Next Level University

#1607 - Do You Start With Yes Or No?

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Share episode

Have you ever found yourself reflexively saying ‘no’ when swamped by the day’s demands, only to realize the lost connections and stifled growth that follow? In this episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros reveal how these two little words, ‘yes’ and ‘no,’ have the monumental power to shape our lives, relationships, and careers. Juggling them isn’t just about being agreeable or cautious; it’s about making intentional choices that reflect our true priorities and values by managing the flood of life’s requests.

Links mentioned:
Next Level Dreamliner - https://a.co/d/f1FWAQA  
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level Live - Saturday, March 23rd, 2024 (10:00 am to 4:30 pm) https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-live/

______________________

NLU is far more than just a podcast, and we have so many more resources to help you achieve your goals and dreams.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

_______________________

Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - ​​https://bit.ly/3xffver
Next Level U Book Club - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-book-club/
Next Level Monthly Meetup:  https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

_______________________

We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

_______________________

Show notes:
(2:17) A bad habit
(4:16) Aligned but not mediocre reactions
(6:14) The master skill of success
(8:09) Too much or too little?
(10:11) Optimism can leave us drowning in commitments
(11:10) Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy: hhttps://a.co/d/f1FWAQA 
(12:17) Learn to say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ with purpose
(13:24) What’s your go-to?
(16:22) Fomo or Jomo: Mixture of alignment and opportunity
(18:49) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin:

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode. Episode number 1601, super underrated word for success. Thoughts a little bit about resourcefulness Not sexy, but definitely necessary. Today, for episode number 1607, do you start with yes or no? Let me change this because I wrote this down wrong. I wrote it down as do you start with yes or start with no? Say do you start with yes or no? Yes, I have noticed. Yes, I've noticed a pattern. No, no, I have yes. Yes on this one.

Alan:

Yes, I have noticed a pattern.

Kevin:

Yes, I have noticed a pattern for myself. When I am scarce I don't want to say overwhelmed, necessarily, but when I'm scarce when it comes to time or energy or focus I have a bad habit of starting with no. All I mean by that is I'll either finish work for the day or I'll be in between calls and I'll go out and I'll see Taryn and she'll say something along the lines of hey, can you do blank? Hey, can we do this? Hey, can we? Whatever it is, it's just an, it's an ask, it's a question of some sort, and usually, without even thinking about it, my natural tendency is to start with no, whether that's because I'm just spread thin and I just do not have the resources to have the conversation, or I just can't imagine doing the thing that she's asking. I just realized, over however long, the last few months I think I caught it a couple months ago and I've been trying to work on it more and more but I realized how bad of a habit that is. I mean, that's a really good way for your partner not to feel seen, not to feel heard, not to feel appreciated, not to feel understood. So I thought we could start this episode with that story.

Kevin:

But I also want to tie in the other piece of things, where one of the reasons I do feel as scarce as I do with time very often is because when it comes to the business side of things, I almost only say yes. So, just as an example, a client asked me something recently. They said hey, have you ever set up email sequences where, when somebody buys the course, it'll send them an email and it'll be like this whole thing? I said no, I've never done that. And they said Do you think you can? I said yeah, I can figure it out. And then I proceeded to spend like five hours on Saturday trying to figure that out and I figured it out and she was over the moon happy about it and it was good. It was a really good opportunity to learn something new.

Kevin:

But one of the reasons that we're having the level of quote unquote success that we're having is because we tend to say yes and then figure it out. But there's also that fine line of I don't want to disappoint people, I don't want to let people down. So I'm trying to make sure that yes I say is an aligned yes, and I'm also trying to make sure the no's that I say are well thought out and not knee jerk reactions. Not just I'm overwhelmed in the moment. No, I'm not even going to think about what you're asking me. A better representation or a better communication might be. Right now I'm super scarce, so let me think more on that, but I think it would be better if I had more resources at hand and maybe I just wasn't as spread thin.

Kevin:

Let me take some time to really think about what you said and then I can answer you more appropriately, more accordingly. So a couple of different directions for this episode, but which one are you? Do you start with yes or do you start with no, not just in your relationships intimate relationships, family, friends but also in your opportunities. As a dream chaser, I've met some dream chasers who say no very, very often and they're not giving themselves the opportunity to build as much momentum as they could. But I've also met people who say yes too often and they spread themselves too thin and they're not opening themselves up to other opportunities of yes. That would be more aligned. So what do you want? I just think.

Alan:

Isn't that the way of it?

Kevin:

It's always too much or too little?

Alan:

It's always that.

Kevin:

It's always the drive to find. There was another episode I was thinking about. That is quite literally the same concept. It's just different, just different specifics. I guess where it's and I don't remember what it was. I'm sure it'll come back to me and we'll do an episode on it, but it was. Yeah, you're either on this end or on this end. How do we move you closer to the middle? That really is pretty much every episode in a nutshell, every episode comes down to that.

