#1589 - The 2 Types Of Self-Belief

In today’s episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros explore the profound impact of self-belief and strategic planning on personal and relational development. It is often said that to achieve greatness in life, one must have a strong belief in oneself and the ability to navigate life’s complexities with a sound strategy. This conversation delves into these concepts, illuminating the path to success and fulfillment.

Links mentioned:
`Peak Performance Consultation with Alan - https://calendly.com/alanlazaros/15-minute-call-with-alan?month=2024-01
Email 💬
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

`60-Minute Podcast Consultation with Kevin -
https://calendly.com/kevinpalmieri/1-hour-podcast-consultation-with-kevin?month=2024-01
Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com

`Next Level Monthly Meetup #26: “3 Words You Need to Remember if You Want a Next Level Relationship” on February 1st, 2024, 06:00 PM EST - https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZUrf-6vpj0jHd3dtDOIDDagugoZEJ2Zz14I#/registration 

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NLU is far more than just a podcast, and we have so many more resources to help you achieve your goals and dreams.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - ​​https://bit.ly/3xffver
Next Level U Book Club - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-book-club/
Next Level Monthly Meetup:  https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

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Show notes:
(1:38) The source codes of the life you want
(4:27) The two types of self-efficacy
(6:08) Struggles with strategies
(10:07) Self-belief and strategy in relationships
(13:18) Tarryn, host of The Business Of Happiness podcast, shares her wonderful experience with Kevin and the Next Level Podcast Solutions team.
(15:43) Confidence conundrum
(16:13) Building strategies and importance of experiences
(19:48) Failing forward
(24:32) Outro

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

Next level nation . Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University , where we help you level up your life , your love , your health and your wealth . We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode . It was episode number 1588 . How do you make your decisions ? We talked about logic versus emotion Today for episode number 1589 , the two types of self-belief .

Speaker 1 0:26

This is a conversation that Alan and I had the other day . Over the last 1500 , almost 1600 episodes and the coaching calls and the self-reflection and the self-awareness , we're realizing that self-belief and self-worth are two of the most important , if not the two most important things when it comes to accomplishing what you want , having a great relationship , all that stuff . It's so important to believe you are capable of it , but also believe you are worthy of it . Alan brought a new perspective when it comes to self-belief the other day , so I'm going to kick it to you , man . Also , if you're watching this on YouTube , I have . Well , you can see on YouTube if you're listening to this , I have the biggest pimple on the end of my nose . It couldn't be in a worse spot and it sucks . That's going to hurt to pop . I already popped it . It just keeps coming back . Yeah , it's almost like you're on camera often . Okay , I'm going to creep on back and let you deal with this again . A little insecure , but not , I guess , not as insecure as I once would have been .

Speaker 2 1:28

Obviously not . I mean , you're talking about it .

Speaker 1 1:30

Sometimes the best way to make the pain go away is just to talk about it . Just to talk about it , let's get it out .

Speaker 2 1:36

Let's get it out All right . So Kevin and I , to his point , have come to understand yeah , self-belief and self-worth are the source code of the life you want . For lack of better phrasing , did your chair just come up ? The ?

Speaker 1 1:51

chair just gave out . Yeah .

Speaker 2 1:54

We're doing it . It's Friday night , it's all good , we're getting through .

Speaker 2 1:57

I know it's not Friday night for the listeners , but what is this dropping ? Sunday , monday , monday , this is Monday , happy Monday everybody . It's Friday night for us , okay . So I was on a coaching session this time last week and one of my clients . We were talking about self-efficacy . Self-efficacy is essentially the psychology word for self-belief . We were talking we pulled up the grid of there's , this grid that we have where the x-axis picture a plus sign . The x-axis is from zero to 10 . The y-axis is from zero to 10 . The y-axis is self-belief and the x-axis is self-worth and there's four quadrants . The idea in my coaching is I want to try to get everybody to the fourth quadrant , the upper right , and aka high self-belief and high self-worth .

