Next Level University

#1629 - Alignment Affects Overwhelm

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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In the bustling pace of our lives, we often encounter a formidable wave of stress and overwhelm. Yet, within this surge lies the potential to catalyze our deepest successes. In this episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros illuminate the path from the clutches of overwhelm to the peak of achievement. The secret? Aligning our daily endeavors with our core values.

Links mentioned:
Next Level Dreamliner - https://a.co/d/f1FWAQA
Next Level Live - Saturday, March 23rd, 2024 (10:00 am to 4:30 pm) https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-live/

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Show notes:
(2:22) A realization: Balance in action
(5:01) Realigning task balance
(6:27) Seasons of sowing and reaping
(9:06) Grinding towards success
(13:03) The work you're doing today is creating the future tomorrow
(15:35) Navigating overwhelm gracefully
(17:06) Next Level Dreamliner: the planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy:  https://a.co/d/f1FWAQA
(19:14) Equalizing your beliefs with reality
(25:03) Navigating overwhelm and alignment
(28:35) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin:

Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1628. It was Freestyle Friday. I named it Alan. Control equals confidence with a question mark, because that's kind of where we started and that was a through line of our conversation. So that is what is titled retroactively today for episode number 1629 alignment effects overwhelm.

Kevin:

I know maybe you're sick of hearing me complain, but just always know I am complaining constructively, not complaining to just complain. My complaints are usually tied to something and I always hope there's a lesson or a breakthrough in them. So this week has been one of the probably one of the busiest weeks I've ever had in terms of just the amount of hours put into doing stuff. And I had a realization yesterday Alan was it yesterday or Tuesday? Yeah, yesterday where I got up at five. And again, this is not that, this is not morning routine porn. I'm not saying you should get up at five and do this, this is just. This was my experience. I got up at five and I went and I worked. That is my morning routine. I walk into the office and I start working. That is, that's just the way I do it. I worked until like eight. The cats eat breakfast to eight. I give them breakfast, I take my pre-workout drink, which is just nitric oxide, and then I went to the gym. So I went to the gym at 830. I've been going to the gym at 830 and I had this moment before I went to the gym where I was thinking to myself I am so overwhelmed. This is the last thing in the world I want to do. This is probably the last thing in the world I should do. I don't want. I should really just sit here and hammer out work. And when I got to the gym, I had this moment where I thought to myself this was the best thing I could have possibly done. Overwhelmed. We've talked about many, many, many times, but as we learn more about it and experience it more, there'll always be new lessons. Overwhelmed, I believe, now more than ever, is not just the amount of things you're doing, it's the alignment of the amount of things you're doing. So this week has been the busiest, most stressful week I've had in a minute. But I've also worked out every single day, whether it's jujitsu or weight lift or weight training and I'm convinced even though that might seem like it would overwhelm me more if I didn't do those things I wouldn't feel the way I feel. I'm good now. I feel good, I got through it, I got over the hump.

Kevin:

The other thing I had, the other realization I had, was it's very much felt like Groundhog Day, where I get up at five and I go to bed at like nine. So pop-up, my father-in-law, stayed with us for the week. It's Thursday, so he stayed, stayed from Sunday to Thursday, and I felt bad because, number one, I'm in the office all day. I saw him like five times in the entirety of his time here. But I'd finish work at eight o'clock. I'd go out, I'd have a turkey sandwich that's what I've been eating for dinner, just because I'm dieting. I love turkey sandwiches and then we'd spend like 20 minutes together and I'd be like all right, I'm gonna head off to bed.

Kevin:

It's like 8.35, 8.40, and it sucks in the moment and it feels overwhelming, it feels constricting to do that day in and day out, day in and day out. But then I wake up somewhat refreshed and then I do it again, but I just make sure I'm checking or I'm just looking at alignment. The further outside of alignment you go with tasks, I think, the the more you have to focus on coming back in with things, whether it's yoga for you. Imagine you wake up in the morning and you're like I have a laundry list of things I have to get done today. I'm gonna skip yoga. What if yoga actually allowed you to get two more things done, because you're more aligned, you're more fulfilled, you're more abundant, whatever it is.

