of course, 100%, but a lot of the things that, a lot of the things that I changed, I made large changes. I had a lot of the inner dialogue of I don't know if it was that bad before. I don't know if it was as bad as you think it was. Every time.

Alan:

Well, it's not as bad as the pain you're facing in that moment.

Kevin:

Right, that's the thing, yeah, right right Every time and I've left a lot of jobs and I've done it recklessly many times and I almost every time had that moment of, oh my goodness, I think I screwed up. It wasn't that bad, it wasn't as bad as you think it was it or and I don't know if this happens to you, but you have that moment where then you see all the shining times Like, oh yeah, but you remember that time when we went to that place, we were working on the ocean, it was so nice. Remember that. But remember when my partner and I went on that trip, that was awesome.

Kevin:

Yeah, that was really cool. I don't know. I think your brain is just. It's just trying to trick you into staying safe. Yeah, definitely, and what's certain is often safe. You'll grab on to a barbed wire fence if you're gonna fall off a cliff. If you're hanging off the edge of a cliff, you don't care if it's a rope or a piece of wood that's gonna give you splinters or a barbed wire fence. You're just grabbing on something. You need certainty. You wanna stay safe.

Alan:

And.

Alan:

I know that's kind of an intense analogy, but but in that analogy, the truth of the matter is you're actually on a movie set and there's a mattress right underneath your feet and it just looks like the side of a cliff because your brain is playing tricks on you. There's two ways to view regret. One of them this is the I've never really contemplated this way. This way is I made a decision that I knew was aligned and then I felt regret and had to power through it Versus. What I usually talk about in regret is what do you regret from your past? That's actually an indicator that you can make a change now. And that's the other side of this coin, which is if everyone were to just think about things they regret from their past.

Alan:

I was emotionally immature for sure. You, me and I just did a conscious couples podcast episode why men struggle in relationships, and it's this idea that they don't have any trauma. We've had several couples that we've coached and the male in the relationship is like, well, I don't really have any trauma. And that's when we know oh no, this is gonna be an uphill battle, like, of course, you do. You've been beaten up in high school or maybe you got bullied or whatever. Like trauma is if you think you have no trauma. You just obviously aren't trauma informed.

Alan:

And I think that I look back at my past and I realized that I probably would have said the same thing in my early 20s Maybe not because I had some serious traumas, but I was definitely emotionally mature. For sure. I didn't understand what the difference between little T trauma and big T trauma is. I didn't understand the difference between emotional intelligence and all that. I didn't understand any of this stuff in my early 20s, and so my point is to bring it back to regret is I do regret that I regret not journaling when I was younger. I regret not reading personal development books. I regret not reading books. I joke with Kev about the time on Facebook when I posted this back in college. I posted a meme on Facebook that said I read somewhere of the dangers of drinking, so I quit reading. It's just brutal.

Alan:

Like not only and again, obviously I was being playful, but I wish that I had read more books. I wish that I had taken that more seriously. I wish I found personal growth earlier. I wish I found personal development earlier. And I do regret being ignorant, and it's not from a place of let's beat Allen up. It's not from a place of self-deprecation, it's really not. I think I have a healthy relationship with this. I just okay, allen, you grew up around no personal growth, zero personal growth. Okay, not your fault. Not your fault, okay. Was there some people who were into growth that you probably could have listened to more? Yes, did some people try to tell you that you grew up in some challenges that you need to?

Kevin:

look at.

Alan:

Yes, okay, not my fault, but it is my responsibility, especially now that I'm a grownup. It's time to look at the past and go I wish, I wish, I wish, and then just implement those wishes. Okay, you wish you were more emotionally mature. Guess what, guess what, get that chance. Okay, you wish you had read more books. Guess what, now you get to read more books. Okay, you wish that you had gone to therapy earlier. 100%, I wish that. Then, oh, stick with therapy. There was a part of me that was like should I go monthly? I feel good. It's like, no, you know what I mean. It's like let's take the one thing Work so well, we stopped doing it.

Kevin:

Yeah, I feel pretty good.

Alan:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel good now you know it's funny. And then I'm like I don't know, your clients sometimes do that and then they regret it. So no, that's not what it is. But at the end of the day, everyone, I think, has the opportunity to re-watch the movie of their own life. From these two frames One what do you regret that you think you made poor choices and you have a chance now you can change that. Now your future can be brighter because of the regrets of your past, if you face the regrets and make a change. And then the second piece is to Kevin's point what did you make a choice and then feel regret and then go back on it when in reality you just needed courage to kind of power through?

Kevin:

And I think those lessons are super important. The self-awareness of that Are there. What are the things that you never regret after you do? Like for me, like donating money, I don't think about it more than once. I do it and then I'm on to the next thing. But if it was by something I didn't need, I might regret that. There are certain things that I purchased that I didn't need and it's like I didn't really do I really need that Definitely more. In the past I don't really. I tend not to do that. Now. I try to just get what I. You know I need some workout shirts. All right, cool, I'll get that, or whatever it is. But I know, on the other end, when I used to go out and I would buy people shots at the bar, I always regretted that I woke up the next day and I always regretted that First thing I would do is I would wake up and I would look at my credit card statement and say, oh my 400 bucks, you idiot.

Alan:

What is wrong with you?

Kevin:

I remember. I remember we went to. I was working as a truck driver, forklift operator. I think I was making $13 an hour at this point, so I was not flush with cash. We went to Toby Keith's. I love this bar, a patriot place, and we were with. We ran into people that I hadn't seen in years. I don't remember much, but I bought everybody around.

Alan:

Yeah, our town frequents that place. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, this was I mean this was.

Kevin:

I was 20, I don't know 23, 22, 23 years old. So I was. I was all. That was the place.

