Next Level University

#1681 - Is Being Truthful Arrogant?

Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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In a world that often blurs the lines between truth and arrogance, finding the equilibrium where one can express one’s authenticity without veering into conceit is essential. This delicate balance concerns how we see ourselves and how others perceive us. In today’s episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros examine this nuanced interplay with a combination of humor, sincerity, and self-awareness.

Links mentioned:
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Join us on Next Level Monthly Meet-up #29 on May 2nd, 2024,  at 06:00 pm Eastern Time: “How To Level-Up Your Money”
https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

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We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
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Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

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Show notes:
(1:58) Fail to understand correctly
(5:03) Types of arrogance
(7:36) Arrogance VS Truth…
(11:18) Perceptions of different flavors of you
(13:57) Meet like-minded people and jumpstart your journey to achieving your dreams while optimizing your life. Join Next Level Group Coaching. https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/group-

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1680,. The price tag for your goals Today for episode number 1681, is being truthful arrogant, being truthful arrogant. We were on an episode recently, alan, and it kind of ties into an episode we're going to do later in the week where we talk about vulnerability.

Speaker 1

But I think one of the hardest things about building your confidence is taking ownership for the things that you're doing really, really well, and I think one of the reasons is, for a lot of us, we've been taught that being truthful is arrogant. So what would be a good example? Okay, back when I used to do fitness shows and I was in really, really, really good shape, really really unsustainably good shape, I looked really good, but I was very unhealthy because I wasn't eating enough. It's not healthy to do a fitness show. If you sat me down with a group of 50 people and the conversation started flowing about fitness, would it be arrogant for me to say I'm in the best shape here out of anybody? Or is that the truth, based on the fact that, statistically, I am in the best shape here out of anybody, or is that the truth, based on the fact that statistically, I am in the best shape because I'm the one doing a fitness show? I wanted to have a conversation around that because I think one of the things that you run into is when you're truthful.

Speaker 1

I think sometimes people misconceive that as you being arrogant, when in fact that's not. Is it arrogant to be truthful? I don't think so. If you have a really good relationship and you say, look, I have a really good relationship, I do. My relationship is amazing and it's the most aligned, most fulfilling, most passionate, most everything relationship I've ever had, is it arrogant to say that? If it's true? I don't think so, but I do think arrogance is one of those things that can be in the eye of the beholder. Unfortunately, when I was somebody who was super insecure, you could have said anything that resembled confidence and I might have thought it was arrogance. So I thought it would be an interesting conversation, because one of the things that has helped me a ton build and hold on to my confidence is admitting the things that I'm really good at. But I also know around certain people that would be considered arrogant and I understand why it's very, very nerve-wracking to lean into that for the first time.

Speaker 2

Well, it's such a weird thing too, because so Emilia is brilliant and she's attractive and she's fit and she's hardworking. None of those things sound arrogant when I'm saying them, but if I said I'm fit, I'm attractive, I'm hardworking and I'm brilliant, they immediately feel more arrogant. Yeah, and so the problem with truth and I've found this to be true, ironically, found this to be true my entire life is I am someone who, as a computer engineering mind, I look at data. I don't really care if I'm the best or the worst in the room, but I do care where I fall. In other words, if you're smarter than me, I have no problem with that. I just want to know if that's the truth. And if I'm smarter than you, I have no problem with that. But I also need to know that, otherwise I'll learn from you when I shouldn't in a certain regard. And so for me we talked about this recently the difference between observation and judgment I think there's two kinds of arrogance.

Speaker 2

One is we'll break it into three One is you sound arrogant because you're talking highly of yourself, regardless of whether or not it's true. It feels arrogant to others. That's been really hard for me. Number two is you're ignorant to the truth. So if I said I'm a great fighter but I've never actually fought anyone who trains in fighting, I'm just ignorant and naive. And it seems arrogant and it probably is, because I'm overconfident based on something that's not true, okay, and I've been there too. The third one is an arrogant energy, and the arrogant energy is typically an overcorrection from deep insecurity. And I'm trying to parse out the difference between these, because I recently reviewed Next Level Live and I sensed a lot of empowerment from me and I think I did a really good job all things considered. But there was an arrogant energy that I think was compensating for how insecure I was, and then it gets deeper.