Kevin:

So just can just be very, very careful and I'm telling this to myself as much as anybody else be very, very careful when you decide. I'm overwhelmed, I'm not going to do blank when in reality, the thing that you're avoiding actually fills your cup, not drains it. That's, that was my experience. Jujitsu is physically terrible. It is so tiring, but when I get home I'm fulfilled, I'm it's, I'm higher emotionally, I'm higher vibe, I just I feel better. I feel like I did something weight training, same thing I. I've been hitting it really hard. It sucks, but when I get back, my body is tired, but my mind isn't necessarily tired. I'm not overwhelmed as much as I was before I left.

Alan:

So that's my experience well, what I, what I think we can talk about here, is overwhelm in general, and I'm writing a blog right now. I've talked a lot about it. It's gonna be published tomorrow morning probably, and it's about the five s's of success sacrifice, struggle, suffer, success and then sustain. And it's become very, very clear, because the whole blog is Unpacking all of my Previous building blocks and challenges and pressure and overwhelm that actually have created a lot of the things that Not only my dreams, but a lot of people, a lot of things that a lot of people would want, a lot of things that a lot of people do want. And so the reason why I'm mentioning the blog is because in the blog, it's very clear in hindsight that the different chapters in my life had a ton of overwhelm in them, and so, for example, the pressure cooker that you're in, the grind time that you're in, I was telling you last night that Kevin's worked three 14-hour days in a row. That sounds awful and honestly it is. There's no part about that.

Alan:

That's not like brutally difficult, yeah, but there's going to be a benefit on the other side of that. There's gonna be, there has to be, and a lot of it is things we don't even notice. So Planting seeds, planting seeds, planting seeds, watering the seeds, watering the seeds, watering the seeds, you know, doing the plow? I don't. I don't really know how to do any of this gardening stuff or farming, but it's a good analogy because you put in tons and tons and tons of work in one season Well overwhelmed 14-hour days, 10-hour day, 12-hour day, 11-hour day, 5-hour day, weekend still struggle. Bus, you know, didn't get to see pops.

Alan:

That stuff is Going to create Something on the other end of it. That's actually wonderful and I just feel like all of us are so Unreasonably guilty of not understanding the seesaw effect of this. So Kevin looks like he's down when he's doing three 14-hour days in a row go to bed at 9, wake up at 5, rinse and repeat Groundhog Day. But Even those three days Are building a bigger, better, brighter future that no one can see yet, including you. And when you do have a season where things are fruitful and We've had seasons that I know you were all of a sudden everything is just winning Clients coming out of no listener. Everything's winning, and it seems like we. It's so elusive because I try to remind Kevin of this whenever we have like a big month or a big quarter or things are just rolling, things come out of nowhere. I say this has nothing to do with what we are doing right now. This has everything to do with what we've done up until this point, and so, when it comes to overwhelm, I Think there's a mistruth that I think many people, including myself, are up against, which is the belief that you can achieve Great things without it. I I no longer believe that's true in anything, and I know that's not the point of this episode that you wanted to make. But all good For me, for example, very overwhelmed as well, definitely the most overwhelmed I've ever been, but I'm also able to handle that overwhelm more.

Alan:

It's the whole squatting analogy. Now that I'm better at squatting, I can squat heavier weight, that kind of thing, but I'm still Doing the things that are aligned in tandem with the stuff I don't want to, and so I think a good way to Explain this is you have one train, which is the stuff you have to do in order to achieve the thing that you ultimately want, whatever it is. And and then there's this other train that is aligned, that actually fulfills you. That's sort of something that you want to do forever for your lifestyle. So yoga would be a good example. So Kevin's immediate financial goals yoga does not help that, but it does.

Alan:

If yoga fulfills you and allows you to sustain the grind that sucks. And I like the word grind, not because I think everyone should grind their faces off. I like the word grind because it implies that it sucks. Everything you do in life that achieves something great whether it's financial freedom or a great body or whatever it is great. Intimate relationship. It requires some grind. No one likes doing dishes. No one likes cleaning the house. No one likes vacuuming most likely, I don't wanna say no one, but most people don't and some people tolerate it or whatever. But I think, no matter what you do, you wanna have a wonderful household and a family. Do you want the grind? You wanna have financial freedom? Do you want the grind? You wanna have a better body? Do you want the weight training and the yoga and the mobility and the sleep and the hydration and the nutrition and all that and the diet? So you mentioned turkey, sandwiches, 14 hour days. All that sucks, but I love turkey sandwiches. Turkey sandwiches are great, but it kinda sucks compared to pizza.

