#1685 - What Is Empowerment?

In today's episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros embark on a transformative journey of self-discovery and personal empowerment. This process touches every aspect of our lives, from how we view our past to the decisions we make today and the future we envision for ourselves. This journey isn't just about personal growth but how that growth interacts with the relationships we nurture and our decisions.

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Show notes:
(2:14) Definition and issue of empowerment
(4:02) A juxtapose
(9:03) Empowered energy
(10:20) The connector
(13:01) Needs to be so specific to the context
(14:01) Meet like-minded people and jumpstart your journey to achieving your dreams while optimizing your life. Join Next Level Group Coaching. https:/

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode. Episode number 1,684,. Insecurity is a Strange Thing. On Freestyle Friday. Freestyle Friday with a Freestyle Friday title Very nice. Had to do it Today for episode number 1,685,.

Speaker 1 0:24

What is empowerment? Okay, I need to change my screen here real quick. Okay, then I'll make us full screen again, all right, what is empowerment?

Speaker 1 0:34

The definition of empowerment, the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one's life and claiming one's rights. Empowerment is a word that we hear and that gets thrown around very often. I like to think of it and I'm not saying the dictionary is wrong I like to think of it as feeling more in control of your past, present and future. Past, because you can look back on it and say it's not, you're not a hold on victim of your past. You have control over it. You can look back and say okay, these are the things that happened to me, but this is what I took from it the present, you're empowered in the present, you're working on yourself, you're tracking habits, you're sticking up for yourself in your relationships, all that stuff which ultimately leads to you having more control of your future.

Speaker 1 1:31

The issue, I think, when it comes to empowerment is unfortunately, many of us have people around us that do not want to see us empowered, or I won't even say they don't want to see us empowered. It's very, very hard for them to allow us to spread our wings, because that doesn't necessarily mean we're going to stick around for very long. So I thought doing a little episode on that would be what we do today.

Speaker 2 1:55

Well, sometimes you being empowered highlights the lack of empowerment of someone else, that's true. So what's a good example of this? Kevin and I way back I don't remember what episode this was, but this had to be five or six years ago we were in a Muay Thai gym and we interviewed someone named Julian Nguyen and when it comes to podcasting, this man was extremely mousy. I'm just going to be honest. He was not a strong podcaster, he was not a strong speaker. He did not practice effective communication his entire adult life and that was very obvious. He did a good job, but he doesn't podcast for a living. He doesn't do that that often.

Speaker 2 2:39

And the cool part about this I'll never forget this experience because we went from our arena directly into his and so on the podcast. He wasn't super empowered, he was humble, he was kind, he was honest, but he struggled, and we were very empowered asking questions, because we had done this I don't know dozens of times by that point, if not hundreds. Then we went into his arena, so kev went to throw hands. Uh, no, hold, hold.

Speaker 1 3:08

Uh, he held mitts julian held held mitts for me and he did some shadow boxing. He said he did some bag work for us so we could get some video of it.

Speaker 2 3:16

Yeah and so he went from reasonably empowered around several other competent, empowered podcas, but definitely not his arena, not a lot of reps, not big and powerful. In that episode Two I remember when he threw on gloves and he did his wrist wraps and he was just. I saw a whole nother version. I saw a whole nother version. It was really cool to see that contrast from a soft-spoken, fairly mousy, very humble, not super competent person to this. Oh, you could kill me easily.

Speaker 1 4:02

Unassuming, I think, is a good word, yeah, very unassuming on the podcast and then it's like oh, no, yeah, yeah, this is. Oh, this is what you do.

Speaker 2 4:11

Okay, yep, makes, this is what you do see, we just went from what we do to what you do and we reacted the way humble people react, which is, oh, okay, student, I'm gonna be a student here and I'm going to learn from him. And you got in the ring and it was a really cool moment.

Speaker 1 4:31

That was a dream come true, it was a dream come true. Yeah, a dream come true.

Speaker 1 4:34

Very cool Ever since I was a young boy. Okay, when I was a young boy, I used to love fake wrestling the wrestling you see on TV the fake one. Fake wrestling the wrestling you see on TV, the fake one In the ring. They jump through tables and all that happy jazz. One of my dreams as a young boy was to be in a ring eventually. I didn't know where it was going to come from, I didn't know what it was going to be, but that was a dream come true for me and that probably still to this day. That's probably my favorite episode we've ever recorded with a guest. That and Justin Freeman. Justin Freeman was probably my I don't know either first or second, because that was super cool, there was another.

Speaker 2 5:09

there was two other mixed martial artists that we interviewed.

