Next Level University

#1679 - What Are Your “People Patterns”?

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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When we take a moment to reflect on our life’s journey, we often discover that our most significant growth stems from introspection and confronting the realities of our past behaviors. In today’s enlightening episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros delve into personal development, self-awareness, and therapy’s transformative power. They also discuss the impact of ego and arrogance on our decision-making and how recognizing these traits in ourselves and others has shaped our evolution.

Links mentioned:
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

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Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

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Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(2:20) Understanding entitled energy
(3:32) Vantage point
(7:06) Rearview mirror of life
(10:47) Seeing blind spots
(13:01) Emotional maturity
(14:56) At NLU, we want you to win! So, we’re giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up every first Thursday of the month at 6 PM. https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/
(15:22

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode. Episode number 1,678, be Real About your Circumstances, not from a scarce place, but hopefully from an empowering place. Today, for episode number 1,679, what are your people patterns?

Speaker 1

I shared a message with Alan yesterday. I was having a conversation with someone on Instagram and I kind of knew the conversation was going to go the way it went. So I messaged this person and I was talking to them about their podcast and how we might be able to help them with their podcast and they said well, if you looked up my podcast, you would know I'm already doing this, this, this and this. And it was very much like, if you took a minute, if you just took a minute and looked at the podcast, you'd know we were already doing that. I did look and a lot of the stuff you said you're doing you're not actually doing. So I just sent a message back saying I did my research, as I always do, and I looked at this and I looked at this and I looked at this and it just looks like you're missing some things that might be beneficial and their response was not super kind. It's okay.

Speaker 1

I kind of knew it was going to happen and I told Alan. I said I think I'm getting really, really good at understanding entitled energy. Even before I talk to someone you can kind of tell and again, maybe that's a me thing, I don't know you can kind of tell by the way someone talks. You can kind of tell by the way someone shows up. Sometimes you can tell by the words that they use.

Speaker 1

Looking back on old content is super hard because I can see how much ego I had, not that I wanted to have ego, but that's what was keeping me safe enough to be able to put myself out there and do this. But you couldn't see it back then, not at the time. No yeah, now we have, and I don't know if anybody else would see that as ego either. I have no idea.

Speaker 2

If they're living in that vibration, then they wouldn't be able to tell either, because I couldn't tell back then.

Speaker 2

Not to the extent that I could. Now, when I watch the clips now it's oh wow, it's different. Whoa, we're just way more mature. But you can't and this is probably one of the takeaways, I'll jump in here quickly you can't tell where someone is until you're higher on the mountain. The analogy is this let's say you are climbing the mountain of humility and you're getting more and more humble, more and more emotionally mature, more and more intelligent, more and more aware. The scientific term is sensory acuity. So let's say I'm climbing the mountain of humility and this is the one I wanted to use, because I feel like I always had a blind spot with humility. As I've become more and more humble and more and more emotionally mature, more than anything, I started. Now I'm able to see people who aren't. When you're emotionally immature, you don't know you're emotionally immature until you do the work. Another really good analogy for this that I really hope lands is I started doing therapy in my 30s. It's obvious to me now when I'm with people who haven't. It's very clear to me now, whereas before I never knew, I could never tell. Kev, when I listen to you and I at episode 100, it's very obvious that I had not yet done therapy To me.

Speaker 2

But here's the problem Ceiling and floor. You can, in a mountain analogy, you can only see below you, you can't see the peak. So you're climbing this mountain and you can see all the people that are behind you. You can see them, so I, but you can't see the people ahead of you. So people, people, let's everyone think of someone who you know for a fact. When you're around them, they're, they're more intelligent than you. I know this is potentially triggering, but they're more intelligent than you. You know they're more intelligent than you. You can tell, but you don't know how much. No, the only only way you know. There's one person I'm thinking of right now who's definitely blew my mind with how intelligent they were, and I had that moment of is this person smarter than me? And it was really weird for me. It felt like one of the only times in my life I've ever been insecure about intelligence. I have insecurities in many other things, but intelligence isn't one of them, and I know that they're more capable than me.

Speaker 2

Their brain is more capable than mine which is weird to say out loud, by the way, for me, but I don't know by how much and so if you are level 10 humble, you can tell when someone's not, but you can't tell when you're not. It's an automatic blind spot if you're not it. So if you've never struggled with self-doubt, you have a blind spot. If you've never been humble, you might think you're humble. When you're not, you have no idea and so, but you can tell when someone's less humble than you. It's this weird wonky thing, and I really hope that this episode helps everyone make better choices, particularly when it comes to people, because you have these huge blind spots. I definitely did. I mean, if I had a nickel for every time a blind spot affected me. I feel like I had so many blind spots, and when I listen to our old episodes, it's very clear that you and I were emotionally immature in comparison to now. Yeah, but how would we have known that? Back then I didn't. Back then I didn't think we were emotionally immature, did you?

