Next Level University
Confidence, mindset, relationships, limiting beliefs, family, goals, consistency, self-worth, and success are at the core of hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros' heart-driven, no-nonsense approach to holistic self-improvement. This transformative, 7 day per week podcast is focused on helping dream chasers who have been struggling to achieve their goals and are seeking community, consistency and answers. If you've ever asked yourself "How do I get to the next level in my life", we're here for you!
Our goal at NLU is to help you uncover the habits to build unshakable confidence, cultivate a powerful mindset, nurture meaningful relationships, overcome limiting beliefs, create an amazing family life, set and achieve transformative goals, embrace consistency, recognize your self-worth, and ultimately create the fulfillment and success you desire. Let's level up your health, wealth and love!
Next Level University
#1596 - The #1 Thing We Wish We Knew About Relationships Sooner
Ever find yourself tiptoeing around tough talks with your significant other? You're not the only one. In this episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros peel back the layers on why those heart-to-heart conversations, as cringe-worthy as they may seem, are the bedrock of a robust relationship. Today's raw and revealing discussion ventures into the landmine-laden territory of challenging chats with your partner. They're tossing out the old fairy tale that the best relationships are free from conflict and shining a spotlight on the guts and glory of navigating those crucial, uncomfortable talks.
Links mentioned:
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For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇
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Show notes:
(1:47) Touchy topics
(4:16) Are you avoiding the difficult discussions in your relationship?
(7:33) Protecting each other's hearts
(9:04) Equal ownership
(11:14) Meet like-minded people and jumpstart your journey to achieving your dreams while optimizing your life. Join Next Level Group Coaching.
(14:44) Trust and communication
(22:10) Outro
Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level university, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number one thousand five hundred and ninety five month one check-in. We're getting towards the end of January here, so we wanted to do a check-in on how January went today for episode number one thousand five hundred and ninety six.
Kevin:The number one thing we wish we knew about relationships sooner. I Always used to hear People say yeah, we never fight, we never argue, it's everything's perfect, we just get along. We do want to do the same stuff, everything's perfect. And I remember thinking I don't think so, I don't think so, I don't think that's real. I don't believe that for a second now. Maybe you are To very unique unicorns and that's the way it works. I don't really know if I ever expected that for me. I definitely expected there to be a level of conflict for lack of better freezing. So this is the number one thing I wish I knew, I wish I understood, I wish I had learned sooner. And this is just my perspective.
Kevin:The person to be with is the person that you can have the most challenging discussions with, the most vulnerable conversations with the person you feel the safest, going into the depths with. That's really what I've learned, because I don't know if challenges ever go away. I think challenges just change with the quote-unquote success journey, but also in relationships, as you spend more and more time with someone, you're gonna have more and more conversations and they're gonna be deeper. And If you're really focused on growth which is the point of a relationship Shout out to Tori Leto for really making that point land for us. If that's what you're in the relationship for, aren't you gonna have to have a ton of challenging conversations?
Kevin:When I say challenging, I don't mean arguments. I mean things that you might you might get offended by at the ego level of no, I always do that. I always take the trash and I always blah, blah, blah, whatever it is, or having to voice your Needs when that's really challenging. But you trust the person that you're doing it with. I wish I knew that sooner, because now that I'm connecting the dots on past relationships and why I think this one is the most successful I've ever had, it definitely is. That's a big reason why. It's because I have really difficult conversations Probably not as often as we need to. We need to get back into check-ins, for sure, and we've been talking about that. But even that, even saying hey, I want to do check-ins, I Don't enjoy them. They're uncomfortable at times, but the less you do them, the more uncomfortable they are. Unfortunately, that's kind of the way it works, so that would be my big lesson.
Alan:Well, you can't just let things. I told you, amelia, this recently. I said we use it at the conscious couples podcast. The whole podcast is built on how to help you flourish in your relationship, how to how to grow together and not apart, that kind of thing. And that's not to imply that everyone should be together. Some people, I do think, should break up if they're incompatible.
