Next Level University

#1638 - One Type Of Person To Avoid

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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In our ever-tumultuous world, becoming entangled in the web of negativity is easy. But what if there was a way not just to evade such drama but harness it into a force for personal triumph and emotional sophistication? In today’s episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros offer a multifaceted exploration of emotional maturity that underscores the creative process of understanding emotional triggers. The power of self-reflection is highlighted as a tool to navigate the often choppy waters of personal development toward a more emotionally sophisticated, drama-free, and joyful existence.

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Show notes:
(2:02) Avoiding drama and negative energy
(6:06) Emotional maturity: Seeking for significance
(9:49) Meet like-minded people and jumpstart your journey to achieving your dreams while optimizing your life. Join Next Level Group Coaching. https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/
(13:30) Emotional mastery
(17:04) Regulate your emotions
(20:49) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Kevin:

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1637. Sometimes we are the problem. Today for episode number 1638, one type of person to avoid. Please shout out to Facebook, where they have the option to mute somebody, but stay friends with them.

Kevin:

I don't know if you've used that, and I don't mean this in a negative way. This is not a judgment, but there have been many people who I've done that with and if you're whether you're watching or listening I'm sure you have somebody in mind when I say this. It will ping and you'll say, oh, I have somebody like that. I can think of the type of person that, no matter what, is always complaining about something, no matter what there's something going on in their life, no matter what, there is just drama that surrounds them. That is the one type of person we need to avoid, because I don't know if anything sucks energy like drama does.

Kevin:

I put a quote up one time back in the day if some people spent as much time working on themselves, bettering their lives, studying, focusing, learning, meditating, whatever if they spent as much time doing that stuff as they spent complaining on Facebook. They probably wouldn't have nearly as much to complain about on Facebook, but we have that too pretty good. It did really well, did it? Yeah, it did really well, because I think people understand. Yeah, no, that's true, because, again, even if we reference the previous episode, I'm sure I've done that in the past.

Alan:

I did one that didn't get as much love. Yeah, well, you're different, but it's not just that brother, mine was a little, a little hardcore. I think it was phrased in a way that should have been better. It was something along the lines of, if I think it was near the Super Bowl or something, and don't do this, because people love football.

Kevin:

Don't do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a big mistake.

Alan:

It's in the lines of if people spent as much time and effort studying their own life as they have studying all the statistics in football, they would be in a much better position or they'd have a bigger, better, brighter future, something like that. But it didn't. I got called out as a hater.

Kevin:

Well, maybe you were.

Alan:

Which I do think. What did you say? You are a hater of.

Kevin:

Not a hater, but you don't like football.

Alan:

I don't like football, but I do think I do. I always have felt that way is if you spend as much time on your own career as studying these careers. I just feel like you'd be better off and the world would be a better place. Thank you, it is fair.

Kevin:

It's fair, yeah.

Alan:

But there are certain things that will not resonate, and I think it's I've matured and some of the things I post on Facebook are very different than they used to be.

Kevin:

If you said to me, kev, in the six hours you're going to spend watching UFC, you could better yourself. I would tell you to get effed. Probably I'd say you to come to. Don't you dare come at me with that.

Alan:

Well, I do. That's what I meant by emotional maturity is I think I understand now that some people really, really love that thing, and that's okay. Now, it doesn't change the fact that it would probably be true?

Kevin:

100%. Yeah, there's definitely a better use of time for me than watching UFC, but better use depending on what your. Is there a better use of R&R time? Yes, if I'm watching UFC with Tarant, is there a better way to make money than watching UFC? Absolutely, of course there is. Is there a better way to learn more? Yes, 100%. So yeah, I guess it depends on what the value is that it's meeting, but I would agree with you.

Alan:

Well, I think underneath it I know this isn't the point of the episode, so we'll get to that in a second, but underneath it I now understand it's a projection of standards.

Kevin:

Yeah, yeah.

Alan:

It's should, everyone should XYZ. It's unconsciously that and it's certainly perceived that way. That isn't necessarily what my point was, so a more emotionally mature way to say that would be I do feel as though if we spend as much time focused on our own careers as we do following people magazine or the careers of others, I think we'd all be better off See how much more mature that is, even though it's saying the same thing. I think that's One of them is more of an attack and the other one is much more of a truthful, holistically well-rounded statement.