Speaker 2

Insecurities are different for everybody. I wasn't insecure about my lack of intelligence. I think I was insecure about other people's insecurities, and so if you've ever stepped on stage or podcasted or done a virtual meetup or whatever, insert something where you're in front of the class, okay, you're either concerned to be too much or too little. At all times, all human beings, from what I've found, are insecure about either being too much or too little. So if I'm speaking next to some of the most seasoned speakers in the world, maybe there's a part of me that would feel like I'm scared to be too little.

Speaker 2

Most of the time my fear is actually being too much, too intense, too intelligent, too dialed in, too hardcore, too much, just too much, too much, too much. And so because of that, my energy has this tinge of arrogance, this tinge of insecurity that's overcompensated, which comes off as arrogant. So I don't think the truth is arrogant. I think it feels arrogant when you say it about yourself. If I call you really hardworking and humble, that's not arrogant. But if I say I'm really hardworking and humble, that can be perceived as arrogant. If I say I'm really hardworking and humble, that can be perceived as arrogant. And so it's so hard to navigate this world without truth because you're not really allowed to own any truth quote unquote allowed, especially if other people are deeply insecure.

Speaker 1

I was going to say, especially polarizing truth, especially truth that highlights other people's truth that they might not be ready for yet, unfortunately.

Speaker 2

Well, let's go into that, Go ahead. I was just going to say I was going to Alan.

Speaker 1

My thought for this is we have a very unique show, and I don't mean that in terms of the quality of the show or any of that. I mean that in the fact that you and I are so different, so very different, but also very similar in many regards. And one of the benefits I've gotten from working with you over 1,700 episodes and countless hundreds or thousands of hours at this point is I've got to hear things that I once thought were arrogant, that I no longer do. I just think they're the truth, and you and I had a great discussion today where we went through some things and we rated ourselves and I don't think you rated. We rated ourselves on a scale of zero to 10. Zero is something we've never really worked on or overcome, and we're really weak in. 10 is something we've really worked on. We're on the other side of. It's something that we've really become the leader of. It's not something that runs us anymore.

Speaker 1

Right, that could be a very, very dangerous thing to do with someone who thinks giving yourself credit is arrogant, because there are a couple things I gave myself a 9 out of 10 for. That might seem it might seem arrogant. Someone might say Kev, you really think you're a 9 out of 10 in that, and the truth is I do. Yeah, I do. I think I'm a 9 out of 10 when it comes to consistency. I've never met many people more consistent than I.

Speaker 1

Does that mean I'm perfect and I have no room to grow? Absolutely not. I need to grow every day for the rest of my life. But that right there, I think, is humility. On both ends, humility is taking ownership for what you're really good at and taking ownership for what you're not great at yet. I think that's the balance where arrogance is taking ownership for what you're not great at yet. I think that's the balance where arrogance is taking ownership for something that you're not. That's what arrogance is, agreed Arrogance is. Of course I could podcast as well as you. Of course I could lift that weight. Of course I could do this.

Speaker 2

Arrogance is-. When it's not true, though, yes, because what if you actually could? Right then, it's the truth, it's with zero experience.

Speaker 1

Arrogance is saying you can do something with zero proof, that you could. Zero experience, Zero time in the game, Zero reps. It's just a lack of awareness is really what it is. But I also understand if I don't know and this is where it gets weird if I don't know what you're saying about you is true, then I might think it is arrogant.

Speaker 2

Yeah, and then you're naive or ignorant or unaware is probably a kinder way to say that, yeah, yeah, and one of the things that has been most challenging on this journey and I hope that many of our listeners can relate is that no one really knows you.

