Next Level University

#1615 - Are You “Pushing” Yourself Too Much?

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Motivation: it’s the fuel that drives our ambitions and aspirations toward success. But what if the key to unlocking our full potential isn’t pushing harder but being pulled by our true calling? In this intriguing episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros dove deep into the essence of intrinsic motivation and its undeniable power in guiding us toward our triumphs. It invites us to embrace the unseen energy of authentic desire and carve our path to achievement, following the current of our convictions.

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Show notes:
(2:22) Pushing VS Pulling
(4:33) The analogy of EAC from “Finding Nemo.”
(7:03) The heartbeat of NLU
(10:49) Better to regret what you have done than what you haven’t
(12:28) Two ways
(14:52) At NLU, we want you to win! So, we’re giving you the tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meetup every first Thursday of the month at 6 PM. https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/
(15:31) Pull of passion and the push of pledge
(18:24) The level of goals will dictate the level of challenge
(21:18) Soul’s recognition of alignment with your highest calling
(23:17) The magnetic force of authentic aspirations
(27:57) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin:

Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level university, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1614. Can you be motivated without this goals? It's very, very hard I won't say impossible but I would say it's very, very challenging to be motivated without specific goals that Inspire you and you feel are possible for you today. For episode number one thousand six hundred and fifteen are you pushing yourself too much so, as I mentioned in Friday's last episodes, outro, this might not be what you think when you see this title.

Kevin:

What we talked about today might not be exactly what you thought it would be. We were talking the other day, alan and I. We were talking about Pushing versus pulling a push. Is you forcing yourself to do something that you don't really want to do? That might not be what's best for you. It might be very outside your character and your nature. It just might not be what's best for you. I think that would be the the best way to put it Versus doing the stuff that pulls you, the stuff that might come easier to you because it's what you're supposed to be doing, the stuff that might seem like it's easier to do for you because it's more fulfilling. That's kind of what we want to talk about today, because I Just think, now more than ever, where we're trying to be as honest as humanly possible, where not everybody is gonna have the same level of success, especially at the same thing. Not everybody should do the same thing, because you're much better suited for certain things than you are other things.

Kevin:

If you've ever seen someone and said how are they always so motivated? How do they get up and do things as often as they do? How do they? I Remember Joe Rogan one time said I can't Understand how the rock does as much as he does. It exhausts me to look at his Instagram page because he's always doing something.

Kevin:

My thought is, the rock probably has a bigger pull. His he has reason for doing what he does is bigger. He has a bigger pull. Maybe nobody knows exactly what it is. Maybe it's to be the most positively influential person. I don't know. I don't know what his pull is, but if you've ever seen someone that just gets up and does it, they probably have a really strong pull towards something that maybe you're just not aware of yet. Maybe you're that way. Maybe you have a really, really strong pull. When you're walking by a Can on the side of the road, you have to pick it up. Maybe part of your pull is to leave this earth better than you found it. So that's really what we wanted to talk about today Just the difference between pushing yourself to do something, which we're always gonna have to do, but also allowing yourself to be pulled in the right direction by the right thing in the right way.

Alan:

So this is something that I've contemplated a ton and I'm very, very excited to do this episode, the analogy that I want to bring to everyone. I hope that everyone has seen the movie Finding Nemo. I remember I rode my bike when I was in my teens to go see a movie and we ended up not Catching. We took us too long to get there, remember? You know there was a certain time and you don't get to watch the movie if, if not now, we can just stream it. But we ended up seeing Finding Nemo instead because we missed the movie we wanted to go see I forget which one and In that movie there's a scene it's really famous, that everyone knows about with the turtles, the sea turtles, and it's the EAC, the East Australian current.

Alan:

For those of you who have not seen the movie, essentially what the East Australian current is is it's it's this vortex of water that is taking them to Sydney, australia, and I think this is a perfect analogy for what Paul feels like. It's almost like so that scene where where Squirt, which is the little turtle, falls out of the EAC, falls out of the current, the adult turtle says no, no no, no, relax, okay, let us see what squirt does.

Alan:

Flying solo and Squirt is like all discombobled, discombobled, all discombobulated, and and spinning all over the correct the place, and then all of a sudden it's just calm, I. And then eventually he gets his bearings and he swims, swims, swims, pushes himself, pushes himself, pushes himself to get Back into the, the current, and then he's like did you see me? Did you see me? And he's like you, so totally rock squirt. Have you seen the movie, by the way? No, oh, you haven't, okay, so Kevin has not seen funny anymore, but anyways, it's a hilarious scene.