Alan:

Yeah, I was all about it, that was the place.

Kevin:

But as I was handing over my credit card, I was regretting it. I was like you shouldn't have done that, but I was looking for significance Gave me a lot of significance, but it also gave me a lot of regret the next morning, for sure.

Alan:

That's the thing the future self and the current self. The current self liked the significance. The future self was like yo, yeah, no, you're gonna. You're not gonna be happy about this, sir. Yeah because a 400, what 400? Bucks. And you know, as a forklift operator, I don't know how long it takes you to make that back, but Well, that was my car payment.

Kevin:

It's not sustainable.

Alan:

It's not sustainable given.

Kevin:

My car payment at the time was $400. So I just gave a car payment away In an hour, a couple hours, so that's a tough moment.

Alan:

It's a tough moment for the next day. Well, you're hungover too, for sure.

Kevin:

For sure. But now I know that there are certain things. The truth is I wanted to give in both ways. Right, I'm not saying giving somebody a shot at the bar is donating to charity, but I'm going for the same thing. I'm trying to help someone have a good time, I'm trying to help someone out, I'm trying to give, but one of those is not in a lined way compared to the other. So just knowing that about yourself, I think that allows you to live a more aligned life. And then the last thing and this would be my next level nugget would be what we started this episode with. I think for most of us, regret is a realization that something is changing or something has changed, or questioning something. But that realization is not always that you made the wrong decision. I don't know what percentage it is for you, it's probably different for everybody, but I'm willing to bet that a lot of us, the regrets we have. There's just as many regrets when we wish we said yes as there are when we wish we said no.

Alan:

And if we?

Kevin:

can figure that out, we'll save ourselves a lot of pain in the long run, hopefully.

Alan:

Yeah, if you get good at this. My next level nugget is simple Fulfillment and regret are the two best teachers. When you are fulfilled, it means something. There's something to learn about yourself. There's something to learn about what you're doing and how you're living your life. And when you have regret, same deal. And, to Kev's point, it doesn't always mean you made the wrong decision. Maybe it's something you got to push through. But I think regret and fulfillment are the best teachers.

Alan:

I think a lot of people deny themselves of the ability to make better and better and better and better and better choices because they don't want to feel the pain of regret. And for me, every single hangover I regretted it was so bad. I remember sometimes I was like not again, like you do this every other week and you, every time you regret it. So when are you going to learn? And that's my honest inner dialogue. Your future self is trying to tap you on the shoulder and say can you please just learn this lesson? Can you please just listen to me for a minute?

Alan:

And after 26, after I got in that car accident, I really started listening. I started listening and go. You're supposed to. My future self is telling me. It's saying Alan, you got to quit drinking. You got to, no matter what your friends think, no matter what your family thinks, no matter if anyone else thinks you have a drinking problem. I don't even think that many people knew that. I don't think anyone knew I had a drinking problem or even thought I did, and there's definitely some people I spent time with who had a way bigger drinking problem than I did. But it doesn't matter. My future self was saying Alan, you're supposed to stop this and you know it.

Alan:

And when I did, I was fulfilled, so fulfilled in fact, I went and partied no, I'm kidding, but I was fulfilled. And then I would regret it every time I drank again. So fulfillment and regret, that's the next level. Now get best teachers. Just make sure you listen to those two. Listen to what fulfills you, listen to what you regret. And there's something to learn every single time, every single time Next level nation.

Kevin:

If you are looking for a group of humans who value what you value most importantly growth and they value allowing other people to be their authentic selves. I think those are two of the most valuable pieces of being a next level nation. We have a private Facebook group with your name on it, I think, in the show notes. As always, we would love to have you there, but it's just a great place where you can be you, and I know being you, being myself, alan being himself some days it feels really, really hard, but that's exactly why having the right community around you is so important.

Alan:

This episode brought to you by the next level Dreamliner. It's a cruise that will take you to your dreams. No, no, so it is this journal. It's on YouTube. If you're on YouTube, achieve your dreams 90 days at a time. The Dreamliner there's a mountain on the front with a star at the top.

Alan:

So the idea is break your dreams down into yearly goals, down into quarterly milestones, down into daily inch pebbles, which is your daily habits. This morning I've been using it every single day since I got it Top three gratitudes, top three most important tasks, most important win for the day, most important improvement for the day, and then your next level nugget. You can write that there. And then you did. You check off your habits and so it's got notes sections.

Alan:

It's really simple and we made it so that it's easy to do. It's not one of those journals that takes you with 30 minutes to do. It takes me 15 minutes, maybe 10 minutes each morning, and it's designed so you can be consistent, because I know a lot of people like me have bought journals in the past, started journaling for a week and then it sits on a shelf. And so the next level Dreamliner the link will be in the show notes to order it. I highly recommend the soft cover version paperback because it's only you'll get it in like two to three days, but the hard cover if you really want to wait, it's a three week lead time. Currently I have the hard cover one and I have the paperback. Both are great. Check that out. Look at that next level university logo right on the back yeah.

Alan:

Dreamliner, and if you type in next level Dreamliner on Amazon, we will be the fifth one down after several planes. Well, head on over.

Kevin:

We're going to have the link. Link in the show notes, yeah, link in the show notes for the Dreamliner and shout out to the amazing products team who put so much time, energy, effort and focus into that. I appreciate you.

Alan:

Lizzie, jeri Ann, amy, big shout out Products team. Thank you so much.

Kevin:

All right Tomorrow for episode number 1586, one way to be real about your priorities. Yeah, that's kind of a Jeff title, because you can only really have one priority, but you know it is what it is. So that's what we're going to talk about tomorrow. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we run a fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Alan:

Keep learning from regret, next time on nation.

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

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