Next Level University
Confidence, mindset, relationships, limiting beliefs, family, goals, consistency, self-worth, and success are at the core of hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros' heart-driven, no-nonsense approach to holistic self-improvement. This transformative, 7 day per week podcast is focused on helping dream chasers who have been struggling to achieve their goals and are seeking community, consistency and answers. If you've ever asked yourself "How do I get to the next level in my life", we're here for you!
Our goal at NLU is to help you uncover the habits to build unshakable confidence, cultivate a powerful mindset, nurture meaningful relationships, overcome limiting beliefs, create an amazing family life, set and achieve transformative goals, embrace consistency, recognize your self-worth, and ultimately create the fulfillment and success you desire. Let's level up your health, wealth and love!
Next Level University
#1604 - Why You’re Starting To Outgrow People
Have you ever found yourself at a crossroads with a friend, unsure if you’ve outgrown each other? Navigating personal change is a journey that often involves evaluating and sometimes letting go of relationships that no longer serve our growth. In today’s episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros delve into this emotional process, sharing personal anecdotes and actionable insights on embracing growth while navigating the delicate dance of outgrowing relationships.
Links mentioned:
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Alan@nextleveluniverse.com
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Show notes:
(2:08) Outgrowing relationships
(4:14) A new idea
(8:38) The most challenging part of growth
(9:51) Grow and sail away from toxic
(14:44) Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: https://a.co/d/f1FWAQA
(15:18) Metaphors
(17:30) Hard, but it has to happen
(21:14) Ask yourself these questions
(27:35) Outro
Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level university, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your Well. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1603, why quitting your job is a mistake. Dot, dot, dot. Potentially today for episode number 1604, why you're starting to outgrow People. We're talking about this on one of our team calls a few months ago and this is something I've seen a lot. I've seen a lot with friends, with clients. When you get to a certain stage I don't know when it is I think it probably depends on on who you are and how you're growing and what, what you're ultimately growing towards and to what we get to this stage where we start to question the friendships and the relationships in our lives. And I've heard so many people say this. I feel like I'm out growing this person and I don't know where it's coming from. And I remember Alan, somebody said that on the team and I said from my perspective and again, this is just my perspective I Think it's fairly accurate, but I could be off when I've heard people say that the people that they're out growing, they should have let go a long time ago, but now they have enough self-belief, they have enough self-worth, they have a strong enough community, they have enough clarity. Whatever it may be where people don't get through that filter anymore, and it's usually Somewhat negative people. That's, that's just what I've seen Somebody you'll say, yeah, this person, I don't know. I was hanging out with them the other day and they were just talking down to me and they kept Poking fun at my dreams and my goals and they were just lessening everything I was doing. Has that Restarted now? Or are you just seeing it now for the first time and you actually have the courage to admit what it is? So that's really what I want this episode to be about. If you're starting to outgrow people, ask yourself Is there someone who actually deserved a spot in my life in the first place? And If the answer is no, when did they stop earning it? And Maybe the out.
Speaker 1:Growing is not necessarily a result of your growth only. It's a result of your growth mixed with the fact that you're starting to and I guess this is growth in a nutshell but you're starting to see that certain people around you were never really rooting for you. They were there and they were making noise, but it was never positive noise for you to have success. It was more why are you doing what you're doing? It was that negative stuff where people try to pull you down. Then that becomes their identity in our friend groups and we say, oh, that person just kind of they're rough around the edges or they always make fun of me, but I know they mean well. Eventually you get to the place where you don't tolerate that anymore. I think that's a beautiful place of growth to aspire to. I hope so.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you über didn't do what they needed to do to stay in your life. Understandable, understandable. The reframe that I try to offer for that is yeah, you did do something wrong for the long time where you tried to keep yourself small, to keep that person around. And now what's happening is you already outgrew them. You just never left. You outgrew them and you stayed because you were afraid of losing them. And again, I have a weird relationship with a relationship. So I'm not saying it would be this easy, but that's often what I see is someone says, well, I feel like I'm outgrowing this person, but then, when you dig in, the truth of the matter is they feel like they've already kind of left that person behind, but they don't wanna leave, they wanna stay with that person One of the best examples of this that I can offer, at least.