Speaker 1

No, I thought I was more emotionally mature than I was previously. Same, and that's really all you can, and that's true.

Speaker 2

Yeah, yeah, and that's all you can measure imagine if you heard us on the mics at 15.

Speaker 1

That would be brutal well, you know what I was thinking. I was watching something yesterday and it was something like. I think it was something I saw on on one of barstool's pages and I know you don't know a ton about barstool, I don't even know if you know what it is, but I do. I had a moment where I was like that that would be really funny to me, like 10 years ago, yeah, and I can't believe that's. And again, this is this is not a judgment, this is me recognizing right, this is just an observation, but I can't believe it's as big as it is, because all that suggests is that there's that many people who resonate with that content yeah and that's just.

Speaker 1

It's just so interesting to me. It's so interesting, yeah, and when I was 25 years old, I'm sure that all would have been awesome and super funny, but it's, I don't know. That ain't it, that ain't it for me grow these things? Brother, we, we do, we all, not everybody does no, but not everybody does that's fair, I know not. It was just like when you and I went back and tried to watch super bad. I can't, we do.

Speaker 2

We all have our own things, but not everybody does no, but not everybody does.

Speaker 1

That's fair, I know.

Speaker 2

Not everybody does that, bro. Well, it's just like when you and I went back and tried to watch Superbad.

Speaker 1

I can't. I want to. I know I want to watch the movie. I can't do it. I feel bad. That's the best way to put it.

Speaker 2

Same, you and I to bring it up and say dude, I can't finish this movie with you, but I was thinking the same thing throughout it. I just felt so dirty yeah, same.

Speaker 1

But when we were dude that movie came out when we were seniors in high school. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2

So we were immature. We didn't know what that meant.

Speaker 1

It was my favorite movie of all time at the time. I would watch that. I have watched that movie so many times. Then you take a break. You said this recently, recently, and I'm sure you won't mind me bringing it to the front. But you said I've had this. I just have this feeling I gotta watch american pie to see like what it was about, what it is like at the time I was just gonna bring that up.

Speaker 2

I feel called to go see. I need the. I need to see the contrast of what used to be. What movie did I see? We went and saw Austin Powers is funny, but it's different than it used to be. Emilia and I watched Austin Powers, the first one or the second one, the Spy who Shagged Me. That one I'm still good on. I can still watch that. Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, don't get me wrong that tractor beam Like there's still. Are you going to cry? Are you going to cry, scotty? You know?

Speaker 1

Or whatever, it's still hilarious.

Speaker 2

So again, some humor is playful, Some is just toxic. And then you've got to decide for yourself what. But you know what? The vibration is yeah.

Speaker 2

I mean, all of us know intuitively, if we really check in, where our vibration is. When you're wasted, your vibration is low. When you're wasted, your vibration's low. You just say things, you do things. You're not All your primitive drives are driving. It's all about food and fun and partying and sex and all that kind of stuff. It's not you, just lower your vibration. It's not an intellectual, sophisticated, high vibe conversation and a lot of humor. I was actually thinking about this yesterday.

Speaker 2

We had an RT event last night and one of the reasons why certain things are really funny what was it that was really funny? You ever seen how to Lose a Guy in 10 Days? No, okay, it's a rom-com. It's really funny. Essentially, what happens is there's this woman who is writing for Cosmo magazine and she's the how-to girl, so she wants to write an article how to lose a guy in 10 days. So the idea is I'm going to date a guy and make every mistake quote-unquote in the book be clingy, be needy, Benny boo, boo, boo, boo bear. Like overly, picture every mistake you could possibly make to like scare a guy away. She does that on purpose. It's like an exaggerated version. The reason why that movie is so funny is because she's exaggerating the mistakes that actually are made. It's just an she. She comes in during poker night. She like takes everyone's pizza and gives them cucumber sammies. Right, it's like this, it's like a really funny film. So, anyways, we use that in reference to a Relationship Talks event we did last night. But to circle back to what we were originally talking about, I want to go watch the American Pie movies because when I was a kid I was exposed to I'm just going to call a spade a spade here.

