#1658 - Going Backwards Might Be Going FORWARD

Have you ever felt like stepping back was the only way to move forward? In today’s episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros explore the paradox of progress, sharing stories where the end of a job or a relationship marked a fresh beginning. They challenge societal norms, discussing why what appears as a retreat might be a courageous stride toward personal alignment and fulfillment. Through candid conversations and reflections, we will all discover the courage to face social judgment and the empowering choice of embracing what suits us, even when it defies convention.

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Show notes:
(2:16) It seems like a loss
(6:06) Change of direction
(8:03) Determining your wins
(12:13) At NLU, we want you to win! So, we’re giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1,657. Sometimes you need to cross the line to find it Today for episode number 1,658, going backwards might be going forward. 1,658 going backwards might be going forward.

Speaker 1 0:27

I had a uh, somebody I care about deeply, someone who I've been talking to for a minute now, reach out to me and they expressed how they were going through a challenging situation in their relationship that might end up leading to them not being with their partner anymore breakup, slash, divorce and I said is there anything I can do? Is there anything I can do to support? And we had a really good conversation based on that. And I had this moment, alan, where I was thinking of from the outside, looking in anybody who knows that person personally, or anybody who is social media friends with that person, facebook friends with that person, when they potentially see the status relationship status go from in a relationship or married to single, a lot of people would look at that and say that is a giant loss. This person's going backwards, right? Maybe this person's 30 years old and they're getting a divorce at 30, or they're breaking up with their partner at 30, or they're moving. They're going to have to move into a new place at 30. They're going to have to find a new spot at 30. But what you do with that dictates more about the direction than anything.

Speaker 1 1:41

It might look like a loss, but if that relationship wasn't serving that person, it's not a loss Big W, it's a huge W. It just seems like a loss in the moment because it's the opposite of what everybody else is doing. A lot of other people are getting married and if you're getting divorced you're in a different bucket. That seems like you're in a bucket by yourself. Same thing with a job. You and I left jobs at 26. When did you leave yours? 26, 27, 26. I left mine, I think, at 28, and it looks like a huge loss. You're 28. You're starting a new thing.

Speaker 2 2:15

You're starting a new career yeah, social status wise, yeah, it definitely was. I had one person just go briefly about this say, oh, alan's such an idiot.

Speaker 1 2:28

Yeah.

Speaker 2 2:29

And it's like well, huh, who's laughing? Now, nobody is laughing. In some ways, I was.

Speaker 1 2:39

But I understand. I understand why it looks that way.

Speaker 2 2:42

Everybody think, though, listeners, I'm treating this like a live event.

Speaker 1 2:45

Now, everyone who here has ever raise your hand if?

Speaker 2 2:50

and if you're driving don't raise your hand. But who here can think back to a relationship where it ended and you knew that when it ended your social circles would see that as an L and in hindsight that was a big W. Yeah, I can think of a relationship where, thank goodness, I had the courage to break up Right. So sometimes the biggest, the seemingly biggest L's are actually the biggest W's.

Speaker 1 3:22

Long term, you're breaking the line that you're drawing to something that you don't want to get to. It seems like a loss because it's a break in the line. Oh, it stops. There's no more momentum there. There's no more pictures of a relationship, whatever it is, when in reality, that's you being smart enough to know that's not the result that you ultimately wanted.

Speaker 2 3:43

I remember, back when I was working in corporate America, I had a moment, post-car accident, where I had this honest conversation with myself of I don't really want to be my boss, I don't want to be my boss's boss and I don't even want to be the CEO of this company. What am I doing here?

Speaker 1 4:05

And again.

Speaker 2 4:06

I think that that might be relatable. Maybe not, but for me I was always trying to climb the corporate ladder when I was young. I wanted to be a Fortune 50 CEO of a tech company, like my hero, steve Jobs Hero at the time. I don't know if I'd call him a hero anymore. In some ways I would. I always say this he's a warning and an example. He's an example when it comes to what can be accomplished in this life. He's a warning when it comes to being a dick. That's fair, but I'm trying to keep the being a dick part at bay and still accomplishing the vision.

Speaker 2 4:41

But my point of that whole thing is to your point of cutting off the line of where you're headed. If you're headed somewhere and you don't want to go there anymore, you're going to have to make a change and that change in direction is inevitably going to be met with some social judgment. Divorce is always going to be judged Because when you say I do and you marry someone, at that time you thought that was forever. And people make mistakes and for some reason we are so afraid to make mistakes, we're so scared to have made a mistake. Every relationship prior to Emilia, I thought, was going to be potentially long term. I never did the short term thing and if I did it was for a very short time.