Kevin:

I believe I just never. Here's the thing I just never got into animated movies and now I just Don't do it. Yeah, it's a big ask. I I did enjoy despicable me I Was a fan of that. Tara and I watched the first two. I think there's, however many, I think we. I think we watched too, so I'm not against it. I just I feel like now it's too late. I go watch Finding Nemo.

Alan:

20 years later, everybody already knows everything, maybe I'll do it.

Kevin:

I like movies where there's violence.

Alan:

That's fair.

Alan:

That's fair. You do, you, kev? I'm not making that wrong, I know. I know you just won't understand many of my references. I'm used to it, it's okay.

Alan:

So the idea here is and this is something that I want to share with everyone when you're around someone who has a lot of pull, it's kind of like the EAC, and I'm gonna use NLU as an analogy here. Nlu has, you know, kevin and I are business owners and we have the core team, and then we have the, the freelancer team, the contract workers, and then we have the community. When you're in the NLU community, you are in the EAC, you're in pull, you're more motivated, you're more inspired, you're more dialed in, you're more ignited, and people who don't Want to grow, don't want to learn, don't want to evolve, don't want to achieve, usually won't feel very comfortable around NLU. And so what I've noticed happens is someone comes into the East Australian current, they come into NLU, and a lot of times what happens is the the pull is greater, the hole is greater than the sum of its parts, meaning you add your pull to it. So we'll use Kevin and I as an example, but I want everyone thinking of themselves.

Alan:

When Kevin first came into my life. He had goals, he had dreams, but they were much yeah smaller than than what I had intended and what we've come to learn. This doesn't make Kevin wrong or me right. It's nothing like that. I'm not better than none of that. What it is, though, is that I have a stronger pull, and the best way I can describe it is I can't stay in bed for a long time. I Can get good sleep, but I can't. I can't just hang out, and and if you've ever hung out with me, spent time with me behind the scenes, you know that I can't just hang out just to hang out, and I've come to understand why that is. Now I have a really strong pull. The best way I can describe this is it's almost like I'm being pulled out of bed. I'm being pulled out of.

Alan:

I remember I went to a concert once, and I remember being like I have to leave. I shouldn't be here. I'm supposed to leave, and I don't know if that's normal. Like I just I know I'm supposed to go learn or grow, or do my own thing. I'm not supposed to be at this concert. I'm supposed to be building an L? You or doing the mission, and so, whether you call it purpose calling or mission, the EAC is purpose calling, mission, highest self. There's a lot of different terms. You can Spiritual, you know a spiritual pull. If you've ever been inspired to do something, that's pull. Motivation is much more push, and so what I try to tell people is you have to push yourself to stay in the pole, and I think the pole is. I'm gonna regret it if I don't.

Alan:

I remember I had a partner who wanted me to take two weeks off, and it was right in the heat of Kevin and I starting the hyper conscious podcast and starting to get traction and momentum. We were helping people, we were adding value, we were really growing. And I remember I said I can't do that. I can't go away every other weekend for the whole summer and then take two weeks off in August. She's like, why not? You're an entrepreneur? I said exactly. And the truth is I didn't have the courage to say this now Back then.

Alan:

I do.

Alan:

Now I don't want to. The truth is I don't want to. I'm going to be miserable sitting there. I mean, a lot of people would love to sit by a lake for two weeks and enjoy themselves. That is just not me, and I now understand that I'm just called to maximize my potential. I'm called to help other people maximize their potential. I'm called to contribute at a higher level. I'm called to these things.

Alan:

And so, whether it's NLU, me or Kevin, you know those people that you say wow, they're just so motivated, they're just so on point, they're just so dialed in, they're just so amazing. What I've come to understand is that they just have a calling. They have a calling that might be bigger or different than you. They're climbing a larger mountain. And the answer is if you are going to get 10 years from now and you are not going to make much progress from where you are right now, would you regret it? I think most people would say yes, but we would all have different levels of regret. If I were to stay doing what we're doing right now and not improve at all and just coast and then do decent in our careers, I would regret that so much more than you, definitely, and I think the reason why is because all of us know deep down what we're capable of.