Kevin:

Yeah, yeah, well, the other do. The other thing about working a 14 hour day is I don't get hungry, I don't have time, I don't have time to eat, so it's not like it really matters. And again, I know that's not for everyone, but it worked for me. I woke up today, down however many pounds maybe three or four pounds overall, not since yesterday and I had a moment where I said maybe I don't know where I said well, it hasn't really been that hard because I haven't had any, it just hasn't been a focus.

Kevin:

The diet's just happening but I don't really have time to focus on it, which is really good. And then you mentioned this in group coaching I haven't really had time to spend money.

Alan:

Yeah.

Kevin:

So because I'm not ordering food, because I'm not eating until eight o'clock at night and I'm just having turkey because I just wanna eat and go to bed. So there is overwhelm again, and let me just I just wanna make sure I throw this out here this, even the overwhelm I'm in, is aligned overwhelm because this is what I signed up for. So I know there's people out there, maybe listening to this, that get up at five o'clock and go to work for 13 hours and don't like their jobs. That's a different conversation, but I do think it would still benefit you not to sleep in, get your eight hours of sleep on the weekend, but don't sleep for 12 hours and then sit in the couch all day and scroll Netflix, because that's not gonna do it. I know you're tired, but going for a walk in nature, going to a yoga class, going and exercising well, it might make you physically tired. I think it's gonna help you mentally. I really, really, really do. I think there's fulfillment in that type of stuff. So I just wanna add that.

Alan:

Well, when you mentioned jobs that people don't like and all of us have had jobs we don't like at times, some more than others, but you do like the consistent paycheck. And I think again that goes back to the seesaw of I didn't like working in industrial automation and corporate. I really didn't and I didn't always hate it, but I didn't like it. But I did love the security, the health insurance, the safety net, the big checks coming in rolling in. So there's pros and cons to everything. I think that what I wanna make sure I'm doing with myself always is looking at both sides of that, because I think when things are good, it's really easy to fall for the whole well, things are good, now we're rolling, we made it, this is good, and so when things are good, it's hard to keep that humility and not get overconfident and overoptimistic. When things are tough and it's just a grind and there seems like very little to no benefit, I mean there are times when it feels like there's just no, nothing's winning, nothing's going right. I'm working so hard and I get nothing for it. It's so easy to fall for that because the work you're doing today is creating the future tomorrow and that next big upswing on that. Seesaw is gonna be the next level, maybe beyond your wildest dreams, maybe beyond what you've ever experienced that's what I would say, beyond what you've experienced to this point. And so it's all about that sort of season of, okay, it's grind season and then it's fruitful, and then it's grind season and then it's fruitful, and then it's grind season and it's fruitful and I fruitful, and I do believe that that is the way it works. I can feel people's, my clients. It's really cool because I have I coach a lot of people. So I can feel the grind and I think it's one because we're all part of a community. But I think the other piece of it is I can feel the grind in the world.

Alan:

It's almost like there are certain seasons like January. January is a season where everyone's ready and optimistic and they're just in a good place. The holiday everything's good. Prior to the holidays it's not good. Everyone's kind of struggling. They're trying to buy Christmas presents, they're trying to do all this stuff. There's a lot going on. I know it's global, so not everyone celebrates Christmas, but the point is, is that I can start to understand the macroeconomic but the energy of everybody in this constant season.

Alan:

I really wanna make this land is. There are seasons where you're going to be overwhelmed, and how do you make that not a problem? How do you make that okay, how do you make that par for the course Meaning this is what it takes and then trust during that grind that there's gonna be a time where everything feels like it's working and you're rocking and rolling and you're kicking butt and I just think that the grind time will be not easier but more fulfilling if you can trust that and it'll be easier to sustain, I guess. And then, when the good times do come, it's very important again talking to myself here too to just remember like this is not going to last. It's not.

Alan:

Especially, if you want to get to the next level, you're gonna have to go to a deeper level, you're gonna have to have another level of dedication in advance. So I think all success, no matter what it is family, health, wealth, love, life, business, body all success is built on the work behind the scenes that no one sees, and I think a lot of people are struggling behind the scenes way more than they ever portray publicly, and I think only our intimate partners really know. And that's okay. I just want to make it okay to struggle. I think it's really important to not think something's wrong with you when you're struggling because there's not a person I coach who isn't struggling behind the scenes to reach for that next level.