Speaker 1

Okay, brother, no yeah, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be fine went down the wrong down the wrong tube. I'm back, I'm here.

Speaker 2

I'm here, been there is what was I saying?

Speaker 1

uh, you're saying one of the things and then I.

Speaker 2

Then I started oh yeah one of the things, one of the things that's been most challenging is trying to talk while kevin's joking. No, one of the things that's been most challenging on this journey is no one really knows the real you. So how could they possibly? And I think in some ways, all of us are scared of the real us and all of us has a. All of us has a. Everyone in our life has a different perspective of us. So if you're, if you have a funny group of people and you have an achiever group of people and you have a I don't know sports group of people and then you have an academic group of people, there's a different flavor of you that they all know and none of them knows the whole 360-degree, kevin and in this case it's more than 360 degrees, it's the whole, all the way around.

Speaker 1

It's technically infinity, infinity, kev.

Speaker 2

But no one knows the whole Kev and you amplify and or dial down parts of you naturally to belong and we talked a lot about this last week. So no one knows the full you. All the feedback you get is predicated on everyone's perspective. It's like being in a car with a gps where all the feedback you get is kind of off. Imagine driving in a car and you have a lake to your right and a mountain to your left and the road goes right, but it actually goes a little less right than the gps shows. Everything's a little off and, like you've said in the past kev, if you're off about one thing, you're off about everything.

Speaker 2

Dude, the most devastating part of this journey and devastating is probably excessive, but not really is how off I've been on everything. I didn't know all so much of the feedback that I received was not really for the true me. It was all data and I should have taken in that data but almost all of it was off. There's like a I don't know if I know a good example of calibration. You used to work in weatherization. Were there any tools you had to calibrate?

Speaker 1

I can tell you this, son, back when I was a gas station attendant, you would have to. Occasionally people would come in. I didn't know how to do this, but you have to calibrate the pumps. If you ever go to a gas pump and they have a little sticker that says 424 clipped out, that means the state or whoever came in and calibrated the pumps to make sure that all the numbers are right and it's dispensing the proper amount of gasoline. So yes, okay, nice, all right.

Speaker 2

So what if it's like when you use a level? What if our level gets skewed from our upbringing, from our teachers from? And again, this is nothing against parents or teachers, I think everyone's, not everyone, I would say no one's trying to go out of their way to skew your level Not consciously anyways. That's what I would say. I do think bull. To skew your level Not consciously anyways, that's what I would say. I do think bullies skew people's levels. I will say that If you have bullies in your life, they are skewing your self-concept, whether you're conscious of it or not. And if I could go back in time and talk to little Alan, I would say you need to disregard feedback that is very clearly bias and bullying. Disregard feedback that is very clearly bias and bullying. If I could just parse out genuine feedback versus bullying, I actually really appreciate feedback. I ask kev for feedback every monday. I ask emilia for feedback constantly, to the point where sometimes she's like I don't even, I can't right now, but it's late.

Speaker 2

I don't want. I'm like asking her about me and how she thinks am I over, am I under, what do you think? And so yesterday she actually did that. She's like I just I don't really want to tap into that right now I'll give you feedback soon but I just want to chill. It's like all right, fair, but what do you think it's?

Speaker 1

anything, though you got anything small throw my way.

Speaker 2

But I've come to realize that a lot of feedback has take, taken my level for lack of better phrasing, andwed it. So when you are hanging a TV and you put the level on, it looks level but it's actually completely skewed. That's what happens with our belief systems, that's what happens with our identity, that's what happens with what is possible for us and not possible for us. So what I try to do in coaching is help someone recalibrate who they are, and sometimes I overswing or whatever, but at the end of the day that's all I'm really doing is. You're inaccurate about who you are. You're inaccurate about other people and how that works. And then you're inaccurate about the world and based on my statistical sample set, because that's the one benefit that you have as a coach and a clinician or whatever, if you're out there and you do. I mean doctors are a great example. They see patients all the time, so they see patterns and you can't presuppose they know everything, because they definitely don't, but you can presuppose they have a bigger sample set than you do. So my therapist, carol, I'm always asking her statistical questions Like where do I fall on this? Am I on the high end or the low end of trauma, based on your understanding not only of what you've studied in school but also your own experience.