Alan:

And then the last piece of this Kev. I want everyone to think of themselves as a clear glass of water when they're born. When you're born. You're a clear glass of water. No one threw the BS in your water. No one threw anything toxic in your water. There's no poison in there, there's no distortion, there's no BS. It's just a clear glass of water. I think that's when we're connected to our calling.

Alan:

I don't know Intuition you can call this intuition I'm supposed to XYZ. People say the good example of this is why do you write? You don't even like writing. I know I'm supposed to write and anyone who has a calling knows what that feels like. I don't want to write, not at all. I just am supposed to and I'm going to regret it if I don't. I don't know. I don't know where that comes from Calling purpose, whatever Spiritual, knowing, alignment I don't really know. I can't pretend to know. What I do know is that there's two ways to increase your poll. One is the poll you were born with. Some people have it bigger than others and I think it has to do with your unique potential. We all have different potential. Some people are pulled to play basketball. Some people are pulled to podcast. I feel like you've always been pulled to podcast.

Alan:

I would say so Dude you were giving people relationship advice way back in the day, long before you were a coach.

Kevin:

Through Snapchat, long before you had a podcast. Snapchat days.

Alan:

Yeah, yeah, and I think you pushed yourself to stay in your poll and you were the one who got us to podcast. At the very beginning you were like, oh, let's do this, and you were a guest on my show, but you're the one who made that happen. Remember that, right, I had a YouTube channel, but you're the one who got us to podcast. So Kevin had a poll. He's like imagine if you could do that for a living. And Andrew said you can, some people do. And it was like holy crap, off the races after that. That's a whole other story. But for those of you who do feel the poll, the intuitive calling, I'm supposed to paint, I'm supposed to do graphic design, I'm supposed to you know, listen to NLU. I don't know why I'm supposed to keep staying in it. You're in it, you're in the AAC, you're in your poll, you got to stay in it. And it comes to the other goals. Some of those goals are ego goals. There are things that you think you want, that don't have any pull, that you definitely don't want the process to get them. It would be nice. Those are like that, it would be nice. So, kev, you would never, ever, miss an episode of this podcast. I know that you can't miss an episode.

Alan:

What is that? Is Kevin more motivated than all of you? Definitely not. With certain things, no, no, no, with certain things he could care less. He misses the gym all the time. Missed a tiny bit, of course you care, but not as much as the podcast, no, okay. So the clear glass of water. The only way to connect to your poll. What I've found is get the BS out of the water, get the trauma out of the water, clear the glass, and that's therapy, that's inner work, that's growth, that's getting away from toxic people, that kind of stuff. And I think your poll naturally increases when you get around more positive, inspiring people. But remember, some of that poll is theirs, because the whole is great in the sum of its parts, and that's the best way I can describe this. And now I'll let Kevin talk. It's very challenging.

Kevin:

It's a very, very challenging thing to talk about because it's a feeling, very hard to talk about feelings when I'm thinking about it. As you were talking, I was thinking of this If you wanna be the most and again successful in quotes because it's unique, depending on you and what you want we have to push ourselves through the stuff that we don't wanna do to stay in the pull of what we do wanna do. And I really think that if you wanna be a photographer, just as an example. So Alan and I use a lot of different examples just because there's dream chasing means something different to everybody. It might be being a stay at home parent that's your dream, that's always been your dream, awesome. Or homeschooling, maybe that's it, whatever it is. So I just try to throw out different examples as we go. But you love photography and you love taking pictures and you love editing pictures and you love doing all that. But the thing you don't like is learning about sales. The thing you don't like is starting a business. You don't really wanna start a business, but you do wanna do photography. What if, in order to stay in the pull, you have to push yourself to learn more about those things? I think that really is the resistance. The resistance for a lot of us at least for me, it was learning what I had to do in order to continue doing what I love to do, and I think that's a really good juggling act. But that's why we have to figure out what are you pulled to do and how much pushing are you willing to do, and how much pushing is healthy for you. That's it's completely different.

Kevin:

Alan and I have had this conversation. It would be impossible for me to keep up with Alan 100%. I can't. I can't do it. I'm just not capable of it. I'm more capable than I used to be, but here's the truth. It's also not healthy for me. I'm not nearly. If I was working as much as Alan is working, I would not be fulfilled. I wouldn't be fulfilled if I was working 70, 80 hours a week every week Saturday all day, sunday all day even though you say you're not gonna do it. I wouldn't be as fulfilled. I just wouldn't.