Speaker 2 2:48

I was doing this with this client who I think struggles with self-worth way more than self-belief . I said what's your self-belief ? Zero to 10 , statistically speaking . She said I think an eight . I said I would say that's fair , maybe a little higher , to be honest , but fair . Then I said zero to 10 , what's your self-worth ? We dug into her heart on this one and I think she said probably four , maybe three . I said yeah , okay . So how do you build self-worth ? We went through all the ways you build self-worth . We rated them from zero to 10 , blah , blah , blah .

Speaker 2 3:20

The next day she sends me an audio . She says I was thinking about the self-efficacy thing and I was thinking about self-belief , and I think there's two types of self-belief . The first type is I do believe in my own ability to execute . This person's a sicko . They execute systems . They work out when they don't want to work out . They track their calories when they don't want to track their calories . They are , statistically speaking , on the very high end of self-discipline . They can execute in their behaviors . I saw her do a cut that I don't know . It would be terrible if I were to do that .

Speaker 2 3:55

When it comes to her belief in her own ability to execute behaviors , she's very high . She said there's another type of self-efficacy that I've studied that I don't think I have very high . She said I believe in my ability to execute the behaviors , but what I don't believe in enough is my ability to decide what behaviors are actually going to get me to the outcome , and that's where this episode was born . Number one self-belief part one is I can execute against the behaviors that I need to execute against . I can do the work . Self-belief part two is I can figure out the proper strategy , I can figure out the right work to do , and so someone who has quote , unquote level 10 self-belief they need both it needs to be . I believe I can do the work , but I also believe that I can figure out which work is most important , and that comes to reverse engineering , finish lines and strategizing . So , like someone who can figure out what the next right chess move is and then can execute that chess move is essentially the concept .

Speaker 1 5:06

We used to have a mentor and I always struggled getting advice from this mentor because I always wanted strategy and I wanted tactics and I wanted tips and I never got any of them . I got all sorts of deeper understanding and that was always a challenge for me , and we have done a lot of episodes on how to three ways to the number one thing . The reason we do episodes like that is because I think a lot of people struggle with strategy . When you sign up with a coach , I mean , yeah , you're paying for accountability , depending on what it is , but oftentimes it's strategy . What do you want to accomplish ? Well , I don't know how to do . Blink . I did a podcast breakthrough session with someone today amazing human . It was wonderful and it was just how do I do this ? Am I doing this right ? How do I do this ? What do I do if I want this ? It was just all strategy and I think that second one , the strategy versus behavior . But then again , I know the behavior is really hard too . It's really hard to do something consistent .

Speaker 2 6:08

Well , let me ask you because you've been a really shiny example , I think , of what it's like to build self-belief Zero to 10, . How much do you believe in your own ability to do behaviors , to execute ? Ten , okay , zero to 10, . How much do you believe in your ability to identify what behaviors are going to get you to the outcomes you want ?

Speaker 1 6:31

When it comes to people , understanding people and understanding that , it's pretty high . But when it comes to reverse engineering , finish lines and strategizing , I don't know , maybe like a six , six and a half . For me it's the opposite , my belief in understanding people is actually lower .

Speaker 2 6:51

I've been wrong so many times . My belief in reverse engineering what your calories need to be in order to hit a certain weight by a certain timeline . That's 10 out of 10 for me . Well , it's numbers , but when it comes to how other people , yeah , exactly , I think it's the math thing . It's numbers .

Speaker 1 7:06

For me it's intuitive . There's been a lot of times where I'll say something to you or I'll say something to the NLPS team and I'll just be like no , I'll smooth it over with this person , I know what to say . It's okay , I know what to say to get the result we want . Not always , but there's a good amount of times where I'll just do something and it works pretty well . But that's just because I've done that for long enough .

Speaker 2 7:34

You know this comes down to our last episode I don't know if it was the last one or the one before about IQ versus ZQ .

Speaker 2 7:41

I think there's a parallel here of if you have the first self-belief of I can do the behaviors . Well , if you're resonating with what Kevin's saying about I know what to say , I know how to get along with people , I know how to influence that kind of thing . I think that's more EQ . I think the IQ is much more . If I do these things , I'm gonna get this outcome . You know , I actually think it's really . I've come to understand that it's really difficult to reverse engineer goals , and the reason why is because usually let me try to explain this concept All right when you look at an acorn , you don't see some big , huge tree 100 years later . I mean , imagine if you never saw a tree and you only ever saw an acorn . Just for a second , the acorn is the idea . So I wanna build a billion dollar business . Okay , that's just an acorn . If you've never seen a tree before , would you really think that it can become that Like a redwood or an oak tree ? You'd be like what the hell ?