Speaker 1:I had a friend and I was dating this young lady and she said I wanna meet your friends. And I said awesome, you can come over, we'll have a cookout. You can meet my two best buds. And I said let me explain, let me talk to you about my friends. And I said one of them is awesome. He's like my big brother, he's super supportive. He's gonna be super curious. He's gonna love you because I'm dating you. He'll be super curious about what's going on in your life. Just a good dude, just a good human.
Speaker 1:And I said the other guy. And then I paused and I said he's gonna make fun of you in front of me, for sure, and he's gonna think it's funny. And it's not gonna be. He's not that funny. He's gonna make fun of you, for sure, and he's gonna think it's funny, but it's not. He's gonna make inappropriate jokes, for sure. He just kind of identifies as a dick. He just identifies as a dick. And then I thought imagine if somebody had to introduce me that way. Imagine if somebody had a preface yeah, I'm gonna meet someone you care about, but just, fyi, be careful for Kev. Kev's probably gonna say some inappropriate stuff, and I'm sure I have in the past.
Speaker 1:But regardless, I knew this about that person but it went from funny and quirky and it's just their identity to eventually I don't know if I can tolerate that. I've grown, I grew and what I wanted in the people around me grew and not that. Again, I don't have anything against that person. So I had some of the best times in my life with that person. I've had some of the best laughs I've ever had with that person. But that person didn't aspire to Evolve to the place that I wanted to evolve to. All that realization was is, oh my goodness, the things that we used to. I Don't want to say the things that I admired about that person, because I don't think I ever admired that mentality, but the things that I let slide for a long period of time I'm not willing to let slide me. I just Was honest enough at that point to admit it. And then that friendship ended up drifting away and it doesn't exist anymore.
Speaker 1:But the truth of the matter is you could do one of two things you could say well, you know, that's just kev, that's just kind of how kev is and this is your choice. You can decide to keep kev around. If that's okay, that's up to you. That's totally up to you. You don't have to outgrow someone just because you have different goals or you have different dreams. That's okay, that's up to you. But there is most likely going to be some level of detriment to it. So that's one option, or the other option is you Say, well, for some reason it just feels different. When we spend time together it doesn't seem like we're on the same page and when we talk it just doesn't connect. And I always get that weird feeling. Before I see them and when they leave, I'm always super relieved and I feel dirty when they leave. Whatever it is, that's a sign, that's some sort of sign, and, as always, do with that sign what you please.
Speaker 1:But I'm convinced that the outgrowing process happens far earlier than we admit. We just eventually get to the point where we're either courageous enough or we have enough self-worth, or we have other people that have similar core values, core beliefs and core aspirations, where we don't think we're gonna be alone, and Then we say, oh, now I'm spending more time with Alan, I feel like I can probably let go of some of the toxicity in my life because Alan's got me covered and I think it's just that kind of that process, unfortunately. That's why the higher you climb, the more people you'll ultimately outgrow, because not everybody wants to go where you're. You're going and again, I have all the empathy in the world. I don't expect everybody to want to go to the same place and no worries, no stress. I will definitely miss people, for sure, but I I probably miss myself more if I pretended to be somebody I wasn't. That's my, that's my belief. You, you, you, you, you can.
Speaker 1:It's a lot of episodes. I've seen you in sweatpants, sweatpants and your hair and mess. I've seen that for sure. I'm one of the few. I don't remember that. When was that? When we had a mentor one time and he said what did he have to create a void?