Kevin:

I know we don't like the word balance, but I really think it's balancing your beliefs with reality, equalizing We'll say equalizing your beliefs, that your beliefs with reality. Because if you think about it, unfortunately you and I will have to grind forever. That's just the way it is. That's Now. The grind is gonna be different and eventually it might be easier in certain ways and harder in other ways, because you're not gonna have cats scratching at your door. You're gonna have kids screaming outside the office, hypothetically, but our goals are gonna require us to work really, really hard, very consistently, for many, many, many, many years. And that's okay. We signed up for that.

Kevin:

I think the the issue at times becomes the belief that I'm gonna, not me, the collective me of the us, the we. I have to grind every single day and I have to wake up at five and I have to do this morning routine and I have to work until nine and then I have to make sure I do this and I do this and I do this and I do this If that's what your goals require. That's a different conversation, but I really think I've said this many times on podcasts people say what, what do you think makes you guys different, I don't know Holistic. We want to be well rounded. I don't want to be wealthy and single. I don't want to be super in shape and broke. I want everything, I want to level up everything. That's really my, my main focus.

Kevin:

But I said I, I really think our strength came from the weakness of thinking everybody had to do something in a certain way. Really, what we're always trying to do is move you closer to your, the right place for you. So there are some of you that need to grind more definitely 100%. There are some of you that needs are and are more definitely 100%, and there is a lot of people in the middle that it's. It's not 90%, 10%, it's 80%, 20 and then it's 70% 30.

Kevin:

But it's all about figuring out what is it for you, what is the best approach for you? I really think that's the most important thing because, again, unfortunately, a lot of us are convinced that we're supposed to be overwhelmed and we're supposed to grind, but the goals we want aren't necessarily indicative of that level of effort. Now it's a different conversation, as I mentioned in yesterday's episode of the episode before. If you get to the place that you think you wanted, you say this isn't what I wanted and then you're, you regret the work you did, or you get, quote-unquote, stuck in a place that you don't want to be and you regret the work you didn't do. Those are different, different things.

Alan:

How does someone know if they want to? How does someone know if they are on the end where they need to grind more to achieve their goals, or if they need to earn more? I don't know.

Kevin:

You got to be real with yourself. How entitled are you with what level of success you think you should have? I think that's an important question. That's one thing I would say. But I don't, I don't really know. I think you have to look at what are other people? No, you can't, because you're gonna look at the top of the top who aren't doing it the way you're doing it. You gotta try for long enough to see what happens. That's the hardest part. I know a lot of people. That's the hardest part I know Because you know what's long enough?

Alan:

Six months, six years. That's the thing, Dude.

Kevin:

I've done games for months. You have to see your limits. I think you have to see your limits. You have to see the other thing is what are you gonna be the happiest? What are you gonna be the most fulfilled? Doing that, that's like my new thing is it's success? I think for most of us is figuring out the inner game of what's most important to us and then matching it with the outer game of what we're capable of.

Alan:

Yeah, and will achieve mine or two. Achievements are only part of what you value. It's less you have to value.

Kevin:

Yeah exactly Some people it's, but they don't achieve it, and so you can't get rid of them completely, right?

Alan:

Everyone needs to have a certain monthly income, or whatever it is, and the lifestyle that you do enjoy, or want to enjoy, or whatever that dream is of lifestyle, also requires a certain achievement of income monthly income.

Alan:

So it gets very complex and if anyone wants help with any of that ever, please reach out. But it is fascinating to ask that question to you because I checked in with myself as well. I don't know if I really have a good answer. I would say if you tend to enjoy R&R more, you probably need to grind more, and if you tend to enjoy working more, you probably need to R&R more. That's the best I could come up with. But of course it's that way because I've noticed there's certain people that I'll coach I know we got to jump soon that they want huge things like they do. They really have big goals and they really do want to achieve them. But I'll notice that there's this part of them and this is where it gets complicated, because we all have different parts.

Alan:

There is a part of me that just wants to watch movies and eat food. That's true. It's luckily not the biggest part, because if it was, we'd be in serious trouble. But there's a part of me that does love R&R and there's a bigger part of me that loves to grind. Fortunately, my goals are also congruent with that. And then the philosophical question becomes did I develop the part that loves to grind more because I had to grind, because I shot for those goals, or is that naturally who I was, and so there are seasons where you have to? So, for example, you're loving the grind right now, but you're really learning to love the grind because you don't actually want to sustain this. You don't want to work 14-hour days every week.

Kevin:

I'm forever. I'm grateful today. I only have three calls. I woke up today and I was like cool, I made it. I made it through the week Because the rest of the week's gravy compared to the first three days.