Speaker 2

You've been a clinician for 15 years. You see I think she's got 30 patients or something, 30 clients and okay. So 30 clients on average over 15 years. How many sessions is that? Okay? So you have a way bigger sample set of people than I do. Can you help me understand me in a way that I never could without your data set? That's. The other cool thing about business coaching is you don't really know where you fall, and you have podcast clients. They don't know where they fall until you say, hey, you're actually doing a lot better than you think. Or the harder one is, honestly, you think you're winning and you're not, and, ironically, the only way for you to actually start winning is to eat the humble pie that you're not this would be my next level nugget, and we can do a part two on this if we feel like we don't go deep enough and touch to the point we want.

Speaker 1

But the level of the relationship is going to dictate. The amount of arrogance received is my take on this, and here's my example of why. Imagine so I'm going to do a grappling tournament in August. Imagine that I'm at my gym and this is just hypothetical but I'm at my gym and I'm grappling with someone, and I'm working with someone, and I say, yeah, I'm actually going to do a grappling tournament in August. And they say, oh cool, what weight are you going to do? I'm going to do it's.

Speaker 1

169.9 pounds is the most I can weigh in that day. What are you at now? Right now, I'm at like 179. So I have to lose 10 pounds. If they say to me oh, that's going to be awesome, man, good luck, and I hope you can make weight. You got this man, you can really make weight, you got this. Is it arrogant for me to say, oh no, I know I got this, I've lost. I mean, I can lose 10 pounds easily. I'm not worried about that. I'm more worried about getting my ass kicked than anything? Or should I say thank you so much, man. I appreciate that very much. I'm sure it'll go well. That's really what I'm talking about here. Does the person even need to know that level of truth? I don't know.

Speaker 2

It depends there's where the choice comes in versus a reaction.

Speaker 1

Would it be different though? Real quick, real quick, don't interrupt me. Real quick, I'm kidding, totally kidding. If I said that to Taryn, let's say I said that to Taryn and she said well, you know, we have traveling coming up and there's birthdays coming up and there's celebrations coming up. Are you going to be able to do that and enjoy life in the process? And I said, babe, I could lose 10 pounds in my sleep. This isn't that big of a deal. I promise it's not going to affect us or our lifestyle at all. That is drastically different.

Speaker 2

So I just want to throw that in there. No, that's fire and dude. That is something I did not fully understand. I am just. The truth is this is I would have been triggered by the person who said good luck. It's like I appreciate it, but Well because you feel unseen.

Speaker 2

Yeah, yeah, it's like I don't even think that's going to be difficult. But they'll be triggered by me saying that, right, right, even though for me that's actually not that difficult. Everything is relative. That's got to be one of the biggest problems in the in the world is everything's relative and people try to empathize where they can't. 10 pounds for you, kevin. Okay, that's not going to be that hard for you no, no, I'm not going to like celebrate. You like oh my god, kevin made weight for you. That's not a big deal.

Speaker 2

But for someone who's not good at losing weight, who's never lost weight before, that's like a big deal and so everything's relative, and so anyone who struggles to lose weight is going to think you're super arrogant. That's when, in reality, you just are way, have way higher acumen. Yeah, and I might be hard to hear, but that is the reality. And then, on top of that, it's harder for women. Right, there's a lot of things, there's a lot of caveats, there's a lot of nuances, easy for you to say, type of thing, but that's why it's so hard to stay centered, that's why it's so hard to tell truth without sounding arrogant, because on a podcast like this, some of the listeners know us for five years some of the listeners are probably brand new and it's gonna everything's gonna land a little different for everyone and it really is an unwinnable game.

Speaker 2

That's why it's scary, that's why it's.