Speaker 1:So if you have 10 friends and you can only handle 10 friends at any given time and again, don't take this as what to do, because it's going to sound very cold and calculated, but you'd want to figure out who is the top nine friends that are most aligned, reallocate time with the 10th friend and then replace the 10th friend with somebody more positive. But if you only have 10 spots available, you do have to open up the opportunity to potentially lose one of those people to gain something better. And I think you're not going to be able to get a better job unless you leave the job that you have. You're not going to be able to get a better house unless you leave the house you have. You're not going to be able to get a better car unless you don't drive the car you have. That's kind of the way it works, so that makes it extra, extra challenging.
Speaker 1:This would be my next level nugget. Ask yourself are the people in your life in your life because of the quality, or are they in your life because they hold space? Again, hardcore question, I know, but I think a lot of us definitely myself included in the past I was afraid to lose attention, not love, because it wasn't really love I was getting anyway. I was afraid to lose companionship, I was afraid to lose the space that people held. So again, I know that's a hardcore question, but that would be my next level nugget which one? Are the people in your life the best from your past or the best for your future. That's one of my favorite quotes. It's hardcore, it's heavy, it's a big realization to get. But again, yeah, maybe we went to high school together. Maybe we went to. I didn't go to college, but hypothetically maybe we went to college together. Maybe we used to work together. Those are commonalities we used to share doesn't mean they're commonalities that I still value to this day.
Speaker 1:I went to high school with a lot of people, some people I still talk to, some people I've completely forgotten about, some people that I think about. But that's not enough anymore. I'm 34 years old. I graduated in 2007,. That was a long time ago. I've had a life since then and it's higher 17 years since then.
Speaker 1:So I think this is always a very challenging topic to touch on, because I know I seem very cold and calculated when it comes to this. I just have a weird relationship with relationships. But I also realized that I wanna get to where I wanna get to and I would be really, really sad, my future self would be really frustrated and pissed off with past self if I allowed myself to get stuck staying in relationships that didn't serve me. I would just be very frustrated in 15, 20, 30 years by saying, oh wow, I really wish I spent more time doing this, in less time with these people who just didn't believe in me and when I say this, I'm talking about potentially toxic people. Just because somebody doesn't have massive goals doesn't mean you can't spend time with them. That's not what I'm saying at all. If somebody is crapping on your dreams, there's probably a better use of your time. There's probably somebody out there that's a better fit for your friendship, love, whatever it is. That's what I'm saying. Strong work, yeah, thank you very much.
Speaker 1:Next level live is 40, I think it's 46 days from today. I asked Google. I think it said 47 days. This episode is dropping tomorrow, so I think it's 46 days from today. Next level live is a live event we're gonna have. We're gonna have 30 people. Alan and I are going to be your speakers. Amy is gonna be the emcee and she crushed it Last year. This is the first. This is the event that we this is the venue that we had our very first event. At my first speech ever, of all time, I was the most nervous. I thought I was gonna go terribly wrong. We made a lot of good friends, some friends that we still talk to to this day.
Speaker 1:You actually have a client. We met at that event, however, many years ago. So it's in Groton, mass. It is $97 for in-person tickets and $47 for virtual tickets. In-person, you're gonna get a free next level dreamliner that I'm showing here on the camera, as well as a beautifully catered lunch and just great scenery. The virtual event you will have a live feed of the entire day. So we're only taking 30 people in-person and 30 people virtually, so we can break people up into even groups when we do our breakout sessions. Link will be in the show notes.
Speaker 1:It is selling out faster than expected, which I'm very grateful for. So if you do want a ticket, make sure you lock it, because when we sell 60, that's gonna be it, and then you're gonna have to wait till next year. So last thing before we kick it to Allen, we open the virtual because we know we have a lot of people around the world. So this is a global podcast. We wanna make sure that you have an opportunity to join us from wherever you are in the world. So no matter where you are, it's a great opportunity. Please lock your ticket ASAP. I will take full advantage of that. Tomorrow for episode number 1,605, which one of these motivates you more. Allen and I had a very deep discussion about a couple motivators today, and there's two categories One might make you feel constricted and the other might make you feel expansive. So we're gonna talk about those tomorrow. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.