Speaker 1 8:55

It doesn't all fit in there .

Speaker 2 8:56

Yeah , yeah , yeah exactly , and so I think that , as much as that's probably not the best example in the world , I think that as a kid , somehow some way I was good at figuring out what acorns made what trees , and that's really what I'm doing a lot more of now , because I realized that's not a given anymore , because so for you . You didn't even know , you had the strength of knowing what would affect what people in what way , and that kind of thing . I remember you saying well , if I want it to work , it'll work . I remember thinking I never felt that way in relationships .

Speaker 1 9:39

Well , a big piece of it is because of the person I'm with . That's not just me .

Speaker 2 9:45

Right .

Speaker 1 9:46

Right , there's relationships . I was in that . I would never say that . I feel very comfortable saying that with Taryn .

Speaker 2 9:52

Well , when I was single and you were with Taryn , I had no confidence . When I ended my last relationship , yeah , and you said something to me on a session where it was essentially well , of course you're not confident , you've never succeeded yet , meaning I had been basically 29 years of not having a successful long-term relationship . I had four and a half years , five years and then , I think , a two-year one , but I had never really succeeded at this long-term relationship thing . And so Kev's like well , of course you're not confident , but I remember thinking to myself I'm really confident in other areas you know .

Speaker 2 10:34

And so what's the difference ? I think the difference is awareness . I think I was good at reverse engineering finish lines , but not very good at understanding human beings as much as I thought . Anyways , particularly relationship stuff . And if you asked me , now , having studied all the relationship stuff , the inner work , therapy , conscious couples , podcast cycles , triggers , insecurities , all the stuff we've done at NLU but more importantly at the we and conscious couples , I feel way more confident now because I feel like I get it . I understand what makes a relationship fail and what makes it work , like trust , communication , vulnerability , humility , courage , difficult conversations , empathy . These are the things that are critical .

Speaker 2 11:21

And so , at the end of the day , for all our listeners , let's check in which of these beliefs do you have more ? Do you have part one ? I know I can do the behavior . Or part two , I know I can decide which behaviors are going to get me what outcomes . And maybe you're out there saying I'm not very good at either of those . That's okay . Let's just build them up a little bit by a little bit , by a little bit , and eventually you'll get to a place , because you have said a 10 and a seven , 10 plus seven , 17 divided by two , you're probably around eight . You know 8.25 . Yeah , confidence . So I think that your level of confidence , your level of self belief , is probably the average of these two . What's the level of self belief that your ?

Speaker 1 12:06

chair is going to hold my arse my arse Very low , very small amount . I think the hardest thing about the strategy thing is think of it this way If you don't have a lot of reps in strategizing and then following through , it's really hard to have confidence because it takes a long time . If you're strategizing for something and it takes you two years to accomplish that's a long time before you actually get that belief here . This might land . I don't know . This lands for me when I say it , so maybe it will for you , whether you're watching or listening . If you hire a coach to just tell you what to do , maybe you're really good at the behavior .

Speaker 1 12:52

When I did bodybuilding , I hired a coach and I just wanted him to tell me what to do . I'll follow through . I just tell me what to do , tell me what to eat , tell me how much to eat , tell me how often to weigh myself , tell me when you need pictures , and I'm good . The strategy was super valuable too . I understood the strategy to a degree , but I was really paying him for accountability and strategy because I wouldn't have pushed myself as hard if I didn't have a coach . But if you think of that , if you pay someone just because you want them to tell you what to do . But you know you can follow through . You're probably really good at the behavior . Maybe you just don't know the strategy . That's really me , in a nutshell . I'll just ask Alan , what do I do ? And he'll give me a system and I'll just run it forever and then he'll say like are you still doing the same thing ?