Speaker 2

I didn't grow up in a high vibe environment. As a matter of fact, in hindsight it was actually extremely low vibe and I need to go back and see what was influencing me. I feel like I had the worst influences ever. Seriously, kev, I don't know if you feel that way I feel like I had awful influences. The more I study my past, the more I realize that I don't think I had almost any good influences.

Speaker 2

I used to want to believe like, oh, thankfully I had this mentor and thankfully, when I went to college it started to believe like, oh, thankfully I had this mentor and thankfully, when I went to college it started to turn around, because WPI is a really, really, really, really good school and a lot of really good students go there and they come from really high vibe families. Not always Not always, but a lot of the time. I was definitely a fish out of water. I never talk about this, but when I went to college was the only not kind of non-rich kid not the only one, but like, statistically speaking, most people who go to a school that's 50 grand a year are, like, from wealthy families, and I came from just very suburban I'll just the nice way to put it is extremely suburban, um. And so I look back on my past.

Speaker 2

dude and I was watching american pie when I was like 10 and I remember when one of my friends parents said I, because I watched it with my buddy, keith and his dad got so mad at me. He got so mad at him because he's like you, you can't watch that. And in hindsight I remember back when I was a kid I was like why not? What's the big deal, dude? A 10 year old watching that movie?

Speaker 1

like think about that I watched way worse than that. I know earlier dude, how fucking bad were our influences I don't know if that was, I don't know I I don't, I don't know I I guess for me. I don't put it on the, I don't put it on the people that were looking over me because all that stuff was so easy to find. It's not like you had to jump through hoops to find American Pie.

Speaker 2

It was on TV, my older sister had it, so I just watched all her movies.

Speaker 1

Yeah, dhs. Yeah, I'm sure I had HBO and all that. There should have been some guidance of like dude.

Speaker 2

If you had a 10-year-old Kev are you going to no? No, no, no, no no, I'm so mad at my childhood. Honestly, I am.

Speaker 1

I'm just calling it out.

Speaker 2

I'm so mad that I wish I had a. I wish I had us to learn from. You know, I had such poor influences, man, seriously, and so, anyways, I'm just going through it. I don't want to get that on anybody else, but the whole point of that is I need to go back and study where I came from and why it's the water you're swimming in. So I was emotionally immature, but I didn't know it because I was more mature than everyone else. It's all relative. You know, I do Imagine a room of all emotionally immature people.

Speaker 2

You like think you're mature and then you look back and you go, whoa, I can't believe I said that, I can't believe I did that. And and now, from this higher part in the mountain, for lack of better phrasing, once personal growth became a thing, you just look back and you're like, wow, I, I really wish that I had. Like, why didn't I understand how detrimental those things were? And? And there's just a lot of toxic masculinity in my upbringing. So again, I'm not. I don't think I don't. I don't want to get my stuff on the listeners, but I do want us to call a spade a spade here. Like, did you grow up in an environment that you're proud of. I didn't.

Speaker 2

I'm just calling it, I didn't see okay, and I just I think that, okay, what do we do about that?

Speaker 1

Let's, I joke about it. That's what I do about it.

Speaker 2

I make jokes about myself.

Speaker 1

Well, that ties so that ties to the episode. The point of this episode was what are your people patterns, what are the things that you always recognize? And again, this goes back to judgment versus observation. I'm not saying you judge people. When you recognize this, you're observing, and then you can make decisions based on that. What are you missing all the time? What is the stuff that is blatantly obvious to you and what is the stuff that has plagued you for your entire life because you just cannot seem to recognize it?

Speaker 1

I've always recognized ego, arrogance I'll say arrogance, entitlement. I've always recognized that. I don't know why. It's something that has always, always, always, always turned me off and I am not interested in spending time with people who are arrogant or entitled. I never have been. I just can't do it. It's like water and oil. It just doesn't mix and I don't know. That's something that I have always picked up on. But one of the things that I was not picking up on was people who pretend to be super confident that weren't. That's something that I just assumed everybody was more confident than I was, even if they weren't, because I felt like I was so unconfident that there's no possibility this person could not have more confidence than I do no way.

Speaker 2

What do you think now?

Speaker 1

I think they're probably just better at portraying it, because when I look back, if I look back 1,500, 1,600 episodes, I probably looked confident, but I wasn't.

Speaker 2

I was probably the most confident person would notice that you weren't. I think I don't know. Yeah, probably. My therapist said to me yesterday she's like you're becoming so much more confident and I was like I think that's good, I really appreciate it, but I've never really identified as not confident. But I think what she means is in who I really am.