Alan:

It's the. So I was telling Kev before we recorded that there is a insane productivity course that I took a while back best best course I've ever taken in my entire life and in that it says the master skill of success is saying no. But here's the thing for someone who already is fearful, doesn't believe in themselves and is scarce and doesn't jump to yes, then that's the worst advice ever. What about someone who already says no, like hey, do you want to give that job a shot?

Kevin:

No.

Alan:

Hey, do you want to try that interview? No, do you want to submit your resume and cover letter? No, that's not good advice at all For someone who's at the tail end of their career, who has built their career on tons of opportunities. Say yes, say yes, say yes. If you've ever seen the movie yes man, you know what I'm talking about and the movie. The premise of the movie is say yes, say yes to life. Say yes, now, in the beginning it's awesome. He's doing a bunch of cool stuff, he's meeting new people, he's hammering red bulls. This is a really funny scene of red bull, red bull, red bull. He's just off to the races but by the end he's basically in the fetal position, all hung over, just realizing that he cannot sustain this.

Alan:

So, the truth of the matter, as always, saying no was good advice for me, because I was the person who said yes to everything and everyone Back in college. I talk about how I was everything for everyone. I was yes, I'll do that. Yes, I'll go to that party. Yes, I'll do this. Yes, I'll go to that barbecue. Yes, I'll be there. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I was the yes person and I had tons of friends too many to sustain. It was absolutely brutal. And then I went the other way and I just said no to everything. I just if it's not fitness bodybuilding, I'm just done. Nope, nope, nope. And for a long time I avoided any get-together. It's just because I was afraid I was going to end up drinking again when I was trying to quit drinking.

Alan:

Here's my point, though Anyone out there right now listening or watching to this, watching to this, watching this, you either say yes too often or yes too little. You either say no too often or no too little. The advice that I give to my clients, it's always so unique to them. It's always that I have someone I was just on a coaching call with earlier today who is the most resourceful with her funds that I've ever seen of anyone. She is an investor to a fault. She invests every dime, every dollar, every day, every minute into something that builds, and she very, very rarely consumes anything. Giving her advice of you need to say no to more spending is not the right advice. You need to get your nails done. You need to buy that jacket. That's $50 that you don't think you're deserving of. That's good advice for her, but someone who's already saying yes and buying things they don't need and shopping too much and saying yes, that's the worst advice ever. Go shop more. Someone who already shops all the time doesn't need to be told to shop more.

Alan:

At the end of the day, are you on the end of? This is what I believe. If you have really high self-belief and you're really optimistic about the future, you do say yes too much. I'm on that end. I say yes too much for sure. If you are overly pessimistic and you don't think a lot's going to work out and you're overly scarce and you're overwhelmed and you're fearful and you don't have a lot of self-belief, most likely you say no too often. Again, this depends on the circumstance. Maybe you say yes to trips but no to career opportunities. It depends on the facet. Everyone with self-assess where are you at? Are you saying yes too much and too often, or are you saying no too much and too often? Are you jumping right to no because you're overly scarce? Are you jumping right to yes? The way that?

Alan:

The last thing I'll share is when Kevin and I had a big month, we would start saying yes to everything. We were overly abundant. Just yeah, let's do it. Yeah, let's do the new thumbnails. Yeah, but it's too much. And then obviously after that, eventually you know that levels out and it's like whoa, whoa, whoa, we gotta pump the brakes. With all this yes, too much expansion, it's too quick, we need to dial it back. I'm overwhelmed. You know, we can't keep doing all this new stuff, and so you'll notice, kev, whenever I get comfortable we talked about this in the last episode I'll suddenly get uncomfortable with the comfort and then I'll immediately try to up the ante and start doing all these new things. So I gotta be careful with myself, and Kevin does as well, because luckily we have each other where I tend to say yes, too much and too often, too quickly, aim too high, too big, and you tend to be a recluse.

Kevin:

So you know, what I think it is for me is I don't like to commit to anything. I don't like to commit to too much at once, because I want the opportunity of freedom. I would rather leave it open and say, yeah, I'll let you know, and then say yes, rather than say yes and then not wanna do it. I think that's one of the things about me is I just don't like to tie myself to something three, four weeks away, a month away. I don't wanna do that because a law can change in a month. A law can change. I don't know where I'm gonna be a month from today. Things change quickly and I might not wanna do what I said I wanna do today.

Kevin:

The other part of it for me is I would much rather just live in the truth and just say look, I don't thank you for the invite, but I don't wanna come. I would just much rather do that Again. I know I'm weird with certain things like that, but for me I would just rather say I just don't, I'm just not into it, I don't wanna come, I just don't wanna. I appreciate it, appreciate the invite. I know you wanna have me there. I just don't wanna be there. I wanna stay home and R and R. I'm tired, I'm whatever. I'm gonna spend time with Tara and I'm gonna go to the gym. I'm gonna go Jiu-Jitsu, whatever it is.

Alan:

Isn't it so interesting how hard it is to say that out loud like wild.

Kevin:

It's very easy for me because I've done it so many times.

Alan:

Yeah.