Speaker 2 5:30

But I had three long term relationships. One was four and a half years, one was five years and one was two and a half years and every single one of those had that. Oh, I thought they were so good together. Oh, I thought, and honestly, in some cases we were, we were actually great together. I just wanted more. I knew it wasn't it for me. You've been there too, so how do you overcome that? I think that's the thing I want to talk about.

Speaker 1 6:01

And sometimes, to your point, it's not because it was bad, it's because it wasn't right. There's a difference between something being bad and something not being right. My job was not bad, it just wasn't right. When I was younger me, I loved that job because of the opportunities it provided, but it just wasn't right for me. As I got older, it just wasn't right for me. As I got older, it just wasn't right. You outgrew it. I suppose I think a lot of things changed in my life. A lot of what I wanted out of life changed, and I made a lot of sacrifices in the beginning because I just cared about the money and I didn't really care about much else. But a lot of that was short-ed. I've I've said this on the podcast before, but I tried to take a $50,000 a year pay cut and I didn't.

Speaker 2 6:53

I didn't end up getting the job, Unfortunately drove all the way to the drove all the way to the office. I tried to get a job for half the money and I still didn't get it.

Speaker 1 7:02

That's how. That's how. That's how stuck I felt, that's how badly I wanted to cut that line. I wanted to stop that line.

Speaker 2 7:11

How dare they? Now, you're spreadsheet, jeff.

Speaker 1 7:13

Now I am. I would be a really good project manager now. But again, whatever it is what it is, I'd be miserable, probably too, or I would be ignorant to all that I've learned thus far in this journey. But I can imagine. I didn't have a lot of close friends at the time. But imagine anybody who knew me, who knew what I was doing, who saw me take what looks like a step back when in reality, for my mental health and for knowing where I was going to be working and driving to an office and not having to drive up and down the East Coast every week, that would have been a huge W for me.

Speaker 1 7:53

Only, you get to determine what are your Ws, and when I say W, I just mean when Everybody else from the outside in is going to look and, based on what they think, they're going to throw labels at it. But it doesn't mean you didn't make the right decision. And that's really what I want this episode to be about, because what I said to this person I said number one I'm so sorry, I can only imagine what that's like. And I said number two I'm super excited to see the opportunities it brings, the opportunities for you to flourish, the opportunities for you to lean into who you are, the opportunities for you to find someone that is more aligned, whatever. Whatever the opportunities are, that's what I'm excited about for you, and maybe that's not what other people will see, and maybe that's not what you see right now either, but what was the quote you posted? I posted a quote that said we don't want to have to choose between being ourselves and being loved, and I think that is super accurate. I think that's one of the most accurate things ever.

Speaker 2 8:56

If you're fearful of being. I mean, that's the truth of it too. When you're on a podcast interview, you can always tell when the other person's insecure and I got insecure on a podcast interview earlier today always tell when the other person's insecure, and I. I got insecure on a podcast interview earlier today and she could tell I forget what part. Oh, she said, hey, rapid fire round. And I was like listen, terry, I don't know if you've noticed I'm a little, I love rapid fire around.

Speaker 2 9:20

Rapid fire is hard for me and and I was like I'm just a little insecure about, about. And she was like oh, no, no, I'm so sorry. I'm like no, no, I'm being playful, I'm not like, we're fine. You know what's so interesting? In that moment I could tell no one ever tells her that they're insecure. So for her she thinks like whoa, you must be really insecure. No, no, no, I'm actually not that insecure because I'm saying it. So that's that weird thing, because if I was actually insecure I'd be hiding it. It's like this weird, I love rapid fire rounds.

Speaker 2 9:49

Who's FYI? They're hard for me. I need to tell you the meaning why she asked me who do you want to get lunch with? Alive or dead?

Speaker 1 9:56

Kevin, kevin Palmieri, and you've done it before, which is, I mean you could do that any day of the week. Yeah, yeah, yeah, kevin KP. Kevin Balmer, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 10:04

I said Leonardo da Vinci, but anyways, the point is, what was my point of that whole thing? Hold on, sorry, I joked you. No, no, it's okay, I'll get it back. I got it back last time with the Phoenix, last episode. What were you talking about? Oh the quote or be loved right.

Speaker 1 10:23

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 10:24

You have to choose between being yourself or being loved. We don't want to have to choose yeah, if you feel like you have to choose between being yourself or being loved, that relationship sucks a little bit, I would agree.

Speaker 1 10:36

It's not optimal. It's not optimal.

Speaker 2 10:38

It's not optimal.

Speaker 1 10:39

Now. But here's the thing. Sorry, go ahead, don't get me fired up. It's good, that's what we're supposed to do, man.

Speaker 2 10:46

You got me fired up. Good, say it, here's the thing.

Speaker 1 10:49

Yeah, say it.

