Next Level University

#1590 - Another Thing Kevin And Alan Are Polar Opposites With

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Share episode

Making decisions can often feel like walking a tightrope between two buildings – on one side lies perseverance, and on the other, the choice to walk away. It’s a delicate balance that can determine the trajectory of our lives and businesses. In this episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros explored this problem, delving into their personal experiences with this dichotomy and sharing stories of their participation in a mastermind group where their differing viewpoints on persistence versus departure came to light.

Links mentioned:
Next Level Dreamliner - https://a.co/d/f1FWAQA
Next Level Monthly Meetup #26: “3 Words You Need to Remember if You Want a Next Level Relationship” on February 1st, 2024, 06:00 PM EST - https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZUrf-6vpj0jHd3dtDOIDDagugoZEJ2Zz14I#/registration 

______________________

NLU is far more than just a podcast, and we have so many more resources to help you achieve your goals and dreams.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

_______________________

Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - ​​https://bit.ly/3xffver
Next Level U Book Club - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-book-club/
Next Level Monthly Meetup:  https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

_______________________

We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

_______________________

Show notes:
(1:44) Reflection on decision-making
(3:34) Two questions
(7:12) Natural inclinations
(9:10) Continual pursuit of personal evolution
(12:13) Be honest with yourself
(14:06) Tarryn, host of The Business Of Happiness podcast, shares her wonderful experience with Kevin and the Next Level Podcast Solutions team.
(15:01) The wisdom is always in the harmonized middle
(18:09) Leaving too soon or staying too long
(25:26) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin:

Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level university, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and you're well. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1589 of the two types of self-belief. Today, for episode number 1590, another thing myself and Alan, our polar opposites with if you have listened to this podcast for any length of time, you know Alan and I are very different in Many, many, many ways, I would say in many and most amazing ways. But today I wanted to talk about another way that we are different, based on a conversation that we had behind the scenes and, hopefully, the lessons that you can take from it. So I'll never forget this Alan and I were Masterminding.

Kevin:

For those of you who might be new to that idea, it's just when you get around a group of people, you have ideas. Usually there's someone in the lead and they're ahead of you and they give you ideas on business or sales or podcasting, whatever it is. And we had this group that we were masterminding with. We'd mastermind with them every other week and I remember it got to the point where I told Alan I was okay, man, what the hell are we doing Like? Why are we doing this? I don't, I think we should. We probably shouldn't be doing this anymore. I think the time has just come. I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it anymore. And he said no, there's still. There's still enough to learn here. Let's keep doing it, let's keep doing it, let's keep doing it. So we ended up doing it for a while longer and Then in retrospect we had conversations around that. Alan said, yeah, I probably should have pulled the plug on that sooner. So this is what we, this is what we came to.

Kevin:

My tendency is to Abandon the relationship too soon, maybe not even relationship. Let's just say, in this example, abandon the relationship too soon. Alan's tendency at times is to hang in the relationship way too long and there are pluses they're positives and negatives to being on both ends of those Spectrums. Couldn't think of the word. I just want to have a discussion about that and what that means that.

Kevin:

What that means to me is I'll get out of things way too soon and I'll lose all the opportunity for growth and knowledge and lessons and relationships. Alan might stay in too long and End up resenting the relationship. I mean, I'll let, I'll let you speak for, for what's on your end, but very similar to. We've kind of done a lot of episodes this this week on this how do you make your decisions? We talked about logic versus Emotional, the two types of self-belief Do you have one, do you have both, or you're struggling to level up both of those together, and then this is another kind of two sides of the spectrum, two sides of the coin. So that'll be a valuable episode to start Tuesday off.

Alan:

I Was doing a team training and we're actually starting to call them workshops. But we were doing a team training. This is months ago and I was reading a book called same as ever by Morgan Housel. You two have read that book I have.

Kevin:

thanks to you.

Alan:

Yes, extraordinary book, top 10, unbelievable. So so good. But in that book it's talking about the things that never change learning about the things that never change. If you want to find truth, and In the pursuit of truth, it's the things about you that never change that you want to study. You know, I always say don't design your life around something about you that's fleeting, don't design your life around something that's fleeting. And so in the training I posed two questions to the team. I said what is something that you regret hanging in too long In hindsight and what is something that you regret leaving too early?