Alan:But we use the Jenga Tower as an analogy and so if you've ever played Jenga, you take out these blocks and the analogy is the opposite of the point of Jenga, which is don't take the blocks out. And so a lot of times when you don't do check-ins or you're not having those difficult conversations, these blocks are just getting taken out and eventually the tower is gonna fall, aka the relationship is gonna fall. And that's why you know, ten years down the road, fifteen years down the road, twenty years down the road, five years down the road, however long down the road, when you avoid, avoid, avoid, you don't call out the elephants in the room, you don't look under the carpet, you don't look in the closet, you don't clean out the basement, so to speak, in your relationship, these, these things that that go unspoken, they compound and Eventually it's like how did we get here? Are we even in love anymore? And I've seen that happen so many times in relationship talks, coaching, and you can turn it around, but sometimes it's we should have been so proactive. We should have been way more proactive and I can say this with a lot of confidence, having coached couples for three years now.
Alan:The couples that are the most proactive with having difficult conversations have the highest likelihood to succeed. So if you were to say, hey, alan, you've coached couples for three years, you've studied, obviously, human behavior and psychology and relationships and you're starting to understand, starting to understand what makes relationships flourish I was not naturally good at this by any means, what would you like? Who would you bet on? Who's a couple you would bet on? And I would be able to, with high statistical probability of success, I'd be able to pick couples that I would bet on. And the couples that I would bet on definitely are people who do check-ins, people who have high humility, people who are constantly trying not to screw the relationship up, but not so paranoid that they end up not being themselves.
Alan:It's growth-oriented people who want to be better and then, most importantly and this is mine they want you to be you. They want you to be you. That's what it comes down to. I don't want you to be what I want you to be. I want you to be you. And that's an unconscious thing, because no one consciously is like, oh, I don't really want you to be.
Alan:I was in a past relationship and this person, without a question, wanted me to be what was best for her, not wanting me to be what I am, who I am. And so, if you can out there listening or watching to this, if you can say yes, I am proactively checking in and having the tough conversations and I really genuinely, without question, want my partner to be the best, brightest version of themselves, who they aspire to be, not who I want them to be. I think you have a very high probability of success. And the very last thing here that, before I let Kevin talk again, is essentially Kevin kind of called me out there because I often say Emile and I never fight and we have never fought.
Alan:But what I need to make clear is we've had what I call challenging moments and we've definitely had challenging conversations. When I hear fight, I think of yelling, storming out, slamming the door, hanging up on each other none of that. We've never done any of that, but you better believe we've had tough conversations that were vulnerable beyond imagination and some of the toughest conversations I've ever had, just because your heart is so scared. Your heart is so hurt and so scared at times and you don't know if you're gonna be loved for who you are you, don't you know?
Alan:there's just really scary moments in relationships. So, even though I say we never fight and never have fought, I wanna make it very clear we've had many challenging moments. I just think the way we handled those challenging moments thanks to her, not me I would have definitely gotten angry and or raised my voice had she not kind of called me out properly and had she not emotionally regulated. But if it wasn't for the way we handled the conflict, there's no way that we would have the magnificent relationship that we do now. And so it's really not about not having conflict, it's not about not checking in, it's not about not having any problems. It's about how you handle those and how you grow through those and how you are kind and protect each other's heart, particularly in those tough moments.
Kevin:Equal ownership is another one too. I think that's a very important I would say ownership. But you can we've done episodes recently on this you can over-own, and if you over-own and somebody else under-owns it can really mess up the dynamic of any relationship Been there. Yeah, that's it. I mean, you see that a lot with parents and I don't want to say children parents and If you're a parent and you have a child, are they children forever?
Alan:Is that a weird thought, I don't know. According to the law, depending on which country you're from, I think 18 is typically the you're an adult, yeah.
Kevin:but what you don't say. I have a. How many children do you have?
Alan:people say yeah, yeah, yeah. How many parents do you have? How many adults are you weird?
Kevin:So you see this often with parent and children. You see that very often, where a parent will, the relationship is the parent tells the child they're wrong, excuse me the child that they're wrong, and the child over owns that and then that becomes the dynamic of the relationship and that's the whole thing. The other thing I was going to say, because I was thinking of this, one of the reasons I reference you and I so often, anytime we're doing episodes on relationships whether we're talking about intimate relationships, friendships, business partnerships you're the longest. You and I's relationship is the longest I've had other than me and Matt. But you and I's relationship, we talk every day, we've traveled, we do this, we have a business together.