Speaker 2 10:50

Everything that looks like an L from the outside in a lot of times is a W from the inside out, and a lot of the things that look like a W from the outside in are actually an L from the inside out.

Speaker 1 11:02

I should have known that's where you were going. I should have known that's where you were going to go, son it looks like a W to get a brand new car but it's a big.

Speaker 2 11:09

L when you have a $900 car payment. It's fair, and so I just think it's really important to understand that you can't let social circles dictate your decision-making paradigm.

Speaker 1 11:24

I would say many of the things that looked like we were going backwards were actually giant steps forward, but when you pause it at that place, it's understandable why you'd think that Kev.

Speaker 2 11:38

I have a question.

Speaker 1 11:38

Yeah, I have an answer, Maybe, maybe this is a semi-selfish question.

Speaker 2 11:42

I have no idea how much time we've gone past in this episode because we're doing a new thing now, where we're recording all of them simultaneously.

Speaker 1 11:49

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's been about 15 minutes yeah we're about 15 minutes into this episode.

Speaker 2 11:55

Give or take Awesome In the future. I think I'm going to reset my timer just so I know, but sorry to waste any of the listeners' time.

Speaker 1 12:01

No, no no, no, waste any of the listeners time. No, no, no, no, no, you're, you're good, you're good. Yeah, I told alan where we're cramming in three episodes and we're doing them back to back to back without turning the recording off, which is something we do when we're trying to save time, so it's a whole thing. But, yeah, that's why. That's why he doesn't know the time. Anything else you want to add to this?

Speaker 2 12:21

it takes a lot of courage to do things that appear like L's from the outside in, but if you really want to grow, you're going to have to. I want to tell this story because I think a lot of our listeners feel like they've had bullies judging them. There was someone in my life when I left corporate. So first of all, let's talk a little bit about what would my life be like if I never left corporate. The worst you wouldn't have met me. Well, I knew you. No, no, I meant listeners. Oh, sorry.

Speaker 1 12:52

The listeners probably wouldn't have met me. You're looking at me. I thought you were talking to me.

Speaker 2 12:55

son, I got to look at you man, you're the only one I'm talking to. I'm talking to listeners through you.

Speaker 1 13:00

I was going to say you just said you're the only one and you're not. I'm not the only one, you're talking. To See how it gets confusing.

Speaker 2 13:06

So, listeners, you would never have met me. I would never have met Jerrianne, amy Brandon, all the team, laura, christina. It's unbelievable and I always hate when I do that because it's everyone my bad if you're listening, team, I love you all.

Speaker 1 13:20

I'm sorry if I didn't mention that's why I always say the team, because I know I will forget. My memory is not great it is I have a good memory, but I I'm not good at listing things I try to mix it up.

Speaker 2 13:30

I try to say the people that I didn't say last time so like lizzie, what's happening? But anyways, so, and eventually the team will probably get a little too big to mention that. Yeah, now I. Now I feel like I Shout out to Ron, AA, everybody, Okay, anyways. The point that I'm making with that is we would never have met any of those people, Would I have met Emilia? Probably not.

Speaker 2 13:52

So here's what happened I quit corporate and I had someone very close to me in my life come to me and say Alan, this is a huge mistake. And I had another person talking behind my back saying Alan's such an idiot, I would never quit a job making that much money. And two stories very briefly. First one is I said to this person because I learned that through the grapevine, they didn't say that to my face, how dare they? No, I said that person will never make as much money as I did Because I had to give up. I had to risk 65 to make 85. I had to risk 85 to make 105. I had to risk 105, that was the story to make 125. And then I had to risk 125 to make nearly 180. You have to risk to go up. You have to go backwards, quote unquote to go forward, and so that person isn't going to ever do it because they would never quit a job making 180. I understand, but I had to in order to get to where we are now. Kev.

Speaker 1 14:48

Kev, I'm glad.

Speaker 2 14:49

I'm grateful. I'm grateful you did. We would never be partners. How much would be different. It would be wild Wild to think about.

Speaker 2 14:55

So, anyways other piece of this came to me behind the scenes and said you're making a huge mistake. You have the American dream. You have what everyone else wants. Why would you give that up? I said because it's not what I want, not anymore. And, by the way, I'm the one who did what it took to get here. I know what it took. I know what I'm giving up. You're looking from the outside, presupposing that this is what I want and, truth be told, you're also doing it predicated on the belief that I'm not going to surpass this. I said I'm going to surpass this. You think I'm living the American dream. Now I'm going to live the American dream at a 10 times greater rate. Later, I want to do something bigger and better than this, and maybe that's something that I'm called to that you're not. Maybe that's something I can see that you can't. Listeners, maybe there's something that you're connected to that other people aren't.