Speaker 1 13:39

He's like yeah , man , it's awesome , isn't it ? He's like no , no , it's time to switch .

Speaker 2 13:42

Oh darn . That's been really funny . Like Kev runs systems , that dude will just run , just run a joke behind the seat . He'll just run the system for as long as he needs to . Which is a superpower , honestly , as long as you get the right system . Yeah , yeah .

Speaker 1 13:58

But look at I mean look at this Our behavior , like we'll just do episodes forever , forever , and as we do them we'll learn more strategy of how to get better . But you can't . It's really hard to do one without the other , because if you don't do it consistently , you don't know if the strategy is working . If you don't have the strategy , it's hard to do it consistently . It really is a kind of a juggling act of if you don't have one . Yeah , it is . Maybe this is a new version of the confidence conundrum in a way .

Speaker 2 14:28

Maybe this is why you had self-belief with me more than without me . Instead of borrowing my belief , what if you just borrowed my strategy ? Well , that's the belief I needed , yeah yeah , yeah , and I think that she even said as soon as I had the system , because she lost 22 pounds in 20 weeks , which is just awful . I mean , anyone who's ever done that , it's just horrible .

Speaker 1 14:50

Not great .

Speaker 2 14:50

And she did not have . She wasn't overweight or anything . It's not like she had a lot of weight to lose and I was so impressed , blown away , crushed it . She's like well , once I had the system and I knew it would work , I can execute . It's that I don't know my own system will work . So maybe , instead of borrowing someone's belief , maybe you can borrow someone's strategy and maybe that will build your belief . But then the question becomes you can't always rely on other people's strategies , so you kind of have to learn how to strategize . And that's another episode .

Speaker 1 15:22

I know , yeah , this is deeper than I expected it to be . I won't say that I expected it to be deep , but it's not that straightforward . It's not . Well , you're either good at one or the other , or you're good at both , or you're good at neither . The only way to get good at strategy is to do it consistently enough and then test out stuff .

Speaker 1 15:44

I said something to you today . We were talking about something behind the scenes and we were just talking about growth and growth over the years . And I said one of the best things ever for me that you did was you let me fly the coop , for lack of better phrasing . And you said what do you mean ? I said just let me go out and do things . One of the most important things I ever did was I got to the place where I said I would rather write up an email , send it myself and lose the client than write up an email , have you , look at it and then us get the client . I don't think that's serving . I think we're past that and I need to learn this on my own . So that works really well for me . I took your strategy and I took what I learned from the strategies you've taught me and what I've been practicing through those strategies , and then I tried to figure out all right , what pieces of that strategy can I remember enough to use it on my own ?

Speaker 2 16:41

And what part of those strategies suck ?

Speaker 1 16:43

That's true too , but now I have my own strategies , built off of the strategies that you taught me , the strategies that I tried , and then what worked and what didn't . So I think that the only answer for that is you have to get outside of your comfort zone . I know I sound like a broken record with that , but you have to use if you have level one understanding of strategy , awesome , use level one understanding of strategy to try to get to level two . And then , when you get to level two , it's the same thing though of yeah , you're most likely not going to go from I don't know what a great example is . You're most likely not going to go from learning how to drill two pieces of wood together to building a custom mansion in a year . The strategy just doesn't .

Speaker 1 17:30

It doesn't compound that fast , but there's no reason you can't build . You know , drill two pieces of wood together and then drill four pieces of wood together and then build a platform and then build a shed , and then build a bigger shed and then build a tree house . Your strategy becomes tools for you to use later . Strategy is just understanding inputs and outputs . Really , when I do this , I get this result . Then you stack them . You want to teach strategy ? You probably know it better than I do . No , no , no , no . That's not what I'm laughing at . That's not what I'm laughing at .

Speaker 2 18:02

I had a funny story I've never told before .

Speaker 1 18:04

Let's hear it .

Speaker 2 18:05

When I was a kid I know you got to jump soon , kev . When I was a kid , I built a tree house with one of my best friends , kiki , and we decided to do something that we thought was very innovative . That was actually a really terrible idea . We had this mighty oak , this huge oak tree in the tree house . So , instead of putting the boards to where because there was these perfect five trees and one of them was really thick , huge , thick oak tree if we go around the tree we'll have so much more space in the tree house .