Alan:

And Kevin used the relationship in this example of a mastermind group that we were a part of and we did. We hung too long. It started off as a podcast mastermind but by the end Most of the people within the group didn't have podcasts and kind of had moved on from podcasting for the most part. For the most part, and so I tend to hang too long. Kevin tends to jump ship a little too quickly with person's places, things and ideas. So for me, I've done Habits for nine years straight, I've done habit tracking for nine years straight, and sometimes it can be really difficult for me to let go of something that no longer serves me. I Believe in consistency in the long term. So much that's difficult. So if you're on that end, maybe you hang on to things a little bit too long and you should Drive to five here and try to let go a little earlier.

Alan:

I think most people tend to be on the other end, where they tend to not do things long enough. I remember Kev was going on a bunch of other podcasts and there have been many times in business where Kev, we were doing something, doing something, doing something effort, effort, effort, effort, time, time, time, investment, investment and it didn't feel like it was paying off at all. So many times things take so long to get going, it takes so long to build momentum. Good analogy is apparently the ipod was actually not successful for the first couple years and then it kind of blew up, and so there's good examples with movies too, where all of a sudden a lot of the cult movie classics that we all know Some of them took a while to catch on.

Alan:

The the highest rated movie in the entire world is the Shawshank Redemption. That took a while to catch on. That wasn't like a one-hit wonder out of nowhere. Block blockbuster hit and so again. At the end of the day, do you tend to stay too long with relationships, too long with businesses, too long with friendships, or do you tend to quit too early? And for me, I tend to be on the too long end. For Kev, he tends to to jump, maybe a little bit too early, and the key here is to Figure out what is the the optimal middle of the road, the right amount.

Kevin:

I try to make my decisions pretty quick and then just stick with it. That's kind of the way I. I think one of the reasons is because when I ruminate on something for a long period of time, it hurts me. I struggle with that, like when I'm really really ruminating on something and thinking and thinking, and thinking, and thinking. I Just get anxious about it. So I'd rather just say, okay, I think what's my, what's my truth in this? My truth is it's time to go, and I Think this is also maybe something I'll say it's unique, but it's something I've been trying to practice for a long period of time.

Kevin:

I also try to reverse engineer the regret that I might have as I'm making the decision. So will I regret if we stop doing this and then In a year, one of these people goes on to be a super successful podcaster and we miss all the lessons that they can share? I don't know, maybe, maybe, but probably not. So I always try to be real with myself about is this something I'm gonna regret, or Is it just time? Has it, has it run its course? I don't know, because this isn't really something I've studied. Maybe you've studied this more than I.

Kevin:

I have a very weird relationship with relationships You've heard me say that many times before in this podcast where I move on pretty quickly from things and I don't want to say I'm cold about it, but I I understand that when a relationship runs its course, it runs its course and I tend to just move on. I'm grateful for all the opportunities, whether it's a business relationship, a team member, a client, whoever it is. Usually for me it's okay. That sucks, and now let me figure out what I have to do to make sure that doesn't happen again or to fix whatever the Jeffings that were caused by that are. Maybe that's just something unique to me.

Kevin:

I don't really know. I don't know where that comes from. Maybe if I leave before I get too invested, you can't hurt me. Maybe that's where it comes from in the past, maybe a little psychoanalyzation of myself, but I don't know. I don't really know what would lead to somebody staying too long or what would lead to somebody leaving too early. I think you would just have to look in the Rolodex Rolodex. You'd have to look in your past to figure out which end you're on and then figure out, to the best of your recollection, when did that start?