Speaker 1

That's why it's scary, because I understand there's always that. Just well, kev, you work from home, you don't have to go to an office, your fridge is right, you're at home, you get to work from home, 100%, 100%. Those are all facts, but the level of truth because that's the thing is like okay, do I explain that? Well, yeah, I understand I work from home. I don't want to minimize it because I know for other people it might be harder. That's why it's so hard. That's why the truth is so hard, because some people are going to think it's arrogant and you've been working out for 16 years, yes, and you, I've done this many many times you have muscle mass so you burn way more calories than other people.

Speaker 2

The other and the other hard science underneath all that, yeah good well the.

Speaker 1

The other hard part is I've had clients before who say when you guys do an episode, how much prep do you do? Like you do a half hour an hour? And I said no, none. Usually it depends. Usually we don't do any prep, we just have a title and then we hit record and we go.

Speaker 1

If you didn't ask me that question and I just came to you and said hey, alan, I think you're doing your podcast wrong. This is the way I do it and this is the way I think you should do it. That's drastically different than when somebody comes to you and says hey, as someone who I potentially look up to and you may have more experience than I how do you do it from a place of curiosity? When somebody asks you, it kind of gives you permission to tell the truth, and that's a whole nother set of circumstances. So yeah, I don't know, maybe we'll do another episode on it. I just want everybody to be able to be the level of truthful that is constructive, and I think reading the room is super important and that's why I use the if taran was asking versus maybe someone at at jujitsu. But but yeah.

Speaker 2

Yeah, I don't think that every level of truth is constructive. I think too much truth too soon. It's right intention, right approach, right result. I told Kev earlier my intentions are there and they're positive. I know that the results I do believe will be positive long term. But my approach is never going to be optimal. I'm going to keep searching for what is optimal and and I'm going to keep researching for it and researching for it, and that's why, when we look at old content, it's embarrassing at times, uh, but hopefully we all are a little embarrassed by our past selves because obviously we've grown and matured and improved and I think that's life. So, yeah, yeah, brother, strong, strong work. This is very nuanced and there's a lot more to it. So it kind of makes sense why we are received so differently by so many different people in so many different regards and why it feels so difficult to and if you've ever been scared to post on Facebook, that's why.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 2

That's exactly why Because you know you have 3000 friends or 500 or 2,500 they're all going to have a different opinion about what you post. Some people are going to love it, some people are not going to even notice it, some people are going to hate it. It's this, every single thing is this spectrum, and it's you got to try your best to say okay, some people don't like country music. Maybe I'm country music, but some people love country music, so don't like country music. Maybe I'm country music, but some people love country music, so don't be a rapper at a country concert. I always say that Don't be a country singer at a rap concert, because only the people who love both are going to cheer, and you might be getting the wrong data. If you're rapping at a country concert and they came here to see Taylor Swift and they're seeing you rap, you're going to get fruit thrown at you potentially, and then you're going to build your identity on that and that's just a really dangerous game.

Speaker 1

I would say now beer more than fruit. I would say Beer, yeah, they're throwing beer. Nobody who's got fruit. You think they're just stashing bananas.

Speaker 2

I don't know man.

Speaker 1

I understand it, though Tomatoes is what they, in the cartoons they always throw at you. If you were bad at performing, I don't know why you like tomatoes. You like tomatoes? Yeah, hate them Big fan. I was gonna say something I don't know what it is oh.

Speaker 2

Do you like tomatoes?

Speaker 1

No, absolutely not Personally offended by them and their texture. You cut open a tomato, it somehow it gets worse. Both sides are slimy, ooh. No no no, ooh, no, no, no, ooh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You slap that thing on a burger. It sits there for a couple minutes, the thing turns into wet paper.

Speaker 2

No, absolutely not Gotta have the pico on a burger man, pico is not tomato.

Speaker 1

Yeah, it is, that's diced.

Speaker 2

That's different. It's not that different. Let me ask you a question.