Kevin:

I respect it. Anyways, a little side tension. I think sometimes, when you hear something that offends you, it's because, it's true, Not always, sometimes it's like that's dumb, but I think oftentimes you hear something and it offends you and it's most likely, there's something to learn every time you're triggered.

Kevin:

I would say so. I would say so. Yeah, I would say so. I would say so. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. There was a Person how do I keep this as anonymous, as humanly possible? There was a person that I knew, that I had spent time with in the past. This was a friend of mine at one point and Recently I had to mute them on Facebook. I couldn't do it. Every time there was a post it was just negativity and drama and negativity and drama. And again, when I was young, I'm sure I know I did that, I won't even say I'm sure I know I did that.

Kevin:

Yeah because I was looking for a significance. Yep, I was looking for someone to say, no, kev, you're amazing, or no, things are gonna get better, or whatever it is. And if that's why you're doing it, I Understand and I empathize, but that's probably not going to be the fix. The fix is not gonna come from that and again, statistically, what we've seen is that just isn't our audience, the humans who watch this on YouTube or listen to this on whatever podcast platform you listen to it on usually this isn't you. Usually we tend to be the people who Want to help and save and pour into those people at our own detriment. So this is what I this is what I said to Alan. I said I think one of the reasons drama is so challenging to work around, work through overcome, is because I think the people who love drama are just addicted to the attention that they get from it. But if you have someone who trouble is always following them they always have weird things that happen to them it's probably because they are very attached to drama.

Kevin:

Unfortunately, and I don't know anything more stressful, I had a. I had a partner in the past. I had a partner in the past and when we first met, there was a ton of drama going on in their life and I was like, oh, bad luck, I think they're they got into like a fist fight with their best friend or something. And I was like, ah, that happens, that happens. I used to fight my friends all the time when I was younger, like that's fine, no biggie. Then it was Something about roommates, like the roommates were the worst and it's like, oh yeah, no understandable, roommates suck.

Alan:

Yeah.

Kevin:

I can imagine. I can imagine. And then it was. Eventually it was something else and then we ended up having to go to housing court because the people that we lived with we like broke Our lease, and it was just so much drama. It was brutal. Imagine me going to court. You know how nervous I was. I had to go to housing court and I was thinking to myself I, I know what's gonna happen. That was over my head for like months, but it was. It was just drama. It was always. It was always drama.

Alan:

There only seems to be one common denominator in this math equation.

Kevin:

All right, Well the drama went away after that relationship ceased to exist.

Alan:

Yeah.

Kevin:

I don't know if the drama went away in that person's life. I'm willing to bet it probably didn't.

Alan:

Probably not now. Can we? Can we talk about why you think that? Yes, because I think unconsciously some of us are attracting.

Kevin:

Well, we don't want. I think all of us are. I would agree. I would agree. I think some of it's energetic. I think that If you are somebody who is very confident but you have low self-worth, I don't think you filter out people that you should, and I think people that love drama somehow get through and then it becomes this thing. That's what I've known. This person had very high self-belief, very Low self-worth, but pretended to have high self-worth.

Alan:

Yeah, yeah so so what's happening there? To try to Do an analysis on this, this person has high confidence but low self-worth. So they Maybe have gotten to a certain level of personal development that is far beyond their peers, and Maybe they've grown a lot, matured a lot, I don't know. But they're essentially not filtering out people that get triggered by their confidence. So, for example, if you're super 10 out of 10 confident but have low self-worth, you will be surrounded by people who are triggered by your confidence and the way they react to that will be drama. The way they react to that trigger will be drama. Let me give a practical example. It's always a practical example.

Kevin:

I'm going to give you a practical example.

Alan:

Whenever you say something that's very layered in my head, I always say he needs to give an example.

Kevin:

And then I do it and then I don't give an example. Yeah, why don't you just throw me? Just say hey, kev, you give us an example. I usually do. I often do, professor Allen takes out his stick and goes over the whiteboard and says let me draw this out for you.