Alan:

I think that's probably the best thing, they're probably both rooted in a goal or a fear, and we've talked in the past on this podcast about how every goal is the diametric opposite of your fear. So if you're afraid to be broke, you'll pursue wealth. If you're afraid to be out of shape, you'll pursue being in shape, that kind of thing. And maybe unconsciously, your fear was, if you get too close, then they might leave you, so you'd rather leave in advance, first Possible. And maybe that's where it stemmed and I think, as we mature, that's no longer the case. Like, maybe that was the case in the past because your dad left, you know, and then maybe you didn't wanna get hurt, that kind of thing, of course. But now what if that's just intelligent, right, and maybe now it doesn't affect you like it once did? And whereas I'm on the other end, my fear was outgrowing people and so my fear was leaving too early. What if I didn't give them enough chances? What if they could have grown more? What if they could have came with us? What could have been, what could have been? And that's called falling in love with people's potential, and many of our listeners, I know, will resonate with that, whether it was dating someone or a past friend member, a past friend member, it's team member, who's my friend as well. That's what that is. So if you wanna be a friend member no, I'm kidding so, but that's what it was for me is what if I gave up on them too early? What if they could have done more? What if they could have come with? What if, yeah, the what if it drives me nuts? But that's not good. If you're pouring more into a relationship or more into a business, or more into someone or something than is optimal, and if the fear is losing people or outgrowing people, then the desire is gonna be bringing people with you and then you're gonna end up saving people.

Alan:

If the fear is being left behind, you might be the one doing the leaving behind long before anyone else can leave you behind. And again, while that might have been where it stemmed originally with Kevin and myself, with persons, places, things and ideas that doesn't necessarily mean that that's how we're operating now. And luckily we had each other, because Kevin doesn't have the same fears as me, so he wasn't afraid of being. He was afraid of staying too long in something that wasn't aligned.

Alan:

I was afraid of unconsciously I didn't know this at the time about growing everybody and basically having no one with us on this journey and being lonely and being alone. And so again, whichever fear you have more, whichever desire you have more, hopefully you're kind of self identifying for you not Kevin and I, but for you where you fall on this. If you're on my end and you tend to stay with someone or something too long, then you're gonna have to try to kind of work on that. If you tend to just quit quickly, you're gonna have to be careful, because what if you're quitting things that could have been really successful relationships or businesses or you know, fitness regiments or whatever.

Kevin:

You just have to be very honest. I think part of this two things one and this is just me being very honest with myself I think I was afraid that I wasn't gonna succeed. I had the realization that it's gonna be hard enough for me to succeed, never mind if I'm spending time doing things that I probably just shouldn't be doing, that aren't the most beneficial. That's part one, and then part two. I've had relationships in the past friendships, not intimate relationships, but I've had friendships in the past where somebody would come to me and say, hey, I'm dealing with this and I'm dealing with this, what should I do? And I'd give them a list of books and I'd talk to them for hours and I'd console them when they were crying, and then it would be the same thing next week.

Kevin:

And I had so much empathy I still do, I still have empathy for that but it got to the point where it was like I don't even know if I can help you. Yeah, because I don't know if you really wanna be helped in the way that I can help you. I don't. Maybe I'm not the right person to help you with it. I don't have the same experiences as you, maybe, yeah, I coach people and I can help people. It doesn't mean I can help everybody, though, and it doesn't mean it's the right fit for me to help you, and I think I spent so much time doing that, and here's the truth. At times, that really messed up my friendship. It's messed up friendships when I've tried to help people at a deep level that didn't want it.

Kevin:

And I think I just I built a negative relationship with that and it's like look, I don't know If it's gonna stay, I think it'll stay, and if I'm fighting to be in this person's life and they're fighting to be in my life, I think it's a relationship that's gonna last for a long time. But if one of those two things isn't there, it's just it's probably gonna end up dying anyway.