Kevin:

Ufc Saturday night I told Taryn. I said I can't do anything. It's a big fight card. She said what about one of the guys I works with likes UFC? Can he come over? Because he's come over to watch UFC. And I was like, yeah for sure, but I can't do anything. I need to watch the fights. I'm burnt out, I'm tired, I just need to refill my cup. I will spend seven hours watching fights. I know that's not the best use of Alan's time and, theoretically, it's not the best use of my time either, but it's gonna fill my cup the next day. I'll get back after it, I'll wake up and I'll do what I have to do.

Kevin:

The big difference between pull and push the pull pulls you out of bed in the morning, like Alan said. The push is you saying I know I have to do this because if I don't do it I won't stay in the pull, and I think that's a really, a really, really good way to think about it. But we have to figure out what's outside of your character. One of the reasons I strongly, strongly dislike a lot of the ego advice that's given of you need to grind your face off, you need to do this, you need to do this, you need to do this awesome. That is with the assumption that you actually have an idea of the level of success that person wants. I would much rather you say what are the things that are most important to me on the day to day and where would I ultimately like to be, that I would be happy with, I would be fulfilled with, I would be filled with joy with if I had these results, versus go, grind your face off and sacrifice everything. Sacrificing everything is right for some people, but not most, and that's just the truth of it. If this is a really good exercise, if I said I will give you $15 million five years from today, but you're going to work 16 hours a day and you're not going to get to do any of the things you value, you cannot spend time with your family like you want to. You're not going to pick your kids up from school, you're not going to go to their sporting events, plays, musicals, whatever it is. You're not going to see your friends none of that stuff. I'm willing to bet the vast majority of people would not do that. Understandably, because five years is a long time to give up what you value as a human. So you're not. I'm not saying that's wrong, trust me. I think, now more than ever, I think that's right. I really do.

Kevin:

Somebody asked me one time, alan, on a podcast. They said why do you think we were talking about how many episodes we have and all that stuff. And he said do you think there's anybody that can do what you guys have done? And I said I don't know. Yeah, there's probably two other humans out there that could do what we're doing. I mean, we're very consistent and we're under a lot of pressure and there's a lot going on behind the scenes. And he said why do you think that is? And I don't know if I answered this or answered it in this way, but here's the truth. What I'm doing is bad for me. It's really good for me in many ways, but it's. I'm a martyr to a degree. We work a lot and I'm overwhelmed and I go to bed and cry sometimes before bed because I'm so overwhelmed. But that's what I signed up for. I don't want anybody else to sign up for that.

Alan:

Unless they regret it if you didn't do that. That's 100%. I think other people would regret it if they did do that I don't want to go back to my old life.

Kevin:

I like this life, but it is very, very challenging. I just want people to understand that the level of challenge in your life, the level of goals in your life, are going to dictate the level of challenge, and it's just good to know that. It's really good to set huge goals if that's what you want to do. But huge goals usually come with huge pains and that's okay as long as you're okay with that and you understand what you're signing up for.

Alan:

I think it all comes down to are you going to? So there are some people that are called the Climb Mount Everest. This is a metaphor. Why? What's the point? I mean, what a bad idea, right? I mean that's my point. But they have to do it. You know, why did you go up there to die? I didn't. I went up there to live. That's like a metaphorical. I just got the chills.

Alan:

The point is not everyone has to climb Mount Everest. Whatever mountain you're supposed to climb and I can't pretend to know where this comes from I think it's a spiritual pole. I think it's you have a calling and I believe fulfillment is the soul's recognition of alignment with your highest calling. We all have a unique potential and I do believe we all have a responsibility to maximize that, and I think the reason why is because when you maximize your potential, you also can maximize your contribution. You know, if everyone was just okay with being whatever and had no pole, we would all just kind of wake up and do nothing all day, and I think that's there's a need for something greater. You know, I remember and this will be the last story I was outside of one of my close friends, back in the day's house and he was making fun of Jeff Bezos, who started Amazon, and he said what an asshole. And I said well, what do you mean? And and I was actually curious, I wasn't trying to be mean or disagreeing or agreeing. I don't necessarily like or dislike Bezos, so please don't associate me with him, I don't. That's not why I'm saying this. But he said if I was him, who needs 90 billion dollars? That's what he said he's like why, if I had 90 billion dollars, I would just quit. And I had this really honest moment with myself of but he never did it for that. That's not why he was doing it. I mean, and, ironically, if he was doing it for that, he wouldn't have that. And, by the way, for everyone out there, he owns a percentage of a company that's worth a trillion dollars, so he doesn't actually have 90 billion dollars unless he sells his stock, in which case he would. But that's neither here nor there. But I remember having this really honest moment of if, if you were to be Jeff Bezos, you would stop working and just enjoy the money. But what you don't understand is that he already had that option years and years and years and years and years before this. He could have done that at the first billion. He could have done that at the first hundred million. The point is is he's not doing it, for that he isn't fulfilled unless he climbs his Mount Everest, and his Mount Everest just happens to be way bigger than this person I was talking to. And so the the lesson in all this is do not set goals based on ego, because when you do, trust me, you don't want what comes with that if you love basketball.