Alan:

I wish we had a whiteboard on this thing. We used to. That's why we weren't doing. Well, I'm good, so I often do say hey, kev, can you give us an example? You'll notice that now, unfortunately. Yeah. So an example of that and this definitely happened in my life too which is you surround yourself with people who are triggered by the way you talk, the way you are, and that if that trigger creates a trauma response, and that trauma response is fight, then you're going to have a lot of fights. It sounds like that person had a lot of fights in their life.

Alan:

Yeah, it's super interesting. One more thing that I want to share is emotional immaturity. I had very, very high professional development but low emotional maturity, so that was also a recipe for drama and I didn't know that. I mean, you don't know, I wasn't. Oh, I think I'm emotionally immature, like I didn't even know what that was, you know. So we all have an emotional age. I had a client reach out to me yesterday. She sent me a bunch of audios and she said she teaches a dance class and she said that the it was so cool to hear her say this. She said there's a, there's a child in the class who is 12, but her emotional age is probably like seven. I was like, ah, cool, you're doing that, you're parsing that out. I asked Emilia what she thinks my emotional age is. She thinks intellectual age is like 87. My emotional age, she thinks, is probably like late twenties, early thirties, but that's fair 13 years.

Alan:

Kevin. What's Kevin's emotional age? I'd say about six and a half Six, and a half years of age?

Kevin:

No, no, definitely not. I would say as far as I just want my juice and my goldfish snack, you know it.

Alan:

Goldfish and juice. But and I know that a lot of listeners will resonate with this I think that, traditionally speaking, statistically speaking, I think women tend to have a higher emotional age than men, and I will say that, I'm just going to say it, and most women do know that. So that's fair, and I think the reason we've talked about this in the past is journaling, self-reflection. It's okay to not be okay.

Kevin:

Intuition.

Alan:

Intuition, yeah. So, whereas the whole rub some dirt in it, never let them see you sweat. You know you're just supposed to be stoic and perfect all the time and never, ever be vulnerable ever. Otherwise, you're not a man type of thing. So a lot of this is cultural. Some of it might be biological, I don't know, I'm not. I'm not claiming any of that. What I will say, though, is it's very cool to parse out Someone's intellectual age and someone's emotional age. I have some people that have a lot of the, the drama stuff that you're talking about. It comes down to emotionally maturity usually.

Alan:

Not always, but usually and honestly, a lot of the time when, back in my day, back in my day, back in the day when I had A lot of drama in my life, it was a lot of emotional maturity and I was surrounding myself with other emotionally mature people.

Kevin:

Yeah.

Alan:

I mean on the team, even NLU team right now that the emotional maturity of the team is very high. It's extremely high. So there's very little drama. We have a little bit. We do. We have a little bit, but not much. It's very minimal. And I think that there's a direct correlation between emotional maturity Handling your emotions with grace, understanding your emotions and your triggers, understanding trauma responses, not overreacting. Responding versus reacting. That's what emotional intelligence and emotional maturity is about. You and I, in the beginning we were way more emotionally mature and you just went and listened to some old episodes. I'm sure you can tell.

Kevin:

Oh, I listened episode number 40, where we went to New Jersey with Bella and we went to see the one and only Eric. You did not. Yeah, I try to go as far back as I could how was that?

Alan:

tell us, tell us the things. Tell me.

Kevin:

No, it's brutally. Yeah, it's just. There was just a yeah, we were just rougher around the edges. There was ego. It wasn't. I wanted to add value, but I didn't believe I could add value, so I just used my ego to use to make noise. I think it's probably the best way to put it. I wanted to add value, I wanted to for things to be Valuable. I wanted people to learn stuff, but I don't know if I knew that much. It was pure intentions, but just yeah, yeah, the.

Alan:

The execution was flawed from the emotional maturity standpoint, so I still think.

Kevin:

I still think we were above the curve. I'm not, I don't want to pump our own tires or whatever it is, but I I Still think because we you and I were exposed to a lot of I mean, we had a lot of opportunities to learn from people and we heard so many people's stories where there's a lot of sensitive stuff that you're talking about publicly. Yeah you know it's at a certain point, it's your responsibility to make sure you can handle that.