Speaker 2 15:51

The woman on the last show earlier today. She said Alan, what's your biggest pet peeve? This was rapid fire round and I gave her a six minute answer. But my answer was bullies People who try to tell you what you can and can't do. I can't stand bullies. If you're for wonderful humans, you have to be against bullies. I'm sorry it's back. Don't let people bully you. Don't let people make fun of you. And if you're getting a divorce because it's what's best for you, good for you. Fun of you. And if you're getting a divorce because it's what's best for you, good for you.

Speaker 2 16:25

Because that seemingly big L from the outside in based on other people's perception of a life they don't understand because they don't actually know you. And the people that are going to judge you the hardest are the people that actually don't know what you're going through. They're the most ignorant and the most opinionated. Those two tend to go hand in hand ignorant and opinionated. And the most opinionated that those two tend to go hand in hand, ignorant and opinionated. They're the least humble. Just, you got to do what you got to do and my very, very, very, very last thing I'll say is and I said this recently to someone who reached out about something very vulnerable, similar to what you said at Top Kev I said there's a part of you that you got to let it one of my clients didn't get a job that he applied for.

Speaker 2 17:02

And he worked really hard for it and he thought he was the right person. He didn't get it. He said that one really hurt. He reached out saying that really hurt. I said, brother, there's three types of people. There's people who take the L and they let it be, okay, you know nothing I can do about it. Person two takes the L, learns from it, finds a way to do better. Person three takes the L, feels the pain and says I'm setting a new standard. Baby, I'm going to take that pain and I'm going to turn it into power. And I'm never, ever, ever. I'm going to make them regret not hiring me. Ever, ever. I'm going to make them regret not hiring me. And again, that last one's a little more hardcore, but I do think it's important. So if you're going to get hate and you are you're going to get bullied. Let it drive you.

Speaker 1 17:58

One day I'll thank my bullies. I would say for most of us we probably don't feel that, we probably just get judgment without knowing People. I don't know, for some reason people like to bully, I don't know. It's the self-belief thing. Yeah Well, I think they think you can handle it, no matter what. It's almost like you're a punching bag, that it won't affect you. I don't know, it's weird. It's a weird thing. But like my Mima, when I left my job she every time I'd see her she'd say like you got a new job yet? Or and like when things were really rough. She's still saying that no, no, not anymore, not anymore. But that's because she's seen so much, so much growth. But when I would see her when times were rough, she would say are you gonna go get a? Because logically, that would be the thing to do 100%, statistically speaking.

Speaker 1 18:46

I completely understand. Some people are going to give you advice based on their fears, not based on your aspirations, and I don't know if that's ever going to change, unfortunately, I talked to Mima recently.

Speaker 2 18:57

She got the Facebook invite to Next Level Live and she personally reached out and said hey, I'm so proud of you guys, but I can't make it. That's memes I'm going to see moment memes.

Speaker 1 19:06

Well, if you're listening to this Sunday, I might be down there right now seeing moment memes. All right, we got to pop, if you have. What am I talking about here? Oh, we have another round of group coaching starting on the 9th April 9th or April 4th April coaching starting on the 9th April 9th or April 4th April 9th, april 9th.

Speaker 1 19:26

If you were in the conversation for the last group and you are not able to get in, that tends to be what happens we wait to the last minute to try to do something and then it fills up and then we have to wait to the next one. So if you were in that camp and you wanted in on the last group and you couldn't get in, make sure you lock your spot now, because again, that's probably going to happen again. That's just the way it works. We will have the link in the show notes with the promo code NLULISTENER. It takes 30% off and it ends up being, I believe, $96.60 per month and you're getting a lot for that money, I promise. Like Alan always says, worst case scenario you don't find value we are happy to give you your money back, but we do not expect that to be. It. Link will be in the show notes. We'd love to have you.

Speaker 2 20:09

Also. So if you're listening to this, it is March 31st, I believe Q2, so January, february, march is Q1. Q2 is about to start and not only do we have the Dreamliner we mentioned it last time 90 days achieve your dreams in 90 days. Group coaching Awesome, awesome, awesome. If you want Q2 to be the best quarter of your life, grab the Dreamliner, join group coaching. But also we have a blog on my LinkedIn account called Streamline your Dreams. It helps you set goals that roll up to 2024 and they break it down into quarterly milestones and then little inch pebbles, so daily inch pebbles. So if you want to get back on track for Q2, check out that blog. The link will be in the show notes.

Speaker 1 20:48

Tomorrow for episode number 1659, we're going to talk about money, the three things to track to level up your money. We don't do things if they're super complicated and if it's super complicated to figure out where all your money is going, and all that happy jazz. We're probably not going to do it because we tend to do what's simple and if we can make a habit simple, then we're at a much higher likelihood to succeed. So we're going to talk about that tomorrow. Three things to track. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you.