Speaker 1 5:12

Yeah, we had Linton Vassell and Linton Vassell who else A Chad.

Speaker 2 5:19

There was someone that you had watched since early 2000s. Oh, kenny Florian, oh, I forgot about.

Speaker 1 5:24

Kenny yeah, no, kenny's probably number one. Yeah, yeah, I was watching Kenny Florian when I was in high school. Maybe it wasn't that long ago.

Speaker 2 5:36

Yeah, I watched Kenny.

Speaker 1 5:37

Yeah, yeah yeah, kenny, he's a Boston guy.

Speaker 2 5:42

Yeah, big fan of Kenny Florian Big fan. So I think that that's one of the interesting things is, we were empowered in our thing and he was humble and kind. And then he was empowered in his thing and we were humble and kind. Where it gets wonky is when someone else's insecurities create the opposite and they're actually. It creates a bully.

Speaker 2 6:12

There were these high school kids that were being very disrespectful to Emilia and I outside of the gym recently and I playfully joked with Kev of. They were so scared of me when I actually called them out for being wildly inappropriate. They almost hit our car and they were just being dicks, Just high school kids being dicks showing off in front of their friends. And I made a comment, I rolled down my window, I said something and basically just called them out and said hey, you know, that was really inappropriate what you just did and this dude and he's tiny, he's half my size, he's in high school, he's he was so scared and he just puffed up and started trying to make jokes, but you could see the terror in his eyes and if I had gotten out, it would have.

Speaker 2 7:02

He would have been even more scared because I'm six foot two and 200 pounds, but I didn't and I was like you know what? Know what? I'm not gonna fight high school kids right now. This is stupid. But I also can't shell up and not say anything because this was wildly disrespectful. I mean wildly disrespectful what these kids were doing, I it was so on on freaking, it was so bad but what am I?

Speaker 2 7:26

gonna do, beat up high school kids. What are we doing here? Right? So you gotta stay. You gotta stay at five. So I rolled down my I said, okay, fair enough. Just you know, take care, whatever Move, move on.

Speaker 2 7:40

My point of all, that is, when you are in empowered energy, it does trigger, challenge. People get triggered by empowered energy and they want to challenge it, especially if they're deeply insecure. So you and I, with Julian, we didn't challenge it. That would have been the worst idea ever, definitely.

Speaker 2 8:01

But most people react very toxic to empowered energy and that's why a lot of people feel and I know women deal with this a lot they feel very it's hard for them to be empowered around other men because they trigger the insecurities of men and or they trigger the sexual desires of men. This kind of stuff and men, men against men, women, women it's this whole power dynamic thing. That's very challenging. It's very primitive, it's very who's the alpha dog in the room? Bull crap, immature nonsense. And unfortunately, being empowered does trigger people's insecurities and that's why someone like beyonce has security guards because, yeah, she's empowered on stage, but a lot of these people when they go home they're actually not that empowered. It's. It's easy to be empowered as a performer. It's not easy to be empowered in real life, and I think that that's that's the thing.

Speaker 1 8:56

It's hard to keep it too. There's there is the downside of being empowered is you get opportunities that you've never gotten before and then you get failures at the new level of those opportunities that you've never gotten before, which is not a bad thing as long as you can keep running that. But I think empowerment is it's that it can feel like that liquid courage you get when you have a few drinks. It's like, oh, I can do anything, I'm going to be fine, this is fine, I'll go approach this person, I'll do this, I'll say this, I'll do this. And then you wake up the next day and say, oh, my goodness, I can't believe I did all those things. I think empowerment can be very similar, because you're most likely going to do things that you never have tried before and you're going to get feedback that you've never gotten before.

Speaker 1 9:40

But I really think that's what we're all after. I don't think we're after necessarily confidence. I think we're after empowerment. We're after the deep belief that I am in control of what I create in my life, and I think that's a very, very good goal to get to. That's something I have now that I've never really had. Confidence is confidence, self-worth, self-belief those are all pieces and ingredients in the recipe, but I think empowerment is the connection of all of those, and empowerment is knowing your worth. Empowerment is knowing what you're capable of. Empowerment is feeling in control, and I know a lot of us go through not all of life, hopefully, but different bouts and different seasons of life and we don't feel like we're in control at all. And that is some of the hardest, the hardest times for sure.