Alan:So in a way, you are the relationship I have the most experience in yeah, so that's why I often reference this is the longest, for me as well, at least in terms of as an adult. Yeah, you know, childhood ones, don't I would say Kevin has survived the longest and honestly, it means a lot to me too, because you know, I think traditionally it's been really hard for me to sustain long term relationships. That's never felt natural or easy for me, so it means a lot.
Kevin:Well, likewise, but I think it's equal ownership, If anything, if anything. We try to talk each other down a little bit. They're like all right, I understand you're taking ownership, but I definitely could have done better too. That's usually how we are. It's not usually it's on you.
Alan:I can think of at least three moments where that didn't happen. You're holding on to the mic. If I burp into the mic less, you know there was a tough conversation. I said that's you in confidence, that's in confidence, but that's.
Kevin:that's one of the reasons I reference Alan and I so often. The other reason I do is because you hear us every day, so you've probably never really heard us have conflict. I don't know if we've ever had conflict on the mic. We don't have a lot of conflict.
Alan:I think you and I are very only one time on the mic, but we didn't air it.
Alan:So Emilia, prior to prior to Kevin and I, or prior to Emilia and I ever, ever meeting on our first date, emilia was a listener of the hyper conscious podcast, and I say listener loosely. I think she had listened to a couple of episodes and she reached out to we were talking on Instagram a little bit and she reached out with an episode of how to balance selfishness and selflessness, which now we understand drive to five better. We probably could have done a better job, but I still, to this day, joke. It is the one time that I understood the listener better than Kevin did and we got in a very, very heated, challenging moment on the microphone of like Kev, you don't understand what she wants, and this is before I knew she was Emilia, so I apparently was very adamant for a reason.
Kevin:Never saw the light of day. We've had a handful of those. We've had a handful of episodes that did not see the light of the day. Most of them are guest episodes. I think that was the only it was that I remember. I remember we recorded a relationship episode on the pool table in your basement, yeah, and that one never saw the light of day either, because neither of us knew what in the hell we were talking about.
Alan:And.
Kevin:I was high.
Alan:And I was. Can I just real quick? This is. This is an episode about love, so this, I think, is really relevant, because I'll never forget this and I'll probably talk about this forever, probably more than anyone wants to hear it, but if I'm in your earbuds then you got to hear it. Yeah, good, all right. So Kev and I sit at the pool table. He's high, okay, and that's how every good story Every good story starts and he opens the episode. Welcome back to the mother, effin hyper conscious podcast.
Kevin:No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no.
Alan:Don't forget the language in the sound of his voice. So where do you think changed the way you act, change the way you live, never forget it, hypoconscious. And he opens it with Ganz Alan and I disagree. It's something like that. And Alan seems to think that the most important thing in an intimate relationship is trust. I disagree. I think it's communication. And then we went into a very healthy discord about that. And I think that's a powerful episode because now that I've coached so many people no, but now that I've done relationship talks, coaching for three years, trust and communication are super connected. If you don't have good communication, you're going to lose trust, and if you don't have trust, your communication is going to be super difficult. And so they're super connected. And honestly, to this day, all these years later, kev, I think those are the two most important. I do Still.
Kevin:I would agree. I would agree. Trust creates psychological safety. Physical safety creates safety. Communication can help you solve all the conflict that you're going to experience. I mean, those really are. Those really are the two. I would agree with that. I still think mine's more. But whatever it is what it is, you know it's not that big of a deal. We don't have to have to discord over anything.
Alan:You need both, you do need both.
Kevin:So my next love and nugget for you, whether you're watching or listening, is what is one thing you wish you knew sooner? Or did something we say today become the one thing you wish you knew sooner, and what can you do with that? When I was thinking of this, that came right to me. It was like that really is powerful, if anybody, if I'm 60 years old and somebody says, hey, what's the best relationship advice you have? Hopefully I remember that of all the things, because I think if I could say with my old man voice I'll probably be about four foot 11, because I'm probably going to get shorter as time goes by, I don't have a lot to lose. But my old man voice I'll probably say you know, son, the person to be with is the person you can have tough conversation. That's what I hope. Oh my God, oh my God.
Alan:That was brutal for me. You think you're going to sound like that at 60?.
Kevin:60 is still young man. I was channeling the guy from up when I did that.
Alan:Oh, you were Okay, stay a while and listen.
Kevin:What's your next? Love and nugget, sir.