Speaker 1

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2

Well, I think there's external and internal. There's I can. Yeah, internally confident. Yeah, I think I'm more confident in being who I actually am whereas before I feel like I would chameleon a lot more.

Speaker 1

Yeah, confident of there's, confidence of accomplishment, yeah. And then there's confidence of you, like, who are you? Are you cool with you? Yeah, you love you. Like the real you, are you putting the real you out there? Again, easier said than done, yeah, easier said than done, yeah, easier said than done, I think. But that's what you meant. Yeah, I mean again, I don't know I I wasn't there, that's I do agree because I always felt confident when it came to external achievement.

Speaker 2

I don't know if I ever I don't know how confident I've ever been in being my self around other people. Yeah, I don't think I've ever been confident being my true self around other people, and I think that's finally starting to happen, which is cool.

Speaker 1

It's uncomfortable, but it's cool, it's nice.

Speaker 1

This is all uncomfortable. I feel like whatever season of growth you and I are going through is very uncomfortable because it's not. I don't know it's different. I don't know it's different. It's more character and who am I? Who am I and who am I supposed to be, and who have I been? And was I pretending or was that just who I was at that time? A lot of it's just been identity stuff for me. Yeah, and I'm guessing you'll see a change in the podcast in some way, shape or form, just as we. That's the goal, right. That's the point. That's, look at how much it's changed in 1700 episodes. It's going to continue changing as we change and evolve and grow, and I think that's just another. That's an extra level of pressure. Not only are we growing and evolving behind the scenes, but how do you do it in front of the scenes without it getting messy? That's a very scary thing, maybe more so for me than you.

Speaker 2

What breakthroughs do you have from when you did go through the old messages of Snapchat and all that stuff? I know that's been kind of the theme of the week, but I think it's a good theme. What?

Speaker 1

breakthroughs.

Speaker 2

You ever just go back on Facebook and study your old photos?

Speaker 1

Yeah, all the time.

Speaker 2

More than I should probably. It's so important, Like what you used to post and stuff. I do that too. I told you.

Speaker 1

I told Alan, I have the screenshot on my phone. Hold on, this was something that it blew my mind. It was November 21st 2010. You're not going to be able to read it, probably, but let me see. Yeah, you're not going to be able to read it November 1st 2010. When you change the way you think, you change the way you live. That was my Facebook post.

Speaker 2

So you were 21 years old.

Speaker 1

I guess, or 20.

Speaker 2

You were 20, so I was 21. Because we graduated in 2007, I was 18,. You were 17.

Speaker 1

I was 21, because that was after my birthday that year.

Speaker 2

Okay, so you were 21 years old. Changed the way you think, changed the way you live, was your post.

Speaker 1

Yeah, I think I've always. I've always wanted to be positive and I've always wanted to help people. I think that's like that's something I'm really learning. I've always wanted to do some form of this. I just didn't know what it was for most of my life, but I always. I think I also understood that I don't want to be like everybody else. Where it's like it's almost you're either all growth when you're teaching growth, you're either all growth or you're no growth. Yeah, and I was like I don't. I don't know if I want to be all growth, like I don't want to not have whiskey, if I want to have whiskey. For me it just doesn't. Will that change? I don't know if I want to be all growth, like I don't want to not have whiskey, if I want to have whiskey.

Speaker 2

For me it just doesn't.

Speaker 1

Will that change? I don't know. I had a moment last night where I was like I think I'm done smoking weed. I think I'm done with it. I think I'm over it. Maybe I'll have edibles every once in a while, but like it's not good for you and I, don't need it.

Speaker 2

Well, okay, awesome, but is it the lung thing? Is it because of jiu-jitsu? You're getting choked out easier.

Speaker 1

No, I'm getting. No, no, no, no, no. A lot of people in the jiu-jitsu community use marijuana. It's like a thing for some reason, I don't know why.

Speaker 2

So what's the thinking underneath why you're quitting?

Speaker 1

I don't know. I want to. I think that's a big piece of it.

Speaker 2

Are you noticing any? Are you gassing out easier? No, no.

Speaker 1

The last time I smoked, I was more anxious than normal and I was like I just don't think it's serving me. I don't think it's serving me, but yesterday I took an edible, I was watching a YouTube video. It was awesome. I was super comfortable, having a bunch of deep thoughts. Now I want to do things more from the perspective of a tool, not a crutch, you know, and even that that's why it's so hard, because it was less of a crutch than it's ever been, but it still was more of a crutch than I wanted it to be.