Speaker 2 10:35

You and I, we go for a run together, I'm going to feel more empowered than you. You and I go to the gym together, you're going to feel more empowered than me if, if the focus is strength, and so whether it's anything as simple. Another good kind of simple analogy is let's say you were starving but you know how to fish and you have a boat. You feel empowered to get food that night. Weird analogy, but okay. I remember way, way back my stepdad. We were deep sea fishing and the engine broke. He knows how to fix engines. I don't know what to do, so I'm disempowered. And so this is actually the real utility of having skills. But empowerment is.

Speaker 2 11:17

I think a lot of people feel empowered in microcosms of life. So, for example, back in the day when I played video games, I was really empowered in Halo 2, but I was nerdy in high school, I was prepubescent, small little boy, and so I was so empowered in a virtual world I was one of the best in the world. Then I go into high school and I'm not empowered at all, and unfortunately, the arrogance of being in the virtual world super empowered can sometimes translate over, and maybe that was valid there. Maybe I was empowered, maybe I was one of the best in the world, maybe I earned that confidence in that virtual world, but then I start bringing that confidence into the cafeteria in school. I'm going to get my ass kicked, and I think that that's one of the things that gets really hard is, empowerment needs to be so specific to the context. Empowerment needs to be so specific to the context.

Speaker 2 12:11

I remember Emilia and I did a 5k once and I was. I ran it backwards and I not backwards, but like I was jogging next to her and some of it I was running backwards because we we decided in advance I would stay with her, let's stay together, let's do a couple's thing. And eventually it was like Alan, can you just go? This is ridiculous. But when we played soccer she was the one empowered. And so again, I use examples from my own life. But anyone out there listening, where are you empowered and where are you not?

Speaker 1 12:36

And that's okay.

Speaker 2 12:38

I didn't know what vulnerability was. I didn't understand how to make an intimate relationship work. Now I'm so much more empowered. The Conscious Couples podcast we coach couples. I got off an episode with a not an episode a coaching session with a client that's doing the hybrid model where Emilia and I coach the couple four-way call. And then there's she coaches the female, I coach the male. The stuff I'm learning. I feel so empowered. It's so obvious now oh, I've never I screwed that up so bad in the past. And I see him screwing it up. It's like, oh, I did that same shit. That's never going to work. So the coaching thing having a coach, having a trainer, having a therapist, having enough money in your bank account, having the skills and the tools you want to know where real empowerment comes from. It comes from self-belief, self-worth and skills. If you have marketable skills, like Kev, I could take everything from you right now and you'd still be Kevin and you'd still figure it out, because you're empowered.

Speaker 1 13:46

What kind of job do you think I could get? You could be a podcast coach. Yeah, but say podcasting goes away. What do you think I could do? You could run businesses, for sure. Yeah, but how? What do I say to them? All right, so that's another thing.

Speaker 2 14:04

You would have to go and probably do things for free. You'd have to go to a business and say, listen, I see a lot of opportunity. You got any ins for me? Of course, connect me with someone.

Speaker 1 14:16

But then You're talking all this big game. No, I want to hand me out.

Speaker 2 14:20

I don't have to earn it or anything. Hand me out, hand me down, give me, give me a handout. Handout, yeah, one of the things and I'll be brief about this but handouts don't actually empower.

Speaker 1 14:30

No, I don't want to be empowered. A short-term w for a long-term l right there.

Speaker 2 14:41

Well, worry about the long term later. No, no, no, kevin, you remember back in the day you were like let's just, let's just get a loan from from one of our mentors. They give us the money.

Speaker 1 14:48

It's like, kevin, that's not gonna work I mean, it would work actually really well. A quick 100k would. It would have changed my life. It would have changed everything.

Speaker 2 14:55

Would have changed my, my, lineage, but your skills and what you learned would have been completely different.

Speaker 1 15:01

Well, no, it's fair. I think oftentimes the people that villainize empowerment are the people that unfortunately end up on the short end of the stick. A really good kind of thought process. And again, I know this is potentially trigger warning, but there's a lot of people that are mad about the self-checkouts, like in all the grocery stores that are all going self-checkout. That's going to continue happening and you're either ahead of that or you're behind that, unfortunately.

Speaker 1 15:34

And if you feel empowered where it's like okay, well, my job is safe, I do something that's not going to, I'm not going to get phased out in the near future. That's very empowering. But I understand when you feel disempowered. You grab for things. You might not want to knock someone down, but you might be grabbing to pull yourself up and that's just what happens. I've been very disempowered in my past, for sure, for most of my jobs. I've mentioned this. I worked the night shifts cleaning bathrooms and floors, and I remember feeling completely out of control. I had no idea what I was going to do with my future. I had no idea who I was. I had no clue At that point in my life. That was a very disempowering time for sure.