Speaker 2 18:39

So the tree was in the tree house . This was a legit tree house . We had shingles , we had a rug , we brought electricity out there , we had a trap door , we had a full window . This was . We took years to build this thing and I'll tell you what we failed forward .

Speaker 2 18:56

And here's what happens when you nail nails into trees they die , they sap lots and lots of sap all over the electrical cords , all over the rug , just awful right . And we also . I'm pretty sure we might have mutated some spiders because of all the foam that we had to put to like block the rain .

Speaker 2 19:21

But anyways , my point of the tree house story is this you have to fail forward and our next tree house would have been world class . But why ? Because our first one was just mistake after mistake after mistake after mistake , and , yes , most of the nails that we put in took about two or three before we you ever hammer a nail halfway , and then you have , you mess it up , and then you have to hammer it in because you can't take it out . Of course , yeah , of course . So I never told that story before . But what does this have to do with belief ? I believe in my ability to build a tree house Seriously . Here's why I did it . I did it before and I failed so many times on so many things . Now can I build a world class tree house ? No , it's a way better one than we built I'll tell you that for sure A couple of kids who didn't know what the hell we were doing .

Speaker 1 20:10

Well , sometimes that's fun . It's fun to not know the strategy sometimes , I guess , if you don't really want a very good result . He wasn't thrilled , he was so mad at us .

Speaker 2 20:20

Understand . He's like we shouldn't the whole year like . Back then it felt like years , but probably a couple years . He was like dude , we shouldn't have put the damn tree in the tree house . It's like dude , get over it , man , we made a mistake . He's like so still salty about it . Understandable .

Speaker 1 20:36

Next level nation . If you are seeking strategy when it comes to peak performance or your small business or whatever it is maybe your new business , your large business , whatever . If you're seeking strategy on how to get better , reach out to Alan . Alan can help you with that . If you are seeking strategy with podcasting , help reach out to me . I will help you with that . I was going to talk about next level nation , but I think if we're talking about strategy , those are the two things that we really help people strategize around . So Link will be in the show notes for all of our information . But , yeah , happy to chat about anything you need help strategizing on .

Speaker 2 21:10

Alan at nextleveluniversecom , kevin at nextleveluniversecom . Spelt just like it sounds my voice . I'm losing my voice . Brother , you need me to carry it home . We have our . You need me to carry it home . No , no , no . I got this Three words you need to remember if you want a next level relationship .

Speaker 2 21:30

Which you do Our monthly meetup , number 26 , and it is in the love month , february 1st 2024 . So our monthly meetup for the love month , february , is three words you need to remember if you want a next level relationship . The link to register will be in the show notes .

Speaker 1 21:47

Tomorrow for episode number 1590, . I hope my nose pimple disappears by then . Another thing Kevin and Alan are polar opposites with Nice , nice , I don't know if I've ever used you know it was on a podcast earlier today and the guy said Kevin is more jacked than you .

Speaker 2 22:10

It's a fact .

Speaker 1 22:12

That's not . It wasn't to be mean or anything .

Speaker 2 22:14

That's a fact Shots fired .

Speaker 1 22:15

No , it is a fact .

Speaker 2 22:17

I said he is jacked .

Speaker 1 22:18

I appreciate that . If that person is , if that host is listening , shout out to you for being a real one and taking care of Kevin when he's not there , because I'm sure Alan was flexing away . You probably even asked .

Speaker 2 22:30

I didn't flex . Once you said hey , hey , I don't even know why you brought that up .

Speaker 1 22:32

Kevin's not going to hear this , but between you and I , who's in better shape than me or Kevin ? And then you got an answer . He didn't like Surprise . He even told me All right , we're going to go , because it is 7.15 and I promised Tyron we would spend some time together . So I'm going to go see my wonderful wife . As always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you , and at NLU we learn to fans . We have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow .

Speaker 2 22:56

Build both types of belief . Excellent nation .

Speaker 1 23:02

And so all of us will be with natural ourselves , of course , because today was Obama's last reason to make it here called Dad today .