Speaker 1

Let me ask you a question and take the tone down also when. I ask you the question you like biting into a burger and you get that long onion string when you pull it out. You like that, you enjoy that.

Speaker 1

I don't like the long onion string but I do love onions on my burger. Yeah, do you like diced onions? Oh yeah, yeah, different. I like love onions on my burger. Yeah, do you like diced onions? Oh yeah, yeah, different. I like grilled onions the best, but they're different, is all I'm saying. Same vegetable or fruit or whatever the hell, an onion is All right. Next Level Nation. If you have not yet joined Next Level Nation, our private Facebook group, please do so. We actually had someone who commented on YouTube. Shout out to Jason. He said some nice things about us and mentioned that he didn't necessarily have a group of people to have deep discussions with, and I said hey, thank you so much for the love. We appreciate you. Next Level Nation is always a warm place for you to be yourself, and I believe it was him who joined today because he said it was from YouTube. So shout out to him and you, if you are looking for a group of like-minded humans to potentially have deep conversations with, link will be in the show.

Speaker 2

Welcome, sorry I mistimed that one. Huh, that's good. Sometimes I interrupt because I think it will add value, other times I just mistime it.

Speaker 1

I knew you were going to, because I usually I pause, like I pause when I'm done, set me up for failure. Sometimes I do that. Yeah, oh not good Welcome Jason to.

Speaker 2

Next Level Nation. That rhymed All right. Our next level monthly meetup, 29th month in a row, coming up on 30. How to level up your money Very appropriate, considering book club and our next meetup are all about money, health, wealth, life and love. Wealth is there and wealth is not only a mindset but it's also a set of habits. Join us. We've come a long, long, long way on our money journey. We've told our money stories on this podcast in past episodes. It is a whole thing Money is. If we all made logical, rational decisions, we'd all be doing better. It's an emotional game and if you master the emotions and your relationship with money, it can change everything. So we hope you join us. The link will be in the show notes. It's May 2nd 2024, 6 pm Eastern Standard.

Speaker 1

Time and if you have found in the past that people who talk about money come off as arrogant, I think it's a good opportunity for a reframe and I can tell you that Alan and I try to do it as balanced as humanly possible from a very, very humble place. So I'll throw that out there because I know that can be another. Money in general is always a tough thing to hear about, learn about whatever it is. We all have different relationships with money. Tomorrow for episode number 1,682. I feel like we've been in 1600s for years now. You know, some series go by faster Mm-hmm, this is one, hasn't? It's been about 100 days, almost right, it's been about 82 days.

Speaker 2

Perfect Right. Yeah, some of them go by slow. I'm looking forward to 2000, man, yeah, it feels like.

Speaker 1

Yeah, some of them go by slow. I'm looking forward to 2000,. Man, yeah, it feels like, no, that's a minute away. It's going to be like a year, almost a year.

Speaker 2

I'm looking forward to it.

Speaker 1

We're going to talk about what's vulnerable for you isn't vulnerable for everyone. Tomorrow, real quick, yeah, yeah, please.

Speaker 2

I was on a podcast the other day. The man introduced me. It was a very awesome introduction, loved it. He said I don't know what are you guys up 2,000 episodes? You had been on this show. His name's Wilk. You remember Wilk Wilk?

Speaker 1

What's the name of the show?

Speaker 2

Let's give Wilk a shout out Derate the Hate. Yes, I do.

Speaker 1

Great show. Yeah, I remember that Great show Big fan.

Speaker 2

But he said what are? I was like oof can't say no, almost 1,700. That's what that made me think of. I'm looking forward to 2,000.

Speaker 1

We'll be there one day, yeah, one day, soon-ish. All right, we're going to go now. Anything you want to say Want to wrap.

Speaker 2

We didn't do next level nugget or lesson. I did a next level nugget. What's my next level lesson Be? What's my next level lesson Be? Have the courage to be your true self, but understand there are implications of that Strong work as always.

Speaker 1

We love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and at NLU we do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow. Stay your true self.

Speaker 2

Next level nation.