Alan:

So it Fair, but compared to now.

Kevin:

Yeah, yes, night and day, the child day.

Alan:

Compared to child.

Kevin:

Go get our goldfish. Also, I think the word parse might be my least favorite word ever for some reason. I don't like the way it sounds. Not parse, not cuz you, so isn't a you thing, just it's the word Parse, parse it out. Oh, doesn't like it. I'm sick and by it almost. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that no, no, it's okay. This isn't a you issue but if you could never do it again, that would also be cool.

Alan:

That was very emotional, emotionally mature of you. Yes, this isn't a you issue.

Kevin:

Yeah, it's not a you issue. This is, but it is, then don't ever do it again.

Alan:

Anytime someone overreacts and creates drama to something, it usually is Some level of emotional immaturity. You can't regulate your emotions. When I got in a relationship with Emilia, she is the best that emotional maturity I've ever seen. I've never seen her raise her voice. I've never seen her get flustered. It's it's unbelievable. She is just the calm at the center of any storm and it makes me insecure at times because I definitely am not as emotionally regulated. I'll get triggered and I'll tea cattle, like I talked about in the episodes recently, but I think that that comes from years and years and years of working through how, what triggers you and why, and that's all self-awareness stuff that I just didn't focus on when I was younger.

Kevin:

I Wish that I had to be honest, same, yeah, same. This would be my next love nugget. It's by one little Wayne, or a little Wayne for short. I believe the song title is 3 am I think that's the name of it leave the drama on daytime television. What is this detention? It feels like elementary. That's just a little Wayne talking about drama. So that would be my next level nugget. Do you have any rap lyrics or rock lyrics you'd like to kind of parse along with mine, or Maybe something you've been from something I said there, the certain words of mine.

Alan:

Kevin doesn't like the Thing that you said in the beginning. You said something about. I don't mean this to be judgmental. Yes, I had a. I'm reading a book right now called the art of focus. It's awesome, wow.

Kevin:

Also just FYI. You have three minutes before your next call.

Alan:

I do know. Okay, just one picture. Yeah, yeah, thank you, though, and it is a little confusing because now we're doing back-to-back, so the the stream yard Timer. I know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a whole nother thing that's meta.

Alan:

That's meta stuff behind the scenes, yeah, behind the scenes podcast or stuff. All right. So the art of focus oh, he said this is a cool way to frame it Judgment versus discernment, because a lot of us don't want to be judgmental, but we do want to be discerning. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you cannot judge that person and you can understand. They're going through a hard time and you know, maybe XYZ bad chat, whatever it is Okay, but you still need to be discerning and not be in their life If you want a drama free life, and so I thought that was really cool of judgment versus discernment, and I wanted to share that I appreciate it.

Kevin:

I think it's. It's very along the lines of the Explanation, not excuse.

Alan:

Yeah, it's fine.

Kevin:

I think again, that's not mine, I don't know. I I don't. I genuinely don't know where I found that or came across that if you have not yet purchased your tickets for next level live 2024, please do so. We are Less than two weeks out if you're listening to this on Monday, so we are super excited for that. The team's gonna be in. It's amazing. I'm very excited for all that. I'm definitely overwhelmed because event season is always heavy, but super excited. If you have not yet joined our private Facebook group, next level nation, please it do so. If you're looking for a group of people that just don't want drama and a Facebook group that doesn't have any drama, that is the place for you. I didn't decide what we're doing for episode number 1639, so you and I will figure that out, but We'll see what happens, hopefully we'll parse it out.

Kevin:

We'll parse it out, kind of see what we glean from this conversation. Can I kind of take it from there? Maybe a little Wayne will motivate me into something. Perhaps it could be we could do a wrap-off, kind of like a wrap battle off. If you want, I'm game. Okay, tune in for episode number 1639, the next level rap battle.

Alan:

I'm gonna have to work on my voice first.

Kevin:

It might help you. I Don't know man, a little more intimidating the deeper the voices. You know what I mean. Well, I Am very intimidating, yes, the most.

Alan:

With my voice as always.

Kevin:

we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Alan:

Par sit out next level nation.

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host