Alan:

Well, this is the philosophical, difficult discussion about not only life but relationships. And on one hand you have if it's meant to be, it will be, and if the core values are aligned and the core aspirations are aligned and the core beliefs are aligned and both parties in this are growing and contributing and becoming more, then why wouldn't the relationship just continue to work? But then there's the other side of the coin, which is you also have to make the relationship work. Even in intimate relationships, it shouldn't only feel like work, it should feel somewhat natural. I remember a mentor I'll never forget it. He was divorced and he said Alan, whatever you do, don't do anything. That feels too unnatural. And some of the best advice. I've ever gotten right there Because it always felt so unnatural in past relationships for me to like over-prioritize fun, unique experiences at the expense of the mission. It always felt so unnatural for me but it felt so natural to my partner. But then on the other side, you do have to make, you have to put in the work for the relationship to work. So it's that duality it really is and that's what Kevin opened with, which is, if it wasn't for me, we would leave way too early. If it wasn't for Kev, I would stay way too long, and so hopefully everyone out there has someone to bounce ideas off of and at very least understand whether you're ready or lefty in this, just like the last time, with the emotion and logic right or lefty, which side are you on? You're going to have to practice the other one, and everyone is on one or the other. If you're afraid that you won't be successful like Kev, I'm afraid I won't be successful if I keep trying to bring everyone with me. I don't even know if I can make it with my own time and effort, never mind giving it to everyone else Versus me. I'm afraid that I'm going to end up alone if I don't give my time and effort to everyone else. You have to help other people, otherwise you can't serve and contribute, but you also can't only serve and contribute at the expense of yourself, otherwise you will end up miserable and unsuccessful. And so this is a beautiful duality in Drive to Five.

Alan:

I think that be you but work on you. You know what I mean. It's so interesting. It's like, well, I just want to be me. It's yeah. But also, if all you do is be you and never work on you, you're going to have some massive blind spots and some massive weaknesses and you're going to either leave things too early or stay too long. And fortunately, kevin and I have had each other to bounce these things off of for so long 1600 episodes almost where we've become wiser. I think the wisdom is always in the middle. I don't think extreme anything is wisdom. I think wisdom is always somewhere in the harmonized middle. I think the middle is different for everyone and that's a whole other concept. But I do think that everyone tends to have to work on the opposite arm. If you're a righty, you've got to work on being a lefty, but you can't lose the fact that you're a righty. Stay a righty, but work on the lefty, but also stay a righty. So that's the fascinating thing.

Kevin:

My next level nugget is based on something you said Be the evolving you. We're always evolving. We always have an opportunity to grow and evolve and change and shift and learn more and unlearn things that aren't serving us. Be the evolving you, the version of you that's changing a little bit all the time, because we are, no matter what. We're changing. Even if you just sit in place for the day, you're changing. Things are happening. So, yeah, be the evolving you. That's what I would say.

Kevin:

And my next level nugget, part two, is do some reflection and try to see where you think it might come from, because there's just like we've said we said this so many times there are so many layers to everything. So one layer is the behavior. I tend to leave too early. Why, oh, okay, well, maybe it's because I would rather have the upper hand and the power, and if I leave before you can leave me, I don't get hurt. Okay, where does that come? Oh, my dad left when I was little, okay, and then just keep digging and digging and digging. I think that is hyper consciousness, in a nutshell.

Alan:

Kev was in the studio. My next level, nugget Kev, was in the studio earlier at the studio. He was in my office earlier. He came down and there was a moment where him and I were reflecting. We were redesigning our lives and business and all kinds of good stuff and we worked on an outline for a potential book for Kev. I'm overjoyed the podcast playbook might, might. We'll see the title, we'll see, we'll see. But the outline is awesome so I'm pumped, but anyways.

Alan:

So we were reflecting on the past and there was a couple things where Kev was talking about opportunities that he said no to. That he kind of wishes. Maybe he should have said yes to. I'm the and I talked to him. I said Kev, I'm the opposite. I have so many things that I said yes to that I honestly wish I didn't.

Alan:

And it makes sense if any of our listeners have ever seen the movie. Yes man, someone who stays inside and never says yes and doesn't believe in themselves and never takes chances. Of course they need to say yes more and the yes man thing sounds like such a good idea. Or yes woman in this case, if you're a woman. But here's the thing when I watch that movie, if you've ever seen the movie spoiler alert. The end is just awful, where you can't just say yes to everything because you just spread yourself so thin and you end up absolutely miserable.