Kevin:

I've done it so many times but I understand it's not. That is not an easy practice. That is a very, very challenging thing. It's a very, very challenging thing. There is a piece of me that wants to kind of be considered stubborn because I stop getting invited to things that I don't really wanna go to anyway. That's been something that when you say no enough, people stop inviting to certain things. I know I and pun intended.

Alan:

That's perfect, yeah, yeah.

Kevin:

But, and that's perfect. That's perfect because that is in alignment with, for some, people.

Alan:

That's really hard, though, because they have FOMO of missing out, right Understandable. What is it? Fomo is fear of missing out, and then Emilia says we have Jo-Yo which Joy of missing out, or Jomo Joy of missing out, and I think that's what you have too, because a lot of that stuff I agree with Kev on this. There's a lot of things that I don't really wanna do. I'm not interested, but every now and then it gets lonely, and I think people struggle with that.

Alan:

So the yes and no thing, same deal personal life, professional life. I focused on professional life at the beginning, but to Kevin's point in your personal life, are you saying no to too many people or yes to too many people spreading?

Kevin:

yourself way too thin at the expense of yourself Go ahead or no or no. Where you in the moment you say no but then you regret it later because you have FOMO. It's a very it's definitely specific to you. My advice on this is probably off, because I'm just weird with this stuff. I don't really wanna have anybody over to watch UFC. I wanna watch it by myself. For the most part I like that, I've always liked that. I don't really I'm weird.

Alan:

I'm a loner. I'm a loner One thing we have to keep in mind as well. I find this difficult to reconcile my own mind, but you and I are. Our career is built around pouring into people and being around people.

Alan:

The last thing and again I want this to not come off wrong but coaching so many people and the team, the last thing I wanna do on a Sunday is go connect with people, because our connection cup is always overflowing. I mean, it's just constant and I'm grateful for that. That's wonderful, that's what we want. So I'm being humble and grateful in that. But I wanna recluse. I do. I want to recluse as well on the weekends and stuff like that. So I think that's another piece of this, too Kev, that we don't fully understand, which is, of course, we don't have FOMO because we're constantly on doing a lot with a lot of people.

Alan:

But I remember back when I was in sales and corporate, I used to go to dinner and go to lunch and that was what sales was. You meet people, you meet customers, you're at the facilities, you're meeting people constantly and I remember I used to. I did not wanna hang out with anyone on the weekends. I was so sick and tired of seeing people and it wasn't anything negative, it was just I do that for a living. I meet people and connect with people for a living. The last thing I wanna do is do that and you're the CSO now chief sales officer. So you're constantly connecting with people as your career and as your mission and as your focus. So the last thing you're gonna wanna do is go connect, but your wife Taryn isn't doing that.

Kevin:

So she's gonna wanna go connect. Not as much as me, not as much as me. She is on a lot of meetings Not as many as me, but she's on a lot of meetings, fair.

Alan:

But I think that's something we have to keep in mind as well, but for the listeners. Are you on the FOMO end where you're afraid to miss out and so you say yes when you shouldn't? Or are you on the Jomo end where you're so excited to miss out that you say no too often and you're not building strong connections?

Kevin:

I do believe it is a mixture of alignment and opportunity. Alignment in your personal life, opportunity in your dream chasing life. That would be my next level, nugget. Alan, you have a call in three minutes, just FYI, what's your next level, nugget?

Alan:

My next level nugget is yeah. I think it's as simple as ask yourself the question of where am I saying no too much and where am I saying yes too much, and then see what your intuition comes up with. Because, most likely, whether you're over on the yes side too far or over on the no side too far, depending on the circumstances, you're probably outside of alignment out of fear.

Kevin:

Yeah, check the patterns. I know you and I, you used to do this a lot. I'm sure you still do it, but we used to talk about it a lot more where you would do experience reviews with Emilia. After you guys would do something, you'd say is that something that I do again or did it fill my cup? Did it drain my cup? That's something Tara and I have done. If you find yourself saying, honestly, I probably wouldn't have done that again, okay, maybe we dial up the no. If you say, wow, I would definitely do that more. I wish I did. Maybe we dial up the yes. I think that's a really good perspective to have.

Kevin:

Next level live is March 23rd 2024 in Groton. Mass Tickets are selling fast. We have in-person as well as virtual and if you have not yet joined Next Level Nation, please do. It is our private Facebook group. That is a wonderful opportunity. It's a wonderful community, a great place for you to connect excuse me with like-minded individuals. Tomorrow for episode number 1,608,. Why are people villainizing you? We have seen this time and time again where certain people, regardless of what they're trying to do in the world, whether it's well, usually it's really, really good stuff Unfortunately they get villainized, and I know whether you're watching or listening. You're trying to do really amazing stuff in the world, so maybe you, unfortunately, have experienced this, so we are gonna talk about that tomorrow. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we run of fans. We have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Alan:

Dial in your yeses and nos. Next level nation.

Kevin:

The time went by so fast. I looked and it was 12.56. Yeah.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Alan Lazaros

Host
Head Shot

Kevin Palmieri

Host