Speaker 1

And that becomes the duality of I think that's the duality of growth. You might be the smartest, most capable, most confident, most balanced, most patient, best partner, best father, best mother you've ever been, but it might not be to the standard that you want. And that's where things get wonky. And even that, even that is a pattern, and that's really all we are as humans. We just run patterns until we realize, oh, this pattern isn't serving me. Oh, okay, let me change this pattern. Or this pattern has been so instrumental in my growth but I didn't even realize I was doing it. I think that's really all we're doing at the end of the day.

Speaker 2

Yeah, it's definitely. That's why I want to go back. That's why I love watching movies. I purposely will pick a movie that I saw when I was a kid and I'll re-watch it.

Speaker 2

I remember I re-watched the Rundown and I was like oh, this is way different than I thought, Something as simple as that Walking Tall. I love that movie Walking Tall, because when I was a kid, the Rock was a hero of mine when I was a young boy, and it's just interesting now because it's not the same as it was, that's all. Matthew McConaughey was a hero of mine. I didn't know I was. Yeah, it's just, you've got to study your life and you're going to notice patterns. You're going to notice things that you admire. You're going to notice what you envy, what you don't, what you care about, what you don't care about. You're going to notice where you've grown and where you haven't. I was talking recently about I watched Bring it On. That's another movie that I saw when I was a kid. It came out in 2000. And I thought Eliza Dushku she was one of my first crushes and I thought she was the hottest thing, and it's just. It's just perspective. It's not that she's not attractive, I just Emilia is, in my opinion, significantly more attractive.

Speaker 2

It's like whoa little Alan, little childhood, alan is like good for you, man, you know. But that's like good for you, man, you know. But that's, that's so cool, you, you, you learn by going back, you, I, I very last thing, I know, we gotta jump. I said this in book club. I said everybody talks about being present. I think that's some bad advice. I really do. I I'm all for being present, but you can't.

Speaker 2

I have a 63 year old client. I said imagine what it's going to be like to take the last 63 years of wisdom and experience and understanding and learning and contemplation and then invest it in your 64th year. That's how you grow. You don't want to just stay present all the time. You need to go into the future and envision and dream and articulate and design and figure out where you want to live and what you want to do and who you want to be and what's your career. You've got to go in the future and then you've got to go back and say, wow, okay, in hindsight, my, I did grow up in a low vibe environment. Okay, in hindsight, I did drink too much. Okay, in hindsight, I did, but not to beat yourself up, but to accept what was, accept the reality, the higher awareness that have, because when you reread a book or rewatch a movie or re-go see a friend you haven't seen in years, it's different. And it's not that it's different, it's you are different.

Speaker 2

Your awareness is different. You're not seeing something new in the book or new in the movie. You're seeing something new in yourself, and there's so much value in that. So.

Speaker 1

I think we should do an episode at some point. I just marked it down Past, present, future percentage. What percentage do you spend in each?

Speaker 2

33% in each no.

Speaker 1

I love it, man, I disagree. The podcast has been fun lately. Yeah, they have been, no.

Speaker 2

I disagree. Well, I think again.

Speaker 1

That's the thing Like I don't want there to be any. We get to podcast for a living, so life is really good, yeah, but when we're going through stuff, sometimes it's hard to figure out who to show up as, not that either of us ever are trying to be, or want to be, inauthentic. Sometimes I don't know what authentic is, cause I don't know who I am. So that's kind of what we're going through and we've gotten a lot of really good feedback lately on the podcast. Oh, it's been super funny and you guys have been way more conversational. That I think that's good and I think that's what we want to do. But that's because there was a time where Alan and I would literally just jump on here and each do monologues and then that would kind of be like the end of the episode.

Speaker 2

And I was like I don't know if I like that anymore. The five easy tips to yeah, I don't know if that's us anymore, I don't know.

Speaker 1

All right, we got to go because we're out here jeffing. If you are looking for a group of like-minded, learn more about yourself, grow, evolve and have a higher level of accountability. To read join book club every single saturday 12 30 pm eastern standard time. Right now they are reading the psychology of money by morgan housel, a great book. Tomorrow, for episode number 1,680, this was actually a thought I had yesterday the price tag for your goals when you go and buy something. When you go and buy a car, you go buy a book, whatever. There's a price tag on it and you know exactly how much it's going to cost. What if your goals had a price tag on it? That's what we're going to talk about tomorrow. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you At NLU. We do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2

Keep evolving Next level nation.

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host