Alan:

Yeah Well, I mean 14-hour days, three in a row, is yeah yeah, that's brutal. The interesting part is, if you have a bigger part of you that loves to grind, you probably need to feed the part that wants R&R. If you have a bigger part of you that likes to rest and relax, you probably are struggling to grind and to actually have self-discipline. And the people who are on that other end of the R&R side it's good to coach them because I help them grow the other part. But the things they want in life Kev a lot of times again I'm just speaking about my clients are actually beyond what their grind can get them, and that makes me sad because you can want that all day. You can want to make $7,000 a month. It's easy to want that. But if you actually intend on creating $7,000 a month and the lifestyle that comes with that, think about how good your lifestyle could be if you could pull that off. If you could actually and I believe everyone could if they really, really, really, really tried and they played the long game. I can teach you how to do it. But if what you want in life like a beach house or whatever requires $7,000 a month, that's a big number, maybe five, whatever, but then you need to have some part of you that actually enjoys grinding. You almost have to develop it and learn how to enjoy it even though you don't enjoy it, and so that's a whole nother discussion.

Alan:

But at the beginning of this episode we talked about overwhelm and sacrifice, struggle, all this stuff. There's certain things that you enjoy, that fulfill you, that you need to do forever and by need to you should do forever, because they keep you on, they keep your mental health well, and then there's this other bucket of stuff that no one wants to do. That is just part of life, and immediately his dad calls it a shit sandwich. You have to wake up every day. You have to eat a shit sandwich, and Emilia says that too, and I feel like every one of us has a shit sandwich. We have to eat at least once a day, and maybe that's for me.

Alan:

It's writing. I can't stand it, but I know I'm supposed to do it and I'm starting to enjoy it more, which is good because I'm starting to get in flow. But for the last 59 days of 2024, I haven't missed, but I haven't once been excited to write, and, just like you're not excited to do certain things. You do so, but they are necessary for you to create the income that creates the lifestyle that you ultimately want, and so I think that's a constant duality that we all have to face, and hopefully some breakthroughs came of this. Another episode about overwhelm.

Kevin:

Part 67. Part 67. Check in, check in on your alignment. When you get the most overwhelmed, how aligned are you with the stuff that fulfills you? Sometimes you get to come up for air. You can come up for air sometimes. I think that's so important, it's so important to understand Like what's your air? So I think that's what, that's what the grind is. It's holding your breath and going and doing something that's just not sustainable. Could I work 14 hours a day, five days a week, forever? Yeah, I could. I physically could. My relationship would burn to the ground, my mental health would burn to the ground. I wouldn't get enough sleep.

Alan:

I could do it your physical fitness would, everything would crumble.

Kevin:

Yeah, I'm not, that's not. I'm not designed for that. But I also wasn't designed to work 14 hour days, three days in a row at one point. But it's aligned Again. We got to go. We got to go because you have a call, so don't don't open another rabbit hole. You have heard this many, many times, but I just a friendly reminder. Next Level Live is March 23rd, 2024. Virtual as well as in-person Tickets are available. Link will be in the show notes. We would love to see you there. Anything you want to add very quickly.

Alan:

Next Level Nuggets. I don't think we did them. The next level nugget that I have is if you are overwhelmed, understand that you're not alone in that. There's a lot of people overwhelmed behind the scenes. And then there's a success on the other side of that seesaw that you do end up seeing and you know brand new, beautiful house, but yet the mortgage is wildly overwhelming. That's just life and there's nothing wrong with you. Decide the level of overwhelm that you can tolerate comfortably Not comfortably that you can tolerate without burning to the ground right now, and make sure you design your goals based on that. That's my next level nugget.

Kevin:

I would just say alignment. Check in with alignment Next time you're really overwhelmed. Ask yourself how many things are you doing that bring you joy? It doesn't have to. It doesn't mean you have to do 80% things that bring you joy and 20% things that kind of suck. Just figure out what the right ratio for you is. What's your personal personal ratio? That is what I would say. My next level nugget Tomorrow for episode number 1,630, the importance of understanding your feedback language. We're very big on feedback giving feedback, asking for feedback, receiving feedback but I had an understanding, or I had a breakthrough recently that I wanted to share when it comes to feedback, so we will talk about that tomorrow. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Alan:

Keep it aligned Next sub initio

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Alan Lazaros

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Kevin Palmieri

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