Speaker 2 16:17

How did you not? That was a really good distinction of sometimes you're not trying to knock anyone down, you're trying to climb yourself up. People have always talked about the crabs in a bucket thing. When you try to grow, a lot of people tear you down and that's. That's true. I was gonna say effing true. That's the most true ever of all time, and by the way.

Speaker 1 16:40

That's not a you thing. That's even fired up today.

Speaker 2 16:43

Got to. It's a thing, man. I see that happening to all my clients. It's so interesting, it's so weird. But anyways, I think that was a good distinction where, when someone else is empowered and growing and excited for their future, sometimes people are just grabbing to hold on, not necessarily to tear you down. How did you not tear anyone else down while feeling disempowered? Because that's super rare, I would say. I would say it's yeah, it's rare, very rare.

Speaker 1 17:13

I won't say I never tore people down. I just never did it to them. I would do it like internally, mentally, I would villainize people for their success, that I didn't have more than anything. I never, I never really wanted to tear anyone down because I don't. I think I knew that that wouldn't help me and I wasn't. Well, okay, let's do this. We've told the story many times that this is the best example. I was dating someone who wanted to move across the country and chase their dreams and I told them not to. I gave them a list of reasons why they shouldn't do it. That was kind of me tearing them down, not from a toxic place, but that is relatively toxic behavior. It doesn't matter if I didn't want to do it from a place of toxic, it still came off that way. I don't want you to outgrow me. Stay, stay small, don't do it. So that's like the best example.

Speaker 2 18:05

I can give. Did you know you were doing that? While you were doing it, I was so scared.

Speaker 1 18:10

Did you?

Speaker 2 18:10

really think that she couldn't win, or like is that what you really believed?

Speaker 1 18:14

Yeah, genuinely, because I didn't think I could win. But you didn't think she could either. I didn't think I could, so I assumed she would. I was so scared. Now, what do you?

Speaker 2 18:25

think Now you're more yeah.

Speaker 1 18:27

Now it's more accurate. You feel like she could have. She would have been fine. Yeah, she did. She went out there and did her thing. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 18:34

Yeah, so it worked.

Speaker 1 18:35

Yeah, yeah, so it worked.

Speaker 2 18:36

Sometimes it's based on ignorance. You just didn't. You have such a unique perspective because you used to. I never was. I never felt like things, if anything. I'm on the other end. I thought more was possible for people than was really possible for people, so I was on the complete other end of this. I've always believed in people and what they're capable of. One of my core values is potential in people and what they're capable of. One of my core values is potential. It's it's believing in human potential. What what human beings are capable of is is unbelievable. What they actually do is often disappointing, unfortunately. Uh, we're all capable of so much more than we know. I think our brains, everything. I could go into it, but with you, you were, you've been on both ends. So now you're. You're someone who some people would consider delusional If you were to be truthful and say we're going to be successful and XYZ and I'm in control of my future and I feel like we can succeed and you know that kind of thing.

Speaker 2 19:32

What would this version of Kevin say if he was dating her and she wanted to go?

Speaker 1 19:39

Yeah, I probably would have led the charge. Let's do it. Yeah, california sounds great. Let's do it.

Speaker 1 19:48

The hard part is a lot of it was circumstantial. I had this job where I was making so much money and I remember saying you don't understand, this isn't a job you just get more than once, I just got it. This doesn't happen. You don't understand how statistically rare it is to get this job with zero credentials, where you're essentially working for government or state wages. This is so rare.

Speaker 1 20:19

I don't make money at this job because I'm good at it. I make money at this job because everybody has to be paid the same amount and the state dictates what the rate is. My company doesn't want to pay me $75 an hour. It's just the way it works. It just is what it is. That was one of the big reasons for me, because she wanted me to move out there with her and I said what? Am I going to move out there and be a personal trainer again? No, I don't want to do that. Finally, I finally feel like I have some certainty. I finally feel empowered. Yeah, I finally feel empowered. And now I'm going to move across the country and start this whole freaking cycle over again? No way, no chance, like couldn't do it. So that was, that was a big piece of it too.

Speaker 2 20:56

What's it like on both ends? Can you articulate what it felt like before versus what it feels like now? I know I ask you this all the time, but it's no. No, you're good.

Speaker 1 21:04

You're good for sure, I would say for me. I think everybody has a different experience. For me, feeling disempowered is very hopeless. It's just yeah, it's just hopeless, it just sucks. It's dark, it's heavy. You don't feel like things are going to get better. And heavy, you don't feel like things are going to get better. And that's a really, really, really challenging place to live. Feels like an unwinnable game. Feels like an unwinnable game.