Alan:My next love and nugget is this I think we need to create a pyramid at NLU of the foundation that builds a great relationship.
Kevin:Yeah, of course I think that would be powerful your bottom could be trust, then communication, then ownership.
Alan:I think it would be fire. So anyways, we'll do that, we'll get on it. My next love and nugget is If you handle conflict in a way that is constructive toward growth and you don't avoid conflict, I think you have a really great possibility, probability of having a really successful long-term relationship.
Kevin:Beautiful.
Kevin:Thanks man, you're very welcome. Next Alvination Very excited. So my mom and Mima shout out to mom and memes have donated six NLU Dreamliners. My mom texted me today at like 5.30. She works at the third shift and I was working. I was in the office working and she said, hey, I'd like to donate three Dreamliners. And then she said you know what? Mima would like to donate three Dreamliners as well. Give them to someone you can do a giveaway on the podcast. So this is what we're going to do If you leave us a review, a written review, on whatever podcast platform you're listening preferably positive.
Alan:Preferably positive. Preferably positive.
Kevin:And screenshot it and send it either to kevinatnextleveluniversecom or alanatnextleveluniversecom. Here's why. A couple of reasons. One we need your address because we'll literally send it right to you. You don't have to do anything, just give us your address and we'll send it to you. Part two if you're in a different country, we can't see the reviews. So all we can really see I mean, we can, there's ways to do it, but usually we can only see the reviews from this country, unless we go digging and we're in the US. I know we have global listeners, so, if you want it, the first six people who leave reviews and send it over, we are going to send these off totally free. Shout out to mom and memes for taking care of the NLU family.
Alan:Shout out to mom and memes. That was so sweet, thank you, thank you. Thank you Also. We will keep your address private. Do not worry. Correct, we'll keep your address private. So it is 2024.
Alan:And if you're ready to get to the next level of your life, we have an event in 56. 20 hours, 29 minutes and 56 seconds. The Groton Inn is a beautiful venue Mountains in the background. We've been there before. That's where Kevin gave his very first speech. That was the first time we ever spoke together. It's going to be interesting going back there all these years later as a new, upgraded version, next level version of ourselves.
Alan:There's in-person tickets, lunch is included and it is a very, very, very nice venue that has really good food, and we know that because we've done this before. Okay, the in-person event ticket is $97, which will include also a Dreamliner. So if you come for no other reason than just to get a free Dreamliner, that's what you do. We also are doing a virtual event. So if you are not local, okay. So the in-person is reserved for only people that are local. If you are local, please do that. If you're not local, we have a lot of global listeners. We're doing 30 people in-person, 30 people virtual. Six groups total all of 10. So 60 people total 30 and 30 groups of 10. The virtual event ticket is $47.
Alan:I already talked to Kev. I've already told you this yesterday. If, for whatever reason, you come to the event and for some reason, it's not amazing and you don't like it and you think it's awful, I seriously doubt that's going to happen. We're putting all of our best stuff into this. We will give you your money back. Okay, for the virtual ticket.
Alan:So the landing page is up. The link is in the show notes. All the photos from last year are there. We have people at workshop. It's awesome. So it's going to be absolutely great. All the photos are there. Kevin and I, amy, jesse, come meet the team, come see us. We hope to see you in person. We only get to do in person things a couple times a year and it really does mean the world to us and even if you are virtual, we want it to feel like you're there with us. Okay, it's going to be very different than listening to a podcast passively. It's going to be live. It's going to be live. We hope you join us, learn exactly how to design and achieve the most aligned, fulfilling and successful life possible. Next level university, next level live 2024.
Kevin:Boom Ready to run through a wall.
Alan:Yeah, man, it's going to be good 57 days out. Let's go, or 56 or something.
Kevin:I forget what I said. Something like that Airbnb is booked, the team's coming in, so there'll be a lot of behind the scenes content as well. Okay, tomorrow for episode number 1597,. This is Alan's recommendation from something that he talked to clients about with Emilia. What a tough run on sentence the three buckets of expenses. Again, we are life, love, health and wealth, and I realize we don't talk about as much about money as we could, so I want to do a better job there. So we're going to try to juggle the topics a little bit better. So that's what we're going to talk about tomorrow. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we do it out of fans. We have family and we will talk to you all tomorrow.
Alan:Keep checking in with your partners. Next up on NLU.