Alan:

And so for Kev, who tends to say no and or leave too early, the advice is say yes more, take more opportunities. The regret for him later on might be you know what, honestly, I got reached out to and I had this opportunity and I thought that might have been a waste of time, but honestly, I should have done it, whereas with me I'm looking back going oh my God, I wasted so much time and effort because I tried to do too many things with too many people. Back in college I talked about how I was friends with everybody and you know I got so lost in the sauce of trying to be everything for everyone. And that's what comes with self belief. By the way, you have this. If you have low risk, low risk aversion and a lot of belief, you're going to do a lot of stuff. And so maybe you're on my end, maybe you're on Kevin's end, but drive to five and that's my next level nugget. That's all I've got, brother.

Kevin:

That's all he has. I have a hair that keeps touching my nose really quite upsetting, making my nose itchy. So, next level nation. I got a delivery the other day so it's backwards if you're watching this on YouTube because my camera is mirrored, but I have the next level dreamliner in hand. I got one delivered, alan has it as well, and now that I have it in my hand I can talk about it, because before I hadn't really seen it. Shout out to Alan and the products team for doing so much amazing work on this. I had very little to do with this, which is very weird for me, but Alan and the team did an amazing job. So shout out to each and every one of you for doing this amazing work. It's awesome.

Kevin:

Monthly habit tracker top three gratitude, top three most important tasks, most important win, most important improvement. Next level nugget just like we gave, I firmly believe it's going to be the Kevin Paul Mary seal of approval. I firmly believe that this is a game changer in terms of a tool for your growth Super simple, it's not going to take you 25 minutes every day to do it. It is something that you could definitely do daily and I would highly, highly, highly recommend it and that's yeah, that's, that's my truth, that is my honest truth. This is version one, so it'll obviously get better forever, because you know, at NLU, we try to get a little bit better every day. But if you are trying to get a little bit better every day, get the next level dreamliner. It is available on Amazon. We will have the link in the show notes and again, just huge shout out to you, alan, for spearheading it, and everybody on the NLU products team for absolutely crushing this and taking something that was a dream and bringing it to a reality.

Alan:

Shout out to Lizzie, shout out to Amy, shout out to Jerry Ann the dreamliner would not be what it is without each of you. So thank you, thank you, thank you. We wanted something that you could do daily without being so overwhelming, and I've used this every single day since I got it, which is coming up on probably 20 days now, and it's achieve your dreams 90 days at a time and, most importantly, it doesn't take forever. I wake up in the morning, I do my dreamlining and then I go about my day. If it was going to be an hour a day, there's no way you could sustain it, and each, each section is important but concise, important but concise. And if any of you out there listening have ever had a journaling habit but fell off because it was too much or too intense, this is specifically designed so that that does not happen. As a matter of fact, each line is small, so that you have to be concise, so that you have to keep it simple. Okay, because simple is how you stay consistent. All right.

Alan:

Also, it's the love month coming up. February is the love month. Next level monthly meetup, number 26, three words you need to remember if you want a next level relationship. The link to register will be in the show notes At the end of the day. Health, wealth, life and love. Love, in my opinion, has been the most challenging, but also the most rewarding and the most meaningful. So come join us learn some things. Make sure that you protect the love in your life.

Kevin:

I don't know what we're doing for tomorrow's episode because today has been a humdinger, like Alan said. I drove an hour and 15 to Alan. I was there from 11 to 6.30, an hour and 15 back and we're recording this episode late. I don't know what's going on for tomorrow's episode, but it will be our absolute goal, as always, to bring something valuable, help you with some self-awareness and hopefully you can leave with something more than you came. That'll be the goal, because that is always the goal. Just throw out some gratitude for the amazing NLU team for all the amazing work they're doing behind the scenes. I know Alan and I get seen and heard on the podcast every day, but there are a bunch of people behind the scenes doing amazing work that makes us able to do this.

Alan:

That allows us to 21, 21 people. I appreciate all of you.

Kevin:

Shout out to all of you Super, super, super grateful. I know you don't often get seen in front of the scenes, but we cannot be in front of the scenes the way we are without you behind the scenes. So thank you for that. I don't know what we're doing for tomorrow's episode but, as always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Alan:

Well, connect again soon Next sub.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Alan Lazaros

Host
Head Shot

Kevin Palmieri

Host