Speaker 2 21:31

Yeah, the other side. That's how it always felt for me being liked, yeah yeah. Having people who will like me or not, hurt me or not villainize me, or care about the true me, or be able to handle the true me, whatever that is I don't even know if I know how to articulate it it felt unwinnable.

Speaker 1 22:00

It's weird because I feel like I could say the same exact thing you say and I don't think I would get villainized. The same way, I feel like I could take the exact words you say. You and I could do an episode and I could say the same exact thing you say and I don't think I would get villainized.

Speaker 2 22:18

It doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 1 22:19

I don't know if it's energetic. You've never not been confident, so I think it's hard to like. I think it's hard for people to resonate with that. You know when, for me it's. I've been Goodness, I've been all of it. I've been very disempowered and very unconfident and very insecure and all the things in between. And now I do feel very empowered and I do feel the most confident I ever have and I think my self-worth is the highest it's ever or the most accurate it's ever been, hasn't that?

Speaker 2 22:53

energy in me shifted. What do you mean? I could be wrong about this, but the way that the level of conviction that I used to say things with was, with a different energy, I feel like I'm more comfortable saying my truth, whereas before it's like I was scared to say it.

Speaker 1 23:19

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 23:20

Because I was afraid to be villainized. Yeah, that's right. Which is ironic, because I think that's why I was being villainized. Part of it, I think it was a piece of it. But you think I'm going to be villainized, no matter what, I don't know, it's okay. It's okay I don't. I just don't know, I'd much rather just opt out of the unwinnable game. You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 23:39

Because I don't know. I was thinking to myself and we'll do this live quickly. You got to go. You got three minutes. This will be like a one minute thing. When you were talking about the kids in the parking lot, I was thinking I wonder what that would come off like if I was saying it. Would it be funny? I don't know. I don't know. I had a moment where I's energy it's definitely a very empowered. It's very, yeah, it's very strong.

Speaker 2 24:11

Yeah, which triggers people Very strong energy. It triggers people.

Speaker 1 24:14

I told you this. I said when I go to Alan's house, I used to get anxious. I would get anxious when I was there. Emilia would come into the room and it would be Alan, emilia and I and I'd be like this is a lot, this is a lot of energy.

Speaker 2 24:27

It's like an energy thing A lot of energy. That's the best way I can explain it. Yeah, when I'm with her, everything is. People react very differently when I'm with her versus without her. It's just a lot of. You know how animals are energetic, like your cats can tell when you're, when you're in a low energy versus a high energy.

Speaker 1 24:46

I wonder if they have any clue what's going on. Okay, fair, I really do my.

Speaker 2 24:50

My cats, my, my pets. They can feel our energy. So if her and I are disconnected, they can feel it. I think humans are like that too. They're just less tapped into it. I'm, I don't, I don't know, I'm not, that's not my. I'm learning that recently In my 30s, I've kind of started to understand energy and vibe and emotional connection-ness. It's not my genius zone, but I do know that that's a factor I trigger men a lot.

Speaker 1 25:18

I think you're more empowered than I am. What if it's that? Is it that simple? I think you're more you're just not just you're.

Speaker 2 25:28

You're more empowered than I am. I would say that's fair. I think it's also a combination. I know we gotta go, but it's a combination of I'm more empowered, but I'm I'm more insecure about being empowered. If that makes sense, so it's. It's this weird, it's this thing that I'm trying to learn, where I'm actually scared to be empowered, I'm not scared to be less.

Speaker 1 25:47

Yeah, yeah, yeah and, and I think that you were the opposite.

Speaker 2 25:49

I think most people are the opposite, statistically speaking. So I always say you're either afraid to be too much or too little and I think it's. All of us have both, but it's different percentages.

Speaker 1 25:59

So anyways, as unique as I am on one end, you're, if not more, unique on the other and you just we don't know the. We know the benefits very well, we just don't know all the detriments quite yet. So that's something we're working through behind the scenes together and separately, far as always, and in front of the scenes evidently in this episode, because that's kind of the way we do it.

Speaker 2 26:24

Didn't expect it All right.

Speaker 1 26:25

Meet up is Thursday, the 2nd, 6 pm Eastern Standard Time. How to level up your money. If you have not joined Next Level Nation yet and you're looking for a great group of humans, please do. That is our private Facebook group. We do not have tomorrow's episode chosen because we are out here jeffing, but tomorrow Tomorrow's episode chosen because we are out here juffing. But tomorrow's episode will be great, as always. We love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2 26:52

Stay empowered but humble, next Level Nation.