Alan:

I was listening to a clip by an actress and she said this. They said what do you give advice to young actresses? And she said don't do it. That's my advice. And this is a really, really, really famous actress. It's the woman Daenerys Targaryen, amelia Clark, I believe. Amelia Clark, yeah, that is her name. So she and she said don't do it. And I remember thinking myself like that's interesting. She said here's my point Acting, 90% of it is just being unemployed.

Alan:

I Went to LA. I had a friend who was an actor. I mean, it's just, it's just not common to be successful. The amount of people who want to be an actor versus the amount of people that can make a living doing it is is a wildly low percentage and as someone who got to the top of the game, quote-unquote, she's saying don't do it in less and she said in less, unless you can't be fulfilled doing anything else. She didn't use fulfilled, I think she said happy. I just I like fulfilled better than happy, and there's a lot underneath that. But Kev's not gonna want to go back to his old life, not only because it sucked, but because he loves podcasting. But trust me, he doesn't love everything that that is required underneath Making a living podcasting and so no, no, no no, you have to.

Alan:

You have to be so committed to something that you love that you don't have to love everything that comes with it. I think marriage is a great example. You don't love every part of marriage. I'm not married yet, but I'm intending on it and I guarantee you there's gonna be certain certain parts that I don't like. But I would never be fulfilled not being with you immediately for the rest of my life, and I know that. I know that I never Felt that way with past partners. You know, and and I was questioning it like, would I be better, would I not? What would this be better with? Whereas with you immediately, it's not even it's. It's like no chance, no way.

Alan:

Whatever it takes, I will push myself to stay in the poll as long as I have to, because this is my calling, this is who I'm meant to be with. I feel that way. I feel that way strongly, and so that's the best way we can describe this. Don't forget the finding Nemo analogy. And, and the very last Piece is, I've noticed some people come into the poll of NLU and then they think it's their poll when in reality it's actually a collective poll. And I've also had people who are around toxic people. When you get away from toxic people, all of a sudden your poll gets bigger because they were actually draining that poll. So, anyways, a little esoteric, but very powerful.

Kevin:

Tom from Facebook. I'm not Facebook my space. Tom from my space. Mm-hmm, remember Tom from my space, the guy who created my space. Yeah, yeah.

Kevin:

He sold the company for like three hundred and seventy million dollars or something, maybe maybe even more, I don't know and now he just chases his passion of photography, didn't have the poll, didn't want, he didn't want that to be the rest of his life. It didn't have the poll for that. He had a different, he had a different poll. So I think that's a really good, a really good example of that. There's a lot of people who are like really high-level sports athletes, nfl players I've heard this NBA players who they'll play a couple of years in the league and they'll go back to school and do something else. Yeah, what if they just have a different poll? The poll just isn't what they thought it was.

Alan:

So a lot of people judge that and think like I would never do that. It's like, yeah, you're not right, yeah, you might know. Yeah, exactly.

Kevin:

It's very hard. It's very hard to judge somebody else's Decisions when you don't know if you have the same motivations they do.

Kevin:

Very dangerous or inspiration, either either one. All right, we got to go because I have a coaching call. If you have not bought your tickets for next level live, we have in-person tickets as well as virtual tickets. Make sure you get them, because they are selling out quicker than expected, which I am super grateful for. If you have not joined at next level nation yet, please do. If you're looking for a group of people that will help you find and stay inside the poll, next level nation is the place to do that tomorrow. For episode number one thousand six hundred and sixteen, deep down, you already know the answer to the question. You're asking very long, esoteric title, but it'll be another deep, hyperconscious episode. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Alan:

Stay in your unique poll, next level nation.

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Alan Lazaros

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Kevin Palmieri

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